Danes Family Rules
Chapter
1: Splits and Bugs and Busghetti, Oh My!
Luke hopped out of his pickup and grabbed a handful of shopping bags from the back, praying he’d picked up everything on Lorelai’s grocery list. He peered into the bag in his left hand as he approached the house. "Chocolate syrup, check. Pringles, check. Black olives, check. Bagel Bites, check. Pears…go figure..check." Luke started to take the first step leading to the porch.
Too late, he noticed a rogue tennis ball sitting in his path. He tried to avoid catastrophe with a step to the left, but his boot came down on the ball, and his ankle twisted hard. "Crap," he yelped. Luke hooked his arm around the railing, and he planted his right foot on the ground to prevent any further injury...at least that was his intention. Unfortunately, that foot landed squarely in the seat of a bright pink Big Wheel parked at the bottom of the steps, and he was spun into an even more painful half-split.
"Crap!" A shopping bag slipped from his grasp and plummeted to the ground. "Son of a bi..."
"Hold it right there, Bucko." Lorelai stepped out onto the porch, and Luke held his tongue. A moment later, Grace slipped out from behind Lorelai.
"Hi, Poppy." Grace, one arm wrapped around her mother’s leg, waved at her father.
"Hey there, kiddo." Luke, still trying to right himself, pressed his lips together to staunch a fresh flow of obscenities. He kicked a smashed pear away and set the surviving groceries on the bottom step.
"Ride my bike?"
"Apparently so." Luke sighed and bent over to pick up the shattered remains of the jar of olives.
"Too big." Grace wobbled down the stairs and crawled into the seat of the Big Wheel.
“Stay away from the glass, little girl.” Lorelai rubbed her rounded belly and descended the stairs, as well. "Need a hand?"
"I got it, I got it." Luke grunted and tossed a smashed pear into the bag.
"You okay, hon?"
He limped up the stairs, wincing when he put weight on the injured ankle. "Yeah, nothing like a good nut-cracking to end the day."
"Poor guy." Lorelai covered her hand with her mouth, but he could still see the corners of her mouth twitch upward. "I warned you that parenting was a full-contact sport. You need me to buy you an athletic cup? How about some shoulder padding?"
"Just lots and lots of Ben-Gay." Luke pulled open the front door. "I'll put up the groceries."
"We'll be waiting," Lorelai lowered herself to the steps, watching Grace putter around on the Big Wheel.
After a few minutes, Luke limped back to the porch, a tube of Ben-Gay in his hand. He sat beside Lorelei and pulled off his shoe and sock
"Hey, Babe," she whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Want me to kiss your boo-boo?"
"Later.” He rotated his ankle and whispered an obscenity under his breath. “Doesn’t have to be my boo-boo you’re kissing, though.”
Lorelai feigned shock. “Pervert.”
"How's the fetus?" Luke squeezed a dollop of Ben-Gay into his palm and rubbed the cream onto his ankle.
"Same old, same old.” Lorelai fidgeted in place. “Kick at inappropriate times, sit on bladder at inappropriate times, jam forehead into Mommy's spine at inappropriate times. You know, the usual."
"Sorry." Luke leaned over until his mouth was just inches from her belly. "Hi, Fetus. Stop head-butting your mom's spine, okay?" He planted a quick kiss on the top of her swollen midsection.
"Stop calling her 'Fetus'. That's just weird.”
"Him. And how is that worse than you calling him ‘Bilbo’ like you did after you found Rory’s old copy of The Hobbit?"
Lorelai ignored his comment and furrowed her brow. "What the heck is your daughter doing?" Grace, a twig in her hand, crawled on all fours under the tree, poking at the ground.
"Why is she my kid when she's doing weird crap like…trying to assault dirt?" Luke looked at the girl when Grace hefted herself to her feet and scurried toward her parents.
"Poppy, come!" Her eyes were wide, and she held her hand out to her father.
"What's your damage, Gracie?" Luke took her tiny hand into his, but stayed in place.
"Over there." Grace pointed to a mound of crab grass beside her trike.
"What's over there?"
Grace tugged harder. "A problem.”
"Go check out the problem, Pops." Lorelai socked Luke in the arm.
"Do I need my toolbox?"
Grace scrunched up her face and placed a finger on her chin. He could practically hear the gears grinding in her head as she contemplated the offer. "No," Grace decided. "A shoe."
"A shoe?"
"Yes. Shoe." She tugged Luke's hand with all of her might, still unable to budge him from his seat.
Luke sighed and reached for his discarded footwear. "All right, let's go scope out your problem." Once he put his sock and shoe back on, he got to his feet. Grace sprinted back across the yard, and squatted beside the Big Wheel. She picked up her twig, and waited for Luke to catch up.
Luke came to a stand-still beside her and folded his arms over his chest. "Okay, now what seems to be the problem? Big Wheel broken?" He gazed down at Grace and waited for further direction.
Grace shook her head. "Down here," she whispered, motioning for Luke to join her on the ground.
Luke groaned and dropped to his knees.
"Closer.”
Luke leaned forward, supporting his weight with his hands. "What am I missing?" Lorelai snorted, and he shot a dark look over his shoulder at his wife.
Grace looked up at Luke, eyes wide. "Bug."
"A bug out here in the yard? Who would have thunk it?" Luke laughed at the furtive expression on the girl’s face as she raked the ground with the twig.
"Big bug.”
"Where is it?" Luke searched for any sign of the elusive insect.
"There!" Grace skittered backwards and threw her twig at the ground when she spotted the intruder.
Luke stifled a laugh. "That's your vicious bug?" he asked as a big black ant crested a long blade of grass.
"Uh-huh." Grace nodded and climbed into the seat of her Big Wheel, putting safe distance between her and the bug.
Luke looked at Grace. "What should I do with it?"
Grace, her legs still a bit too short to reach the pedals on her trike, pulled her feet up in the air. "Steponnit.”
"Squash it?"
"Uh huh." Grace nodded and pointed a finger at the bug. “Squash it good.”
Luke sighed, and got to his feet. With as much dramatic flair as he could muster, he lifted his foot and stomped the ground, grinding into the dirt for emphasis.
Grace clapped her hands in celebration. "Dead bug."
"That is one dead bug," Luke agreed.
"Thank you, Poppy." After ensuring there was no more threat to her safety in the lawn, Grace ran to Luke and threw her arms around his knees.
"At your service, Missy." Luke scooped her up into his arms and slung her over his shoulder.
"More play," Grace pleaded as Luke made his way back to the porch.
"You're dirty," Lorelai said as Luke sat back on the steps next to her. She licked her thumb and ran it over a smudge on the girl’s chin. "You need to wash up before dinner."
"Yeah." Luke said, pinching his nose. "You smell like a pig."
"Oink," Grace muttered, unfazed by her father’s assessment of her hygiene.
"What do you two nutbags want for dinner?" Luke twisted a lock of Grace's hair around his finger as she lounged in his lap.
"Something starchy.” Lorelai stroked her chin. “I cast my vote for starch.”
"Every meal you ever want is starchy." Luke rolled his eyes. "Give me something less vague."
"Busghetti." Grace smiled up at her father, her eyes hopeful.
Lorelai grinned. "I'm with the rugrat. Busghetti would be divine."
Luke sighed in defeat. "One order of busghetti, coming right up." He nudged grace off his knee and stood up, pulling Lorelai up with him.
Lorelai held her hand out to Grace. "Come on, squirt, we'll go toss you in the tub while Poppy fires up the pasta."
Luke took Grace's other hand, and he and Lorelai dangled the little girl in the air as they climbed the steps together. Grace giggled in approval, expertly swinging back in forth between them.
Once inside, Lorelai herded her to the stairs as Luke headed for the kitchen.
"Meatballs?" Luke checked before they disappeared to the second floor.
Lorelai placed her hands on her hips. “Do you even have to ask?”
"Stars," Grace said. “Star meatballs.”
Luke sighed. "You two are a lot of work, you know that?"
Lorelai grinned as she followed Grace up the stairs. "Yeah, we know, and you love it."
Luke readjusted his hat and continued on into the kitchen. "You're ruining my street cred," he shot over his shoulder, already trying to figure out the mechanics of star-shaped meatballs. “Whipped," he muttered, and pulled out the pots and pans necessary for meal preparation. "That's the real word on the street, lately.” He was perfectly at ease with that consensus, too, though he’d never admit it out loud. He unearthed a star-shaped cookie cutter from a drawer and grunted his approval.
Chapter 2: To Grandmother's House We Go
Lorelai and Luke stood at the door of the elder Gilmores' residence. Luke held Grace under the armpits, his arms outstretched as Lorelai maniacally straightened, fluffed, and dusted the child off. Grace patiently chewed on her sweater sleeve, well-accustomed to the weekly ritual of her parents trying to repair whatever damage she had managed to inflict on her Friday Night Dinner outfits during the car ride from Stars Hollow. This week, Grace had somehow secreted a stash of cheesy Goldfish crackers into her pockets, and was now coated from head to toe in orange dust. She had also quietly decided to relieve herself of one leg of the white tights she was supposed to be wearing underneath the pretty blue dress Lorelai had picked out.
"You're a disgrace, Grace." Lorelai twisted the waist of the tights and attacked Grace's face with a wet wipe to remove the neon orange glaze drying around the child's mouth.
"I'm meshy." Grace took the wet wipe from her mother and dabbed at her forehead.
Luke rolled his eyes when Lorelai shot a glare his way. "Your daughter," he said.
Lorelai scowled. "We can go get a blood test right now, Mister. I can prove that you're at least fifty percent responsible for this."
"I don't eat Goldfish.”
"No, but you're weird," Lorelai said, fighting to squeeze Grace’s feet back into her patent leather shoes. "And Grace is definitely weird."
"She's not weird, she's special.”
"Special Ed, a lot of times." Lorelai feigned horror at her own words.
Luke glared at Lorelai and pulled Grace tightly against his chest. "Nice attitude, Joan Crawford."
Lorelai raised her hands defensively. "I'm just saying the child is definitely not...like other people. You were right there beside me last week when she walked into the wall...a wall that has been there since long before she was even conceived."
"She was distracted." Luke opened his mouth when Grace shoved a Goldfish cracker against his lips.
"She apologized to the wall.”
"She's polite," Luke said.
"And you just ate a Goldfish cracker without even considering where in the heck she may have had it stashed all this time."
Luke swallowed hard as a grimace formed on his face. "Gross," he said. "You are weird, Shrimp."
Grace laughed and pulled another cracker out of her sweater sleeve. "Here, Mommy," she said, and passed the soggy treat to Lorelai.
"Thanks, Angel." She rang the doorbell, discreetly dropped the cracker into the planter, and pretended to pop it in her mouth. "Mmmm," Lorelai intoned, rubbing her very round middle.
"Good fishies," Grace said.
The door opened, and Emily appeared in the entrance. Her eyes brightened when she saw Grace. "Well, hello there," she said, immediately reaching out to smooth the child’s dress. "Hello, Grace."
"Grammy!" Grace lunged at her grandmother. Luke stumbled toward Emily, trying to keep the girl from jumping right out of his arms.
"Jeez, Gracie, calm down." Luke chuckled.
Emily took Grace and stepped aside. "Well, don't just stand there. Come in, come in," Emily said to Luke and Lorelai as she carried the little girl inside.
"Hi, Mom." Lorelai threw her hands up in exasperation as Emily walked away from them, already deep in conversation with her granddaughter.
""How's my little princess?" Emily tried to smooth the wild curls atop Grace's head. "Do you ever brush her hair, Lorelai?" she asked.
Lorelai groaned. "It's hopeless, Mom. We've tried everything. Mousse, gel, spackling. Nothing tames the 'fro this child is cursed with."
Emily sighed and lowered herself into a chair, with Grace in her lap. "Well, I suppose I understand. Your hair was unmanageable as a child. Perhaps it will improve as she grows. Her hair is still rather fine at this point.” Emily smiled. "So soft and shiny. What I wouldn't give to be able to command my stylist to give me this texture."
Grace hitched up her dress and pulled a Goldfish out of her tights. "Fishie, Grammy."
Emily pressed her lips together in a thin line, but she accepted her gift without reproach. "Why thank you, Grace. Will you mind terribly if I save it until after we eat dinner?" Grace nodded and allowed her grandmother to lower the hem of her dress over her knees. "And what did you do this week, young lady? Do you have any stories you would like to tell your Grammy?" Emily pulled Grace's sleeves down to the child's wrists and smoothed the rumpled material of her dress.
"Uh huh." Grace twisted around in place and laid a finger on a gold pin that Emily had attached to her blouse.
"Tell Grammy." Emily lowered her head and straightened Grace's tights.
Lorelai nudged Luke, trying not to laugh at Emily's subversive assault on Grace's attire.
"I saw a duck," Grace said. "Ducks say 'Quack, quack.' And I had pizza.”
"That sounds delicious," Emily said.
"I bumped my head.” The little girl touched her forehead, where a faint bruise still lingered after her ill-fated tango with the wall at home.
“I’m sorry.” Emily frowned. "That must have been quite painful."
"Uh huh.” She cocked her head to the side. "I played with Apey."
"Apey?" Emily glanced at Lorelai and Luke for help in deciphering her granddaughter’s words.
"April called,” Lorelai said. “Every time Grace speaks to April on the phone, she's convinced that they had a play date.”
Richard strolled into the room and greeted the group. "I thought I heard voices in here. I apologize, I was on the phone with a colleague, and ending the conversation was a bit difficult.” His eyes dropped to his pregnant daughter’s belly. "Well, look at you," he said. "You’re glowing."
"Aw," Lorelai said, and waved her hand dismissively. "It's just the buckets of oil my pores are excreting with all the excess hormones," she said. "I'm thinking of buying stock in ProActiv."
"I see. " Richard cleared his throat and redirected his attention. “And there's Miss Grace. How is my pretty girl?”
"Hi, Gramp." Grace touched her forehead again. "I bumped my head.”
"I'm sorry to hear that,” Richard gave her tiny shoulder a sympathetic pat.
The Gilmores’ maid, a new face on the staff, slipped into the room. "Dinner is served," she informed the gathered family. Emily and Richard lead the way to the dining room, enraptured by Grace's cheerful babbling. Luke guided Lorelai off the couch and wrapped his arm around her, falling into step with her pregnancy-slowed pace.
"Who would have thought it," Lorelai whispered to Luke. "Grace and my mother, thick as thieves."
Luke smiled. "It's a stumper," he agreed. "I figured it would be Richard, considering how tight he is with Rory, but the kid is definitely playing favorites towards her Grammy."
"I blame it on solar flares," Lorelai said. "There's no earthly logic to Emily Gilmore melting like hot butter when she's around this girl. Grace is simply too disheveled to relate to Mom. Maybe it’s global warming…or aliens. Aliens have kidnapped my mother and left a clone in her place."
“Don’t question it.” Luke pressed a kiss to Lorelai’s temple. "Just be happy your parents didn't disown you for reproducing with a lowly diner guy."
Luke and Lorelai entered the dining room. Richard and Emily were already seated, patiently waiting for the pair to catch up. Grace was in her own chair, aided in height by a booster seat. She munched quietly on a roll.
"It appears that Grace is hungry," Richard informed them, watching with interest as Grace shoved an large hunk of bread into her mouth.
"Bottomless pit, just like her mother." Luke shook his head and held out a chair for his wife.
"So what's on the menu," Lorelai asked. She shook out a napkin and laid it across her lap. "I'm famished, too."
Emily smiled. "Apricot chicken with a lovely vegetable medley that I picked out myself at an organic farmers' market, and for dessert, a lemon tart that is to die for.”
"Perfect," Lorelai said. "And for Gracie?" She laughed, knowing that her daughter would be reaching for Goldfish crumbs after taking one look at that sort of dish.
"Macaroni and cheese, with a cherry Italian Ice for dessert." Emily rolled her eyes. She’d learned her lesson regarding her granddaughter's food preferences long ago.
"Wow, I'm really impressed, Mom," Lorelai said. "Gracie must really have you wrapped if you're actually conceding to her all-noodles-all-the-time diet."
Emily grimaced. "I give up. It's absolutely appalling, her eating habits. The last time I tried to serve her something of substance, she stuffed cottage cheese in her ears."
"Again, I say, just like her mother," Luke muttered.
The meal continued without incident— no arguments, little tension, and only minimal cheese damage to Grace's dress. After dessert, the family returned to the sitting room, chatting pleasantly and watching as Grace attacked a coloring book with oversized crayons.
" Lorelai, how much longer until your due date?" Emily asked.
"Due date is still July 18th." Lorelai sighed, trying to not be annoyed by the fact that Emily asked the same question every Friday. "That makes it about 9 more weeks to go."
"Is your back still bothering you?" Richard asked.
"Only when I breathe.”
"Luke, you should be giving her back rubs as often as possible," Emily said. "I had such terrific back pain when I was carrying Lorelai."
"I am, I swear," Luke said. "Foot rubs, too."
"Stinky feet," Grace muttered, flipping a page in her coloring book.
"Watch it, traitor." Lorelai nudged Grace’s leg with her foot.
"Stoppit." Grace waved a crayon at her mother and giggled.
"Are you excited about being a big sister, Grace?" Richard asked.
"Mommy has a baby in her tummy.”
"Yes, she does," Richard said.
"Baby kicks.” Grace stood up and jutted out her stomach as far as she could. “Baby kicks Mommy’s belly button.”
"Really hard," Lorelai said. She arched an eyebrow when Luke rubbed her stomach in commiseration. "Watch it, Bub, it's your fault I'm in this shape.”
"Lorelai," Emily said, her voice full of warning.
"Well, it is his fault.”
"I'm very sorry," Luke said. "I really, really am."
Grace yawned and wandered over to Luke. "Poppy, up," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes.
"As you wish," Luke whispered, pulling Grace into his lap.
"We probably should get going soon," Lorelai said. "The rugrat is going downhill fast," she noted, when Grace yawned again and snuggled up under her father’s chin.
"Sleepy, monkey?" Luke wrapped the blanket around the little girl. Grace nodded, poking her thumb into her mouth.
"Poppy sing," she mumbled.
Luke rolled his eyes, embarrassed, and stood up. "We'll be back in a minute," he said as he carried Grace out onto the patio.
Lorelai smiled. "He hates singing," she said to her parents.
"Grace apparently doesn't mind," Richard remarked.
"He's very good with her, isn't he?" Emily watched Luke pace across the patio, trying to keep the impromptu lullaby inaudible to intruding ears.
"Yeah," Lorelai said. "Gracie is definitely a Daddy's Girl. Or a Poppy's Girl."
"And this one?" Emily asked, regarding Lorelai's waistline.
"I've got dibs," Lorelai said. "But I'm sure I'll still be in for some stiff competition."
"I have a feeling you're right," Emily said, a hint of approval in her voice.
Chapter 3: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night...
Lorelai peered out of the window at the clouds building in the nighttime sky. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and the trees swayed in the ever-building breeze. A drop of rain splattered on the pane of glass. "Looks like we're going to get one heck of a storm tonight." She closed the curtains and made her way toward the bed.
Luke lowered the newspaper he was reading. "The weather reports have been calling for it all day. Good thing Rory got in before the weather turned."
"Yeah." Lorelai smiled. "It's so good to have her back under the roof, even if it's for just a couple of weeks. I'm tempted to go down and just watch her sleep. How silly is that?"
"Not so silly.”
"I'd do it too, if I wasn't so unsure of my ability to make it back up the stairs without you pushing me from behind." Lorelai groaned, trying to find a comfortable position.
"Probably for the best," Luke said. "Between helping you out of the bathtub, the car, off the couch, up the stairs and out of bed, I'm going to need long-term chiropractic care."
"Watch it.”
A gust of wind blasted the house, rattling the window in its frame. Thunder rumbled again, louder this time, and a flash of lightning lit up the window.
"Eek." Lorelai tugged the comforter up over her pregnant belly. "This weather is fit for neither man nor beast."
Luke gazed at Lorelai warily. "You're not planning to go into labor in the middle of the big, messy, severe thunderstorm we're about to get hit with are you?" he asked. "I think you owe me a break after going into labor with Gracie when I was across town with my cell phone turned off during the big, messy blizzard."
"Don't worry, Babe, not so much as a twinge happening right now." Raindrops from the encroaching storm began a steady pitter-patter on the roof overhead.
"Good." Luke sunk back into his pillow and tossed the newspaper onto the nightstand. "Not emotionally prepared for drama tonight."
"Poor baby." Lorelai trailed a finger over his chest. "Rough day in the pits?"
"The bread guy sucked, the customers sucked, traffic to and from the airport sucked, and Gracie dropping a brick on my foot REALLY sucked," Luke said. "Don't know where she found the brick, don't know why she had the brick, still haven't figured out what she intended to do with the brick, but somehow, dropping it on my foot was the only logical outcome of the situation."
"Want me to kiss it and make it better?"
"My foot?"
"Anything," Lorelai said. Her hand drifted from his chest down toward his abdomen.
"A kiss might make it better. Maybe," he said, trying to work up the most pitiful expression possible on his face.
"So pathetic." Lorelai laughed as Luke leaned over her. Luke kissed Lorelai's lips, lightly at first, deepening the kiss as she played with the curls that rested on his neck. Lorelai moaned softly when he let his hands wander, gently rubbing her rounded belly lovingly then working upward, grazing the underside of her breast with a thumb.
"Mmm," Lorelai intoned. Thunder clapped loudly overhead, and she stifled a shriek.
"Keep your eyes closed, I'll keep your mind off the storm," he murmured, and moved his mouth to her neck. He nuzzled the flesh beneath her ear with his nose and began tracing lazy circles with the tip of his tongue.
"How are you going to do that?" She asked as he dipped his hand beneath the comforter and sought out the soft skin of her thighs.
Luke nipped at Lorelai's clavicle. "I have one or two tricks up my sleeve," he said, his hand gently spreading her legs beneath the comforter.
Lorelai giggled. "You'd better have a couple of good tricks. I'm not exactly in prime hot, nasty sex mode here."
Luke shook his head. "Never looked hotter to me," he said. "We haven't had a problem working around the fetus so far..." His fingers grazed the waistline of her panties and she let out a soft gasp.
Lorelai reached her hands up to Luke's head, pulling him into a deep kiss. She parted his lips with her tongue, plunging it into his mouth as Luke moaned deeply and began to slide his hand into her panties.
"Oh, boy," Lorelai whispered, "The worst thing is, I actually believe you when you act like making love to your wide-load, so-pregnant-she-could-drop-at-any-time wife is appealing to you."
"Very appealing," Luke said. His breath blew across her ear, eliciting a shiver. "Very, very appealing."
Suddenly, a deafening clap of thunder sounded out, so loud that the house vibrated. Lightning forked brightly overhead, bringing another sharp crack of thunder right behind. The lights flickered, and the wind howled through the trees surrounding the house.
"Wow," Lorelai said. “Close.”
Luke looked over his shoulder at the window. "Yeah, storm's starting to get frisky out there."
"Lots of frisky going around tonight.”
Luke grinned and leaned toward Lorelai, about to kiss her again when the bedroom door flew open.
Lorelai smacked Luke's wandering hand away and struggled to sit up. "Gracie?" she asked, regarding the wide-eyed girl in the doorway.
"Storm!" Lightning flashed again, and the little girl stood frozen in the doorway until the next thunderclap shook the house.
Luke sat up. "C'mere, kid." Grace covered her ears and raced toward the bed. Luke scooped Grace up and deposited her in between him and Lorelai.
"So much for the frisky." Lorelai sighed as Grace burrowed underneath the comforter.
"You're going to suffocate under there, Gracie." deflected a kick that almost caught him in a very painful location.
"Loud storm," Grace said from underneath the comforter.
"It's okay." Lorelai patted the covered up lump in the middle of the bed. "Storms are just what happen when the angels bowl, remember?"
"Bowling," Grace's muffled voice replied uncertainly. Suddenly she poked her head out from under the comforter, gasping for air. "Bunbun!"
"What about Bunbun?"
"Bunbun hates storms too." Grace, tears swimming in her eyes, sniffled.
"And where is Bunbun?" Lorelai laughed when she saw Luke begin to climb out of bed.
"Playhouse." Tears began to flow down her cheeks. "Bunbun's all alone.”
"Oh, Lord.” Luke bent over and pulled his bedroom slippers out from under the edge of the bed.
Lorelai ran a hand over Grace’s hair. "Bunnies are okay with storms, Gracie. I think Bunbun will be perfectly fine as long as he's safe and dry in the playhouse."
"No!" Grace let out a mournful sob. "Bunbun scared!"
Luke scowled at Lorelai. "I guess I'm going to go rescue Bunbun.”
Lorelai shot Luke a sympathetic smile as she cradled the sobbing girl. "I think she's projecting, not being bratty," she whispered.
"I know." Luke shook his head and pulled a flashlight from the nightstand drawer. "Life would be so much easier if she was just a brat."
"Don't get struck by lightning.”
"I'll do my best to avoid it," Luke replied and disappeared down the steps.
"It's okay, Sweets. Poppy's going to find Bunbun." Lorelai gave the little girl a reassuring hug.
"Bunbun will get drown-ded." Her chest hitched as she tried to gulp air in between sobs.
"No, he won't," Lorelai said. "Poppy would never let Bunbun drown. Poppy always saves the day, remember?"
"Poor Bunbun." Grace whimpered, watching the doorway for any sign of Luke or a stuffed bunny.
Lorelai and Grace both sat upright when they heard the back door slam, and waited with baited breath while Luke stomp up the stairs. He appeared in the doorway, hair plastered to his head, barefoot, bunny in hand, and no longer wearing his pajama bottoms. Lorelai looked quizzically at Luke's boxers, then his bare feet. Luke wiped rain from his face and held the bunny out to Grace.
Grace clapped her hands and reached for her bunny. "Bunbun!" she cried. "Poppy got Bunbun!"
"Should I even ask?" She tried to stifle a laugh as Luke rooted in a drawer for a fresh pair of pajamas.
"Forgot about the blow-up pool," Luke muttered. "Draw your own conclusions."
Luke slipped into a dry pair of pants, attacked his damp hair with a towel, and climbed back into bed, watching Grace hug Bunbun with all of her might. "Happy, now, you goof?"
"Happy," Grace said, and snuggled up to her father. "Poppy got Bunbun."
"And don't you forget it." He switched off the light on the nightstand and tucked the comforter around Grace.
"All right, you two." Lorelai yawned and reached for the light on her side of the bed. "Night night time. Is Bunbun all settled in?"
Grace nodded and pulled her bunny to her chest when another growl of thunder rolled overhead.
Lorelai turned off the light. "Good night, kiddo. Night, Hero.”
"Night, crazy ladies," Luke mumbled, situating himself in his compromised sleep space. Lightning flashed brightly, illuminating the room in bursts of blue light. Grace gasped and clutched for Luke's hand.
"Poppy hide," she whispered.
Luke sighed and covered Grace's eyes with his hand. "All hidden?"
Grace nodded. "All hided."
"Good," Luke muttered. "Now say goodnight, Gracie."
"Night, Gracie," the girl said from under Luke's hand.
Lorelai chuckled. "Never a dull moment in this house.”
"Nope," Luke said. "And it's about to get a whole lot crazier."
"Complaining?" Lorelai shifted under the comforter and reached over Grace to lay her hand on his shoulder.
"Aside from bricks, bunnies, and blow-up pools?"
"Besides that.”
"Nah." Luke yawned. "Besides all that, no complaints come to mind."
"I love you, you big lug.”
Luke grunted and rolled onto his side. "Love you too, pregnant lady."
Chapter 4: Into the Woods
Luke yawned and stretched, wincing at the loud pops that emitted from his spine. His bleary eyes swept over the living room. For a moment, he had no idea why or how he’d left the bedroom. "Jeez," he muttered, and sat up in the armchair. Once he looked at the couch, he recalled the night’s events after the storm had waned. He got to his feet and leaned over Grace, who slept fitfully on the couch. Luke felt her forehead, concerned by the warmth radiating from her body.
"How's Gracie?" Rory stumbled into the living room, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Officially sick, or just way too many french fries and lightning bolts last night?'
Luke readjusted the sheet that covered the sleeping girl. "I think she's legitimately sick. Must be a virus." He frowned when Grace emitted a wet, congested cough. "I'm sorry if we woke you."
"That's okay," Rory said. "Nothing says homecoming like the distant sounds of retching in the wee hours of the morning."
Luke offered her a sheepish grin. "I had to bring her down here. One bout of puking from the kid would send Lorelai's gag-reflex over the edge, and I'd have to deal with chain-reaction projectile vomiting. Wouldn't be pretty."
"No," Rory said, wrinkling her nose in disgust. "Pregnancy seems to have affected Mom's iron stomach."
"That it has." Luke looked up to see Lorelai shuffling down the stairs, hand wedged into the small of her back as she struggled with the added weight of her nearly full-term pregnancy. Rory waved to her mother, and went out into the kitchen to check the pot of brewing coffee.
"What are you doing down here?" Lorelai waddled into the living room. "Why is Gracie on the couch?"
"She started feeling yucky a couple of hours ago," Luke said. "Sick to her belly, coughing a little. She has a low-grade fever."
"Oh no," Lorelai murmured, and laid a hand on Grace's forehead. "When was the last time you checked her temperature?"
"About a half hour ago," Luke said. "I've given her Ginger Ale to calm her stomach, and she's been chewing ice cubes when she's awake, so she's getting hydration."
"Good." Lorelai stroked Grace's feverish cheek. "Hey, why don't you go catch some Z's, Rory and I will stand watch."
"No good." Luke shook his head. "Gotta get to the diner for a little while. Lane's off this morning, and I have no coverage until she takes the three o'clock shift."
"Oh boy." Lorelai groaned. "You should have woken me up last night. You're going to be dead tired."
"I'll survive," Luke said. "I'm going to head out, if you don't mind. Caesar's probably going insane. I'll check in hourly."
"We'll be fine. I'll call you if she gets any worse. You worry about the diner."
Luke fussed with the bed sheet covering the little girl. "We should get her to the doctor, right? If you can get an appointment in the afternoon, I can swing by and pick her up."
"I can drive them to an appointment," Rory said, returning from the kitchen with two cups of coffee. “Might need to borrow a winch to get Mom out of the car, however."
"Hey."
"I'm just saying." Rory handed her a cup of coffee and smirked.
Luke bent over and kissed Grace's forehead, ruffling her curly locks. "Okay, then I'll take off. Call me if you need anything." Luke kissed Lorelai and headed to the door.
The diner was full when Luke arrived, and he jumped into the rush, trying to give Caesar a break. He was able to break away long enough to call Lorelai to check on their daughter at nine o'clock. Grace was still coughing, feverish, and getting sick to her stomach. Lorelai assured Luke that she and Rory were doing fine with Grace, and they’d made an appointment with the pediatrician at eleven. Luke reluctantly hung up and was soon scurrying around the diner, taking orders and trying to assist Caesar in the back to get the food flowing. The phone rang at 10:15, and Luke answered.
"Luke's," he barked impatiently, pouring a cup of coffee for a customer at the counter at the same time.
"Luke?" Rory said on the other end of the connection. "Listen, Mom said to tell you first thing—do not panic.”
"What's wrong?" Luke’s voice raised an octave, and a coil of fear tightened in his gut. "Is Gracie okay? Christ, Lorelai didn't go into labor, did she?"
"We're at the hospital.”
"Jeez. She went into labor. I'll be right there." Luke spun around to hang up the phone.
"No, wait. Luke?”
Luke returned the phone to his ear. "What?" he asked. "What the hell is going on?"
"We had to bring Gracie to the hospital," Rory said. "Her fever shot up, and she was really puking, and then, well, there were issues in the diaper category, and she was so lethargic…so Mom just grabbed Gracie and we came here.”
"God," Luke said. He glanced down at his trembling hand.
"She's okay, Luke," Rory said. "They're doing a chest x-ray right now. They think she has pneumonia, but she's not in any danger. The doctor said he is not overly-concerned at this point."
"Easy for him to say," Luke growled. He grabbed his keys out from under the cash register. "I'll be there as soon as possible."
"Okay. Just take it easy. We're not panicking, remember?" Rory asked. "Do not break any laws to get here. Mom will kill me if you go crazy over this and come into the emergency room with both guns blazing. Take a deep breath, count to ten, and then come. Promise you'll do that?"
"Promise.” He slammed the phone back onto its cradle, too upset to bother with the formalities of goodbyes. "Caesar—emergency—I'm out of here!" Luke turned to address the diner patrons. "Finish up your food, and the last one out locks up. Lunch is on the house." Luke spun on his heels and sped toward the door, flipping the sign in the window to closed and running to the truck. He broke several laws on his way to the hospital, but only had to avoid one near-collision due to his reckless speeding. He pulled into the emergency room parking area, tires squealing, and ran into the lobby.
Luke stomped up to the registration desk. "Danes," he said. "Grace Danes, she's little, she's a baby, she's sick, where is she?"
"Your name, sir?" The nurse asked, her eyes narrowed.
"Luke Danes, I'm the father." He drummed his hands on the counter.
"Let me check the computer," the nurse said, typing slowly.
"Luke!" Rory rounded a corner into the emergency room waiting area. "I knew you'd drive like a maniac. Come on, they're on the third floor."
Luke fell into step behind Rory, as she led him to the elevators. "How is she? How's your Mom? Is everything okay? Did she come back from the chest x-ray yet? Is she awake? Is she really bad? Does she have pneumonia? Does she have to stay?"
"Breathe,” Rory said. She gave his arm a squeeze. “She's back. She has pneumonia. Yes, she has to stay, but the doctors say she will be just fine. You need to calm down. Relax.”
They entered an open elevator car, and Luke slumped on the railing, scrubbing his face with his hand. "Relax. Right. My kid is in the hospital, and I need to relax about that.”
Rory reached out and rubbed Luke's shoulder. "I know, it sucks, but Mom is doing okay, and I use her as my thermometer for this kind of situation. If she isn't climbing the walls, then it's not as bad as it feels, okay? Mom is upset, but she's got it under control."
The elevator doors opened, and Rory led Luke to Grace's room. He crept toward the little girl’s bed, swallowing hard as he inspected the wires and tubes attached to her, and the monitors tracking her heart rate and respiration. "Aw, Gracie.”
"Hey, Babe," Lorelai whispered from the chair in the corner of the room. Luke walked over to Lorelai, trying to keep his panic in check.
"How bad?" He dropped to his knees beside his wife and grasped her knees.
Lorelai smiled and stroked Luke's cheek. "It's okay, Babe. I know it looks awful, but they're giving her antibiotics and fluids, and that tubing by her nose is just oxygen so she can breathe easier and rest. I think she's just hopped up on Children's Tylenol. Nothing hard-core. She's got bacterial pneumonia, but the doctor assured us that he has no serious concerns."
Luke groaned and rested his forehead lightly on Lorelai's belly. "Are you okay? Is the baby okay?"
"We're okay.”
"How can you be so calm?"
"I have to be," Lorelai whispered, her hand moving to her belly. "Can't flip out, the fetus wouldn't like that."
Luke placed his hand on top of Lorelai's. "Okay," he said. "You stay calm, and take care of the fetus. Gracie will be okay, right?"
"She's one tough cookie, that girl.”.
Luke stood up. "Need anything? Coffee? Food? Anything?"
"Wow." Lorelai smiled shakily. "You're willing to give me coffee without a fight."
"You're catching me with my guard down." Luke readjusted his baseball cap and shot a worried look over his shoulder at the sleeping child.
"Go see your girl," Lorelai said. "Rory? Think you could get me some coffee, and find Luke some tea?"
"Sure thing.”
Luke pulled a chair up to the side of Grace's bed. "Hi, baby girl," he said, fingering a lock of Grace's hair. "So, look at you, causing a ruckus again." Luke heard a wheezing sound and Grace breathed laboriously. "Aw, crap," he choked out as he felt tears sting his eyes.
Lorelai stood up and walked over to Luke. "It's okay, Babe," she said, stroking Luke's back as he laid his head on the bed, staring up at Grace. "She's going to be okay."
Grace stirred and looked at Luke, glassy-eyed. "Poppy," she whispered.
"It's okay, Baby, Poppy's here." Luke stuck his finger into the little girl's fist and gave it a gentle shake.
"Where's Bunbun?"
"Uh, Bunbun's on his way. He'll be here really soon." Luke shot a helpless look at Lorelai, who pulled her cellphone out of her pocket and dialed a number as she left the room, presumably to organize a Bunbun retrieval party.
"Bunbun's tummy hurts," Grace said.
"I know.” Luke pushed a sweaty lock of hair from her forehead. "But we're going to make Bunbun's tummyache go away.”
Grace nodded, her eyelids growing heavy. "Kiss boo-boo Poppy.”
Luke leaned over and kissed Grace's belly. "Better?"
Grace yawned and drifted back to sleep, and he sighed miserably. "Pneumonia sucks.”
"Well, Bunbun is on the way," Lorelai assured Luke as she lowered herself back into her chair with great effort. "Sookie is on her way, bunny in tow. Grammy and Gramp will also be here as soon as possible."
Luke refused to leave the hospital for two straight days. He only gave in and went home for a few hours when Lorelai and Rory arrived in the morning of the third day and declared him to be officially in "Full Tilt Stank" mode. He showered, napped for a few hours then returned to the hospital. Grace's fever was finally breaking, and she was more alert. Lorelai and Rory alternated bed-side vigil shifts with Sookie and Jackson, Emily and Richard, and to Luke's chagrin, Maury and Babette. Even on the fourth day, when Grace was feeling so much better that she was trying to charm popsicles and pop-tarts out of any doctor or nurse who came within earshot, he still refused to leave for longer than a couple of hours. Lorelai and Rory were only at the hospital for about a half an hour on the fifth morning of Grace's hospitalization when they were finally given the green light to take Grace home.
"Yay, Gracie," Rory said, as the doctor left to get the discharge papers ready. "Aren't you excited? We all get to go home today!"
Grace frowned at her family. "Wanna stay," she muttered, twisting Bunbuns ears mercilessly.
Luke looked at Grace, confused. "Why on earth do you want to stay?”
"Want more popsicles.” She let out a dry cough and bounced Bunbun in her lap.
"Aw, sweetie, we'll get you some popsicles when we get home, you've earned them," Lorelai said.
"’Cuz I'm a good girl.”
"Yes." Lorelai laughed. "You've been a very good girl. All the nurses say you've been the best little patient they've ever had."
"Like grape.”
"Plenty of grape popsicles for you until you get better," Luke said. "Spoiled rotten," he muttered under his breath to Rory.
"Rotten to the core," Rory agreed. "If you'd like, I'll leave now and take your truck and stop off at Doose's and load up on popsicles. You take Mom's car." Rory gave Grace a hug. "See you at home, little sis.”
The doctor returned a few minutes later, and Lorelai signed all the discharge papers, while Luke took control of the post-release care instructions. The Danes family strode out of the pediatric ward, Grace wrapped up in a light blanket in Luke's arms and exuding a regal air as doctors, nurses and orderlies ran up to her to say their sad goodbyes. By the time they made it to the hospital exit, Grace had collected four teddy bears and six lollipops.
"Bye, people!" Grace yelled, waving maniacally at nobody in particular as they exited the building.
"I tell you, this kid, she has some hard-core voodoo working there," Lorelai said as Luke carefully guided the family car back to Stars Hollow.
"Tell me about it," Luke said. "I've never seen one kid so able to just universally wrap everyone she meets around her little finger."
"Look at all this loot." Lorelai sorted through the candy and held up a box of Hello Kitty crayons. "This is just...not normal."
"I'm just glad she's finally going home." Luke glanced at Grace in the rearview mirror. "Never ever get sick again. Ever.”
"Okay, Poppy," Grace said.
Luke pulled up in front of the Crapshack and turned to Lorelai, who fidgeted in her seat. "Home sweet home," she muttered.
"You okay?" He paused when he slid out of the driver’s seat, and poked his head back in the car.
"Yeah," Lorelai said. "Just...uncomfortable. What else is new?"
Luke strode to the other side of the car and opened the back door to gather up Grace and her loot. "Ready to go in now, monkey?"
"Home." Grace waved Bunbun in the air. “Bunbun’s home.”
Luke walked across the yard and up the porch steps. "You coming?" He glanced over his shoulder at his wife, who had come to a stand-still in the middle of the yard. "Lorelai?" She looked at Luke uncertainly, but remained frozen in place. "You coming inside?"
Lorelai shook her head slowly. "I don't think so.” Her tone was clipped, and her hand drifted to her protruding belly. Luke took a step back toward the edge of the porch.
"Why not?"
"Because....my water just broke." Lorelai laughed nervously.
"You've got to be kidding me.”
"No jest, my dear." Lorelai gasped as she was hit with a sudden contraction.
“Jeez," Luke banged on the front door. "Here," He said when Rory opened the door. He passed the little girl to her sister. "You take this. We're going back to the hospital. Your mother just went into labor."
"Oh, my.” Rory clutched Grace tightly and watched as Luke got Lorelai back into the passenger seat and leapt back behind the wheel, turning the car back toward the hospital.
"Okay, how are you doing?" he asked for the umpteenth time as they neared the hospital. "Lorelai?" he asked as she erupted into laughter.
"I'm...oh my god...I'm sorry," Lorelai said. "How ridiculous is this? Ow.” Another contraction hit her, and she doubled over in pain. "Do we know how to make things complicated or what?" She breathed through the contraction, then burst into giggles.
Luke frowned. "Stop laughing. You'll end up squeezing the baby out right here in the car," he said, which only made Lorelai giggle even harder.
"Danes Family Rules dictate that nothing that can be done easily will be done easily.”
"I noticed." Luke pulled back into the hospital emergency room parking area. "You Danes girls are a lot of work. Lots and lots of work."
"Yes, we are, and you love it.”
Luke flung the passenger door open and leaned in to help Lorelai out. "Yeah, I know it," he said, leading Lorelai to the hospital entrance. "You're going to have to put that on my tombstone. You girls are going to be the death of me."
Chapter 5: Baby Mine
"Lorelai, you have got to listen to the doctor."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do. You listen, and you do what she says."
"No. My body, my choice."
"A little late to be waving the reproductive rights flag."
"I'll wave my flag whenever I want to. My uterus."
"Did you hear the doctor? Stop pushing."
"I'm not."
"I think she can tell if you are."
"I'm not pushing, god damn it."
"Just breathe through it. You can push in a second."
"Shut up."
"Look at me. You can't push yet. Do the 'hee-hee' thing, okay?"
"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"
"Breathe, baby."
"I hate you."
"That's okay."
"Go to hell. I hate you. Did I mention how much I hate you?"
"Yes, you did. Now stop trying to push."
"I really hate you."
"Okay, are you listening? Push, now, baby. You can push."
"Oh, my God. Oh, my GOD. Ow. Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow."
"You're doing good. Keep going. Count it down, sweetie."
"Touch me again and I'll castrate you, you son of a bitch. Ow."
"Okay, good job. Breathe, sweetie. Take a break. Stop pushing, damn it!"
"You asshole, you did this to me!"
"I know. I'm sorry, try and breathe through it, honey."
"Shut up, you jerk.. You suck. Ow, oh, ow. I have to push."
"No. You wait for the doctor. Do not push yet, Lorelai."
"No, now! I have to push now!"
"Not yet. Wait for it. Please stop trying to push."
"No, no, no, I have to push now. I can't help it. I have to. It hurts, Luke. Oh, my God."
"Please, baby, just breathe. Look at me, Lorelai. Eyes on me. We're breathing right now, that's it."
"Go to hell."
"I will, right after you do the breathing thing."
"Get it out. Get it out. Please get it out of me. Oh, my God, get it out."
"It's okay, sweetie, it's okay. We're almost there. Wait for it...wait for it...."
"Now? Can I push now? Please, oh, ow."
"Okay, go for it. Listen to the woman, damn it. You can push. Come on, hon, give it all you've got. Push!"
"Oh, crap. Holy crap. Ow, ouch, oh my....ouch, ouch, ouch...you get out of here, you aren't helping. Oh, my God. Just go, you jerk."
"Shut up and push, Lorelai."
"No, get out, get out, get OUT!"
"You want me to go?"
"Yes. No. Ow, oh, my God. No, don't leave me, baby. Don't leave. Oh,it hurts. Don't leave me here."
"I'm not leaving. Just breathe now, honey. Just breathe."
"I love you. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I love you, too. You're doing fine. Just concentrate on the doctor, okay?"
"Where is she?"
"Where do you think?"
"Ow. Shit. Ow. You're not going to leave me, are you?"
"Of course not, I'm not going anywhere."
"Good. Holy Crap. Ouch. Oh, Jesus. Ouch, ouch, ow, ow! You suck for this."
"I'm sorry."
"Why do you want to hurt me?"
"I don't. I'm really sorry. Bad sperm. Now get ready for it, are you listening, Lorelai? We're getting ready for another push. We're almost there, baby."
"Okay. Oh, shit. Gotta push."
"Not yet. Wait for the doctor."
"No."
"Damn it, Lorelai. Hold on."
"No. Gotta push now. Ow, oh, ow."
"Okay, go for it. Push, damn it. Push, Lorelai!"
"Ow, it hurts, it hurts. It hurts so god damn much!"
"I know, baby. Let's get this over with. Push harder. Harder!"
"Ow. Shit. Damn. Hells bells. Ow, get it out of me. Is anybody actually pulling down there? Get it out, now!"
"Good job, baby. You're doing so good. Breathe now, baby. Lie back. You're okay. I love you. You're okay, baby."
"Oh, Luke. Oh, my God. That really sucked."
The baby's cries filled the room. Luke jerked to attention at the sound. He was so focused on Lorelai, he had almost forgotten that they weren't the only ones in the delivery room.
Lorelai closed her eyes, exhausted. "Is the baby okay?"
"Perfect," the doctor said. "Come here, Dad. Want to cut the umbilical cord?"
"No. Yes." Luke wobbled toward the doctor and gazed with wide eyes at the surgical scissors she handed him. He followed the instructions he was given, on auto-pilot. After making the cut, he handed the scissors back and stared, mesmerized, at the wailing newborn. "Oh, my God." He swallowed hard against the lump forming in his throat.
Lorelai tried to raise up. "What is it?" She wiped away a tear coursing down her cheek.
"It's a baby," Luke whispered, watching a nurse take the childto a table in the corner of the room.
"Duh." Lorelai laughed weakly and sank back into her bed. "A baby what?"
"Boy." Luke snapped out of his trance and returned to Lorelai's side. He bent over, kissed her forehead, and clutched her hand in his. "It's a boy."
"Oh, wow." Lorelai beamed. "I don't really know how to do boys."
"That's okay," Luke said. "I know a thing or two about boys."
The nurse returned with the baby, placing him in Lorelai's arms.
"There you go, Mommy," the nurse smiled. "Meet your son."
"Hi, baby boy." Lorelai sobbed as she counted fingers and toes.
"Oh, man," Luke said. "A boy. Gracie's gonna be pissed."
Lorelai chuckled. "She'll adjust."
"You think?" He stroked the little boy's closed fist with one finger, and the boy grunted in his sleep.
"I've got dibs." Lorelai scowled at Luke as he stared in amazement at the newborn. "You have your daddy's girl. I get to have my momma's boy."
"Poppy's girl," Luke said distractedly. Neither of them could tear their eyes away from their son. "Hey." Luke glanced up at his wife. "Do you think this kid will be normal and actually call me Daddy?"
"Who knows?" Lorelai ran a trembling hand over the soft crown of fuzz on the boy's head. "We've created quite the stubborn gene-pool here, in case you haven't noticed."
"I've noticed."
"Want a turn?"
"Yeah." He reached for the infant and cradled him close to his chest. "Hi, guy," Luke whispered. "I'm your daddy. Nice to finally meet you."
"Need a name." Lorelai yawned and pushed away the hand of the nurse who was trying to stick a thermometer in her mouth. "We could always go for William," she said before accepting defeating and allowing the woman to stick the device in her mouth.
Luke studied his son's face. "Doesn't fit," he said, disappointed. "He really doesn't look like a William. Besides, I see an endless onslaught of 'Will and Grace' jokes coming if we go down that road. Could we use it as his middle name?"
"Sure," she said. "How about Banjo William Danes?"
"Banjo?"
"Wolfgang??
"Stop it," Luke said. "Think normal."
"Normal. Pete? Michael? Jacob?" Lorelai rolled her eyes as Luke violently shook his head at every one of her suggestions.
"How about your middle name?" Lorelai asked. "Andrew William Danes?"
Luke frowned, considering the name. "Not bad," he said. "But I still don't think it fits."
Lorelai studied the boy, concentrating on finding a name that really fit the newborn. "How about...Alexander?"
Luke arched an eyebrow at Lorelai. "Does he look like an Alex to you?"
"No," Lorelai murmured. "But he kind of looks like a Xander."
"Xander?"
"Yeah," Lorelai said. "Very slick pop-culture reference. Rory will die over it."
"Pop-culture?" Luke asked. "How so?"
"Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
"Oh, boy." Luke sighed and returned his attention to the baby in his arms. "Well, I guess it's up to you, kid. We can't keep calling you Fetus...kind of inappropriate now. What do you think? Are you a Xander?"
The baby opened his eyes and stared at Luke, the brilliant blue sparkling and alert. He let out a loud grunt and smacked his lips, and Luke rolled his eyes. "Guess that's a yes."
"Yay." Lorelai stifled a yawn. "Then it's decided. Alexander William Danes, it is."
"All right. If you two insist. Welcome to the asylum, Xander. Watch out for that Gracie. She can be brutal."
Xander let out a loud snuffle and found his fist with his mouth. He began slurping his fingers and closed his eyes, content.
"Good idea," Luke said. "Any defense mechanism you can find, use it. You and me, we're surrounded by estrogen." He reluctantly turned the baby back over to Lorelai. "Here you go," he said. "Guess I'd better go update the waiting room residents that he's here."
Once alone, Lorelai peered at her newborn son. "Hiya, Xander," she said, softly stroking the baby's cheek. "You are now officially the newest member of the Danes family. Buckle your seatbelt, kiddo. It's going to be one heck of a ride."
Chapter 6: There's No Place Like Home
Lorelai cradled Xander in her arms. An enraptured crowd surrounded the couch they sat on. So many people were dropping by to offer their congratulations and to meet the new baby, that Luke had given up and left the front door open. A piece of paper was taped to the window reading "This way to baby", with an arrow pointing inside drawn underneath. The living room was filled with flowers, balloons, and wrapped boxes and baskets. Lorelai was flanked on either side by Richard and Emily, who were as uncharacteristically bubbly and excited as the rest of the gathered group.
Rory hung over the back of the couch, smiling at the baby, and Lorelai kept her eyes on Emily, awe-struck by the way her mother cooed over the baby, unrestrained. Richard’s arm was draped around Lorelai's shoulder as he caressed the dark, downy hair upon the boy’s head. Luke ran back and forth between the kitchen and the living room, opening bags of chips and pretzels and dumping them into bowls to accommodate the never-ending throngs of admirers. He stopped in front of the couch after depositing a bowl of cheese puffs on the coffee table.
“Everyone doing okay, here?" he asked, grinning at Lorelai when she smiled up at him.
"We're great, Babe.”
Luke nodded and flew back to the kitchen, pulling out a couple of bottles of soda from the fridge, and grabbing a bag of paper cups. He carried his armload out to the coffee table, and spun on his heels, intending to open up a few cans of Hawaiian Punch for variety. He came to a halt as he passed the staircase. Grace sat on the landing, staring mournfully at the gathered friends and family.
She craned her neck when Sookie and Jackson entered the living room, Sookie wrapping Lorelai and Xander in a suffocating hug. Gracie stared expectantly, but sighed and returned to twisting Bunbun's ears when Sookie didn't turn around. Luke watched as Grace reacted to the guests. She scanned the faces in the crowd, eyes darting around, lower lip occasionally pooching out, frowns forming and disappearing on her face. Grace suddenly smiled and waved, and Luke turned around to see who Grace was gazing at. Emily had raised her head, but apparently hadn't seen Grace, and she returned her attention to Xander. Luke looked back at Grace and groaned when he saw her face fall and she lowered her eyes to the ground, hugging Bunbun closer. Luke walked over to the steps.
"Hi, Gracie-pooh," he smiled, climbing the first couple of steps. "How's it going over here?"
Grace looked up at Luke. "Good.”
Luke sat next to her and kissed the top of her head. "Feeling left out?"
"Too much people." Grace flopped the bunny around in her lap.
"Tell me about it." Luke leaned against the wall and stretched out his legs. "Lots of people coming to say hi to your baby brother."
Grace’s face darkened. "Don't like him.”
"Why not?"
"He's boring," she said. "He just sleeps. Sometimes he cries."
"Yeah, babies pretty much just eat, sleep, cry and poo when they're new.”
Grace smiled at the mention of poo. "He pee-pottied on Rory.”
Luke smirked. "Yeah, he has good aim doesn't he?"
"He's yucky," she said. "He's a boy."
"Yes, he is," Luke said. "It's going to be different having another baby around now, isn't it?"
Grace looked crestfallen as she contemplated the idea. "Want to live with Apey.”
Luke blinked, surprised. "You want to live with April?"
"Uh huh," Grace said. "No boys there."
Luke furrowed his brow. "But I'm a boy. Don't you like me anymore?"
Grace eyed Luke warily. "I like you.”
“That’s a relief.” He scratched his head and gazed at the gathering of friends and family. “I work pretty hard at making you like me. I'd be sad if you didn't."
"Don’t be sad.”
"But you want to move away.”
"No babies with Apey," she reminded him.
"If you left, we'd miss you an awful lot.”
"Nuh uh," Grace said. "Nobody likes Gracie now."
"Lots of people like Gracie," he said. "Who doesn't like you anymore?"
Grace rolled her eyes and punched Bunbun angrily. "Mommy, and Rory, and Sookie, and Grammy, and Gramp, and Miss Patty," she said. "Nobody wants to talk to me."
"I'm talking to you.”
"Not for a long time.” Her bottom lip quivered.
"I'm sorry.” He reached out and stroked her cheek. "I was busy getting food and drinks and making room for our guests. I should have talked to you sooner. I'll do better."
"Mommy doesn't love me," Grace whispered, tears forming in her eyes.
“Aw, come on.” Luke frowned. "Your mommy does too love you, Gracie.”
"Mommy loves Baby Xan," she said.
"She loves you both. Mommies love all their babies."
"Nuh uh," Grace sais. "She spends all day with Xan."
"Babies are a lot of work," Luke tried to explain to Grace. "They can't do anything themselves when they're new, so we have to help them. Mommy has to spend a lot of time with Xander right now, because Xander needs her to feed him, and Rory and I have to help a lot because he can't change his diapers, he can't tell us why he's crying, and he can't just go to bed himself. It gets better when babies get older. We had to pay all this attention to you when you were new, but now you're a big girl, and you can do a lot of things yourself. As Xander gets older, he'll learn to do things on his own, too. It's not that we like him more than we like you. He just needs our help."
"Poppy, do you love me?" Grace whispered tearfully.
Luke swept Grace up into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. "Baby girl, Poppy loves you to the moon and back, and to the moon again. And don't you ever forget that, kid."
"You'll talk to me?"
Luke dotted her chubby cheek with kisses. "You're my best friend in the whole wide world, Gracie. I'll always talk to you."
"Bestest buddy?" Grace sniffed loudly and wiped her nose with her sleeve.
Luke produced a tissue from his pocket and wiped Grace's nose. "Bestest buddy ever," he said. "If you went to live with April, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I wouldn't have anyone to make busghetti for, I wouldn't have anyone to give me zerberk kisses, I wouldn't have anyone to go fishing with, and I wouldn't have anyone to play with at the lake. I'd be really lonely if you left."
"I don't wanna leave.” Tears welled in her eyes.
"You don't have to leave." Luke hugged her tighter. "You're the one who was ready to pack her bags. I'm the one asking you to stick around."
"Can Xander go?"
"Nope, we're stuck with him," he said. "But you're the big sister now. You get to teach him all kinds of fun things. You can teach him how to catch fireflies, and how to blow bubbles, and which houses have the best Trick or Treat loot. He's going to look up to you, and you get to boss him around."
"Really?"
"Yup," Luke smiled. "Trust me, I'm a big brother, and I got to boss Aunt Lizzie around a lot. Just be smart and don't let anyone catch you doing it, because then you get in trouble. Also, don't put a muddy frog in his bed, because you get grounded for a week."
"Did you do that, Poppy?" Grace giggled.
Luke grinned. "Yeah, but don't quote me on that. Aunt Lizzie is still afraid of frogs because of it."
"Did your mommy spank you?"
Luke swallowed hard. "Um, no, she didn't...uh...she didn't know I did that," he explained, avoiding the delicate subject of his mother’s passing. "But my dad yelled pretty loud at me."
“Hey, Poppy.” Grace turned around in Luke's lap and looked at Emily and Richard, then Lorelai. “Where is your mommy and daddy?”
Luke squirmed in place and tried to think of a simple explanation for the little girl. "Um...well...they're not here. They're in...uh, heaven," he muttered.
Grace stared at Luke, a solemn expression on her face. "Like angels?"
Luke nodded, feeling his throat tighten. "Yeah," he whispered. "Just like angels."
"Do you miss your mommy and daddy?"
"I miss them all the time," he said. "They would have loved you very, very much. You know, my mommy's name was Grace. That's why we gave you that name. My mommy was special, so we wanted you to have a special name."
"Was your daddy Xander?"
"No," Luke said. "But Xander's middle name is the same as my daddy's. His name was William, too."
"Are you going to go to heaven, too?"
"Not for a really long time,” he said. "Mommy and I are going to do our best to stick around for a long time. Don't you worry about that."
"But what if you do?”
Luke swallowed hard. "Then I promise you that I will watch you all the time. You wouldn't be able to see me, but I will always, always watch you, for ever and ever."
"Don't want you to go, Poppy," Grace murmured, burrowing back into Luke's arms.
"I wouldn't want to go," Luke said. "I don't want you to go live with April, either."
"I'll stay," she decided, snuggling up under her father’s chin.
"You will?"
"Yup," Grace said. "But boys are still yucky."
"Yeah. They are."
"Bestest buddies, Poppy?" she asked.
"Bestest buddies," he said. "You're my baby girl, no matter what."
"Okay," she said. "Can we get a froggy?"
Chapter 7: It Ain't Easy Being Green
Lorelai slumped into the kitchen carrying Xander on her shoulder. At the counter, Rory measured out heaping scoops of coffee into the coffeemaker filter. April, who had flown in Friday afternoon, shared crayons with Grace as they bent over a pair of coloring books, chattering gaily. Luke hovered over the stove, piling pancakes into a stack next to a mound of bacon. Lorelai smiled at the sight of her blended family gathered in the kitchen.
"Boy, I'm glad we decided to re-renovate this place," she said. "We wouldn't have been able to fit the entire family in the kitchen before."
"You'd better be happy with the additions." Luke cracked eggs into a skillet and began to scramble them. "We're going to be paying for them until we're 80."
"I am quite happy with them." Lorelai wandered over to where he stood and gave him a peck on the lips. "Morning, Handsome."
"Morning." Luke pressed a kiss to Xander's head.
"Hiya Mommy," Grace said. "Apey and me are coloring."
"I see that," Lorelai said. "Hey, April, so, were you happy with your new bedroom?"
"Loved it," April said. "Especially now that I don't have Grace jumping in my bed every two minutes asking me to read to her."
Rory snorted. "This house is starting to look like the Winchester Mystery House with all the new wings."
"Wings?" Luke carried their breakfast to the table. "I don't remember paying for wings. Four new rooms are more than enough, as far as our savings accounts are concerned."
"I am forever in debt to those savings accounts for being so kind as to allow us to stay here," Lorelai said. "I couldn't bear to move out of this place."
"In debt up to your ears, you mean." Luke waved a spatula at her. "With all the money we’ve sunk into this place, Tom's going to be able to buy the Twickham house himself."
"Well, if we decide to reproduce again, we'll just stick someone out in Grace's playhouse and pretend it's a pool house," Lorelai said.
"Put Xander there," Grace muttered as Luke slid a plate in front of her.
"Gracie, don't be mean.” Lorelai shot her a warning glare.
Grace looked at her plate and giggled. "Poppy made a happy face," she said. Her oversized pancake had two fried eggs for eyes, and a slab of bacon representing a mouth.
"Poppy is contributing to your state of perpetual spoiledness," Lorelai said.
Luke shrugged, offering Lorelai a guilty smile. "I refuse to comment on the grounds that it may incriminate me."
"Good idea, Burger Boy," Lorelai muttered, sitting at the table.
"Here." Luke brought over a handful of napkins and silverware, then slapped three empty plates on the table. "Orders up, guys. Hand Xan over and eat, Lorelai."
"Oh, goody," Lorelai said as Luke retrieved the baby from her arms. "Aren't you hungry yet?"
"I already ate a less artery-clogging breakfast." Luke cradled Xander in his arms and whispered to the boy.
"Poppy ate Lucky Charms," Grace said.
Luke glared at Grace. "Thanks a lot, kid."
"Ha," Lorelai said. She held up a fist in triumph. "Luke Danes, caught red-handed with a big bowl of high fructose...stuff. Ha!"
Luke rolled his eyes and gently rocked his son back and forth. "Okay, okay, sometimes I eat Lucky Charms. They're magically delicious. So sue me, already."
"Maybe I will," Lorelai said.
"Sorry," Luke shot back. "All my money is wrapped up in the ever expanding Crapshack. It's like a bad Stephen King novel. The house is alive and it keeps growing, and feeding on my wallet."
"Does that make the house vegan since it technically isn't eating any animal products?" Rory paused to ponder the concept before tearing into her pancakes.
"That depends," April said. "Is the wallet leather?"
"It's polyester.” Lorelai laughed and reached for a piece of bacon.
"It's durable," Luke said. "Despite the teethmarks."
"Non-biodegradable though," April said.
"Is there a wallet crisis in the landfills?" Luke asked.
"Maybe not now, but someday, if we don't take responsibility for our irresponsible synthetic wallet consumption now," Rory said.
"Al Gore would not be pleased with you, Luke. You really need to start thinking green, my dear," Lorelai said.
"Reduce, Reuse, Recycle," April said.
"Oscar the Grouch is green," Grace chimed in. "So is Dipsy."
"Is it Dipsy?" Rory asked, frowning.
"I thought Po was green," April said.
"No, Po is red, Laa Laa is yellow, and Tinky Winky is purple," Lorelai said.
"Dipsy is green." Grace said.
Luke sighed. "Glad we got that straightened out. I can't believe we're discussing Teletubbies."
"Time for tubby tustard," Grace chanted.
"Crud, now I'm going to have the Teletubbies song stuck in my head all day," Rory said. "I can't go back to work tomorrow with visions of Laa Laa dancing around in my head."
"I don't have much sympathy for you," April said. "I woke up just in time to hear 'Captain Feathersword'. I really hate the Wiggles."
"I like Jeff," Grace said, and started singing softly to herself. "Toot, toot, chugga, chugga, big red car..."
"No!" April and Rory yelled in unison, clapping their hands over their ears.
Luke laughed and leaned up against the refrigerator, thoroughly enjoying the bickering amongst his girls.
"Weren't we discussing something about recycling?" Lorelai frowned.
"I forget," April said, and ate a forkful of her pancakes.
"Know who else is green?" Grace asked.
"Who?"
"Bloo!" Grace said.
"Blue is green?" Luke asked.
"Which one do you mean, Gracie?" Lorelai asked. "Blue's Clues Blue or Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends' Bloo?"
"Foster Bloo.”
"You're such a goof," April said. "Bloo is blue."
"Bloo who?" Grace asked.
"Doesn't matter which blue she means, sis, Blue is blue and so is Bloo," Rory said.
"Well, Tuck the Turtle is green," Grace said.
"Yes, Tuck is green," Lorelai said.
"Who's Tuck?" Rory asked.
"Wonderpets," Lorelai said.
Rory blinked. "Not a clue."
"Dad says Linny freaks him out," April said with a laugh.
"Who's Linny?" Rory asked.
"The freaky gerbil," Luke muttered, shifting the baby onto his other shoulder.
"Linny's a hamster, Poppy," Gracie said.
"I thought Linny's a guinea pig," Lorelai said.
"Either way, Linny is freaky, and Linny is NOT green," Luke said.
"Boo-bahs are pretty freaky," April said.
"So are the Doodlebops," Rory said. "Those big hands kind of give me the willies."
"Sherri Lewis is way freaky," Lorelai chimed in.
"Ew, the hand puppet," Rory said. "Seems kind of unhygienic."
"I like Porkchop," Grace said and reached for her sippy cup of orange juice.
"Lambchop!" Lorelai, April and Rory all cried simultaneously, laughing.
"Sweet Jesus.” Luke squeezed his eyes shut and groaned.
"I want a frog," Grace said.
"What is this frog kick you've been on lately?" Lorelai asked.
Luke cleared his throat loudly. "No clue. Anyone want more food?"
"Nope," April replied.
"No thanks, Luke, I'm good," Rory said.
"Can I have more coffee?" Lorelai asked.
"No. You’re breastfeeding.”
"More juice, please," Grace said, waving her sippy cup in the air.
"Coming right up," Luke said, grabbing Grace's cup and refilling it.
"Now, the Muppet Show, that was high class entertainment," Rory said.
"Oh god, yes," Lorelai said. “I miss Statler and Waldorf. Never before and never since has there been such a perfect comedic duo.”
"I had a Gonzo thing for ages," April said.
"You had a thing for Gonzo?" Rory wrinkled her nose.
"I thought Gonzo was funny, I didn't want to marry him," April said.
"Not judging.” Rory held up her hands. "Mom had a thing for Oompa Loompas, so it seemed like a logical thing for you to love a Muppet."
April looked at Lorelai warily. "Oompa Loompas?"
"Don't ask," Lorelai said. "I can't explain it."
"They're orange, and weird looking," April said. "And those eyebrows?"
"Go, Diego, go!" Grace squealed.
"You think Diego is cute?" Rory asked.
"Nope," Grace replied, taking a gulp of juice from her sippy cup as April and Rory stared at Grace blankly.
"I think she's just free-associating, now," Lorelai said.
Luke shook his head and looked at Xander. "You see what we're up against, kid?" he asked, as the girls continued their chatter. Xander gurgled at Luke in response. "That what I say," he said. "We're surrounded by crazy ladies. God help us."
Chapter 8: Once Upon A Mattress
Grace sleepily opened one eye to look at Luke, who was sitting on the edge of her bed. "Hi, Poppy," she said, and rubbed her eyes with balled fists.
"Morning, Monkey." Luke laid down beside Grace, and pulled a stuffed animal out from under him. "Guess what day it is?"
"Happy birthday to me." Grace yawned.
"Yep, it's finally your birthday," Luke said. "Do you feel older?"
Grace nodded. "I'm all growed up now.”
"I think you have a little more growing up to do yet." Luke scratched his chin. "Even though four is pretty darn old."
"I can do lots," Grace said.
"Like what?" He stretched out his legs and placed his hands behind his head.
"I know A-B-C, I can tie my shoes, and swim, and Miss Patty says I’m a good apple.” She thought for a moment, and her face brightened. “I help Mommy make peanut butter an’ jelly sandwiches.”
"Wow, you really ARE grown up," Luke said. "But can you handle your liquor?"
"Huh?"
"Never mind." Luke chuckled and repositioned a pillow under his head.
"I told you I was growed up," Grace said.
"I stand corrected.”
Grace snuggled up to Luke. "Tell me the story, Poppy," she pleaded, tugging on Luke's flannel shirt.
"What story?"
Grace sighed. "My birthday story.”
"Oh, that old thing?" Luke smoothed her sleep-tousled hair. "Aren't you bored with that story yet?"
"Nuh uh," Grace said. "Tell me."
"Okay.” Luke wrapped his arm around the little girl and pulled her blanket up around her. "Just try not to interrupt, so we can get this over with. You always yammer your way through the story, and it takes forever.”
"I'll be quiet," Grace said.
"Good. Okay, here we go." Luke settled back into the pillows as he began the story of Grace's first birthday. "It was four years ago on this very day. It was a really cold morning, and the snow was falling already when Mommy and I woke up. Mommy was so excited about the snow, she didn't mind that I accidentally woke her up at 4:30 in the morning—“
"Cuz Mommy and snow go way back?"
"Yeah, Mommy and snow go way back. They have an understanding. Only good things are supposed to happen when it snows. Now, Mommy and snow had a big falling out a long time ago, and things got ugly for a while, but that's a whole different story. What matters here is that Mommy and snow, they made up. So she was really happy to see it coming for a visit that morning—."
"But you weren't."
"Stop interrupting me. I'm losing my train of thought."
"Sorry." She giggled and clutched Bunbun to her chest.
"It's okay. I had to get to the diner for a delivery, but I woke up late. The weather reports said the snow wouldn't start falling until the afternoon, so I didn't prepare myself. I didn't have enough time to dig out the truck, so I had to walk to work. The snow was already getting deep, and it got in my boots—"
"Cold feet."
"Yup, cold, wet feet. And I was already grouchy, anyway."
"Cuz it's your Dark Day."
"Who's telling this story?” He gave a curl a playful tug. “Zip it and listen."
"Sorry."
"It's okay. So, I was already pretty grumpy because it was my Dark Day."
" Grandpa Danes went to Heaven."
"Yeah. Now shush. So, I was feeling pretty down, I was kind of a jerk to your Mommy, my feet were cold and wet, and all the customers at the diner were being really annoying that day."
"’Specially Kirk."
"Geez, should I let you tell the story?"
"Sorry."
"It's okay. Now, where was I?"
"Kirk."
"Yeah, Kirk. He was being a real moron. He couldn't decide what shape he wanted his grilled cheese cut into when he came in for lunch..."
"Kirk's a big baby."
"Yeah, he is."
"What did he pick?"
"He decided that since I was so edgy that day, that he wanted little squares."
"I don't get it."
"Me neither.” Luke shrugged and took a deep breath. “I told you he was being a moron."
"Maybe he meant corners."
"Maybe. Are you done now?"
"Yeah. Sorry."
"It's okay. So, it was snowing really hard by the time the afternoon rush was in full swing..."
"It was almost a blizzard!"
"You know what? I'm just going to write this down, and you can read it later. I'll use really short words."
"No, don't. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. So, we've got a packed house when the power goes out."
"That sucks."
"Hey!"
"That stinks. Sorry."
"Watch the mouth."
"Sorry."
"It's okay. The power goes out, the phone isn't working, my generator is broken, and I have a diner full of hungry people. Kirk starts whining about how he's afraid of the dark, and I was mad because of..."
"Your Dark Day."
"Stop it."
"Sorry."
"It's okay. I was mad because I didn't want to be there in the first place, and Kirk was screaming about the dark, which was really dumb because it was the middle of the afternoon. So I yelled at him to calm down, because it was freaking daytime, for Christ's sake..."
"Hey!"
"Sorry. Language. I forgot."
"It's okay."
"Good. So, I'm caught up in all the ruckus, Kirk leans over and steals my flashlight out from under my counter and runs out of the diner. I didn't even really think about..."
"Mommy."
"Exactly. So, I wasn't expecting anything when Babette comes running into the diner, panting and screaming and saying she could smell sawdust or something. I thought she was just being Babette. But when she finally catches her breath, she starts screaming 'Lorelai's in labor! Lorelai's in labor!' which completely freaked me out, because she hadn't called my cell phone. So I grab my coat, tell everybody to get out when they're done, and start to run out the door to go home—"
"But Kirk came back."
"I'm taking your birthday presents back to the store."
"No! I'm sorry."
"It's okay, just shush now. So just as I reach out to grab the doorknob..."
"Whammo!"
"Exactly. Kirk tries to run back into the diner, and he slams the door right into my face. I thought he broke my nose."
"Again."
"Yeah, blood just started gushing out of my nose, and Kirk just stood there in the doorway like a deer caught in the—"
"Headlights."
"I'm putting you up for adoption."
"No, don't. Sorry."
"It's okay. So I'm trying to contain the waterfall of blood that's flying out of my nose, and he's in my way and I got really, really, REALLY mad, and did the only thing I could think to do."
"Whammo again!"
"Yeah. I shoved the door into Kirk's face. And his nose started bleeding, and he started to cry and he ran home to his mother. That made me feel good, but then I had to run all the way home to your Mommy, because, in case you forgot, she was in labor. I pulled out my cell phone as I was running home to your Mommy, and boy, did my stomach drop, because—"
"You turned it off."
"Quiet, you."
"Sorry."
"It's okay. So, as I was running, I turned on the phone, and there were, like, a thousand missed phone calls from your Mommy. I tried to dial 9-1-1 while I was running, to get an ambulance, but I couldn't get through. I got home, and your Mommy was sitting on the porch with her hospital bag, and she was all bundled up. And, boy, did she ever look mad."
"She yelled at you good.”
"Yes, she did. And we can't repeat the names she called me, but they were really good names. Mommy said she called 9-1-1, but they told her the closest ambulance was stuck in a snow bank and we would have to try to make it on our own, or have the baby on our own."
"Hospital time!"
"You'd better believe it. I piled Mommy and myself into the Jeep, and we started to drive to the hospital. Mommy's water broke before we made it out of Stars Hollow, and I couldn't drive much faster than eight miles per hour."
"Cuz all the snow."
"Is there any point in me trying to get you to quit yammering?"
"Sorry. I'll stop."
"It's okay. So, Mommy is screaming at me to drive faster, and I was doing the best I could, but I couldn't get any speed. We practically slid into a ditch at one point, and your Mommy was screaming and crying. When we were halfway there, I swear she kicked me in the ear, she was flailing around in her seat so much. I told her to put her leg down because if she shot that baby out at me, we were getting a divorce."
"Mommy didn't think that was very funny."
"No, she certainly didn't. Never joke with a pregnant lady. So we get about a mile away when your Mommy starts screaming louder than ever. She looks at me and screams, 'I can feel the head! I can feel the head! Can you see it?', and I started screaming and yelling, 'I'm not looking at it! I'm not looking at it!', and then I..."
"You covered your eyes."
"I covered my eyes, which isn't smart because I was still driving, but we were at the hospital. Your Mommy starts screaming at me to uncover my eyes, and I suddenly remembered I was driving. I put my hands back on the steering wheel, but I overcorrected myself and ended up throwing us into a spin. We actually slid backwards INTO the hospital parking lot, and hit a light pole. We bounced off the pole, and I turned the Jeep around and tried to drift over to the entrance, since your Mommy was about to drop the baby right in the car. But the Jeep slid again, and technically, I hit the emergency room. It was just a tap, but still..."
"And then you ran inside."
"Yep, I dragged your Mommy inside the emergency room, which wasn't easy because her legs kept giving out, so I really, actually dragged her into the emergency room, heels dragging in the snow. The nurse took one look at your Mommy, screamed for an orderly who ran over with a wheelchair, and we all ran into the emergency room. The nurse and the orderly got Mommy up on a bed, still screeching at the top of her lungs, I was screaming at the top of my lungs, the nurse screamed for a doctor, who ran over and took one look at your Mommy—"
"And he put out his arms."
"Yep. Catcher's style. He should have had a mitt. Your mom kind of pushed once, and OUT flew the baby."
"Taadaa!"
"That was the last Dark Day ever for your old Poppy. From that day forward, November 30th would always be the day that my crazy, beautiful, funny, weird little Gracie was born. And that, my friend, is the official Grace Lynn Danes birthday story," Luke said. "What do you think, you goof, as good as last year?"
"Best story in the world." Gracie clapped her hands. "Thank you for telling it to me again, Poppy."
"You're welcome, birthday girl." Luke grinned and kissed Grace on the forehead. "And thank you for being that baby."
"You're welcome.”
"Okay, go brush your teeth, I'll get your birthday breakfast started," Luke said. He slid out of bed and , put his hands on his hips, watching as she climbed out from under the covers.
"Lots of chocolate chips?" Grace asked.
"Tons," Luke said, and headed toward the bedroom door. He stopped short when he saw Lorelai leaning on the doorframe, arms crossed, and a wide smile on her face.
"How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough," Lorelai said. "You know what? I never really realized it before." She linked arms with Luke and headed for the stairs. "Everyone is always telling me how Gracie has you wrapped around her little finger."
"Yeah, so?" Luke asked, feigning defensiveness.
"So, I didn't realize until just now," she said. "How much you have Gracie wrapped around your little finger. Sneaky little bastard, aren't you?"
Luke shrugged and followed his wife down the stairs. "I have no idea what you're talking about, lady."
"I'll just bet you don't.”
Chapter 9: There's A Wocket In My Pocket
"This cake is simply divine, Sookie, you've really outdone yourself," Emily said, dabbing the corner of her mouth with a paper napkin.
"It really is mouth-watering," Richard chimed in. "I never thought I could eat this much chocolate without getting ill."
"I'm going to need to go to the dentist tomorrow." Luke stabbed his slice of cake with his fork.
"You ordered it Luke," Sookie said. "I distinctly remember one Luke Danes calling me and saying he needed a chocolate/chocolate chip cake with double chocolate icing. And fudge drizzle."
"I was under duress," he said.
"Luke, you've let that child lead you around by the nose for so long, it's a wonder you even know how to speak without her permission." Emily’s reproach was delivered in teasing tone.
"I'm not that bad.”
"Says the man who was ready to go Tanya Harding on poor Stacy Keppler just because Miss Patty chose Stacy to be a solo dancing snowflake in her Winter Spectacular." Lorelai laughed, joining the cluster of grown-ups.
"I wasn't going to go Tanya Harding on anyone, I just thought that Patty didn't weigh the facts well.”
"And the worst part was, Gracie was so gracious in her defeat,” Lorelai said. “She told Stacy that she was going to be a good snowflake, and she was perfectly content with being a dancing snowball in the background. Gracie doesn't care about leads as long as she gets to jump around in a circle for an hour."
"Now, Lorelai, don't be so dismissive of her skill. Gracie is quite the accomplished dancer for her age," Emily said. "She exudes elegance when she dances."
Luke laughed. "Too bad she hasn't gotten the walking thing down, yet," he said, pointing across the room as Grace fell over Maury's foot, as if on cue.
"It's probably all the chocolate," Richard said. "I'm surprised the children haven't fallen into a sugar coma yet."
"We're spacing it out so they go into toxic shock just in time for bed," Lorelai said.
"Ah." Richard nodded. "An excellent plan."
"Okay, everybody." Lorelai turned to address the rest of the party-goers. "Gather round. It’s time for the birthday girl to open her presents."
"Yay!" Grace squealed. "My favorite part!"
"Yay!" Xander clapped his hands and looked around in anticipation.
"You don't get any presents, Xan. It's not your birthday, and you're not a girl," Grace muttered.
"Yay!" Xander repeated as Lorelai sat on the floor near the coffee table.
"Okay, Gracie-kins, Git 'er done," she said.
"Okay." Grace grinned, and adjusted her pink tiara and feather boa before proceeding. "Which one?" she asked, overwhelmed by the stack of presents on the table.
Lorelai picked up a gift as Xander crawled into her lap. "Here’s one from Sookie." Lorelai handed the box to Grace.
"Pretty." Grace traced a finger around the cartoon ballerinas featured on the wrap. With great care, she pulled the big silver bow off of the small package and handed it to the baby. "Here, Xander," Grace offered diplomatically.
"Yay!" Xander said in gratitude and attempted to stuff the bow into his mouth.
Grace tore the paper and opened the box. "Oh." She gasped and held up a large crystal frog. "Pretty frog!" Grace hurled herself into Sookie's arms.
"I figured if your Mom and Poppy wouldn't let you have the real deal, I could at least get you the next best thing." Sookie giggled.
"Look, Poppy," Grace cried, running to Luke. "It's a diamond froggy. I bet it's worth a million, thousand dollars."
"At least," Luke agreed, with a laugh.
"See!" Xander craned his neck to catch a glimpse of the sparkling frog in his sister's hands.
Grace squatted down next to Lorelai and Xander. "See my frog?" She dangled the frog in front of her brother, whose eyes grew wide as he reached for the frog.
Grace tightened her grip. "You can pet it, but that's it," she warned. Xander patted the frog happily, then returned his attention to the bow she’d given him earlier. Grace slowly worked her way through her presents, taking her time to admire the paper on each and every gift, and taking even more time to hug each gift giver, showcasing the gift around the room, and stooping momentarily so Xander could inspect each item.
"Here's one from Rory," Lorelai said, sliding a brightly-wrapped package Grace's way.
"The Wiggles!"
"Toot, toot, chugga, chugga," Lorelai said.
"Toot!" Xander bellowed, smacking a bow onto his forehead.
"Another weird one," Luke said, with a roll of his eyes.
"The gene-pool bites us in the butt yet again." Lorelai laughed as Xander leaned forward to gnaw on the coffee table.
"Lorelai, he's going to get a splinter," Emily said.
"Or blood poisoning from the wood stain," Richard said.
"Guess I shouldn't tell you about his nasty habit of eating lead paint chips.”
"What?" Emily cried, horrified.
"Kidding, Mom," Lorelai said. "Quick, Grace, open up the present and distract the grandparents."
Grace complied, tearing open Rory's gift. Grace's eyes grew round as she looked at her loot. "Books!" she said. "Lots and lots of books!"
"Wow!" Lorelai exclaimed. "Hop on Pop, The Cat in the Hat, Green Eggs and Ham. I think you've got the entire Dr. Seuss collection now."
"We'll call Rory tonight and say thanks," Luke said.
Grace nodded. "Cool books," she whispered reverently.
Richard leaned forward to inspect the collection. "It's good to see another bookworm in the family."
Grace worked her way through the last of her gifts, modeling the pretty royal blue winter coat with matching muffler that Emily had selected, tooting out a wretched version of 'Happy Birthday' on the harmonica Richard had given her before generously allowing Xander to play with it, and trying to get the Furbies that Lorelai had presented her with to interact. Grace gave up and handed Xander the purple Furbie. "Here Xan, it talks," she said. Xander gave the Furbie a hard shake, and settled back in Lorelai's lap to chew contentedly on its fur.
"Looks like there's no more gifts." Babette pouted on Grace's behalf.
"I got lots of cool stuff," she said.
"You've got one more gift," Luke said. He pulled a slender black box from his pocket and handed it to his daughter.
"What's that?" Lorelai asked, narrowing her eyes.
Luke shrugged. "Nothing big," he said.
Grace took the box and opened it on its hinges. "Wow!" she held up the gift and showed it to Lorelai.
"Oh my," Lorelai said. "Well, how about that? So pretty, Turn around, I'll put it on for you.”
Lorelai pulled the necklace out of the box and fastened the clasp behind Grace's neck. "All set," she said.
"What did Poppy get you?" Emily asked. Grace walked over to Emily and poked her chin upward. "Well that's just lovely.”
"Uh huh." Grace modeled the necklace for the rest of the crowd, proudly showing off the delicate silver snowflake charm that Luke had given her. Grace ran to Luke after everyone had oohed and ahhed over her new necklace.
Luke leaned over and scooped Grace up into his arms.
"Thank you, Poppy," Grace whispered, planting a kiss on Luke's cheek and wrapping her arms tight around his neck. "It's the prettiest snowflake in all the world."
"Glad you like it," Luke said, and whispered into Grace's ear. "I think you're a much better snowflake than Stacy Keppler could ever be."
Grace giggled. "I think so, too," she whispered back.
"We'll show 'em next year.”
"Yeah," Grace said.
The party slowly wound down, and Emily, Lorelai, Sookie and Luke started cleaning up. Richard sat on the couch with Xander on his lap, and Grace at his side, struggling through a reading of 'Horton Hears a Who'. Richard helped Grace sound out the words she had trouble with, which were numerous still, but he was impressed with her growing ability to read, and told her so often. Xander had confiscated a fairy wand from Grace's birthday loot, and Grace had given up the struggle to reclaim it. Xander was now thoughtfully banging Richard's knee with the wand, stopping only long enough to occasional suck on the star on the tip. Richard magnanimously allowed Xander to whack him on the head ever so often. Emily returned to the couch to engage in some quality cuddling time with Grace before she and her husband left for the evening.
Lorelai noticed the group on the couch, grabbed her camera and tiptoed to the steps, zooming in on the unaware grandparents and grandchildren with the lens. She waited until everyone looked good and pressed the button. They looked up as the flash lit up the room. Xander smiled widely, too late, and whacked Richard on the head once more with Grace's wand.
Emily stood up. "I suppose it's time for Richard and I to leave," she said. "It's getting late."
Grace pouted. "Don't go Grammy.”
"It's almost your bedtime, sweetheart. I'm sure Mommy and Poppy want to spend some alone time with the birthday girl before you go to sleep.”
"Thank you for my coat, and my 'monica," Grace grinned, craning her neck to kiss Richard's cheek. She crawled off the couch and hugged her grandmother’s knees.
"You're very welcome, child." Richard stood and handed Xander to Lorelai.
"Mom mom," Xander chortled, whacking Lorelai on the shoulder with the wand.
"Gee thanks," Lorelai said as she unsuccessfully dodged the blow. "Thanks for coming, Mom, Dad." Lorelai smiled as Luke handed the Gilmores their coats.
"Thank you for inviting us," Emily said. "If you don't mind, I'd like a copy of that photo you took.”
"Absolutely," Lorelai said. "I'll bring it over next Friday."
The Gilmores said their goodbyes. Xander and Gracie were put to bed, and Luke and Lorelai finally got their chance to rest. They stretched out on the couch, exhausted.
Luke stroked her hair. "Birthday parties, hard work," he said.
"Just think how bad it's going to be next year.”
Luke sat up violently, nearly knocking Lorelai from the couch. "You’re not serious, are you?
Lorelai laughed. "Sucker.”
"You suck," he said, falling back against the couch. "You almost gave me a heart attack."
"That was the point.” She cast a side-long glance at her husband. "Would it be so bad, having another baby?”
"You want another baby?"
"Well, maybe not this minute, but then, you know, we don't have a lot of time to make babies anymore.” Lorelai picked up a discarded ribbon and twirled it in her hand.
"True.” Luke sighed and ran a hand over his grizzled cheeks. “I don't want to be ninety years old with a four year old tramping on my oxygen tubes.”
She gave his forearm a squeeze. "Maybe we could just think about one more?"
"You're really serious about this?" Luke asked.
She nodded slowly. "Yeah, I think so.”
Luke looked around the cramped living room. "Where in the hell are we going to put it?”
"We could rearrange things," she said. “We could relocate April and Rory’s beds into one room. They're rarely here at the same time."
"True," Luke said.
"It's kind of cozy, here, don't you think?"
"Cozy in the 'Excuse me, could you get your elbow out of my left nostril?' kind of way.” He rubbed his arm when Lorelai gave it a punch. "You really want another baby?"
"I'd like to try for one more. But only if you want to.”
"Oh, boy." Luke took off his baseball cap and ran his fingers through his hair. "This is a set-up, I just know it."
"No set-up.” She said. “If you really don't want to do it, it's okay.”
"Remember Jackson's four in four plan? Or was it five in five? Seven in seven?" Luke asked.
"Something like that," Lorelai said. "Why?"
"How did we end up actually carrying that plan out? We’re worse than bunnies.” He grit his teeth together and bowed his head. “Okay,” he said. “I’m in.”
She gasped and gripped his arm tighter. "Are you sure?"
"I guess so," Luke said with a sigh.
"Oh, yay" Lorelai grabbed his shirt and pulled him into a kiss.
"Mmm," Luke murmured against her lips. "Wanna start right now?"
Lorelai stood up and held out her hand. "Come here, my sexy little sperm factory. Let's go make some babies."
"Only if you wear that lacy little thong thing you've been claiming to own.” He wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck.
"How convenient." Lorelai grazed his earlobe with her teeth and gave a playful tug. "I happen to be wearing it right now."
Luke pulled away and turned her toward the steps. "Upstairs. Now.”
Chapter 10: Grandma, What Big Eyes You Have
"Look at us," Liz smiled at Luke. "You're here, I'm here, it Christmas, we're living in the same town, our kids are growing up together. Dad would shit a brick if he saw how normal we turned out to be, you know?"
"Normal?" Luke asked, regarding the scene before him. Xander was propped up near the Christmas tree, methodically trying to remove a piece of tape from one finger, only to get it stuck on another finger time after time. Grace was twirling around the living room in the new tutu Santa had left under the tree for her, as the strains of "Dance This Mess Around" by the B-52s floated out of April's new Ipod speakers. Doula and T.J. were immersed in a terse game of Chutes and Ladders that had somehow developed a twenty dollar pot that was on the line. April was sprawled out in a chair reading Nietzsche, and Jess was hovering by the fireplace, trying to avoid Liz. Lorelai and Rory were sequestered in the kitchen doing cappuccino shots off of the new cappuccino machine Lorelai received as a gift. All of this was happening as Liz and Luke were sprawled on the couch discussing their so-called normalcy.
Liz shrugged. "Well, at least as close to normal as we're capable of being," she admitted. "Besides, none of these guys have ever had to go looking for their socks in a dishwasher."
"Never going to let me live that down, are you?" Luke mumbled.
"You're a good brother," Liz grinned. "You were a pretty sucky mother, but you're turning out to be one hell of a father."
"Thanks," Luke smiled, looking at his kids happily.
Lorelai and Rory returned to the living room, practically vibrating from all the caffeine they had just consumed.
Rory sat on the floor, leaning against April's chair and playfully smacking her dangling feet away. Lorelai curled up on the couch next to Luke.
"Thanks again for the book, Jess," Rory smiled shyly. "I forgot how soothing Robert Frost's poetry could be."
"No problem," Jess shrugged nervously. "I figured it would be a good evening stress-buster for unwinding from those hectic days as Lois Lane, Super Reporter."
Rory thumbed through the collection and began reading aloud."The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep..."
"And miles to go before I sleep," Grace sang out as she helicoptered past Rory and April.
Rory, Jess, and April stared at the spinning girl, mouths agape.
"How in the hell did she know that?" Jess asked in shock.
"Kid must be a genius,' April laughed.
"Freaky," Rory muttered.
"Maybe she's an idiot savant," Jess cracked, watching Grace trip over Xander and sprawl on the floor.
"I heard that," Luke growled. "Don't make me get up out of my seat."
"My bad," Jess exclaimed. "She probably just inherited your deep love of iambic pentameter."
"Shut it," Luke grumped.
"What IS your favorite poem, Luke?" Rory teased.
"Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay..." April intoned solemnly
"Rage, rage against the dying of the light," Rory cried dramatically, placing the back of her hand to her forehead.
"Funny guys, aren't you?" Luke groaned.
"You two are all wrong," Jess replied. "His favorite poem is 'There once was a man from Venus, who's head was shaped like a...'."
"Jess!" April, Rory, Liz, Luke and Lorelai all shouted in horror.
"I'm just sayin'," Jess grinned.
"Bunch of savages in this town," Lorelai sighed, smiling down at Xander as he crawled toward her.
"Having fun, baby boy?" Lorelai cooed as she pulled Xander up into her lap.
"Ungh," Xander grunted in annoyance, shaking his hand violently, still trying to rid himself of the offending piece of tape clinging to his fingers.
"Here, kiddo," Lorelai laughed as she pulled the tape off of him. Xander collapsed back against Lorelai in relief. He grabbed her hand and began chewing on her knuckle.
Luke looked quizzically at the boy. "Told you we should have bought his some rawhide for his stocking."
"He's cutting another tooth," Lorelai scowled, defending Xander's obsessive need to chew.
"Blerx!" Xander agreed, reaching over to pat Luke on the arm.
"Blerx is right," Luke agreed as he grabbed Xander and pulled the boy into his own lap.
"Hey!" Lorelai sulked.
"Share," Luke chided.
"You're one to talk," Lorelai said, pouting.
"Where's the daddy?" Luke asked, standing Xander up on his lap and bouncing him up and down.
"Da, Da, Da, Da, toot!" Xander chanted, giving Luke's nose a tweak.
"Ouch," Luke winced.
"Outs," Xander repeated softly.
"No, wait, he's safe," Luke joked. "Next batter up, he swings, and line drive up the middle, look at him go..."
"It's a gapper!" Grace cried, jumping up and down behind the couch.
"Always a gapper when Manny's at the bat," Luke said approvingly.
Grace leaned over the back of the couch between Luke and Lorelai. "I'm going to marry Manny," she sighed dreamily.
"Good grief," Lorelai moaned. "You've polluted her brain. Now I have to deal with another baseball junkie in the house."
Luke nodded. "The girl has good taste. And the greatest baseball team in the world is?"
"Red Sox!" Grace squealed.
"And don't you forget it, baby girl," Luke grinned.
"It's such a shame that you got hurt in your senior year," Liz remembered sadly. "You were a really great pitcher."
"I thought Luke was the big man on campus because of track," Rory pointed out.
"He was really great at track, but Luke was a hard-core, bad-ass pitcher," Liz beamed proudly.
"Really?" Lorelai asked.
"I told you I pitched," Luke shrugged.
"You didn't mention that you were that good," Lorelai muttered. "You said you could have played in college, but you hurt your arm, and you had to stay home with your dad anyway."
"Luke had recruiters chasing him down the street," Liz clarified. "The biggest schools in the country were fighting over him."
"Seriously?" Jess asked, intrigued.
"It was no big deal," Luke sighed, trying to focus on the game of pattycake he was engaging in with Xander.
"Liz said he had a ninety-something mile per hour fast pitch, " T.J. piped in.
"That fast?" April asked, sitting upright.
"Not all the time," Luke shrugged. "They just happened to clock one of my pitches at 97 when the recruiters were hanging around."
"What did they call you during baseball season?" Liz asked, scrunching up her face as she tried to remember the name.
"Butch!" Rory giggled.
"Yeah, but no, they called you Dead-Eye, didn't they?" Liz laughed.
"I don't remember anymore," Luke groaned. "Can we change the topic now?"
"Geez," Jess muttered, impressed. "97 miles per hour. That's like, Nolan Ryan caliber."
"Not exactly," Luke shook his head, blushing a little.
"So you turned down college to stay with Grandpa?" Jess asked, trying to tread lightly on the delicate subject matter that William Danes tended to be for Luke.
"He blew out his rotator cuff at practice," Liz sighed. "I was there when he did it, too."
"You were?" Luke asked, surprised.
"I was under the bleachers with Carrie, you know, smoking a little wacky weed?" Liz whispered.
"Wow, I didn't know you were there," Luke said.
"Yeah, our friend Dave was the shortstop," Liz explained. "He swore he could hear a pop or a crack or something and you just dropped like a ton of bricks. I looked up and you were flat on your back, the coach was hovering over you, and you were screaming your head off."
"I wasn't screaming," Luke yelped.
"Not girly screaming, it was very manly..um, grunting and groaning. You really looked like you were in a hell of a lot of pain."
"Thanks for checking on me," Luke said dryly.
"Hey, I couldn't get busted," Liz said apologetically.
"It really hurt," Luke admitted, shaking his head. "I had to have surgery, and I was laid up for months afterward. No more baseball, no more college."
"That sucks, babe," Lorelai said sympathetically.
"You could have gone pro, couldn't you?" Jess mused.
Luke shrugged. "That was the goal. But, it didn't happen. It is what it is," Luke sighed.
"Yay!" Xander interjected, inappropriately.
"Thanks for your support," Luke snarked at the boy.
"Bliggit," Xander muttered, and stuffed a corner of Luke's flannel shirt into his mouth.
"Well, on that note, I'm going to go check the turkey," Lorelai announced, patting Luke on his knee and wandering out into the kitchen.
"What does she think she's going to do with the turkey?" Rory wondered.
"She's going to open the oven, stare at the turkey, let all the heat out, close the door, and come out here to tell me to come look," Luke explained.
"Ah," Rory laughed.
"She'll actually know what she's looking for in another 12 years or so," April giggled.
"Baby steps," Jess smirked.
"I win!" T.J. roared, scooping up the twenty dollars laying on the floor. "In your face, kid," he crowed.
Doula rolled her eyes and climbed up next to Liz. "Daddy is a dork," she sighed.
"Yes, baby, I know," Liz nodded.
"Hey, Poppy," Grace whispered, climbing over the back of the couch into Lorelai's spot.
"What's up, monkey?" Luke asked, dodging as Xander reached back over his head to tweak Luke's nose again.
"I'm sorry you didn't get to play baseball," Grace said.
"It's okay," Luke smiled. "If I played baseball, things would have been a lot different."
"How?" Grace asked, poking Xander in the belly and making him giggle.
"I wouldn't have met your Mommy, probably, which means no Gracie, and no Xan."
"But you would have got to play baseball," Grace sighed.
"Baw!" Xander hooted, giving Luke's left ear a big tug.
"No comparison," Luke laughed. "I wouldn't trade you nutballs even for a shot at pitching in the Series."
"That's good," Grace smiled, fluffing her tutu. "I don't like baseball THAT much, anyway."
"I kind of figured," Luke winked at Grace.
"Hey, Luke?" Lorelai called from the kitchen, "Come look at the turkey and see what you think, will you?"
Luke stood up and plopped Xander in between Liz and Grace. "Duty calls," he grinned. "Entertain your brother until I get back," he said to Grace. "And don't let him fall off the couch."
"I'll be here with them, don't worry, bro," Liz said as Luke walked away.
"I meant don't YOU let him fall off the couch," Luke shot back over his shoulder.
Luke walked into the kitchen. "What's wrong with the turkey?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest.
"Nothing," Lorelai grinned, snaking her arms around Luke's waist. "Just wanted a minute alone with Dead-Eye Danes."
Luke grinned as he pulled Lorelai up against him. "Big fan of the jocks, are ya?"
"Oh, yes," Lorelai murmured, nipping playfully along Luke's jawline. "What big arms, you have, Dead-Eye," she giggled, running her hands up and down Luke's biceps.
"The better to squeeze you with, my dear," Luke rasped as he dipped his head to taste Lorelai's neck.
"Mmm," Lorelai sighed. "What soft lips you have, Dead-Eye."
"The better to kiss you with, my dear," Luke whispered, brushing Lorelai's lips with his own. Luke teased Lorelai's lower lip with his teeth, tugging playfully.
"And what strong teeth you have, Dead-Eye," Lorelai gasped right before Luke plunged his tongue deep into her mouth, massaging her tongue with his own.
Luke broke the kiss long enough to reply. "The better to nibble on your naughty bits with, my dear," he grinned, eyes twinkling as his lips returned to hers.
Luke guided Lorelai to the counter and leaned her against it, still kissing her, and slipping his hands under her shirt. Lorelai moaned quietly. "What big hands you have, Dead-Eye," she panted as Luke kneaded her breasts.
"The better to tease you with, my dear," Luke groaned as he ground his hardness into Lorelai's hip.
Lorelai drew Luke's earlobe into her mouth, sucking gently. Her hand slowly traveled down Luke's stomach, and she trailed her fingers down the front of Luke's suddenly tight jeans. "Oh, Dead-Eye, she moaned. "What a big..."
Luke jumped back from Lorelai, panting heavily. "Go," he wheezed. "Upstairs. I'll meet you in five minutes."
"What are you going to do?" Lorelai frowned.
Luke gulped. "I'll be up...as soon as I can walk," he mumbled.
Lorelai smiled wickedly as she started to sneak out of the kitchen. "I'll be waiting," she smiled seductively.
"Go, now," Luke pleaded, opening up the refrigerator for a blast of cool air.
"Oh, and one more thing, Dead-Eye," Lorelai teased.
"What's that?" Luke panted, eyeing Lorelai warily.
Lorelai approached Luke and grabbed his baseball cap off of his head. She waved it around and stuck it on her own head. "This is the ONLY thing I'm going to be wearing," she sang as she tiptoed out of the kitchen.
"Aw, Geez," Luke whimpered as Lorelai disappeared. He leaned his head on the freezer door, counted to fifty, poked his head out of the kitchen, waited until everyone was distracted, and bolted up the stairs to retrieve his baseball cap.
Chapter 11: What's New, Pussycat?
"Can we go to the Chat Club when we're done?" Grace pleaded as she and Luke walked down the sidewalk, Luke pushing Xander in a stroller.
"The Chat Club?" Luke asked.
"Yeah, I like kitties. Can we get Mommy a kitty for Valentine's Day?" Grace begged.
"No way," Luke grunted.
"Why not?" Grace prodded.
"We've already got a dog," Luke explained.
"So?" Grace pouted.
"So, Paul Anka is already enough of a pussy...cat. We don't need another pet," Luke said with finality.
"Please?" Grace pushed.
"No," Luke said firmly.
"But, please," Grace whined.
"I thought I just heard myself say no. I'm pretty sure I heard that, didn't you?" Luke said, a look of warning in his eyes as he gazed down at his daughter.
"But, Poppy, Xander wants a kitty too, right Xander?" Grace asked her brother hopefully.
"Merkz!" Xander yelled up from his position in the stroller.
"See?" Luke chuckled. "He wants a merkz, not a cat."
"Please, Poppy?" Grace pressed.
"Ask your mother, I'm sure she'll say the same thing," Luke said.
"But it won't be a surprise then," Grace explained.
"You want a cat for yourself, not Mommy, I may be a sucker for some of your tricks, but I wasn't born yesterday," Luke shot back.
"Mommy would really like a kitty. She told me if we had a kitty, we'd call it Miss Kitty Fantastico," Grace argued.
"Drop it, kid," Luke grunted as they crossed the street. "We're not getting a cat right now."
"Then what ARE we getting Mommy for Valentine's Day?" Grace sighed in defeat.
"Flowers and candy and stuff, I guess," Luke explained as they approached the flower shop.
"Boooring," Grace sang.
"It's Valentine's Day, Mommy likes the boring stuff, for some reason," Luke shrugged.
"Guess we'll get dumb old flowers then," Grace huffed.
"Good, so let's get in here and pick out some dumb old flowers," Luke sighed, shaking his head at the stubborn little girl pouting her way into the flower shop ahead of him.
"Puddy!" Xander bellowed as Luke and Grace inspected the assortment of holiday bouquets.
"Very pretty," Luke agreed. "See anything good, G?"
"Red roses are boring," Grace said, wrinkling her nose and digging through the display for a better color scheme. "Mommy likes pink roses. And daisies," she muttered as she yanked out a bundle of pale pink roses.
"Puddy, puddy!" Xander cried, lurching toward the flowers in Grace's hands.
Grace tilted the bouquet toward Xander. "They smell nice. Sniff 'em, Xan."
Xander buried his face in the flowers and snorted air out through his nose.
"She said sniff them, not snot on them," Luke muttered, rolling his eyes.
"Gross!" Grace yelled, pulling the flowers away from the boy. Xander suddenly sneezed so violently that he tumbled back into his stroller.
"Good grief," Luke groaned, pulling a tissue out of his pocket and wiping Xander's nose as the boy let out another series of wet sneezes. Luke tried to avoid the spray, but he was too slow.
"Yuck," Luke grimaced, holding his hand out in disgust. "Grab me a wet wipe, will you, monkey?" he asked as Grace rooted in the diaper bag, producing the box of wipes.
"Yuck," Xander said somberly.
"Add roses to the ever-expanding list of things you're allergic to, kiddo," Luke said as he cleaned off his hand.
"Poppy!" Grace squealed, running over to Luke. "Look what I found. Glitter daisies! Can I get Mommy glitter daisies?" she begged, showing Luke a bundle of yellow daisies coated in sparkling silver glitter dust.
"Yeah," Luke smiled. "Right up your mom's alley. Here, want to pay for these yourself?" he asked, handing Grace a handful of money.
"Can I keep the rest?" Grace asked slyly.
"Doubtful," Luke grinned. "Good try, though."
"Fine," Grace sighed, marching over to the counter and standing on her tiptoes as she paid for the flowers. She returned to Luke, handing him the flowers and change.
"Pleasure doing business with you," Luke said as Xander erupted into another round of violent sneezes.
"Oh!" the boy wheezed, flopping back in his stroller again in exhaustion from the assault on his nose.
Let's get out of here before Xan's nasal passages collapse on themselves," Luke muttered, pulling the stroller back out onto the sidewalk. "Where to next?"
"Candy at Taylor's," Grace chirped as the trio aimed for Taylor's Old Fashioned Ice Cream Shoppe.
"Hello, Lucas," Taylor smiled suspiciously as the threesome entered his shop. "How can I help you on this fine afternoon?"
"We need Valentine's candy for Mommy, Mr. Doose," Grace explained as she peered into a barrel of jawbreaker candies.
"Well, young lady, we have a fine assortment of imported chocolates for the occasion," Taylor said in a businesslike tone. "Are you interested in purchasing the traditional heart shaped box, or would you like to pick one of our lovely velour wrapped..."
"This is Lorelai we're talking about, Taylor," Luke interjected, looking at Taylor wearily.
"Fine," Taylor sighed, rolling his eyes. "Fill a bag, and don't let the little tykes finger up the merchandise."
"Go to it," Luke declared to Grace, opening up a bag as they both began to pick out Lorelai's favorite candies.
"Blowpops!" Grace squealed, grabbing a handful and stuffing them into the bag.
"Cherry or grape Ring Pops?" Luke muttered as they split up to shop.
"Both," Grace said from the other side of the store. Luke pulled a few of each flavor out of the barrel and plopped them in the bag.
"Pixie Sticks," Grace cried.
"Milk Duds," Luke called out.
"Cow Tails," Grace hollered back.
"Muk!" Xander yelped, trying in vain to grab a bag of licorice as Luke pushed the stroller through the shop.
"Got some Pop Rocks," Luke grinned.
"Sour Patch Kids!" Grace shouted, bringing her armload of candy to Luke. Luke opened the bag as wide as he could while Grace leaned over and allowed her finds to fall in. Grace and Luke scoured the shop, grabbing every piece of candy that shouted 'Lorelai' to them. The bag was brimming when they finally finished. Luke gave in and bought Grace a bag of Gummi Bears, and Xander a packet of heart shaped Peeps. Luke paid for the candy and guided the children to the town square, sitting on the steps of the gazebo with Grace to take inventory of their loot.
"Okay, let's see what we have," Luke muttered. "Flowers..."
"Check," Grace said, straightening the cellophane on the bouquets of roses and daisies.
"Candy..."
"Check."
"Cards..."
"Check."
"Hello Kitty gift bags for the loot."
"Check."
"Tissue paper..."
"Check."
"Grown up gift from the Daddy..."
"Check. Can I see the grown up gift?" Grace asked.
Luke pulled a long velvet covered box from his inner coat pocket and opened it for Grace.
"Wow," she gasped. "It's even prettier than my snowflake," she said, fingering the necklace. The chain was a delicate length of gold, four tiny gold stars linked together, with a different colored jewel in the center of each.
"What are those for?" Grace asked.
"There's a star for each of you crazy kids," Luke explained. "That star is for Rory, that one is for April, that one is for you, and that one is for Xander. Those are your birthstones."
"Pretty," Grace whispered.
"You think your Mommy will like it?" Luke asked uncertainly.
"Yeah," Grace nodded in approval. "More than the candy, I bet."
"Good," Luke laughed. "Then I guess we are all prepared for Valentine's Day dinner tonight, aren't we?"
"All set," Grace agreed. "Xander's making a mess again."
Luke looked at Xander, who had red Peep sugar and marshmallow stuck all over his face, and was methodically squeezing another Peep into his mittens. "Oops," Luke groaned. "We should have been keeping an eye on that situation. I think his hands are fused together." Luke reached in to the stroller and tried to pry Xander's hands apart.
"Uhhh...I think we're going to have to buy new mittens. I think these are toast," he sighed as Grace giggled at the baby's predicament.
"Oof," Xander said, emphasizing his dilemma.
"Oof is right," Luke smiled as he tried to pick marshmallow goo off of Xander's gloves.
"If I didn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it," a woman's voice said cheerfully.
Luke looked up and gulped. "Rachel?" he asked. Grace narrowed her eyes and stared at the strange woman standing before them.
"Hi Luke," she smiled nervously. "How've you been?"
"Uh, um...well, good, I've been good," Luke stammered. "What are you doing here?"
"Just passing through," Rachel smiled. "Figured I'd swing by Stars Hollow, stop in and say hi to some of the old gang before I caught my flight tonight. I haven't heard from you in so long, and the rumor mill was absolutely churning about your big life changes, so I figured I'd have to see it for myself."
Luke laughed nervously. "Yeah, well, um...I've been pretty busy these last few years, guess I should have dropped you a line."
"Looks like you've been more than a little busy, my friend." Rachel laughed, sitting down beside Luke. "So, introduce me to this motley crew."
"Oh, yeah, um...this is my daughter, Gracie, Grace, this is Rachel," Luke said, putting his arm around Grace's shoulder.
Grace stared at Rachel, not very kindly.
"Nice to meet you, Grace," Rachel grinned. "You have very pretty eyes."
"Just like my Mommy," Grace said, jutting her chin out. "Her name is Lorelai Victoria Danes. She has brown hair, and blue eyes, and she's the prettiest girl in the world," Grace stated tersely, silently daring Rachel to contradict her.
"And you look just like your Mommy," Rachel nodded. "You're a lucky girl."
"Down, Cujo," Luke muttered nervously to Grace. "Um, yeah, and this sticky mess here is Xander."
"Aw, hiya, Xander," Rachel laughed, picking some marshmallow goo off the tip of Xander's nose. "And you're definitely the spitting image of your old dad."
"Toot, toot," Xander replied.
"Well, allrighty, then," Rachel laughed. "Wow, Luke, look at you, Mister Head of Household. I gotta say, I'm kind of blown away, here."
Luke shrugged. "Not the first guy in the world to settle down and crank out some kids," he said shyly. "Did the rumor mill mention April, my first kid?"
"The Anna Nardini surprise of the century? Yeah, she was mentioned," Rachel laughed. "Talk about a soap opera. Do you want to know something weird?
"What?" Luke asked.
"I ran into her in Hartford years ago," Rachel said. "We were on one of our breaks, and I was in the area, but too chicken to actually come back to town because I wasn't up to seeing you yet. She had this little girl with her, and Anna was really twitchy, and wasn't interested in catching up on Stars Hollow gossip, or anything else, for that matter. I thought it was kind of weird, but I figured it was the old 'we've dated the same person' kind of twitchiness, and that kid looked so familiar, but I didn't think anything of it. And then when Amy and Jen mentioned that you had a teenage daughter show up on your doorstep, and Anna was the mother, I nearly choked. I met April when she was a baby," Rachel exclaimed.
"Geez," Luke groaned. "Unbelievable. You met my kid before I did. That makes me happy."
"I didn't mean to upset you," Rachel said. "Great. All I wanted to do was see you for a few minutes, and I've grumped you out. Way to go, Rach."
"No, I'm not upset, sorry, I still get a little, um, perturbed when I think of the way things...went," Luke muttered, editing himself since Grace was hovering nearby, shooting icy glares at Rachel.
"Understandable," Rachel nodded. "And I think completely unfair and uncool, for the record. So anyway, Luke, you're MARRIED. Again."
"Dammit," Luke muttered.
"What?" Rachel giggled.
"The rumor mill didn't forget about Nicole yet, huh?" Luke sighed.
"Nope, but hey, how could they? Eloping on a cruise? Not typical Luke Danes behavior." Rachel pointed out.
"Hey, Poppy," Grace interrupted grumpily. "Xander fell asleep and he needs new mittens," she reminded Luke.
"Just a sec, baby girl," Luke said, cringing at the look on Grace's face.
"Poppy?" Rachel murmured, trying not to laugh.
"Don't ask," Luke groaned.
Grace wandered a few feet away, pretending to skip, but keeping a wary eye on Rachel and Luke.
Rachel followed Luke's eyes as he watched Grace warily himself. "She doesn't like me very much," Rachel noted.
"You're encroaching on her Mommy's territory. Gracie can be a bit of a pit bull, sometimes," Luke sighed.
"Hmm, so she's as much her father's daughter as she is her mother's," Rachel smirked.
"Yeah, something like that," Luke grinned. "It's good to see you, Rach. I wanted to write, but..."
"I understand," Rachel nodded. "I don't really have a place in your life anymore. I get it. I hate it, but I get it."
Luke pulled Xander's blanket up closer to his face, making sure the boy wasn't cold, even though it was a pretty mild day for February. "I'm kind of focused on the homefront," Luke explained.
"Guess I couldn't convince you to drop me an email every once in a while, huh?" Rachel sighed.
"Sorry," Luke admitted. "It's just...I finally got things right with Lorelai, and it wasn't easy. We almost didn't make it. Mostly because of my idiocy, but some of hers as well. I just...I can't do anything to wreck it. Even though I'm where I want to be, and it would be completely innocent, I'm not going to...I can't do it...I can't pal around with my ex-girlfriend. I'd go insane if she did it, I can't do it to her. I mean, if you're in town, I'd love to see you, I'm not going to run away from you, and I do like to catch up with you, but I can't..."
"It's okay," Rachel smiled. "I understand. Don't get so worked up. Geez, Luke. This...these kids...just, wow," she muttered. "Boy, do I really know how to make stupid choices, or what? I'm jealous. I'm jealous of Lorelai, I'm jealous of you, I'm just so jealous. Here I am all these years later, and I have my camera and a pocket full of film. You have a life. A family. And I walked away one too many times, and you did everything I really did want with you, with someone else. God, I'm an idiot. I'm jealous. But I'm happy for you. I'm so deliriously happy for you, and I just wanted you to know that I'm glad you got to do all this. I'm glad you didn't wait for me, because you deserve all of this, Luke," she sighed.
"Thanks," Luke whispered.
"You're happy?" Rachel asked.
"No words," Luke grinned. "There are just no words for it."
"Good," Rachel smiled, patting Luke on the knee. "That's all I wanted to hear."
"I'm happy," Luke smiled. "You'll get to do all this too, when you're ready for it, Rach."
"I hope so," she chuckled. "My bar is raised really high right now." Rachel stood up. "Guess it's time for me to hit the road. Again."
Luke stood up also. "The Anywhere-But-Here Girl strikes again," he said, giving Rachel a warm hug. "It was good to see you again, Rach."
"It was good to see you too, Luke," Rachel smiled, her eyes filling with tears. She touched Luke's face. "Damn, I'm an idiot," she laughed and turned and walked away quickly.
Luke watched Rachel walk away, and heaved a huge sigh. He peeked in the stroller at Xander. "Hey, Gracie, let's roll out before the kid turns into an ice cube," Luke called.
Grace walked back to Luke. "Is that girl gone now?" she asked crossly.
"She's gone," Luke nodded.
"I don't like her," Grace pouted. "Who is she?"
"Just an old friend," Luke smiled.
Luke and Grace walked silently for a while, as Xander dozed peacefully in the stroller.
"Do you think she's as pretty as Mommy?" Grace asked finally.
"She's a very pretty girl," Luke admitted. "But, your Mommy, she's something else."
"Like what?" Grace prodded.
"Your Mommy, she's the most beautiful woman in the whole world," Luke stated emphatically. "Maybe even in the whole universe."
"How come?" Grace asked.
"How come?" Luke mused, stopping and bending over Grace. "Because, she gave me you," he grinned, poking Grace softly in the nose with his index finger. "And she gave me Xander. That makes her number one in my book, you understand?"
"Yeah," Grace giggled. "And you should give her a kitty for that."
"You're such a con-artist," Luke laughed as they walked toward their front yard. "Just do me one little favor?"
"What?" Grace asked, climbing the porch steps.
"Just let ME tell your Mommy about us running into Rachel today, okay? It'll make the evening go much smoother if she hears it from me," Luke pleaded.
Grace smiled evilly at Luke. "Will you let me get a kitty?"
"Don't try to blackmail me," Luke growled. "Besides, Xander's probably allergic to cats. He's probably allergic to glass. This kid sneezes at everything. I'm surprised he isn't allergic to Paul Anka. But maybe, someday, a long time down the road, we could possibly have a discussion about the very unlikely potential of having a cat around the house. Someday," Luke said.
"Got it," Grace nodded.
"I'm still leaning towards 'no'," Luke warned Grace.
"Okay," Grace nodded somberly.
"You may end up with a stuffed animal named Miss Kitty Fantastico," Luke said.
"Only if she's purple," Grace negotiated wisely.
"Good," Luke nodded as they entered the house. "As long as we're clear on the definition of 'no'.
Chapter 12: Do You Love Me? Check Yes Or No
Lorelai plopped onto her side of the bed and sighed sadly and dramatically.
"Oh, now what?" Luke grumped, pulling the blankets up to his waist.
"Nothing," Lorelai replied, sighing more deeply.
"Stop it," Luke grumbled.
"Stop what?" Lorelai asked innocently.
"Stop trying to guilt trip me," Luke replied. "I didn't do anything wrong, and I told you about Rachel as soon as you got home."
"You were afraid Gracie was going to rat you out," Lorelai snorted.
"I KNEW Gracie would rat me out," Luke sighed. "The kid tried to blackmail me into getting her a kitty in exchange for her silence."
"I trained her well," Lorelai chuckled.
"You did," Luke smiled. "You should have seen her, if looks could kill, Rachel would have been nothing but a scorch mark on the steps of the gazebo."
"Smart kid," Lorelai said. "She knows exactly where you belong, and it's definitely not at Rachel's side."
"I know exactly where I belong, too," Luke said. "Believe me, you're the only one I want at my side."
"I know, Babe," Lorelai smiled. "I have to say, I'm enjoying the fact that I had a second-hand 'neener-neener' moment, knowing that one of those mean girls who broke your heart is feeling the sting of having let you slip through their fingers right into my lap. That's really mean of me, isn't it?"
"Yes," Luke agreed. "But I'm glad I still inspire 'neener-neener' feelings in you."
"Oh, you do," Lorelai assured Luke. "I'm going to get a shirt that says, 'Back Off Bitch, He's Mine!'."
"I'd like to see that," Luke laughed.
Lorelai rolled onto her side and dragged her finger up Luke's forearm. "Thank you for my necklace, Luke. It's so gorgeous. And I'm so glad you included Rory and April. I love that you thought to give me a reminder that we're all one big family."
"I love Rory just as much as I love April and Gracie and Xander," Luke murmured, rolling toward Lorelai.
"And I love April just as much as I love Rory and Gracie and Xander," Lorelai said.
"And thank you for my Valentine's Day hacksaw," Luke laughed. "Even though I refuse to leave the heart shaped puffy stickers on the handle."
"Aw, come on," Lorelai pleaded. "I felt bad buying you tools for Valentine's Day."
"I'm a guy," Luke grunted. "I have no use for Valentine's Day, unless I'm exploiting it to add to my tool collection."
"Oh!" Lorelai gasped, sitting up in the bed.
"What's wrong?" Luke asked with a frown.
"I almost forgot, I got you something else," Lorelai smiled. "Be right back," she said as she ran into the bathroom.
"What, you have to pee before you get my gift?" Luke asked as she shut the bathroom door. He picked up the newspaper on his nightstand and began to scan the Sports section.
Lorelai emerged from the bathroom a couple of minutes later, and quietly approached the bed. She pulled the newspaper out of Luke's hands. "Like your Valentine's Day present?" she asked.
Luke looked up and gulped. Lorelai was wearing a very sheer black negligee. She fingered a flimsy lace strap with one hand, and with the other hand, played with the hem of the negligee, which barely brushed her upper thighs. A delicate blush colored ribbon laced up the front, the bow tied between Lorelai's breasts.
"Luke?" Lorelai grinned. "Cat got your tongue?"
"Uh-huh," Luke breathed, sitting upright on the edge of the bed.
"Want to unwrap your present?" Lorelai murmured.
"Uh-huh," Luke repeated, grasping Lorelai by the waist and pulling her close. He slowly explored Lorelai's body with his hands, groaning at the sensation of the warmth of her skin radiating through the soft fabric. He gently squeezed Lorelai's ass and began moving his hands up her back, massaging her along the way with his thumbs.
"Mmm," Lorelai smiled, closing her eyes as Luke traced a path across her body. He returned his hands to her waist and allowed them to wander upward. Lorelai gave him room to explore by placing her hands on Luke's shoulders.
Lorelai shivered as she felt Luke's thumbs brush the sides of her breasts. He circled his thumbs briefly, smiling as he watched Lorelai bite her bottom lip, then worked his way down to her waist again. Luke moved his hands inward, softly caressing the slightly rounded area below her belly button.
"Not such a flat belly anymore, huh?" Lorelai whispered, opening her eyes.
Luke stared up at Lorelai, his eyes turning a smoky grey as his arousal grew. "Beautiful," he whispered back hoarsely. "So feminine, so soft. I love your belly. It was my babies' home. I love it." Luke placed several soft kisses on her abdomen to emphasize his point.
"Oh, man," Lorelai said softly. "You're good. You're really good," she grinned as she bent down, softly brushing Luke's lips with her own. "Love those lips," she murmured, moaning as she felt the tip of Luke's tongue drift across her lower lip. Lorelai deepened the kiss, allowing Luke to explore her mouth with his tongue. She felt Luke's hands drift upward, grazing the underside of her breasts, and she moaned more deeply at the warm flush that enveloped her at his touch.
"Door locked?" Luke muttered as he nibbled on Lorelai's lower lip.
"Huh?" Lorelai murmured as she chased Luke's tongue with her own.
"Door," Luke whispered, nipping at Lorelai's chin. "Audience potential."
"Oh," Lorelai gasped, standing up straight. "Hold that thought," she grinned as she ran to the door and turned the lock. She ran back to Luke, reached over and turned the baby monitor volume up, smoothed her negligee and put her hands back on Luke's shoulders. "Now where were we?" she laughed.
"Right about here," Luke sighed, pulling Lorelai close again. He blew gently on the flimsy fabric covering Lorelai's breasts, grinning as she squirmed in appreciation. Luke tilted his head up and gently nipped at one nipple, then the next, pulling back to watch as they hardened in response.
"More," Lorelai pleaded, pulling Luke's head to her breast again. Luke slowly drew Lorelai's nipple into his mouth, suckling gently through the sheerness of her negligee. Lorelai gasped at the dueling sensations of Luke's tongue and the wet fabric sliding across her erect nipple. "Don't forget over here," Lorelai panted, guiding Luke's head to her right breast.
Luke chuckled as he drew on her right nipple, sucking and teasing the tip with his tongue. "You're getting very demanding," he murmured, amused.
"I know what I want, and damn it, I'm going to get it," Lorelai giggled.
"What do you want?" Luke asked, kissing the soft skin between Lorelai's breasts.
"You," Lorelai whispered. "I always want you."
"You've got me," Luke rasped, sliding his hand slowly in between Lorelai thighs. "Any time you want me."
"Oh," Lorelai gasped as Luke's fingers grazed her wetness. "All the time. Want you all the time." She swallowed hard as Luke's finger began to slowly, steadily massage her clit.
"How much do you want me?" Luke asked huskily, sliding a finger inside Lorelai.
"Oh, boy," Lorelai whispered shakily as Luke began to rhythmically slide his finger in and out, teasing her clit with his thumb at the same time. "So much. Want you so much, baby. Need you so much," she moaned as she felt her arousal begin to overtake her.
"Do you want this, Lorelai?" Luke growled, inserting a second finger and thrusting harder.
"Yes," Lorelai hissed, her hips thrusting against Luke's hand.
"How about this?" Luke asked, moving his head toward his busy hand. "Do you want this?" he whispered as he teased her clit with the tip of his tongue, still thrusting inside of her with his fingers.
"God, yes," Lorelai whimpered, breathing heavily as she neared climax. "Please, I want it."
"Want what?" Luke growled, stopping.
"No," Lorelai cried softly at Luke's stillness.
"Want what, Lorelai?" Luke asked again.
"Want you to taste me. Want you to make me come with your tongue, your fingers," she pleaded. Luke slid to his knees and resumed thrusting into Lorelai with his fingers, faster now. With his free hand, Luke pulled Lorelai tight against him. Luke pressed his mouth against Lorelai's wet folds, moaning as her taste flooded his mouth. He began urgently sucking on Lorelai's clit, moaning louder as Lorelai grasped the back of his head, pressing him against her as he plunged his fingers inside her again and again.
"Luke, oh god, Luke," Lorelai moaned. Luke responded by massaging Lorelai's clit with the flat of his tongue in time to the rhythm of his thrusting fingers, and Lorelai felt the first waves of her orgasm begin to radiate throughout her body. "Jesus," she cried, "Oh, god, I'm coming, Luke, I'm going to come..." Luke began to suck fervently on Lorelai's clit, driving his fingers as deep inside of her as he could, as rapidly as he could, moaning loudly as Lorelai clutched his hair in her hands as she came hard, her inner walls clenching and spasming around Luke's fingers.
"Luke," Lorelai gasped as she rode out the waves of pleasure that tore through her. "Oh Luke, Luke, Luke," she chanted desperately, her body shaking involuntarily. Luke slowed his pace as he felt the spasms within Lorelai slowly diminish, allowing a few gentle final thrusts with his fingers before withdrawing them from her completely. Lorelai opened her eyes and looked down at Luke, blinking rapidly to try and focus on his face. Luke smiled up at her, still on his knees, and placed a soft kiss on the soft curls that framed her folds. Lorelai moaned as Luke inserted the fingers he had just used on her into his mouth, slowly sucking her wetness off of them, never breaking eye contact with her.
"Need to lay down?" Luke smirked as Lorelai swayed slightly before him.
"Mmmhmm," Lorelai replied, crawling into the bed and beckoning for Luke to follow her. "Let me...just lay here...just for a second," Lorelai gasped.
"Take your time," Luke smiled. "But I still haven't unwrapped my present yet."
"Do you really like my belly?" Lorelai giggled, holding her hand over her abdomen.
"I love your belly," Luke said sincerely, moving Lorelai's hand away. "I love all the changes to your body since you had the kids."
"Even the stretch marks?" Lorelai grimaced.
"How can I notice stretch marks, when you have all this happening?" Luke asked, leering pleasantly at Lorelai as she lounged on her back, the sheer fabric of her negligee draping softly around her.
"What exactly is happening here?" Lorelai asked.
"You were beautiful before the babies," Luke explained, laying on his side next to Lorelai. "But now, Christ, you're absolutely mind-blowing."
"How so?" Lorelai giggled.
"I've already told you, I love your belly. It's just so sexy, that little bit of curve you have there, and your waist, you've developed this great curve that drives me crazy, especially when you put those hip hugger jeans on. And don't get me started on your breasts. They're a little fuller, a little rounder, and I love that tear drop shape you have now."
"So you're not a big fan of perky, gravity defying breasts?" Lorelai snarked.
"You're still perky, dumbass," Luke groaned, "You just have this softness now, all over. Not squishiness, softness. Maybe it's just me. It just seems like...I don't know...maybe it's because I've watched you give birth twice now, and that blows my mind, and I have this whole different way of looking at you. You're just so amazingly feminine to me. Your body amazes me."
"Is my body a wonderland?" Lorelai laughed.
"Shut up," Luke murmured, rolling over to hover over Lorelai. "Now this," he grinned as he dipped his head to trail kisses along Lorelai's neck. "This is absolutely my favorite way of looking at you. No wait," Luke murmured as he untied the bow on Lorelai's negligee and began to pull the ribbon out of the tiny holes they were threaded through. He finally worked the ribbon free and spread the negligee away from Lorelai's body. "That's better," he smiled. "THIS is my favorite way of looking at you."
"Is it?" Lorelai sighed as Luke began to move his mouth down her neck, over her clavicle and between her breasts.
"It is," Luke replied softly, finding Lorelai's breast with his mouth again.
"Then this is where I want to be," Lorelai smiled, running her fingers through Luke's hair as he began to to kiss, lick and suck first one breast, then the other. "Mmmm," she moaned as she felt Luke's erection pressing into her hip. "Definitely where I want to be."
"I want out of these pj's," Luke groaned.
"Let me help you with that, Mr. Danes," Lorelai laughed as she guided the waist of Luke's flannel sleep pants over his hips and pushed them down to his thighs. Luke froze as she gently grasped his hardness and stroked him.
"Oh, boy," Luke muttered as he squirmed the rest of the way out of the pajama bottoms, kicking them onto the floor beside the bed. Luke returned his attention to Lorelai, kissing her passionately as she gently teased his shaft with the tips of her fingers.
"What inspired this?" Lorelai whispered as she rubbed herself against Luke.
"That right there is some pretty good inspiration," Luke gasped, as he drew Lorelai's earlobe into his mouth, sucking greedily.
"What do YOU want, Mr. Danes?" Lorelai whispered huskily, dragging her nails up Luke's back.
"You," Luke gasped, rubbing himself against Lorelai's wetness. "God, I want you."
"What do you want to do to me, Luke?" Lorelai whispered as she lifted her hips and rubbed against Luke, slicking his shaft with her wetness.
"Inside you, want to be inside you," Luke panted, grinding down into her folds.
"And what do you want to do there?" Lorelai prodded, kissing Luke's stubbly jaw line.
"Want to fuck you," Luke groaned. "Want to fuck you until you scream."
"Then do it," Lorelai panted. "Make me scream, Luke."
Luke pushed Lorelai's legs apart and thrust into her. "Oh, crap," Luke grunted, feeling Lorelai's inner walls clamp around his cock, hot and slick. Luke began to thrust insistently. "Crap, you're so hot, so wet," he moaned as he rhythmically plunged in and out.
"Luke, god, Luke, you're so hard," Lorelai gasped, thrusting her hips upward to meet Luke's pace. Luke began to alternate between thrusting and swiveling his hips, changing the manner in which he penetrated her with each plunge. Lorelai immediately began to lose herself in the rapid rise of her excitement with Luke's ever changing movements.
"Oh, Luke," she whimpered, arching into Luke as he continued his fevered lovemaking. "Luke, make me come again."
"That's the plan, Stan," Luke grunted and chuckled distractedly.
"Stop that," Lorelai gasped, slapping Luke in the arm.
"Sorry," Luke whispered and thrust deeply into Lorelai as a show of apology.
Lorelai sucked her breath in sharply. "S'ok," she muttered, feeling her inner muscles clamp uncontrollably around Luke's throbbing cock.
"Oh, Jesus," Luke cried out at the sensation and he lowered his head as he began to increase his pace. "Lorelai," he groaned warningly.
"I'm there," Lorelai gasped, thrusting her hips up wildly in response. "Almost there," she cried as she felt the first hints of her climax begin to grow. Lorelai wrapped her legs around Luke's waist, and Luke lowered himself onto his elbow, burying his face into Lorelai's curls as he pounded into her.
"Lorelai," Luke panted, trying to contain himself. Lorelai writhed beneath Luke, her climax suddenly wracking her body with the change in position.
"Luke," Lorelai cried. "Oh, god, Luke, god, I'm....oh, god!" Lorelai wailed, burying her face in Luke's neck as she tried to muffle her screams of ecstasy.
"Shit," Luke cried. "Oh, my god, Lorelai," He growled as he felt the force of his own orgasm overtake him at the same time. Luke thrust into Lorelai, hard and fast, as he felt her spasms grip and release his shaft, driving him into oblivion as he came, exploding inside of Lorelai. "Jesus," Luke rasped as he thrust uncontrollably a few more times, and collapsed on top of Lorelai.
Lorelai wrapped her arms around Luke, stroking his back as he tried to regain his composure. "You okay there, Babe?" she muttered, still breathing heavily.
Luke nodded and rolled off of Lorelai. "Okay," he whispered shakily, gasping for air.
"That," Lorelai grinned sleepily, "Was pretty damn good."
Luke nodded again, still not quite able to access the speech center of his brain. "Uh-huh."
Lorelai rolled toward Luke, laying her head on his shoulder as Luke stretched his arm out around her. "That could have been a baby-maker for sure," she giggled.
"It ought to be," Luke sighed. "I think I blew out an eardrum."
"I even made you drop the f-bomb," she teased in triumph.
"Desperate measures," Luke grinned. "It's not like I don't cuss."
"No, you just tend to have to be really riled up to utter that particular word," Lorelai noted.
"Believe me, I was riled up," Luke chuckled.
"I noticed," Lorelai said with a yawn.
Luke pulled his arm away from Lorelai and sat up, dragging his pajama bottoms toward him with his foot.
"No, where are you going? Don't take the warm body away," Lorelai moaned, grabbing for a blanket.
"Checking on the troops before we fall asleep, make sure we didn't wake them up and scar them for life with all the making sex," Luke sighed as he stood up and pulled on his pants. "We really can't afford therapists for them."
"That's why we spoil them with things like kitty cats," Lorelai said, stretching leisurely.
"Yeah, right," Luke laughed as he headed for the bedroom door. Luke paused and turned around, arching an eyebrow at Lorelai. "We're not getting her a cat," he growled.
"Oh, come on, Luke, a cat would be nice," Lorelai pleaded.
"What about Xander?" Luke asked.
"What about him?" Lorelai asked, sitting up and searching the room for potential pajama substitutes.
"He's allergic to WATER practically," Luke pointed out. "How are we supposed to get a cat, when odds are pretty good, that cat will send him to the hospital?"
"Well, we could take him to a shelter, play with the cat that we pick out, and see if he reacts to it," Lorelai said.
"And fling a Benadryl at his head at the first sneeze?" Luke snarked.
"Something like that," Lorelai giggled, reaching for one of Luke's flannel shirts hanging nearby on a chair.
"This isn't fair," Luke complained. "You're ambushing me because I just got laid. You seem to think you can wheedle anything out of me if you've just had sex with me in the previous ten minutes. I feel used, and a little dirty."
"Sweetie, if I didn't use that tactic, I would have never had Grace," Lorelai giggled. "You wouldn't agree to a baby until I caught you off-guard, post orgasm."
"Not true," Luke mumbled.
"That's how I planted the idea of a cappuccino maker in your head, too," Lorelai crowed. "I gave you some mind-blowing oral, and a cappuccino maker magically appeared underneath the Christmas tree."
"Harpy," Luke spat, his eyes betraying his amusement at the exchange.
"Sucker," Lorelai shot back. "Oh, Luke, look at my boobies, and, by the way, can I buy a pair of Jimmy Choo's?"
"Stop it, you...you, trollop," Luke snorted, laughing. "I'm never having sex with you again."
"Yeah, I'm going to lose a lot of sleep tonight over that threat," Lorelai giggled. "Go check on the babies, I'm going to do some post-nookie clean up. Meet you back in bed in five?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Luke sighed, unlocking the bedroom door as Lorelai walked toward the bathroom.
"Hey, Lorelai?" Luke called after her.
"Yeah, Babe?" Lorelai asked, stopping in the doorway to the bathroom.
"Really liked my Valentine's Day present," Luke grinned.
"I'm glad," Lorelai smiled. "Just wait until you see what I get you for St. Patrick's Day."
Chapter 13: Heaven Isn't Too Far Away
Lorelai unlocked the front door, clinging to Xander while trying not to drop her bag of groceries. Lorelai fumbled with the doorknob and finally succeeding in turning it. She pushed the door open and Grace skipped past her into the house. Lorelai leaned up against the house, boosted Xander up higher on her waist by lifting her leg, stuck her keychain in her teeth, and switched the grocery bag into the other hand before following Grace inside.
"Hey Poppy!" Grace sang, skipping up to the couch where Luke sat.
"Dadadadadada!" Xander cheered, waving maniacally at Luke as Lorelai entered the living room. She looked around, brow furrowed. The lamp on the desk was lit, but no other lights were on in the house, and Luke was facing the television, even though it was off.
"Poppy?" Grace repeated, leaning on the arm of the couch and staring quizzically as Luke still didn't respond.
Lorelai walked up behind Grace, looking at Luke. "Luke?" she asked, "What's going on? Why are you sitting in the dark?"
Luke didn't respond. Lorelai felt her heartbeat quicken as she sat Xander down on the ground. "Put this in the kitchen, please, Gracie," Lorelai murmured, staring at Luke in concern.
"But..." Grace began, looking at Luke uncertainly.
"No buts, just go," Lorelai whispered tersely as she handed Grace the grocery bag. She stood in front of Luke, who remained silent. Lorelai fell to her knees before him.
"Luke, baby, talk to me," she whispered, as Luke sat, head down, staring at the open palms of his hands. Lorelai reached out and touched Luke's face. He slowly raised his head, and Lorelai swallowed a moan as she took note of the pained expression in his eyes. She thought the days of having to see that look in his eyes were long gone, but here it was again. His eyes were dark, stormy, and red-rimmed from tears.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Lorelai rasped, stroking Luke's cheek.
Luke stared at Lorelai, his chin trembling as he tried to fight back a fresh bout of tears. "Maizie," he whispered thinly, and closed his eyes.
"Oh my god," Lorelai gasped, and looked nervously at Grace, who hovered near the steps, staring at Luke wide-eyed and scared. "Gracie, baby, why don't you go upstairs and change out of your leotard, okay?" Lorelai suggested.
Grace stood her ground, still staring at Luke. Xander crawled around on the floor, playing with a toy car he had found, oblivious to the tension in the room.
"Grace," Lorelai pleaded. "Go change now," she said, more firmly. Grace ran up the stairs to comply with her orders.
Lorelai turned back to Luke, staring sorrowfully at him as he tried to maintain control of his emotions. "Is it bad?" Lorelai asked, knowing the answer to her own question.
Luke nodded slowly. "Her heart," he choked out. "She just...collapsed at work...Buddy...he couldn't..." Luke couldn't finish the sentence. He just shook his head and rubbed his eyes with his fists.
"Oh, baby," Lorelai whispered, tears stinging her eyes. Lorelai pulled Luke toward her and hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry, Luke, honey, I'm so goddamned sorry," she soothed as she pulled Luke's baseball hat off and began to stroke his hair as he buried his face in her neck. She could feel Luke trembling in her arms, and her stomach felt knotted up inside of her. "Do you need to go be with Buddy?" she whispered.
Luke pulled back a little, and shook his head. "He wants to be alone," he sighed, sniffling softly. "I'm going over tomorrow...to help out..with stuff," Luke shrugged miserably.
Grace tiptoed down the steps, and slowly approached Lorelai and Luke as they huddled together, talking in hushed tones to each other. She couldn't take her eyes off Luke's face. Grace had never seen her Poppy look so un-Poppy like before, and it scared her. His face was ashen, there was a tense, drawn expression she wasn't accustomed to seeing, and his eyes looked funny. She watched in morbid fascination as she slowly realized, as best as a four and half year old could, anyway, that this was what Luke looked like when he was really, really sad. Grace didn't like it. She had never seen real sadness on Luke's face before. She wanted to see Luke smile like he always did, to see his eyes as she was used to seeing them-a bright, twinkling blue, or at least to see him make that funny I'm-pretending-that-I'm grumpy-but-I'm-really-not look she always seemed to inspire in him. This grim, disheveled, unhappy man sitting on her couch was a complete stranger to Grace. She wanted him to go away and bring back her Poppy.
Lorelai looked up as she realized Grace was hovering nearby. "Hi, baby," she muttered, holding her arm out to Grace. Grace walked over and allowed Lorelai to put her arm around her, but she continued to stare silently at Luke. Luke didn't look up, even when Grace reached out and touched his knee uncertainly.
"Why's Poppy sad?" Grace whispered.
"Something sad has happened," Lorelai sighed, looking up at Luke for a sign on how to continue. Luke only stared at his hands, oblivious to everything around him.
"What?" Grace asked, resisting the urge to jam her thumb into her mouth. She suddenly wished she had thought to bring Bunbun downstairs with her. This kind of situation was exactly what Bunbun even existed for. Grace absentmindedly clutched at Lorelai's hair, and began nervously twirling a dark curl around her fist.
"Well," Lorelai began shakily. "It's Maizie, sweetie. Um...Maizie, she got sick today, and..." Lorelai tried to explain.
Luke suddenly shot up out of his seat. Lorelai and Grace both jumped in surprise as Luke began to pace around nervously.
Xander looked up at Luke. "Up, Da," he squealed, holding his arms up expectantly, wanting to join Luke at a higher elevation.
"Luke?" Lorelai whispered, moving from the floor to the couch, and pulling Grace up next to her.
"I can't," Luke rasped. "I can't do this."
"Luke, we have to..." Lorelai began.
"No," Luke practically shouted, causing Grace to jump again. "I can't, I have to...I have to go...I just have to go," he ranted, a panicked tone to his voice.
"Babe," Lorelai pleaded.
"Lorelai," Luke wailed, his voice cracking.
Lorelai nodded her head. "Go, Luke. Just go, take a walk. Go breathe. Just...don't drive or anything, right? Just go clear your head, we'll be here," she said, understanding.
"Poppy?" Grace whispered as Luke spun on his heels and fled out the front door without even responding to her. "Mommy?" Grace cried, unable to grasp what had just happened.
"It's okay, sweetie, Poppy has to go process," Lorelai explained. "He's going to get some fresh air and he'll be back soon."
Xander looked up at Lorelai, his lower lip pooching out. "Da go," he cried mournfully and began to sob.
"Oh, come here, baby boy," Lorelai sighed, picking up the crying boy and cradling him in her arms. "Daddy will be back."
"Why is Maizie sick?" Grace prodded, impatient to know why Luke was acting so crazy.
"Well, Maizie wasn't feeling well today," Lorelai said. "She got really, really sick, and something happened."
"What?" Grace asked, frustrated, raising her voice to be heard over Xander's wailing.
"Sweetie, Maizie died today," Lorelai said, tears escaping from her eyes. "Maizie went to heaven."
"Like Grandma and Grandpa Danes?" Grace asked, frowning deeply.
"Yeah, honey," Lorelai wept. "Maizie in heaven with Grandma and Grandpa Danes, and all the angels."
"When is she coming back?" Grace asked, her voice rising in alarm.
"She isn't, Gracie, when it's time to go to heaven, you stay there. You can't come back," Lorelai explained.
"But I don't want her to go!" Grace wailed, and she began to cry.
"I know, baby, neither do I," Lorelai said, pulling Grace close. "And your Poppy doesn't want her to go, either. That's why he's so sad. He really really loves Maizie, and he's going to miss her."
"I want to go to heaven, too," Grace howled. "I want to go say goodbye to Maizie."
"You can't go to heaven, Gracie, it's not time for you to go yet," Lorelai cried. "It's okay to miss Maizie, but she lived a long and happy life, and now she's in heaven, and she'll be okay. Just because we can't see her anymore, doesn't mean that she won't be okay, understand?"
"But I'm going to miss her," Grace sobbed.
"We're all going to miss her," Lorelai sniffled, trying to soothe both sobbing children. "We're going to be sad for a while, but life goes on. And we can talk to Maizie all the time, because I just know she will always be up there listening to us. She loved you guys an awful lot, and she will always be watching us, okay?"
"But it's not the same," Grace wept.
"No, it's not." Lorelai agreed. "But in heaven, everyone is happy and peaceful. We're sad down here, because we miss her and want to see her, but she's looking down on us and smiling because she can see US. And when it's time for us to go to heaven, after we've lived a long life, we get to go see all the people we've ever loved again, and then we can be happy together forever. It's sad for us now down here, but just think how wonderful it will be when we're all together again in heaven," Lorelai tried to explain.
"Want Maizie now," Grace moaned. "Don't want Poppy to be sad anymore."
"I know, sweetie, we just need to give Poppy time," Lorelai sighed. "Maizie was like a Mommy to your Poppy, and he's going to miss her really bad."
"Poppy's never sad. Don't like it," Grace muttered, calming down slowly.
"Well, I'll bet you wouldn't believe me, but Poppy knows a lot about being sad," Lorelai said. "But when you and Xander came along, Poppy couldn't find much to be sad about anymore. I like Happy Poppy, too. We just need to be patient with him, and Happy Poppy will be back soon, I promise," Lorelai swore.
"Did you ever see Poppy cry?" Grace asked.
"Yes, I have," Lorelai nodded.
"Did it scare you?" Grace asked.
"No, it didn't scare me," Lorelai mused. "It just made me want to make him happy. It took us a little time, but we figured out how to make each other happy, so Poppy didn't have to cry anymore. And neither did I. I can't really remember the last time I cried because I was sad," Lorelai continued. "And the last time I saw him cry, he was crying for the same reason I was."
"Why was that?" Grace asked curiously.
"We cried when you were born, and we cried when Xander was born," Lorelai pointed out. "We cried because we were so happy, and we loved you both so much, that laughing wasn't good enough."
"That's silly," Grace sighed.
"Maybe. You'll understand when you grow up and have your own babies," Lorelai smiled. "I think we've lost your brother," she noted. Xander had successfully cried himself to sleep in Lorelai's arms. "I'm going to put him to bed and I'll be right back. Are you feeling a little better?"
"A little," Grace whispered.
"Good, I'll be back," Lorelai smiled, kissing Grace and rising to her feet. Lorelai quietly carried Xander up the stairs.
Grace sat quietly on the couch, lost in thoughts of Maizie, and heaven, and Poppy crying. She jumped when she heard the front door open. Luke stood in the middle of the room, head down. He raised his eyes slowly, regarding Grace sheepishly.
"Hi Poppy," Grace whispered cautiously as Lorelai descended the stairs. Luke raised his hand slightly and waved at Grace.
"You okay?" Lorelai murmured, walking to Luke and caressing his face.
Luke nodded mutely, eyes downcast. Lorelai noted that the old habit of reverting to his impression of Marcel Marceau when faced with hurt was alive and kicking.
"Can I do anything for you?" Lorelai prodded. Luke sighed and shook his head slowly.
"Do you want anything to eat? Want some tea?" she asked.
Luke shook his head again, jamming his hands into his pockets.
"Why don't you go lay down? You should try to sleep, we'll have a long day tomorrow," Lorelai sighed, rubbing Luke's arm encouragingly.
Luke nodded slowly, and allowed Lorelai to give him a hug.
"Go on, baby, we'll be okay," Lorelai assured Luke as he glanced warily at Grace. "She's okay," Lorelai murmured.
Luke sighed and slowly climbed the stairs.
"Go on upstairs and get ready for bed," Lorelai whispered to Grace, giving her a hug. "I'm going to make some phone calls."
"Okay, Mommy," Grace said and went to put on her pajamas. Grace changed her clothes in her room and sat on her bed for few minutes, hugging Bunbun and staring sadly out the window. Her brain churned as she tried to wrap her mind around the fact that Maizie was gone, and her Poppy just wasn't acting like her Poppy anymore. Grace could only think of one solution to the problem at hand, which was how to make Luke feel better. She slid off her bed and tiptoed toward her parents' bedroom.
Grace peeked cautiously into their bedroom. The light on the nightstand was still on, but Luke was lying in bed, curled up on his side. Grace took another step into the room, and was startled to find Luke staring right at her. Grace cringed for a moment, expecting a scolding, but none came. Luke remained still, but offered Grace a very small, wan smile. Grace sighed in relief and walked toward the bed, waiting for a sign of disapproval from Luke. Grace leaned on Lorelai's side of the bed, regarding Luke silently.
"Hi Poppy," Grace whispered.
Luke stared at Grace for a moment, his eyes watery. "Hi," he finally whispered in a barely audible voice.
"I'm sorry you're sad," Grace sighed.
Luke blinked back tears, and swallowed hard, nodding at Grace.
Grace climbed into the bed and lay down next to Luke. "Here, Poppy," she whispered, handing Bunbun to Luke. "Hugging Bunbun helps."
Luke stared at Bunbun in confusion, but he slowly raised his hand and accepted his daughter's loan of her bunny. Luke pulled Bunbun close, and looked at Grace, his eyes softening a little as he realized that the little girl was trying to comfort him.
Grace scooted closer to Luke, and Luke moved his head so they lay close together. He took Grace's hand and kissed it softly in appreciation for her concern. Grace smiled and yawned, closing her eyes. Luke and Grace lay side by side, and both drifted silently off to sleep.
Lorelai snuck into the bedroom an hour later, stopping short when she saw Grace lying in the middle of the bed. A small smile played on her lips as she stood at the foot of the bed, regarding the sleeping pair. Luke and Grace were sleeping face to face on Luke's pillow, their foreheads touching. Grace was slurping on her one thumb, her other hand entwined with Luke's. Lorelai covered her mouth and grinned, tears springing up in her eyes as she saw that Luke was clutching Bunbun tightly to his chest with his other arm. Lorelai shook her head and got dressed for bed. She returned to the bed, kissing Luke's temple before she pulled the blankets up over the pair, and she crawled into her side of the bed.
Luke stirred and looked at Lorelai, eyes glazed over with sleepiness. Lorelai smiled at him and reached her arm across, embracing Grace and Luke gently. Luke smiled softly at Lorelai.
Lorelai looked at Bunbun, and back at Luke. "Some girl we've got here, huh?" she whispered.
Luke nodded and closed his eyes. "She's a keeper," he mumbled and fell back asleep.
Lorelai smiled and turned off the light. "Wouldn't trade her for the world," she replied softly and sank into her own pillow, closing her eyes. She fell asleep in minutes, comforted by the fact that Luke knew that his girls had his back.
Chapter 14: Enjoy Every Sandwich
Lorelai set a bag of food from Luke's Diner on the coffee table next to the stack of plates. "All right, ladies and germs, chow time," Lorelai grinned, sitting on the floor between Grace and Xander. They had made a pit-stop at Luke's on the way home from Sniffy's after Maizie's funeral and post-burial wake. Luke had driven separately in his truck to the gathering so he could stay behind to spend time with Buddy. Even though the bar at Sniffy's was overflowing with food, true to form, Grace and Xander and Lorelai were famished by the time they returned to town. Lorelai slid a plate of chicken fingers and french fries over to Grace. Lorelai had her usual cheeseburger with fries, and Xander began munching happily on his meal of a grilled cheese sandwich that Lorelai painstakingly shredded into tiny pieces for Xander to work with.
Grace stuffed a piece of chicken into her mouth. "When's Poppy coming home?" she asked in a muffled voice.
Lorelai ducked to avoid a spray of chewed chicken breading and covered Grace's mouth. "Want to say it without spraying it?" Lorelai grumbled.
Grace swallowed. "Sorry," she said sheepishly.
"It's okay," Lorelai laughed. "Um, I'm not sure when Poppy's coming home, he's going to help clean up at Sniffy's, and I'm sure he's going to want to spend some time alone with Buddy. He may be late coming home tonight."
"Oh," Grace muttered, playing with her french fries.
"Look at you, you old mother hen," Lorelai beamed. "You know what? I'm really proud of you for being such a big girl this week. You've been so good, trying to cheer your Poppy up, and helping take care of Xander so Poppy and I could try to make things easier for Buddy. And then today, you were so helpful at Sniffy's, keeping tabs on the napkins and paper cups and forks and spoons. I was really impressed with you."
"I like to help Poppy," Grace explained shyly.
"I know you do," Lorelai said. "And you're a lot like your Poppy, do you realize that? You're fixers, the both of you. You don't like to see things broken. At the first sign of damage, you're both running for the super glue."
"Huh?" Grace asked, confused.
"I was making an analogy. Or maybe just a comparison. Or is it a metaphor? I'll have to call Rory and check that one out," Lorelai said, shaking her head. "In either case, I meant that you and your Poppy, you don't like to see people sad. When you do, you both try really hard to make people feel better. It's a wonderful trait to have."
"Oh," Grace said. "Yeah, I don't like people sad."
"Me neither," Lorelai smiled.
Xander smacked the table with his hands. "More," he grunted, bouncing up and down on his butt.
"Hold your horses, bub," Lorelai laughed, tearing off some more pieces of the grilled cheese sandwich.
"Umm," Xander said in appreciation.
"Yummy sammich," Lorelai grinned.
"Ummy sam," Xander agreed.
"We're going to get you talking yet, bucko," Lorelai said, taking a bite of her cheeseburger.
Xander sneezed loudly, and wiped his eyes, looking at Lorelai pitifully.
Lorelai grabbed a tissue from the box on the table. "Poor kid, always sneezing. You must be allergic to the whole durn world."
Xander sneezed two more times as Lorelai tended to his nose.
"He looks like Rudolph," Grace laughed.
"Our own W.C. Fields, minus the hooch," Lorelai agreed.
"When did Grandma and Grandpa go to heaven?" Grace asked softly, munching on her french fries.
"Um, they went to heaven before I met Poppy," Lorelai said cautiously, eyeing Grace thoughtfully. She knew Grace was preoccupied with the notion of death, now, and Lorelai was unsure of how to handle the girl's questions about mortality with Luke not around to contribute. Luke was sensitive about the deaths of his parents, and his natural instinct was to shield the children from the painful subject matter. Lorelai was more inclined to answer Grace's questions honestly, but Luke had lost his mother when he was so young. Lorelai didn't want to upset Grace with the knowledge that Luke was a little boy when his mother died.
"Were they old like Maizie?" Grace queried.
"Damn," Lorelai thought. "Leave it to Gracie to shoot straight to the tough questions."
"No, they weren't," Lorelai sighed, handing Xander his sippy cup.
"How old was Poppy?" Grace asked.
"Um, well...he was a boy when his mother went to heaven," Lorelai said delicately.
"But Grandma wasn't old," Grace reminded Lorelai. "People go to heaven when they get old."
"Most people go to heaven when they get old," Lorelai agreed. "It's just, sometimes people get sick even when they're not so old."
"Was Poppy sad?" Grace asked.
"Yeah, I was," Luke said, clearing his throat. Lorelai and Grace both jumped. They were so absorbed in their discussion that they hadn't heard Luke enter the house.
"Hi Da!" Xander yelped, raising his hand in greeting.
"Hi, kid," Luke smiled. "Looks like I wandered into some heavy subject matter."
"Yes, you did," Lorelai smiled as Luke sat on the couch. "Do you want to take over, Poppy?"
"Sure," Luke groaned. "What are you grilling your mom about, Gracie?"
"Grandma and Grandpa," Grace said, crawling up on the couch next to Luke. "How old were you when Grandma went to heaven?"
"Um.." Luke muttered, looking down at Lorelai. Lorelai shrugged her shoulders, allowing Luke to decide how much detail he wanted to give the girl.
"Well," Luke sighed. "I was seven."
"Seven?" Grace frowned. "Why did she die?"
Luke swallowed hard. "My mommy was sick."
"Like the flu?" Grace asked. Lorelai quietly cleaned cleaned Xander up with a wet wipe and set him loose. She moved up to the couch next to Luke, waiting for a signal that he needed an assist.
"No, not like the flu," Luke said. "She had cancer."
"What's that?" Grace asked.
"It's, um...well...it's a different kind of sick. It's inside the body. You need to take medicine for a long time to make it go away."
"Did it go away?" Grace asked.
"No," Luke said sadly. "She didn't know she was sick for a long time, and when my mommy and daddy found out about it, there was a lot of cancer."
"That's why she went to heaven?" Grace asked, frowning deeply.
"Yeah," Luke nodded.
"Did Grandpa get cancer too?" Grace continued.
"Yes," Luke whispered. "I was more grown up when that happened."
"Are you going to get cancer, too?" Grace asked, clutching at Luke's shirt.
"Um, I don't..." Luke looked at Lorelai for help.
Lorelai looked at the expression on Luke's face as she grasped inwardly for a response. She was well aware of the fact that Luke harbored a deep-rooted fear of getting cancer. His health-nut ways were always mockable on the surface, but as their relationship deepened, Lorelai had learned that Luke's rigidity was due to the deep scars left behind by the loss of his parents. Making matters worse was the fact that Luke's doctor had confirmed that because of his family history, Luke was indeed at an elevated risk of developing the disease. He faithfully adhered to the routine of check-ups his doctor recommended, and was screened for cancer on a regular basis. Luke had returned from one of his appointments in a funk, admitting to Lorelai that he sometimes felt like he had a ticking time bomb buried somewhere in his body, that he fully expected to be standing in his diner one day, he would hear a sudden 'click' inside of him, and he would know it had begun. Lorelai could only assure Luke that his vigilance would pay off, that even if he did get cancer, it would be caught early and would be treated in ways that weren't available to his parents. Lorelai herself had developed an impressive fear of the possibility of Luke getting sick like his parents, but she kept that to herself, not wanting to burden Luke with her own worry. She chose to trust that lightning couldn't possibly strike three times. It wasn't a logical choice, but it was the best she could come up with when that icy fear crept into her gut every now and again.
Lorelai cleared her throat nervously. "Poppy goes to the doctor when he's supposed to, so he's always making sure that he's healthy. We don't know if we're going to get sick someday, nobody knows that. But we do what we can to prevent it. And things are very different now than they were when your Grandma and Grandpa got sick. There's all kinds of medicines that weren't available then, and the doctor's know so much more now than they used to. We take care of Poppy so you don't have to worry about him getting sick, okay baby?"
"Do you take your vitamins?" Grace asked suspiciously.
"Every day," Luke laughed. "I take my vitamins every day, baby girl."
"Good," Grace said. "You better."
"I do, honest," Luke said.
"Promise you won't get sick?" Grace asked.
"I can't promise that, monkey," Luke sighed. "I can only promise that I'll do everything I can to stick around for a long, long time."
"I'd cry all the time if you went to heaven," Grace muttered, cozying up next to Luke. "Do you cry a lot about your mommy and daddy?"
"No, not anymore," Luke replied. "I get sad sometimes because I miss them, but I try to think about all the good stuff."
"Like what?" Grace asked.
"Well," Luke said, looking over as Lorelai got down on the floor to play with Xander when she saw that Luke had things under control. "I remember stuff about my mom like how she used to dance all the time. She played the music really loud, and she'd pick me up and she'd spin me around. She'd teach me to dance by having me stand on her feet. She took me to school on my first day of kindergarten, when she had to come in and meet the teacher, and she was barefoot because she had run out of clean socks, and it didn't occur to her to just wear shoes without socks. She'd call me all kinds of funny names, too."
Grace giggled. "Did she call you 'monkey', too?"
Luke grinned. "She did. You busted me. I stole that name from my mom. She was pretty crazy. And she hated bugs, just like you do. She'd call my dad and make him come all the way home from work just to squish a spider. And one time, she chased Taylor Doose all the way across town with her shovel because he told her she wasn't throwing the snow into a neat enough pattern on our lawn."
Lorelai watched Luke, fascinated by the way his face would light up as he ticked off his list of happy memories about his mother. Luke was so squeamish about talking about his parents that a lot of these memories were things Lorelai didn't even know. She marveled at how Grace was able to get Luke to talk to her so easily, when she herself still had to work so hard to get the man to open up about such things.
"What was your daddy like?" Grace asked.
"Me," Luke laughed. "Pretty much everything I do, my dad did. I yell like him, I fight like him, I pout like him, I rant like him, I complain like him, I even dress like him."
"Cuz they're cousins, identical cousins," Lorelai sang, as Xander looked up at her as if she had just gone nuts.
"Stop it," Luke growled, swatting playfully at Lorelai.
"I don't get it," Grace pondered. "If heaven is so nice, why don't we go there first?"
"Gotta work for the good stuff," Lorelai replied.
Luke nodded. "We wouldn't appreciate it if we didn't have to go through the tough stuff first."
"It's not so tough here," Grace retorted.
"That's because you're a spoiled rotten little brat," Luke laughed. "All you have to do is bat your eyelashes, and you have throngs of people falling at your feet. It's not that easy for the rest of us poor schlubs."
"Nuh-uh," Grace pouted.
"It's true, my dear," Lorelai smiled. "You're sitting next to your number one victim, and don't even try to pretend you don't know it."
Grace rolled her eyes. "So what do we do?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" Lorelai asked.
"Until we go there," Grace replied pointing up toward the sky.
Luke thought for a moment. "Warren Zevon was on Letterman before he passed away. Letterman asked him what advice he'd give to everyone, and Zevon said 'Enjoy every sandwich.'. I think that's pretty good advice."
Grace looked at Luke. "What the heck does that mean?"
Luke shrugged. "It means make all the snow angels you can, play at the lake, chase a butterfly, read lots of books, jump off the dock without checking the water temperature with your big toe, stay up late on Christmas Eve to see if you can catch Santa coming down the chimney, and if you love someone, tell them. A lot. It took me a long time to figure that stuff out, and I'm going to make sure you don't wait to figure that out until you're forty years old yourself."
Grace smiled. "Does that mean I can get a kitty?"
Lorelai laughed out loud as Luke shook his head. "You're evil, kid," he sighed. "Absolutely evil."
Chapter 15: Support Your Local Girl Scout Troop
"Where did we go wrong?" Luke asked.
"What do you mean?" Lorelai scowled. "How is it our fault?"
"It's our gene pool," Luke grumbled. "Somehow, on some genetic level, we're responsible for it."
"We can't blame ourselves," Lorelai assured Luke. "We couldn't know this would happen."
"We should have considered it," Luke argued. "We should have done our homework."
"I think it's too subtle a thing to be able to research, Cool Hand," Lorelai muttered.
"Just look at him," Luke sighed. "He's going to blow his brain right out his left ear one of these days."
Lorelai giggled, despite herself. "We'll have to buy him some earplugs to prevent that from happening."
Luke and Lorelai sat on the steps of the back porch, watching Xander and Grace play in the newly installed sandbox. Grace was intently creating a mound of sand with her shovel, and Xander was pushing a toy dump truck around in circles. He was trying to, at least. The boy had to stop to endure yet another sneezing fit every few minutes.
"Is it the sand?" Luke asked, looking at his son uncertainly.
"Can you even BE allergic to sand?" Lorelai laughed.
"Xander can, I mean let's just consider what we actually KNOW he's allergic to," Luke groaned.
"Flowers," Lorelai said.
"Any kind of perfume," Luke noted.
"Hay," Lorelai sighed.
"Grass," Luke replied.
"Christmas trees," Lorelai pouted. "Not going to get used to fake Christmas trees anytime soon."
"Horses," Luke muttered.
"Most soaps," Lorelai added.
"Dirt," Luke groaned.
"That's just an assumption on your part," Lorelai laughed. "I think it was just because he snorted a clump up his nose."
"But not dogs, ironically," Luke said, rolling his eyes at Paul Anka, who sat with his head propped up on the edge of the sandbox, watching the children play.
"Or cats, apparently," Lorelai said innocently.
"Stop it," Luke warned.
"We spent an hour at a shelter full of cats, not one sneeze," Lorelai pointed out.
"Lorelai," Luke sighed. "I hate cats."
"You hated dogs, too," Lorelai pointed out. "You like Paul Anka now."
"I tolerate Paul Anka," Luke retorted. "It was a necessary concession in the process of reuniting. You and Paul Anka were a package deal."
"But Grace really wants a kitty," Lorelai sighed. "So does Xander."
"YOU want a kitty," Luke growled.
"I do," Lorelai smiled.
"I've got Gracie constantly begging for a kitty, she's brainwashed Xander so badly, that all he does is follow me around saying 'Want kitty', and now I've got you whining for a cat too," Luke grumbled. "You're all making me out to be the bad guy."
"You ARE the bad guy, Babe," Lorelai grinned. "I thought majority rules, and you're the only holdout. You've been outnumbered, and yet you refuse to concede defeat. You know we're going to end up with a cat, but you just stubbornly try to delay the inevitable," she said.
"Christ," Luke muttered. "I'm not cleaning up kitty poop."
"You won't have to," Lorelai promised.
"It's getting declawed. I'm not buying new furniture because the dumb cat tore everything to shreds," Luke said.
"So we're getting a cat?" Lorelai said excitedly.
"No, wait, not fair...I was talking hypothetically," Luke backtracked.
"No, you weren't, you were speaking in very definite terms," Lorelai shot back.
"Where are we going to put a cat?" Luke moaned.
"It's a cat, Luke, it's not the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man," Lorelai sighed. "Cats don't exactly take up a lot of room."
"No, but all the stupid cat crap you're going to end up buying will," Luke replied. "You're going to start coming home with cat trees, cat balls, cat treats, cat sweaters, cat strollers, cat posters, cat books, cat movies, cat beds..."
"Okay, okay," Lorelai interrupted. "I get your point. I will curb the cat accessorizing."
"No, you won't," Luke laughed.
"I promise," Lorelai swore. "Girl Scout honor."
Luke looked at Lorelai, arching an eyebrow.
"You're picturing me in a Girl Scout uniform even as we speak," Lorelai gasped.
Luke grinned evilly.
"Pervert!" Lorelai cackled.
"Got any cookies for me?" Luke asked suggestively, leaning over to playfully bite Lorelai's neck.
"Snickerdoodles," Lorelai laughed.
"I'll give you a Snickerdoodle," Luke muttered, nuzzling Lorelai's ear.
"Girl Scout cookies are kind of dirty sounding, aren't they?" Lorelai mused, swatting Luke's wandering hand away from her breast. "Don't molest me in front of the children," she teased primly.
Luke moved his hand to Lorelai's knee. "Not watching," he murmured. "I like dirty cookies," he prodded.
"Samoas," Lorelai smiled.
"Always want Samoas," Luke grinned, nibbling lightly on Lorelai's earlobe.
"Tagalongs," Lorelai laughed.
"Want to bend you over the kitchen table and show you how I can Tagalong," Luke chuckled, squeezing Lorelai's thigh.
"Oh my god," Lorelai gasped, snorting loudly. "All Abouts!" she giggled.
"All Abouts getting you naked," Luke laughed, trailing kisses along Lorelai's jaw.
"Do-si-dos," Lorelai sputtered.
"Sit on my lap, and let's Do-si-do," Luke growled, pulling Lorelai onto his lap.
"Thanks-A-Lots," Lorelai moaned, gasping for air between giggles as she wrapped her arms around Luke.
"Thanks-A-Lots for...umm...sitting on my lap?" Luke offered weakly. "Sorry, you've exhausted my dirty vocabulary."
"Oh, you suck," Lorelai pouted, kissing Luke lightly on the lips. "Definitely like the Tagalong idea, we'll have to try that."
"Again," Luke clarified, smirking.
"So when are we going to pick out the kitty?' Lorelai smiled innocently, stroking Luke's forehead.
"SEE?" Luke whined. "Start the sex talk, and you start trying to play me. You're like a black widow."
Lorelai wriggled in Luke's lap, giggling. "Is it working?"
"Oh, boy," Luke muttered, swallowing hard at the friction Lorelai was causing. "Damn it, they're having the adoption thing in the town square this weekend, aren't they?"
"Are they?" Lorelai asked, wide-eyed.
"Crap," Luke muttered in defeat.
"Tell you what," Lorelai negotiated. "I'll propose a trade."
"What kind of trade?" Luke asked suspiciously.
"You and me, we'll go find the cutest kitty in the bunch this weekend and finally give Gracie her Miss Kitty Fantastico, and..." Lorelai trailed off.
"And, what?" Luke asked. "You're going to give me a new staple gun?"
"Nooo," Lorelai murmured, smiling conspiratorially at Luke.
"Then what?" Luke asked.
"Then I'll give you a baby, in...oh, say...seven months?" Lorelai whispered softly.
Luke stared at Lorelai.
Lorelai waited.
Luke kept staring at Lorelai.
Lorelai poked Luke lightly in the forehead. "Anyone home?"
Luke blinked rapidly.
Lorelai sighed and waited some more.
Luke stared at Lorelai.
Lorelai knocked on Luke's forehead. "Hello? Ground Control to Major Tom?"
Luke gulped. "Deal," he whispered.
"Deal?" Lorelai grinned.
Luke smiled shakily, and nodded his head. "I think we're gonna need a bigger boat."
"Guess we'll be calling Tom again, soon, huh?" Lorelai laughed.
"Yeah," Luke grinned. "We're going to have to tweak the floorplan, a little."
"Happy, Poppy?" Lorelai smiled, rubbing Luke's shoulder.
Luke pulled Lorelai into a big bear hug. "Happy," he muttered in a muffled voice. "You're my favorite baby-factory in the world."
"Watch it, Bucko," Lorelai warned.
"Sorry," Luke grinned, putting his hand on Lorelai's belly. "But I have one stipulation to our agreement."
"What's that?" Lorelai asked.
"No more references to 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' in this family," Luke chided. "We have a Xander, apparently we're going to have a Miss Kitty Fantastico, we are not, and I repeat, NOT naming this kid Willow."
"Fine," Lorelai conceded. "Luke?"
"Yeah?" Luke asked.
"Can we celebrate tonight, after the kids go to bed?" Lorelai asked, stroking Luke's face.
"How do you want to celebrate?" Luke murmured.
Lorelai grinned wickedly. "Show me your Snickerdoodle?"
Luke laughed out loud. "Show me yours, and I'll show you mine," he promised, and pulled Lorelai into a passionate, lingering kiss.
Chapter 16: The Cat's Out of the Bag
Lorelai and Luke stood in the doorway of the elder Gilmores' residence.
"Grace, what am I going to do with you?" Lorelai muttered. "How did you get gum in your hair?"
Grace winced as Lorelai pulled gum residue from the ends of her hair. "It was Xander's fault," she grumbled.
"How so?" Lorelai asked in disbelief.
"He wouldn't take the gum," Grace shrugged.
"Why were you handing him chewed up gum in the first place?" Lorelai asked, working the last bit of pink goo from Grace's hair. "Never mind, I don't even want to know."
"Sorry," Grace mumbled.
"How are you doing over there, Burger Boy?" Lorelai asked, trying to get the gum goo off of her fingers with a wet wipe.
"He has a candy cane stuck to his ass, how do you think I"m doing?" Luke muttered, attacking the back of Xander's pants with a handful of wipes. "It's the middle of the freaking summer. Where did a candy cane come from?"
"The real question is why do we still insist on asking why?" Lorelai grinned.
"Beats me," Luke groaned. "Any other surprises up your sleeves, kid?"
"Nope," Xander replied. "Gram have ice cream?"
"Maybe," Luke sighed. "Gonna eat your vegetables?
"Nope," Xander admitted.
"Looks like we have a failure to communicate here, Cool Hand," Lorelai sighed as she rang the doorbell.
The most recent addition to the Gilmore staff opened the door for the Danes family and ushered them into the sitting room.
Emily stood up and greeted the group. "You're late," she scolded.
"Two kids," Lorelai snarked. "Hi to you too, Mom."
"Grammy!" Grace squealed and ran to Emily.
"Gram!" Xander yelped and followed Grace's lead.
"Well, hello you two," Emily smiled, falling back into her chair from the force of the impact.
"Got kitty, Gram," Xander cried, climbing up into Emily's lap.
"You have a kitty?" Emily asked.
"Yup," Grace said excitedly. "We named her Miss Kitty Fantastico, and she's tiny, and yellow, and really soft."
"Soft," Xander emphasized.
"Well, that sounds wonderful," Emily smiled.
"And quite a mouthful of a name for a tiny kitten," Richard said as he entered the sitting room. "Lorelai, Luke, your usual drinks?"
"Sure, thanks, Dad," Lorelai replied distractedly as she frowned at the hook shaped stain on Xander's rear end. Xander was climbing all over Emily, and Lorelai was clinging to the hope that the remaining candy residue wasn't going to stick to anything.
"Hi Gramp, " Grace waved at Richard.
"Gramp!" Xander hollered.
"Hello, Gracie, Xander," Richard smiled as he began to pour drinks. "The usuals for you as well?"
Grace and Xander nodded, and began fighting over who would tell Emily all about Miss Kitty Fantastico.
"Water!" Luke yelped suddenly, sitting upright.
"Water?" Richard asked.
"Umm...yeah, water...for me. Want a club soda, maybe, Lorelai?" Luke asked, elbowing Lorelai emphatically.
"Yeah, club soda would be better," Lorelai nodded, widening her eyes at Luke in understanding.
"Club soda?" Emily asked suspiciously.
"Yeah," Lorelai smiled. "I'm...uh...driving tonight, so no alcohol for me."
"So why can't Luke have his beer?" Emily asked, narrowing her eyes at Luke and Lorelai.
"Show of solidarity?" Luke said weakly.
Emily sat back in her chair, and glared at Lorelai.
Lorelai did her best to avoid eye contact with Emily. "Xander, come here, let me try and clean up your pants a little more," Lorelai muttered, glowering at Luke for arousing suspicion amongst her parents.
"Richard, go ahead and pour Lorelai her usual drink," Emily said sternly.
"But, Emily," Richard interjected.
"Do it, Richard," Emily said snippily. "I'm sure Luke won't mind driving tonight, right Luke?"
"Um...no, but...uh...it's kind of Lorelai's turn to drive, right Lorelai?" Luke stammered, looking at Lorelai for help.
Lorelai stared Emily down for a moment, and decided to call her bluff. "You're right, Mom, I could really use a drink, serve 'em up, Dad," she said, narrowing her eyes in return to Emily's penetrating stare.
"Lorelai..." Luke whispered.
"Shush," Lorelai hissed. "I've got this."
Richard handed Luke a glass of water, and gave Lorelai a martini.
"Cheers," Emily said, raising her glass of wine to her lips as she watched Lorelai. "Aren't you going to have a taste?"
Lorelai smiled thinly and raised her glass to her lips, feigning a sip. "Mmm," Lorelai murmured. "Yummy."
Emily sat back in her seat, a flash of uncertainty crossing her face. "How are your dance lessons going, Grace?" she asked, shooting Lorelai questioning glances as she tried to focus on Grace's reply.
"Did you drink that?" Luke muttered.
"No," Lorelai replied. "Keep your drink close by, okay?"
"Why?" Luke whispered.
"Just do it," Lorelai whispered back.
Luke switched his glass to his right hand and balanced it on his thigh. Lorelai waited until Emily looked down at Grace, and she quickly dumped a small amount of martini into Luke's water.
Luke shook his head. "We could just tell them," he whispered.
"Tell us what?" Richard asked as he took his seat.
"That we're thinking about trading in Luke's truck," Lorelai said, a little too enthusiastically.
"For what?" Emily asked. "A gallon of milk?"
Luke scowled. "It's not that bad," he grumbled. "It's a classic."
"Drink up Lorelai, it's almost dinnertime," Emily smirked, still not convinced that Luke and Lorelai weren't hiding something.
"What am I, some kind of lush?" Lorelai asked defensively.
"No, but you're really nursing that drink tonight, and I wouldn't want you to let it go to waste," Emily replied.
"The martini will be fine," Lorelai sighed.
"Gram," Xander interrupted, "Ice cream?"
"For dessert," Emily smiled.
"Yay!" Xander crowed in triumph.
"If you eat all of your vegetables, I'll ask the cook to add some whipped cream," Emily baited.
"Oh," Xander sighed, annoyed with the continued focus on vegetables. "Two beans," he negotiated.
"More than just two green beans," Emily countered.
Lorelai leaned toward Luke as Emily and Xander argued over green bean consumption and started to pour more of her martini into Luke's water glass.
Emily looked up just in time to see Lorelai try to dump some of her drink.
"Aha!" Emily exclaimed, startling Lorelai.
Lorelai splashed martini all over Luke's leg. "Crap, sorry Babe," Lorelai yelped.
"Geez," Luke muttered, standing up and pulling his dampened pants away from his leg.
Emily smirked at Lorelai. "You're NOT drinking. I knew it."
"Why aren't you drinking?" Richard asked, confused.
"There's only one reason that Lorelai doesn't head for the drink cart as soon as she arrives," Emily said knowingly.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Lorelai muttered as Luke returned to the couch with a handful of napkins.
"Neither do I," Richard sighed.
"Mom, let's just continue this topic later, okay?" Lorelai pleaded, pointing wildly at the children, and dragging her finger across her throat.
"She's pregnant," Emily stated.
"What?" Richard said, a grin forming on his face.
"Mom," Lorelai gasped. "Did you not see me pointing?"
"Of course I did," Emily sighed. "You were confirming your pregnancy by pointing at the children, weren't you? You're having another baby aren't you?"
"Noooooooo," Lorelai moaned. "That wasn't confirmation, that was a sign to ixnay the abybay alktay."
Grace looked at Lorelai. "A baby?" she cried.
"Baby!" Xander chimed in.
Emily looked from Grace to Lorelai as it dawned on her that the children were not aware of the pregnancy.
"Oh dear," Emily gasped. "Oh. Lorelai, I didn't realize..."
"It's okay, Emily," Luke said.
"Another baby?" Grace asked again, crossing her arms.
"Uh oh," Luke muttered.
"Yeah, sweetie, we're going to have another baby," Lorelai sighed.
"Nooo," Grace moaned.
"No?" Lorelai asked. "Why no?"
"Don't want more babies," Grace muttered.
"No babies," Xander pouted.
"Come on, guys," Luke pleaded. "What's so bad about having another baby?"
"Don't need another Xander," Grace said, rolling her eyes.
Xander looked at Grace, wounded.
Lorelai pulled Xander into her lap. "I like Xander," she said, sticking her tongue out at Grace.
"And you like Xander, too," Luke insisted. "If you didn't have Xander, you'd be sitting in the sand box all alone, you wouldn't have anybody to pick on, and you wouldn't have anyone to play Red Light, Green Light with. For someone who doesn't like the kid, you sure play with him a whole heck of a lot."
"When he's not sneezing," Grace sighed, plopping on the couch. "Can't you have a baby later?" she asked.
"Sorry, kid," Lorelai smiled, "The ball's already rolling. Can't turn back now."
"Boys stink," Grace sighed.
"Well, now how do you know it's going to be a boy?" Richard interjected.
"It could be another girl," Emily nodded.
"A girl might be nice," Grace mumbled.
"No girls," Xander moaned.
"Oh, now, come on," Luke laughed.
"I don't think we're going to get a consensus on this," Lorelai giggled.
"Bottom line here is we're having another baby," Luke sighed. "Like it or lump it, there's a baby on the way. Family is family, and the family is expanding. End of story."
"Where's baby?" Xander asked.
"In Mommy's belly," Grace explained wearily.
Xander poked Lorelai's stomach. "Tiny baby," he muttered, trying to lift up Lorelai's shirt.
"Down, boy, you can't see the baby, it's inside," Lorelai laughed. "It's tiny now, but it will grow up a little inside of me."
"Want to see," Xander said.
"Can't see it now. We have to wait until it's born," Lorelai explained.
"Mommy's going to get all fat and grumpy, then the baby gets borned," Grace interjected.
"Hey," Lorelai pouted.
"It's true, you do get grumpy," Luke smiled.
"Not all the time," Lorelai argued.
"Uh-huh," Grace nodded. "Really grumpy."
"But then the baby is born, and Mommy won't be so grouchy anymore," Richard chimed in.
"Hopefully, this child will have more resilient sinuses," Emily sighed as Xander erupted into a fit of sneezes. "Aren't you medicating that boy?"
"Yes Mom, we are, and we're hoping to start him on Xanax by the time he hits kindergarten," Lorelai said sarcastically. "Yes, he has allergy medicine, but it's not for random sneezing."
"How can you determine what qualifies as random sneezing?" Emily muttered. "He sneezes at quarterly intervals."
"It's not an exact science," Luke smiled.
"Excuse me," the maid said, entering the sitting room. "Dinner is ready to be served."
"Thank you, Monique," Emily nodded. "Well, shall we adjourn to the dining room?"
"Ice cream!" Xander shouted, and grabbed Emily and Richard's hands as they walked into the other room.
"Vegetables first, little man," Lorelai sighed, trailing behind the trio. "You coming?" she asked Luke and Grace.
"Coming," Luke replied, "Let's go, G."
"Poppy?" Grace asked as they stood up.
"Yeah, monkey?" Luke asked.
"Do you want Mommy to have another baby?" Grace muttered.
"Yeah," Luke said, taking Grace's hand.
"How come?" Grace asked.
"Mommy tends to crank out some pretty cool kids," Luke laughed. "You and Xander are really fun to have around, we just thought it would be nice to have one more cool kid in the mix. Is that really so bad?"
"Guess not," Grace sighed. "But Poppy?"
What, monkey?" Luke asked as they entered the dining room.
"Miss Kitty Fantastico is still MY cat, not the baby's." Grace said firmly.
"Fair enough," Luke laughed.
Chapter 17: Middle Interruptus
Sookie and Lorelai sat on a park bench together, watching their children play in the town square. Davey and Martha were leading a complicated game they had devised that appeared to be a combination of Tag, Marco Polo, Kickball, and WWF wrestling while Gracie desperately tried to take control of the game, to no avail. Xander cheerfully bounced in place until one of the children pointed him in the direction he should be going, and he would run in that direction until the children screamed for him to stop. Xander was apparently not going to excel in sports like his Daddy before him. Sookie and Jackson's youngest, Scotty, stood sullenly in the middle of the vortex of screaming children, pouting because he wanted to play something else.
“So, Richard and Emily didn't react that much to the news, huh?” Sookie asked. “Did that bother you?”
“Well, I must be getting more mature in my old age, because for once I didn't take it personally,” Lorelai mused. “I think they were playing it low key because Gracie and Xander didn't exactly start doing cartwheels at the news. Mom did pull me aside before we left and gave me a hug of sorts and congratulated me.”
“That's good,” Sookie said. “You two may just end up getting along yet.”
“Don't count on it,” Lorelai laughed.
“Stranger things have happened,” Sookie replied. “I mean, rumor has it that the grumpy old diner owner got married and started having babies. If that can happen, the sky's the limit,” Sookie giggled.
“Must have been one hell of a woman to get that old coot to settle down,” Lorelai grinned.
“So I hear,” Sookie nodded. “And Luke's happy about the new baby? He didn't have a heart attack?”
“I think Luke has finally learned to just roll with the punches,” Lorelai laughed. “He has perfected the fine art of smiling and nodding at the right times, and saying 'Go to your room and think about what you've done' when I start having a hissy fit. Other than that, it's pretty much just pops and buzzes for him. Just your average husband of a major flake and father of soon to be three really weird children.”
“I think Luke has just finally learned how to be happy,” Sookie pointed out.
“Yeah, I think he has. I like Happy Luke, don't you?” Lorelai grinned.
“Almost as much as I like Happy Lorelai,” Sookie smiled. “Oh, my gosh, I am just so excited. A new baby! We need a new baby! One that isn't mine!”
“You're not going to welsh out on me as official Danes family babysitting diva, are you?” Lorelai asked.
“Are you kidding? I love babysitting the gruesome twosome. They're so crazy, but they're good, unlike my kids, who are mostly just certifiable,” Sookie laughed.
“Stop it,” Lorelai giggled. “I love that we have babies growing up together. I love that we're all just this big extended family now. You and me, and Jackson and Luke, and Liz and T.J., Davey, Martha, Scotty, Doula, Gracie, Xander, April, Rory, and Baby No Name, and even Jess.” Lorelai took a deep breath. “That's a mouthful.”
“That, my friend, is what you call a middle,” Sookie replied.
Lorelai sighed. “Love my middle,” she grinned.
Xander wandered over to the bench where Lorelai and Sookie sat, sneezing weakly. “Hi Sport, that's some pathetic sneezing there. You've gotta learn to do it with jazz hands,” Lorelai said, rubbing Xander's head sympathetically. “Need a tissue?”
“Uh-huh,” Xander moaned, sitting next to Lorelai. Lorelai pulled out a tissue and covered Xander's nose.
“Blow,” she instructed, as Xander gave a loud honk into the tissue.
“Poor kid,” Sookie sighed. “Every time I see that commercial where the boy's nose tries to run away from the rough tissue, I think of Xander.”
“Ow,” Xander grunted as Lorelai tried to gingerly wipe his reddened nose.
“I'm sorry, baby,” Lorelai muttered. “I think we can officially give you some allergy medicine, this is definitely not random sneezing.” Lorelai rooted in her purse for Xander's prescription bottle. She unscrewed the top and drew the correct dosage of the liquid into the dropper. “Here we go, open up, squirt.”
Xander sucked the medicine out of the dropper. “Yuck,” he grimaced, shaking his head at the foul flavor.
“Sorry,” Lorelai apologized again. “But it will make the sneezies go away for awhile.”
Xander rejoined the children, and Sookie and Lorelai returned to their chatter.
“Coming to our Fourth of July picnic? Sookie asked.
“Wouldn't miss it,” Lorelai promised. “I haven't picked a theme for Xander's birthday party yet. What should we do this year?”
“Spongebob?” Sookie suggested.
Lorelai wrinkled her nose. “Two year old boys are hard. They're so spastic at this age. One minute they like Spongebob, the next they like something completely out there, like puffer fish, then they're back to something else like rocket ships. Girls are so much easier. As long as it's pink or glittery, you've got it made in the shade.”
“What does he like this week?” Sookie asked.
“Dinosaurs,” Lorelai sighed.
“Well, dinosaurs are a pretty safe bet,” Sookie said. “Oh, I could make a prehistoric cake. One with a big volcano in the middle.”
“Think the prehistoric theme would be a hit?” Lorelai asked.
“Definitely,” Sookie agreed.
“Then dinosaurs it is,” Lorelai said. “Thank you, oh guru of boyness.”
“You're very welcome, my queen of girliness,” Sookie giggled.
“What are we going to feed the troops?” Lorelai wondered.
“Luke's?” Sookie asked.
“Overdone on my end,” Lorelai sighed. “Pizza?”
“Pizza would be good,” Sookie agreed.
Lorelai's cellphone began to ring in her purse. “Oh, goody, Rory's supposed to call back today sometime, it's gotta be her,” Lorelai beamed, digging in her purse for the phone.
“I'll round up the herd while you answer that,” Sookie said, getting up and yelling after the children to get ready for supper.
“Davey, Martha, I'm not joking, you get over here now!” Sookie bellowed, trying to catch up to the scattering children.
Lorelai frowned at the unknown number display on her phone. “Hello?” she asked when she opened her phone.
Sookie finally returned to Lorelai, dragging Davey by the elbow as the other children followed. “All set?” she asked as Lorelai stood silently staring at her phone.
“Lorelai? Everything okay with Rory?” Sookie prodded.
“Hey, Sookie, can I show you something really quick?” Lorelai asked in an odd tone of voice.
“Lorelai?” Sookie asked, confused.
“Over here,” Lorelai said, her voice overly cheerful. “We'll be right back guys,” Lorelai smiled woodenly. “Just sit there for a second, and we'll be right back.”
Lorelai pulled Sookie over to the gazebo. “Lorelai, what's going on?” Sookie asked.
“I have to go, Sookie,” Lorelai said, her voice quaking.
“Go where?” Sookie pressed.
“Hospital. Luke. Accident. He was going to Hartford today to get a part for the oven in the diner, and that was the hospital, and I guess he, Luke, I mean, he put my cell phone on the emergency contact numbers list, and that was them, calling to say he was in an accident, and I have to go, Sookie, I have to go right now!” Lorelai sputtered, clutching Sookie's arm tightly.
“Oh my god, how bad?” Sookie gasped.
“I don't know, they wouldn't say, they just said to get there, I just have to get there,” Lorelai moaned.
“Well, go, just go, sweetie, oh my god,” Sookie said. “I'll take everyone to my house, and you call me as soon as you know something. Just calm down and breathe, sweetie.”
“I can't calm down,” Lorelai hissed. “What do I tell the kids? I can't just say 'Daddy's in the hospital, see you later'. What am I going to tell them?”
“I've got it, don't worry, let's get you moving, okay, sweetie?” Sookie said, pulling Lorelai back towards the children. “Hey guys, I'm going to take you to get some pizza to take home, Lorelai is going to run to the inn for a while to check on something. Let's get moving.”
“Can I come, Mommy?” Grace asked.
“Not right now, hon,” Lorelai said grimly. “I have to do...some inn stuff, you and Xander, you just be good for Aunt Sookie, okay?”
“Okay,” Grace sighed.
“I'm going to run,” Lorelai said to Sookie, shooting her a grateful but frightened look.
“Be careful,” Sookie warned. And call me as soon as...you know.”
“Sookie,” Lorelai whispered, panic clouding her eyes.
“I know, Sweetie, I know,” Sookie whispered back, clutching Lorelai's hand.
Lorelai grabbed her purse and ran to the car, praising the heavens above that she had decided to drive the kids into town to meet Sookie. Lorelai slid into the driver's seat and laid her head on the steering wheel, trying to choke down the panic. “Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay,” she chanted desperately as she sat up and began the long drive to the hospital.
Chapter 18: Being Luke Danes
Lorelai sat in the hospital waiting room, her head in her hands. She glanced down at the cell phone in her lap, and closed her eyes. She knew she should call Sookie, or Rory, or her parents, or Liz, or April. She knew she should call somebody, but she didn't know what to tell them. She had been led to this waiting room shortly after she arrived in the emergency room, and someone...doctorish looking, she guessed, had told her what was going on with Luke. Lorelai heard 'surgery', 'collapsed', and 'broken' float from the lips of the man. She heard nothing else. Everything else vanished into the fog that was clouding her brain.
Lorelai tried to figure out the series of events that had led her to this room. Somewhere, Luke was laying unconscious on a table, being operated on...for something. Lorelai shuddered violently at the thought, berating herself silently for not even retaining what the damn doctor had told her. But all she could wrap her mind around was the fact that it was LUKE in there somewhere. Her Luke. They were fixing her fixer-of-all-things-broken. The cosmos was most definitely out of balance.
Lorelai sighed miserably, her eyes still closed. She pictured Luke as she saw him that morning. Just a few hours ago, really. He was being uncharacteristically mischievous that morning. They had lain in bed, putting off the inevitable start of the day. Luke kept disappearing under the sheets, ticking and groping Lorelai. She laughed and asked him what in the hell he thought he was doing. Luke had poked his head out from under the sheet. “Looking for snickerdoodles,” he grinned, and disappeared again. What a difference a few hours could make. He had disappeared completely, this time. He was only behind that mysterious set of doors down the hall, but the way Lorelai felt, he may as well have just fallen off the face of the earth. She had never felt so alone in all her life.
Lorelai moaned softly, unable to push images of Luke from her mind. Happy Luke. That's what she had called him today. Not the man she had been friends with for eight years. Not even the man she had first started a relationship with after all those years of flirting and avoidance. The Luke she was married to, he was a very different man. She hadn't changed him. She had learned her lesson. She had learned to not try to change a person into who she thought he should be. This was the man that Luke had come to be all on his own.
The man she was married to, he was happy. Content. He and Lorelai, they seldom fought. In fact, they hadn't even had a legitimate fight since that second reconciliation. The one that stuck. Sure, they had their spats, their tiffs, even the occasional days when they found each other downright irritating, for no particular reason at all. Lorelai would slam doors, dishes, drawers. Luke would mutter under his breath, sulk on the couch with his arms folded defiantly over his chest. But it never lasted. They'd talk, they'd apologize, they'd get over it. This was a man who had learned to open up, to stop compartmentalizing, to stop shutting down every time something went slightly awry. Luke still had his murky areas. He wasn't a completely open book. Lorelai knew that there were things she'd never have the whole story on. She knew she'd never know what Luke had seen the night his mother died. But Lorelai had learned finally that she didn't need to know the fine details. It wasn't about her curiosity, her desire to share his pain. His inability to share that with her wasn't a reflection of his level of trust in Lorelai. It was one of Luke's few truly sacred secrets. It belonged to him and to his mother, and no one else. There was a time when Lorelai didn't understand that, but she did now.
He wasn't even really the man she had married, now that she thought about it. That man had changed as well, grown, evolved. He had become the father of her children. He was the giver of piggy back rides, even after a long day at the diner. He was a remover of splinters, a slayer of monsters hiding under beds and in closets, a magician who could rip a Band Aid off of a scraped knee without the slightest hint of pain for the wearer. He was a man who hated giving medicine to his son, simply because the look of disgust on the boy's face as the medicine went down was enough to make him feel guilty for hours afterward. He built playhouses for his daughter, and rocket ships for his son, leaned how to use a laptop just to stay in touch with his eldest, and obsessively tracked the career of a young woman who wasn't even his own flesh and blood. His best friend in the world was a nearly five year old little girl with lofty dreams of being a ballerina. He didn't grasp ballet. It bored him to tears. But every recital, he was front and center, applauding louder than anyone else in Miss Patty's studio. He terrorized Miss Patty relentlessly when that girl wasn't given the best roles.
But he didn't just belong to the children, he was still hers. They were partners. They were confidantes. He was the only man in the world she could tell everything to now. They shared their dreams, their hopes, their fears, their disappointments, their failures, their french fries.
He was her lover. Her lover in a sense she had never imagined possible. In their first incarnation as a couple, their lovemaking was always frantic, urgent, competitive-one always seeking dominance over the other, just for the sake of masking their neediness, their fear of losing. There was always a sense of solitude in their love-making in that other life. One hiding from the other, caught up in keeping their insecurities and doubts at bay. But now, after two children, and a few years of marriage under their belts, the frantic need was gone. There was still heat, passion, God, the mere thought of feeling Luke inside of her was enough to make Lorelai weak in her knees. But there was no desperation in the act. It was familiar, comforting. The need to control was lost to the need to give pleasure, to express love. The subtleties in their togetherness, their silent cues emphasized their syncronicity. Lorelai never had to direct Luke, unless it was voiced only for the sake of heightening the experience with her words. The tilt of her head, a soft vocalization from her throat, the way she sighed, a gentle undulation of the hips always directed Luke to exactly where she wanted him to be. Likewise, she could read every sign he gave her. The way he bit his lower lip, the angle of his chin, a barely audible gasp, that low growl he emitted, the way he furrowed his brow, all signs she could read without asking for interpretation. Lorelai remembered a time when she would replay their lovemaking in her head the next day, and she would focus on the way he had penetrated her, the lust-filled words he had groaned into her ear, the way he stimulated her breasts. Now, she would reflect on a moment when his eyes lingered on hers, and a smile would form behind those eyes, she would remember a distracted brush across her forehead with his lips, how he had buried his face in her hair, a moment in which their passion was interrupted by a leg cramp or a poorly executed attempt at dirty talk, and one would collapse on top of the other, laughing. Most often, she would recall the way his hand would clutch wildly for hers as they climaxed together, and the way he would touch his forehead to hers, chanting her name in reverence as the waves of pleasure overcame them.
This was the man she loved, the man she was building her middle with. He was her heart, her home, and to not have him at her side was more than Lorelai could bear.
Lorelai felt someone sit down next to her, but she didn't move. She remained silent, her head in her hands. She flinched as she felt an arm wrap around her shoulder. Lorelai looked up finally, and frowned in confusion. “How did you know?” she whispered.
“Sookie,” Emily whispered, rubbing Lorelai's shoulder gently. “Do you have any news?”
“He's in surgery,” Lorelai sighed. “I don't know how bad. They told me, I didn't...I didn't hear.”
“You're upset,” Emily nodded. “Your father is looking for someone to give us an update.”
“Mom,” Lorelai moaned, her chin trembling as she tried to keep her emotions in check.
“I know,” Emily said. “He will be fine.”
“How do you know that?” Lorelai asked.
“Because, I said so,” Emily shrugged. “It worked for your father, it will work for your husband.”
“Mom,” Lorelai sighed, shaking her head.
“Lorelai...” Emily began, clearing her throat.
Lorelai cut her off. “Thanks for coming, Mom,” she whispered, and laid her head on Emily's shoulder. Emily looked startled at first, but she continued to caress Lorelai's shoulder, soothing her as best as she could.
Richard entered the waiting room. “Lorelai?”
Lorelai sat up. “Hi Dad, anything?”
Richard nodded. “He is in recovery, and you will be able to see him as soon as they allow him to go to a room. He has a badly broken leg, as well as a broken arm and ribs. The surgery is due to a punctured lung and a lacerated spleen. Not ideal things to happen, but that is the worst of the damage, and the surgery went smoothly. He should be fine.”
“Oh boy,” Lorelai moaned in relief. She collapsed back against her chair, relaxing finally. “Guess I was overreacting, huh?”
“No such thing,” Emily sighed, looking at Richard. “Not when your husband is missing from your side.”
Lorelai looked at Emily curiously. “I can't believe I'm going to say this, but, I know exactly what you mean.”
“I'll just keep it our little secret,” Emily smiled.
Lorelai was allowed to see Luke an hour later. She walked into the hospital room, trying not to cry when she saw Luke. He was still unconscious from the anesthesia, and was hooked up to various monitors and intravenous tubes. Lorelai grimaced at the sight of Luke's broken left arm and leg. He had a cut across the bridge of his nose, and black eyes from the impact. Lorelai quietly pulled a chair to Luke's bed, sat down, and waited.
Eventually, Luke began to stir. Lorelai reached over and held his right hand as he slowly roused from the anesthesia. After several attempts, Luke was able to open his eyes and keep them open, sort of. He turned his head and frowned at Lorelai.
“What the crap?” he muttered in confusion.
Lorelai raised her eyebrows in surprise and almost laughed at the statement.
“Hey, Babe,” she smiled wanly. “Know where you are?”
“Not...Disneyland,” Luke slurred, blinking rapidly as he tried to focus his eyes.
“No, not Disneyland,” Lorelai confirmed. “You're in the hospital.”
“What the crap for?” Luke grouched groggily, wincing in pain when he tried to move. “Oh,” he groaned. “Truck went kapow.”
“Bang, zoom, to the moon,” Lorelai shuddered.
Luke sighed, and tried to raise his arm. He winced again and looked at the fresh cast. “Crap!” he moaned, and looked at his leg. “Aw, crap!” he growled, louder.
“And the word for the day is?” Lorelai asked, smiling despite herself.
Luke sighed miserably. “Craaaaap,” he hissed .
“That about sums is up, my dear,” Lorelai sighed.
“I'm sorry,” Luke mumbled, closing his eyes.
“Don't be sorry, just be okay,” Lorelai whispered, kissing Luke's hand.
Luke turned to Lorelai again, “Really sorry. I scare you?” he slurred, fighting to keep his eyes open.
“You scared the shit out of me,” Lorelai frowned.
“Love you,” Luke mumbled.
“I love you too, Baby,” Lorelai replied softly. “And Luke?”
“Huh?” Luke whispered, barely awake now.
“If you ever fucking scare me like this again,” Lorelai said sternly, choking back tears, “I will rip your tongue out with my bare hands and shove it someplace really uncomfortable.”
Luke opened his eyes again, and peered at Lorelai. “Backseat of a Volkswagen?” he said loopily.
Lorelai stared at Luke, mouth agape. “Did you seriously just drop a 'Mallrats' reference?” she asked in amazement.
“Don't like the mall,” Luke said under his breath, his eyelids drooping.
“That's okay,” Lorelai said. She stroked Luke's forehead gently. “Just go back to sleep, sweetie, I'll be right here when you wake up.”
“'Kay,” Luke muttered. His eyes suddenly shot open, and he looked at Lorelai worriedly.
“What is it, sweetie?” Lorelai asked.
“Gracie's gonna kick my ass, isn't she?” he asked.
“Oh, there are no words for the ass-kicking you're going to get from that girl once she gets a look at you,” Lorelai grinned. “You'd better start working on a good excuse for this mess right now. You're going to need it.”
Luke closed his eyes and sighed. “Crap,” he mumbled, and fell back asleep.
Chapter 19: Nurse? Can You Bring Back My Middle?
“Morning, Sunshine,” Lorelai smiled as Luke finally woke up.
“Morning,” Luke groaned. He groggily looked around the room. “What day is it?”
“It's Wednesday, I think,” Lorelai replied.
“Geez,” Luke muttered. “How long have I been in here?”
“Nine full days,” Lorelai frowned.
“Geez,” Luke said again. “Am I done getting cut open now?”
“That depends, are you going to stop bleeding internally?” Lorelai asked reproachfully.
“Hey, I can't control that,” Luke shrugged. “Damn. Well, I hope you find scars sexy, because you've got a crapload of them to look at from now on.”
“Tattoos, scars, and men with metal rods jammed in their thighs. I find all those things sexy,” Lorelai replied.
“I want to go home,” Luke moaned. “When are they going to let me go home?”
“I know you want out of here, Sweetie, we'll be able to leave soon enough,” Lorelai murmured as she stroked Luke's forehead. “You just have to be patient.”
Luke looked at Lorelai sheepishly. “I really sounded like the kids right there, didn't I?”
“Yeah, you did,” Lorelai laughed. “You've earned some whining rights, though. I know you're miserable.”
“Beyond miserable,” Luke sighed, rubbing his eyes with his good hand. “Ow,” he muttered.
“Watch it, you're still a little beat up, hon,” Lorelai said.
“I notice,” Luke winced. “Do I still look that shitty? I don't want to freak Gracie out.”
“She's more freaked out that you're not home,” Lorelai admitted. “She needs to see you, she isn't going to get a good night's sleep until she does.”
“Crap,” Luke muttered. “I hate that she's so upset about this, I feel like a total schmuck for getting into this fix.”
“It's quite a pickle,” Lorelai smiled. “I tend to blame the truck driver who decided to fall asleep at the wheel at 45 miles per hour, though. He's the one who should be feeling like a schmuck.”
“How bad is she really?” Luke asked mournfully.
“Um, I think she's just a little incapable of rationalizing things,” Lorelai replied. “I think she's just at that stage where she can't get past the fact that Poppy isn't here right now. She can't grasp that you're going to come back. And I think the fact that Maizie's death is still pretty fresh on her mind isn't helping matters.”
“Oh, boy,” Luke groaned. “Total pickle.”
“She asked me if you had cancer,” Lorelai confessed.
“I think I made a mistake telling her so much about my parents,” Luke sighed regretfully.
“No,” Lorelai said firmly. “I think in the long run it's better for her to know the truth on some level. You didn't tell her the bad parts. You were just being straight with her. She needs to trust that her Poppy will be honest about the tough subjects. You didn't tell her anything that I wouldn't have told her myself.”
“I don't know. It worries me,” Luke sighed.
“I know, Babe,” Lorelai smiled. “She'll be here soon, and it'll be better.”
“Wish Xan was coming,” Luke muttered.
“Hey, you remembered you have a son?” Lorelai snarked.
“Stop it,” Luke grumbled, fidgeting with his cast. “Does he miss me?”
“Of course he misses you,” Lorelai exclaimed.
“I kind of miss all the sneezing,” Luke chuckled as he tried to attack an itch with a straw.
“Hey, don't do that,” Lorelai scolded. “It'll get stuck.”
“I hope I'm out in time for his party,” Luke sighed, tossing the straw aside.
“If you don't we'll just move the party,” Lorelai promised. “Sookie is on stand-by for last minute changes.”
“Still dinosaurs?” Luke asked.
“He's still a fan of dinosaurs,” Lorelai smiled.
“Did you get the tee ball set?” Luke asked hopefully.
“Yep, and I kind of embellished on your gift,” Lorelai said excitedly.
“If the words 'Hello Kitty' come out of your mouth, I'm filing for divorce,” Luke cringed.
“How about the words 'Manny Ramirez'?” Lorelai grinned wickedly.
“Keep talking,” Luke said with interest.
“How does a Number 24 jersey with matching Red Sox baseball cap from the Daddy sound?” Lorelai asked triumphantly.
Luke grinned broadly. “You're pretty. Will you marry me?”
“I'll get back to you on that,” Lorelai laughed, leaning over to kiss Luke. They looked up as a soft knock sounded on the door.
“Come in,” Lorelai called.
Sookie popped her head into the the room,”I've got a visitor here to see a Mr. Luke “Poppy” Danes,” she smiled, waving at Luke.
Grace poked her head hesitantly into the room, the tip of her thumb hovering near her mouth.
“Gracie?” Luke called.
“Poppy?” Grace whispered, her eyes wide.
Luke waved at Grace with his right hand. “Hi, monkey,” Luke smiled.
Grace waved at Luke solemnly and clutched at Lorelai's jeans. “What, are you shy all of a sudden?” Lorelai asked, stroking Grace's curls. “Want to go see Poppy?”
Grace looked up a Lorelai and nodded. Lorelai took Grace's hand and led her to the right side of Luke's bed.
“Couple of ground rules,” Lorelai murmured, picking Grace up. “You can sit beside Poppy, but he still has a belly ache, so don't flop on him, and you see the casts on his arm and leg? Try not to hit those, he's sore on that side. Just be gentle, okay?”
Grace nodded and stared at Luke as Lorelai sat her next to him.
“Hi, sweetie,” Luke smiled, twirling a wild lock of Grace's hair. “Miss me?”
Grace nodded mutely, sucking on the tip of her thumb.
“Can I get a hug?” Luke prodded gently.
Grace looked warily at Luke's left side of his body.
“That side hurts, but this side is okay,” Luke assured her, extending his right arm out for Grace.
Grace slowly laid her head on Luke's shoulder, and Luke wrapped his arm around Grace.
“I'm okay, baby girl,” Luke whispered, kissing Grace on the forehead.
“Okay,” Grace sighed, and relaxed into Luke's hug.
“I'm coming home soon, okay?” Luke assured Grace.
“Okay,” Grace nodded, snuggling closer to Luke.
Lorelai opened up a magazine and let Luke and Grace visit for a while. Grace slowly lost her shyness, and soon she and Luke were chattering away about her new ballet slippers and the status of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Lorelai watched Luke and finally decided it was time for Grace to go when she saw Luke beginning to look fatigued.
“Okay, Gracie-kins, we're going to have to give Poppy a breather, now,” Lorelai announced.
Grace's face fell. “Don't want to go,” she pouted.
“Poppy needs to rest. The more rest he gets the quicker we can get him home,” Lorelai explained.
“Come home fast, Poppy,” Grace begged Luke.
“Fast as I can,” Luke promised. “Give me a kiss, monkey, and be good for Mommy.”
Grace leaned up and kissed Luke on the lips. “I love you, Poppy,” she smiled.
“Love you too, monkey,” Luke grinned. “Thanks for visiting me.”
Grace waved to Luke as Lorelai carried her out the door. Luke closed his eyes, irritated that he was so easily wiped out still. He heard Lorelai come back into the room, but kept his eyes shut.
“Okay, ready?” he heard Lorelai whisper. “Say 'surprise'!”
“Prize!” Xander yelped.
Luke opened his eyes and grinned. “Xan!” he exclaimed. Luke narrowed his eyes at Lorelai as she carried Xander to Luke's right side. “I thought you said...”
“I lied,” Lorelai giggled. “Xan the Man wanted to see his Daddy, too.”
Lorelai sat gingerly on the bed with Xander. “There he is,” she smiled, pointing at Luke.
“Daddy,” Xander smiled, hiding his eyes.
“What is up with you nutbags, acting all shy?” Luke laughed. “Hiya, Xan, I missed you, buddy.”
“Hi,” Xander replied , reaching out for Luke.
Luke held out his fist to Xander. “Pound it,” he instructed.
Xander made a fist and popped Luke's fist with his own.
Luke flattened his hand. “Slide it,” he grinned.
Xander slid his hand across Luke's palm, laughing out loud.
“Send it home,” Luke chuckled, holding his hand up in the air.
Xander gave Luke a high five. “Go home!” he giggled.
“Weirdos,” Lorelai muttered, shaking her head.
“You look bigger,” Luke mused, playing with Xander's shoe. “Are you getting bigger?”
“Lots big,” Xander informed Luke.
“Well, stop it,” Luke growled. “Stay little for a while longer, okay?”
“'Kay!” Xander agreed without hesitation.
“That's my guy,” Luke grinned.
Xander held up his index finger. “I got a boo-boo,” he informed Luke sadly.
Luke inspected Xander's index finger. “How did you get a boo-boo?” he asked.
“Kitty,” Xander grouched.
“Miss Kitty got you, huh?” Luke frowned.
Xander nodded. “Kiss it?” he asked brightly.
Luke pulled Xander's hand closer and kissed the tip of the finger lightly. “That help?” he asked.
“Uh-huh,” Xander replied.
“Good,” Luke smiled. “I'm glad you came to see me, kiddo.”
“Me too,” Xander said shyly. “Kiss boo-boo,” he muttered, twisting in Lorelai's lap. Lorelai laughed as Xander tried to get to Luke's broken arm. Luke lifted his arm and screwed up his face, ready for an accidental whack from the boy. Instead, Xander managed to expertly balance himself in Lorelai's arms, despite the odd angle she had to hold the boy to avoid Luke's incisions. Xander puckered up and planted a gentle kiss on Luke's cast.
“All better,” Xander announced.
“It feels much better now, thanks, squirt,” Luke laughed.
“Okay, buster, give Daddy a kiss, he needs a nap, like five minutes ago,” Lorelai said. Xander gave Luke a sloppy kiss right on the lips.
“Thanks, Xan,” Luke smiled, “I'll see you soon, okay, buddy?”
“'Kay,” Xander replied. “Bye Daddy.”
“Bye, baby, I love you,” Luke said, waving as Lorelai carried Xander out to Sookie.
“Love you,” Xander yelped as they exited through the door.
Luke burst out laughing when he heard the echo of Xander's sudden sneezing fit drift into his room.
“Ow,” Luke winced, trying to contain his laughter.
Lorelai came back into the room. “Hear that?” she giggled.
“Yeah,” Luke grinned, wiping a tear from his eye. “I think I just popped a stitch.”
Chapter 20: A Connecticut Yankee In Traction
Luke stared sullenly at the Crapshack as Lorelai parked the car. “Great,” he muttered. “I have a ramp, now, do I get to wear a special helmet too?”
“Oh, stop,” Lorelai sighed. “It's only until you're mobile again. If you can walk up the porch steps with one half of your body encased in plaster, then I'll gladly ditch the ramp. Until then, enjoy having a personal chauffeur to wheel you around.”
“Yippee,” Luke growled.
Lorelai got out of the car and pulled a wheelchair out of the trunk. She wheeled to to the passenger side of the car as Luke pushed his door open. “Let's go, Miss Daisy,” Lorelai smiled.
Luke narrowed his eyes at Lorelai and slowly rotated his body until both feet were sticking out of the car. He looked at the wheelchair, then looked at his leg. “Okay, how do we do this?” Luke sighed.
Lorelai leaned over Luke. “I help you, that's how we do this,” she explained.
“You're going to hurt yourself. Or the baby,” Luke worried.
“No, I won't,” Lorelai promised. “We're not going to do anything complicated, you're just going to hang on to me so we can get you out of the car.”
Luke groaned as Lorelai pulled him into a standing position, balancing wobbily on his good leg. Lorelai guided Luke to the wheelchair and gave him support as he lowered himself into the seat.
“There,” Lorelai wheezed as she began to push the wheelchair toward the house. “Was that so bad?”
“On a scale of one to ten?” Luke asked. “About a forty.”
“Did I hurt you?” Lorelai frowned as she maneuvered Luke up the ramp.
“Only my pride,” Luke sniffed as they entered the house. “Where am I going to sleep? I'm not making it up the stairs.”
“I have Rory and April's room ready for you,” Lorelai assured Luke. “Lots of pillows for your propping pleasure.”
Luke sighed miserably. “How the hell am I going to take a shower? I'm going to end up stinking like a pig if I don't figure out how to get a good shower in.”
“Spongebaths,” Lorelai grinned, parking Luke's wheelchair in the living room. “Dirty spongebaths.”
Luke arched his eyebrow at Lorelai. “Promise?” he grinned.
“Have I ever lied about the dirty?” Lorelai laughed, helping Luke limp to the couch. Lorelai went to grab some pillows out of Rory and April's room and brought them back to the couch, fluffing them and trying to make Luke comfortable by stuffing one behind his back, another behind his neck. Lorelai put a pillow on the coffee table and gently lifted and placed Luke's plaster encased leg on top of it.
Grace and Xander burst through the front door, Sookie following close behind.
“Poppy!” Grace squealed, running toward Luke
“Daddy home!” Xander hooted, hot on Grace's heels.
Lorelai jumped in between Luke and the rapidly approaching children. “Freeze!” she yelled, holding both hands out in front of her.
Grace and Xander screeched to a halt.
“Good,” Lorelai nodded. “Do not run around your father, do not jump on your father, do not squeeze your father, do not hurt his belly or his ribs, do not hurt his arm, and especially do not hurt his leg. That is the most important rule. Your father's leg really hurts, and that has the most healing to do. Do you two understand me?” Lorelai asked.
Grace and Xander nodded their heads in unison.
“Gentle,” Lorelai warned. “You must be gentle around your father.”
“Okay,” the children agreed.
Lorelai stepped aside, satisfied. “Now, GENTLY, say hi to your father.”
Grace and Xander stared at Luke, trying to find the most gentle path available.
Luke laughed. “Gracie, you sit on my left side, just be careful with my leg, Xander, you get up here,” Luke directed, patting the cushion on his right side.
Both children complied, climbing gingerly into their appointed positions. Luke winced and raised his broken arm up to accommodate Grace on his left, and pulled Xander close on his right. “Okay, I think we're set,” Luke smiled. “Hiya Gracie,” he murmured, kissing Grace on the forehead. “And hiya, Xan, “ Luke continued as Xander craned his face up to Luke for a kiss.
“Daddy,” Xander sighed happily.
“You're staying home now?” Grace asked suspiciously.
“I'm sticking around, I promise,” Luke swore.
“Good. Don't get wrecked up anymore,” Grace chided grumpily.
“I promise, no more two-stepping with Mack trucks,” Luke said, rolling his eyes.
“Boom!” Xander yelled. “Truck went boom!”
“Something like that,” Luke agreed. “So, I hear there's a party happening this weekend.”
“Mine!” Xander clapped.
“Really?” Luke asked. “Are you going somewhere? Is it a Bon Voyage party?”
“No,” Xander frowned.
“Did you get a promotion?” Luke queried.
“Nooo,” Xander moaned.
“Poppy,” Grace giggled as Luke continued to tease poor Xander.
“Is it...a Halloween party? Luke grinned.
“It's my birfday,” Xander explained impatiently.
“Really? Luke asked. “You really think you should get a party for that? I mean, you were just born. No effort there. Your Mommy did all the work. SHE'S the one who should get a party, don't you think?”
“No!” Xander cried. “My birfday, want cake.”
“How old are you going to be again?” Luke asked.
Xander held up his fingers. “This many,” he responded.
Luke frowned and nodded his head. “Okay, I guess you can have a party if you're that many fingers.”
“Yay!” Xander clapped again.
Lorelai wandered into the kitchen while Luke and the kids caught up. Sookie had returned to preparing various treats for the impending birthday party.
“Thanks for keeping an eye on the midgets for me while I picked Luke up,” Lorelai said gratefully.
“Anytime, Sweetie,” Sookie smiled. “They really missed him, they were so excited that he was coming home I thought I was going to have to break out the tranquilizer gun.”
“Never hesitate to bring the tranquilizers out,” Lorelai laughed. “I have to use mine at least ten times a day.”
“You handled this whole Luke in the hospital deal pretty well,” Sookie noted as she fussed over the birthday treats.
“Are you kidding me?” Lorelai gasped. “You weren't here that first night when they kicked me out of the hospital.”
“You're pregnant, I'm glad the doctor ordered you to come home,” Sookie countered.
“But they gave me his clothing as I left,” Lorelai shuddered. “I thought I was just going to dump his clothes in the hamper, and then I pulled out his damn tshirt.”
“Did you have a special bonding moment with Luke's shirt?” Sookie asked, confused.
“No, Sookie, it was soaked with blood,” Lorelai said, frowning at the memory. “It was cut in half, because they had to cut him out of his clothing. And it was just soaked through with blood. I stared at it for an hour. I couldn't remember what color tshirt he had been wearing that morning, and I couldn't tell by looking at it for all the blood. I just lost it. I sat there on the floor in our bedroom, without Luke, crying and hugging this sticky, awful, bloody shirt.”
“Oh, Sweetie, that must have been awful,” Sookie cringed. “What were they thinking, giving that to you?”
“It wasn't real until I saw that shirt,” Lorelai sighed. “Do you realize how close we were to losing him? I couldn't imagine having to go on without him here, those kids wouldn't be able to take it, Sookie.”
“I know,” Sookie nodded sympathetically. “But, you didn't lose him. He's right out there in the living room with your babies. Everyone is safe and sound, and where they belong.”
“He's in pain” Lorelai whimpered. “I know everything is going to be fine, but I'm standing here with a big knot in my gut because I know he's in pain still.”
“You're his wife. You love him, of course you're feeling awful for him,” Sookie replied. “But he won't be in pain forever. He will heal up and everthing will be fine.”
“He'll always have some pain,” Lorelai argued. “That leg was so mangled. They said his bones were just smashed to bits. It will always hurt. He has metal and pins in there holding everything together. The doctor said he'll need physical therapy to get walking again, and he also said to be prepared to really hate cold, damp days. He might even need to use a cane from now on, even if he does heal up well. Sookie, Luke isn't going to walk the same ever again.”
“Keep it in perspective, Lorelai,” Sookie said, trying to soothe Lorelai. “A cane? I'd take a cane anyday, as long as Jackson was holding it, and perfectly healthy otherwise.”
“I know,” Lorelai sighed. “I'm sorry, I think the baby has me all hormonal and emotional, and the idea of Luke limping around for the rest of his life seems really awful to me right now.”
“Think of it this way,” Sookie replied. “Luke always kind of walked funny, anyway.”
Lorelai snorted. “Be nice,” she smiled.
“Well, he did,” Sookie giggled. “He kind of walks like a duck, don't you think?”
“I don't know what you're talking about,” Lorelai smirked.
“Well, I'm just glad he's home,” Sookie smiled. “And just in time for Xander's party.”
“Yeah,” Lorelai replied. “He was really worried he'd miss it. I'd better go check on the troops, make sure they aren't terrorizing the disabled daddy.”
Lorelai walked out to the living room, and smiled at the scene before her. Luke had somehow maneuvered himself onto his back, and he was now stretched lengthwise across the couch cushions. Xander was sandwiched between Luke and the couch, his head on Luke's shoulder, and Luke's good arm curled around the now sleeping boy. Luke was snoring loudly. Lorelai looked down at Grace, who was hunched over Luke's plastered-up leg. She walked closer to see what the little girl was up to.
“Grace, what do you think you're doing?” Lorelai whispered.
Grace looked up. “I'm signing Poppy's cast,” she explained. “Just like when Doula broked her arm.”
“Did Poppy say you could do that?” Lorelai asked, covering her mouth to hide her laughter.
“Uh-huh,” Grace assured Lorelai. “Look. It's pretty now.”
Lorelai laughed out loud. The lower half of Luke's cast was branded with a very large, very wobbly purple magic markered G-R-A-C-I-E. Grace had taken advantage of Luke's slumber by surrounding her signature with numerous flowers and smiley faces, as well as at least a full page of Hello Kitty stickers.
“Well,” Lorelai grinned. “Poppy is going to be very...surprised when he wakes up. Why don't we put up the markers now and let Poppy and Xan get some rest, okay?”
“Okay, “ Grace sighed, as she packed up her markers. She stood up and followed Lorelai back into the kitchen.
“I'm glad Poppy's home,” Grace said as she climbed into a chair to watch Lorelai and Sookie prepare for Xander's party.
“Kid, you have no idea how happy I am, too,” Lorelai smiled.
Chapter 21: Educating Gracie
“Hey, Luke,” Rory smiled as she poured a cup of coffee. “Want any tea? I've got some already brewed for you.”
“Who are you and what have you done with Lorelai Gilmore's daughter?” Luke grunted as he struggled into the kitchen on a pair of crutches, “And yes, thank you.”
“Not fair,” Rory pouted. “I'm a big-time journalist now, journalism is not a sleeping in late kind of career. I'm used to the early hours.”
“You're on your vacation, you should be enjoying it, sleeping in, watching Ricki Lake re-runs,” Luke grinned, easing into a chair.
“I think you need a vacation more than I do,” Rory sighed. “How many more times are they going to rework your leg?” she asked, bringing a cup of peppermint tea to Luke.
“I don't know,” Luke groaned. “At least I have my arm back. I can function a lot better with only one bum appendage.”
“You're like the Six Million Dollar Man,” Rory teased. “They keep trying to make you better, stronger, faster...”
“Except I keep getting more gimpy, slower, less likely to remember what it's like to wear a full set of pants,” Luke complained, glaring at the crutches propped up beside him.
“Good Morning, husband of mine, girl who resembles somebody who used to live here,” Lorelai yawned. “Coffee. Must have coffee.”
“I still can't get used to seeing HER up this early in the morning,” Rory laughed, pouring a cup of coffee for Lorelai.
“Gotta make sure the backpack is fully stocked for Gracie's first day of school,” Lorelai moaned, sitting down at the table and taking a sip of coffee. “This is decaf. Luke, did you screw with my coffee again?”
Luke shot Lorelai a withering gaze. “I compromised. It's half decaf, half good old-fashioned death in the form of a bean.”
“I want the whole old-fashioned death bean,” Lorelai pouted.
“Not until you drop the fetus,” Luke sighed.
“Ew,” Rory said, wrinkling her nose, “That statement is wrong on so many levels.”
“Sorry,” Luke chuckled.
“So, I guess I'd better go wake Gracie soon,” Lorelai said. “Excited about the first day of school, Pops?”
“I guess so,” Luke muttered. “Wish we could walk her to school.”
“Well, we've got to break in the new Jeep, anyway,” Lorelai said.
“Remind me to get lots of pictures of Mom behind the wheel of a sport utility vehicle,” Rory snorted.
“Hey, it's dictated by life changes, not by desire,” Lorelai pouted. “At least we didn't get a powder blue minivan with wood paneling.”
“I'd never come home again if I had to face that sight,” Rory grimaced.
“I miss our old Jeep,” Lorelai sighed.
“It put up a good fight,” Luke said sympathetically. “But I draw the line at completely replacing the engine twice. It was time to move on.”
“You guys really don't have a firm grasp on the trade-in concept do you?” Rory laughed. “Mom and our dead-in-the-water Jeep, and you and your flat-as-a-pancake Chevy, put them both together, and what a fine hunk of beat up scrap metal you have.”
“Don't mention flattened trucks,” Lorelai shuddered, rubbing her growing belly. “I still have issues with the idea.”
“Sorry,” Rory apologized. “I'm not a fan of the image myself.”
“You're telling me,” Luke agreed, fidgeting uncomfortably in his chair.
“At least you have a new cast,” Lorelai said. “New canvas for Gracie and her graffiti.”
“Yeah, I really like how a Hello Kitty sticker fell out of the old one before the last operation,” Luke snarked. “Try explaining THAT to your doctor.”
“Just tell him you're getting in touch with your feminine side,” Rory offered.
“Yeah, that'll help,” Luke muttered.
“Guess I'd better go wake up our little Van Gogh,” Lorelai sighed, standing up and heading for the stairs.
“She seems too young for school already,” Rory mused.
“She'll be five by January, so she's in,” Luke replied.
“Well, the state of Connecticut may say she's old enough, but I still say she should be watching Teletubbies.”
“Yeah, they're growing up fast,” Luke replied sadly.
“I feel like the next time I get enough free time to visit, Xander will be wearing aftershave,” Rory frowned.
“I don't think they're growing up THAT fast,” Luke smiled. “He's still wearing Eau De Play Doh, most of the time.”
“And in a few more months, we'll be starting all over with Baby Dumpling,” Rory grinned.
“Yeah, how did I get suckered into that again?” Luke laughed.
“Suckered, my ass, Mom could convince you to have twenty more babies if her uterus could keep up,” Rory giggled.
“Bite your tongue,” Luke shuddered. “One more will be nice though.”
“Shooting for another boy?” Rory asked.
“Need one for balance,” Luke admitted. “There's only so much Hello Kitty a man can take.”
“How is Xander handling the baseball training?” Rory smiled.
“Uh...he thinks the tee ball stand is to be treated more like a football tee,” Luke sighed. “He holds the bat and kicks the pole.”
“Oh, my god,” Rory laughed.
“We're working on it,” Luke grinned. “It doesn't help that I can't exactly bend over to pick up the ball. He's getting mixed signals on how the game is played. He thinks the pitcher is supposed to act like a hockey player.”
“School girl on the deck,” Lorelai sang as Grace bounded into the kitchen. Lorelai carried a still groggy Xander in her arms.
“Morning, big girl,” Luke smiled. “Ready for the big day?”
“Uh huh,” Grace nodded. “I'm gonna learn lots of stuff.”
“Good,” Luke nodded, taking Xander from Lorelai. “Morning, Xan,” he murmured to the sleepy boy.
“Mmnng,” Xander mumbled, burying his face in Luke's chest.
“Not a morning person,” Rory noted with amusement.
“It's in the blood,” Luke grinned, shooting Lorelai a pointed look as she poured cereal for the children.
“I heard that,” Lorelai muttered, reaching into the refrigerator for milk. “All right, kiddies, eat up,” she said, bringing the bowls of cereal to the table.
Xander balanced on Luke's right leg and moodily ate his cereal as the girls chattered about Grace's first day of kindergarten. Luke munched quietly on an apple.
Lorelai did a double take as she looked up at Luke and Xander. “Like father, like son,” she smiled, marveling at Luke and the little carbon copy of himself sitting on his leg. Same sandy brown hair, same piercing blue eyes, same curls at the nape of their necks, same casual slouch, even the same slightly vacant stare they both seemed to possess first thing in the morning before they really started to wake up. Grace looked a lot like Lorelai, except for those blondish curls that Luke said were just like his mother's, but Xander's resemblance to Luke was downright startling at times. Lorelai remembered the first picture she had ever seen of Luke's father, and she had audibly gasped when she looked at it. It was a picture of Luke and his father standing side by side. Luke said he thought he was just over 19 years old in that picture. Luke's father was already starting to get sick by that time, but the illness hadn't taken a physical toll on his body yet. William and Luke were standing by a lake, fishing equipment obvious in the background. Both men wore flannel shirts, and had their arms folded over their chests. They both wore the exact same smirks, their heads were tilted toward each other at the exact same angle, and, if Lorelai didn't know any better, she would have sworn it was just a picture of Luke leaning on a mirror. It was downright eerie. She had a feeling that Xander was going to grow up into an exact replica of his own father, as well. Lorelai's smile widened. “Lucky kid,” she thought.
Rory waved her hand in front of Lorelai's face. “Mork calling Orson, come in, Orson,” she giggled.
Lorelai shook her head. “I'm sorry, babe, what?”
“I said you probably should hit the road,” Rory replied.
“Oh, right. Okay, then Gracie, it's show time,” Lorelai smiled. “Grab your backpack, and we'll do one last check before we go.”
Grace retrieved her backpack and brought it back to Lorelai. Lorelai opened the bag and rummaged through, making sure everything Grace needed for her first day was inside.
“Crayons, glue, construction paper, chubby pencils, sharpener, folders, and...Bunbun?” Lorelai queried, pulling Bunbun's head out of the backpack.
“Just in case,” Grace shrugged nervously.
“Gotcha,” Lorelai winked, and tucked Bunbun back in his hiding place. “All right, troops, let's roll out,” Lorelai ordered, and began to shepherd the children to the car. Rory followed Luke and hovered as he made his way down the porch steps and into the SUV. Lorelai guided the packed vehicle to the elementary school and parked at the curb as hordes of children and parents descended on the building.
“All right, Gracie, this is it, all set?” Lorelai grinned.
Grace stared at the school, wide-eyed. “I guess so,” she said, her nervousness apparent. Lorelai and Rory hopped out of the SUV with Grace. Luke got out of the passenger seat and hobbled to the open back door, lowering himself onto the floor with his legs jutting out of the vehicle.
“Okay, G, end of the line for me and Xander,” Luke said, holding his arms open for the little girl. Grace threw herself into Luke's arms.
“Bye, Poppy,” she whispered.
“Be good, and learn lots of stuff,” Luke instructed Grace, kissing the top of her head a few times.
“Okay,” Grace said. “I hope I make friends.”
Luke chuckled. “Are you kidding me? You're going to own that school,” he assured the girl.
“Think so?” Grace asked uncertainly.
“Absolutely,” Luke nodded. “Just go in there, wow them with your Gracie-ness, and don't pick on the little kids. You'll be fine.”
“Okay,” Grace replied, and gave Luke a small wave.
“See ya, baby girl,” Luke sighed, a little sadly. Lorelai and Rory walked into the school with Grace, disappearing from view.
“Go to school,” Xander pouted.
“You want to go to school, too?” Luke asked.
“Uh huh,” Xander frowned. “Wanna go with Gracie.”
“You'll be going to school soon enough,” Luke smiled. “You're supposed to be staying little for a while yet, remember? Just be patient.”
“Okay,” Xander said, digging a french fry out of his booster seat. “Fry!” he exclaimed and tried to take a bite.
“Whoah!” Luke yelped and leaned back to snatch the offending fry from Xander's clutches.
“Hey!” Xander scowled.
“You're not eating that. God only knows how long that thing's been lurking in your seat,” Luke shuddered as he flicked the french fry into the rain gutter beneath his feet.
“Like fries,” Xander argued.
“Yet another thing to blame on your genetics,” Luke chuckled.
Lorelai and Rory returned to the SUV. “Okay,” Lorelai sighed. “Guess Gracie's all set. She's in class. In school. Learning things.”
“And how are you dealing with that?” Luke grinned.
Lorelai flopped on the floorboard next to Luke, putting her face into her hands. “I don't know,” she moaned, sniffling a little. “She was just a baby yesterday.”
“I know what you mean,” Luke said softly, rubbing Lorelai's back in sympathy.
Rory climbed in between Luke and Lorelai and took a seat next to Xander. “How long are you two going to sit there and cry over this?” she smirked.
“Not crying,” Lorelai sniffed, wiping a tear from her eye. “Damn it, stupid pregnancy hormones.”
“Give me a break,” Luke laughed. “Those are Mommy hormones, not pregnancy hormones, admit it.”
Lorelai glared at Luke. “You mean you aren't a little sad that she's going off to school?”
Luke shrugged. “It is what it is. Can't fight time. She's growing up,” he muttered.
“I hate it when you get all rational on me. Especially when I know you're having a fit on the inside,” Lorelai hissed.
“Don't know what you're talking about,” Luke replied, and pulled himself up onto his crutches. “Now drive, woman, breakfast at the diner's on me.”
“Fine,” Lorelai sighed and stood up. “This sucks,” she whispered, giving Luke a kiss on the cheek. “It's awesome, but it sucks.”
“I know,” Luke grinned. “You'll survive, I promise.”
Lorelai closed the rear door of the SUV and slumped toward the driver's side of the vehicle. Luke opened the passenger door and painfully hauled himself into the seat. He shot one last glance at the school. Luke sighed heavily and shook his head. “Stop growing up so fast, damn it,” he whispered sadly, and pulled the door shut.
Chapter 22: The First Rule Of Fight Club Is...
Luke slammed his ledger shut and groaned.
“That good, huh?” Lorelai asked.
“Books are starting to look like a bad impersonation of my dad's old hardware store numbers,” Luke sighed, rubbing his eyes.
“Things will get better,” Lorelai assured Luke. “The inn's pulling in decent profit still. We're fine.”
Luke looked up at Lorelai and frowned. “We're still paying for the last round of construction on this dive, Tom hasn't given us the final bill on our most recent work, I'm up to my neck in medical bills the insurance won't cover for the bionic leg here, and, in case you've forgotten, we're going to have another mouth to feed around here, soon enough,” Luke huffed.
“We'll be okay,” Lorelai murmured, distractedly scraping at a food particle clinging to the dish she was drying with a towel.
“Xander practically needs an entirely new wardrobe. Lousy timing for a major growth spurt. The kid looks ridiculous in those high-waters,” Luke grunted.
“Okay, so we can cut some milk out of his diet, stunt his growth a little until the finances work themselves out,” Lorelai smiled, putting dishes in the cabinet.
“Damn it, Lorelai,” Luke growled. “I'm glad you find this amusing. I sure as hell don't. We have money just flying out the door at warp speed, and not very much trickling back in.”
“Calm down, Babe,” Lorelai sighed. “Slumps happen. We have two kids, a dog, a cat, and a baby on the way. Of course we're spending money. We're going to be in the red for the next twenty five years. It's a given.”
“Stop dismissing this,” Luke hissed. “Winter is coming, and the heating bill is going to go through the roof again, we have two ridiculous car payments to juggle now, I'm keeping the diner open sporadically, at best, and I am trying to dig up a freaking twenty dollar bill from the disaster that is our budget, just to feed a fucking cat.”
Lorelai sat in the chair next to where Luke sat hunched over the kitchen table. She lowered her chin onto Luke's shoulder. “Hey,” she whispered. “Breathe, hon, we'll find some pennies to pinch here. It will be fine, you'll see.” Lorelai reached under Luke's arm and stroked his chest. “Anything I can do to take your mind off of this stuff?” she smiled, nuzzling Luke's ear with her nose.
Luke shrugged hard to extricate himself from Lorelai's embrace. “Knock it off,” he said sharply. “This isn't something you can solve by waggling some tit in my face.”
Lorelai stiffened and sat upright. “Tit?” she mused. “Did you seriously just say 'tit'?”
“I am trying to get this crap straightened...” Luke began before Lorelai cut him off.
“Calling them 'boobies', I can get behind. It's cute, it's affectionate. 'Ta-tas' I can even deal with. Funny, in the right situation. But 'tit'? That's just...that's just crude,” Lorelai muttered, wounded.
“Great, let's argue about something as important and pressing as proper breast slang designations,” Luke said through gritted teeth.
Lorelai abruptly stood up. “Hey,” she snapped. “Things are tight, I get that. But we are not in dire straits here. If things were really that bad, we could always...”
“Hell, no,” Luke yelled. “I am not running to your Mommy and Daddy for a handout. That's your scene, NOT mine.”
“Keep your voice down, the babies are sleeping,” Lorelai warned. “And they LOANED me money. I paid them back, so get your facts straight, okay?”
“Okay,” Luke nodded, his eyes glittering with anger. “Let's get my facts straight, shall we? Fact: You paid off your loan for Chilton with a check with lots and lots of zeros on it that magically fell into your lap because Daddy invested some money in your name. Fact: You couldn't get get financial aid for Rory to go to Yale because of that check, so Rory had to run to your Mommy and Daddy for help. And of course, good old Christopher got to step in and save the day by writing yet another check with lots and lots of zeros to pay that little debt. Fact: When you ran out of money to renovate the Dragonfly, who bailed you out with a check with lots and lots of zeros? Wait for it, hey...that was ME,” Luke fumed, pounding his fist into the table to emphasize his words. “Yeah, Lorelai, you are ALL about the struggle. Someone should get you a shirt that says 'Ask Me About My Fight For Survival'. Give me a break.”
“You know what?” Lorelai screeched. “I really, really don't like you right now.”
“Not my fault you're a spoiled rich princess,” Luke muttered, slapping the ledger book across the table.
“Oh, fuck you,” Lorelai snarled. “I had no help with Rory. I was a teenager, and I did it myself. I raised that girl without any of that rich princess crap you're trying to lay on me.”
“Right,” Luke agreed sarcastically. “Because Mia putting food on your table, and a roof over your head doesn't count as help. You're right, my error. You're not accustomed to getting bailed out of those sticky situations. Not at all.”
“What the hell is your damage?” Lorelai yelled.
Luke fumbled angrily with his crutches as he pulled himself upright. “Hey,” Luke roared at Lorelai. “I know what it's like to grow up without much money. I know what it's like to not know whether you're going to have a home a few weeks down the road. I know what it's like to have to turn off the heat and sleep in your coat because you have to choose between having food in the fridge and being comfortable in the middle of February. You don't have a god damned clue about ANY of that. I'm not doing that to my kids. I am not buying them the government cheese and the white boxes of cereal with the black print that screams 'Welfare Case' to every one who watches my dad at the checkout counter at Doose's. I refuse to have to buy my kids Christmas presents at the fucking Goodwill store. I'm not going to let them walk around in hand-me-down clothes that some do-gooder asshole leaves on the porch so my dad knows that everyone else knows we're flat busted. I am not going to let Grace and Xander and little what's-its-face here get mocked at school because some jackass kid recognizes their old shirt on my back. I am their father. It is MY job to do better than that for them. NOT your Mother's job, not your Father's job. MINE. I want more than that for them. They deserve better than that. And I refuse to sit back and let you blow off the fact that I am trying to make sure they don't have to deal with any of that shit, god damn it.” Luke gasped for air after his rant, and stared defiantly at Lorelai.
Lorelai only stared back at Luke, her hand over her mouth.
“What the hell is that look for?” Luke growled.
“Your slip is showing, Mister Freud,” Lorelai said softly, as she leaned on the counter in exhaustion.
“What the hell does that mean?” Luke seethed.
“Let's see, 'my' dad at the checkout counter, 'my' dad knows, 'my' back?” Lorelai whispered.
Luke broke eye contact with Lorelai and stared at the floor. “Whatever. I'm pissed off. Excuse me for offending you with poorly constructed sentences due to temper tantrum,” he muttered.
“Poorly disguised issues with your childhood, you mean,” Lorelai sighed. “You're right,” she admitted. “I don't know what it was like. It must have been awful to always have to scrimp and scrape like that.”
“We weren't destitute,” Luke said quietly, lowering himself slowly back into his chair. “I just...he should have sold the store before it bled him dry. Bled us dry. He was too damn stubborn to admit he was failing. He should have sucked it up and moved on. Life would have been a lot easier if he would have just closed up shop and gotten a normal 9 to 5 job.”
“He did the best he could,” Lorelai sighed, sitting back down next to Luke. “It's all any of us can do. He was trying to provide for his family. And it probably would have worked, if...well, if things hadn't happened the way they had. Your mom...the medical expenses, I mean, that's what bled him dry. It wasn't the hardware store, it was stupid, rotten luck. Who really thinks they're going to get that sick for so long? There's no preparing for that. It was probably nearly impossible to recover from, no matter what he did for a living.”
“Yeah,” Luke agreed, burying his face in his hands. “Maybe I should suck it up myself and admit that the whole diner business thing wasn't such a great idea. Maybe I should get a real job.”
“Excuse me?” Lorelai frowned. “Last time I checked Luke's was the most successful eating establishment around. Everybody comes to Luke's.”
Luke raised an eyebrow at Lorelai. “That was a veiled Casablanca reference, wasn't it?”
“You're getting good,” Lorelai said approvingly. “I'm going to make you a pop-culture guru yet.”
“Before or after you kick my ass for acting like a total dick?” Luke asked, looking at Lorelai sadly.
“After I kick your ass. And after you grovel for a few hours. No, wait. A few days. You were really mean,” Lorelai scowled.
Luke groaned and laid his head on the table. “My leg hurts,” he whimpered.
“That's your excuse?” Lorelai queried. “You're going to have to come up with something better than that. No pity parties from me at this moment, Bub.”
Luke turned his head, cheek still laying on the table. “I know. I think I need to not talk to people when my leg is throbbing, though. I'm definitely noticing a connection between that and turning into a raging asshole. I'm sorry. I really, really am...sorry, I mean.”
“Spoiled rich princess?” Lorelai pouted.
Luke shrugged, guilt clouding his eyes. “Want to call me a name?”
Lorelai narrowed her eyes at Luke. “Big, dumb, buttheaded dweeb,” she stated.
“Dweeb?” Luke grinned, raising his head from the table.
“Buttheaded dweeb,” Lorelai pouted.
“That's the best you can do? I really let you have it, and you come back with 'buttheaded dweeb'? I'm a little disappointed,” Luke said.
“I'm not very good at name-calling,” Lorelai admitted. “But I'll have my revenge.”
“How so?” Luke asked.
“I have my ways,” Lorelai assured Luke.
“Details,” Luke pressed.
“You're going to have to rework the budget a little, hon,” Lorelai smiled as she resumed the task of doing the dishes.
“Why?” Luke queried.
“You're going to have to turn the thermostat up really high tonight,” she explained.
“Why? It isn't cold yet,” Luke said, confused.
Lorelai turned to face Luke, grinning evilly. “Oh, it's not cold...you know...here,” she replied, circling her hands in the area around her. “But it's going to be very cold, and very lonely....at least on your side of the bed tonight,” she finished triumphantly.
Luke frowned. “That's just....that's just...not nice.”
“That, my friend, is what you call 'consequence'. You do the crime, you do the time,” she laughed.
“Cruel and unusual punishment,” Luke whined.
“Hey, maybe next time you'll think before you call me a spoiled rich princess,” Lorelai shrugged.
“I'll think, I promise. I'm sorry. I'm really, really, truly, completely sorry,” Luke pleaded, staring at Lorelai mournfully.
“Beg all you want, you're going to go to bed tonight and think about what you've done,” Lorelai chided.
“Fine,” Luke grumped. “I'll think about it.”
Lorelai did a double-take. “That's it? Twenty seconds of fighting for sex and you're done? Geez, don't I feel special.”
Luke laughed out loud. “Let's be honest, here, Lorelai. Between your belly and my leg, our sex life has been reduced to little more than a firm handshake before we go to bed at night.”
Lorelai walked over to Luke and hugged him from behind. “We're pathetic. We aren't getting our nookie, so we're biting each other's head off.”
Luke sighed. “We so need to get laid.”
Lorelai nodded in agreement. “And not in the gimpy slash knocked up way we've been trying to improvise around lately.”
Luke tilted his head back and kissed Lorelai's jaw. “You're a good improviser, though,” he murmured.
“So are you,” Lorelai smiled, softly kissing Luke's lips.
“Are we good?” Luke whispered, playing with a lock of Lorelai's hair.
“We're good,” Lorelai nodded.
“Good,” Luke sighed in relief. “I'm sorry.”
“I know,” Lorelai replied.
“I think I'm going to go to bed, I'm beat,” Luke yawned. “Being an ass takes a lot out of a man.”
“Then you should be in a coma,” Lorelai snarked.
“Thanks a lot,” Luke chuckled as he pulled himself upright onto his crutches. “So, I'm going to go...to bed...to think about...things,” he mumbled, giving Lorelai an exaggerated look of contrition.
“You do that,” Lorelai smiled as she put away the last of the dishes. “I'll be up in a few minutes.”
“Okay,” Luke muttered. “Should I still...ummm...turn up the thermostat?”
“Oh, definitely,” Lorelai said solemnly. “Unless you want to improvise by yourself. Otherwise, my dear, you are out of luck.”
“Damn,” Luke growled as he made his way out of the kitchen. “One fight in seven years, and suddenly it's like I'm Ike Turner or something.”
“Night, Ike,” Lorelai sang, giggling to herself as Luke grumbled his way to the stairs.
“Night, Tina,” Luke replied, glaring at the thermostat as he passed it.
Chapter 23: Bend It Like Beckham
“Hand me a couple of nails, will you, G?” Luke muttered, holding a open hand out toward Grace.
Grace reached into the toolbox and pulled something out. “Here, Poppy,” she said.
“That's a screw,” Luke pointed out.
“How come?” Grace asked, wrinkling her nose at the screw.
“Because it is,” Luke explained. “See those threads? It's a screw because it's...well, it's all screwy. Nails are smooth.”
“Oh,” Grace shrugged, and grabbed a few nails out of the toolbox. “Want this?”
“Yes,” Luke replied, taking the nails from Grace. “Thanks. Hammer?”
“This?” Grace asked, holding up a level.
“You are such your mother's daughter,” Luke sighed. “Go away. You're relieved of duty. Get out of my toolbox before it starts sprouting pink feathers or something girlie.”
“Yay!” Grace exclaimed and fled from the field of construction. She ran to the pile of leaves that Lorelai was raking up into a heap, and flung herself into the center.
“Graaaace!” Lorelai whined, flinging a rakeful of leaves at the girl.
“Xan!” Luke bellowed.
“What?” Xander hollered back from underneath the leaves.
“Need a hammer!” Luke yelled.
“Kay!” Xander replied and extricated himself from the leaf pile.
“Durn it,” Lorelai grouched. “You two are not helping the situation, here.” She watched forlornly as Xander drug a trail of red and orange leaves into his wake as he sped toward Luke to assist in the hammer search.
Xander ran to Luke's toolbox and studied its contents for a moment. “Hammer!” he yelped gleefully and handed the tool up to Luke.
“There's hope for you yet, squirt,” Luke said, grabbing the hammer and driving a nail into the wood he was fastening to the roof of Grace's playhouse.
Xander stood silently by the toolbox, watching Luke work and waiting for further orders. He passed the time by jamming a finger up his left nostril.
Luke paused in his work to regard the boy. “If you touch your brain, pull back a little,” Luke coached. “You may inadvertently trigger a seizure if you poke it too hard.”
Xander nodded thoughtfully as he continued probing, pulling his finger out a bit.
“Atta boy,” Luke said, shaking his head.
“Xander!” Lorelai screeched. “Stop picking already!”
Xander yanked his finger out of his nose and jammed his hands into his coat pockets.
Luke laughed. “Now that you've got the fine art of nose picking under control, we'll have to move on to inappropriate public scratching.”
Xander nodded in agreement. “Hammer?” he queried.
“Already got one,” Luke reminded the boy. “Hang in there though, I'm going to need more nails in a second, and I'm not interested in bending over right now.”
Luke's cast was finally gone, and he was alternating between crutches and a cane as he became more mobile. The leg was in better shape than anticipated, though Lorelai had to still drag him kicking and screaming, figuratively speaking in the kicking sense at least, to physical therapy twice a week He had the diner open full time again. He and Caesar split kitchen shifts, with Luke pulling up a stool and working the grill. Luke had hired a part-time waitress and was able to divide work between her and Lane, with Luke filling in the schedule gaps himself. He was able to skillfully whirl around the diner with a crutch under his one arm, and a plate of food in the other hand when his leg was throbbing too much to be able to withstand any pressure. Luke was currently trying to catch up home projects that got pushed to the back burner after the accident. He was now trying to repair the playhouse's leaky roof before winter hit.
“Hammer yet?” Xander asked, growing impatient.
“Still holding the hammer,” Luke sighed. “Give me a couple of nails, will you?”
Xander squatted on his haunches and rooted through the toolbox, sneezing violently on its contents. “Scyoo me,” he muttered distractedly as he picked out a few nails.
“You're scyooed,” Luke smiled, taking the nails from the boy. “Thanks, squirt.”
“Play now?” Xander asked, having satisfied the urge to assist Luke.
“Go play,” Luke agreed and watched Xander barrel toward the leaf pile again. Luke cringed as Grace stood up just in time for Xander to plow into her chest at top speed.
Luke snorted with laughter as he heard Grace's surprised “Oof!” at the moment of impact, and laughed harder as the force of the collision knocked them both onto their backs. Both children sank into the leaves and disappeared from view.
“Any bloodshed?” Luke hollered.
“I think they're stunned,” Lorelai giggled, peering into the leaves at the casualties.
“Ten seconds of peace and quiet,” Luke chuckled as he grabbed his cane and limped over to the scene. “Enjoy it while you can.” Luke came to halt at Lorelai's side, and laughed again as he surveyed the damage. Grace was lying on her back, holding her stomach, and Xander was struggling to sit upright while rubbing his forehead.
“Our gene pool,” Lorelai marveled.
“Darwin would be proud,” Luke nodded, as the stunned children recovered their senses.
“Kickball!” Grace cried, shaking leaves out of her hair and running for the ball sitting in the middle of the yard. Xander followed Grace, slowed only by the chore of trying to pull leaf particles off of his tongue.
Lorelai flung the rake down as gust of wind buffeted the pile she had accumulated. The leaves swirled around in the air before scattering across the yard again. “That's it. I quit,” she moaned.
“Break?” Luke asked. Lorelai nodded and slumped toward the porch steps in defeat.
Lorelai sat on the steps, exhausted. “Getting too old for this,” she scowled, pawing angrily at a leaf that blew past her face.
“There's still a few good years left in you,” Luke assured Lorelai, as he started to take a seat next to her. Unfortunately, at that moment, a wild kick by Grace sent the kickball flying right at her parents, and the ball caught Luke flush in his left thigh.
“Aw, crap!” Luke bellowed, as he flopped the rest of the way down onto the step. “Holy shit!” he growled as the slight drop jarred his assaulted leg even more.
Lorelai gasped in horror. “Gracie!” she scolded. “Oh, Babe, are you okay?” she asked as Luke doubled over in pain.
Grace and Xander stood frozen in place, staring wide-eyed at Luke as he writhed painfully on the steps.
“Crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP!” Luke hissed through clenched teeth, tears escaping from his suddenly burning, watery eyes.
“Luke?” Lorelai said in a worried tone, as Luke folded his arms over his gut and bent over as far as he could.
“Fuck,” Luke whispered, blinking rapidly to clear the bursts of light dancing before his eyes. “God damned shittin' son of a mother...”
“Virgin ears,” Lorelai begged, rubbing Luke's back soothingly as she cut off his stream of obscenities. “Can you talk, Babe? In the non-obscene sense of the word?”
Luke looked up at Lorelai, sweat trickling down his ashen face. “Crap!” he offered, and lowered his head again, moaning loudly.
“I'm sorry, Poppy,” Grace cried, her voice quivering.
“Mmnnrrgg,” Luke replied, punching his fist down into the step he was sitting on.
“Daddy got whacked,” Xander informed Lorelai and Grace, his jaw hanging open at the sight. He tugged nervously on his ear as he waited for Luke to recover.
Grace looked at Lorelai, and looked at Luke. Luke was still doubled over in pain, muttering obscenities under his breath.
“Daddy cussed,” Xander pointed out to Grace, impressed.
Grace suddenly flopped onto her butt on the ground, buried her face in her hands and began to sob. “I'm sorry, Poppy,” she howled through her tears.
Xander looked at Grace quizzically, looked at Luke, and looked at Lorelai. He suddenly threw his head back and began to cry himself. “Daddy got whacked,” he sobbed, stumbling toward Lorelai for comfort.
Lorelai pulled Xander close as he cried, still rubbing Luke's back as his leg slowly began to recover from the kickball assault. Grace remained seated in the yard sobbing loudly. Lorelai felt a twitch at the corner of her mouth, and bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. None of the three traumatized Danes family members would probably welcome a sudden attack of the giggles from Lorelai, she was sure of it. Still, as Xander and Grace wailed, and Luke's softening moans continued, Lorelai had to fight with all the strength she could muster to not laugh out loud.
Xander's crying suddenly erupted into a severe case of hiccups. Lorelai couldn't take it anymore. Between the stream of curses on her left, the wailing in the middle of the yard, and the constant hiccuping on her right, she couldn't hold back any longer. With a loud snort, Lorelai finally gave in and screamed with laughter.
“Glad you're amused,” Luke groaned, trying to sit up a little straighter.
“Listen to this,” Lorelai gasped. “You guys sound like....like...the entire family just got massacred...”she choked out, laughing harder.
Luke looked at Xander, still alternating between crying and hiccuping, a smile twitching at the corners of his own mouth now. “Train wreck,” Luke wheezed, chuckling weakly. “This family is a total train wreck.” Luke groaned again and wiped the film of sweat from his face. “That really, really hurt,” he sighed, stretching his leg out tentatively.
Grace, still sobbing, got up slowly and walked to Luke, sitting down beside him, avoiding the leg she had just terrorized. Luke managed to compose himself and wrapped an arm around Grace.
“I'm sorry,” she wailed, burying her face in Luke's chest.
“Calm down,” Luke grimaced. “I'll survive. It's already getting better now. It's fine.”
“Didn't mean it,” Grace moaned.
“I know,” Luke chuckled. “Great kick, by the way. You know, great right up until the mind-numbing pain, at least.”
“Real good kick,” Grace agreed, smiling guiltily between sniffles.
Luke kissed Grace on the forehead. “Just don't do that again, I'm begging you.”
“No,” Grace promised, shaking her head violently.
“Daddy better?” Xander hiccuped, wiping his nose on his sleeve.
“Better,” Luke agreed, trying not to wince at the dull throb still present in his leg.
“Okay, so have we all come back to reality now?” Lorelai grinned.
“I think so,” Luke sighed, rubbing his leg delicately.
Grace nodded as Luke wiped away her tears.
“Uh huh,” Xander agreed, hiccuping loudly.
“Good. Well I think this is quickly becoming a pizza for dinner kind of night, so you guys go find the pizza coupons for me, huh?” Lorelai said, shooing Grace and Xander into the house.
“Oh man,” Luke sighed.
“Can you move?” Lorelai asked, frowning as Luke winced in pain.
Luke nodded. “I'm fine,” he shrugged.
“Liar,” Lorelai whispered. “But way to go Poppy, with calming down Meltdown Gracie.”
“Kid went bonkers,” Luke grinned.
“Nobody messes with her Poppy, not even her,” Lorelai nodded.
“Awesome kick though,” Luke said proudly. “That kick had some heat behind it.”
Lorelai laughed. “I've said it a million times, but you need to remind yourself of the official motto of this family.”
“Anything than can be done easily, WON'T be done easily,” Luke recited.
“And don't you forget it,” Lorelai smiled. “Just do me a favor?”
“What's that?” Luke asked.
“Duck next time, for Christ's sake,” Lorelai muttered.
“Roger that,” Luke replied, reaching for his cane.
Chapter 24: Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera And So Forth
Lorelai pulled the comforter up over her rounded belly and settled back into her pillow. She drummed her fingers on her stomach for a moment, then reached for the remote, turning on the television set. She aimlessly flipped through the channels, not really paying attention to what she passed by. Lorelai sighed, and threw the remote on the bed. She looked around the room, and grabbed a magazine sitting on her nightstand. She idly turned the pages, not focusing on the words. Lorelai put the magazine back on the nightstand as Luke shuffled into the bedroom, reaching for corners of dressers, tables, and the bed post for support since he was devoid of any walking aids. He yawned deeply as he limped to his side of the bed and crawled under the covers.
“Kids go down okay?” Lorelai asked.
“Yeah,” Luke groaned as he tried to find a comfortable position that didn't make his leg ache. “I'm officially sick of 'Horton Hears A Who'.”
“Get used to it, Bucko, you're about to start all over with the Dr. Seuss Chronicles again. Two straight months of non-stop 'One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish' will have you begging for good old Horton again,” Lorelai pointed out.
Luke cleared his throat loudly and picked up the remote control. “Don't you usually watch Talk Soup?” he asked.
“You'd think once you cleared the five year mile-marker in a marriage by a couple of years, you'd be a little smoother with the topic changing,” Lorelai snarked.
“One would think,” Luke sighed, putting down the remote control.
“So how long do we skirt the issue?” Lorelai asked.
“I didn't know there was an issue to skirt,” Luke mumbled.
“Oh, there's an issue,” Lorelai retorted.
“Listen, why don't we sleep on this?” Luke begged. “We'll be thinking clearer in the morning. Let's not get into a fight over something that's not worth fighting over?”
“Not worth fighting over?” Lorelai gasped, struggling into an upright position. “How can you even say that?”
“I didn't mean...I meant it's not something TO fight over,” Luke corrected. “Geez, Lorelai, why would you think that I meant that...”
“Okay,” Lorelai sighed. “Okay, sorry. Chalk that one up to a hormonal surge. I'm with you now. I'm sorry.”
“Good,” Luke replied. “I don't even know what to say right now, that's all.”
“Are you upset?” Lorelai asked.
“Upset?” Luke mused. “How are you defining upset?”
“Are you angry?” Lorelai asked.
“No,” Luke replied. “I'm not angry. How could I be angry?”
“Are you upset in a dyspeptic stomach kind of way?” Lorelai asked.
Luke smirked. “Definitely. Feeling very dyspeptic right now.”
“Me too,” Lorelai sighed. “But it may be that chili dog I ate for lunch.”
“I just don't know what to think,” Luke said. “I'm kind of at a loss.”
“I feel kind of guilty,” Lorelai confessed.
“Why?” Luke asked.
“Because I feel like I should be overjoyed, or skipping through a field of daisies, spinning in the dazzling rays of the sun,” she explained.
“So you should be feeling like you're in a maxi pad commercial?” Luke snorted.
“Or rejoicing about my lack of not so fresh feelings,” Lorelai nodded. “We're really old.”
“How did you get there?” Luke chuckled. “From dyspepsia to dementia in six seconds.”
“Because we remember maxi pad commercials that showed girls running through a field of flowers,” Lorelai explained. “If we were young and hip, we'd know that women today only talk about their periods in eclectic cafes and swinging hot spots. And most of those women would say 'What's a maxi pad?' and they'd look at you like you're Captain Caveman as you explain the concept to them.”
Luke shook his head. “None of those chicks would know who Captain Caveman was.”
“True,” Lorelai agreed. “Can you imagine their faces if we started explaining Sid and Marty Krofft to them?”
Luke grinned. “H.R. Puffnstuff.”
“Land of the Lost,” Lorelai smiled.
“Lidsville,” Luke laughed.
“Sigmund and the Sea Monsters,” Lorelai giggled. “Or Electra Woman and Dyna-Girl.”
“Huh?” Luke frowned.
“Girl show,” Lorelai explained. “Marlena was a superhero before she was a soap diva.”
“Pops and buzzes,” Luke sighed. “You lose me the further away from 'Far Out Space Nuts' you get.”
“That one was the worst,” Lorelai gasped.
“Nah,” Luke argued. “The worst one was definitely 'Lidsville'. I mean, hats? Come on,” he groaned.
“Sleestaks really freaked me out when I was a kid,” Lorelai mused. “I used to have nightmares about them.”
“Know what really creeped me out?” Luke asked.
“Weekly doses of Phyllis Diller?” Lorelai guessed.
“That flute. That creepy little talking flute with the creepy voice,” Luke confessed. “Every time that flute got stolen, I really hoped Jimmy wouldn't get it back.”
“You had a really disappointing childhood, didn't you?'” Lorelai laughed.
“I eventually figured out the trend,” Luke said, rolling his eyes. “I moved on.”
“And we've somehow moved on from the real topic,” Lorelai replied.
“I could divert the topic back to something really distracting like the difference between how Sid and Marty Krofft shows looked to us poor kids with the rabbit ears versus how they looked to the princesses with their cable television,” Luke grinned wickedly.
“You actually have the balls to try and call me a princess to my face again?” Lorelai sniffed, feigning arrogance.
“I figure you can't catch me now, too much baggage,” Luke laughed, rubbing Lorelai's belly.
“Pegleg Pete is trying to mock the pregnant woman, that's hilarious,” Lorelai guffawed.
“Fine, so what are we supposed to be talking about again?” Luke asked.
“The 'This is another fine mess you've gotten me into' subject,” Lorelai scowled.
“Me?” Luke asked. “How is this MY fault? Equal responsibility here, remember? You were there too, as I recall,” he huffed.
“Luuuuuke,” Lorelai moaned.
“Looooorelai,” Luke mocked.
“Stop it. I'm completely freaking out here,” Lorelai muttered.
Luke sighed. “I am too,” he admitted.
“What in the hell are we going to do?” Lorelai asked, her voice rising.
“We don't really have much of a choice, do we?” Luke shrugged, running his fingers through his hair.
“So we just deal with it? Just sit back and let it happen?” Lorelai asked.
“It's not like there's a return policy we can fall back on,” Luke argued.
“We're really going to do this?” Lorelai asked uncertainly.
“Danes family rules, remember?” Luke chided.
“Arrrrgh,” Lorelai groaned. “I know, I know, if it can be done easily, it will not be done easily.”
“You made the rule,” Luke nodded.
“I didn't make it, I just pointed it out,” Lorelai hissed. “Isn't it your turn for that rule to bite YOU in the ass instead of me?”
“Sorry, got a ball in the thigh meat yesterday,” Luke said apologetically. “Your turn. Zip-zap, no tap backs.”
“Unfair,” Lorelai said, shaking her head.
“Them's the rules,” Luke sighed. “Don't hate the player. Hate the game.”
“Holla,” Lorelai muttered.
“Word,” Luke nodded.
Lorelai arched an eyebrow at Luke. “This is getting downright weird. We definitely need sleep.”
“Not looking forward to sleep,” Luke said.
“Why not?” Lorelai queried.
“I'm going to have nightmares about that creepy flute. I haven't thought about that thing in years,” Luke yawned.
“I'm going to have nightmares about Sleestaks. Multiple Sleestaks,” Lorelai sighed.
“Are you going to be okay with this?” Luke asked warily.
Lorelai shrugged. “Yeah. I think I will be. But I need a day or two to freak out. Can you understand that?”
“Understand?” Luke mused. “That depends. Can you give me a couple of days to fantasize about hopping the next freight train that runs past the town?”
“Only if you aren't really considering the option,” Lorelai agreed.
“I'm not,” Luke promised. “I think underneath the sheer panic I'm choking down right now, I'm actually kind of okay with it.”
“Me too,” Lorelai smiled. “I think, even though I'm completely scared right now, I think it's going to be really cool, you know?”
“We're pretty good at this stuff,” Luke nodded. “Ten years ago, I would have laughed in your face if you ever suggested we were going to be in this position today. But now that we're here, I think we may just be able to handle it.”
“You jump, I jump Jack,” Lorelai grinned.
“I've done a lot of jumping over these last few years,” Luke remarked.
“And I'm still keeping up, right?” Lorelai asked.
“You're keeping up just fine,” Luke said.
“Good,” Lorelai smiled, leaning over to give Luke a gentle kiss. “I love you, you big lug.”
“Love you too, Crazy Lady,” Luke grinned, turning off the light on his night stand.
Lorelai rolled over and turned off her own light. She laid back down and snuggled back into Luke as he fidgeted until he found a comfortable angle for his leg. Luke kissed Lorelai's neck and laid his cheek on top of hers.
Lorelai smiled, feeling Luke start his familiar nightly ritual of stroking her belly as he drifted off to sleep. She rubbed her hand across the top of his, sighing as he laced his fingers with hers.
“Twins,” Luke murmured.
“Twins,” Lorelai whispered back. “Crap, huh?”
“Crap, indeed,” Luke chuckled.
Chapter 25: It Takes A Village
Lorelai peered into the pan she was laboring over. “I think I messed it up,” she muttered, wrinkling up her nose.
Luke craned his neck to look into the pan. “How do you mess up stuffing from a box?” he queried. “You just dump the stuffing mix into boiling water.”
“It's very wet,” Lorelai groaned.
“Dirty!” Luke grinned.
“Leave my shtick alone,” Lorelai pouted, looking at the empty stuffing box quizzically.
“Again, I say 'Dirty!',” Luke laughed.
“Why is it so wet?” Lorelai sighed.
“Um, dirt...” Luke began to say. Lorelai cut him off by throwing the turkey baster at him.
“Hey,” Luke frowned. “I needed that.”
“So pick it up,” Lorelai retorted, sticking her tongue out at Luke.
Luke looked at the turkey baster laying on the floor. “How do I do that?”
Lorelai looked at Luke. “You're pathetic.”
“I'm crippled,” Luke shrugged. “Going down is not an option yet.”
“Dirty!” Lorelai crowed happily.
“Walked right into that one,” Luke muttered as he contemplated the out of reach baster. “Can you reach it?”
Lorelai walked to where the baster had landed and bent over with effort, reaching for it. “Can't bend anymore,” she grunted. Lorelai grabbed the counter and tried to squat, but was still unable to reach the baster.
“Damn,” Luke sighed. “We're such gimps.” Luke grabbed his cane and limped over next to Lorelai, attempting the same squatting technique she had just used. “Ow,” Luke groaned as he tried to bend down. “Shit, ow,” he mumbled, as he failed to grasp the baster before his left leg began to throb in protest.
“Forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown,” Lorelai sighed. “Graaaaace!” she yelled. “Come help your gimpy Poppy and Mommy, please!” she begged loudly.
Grace strolled into the kitchen, chewing thoughtfully on a lock of her hair. “ Didja drop something again?” she asked knowingly.
Luke smacked Grace's hand away from her mouth. “Stop that. Didn't I tell you about that girl with the thirty pound hairball in her stomach?”
“Uh huh,” Grace nodded. “Neat.”
“Geez,” Luke muttered. “Hand me the baster, will you?”
Grace bent over and picked up the cooking implement, handing it to Luke. “I'm hungry,” she whined.
“Tell your mother to stop throwing things on the floor, then,” Luke replied. “She's slowing down the process.”
“Time for potatoes?” Grace asked hopefully.
“Come on,” Luke nodded. “I was saving them for you.”
Grace ran and grabbed a chair, pulling it back to the counter as Luke prepared the boiled potatoes to be mashed. Grace climbed up and stood in the chair, waiting for her cue.
Luke handed Grace the masher. “Be careful,” he warned. “These are really hot.”
“Uh huh,” Grace nodded and began to attack the potatoes with the masher.
Lorelai scooped the soggy stuffing into a foil pan. “Think I can repair this in the oven?” she asked Luke.
Luke looked over his shoulder and nodded. “Stick it in for a few minutes. It'll dry up a bit.”
Lorelai put the stuffing in the oven and moved to the kitchen table, sinking down into a chair. “I sure miss the days when you just served Thanksgiving at the diner. I liked showing up and eating so much better.”
“Sorry,” Luke shrugged. “Can't feed the family and the entire town at the same time.”
“This good Poppy?” Grace grunted, mashing with less gusto and more effort now.
“Good?” Luke scowled. “We want mashed potatoes, not chunky potato goo. You're a lousy cook.”
“Not cooking,” Grace retorted. “I'm mushing.”
“Semantics,” Luke growled.
“Huh?” Grace asked.
“Po-tay-to, po-tah-to, to-may-to, to-mah-to,” Luke explained.
“Tomatoes?” Grace asked. “In the potatoes?”
“No,” Luke laughed. “Never mind, let's get the blender cranking and whip these bad boys up.”
“I'm going to go out and make sure the troops are entertained,” Lorelai smiled. “You two have everything under control out here?”
“Under control,” Luke nodded, plugging in the blender.
Lorelai wandered into the living room to join their guests as Luke and Grace finished up the mashed potatoes.
“Let's get this stuff to the table,” Luke instructed as Grace returned the chair to its former resting place.
“I'll help,” Grace said, hopping back to Luke's side as he pulled a dish of already carved turkey from the still warm oven. He sat the plate on the stove top and grabbed a pile of pot holders from the counter.
“Okay, take this over,” Luke murmured, handing Grace a bowl of cranberry sauce. They set all the food out on the table, Luke hovering watchfully as Grace handled the smaller bowls of hot food.
“Order up!” Luke yelled as Grace plopped the final bit of food, a basket of rolls, on the table.
“Turkey up!” Grace emphasized loudly.
The gathered family entered the kitchen, marveling at the spread of food Luke, Lorelai and Grace had prepared. April and Rory had both made it home for the holiday, and Emily and Richard had joined the family in Stars Hollow for the meal.
“The food looks delicious,” Emily noted politely as she filled her plate.
“Yes,” Richard nodded. “You've outdone yourselves.”
“Rumor has it Mom made the stuffing,” Rory warned.
“Oh dear,” Emily replied, poking warily at the stuffing on her plate.
“Watch it,” Lorelai grumped. “It was just a little clumpy, that's all.”
“I like clumpy stuffing,” April said, trying to help.
“You're sweet,” Lorelai smiled. “A dirty liar, but still sweet.”
The family ate their meal, chattering happily throughout. Grace and Xander sat at Grace's play table that Lorelai had pulled into the kitchen, fighting only in brief spurts over who had the bigger roll, or who was going to get the first piece of pie.
“Keep it up you two, and you're both going to get a big plate of nothing for dessert,” Luke grunted, pushing away his empty plate.
“Yeah,” Lorelai nodded. “Don't make your father turn this car around.”
“That was awesome, Dad,” April grinned, slumping contentedly back into her chair.
“The stuffing was actually pretty decent, too,” Rory giggled.
“Told you it was fine,” Lorelai pouted.
“It was all excellent,” Richard agreed. “The turkey was absolute perfection.”
“Very moist,” Emily agreed.
“I'm glad everyone is here,” Lorelai smiled, looking at Luke knowingly.
“Hard to get us all in one room anymore,” Rory sighed.
“Or even on the same coast at the same time,” April pointed out.
“Well, since you're all here,” Luke said, clearing his throat. “We kind of have something we wanted to tell you.”
“Oh, my god, you're pregnant!” April gasped dramatically.
“We already knew that,” Rory explained.
“Oh, right,” April laughed. “So, what then?”
“Closing the inn and the diner and joining the Ice Capades?” Rory queried.
“You're being ridiculous,” Emily sighed. “What did you want to tell us, Luke?”
“Well, April was a lot more on topic than she thought,” Luke smiled.
“It's about the whole baby thing,” Lorelai continued. “Turns out, um, well...we're having twins,” she said with a wide grin.
“Twins?” Rory repeated, mouth agape.
“Twins?” April gasped.
“Twins,” Luke nodded.
“Twins,” Emily muttered in shock.
“Two babies?” Richard asked.
“Yep, two of them,” Lorelai smiled.
“One, two, ah ah ah,” Xander chimed in, doing his best impression of the Count from Sesame Street.
“Two stinky babies,” Grace huffed, still not pleased with concept of more competition.
“Buffy and Willow!” Rory squealed, leaping up to hug Lorelai.
“No!” Luke growled. “No more Buffy!”
“Wow,” April said, stunned. “The Zero Population Growth people are going to come after you two with pitchforks and torches.”
“Are you two prepared for this?” Richard asked, concerned.
“Two babies,” Emily whispered, still shocked.
“Absolutely not prepared,” Lorelai admitted.
“She freaked out,” Luke tattled.
“He tried to jump a freight train,” Lorelai shot back.
“I know Hillary said it takes a village, but I think you guys got the meaning all wrong,” April said gleefully. “You're not supposed to make your own village.”
“Where are you going to put them?” Emily asked.
Lorelai sighed. “Well, we are going to have to combine Rory and April into one room, if you two don't mind,” she said apologetically.
“No problem,” Rory smiled.
“Yeah, that's fine,” April agreed. “We're not here that often together, and besides, Rory's more tolerable since she started using soap.”
“You suck,” Rory sulked.
“The grown up kiddies fight worse than the short kiddies,” Luke sighed.
“Nuh uh,” Rory replied, sticking her tongue out at Luke.
“At any rate,” Lorelai said, “We've got it worked out for now. Besides the babies will probably share a bedroom for a while.”
“We're still gonna need a bigger boat,” Luke admitted.
“Well, the offer of a new house still stands,” Richard remarked.
Luke shook his head forcefully. “I appreciate it, Richard, but you know I can't do that.”
“Stubborn,” Emily sighed.
“Don't I know it,” Lorelai smiled. “Luke just wants to take care of his 'princess' all on his own. Don't you honey?” Lorelai asked innocently.
“Never gonna let me live that one down, are you?” Luke mumbled under his breath.
“Live what down?” Rory asked.
“Nothing, Sweets,” Lorelai laughed. “Inside joke.”
“Knock knock,” Xander muttered, poking at the leftover food on his plate..
“Who's there?” Grace asked, perking up at any topic that didn't include babies.
“Knock knock,” Xander sighed.
“Who's there?” Grace asked, rolling her eyes. She already knew this one.
“Dunno,” Xander shrugged. “Knock knock.”
“You're dumb,” Grace moaned.
“Watch it,” Luke warned.
“He doesn't know how to tell jokes,” Grace explained impatiently.
“Then why did you even bite?” Luke retorted.
“Can I bite him?” Grace asked hopefully.
“Go away,” Luke moaned. “Leave my sight. I'm disowning you.”
“Kay,” Grace giggled, getting up and running into the living room.
“Me go too?” Xander asked.
“Great grammar, kid,” Luke sighed. “May I go, too?” he corrected.
“Uh huh,” Xander replied, jumping up and grabbing Luke's hand.
“Rocket scientists, the both of them,” Lorelai laughed as Luke stood up, Xander tugging at his arm.
“You're really going to have two of these nutcases at the same time?” Rory marveled.
“Apparently,” Luke grinned, following Xander out into the living room.
“Twins,” Emily said again, shaking her head.
“And you're both all right with this?” Richard asked.
Lorelai nodded. “We're okay, at least now we are. It was a bit scary at first.”
“Why did it take them so long to realize this?” Emily wondered. “With all the technology...”
“Well, we've known for a few weeks now,” Lorelai admitted. “But one of the babies is apparently really good at playing hide and seek already.”
“Weeks?” Emily replied. “Why didn't you tell us before?”
“Just making sure everything was okay first,” Lorelai explained. “I'm not exactly a spring chicken here.”
“Understandable,” Emily agreed.
“Two babies,” Richard chuckled. “My lord, what if you have another one after this?”
Lorelai laughed out loud. “Oh no, Dad. This is the end of the road for my uterus. It's hanging up an 'Out Of Order' sign once these two vacate the womb. Luke is going to make a very special doctor appointment very soon.”
“I heard that!” Luke yelled from the living room. “You're not pulling a Jackson on me!”
“You make them, I bake them!” Lorelai yelled back, laughing. “It's only fair!”
“The discussion isn't over yet on that topic!” Luke bellowed.
“All right, Sweetie, calm down!” Lorelai hollered.
“Well, that was interesting,” Richard smiled.
“Wonderful dinner time conversation,” Emily said sarcastically.
“So, Luke is keeping the option for one more open?” Rory teased.
“Oh no,” Lorelai whispered. “He is definitely getting a vasectomy.”
“Maybe if you throw in a new power drill he'll cave,” April pointed out.
“Good idea,” Lorelai mused. “Bert IS getting a little lonely.”
“Two babies,” Rory smiled.
“Two babies,” Lorelai grinned back.
“You two just can't do anything the easy way can you?” Rory said, shaking her head.
“Nope,” Lorelai shrugged with a giggle. “Them's the rules.”
Luke hopped out of his pickup and grabbed a handful of shopping bags from the back, praying he’d picked up everything on Lorelai’s grocery list. He peered into the bag in his left hand as he approached the house. "Chocolate syrup, check. Pringles, check. Black olives, check. Bagel Bites, check. Pears…go figure..check." Luke started to take the first step leading to the porch.
Too late, he noticed a rogue tennis ball sitting in his path. He tried to avoid catastrophe with a step to the left, but his boot came down on the ball, and his ankle twisted hard. "Crap," he yelped. Luke hooked his arm around the railing, and he planted his right foot on the ground to prevent any further injury...at least that was his intention. Unfortunately, that foot landed squarely in the seat of a bright pink Big Wheel parked at the bottom of the steps, and he was spun into an even more painful half-split.
"Crap!" A shopping bag slipped from his grasp and plummeted to the ground. "Son of a bi..."
"Hold it right there, Bucko." Lorelai stepped out onto the porch, and Luke held his tongue. A moment later, Grace slipped out from behind Lorelai.
"Hi, Poppy." Grace, one arm wrapped around her mother’s leg, waved at her father.
"Hey there, kiddo." Luke, still trying to right himself, pressed his lips together to staunch a fresh flow of obscenities. He kicked a smashed pear away and set the surviving groceries on the bottom step.
"Ride my bike?"
"Apparently so." Luke sighed and bent over to pick up the shattered remains of the jar of olives.
"Too big." Grace wobbled down the stairs and crawled into the seat of the Big Wheel.
“Stay away from the glass, little girl.” Lorelai rubbed her rounded belly and descended the stairs, as well. "Need a hand?"
"I got it, I got it." Luke grunted and tossed a smashed pear into the bag.
"You okay, hon?"
He limped up the stairs, wincing when he put weight on the injured ankle. "Yeah, nothing like a good nut-cracking to end the day."
"Poor guy." Lorelai covered her hand with her mouth, but he could still see the corners of her mouth twitch upward. "I warned you that parenting was a full-contact sport. You need me to buy you an athletic cup? How about some shoulder padding?"
"Just lots and lots of Ben-Gay." Luke pulled open the front door. "I'll put up the groceries."
"We'll be waiting," Lorelai lowered herself to the steps, watching Grace putter around on the Big Wheel.
After a few minutes, Luke limped back to the porch, a tube of Ben-Gay in his hand. He sat beside Lorelei and pulled off his shoe and sock
"Hey, Babe," she whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Want me to kiss your boo-boo?"
"Later.” He rotated his ankle and whispered an obscenity under his breath. “Doesn’t have to be my boo-boo you’re kissing, though.”
Lorelai feigned shock. “Pervert.”
"How's the fetus?" Luke squeezed a dollop of Ben-Gay into his palm and rubbed the cream onto his ankle.
"Same old, same old.” Lorelai fidgeted in place. “Kick at inappropriate times, sit on bladder at inappropriate times, jam forehead into Mommy's spine at inappropriate times. You know, the usual."
"Sorry." Luke leaned over until his mouth was just inches from her belly. "Hi, Fetus. Stop head-butting your mom's spine, okay?" He planted a quick kiss on the top of her swollen midsection.
"Stop calling her 'Fetus'. That's just weird.”
"Him. And how is that worse than you calling him ‘Bilbo’ like you did after you found Rory’s old copy of The Hobbit?"
Lorelai ignored his comment and furrowed her brow. "What the heck is your daughter doing?" Grace, a twig in her hand, crawled on all fours under the tree, poking at the ground.
"Why is she my kid when she's doing weird crap like…trying to assault dirt?" Luke looked at the girl when Grace hefted herself to her feet and scurried toward her parents.
"Poppy, come!" Her eyes were wide, and she held her hand out to her father.
"What's your damage, Gracie?" Luke took her tiny hand into his, but stayed in place.
"Over there." Grace pointed to a mound of crab grass beside her trike.
"What's over there?"
Grace tugged harder. "A problem.”
"Go check out the problem, Pops." Lorelai socked Luke in the arm.
"Do I need my toolbox?"
Grace scrunched up her face and placed a finger on her chin. He could practically hear the gears grinding in her head as she contemplated the offer. "No," Grace decided. "A shoe."
"A shoe?"
"Yes. Shoe." She tugged Luke's hand with all of her might, still unable to budge him from his seat.
Luke sighed and reached for his discarded footwear. "All right, let's go scope out your problem." Once he put his sock and shoe back on, he got to his feet. Grace sprinted back across the yard, and squatted beside the Big Wheel. She picked up her twig, and waited for Luke to catch up.
Luke came to a stand-still beside her and folded his arms over his chest. "Okay, now what seems to be the problem? Big Wheel broken?" He gazed down at Grace and waited for further direction.
Grace shook her head. "Down here," she whispered, motioning for Luke to join her on the ground.
Luke groaned and dropped to his knees.
"Closer.”
Luke leaned forward, supporting his weight with his hands. "What am I missing?" Lorelai snorted, and he shot a dark look over his shoulder at his wife.
Grace looked up at Luke, eyes wide. "Bug."
"A bug out here in the yard? Who would have thunk it?" Luke laughed at the furtive expression on the girl’s face as she raked the ground with the twig.
"Big bug.”
"Where is it?" Luke searched for any sign of the elusive insect.
"There!" Grace skittered backwards and threw her twig at the ground when she spotted the intruder.
Luke stifled a laugh. "That's your vicious bug?" he asked as a big black ant crested a long blade of grass.
"Uh-huh." Grace nodded and climbed into the seat of her Big Wheel, putting safe distance between her and the bug.
Luke looked at Grace. "What should I do with it?"
Grace, her legs still a bit too short to reach the pedals on her trike, pulled her feet up in the air. "Steponnit.”
"Squash it?"
"Uh huh." Grace nodded and pointed a finger at the bug. “Squash it good.”
Luke sighed, and got to his feet. With as much dramatic flair as he could muster, he lifted his foot and stomped the ground, grinding into the dirt for emphasis.
Grace clapped her hands in celebration. "Dead bug."
"That is one dead bug," Luke agreed.
"Thank you, Poppy." After ensuring there was no more threat to her safety in the lawn, Grace ran to Luke and threw her arms around his knees.
"At your service, Missy." Luke scooped her up into his arms and slung her over his shoulder.
"More play," Grace pleaded as Luke made his way back to the porch.
"You're dirty," Lorelai said as Luke sat back on the steps next to her. She licked her thumb and ran it over a smudge on the girl’s chin. "You need to wash up before dinner."
"Yeah." Luke said, pinching his nose. "You smell like a pig."
"Oink," Grace muttered, unfazed by her father’s assessment of her hygiene.
"What do you two nutbags want for dinner?" Luke twisted a lock of Grace's hair around his finger as she lounged in his lap.
"Something starchy.” Lorelai stroked her chin. “I cast my vote for starch.”
"Every meal you ever want is starchy." Luke rolled his eyes. "Give me something less vague."
"Busghetti." Grace smiled up at her father, her eyes hopeful.
Lorelai grinned. "I'm with the rugrat. Busghetti would be divine."
Luke sighed in defeat. "One order of busghetti, coming right up." He nudged grace off his knee and stood up, pulling Lorelai up with him.
Lorelai held her hand out to Grace. "Come on, squirt, we'll go toss you in the tub while Poppy fires up the pasta."
Luke took Grace's other hand, and he and Lorelai dangled the little girl in the air as they climbed the steps together. Grace giggled in approval, expertly swinging back in forth between them.
Once inside, Lorelai herded her to the stairs as Luke headed for the kitchen.
"Meatballs?" Luke checked before they disappeared to the second floor.
Lorelai placed her hands on her hips. “Do you even have to ask?”
"Stars," Grace said. “Star meatballs.”
Luke sighed. "You two are a lot of work, you know that?"
Lorelai grinned as she followed Grace up the stairs. "Yeah, we know, and you love it."
Luke readjusted his hat and continued on into the kitchen. "You're ruining my street cred," he shot over his shoulder, already trying to figure out the mechanics of star-shaped meatballs. “Whipped," he muttered, and pulled out the pots and pans necessary for meal preparation. "That's the real word on the street, lately.” He was perfectly at ease with that consensus, too, though he’d never admit it out loud. He unearthed a star-shaped cookie cutter from a drawer and grunted his approval.
Chapter 2: To Grandmother's House We Go
Lorelai and Luke stood at the door of the elder Gilmores' residence. Luke held Grace under the armpits, his arms outstretched as Lorelai maniacally straightened, fluffed, and dusted the child off. Grace patiently chewed on her sweater sleeve, well-accustomed to the weekly ritual of her parents trying to repair whatever damage she had managed to inflict on her Friday Night Dinner outfits during the car ride from Stars Hollow. This week, Grace had somehow secreted a stash of cheesy Goldfish crackers into her pockets, and was now coated from head to toe in orange dust. She had also quietly decided to relieve herself of one leg of the white tights she was supposed to be wearing underneath the pretty blue dress Lorelai had picked out.
"You're a disgrace, Grace." Lorelai twisted the waist of the tights and attacked Grace's face with a wet wipe to remove the neon orange glaze drying around the child's mouth.
"I'm meshy." Grace took the wet wipe from her mother and dabbed at her forehead.
Luke rolled his eyes when Lorelai shot a glare his way. "Your daughter," he said.
Lorelai scowled. "We can go get a blood test right now, Mister. I can prove that you're at least fifty percent responsible for this."
"I don't eat Goldfish.”
"No, but you're weird," Lorelai said, fighting to squeeze Grace’s feet back into her patent leather shoes. "And Grace is definitely weird."
"She's not weird, she's special.”
"Special Ed, a lot of times." Lorelai feigned horror at her own words.
Luke glared at Lorelai and pulled Grace tightly against his chest. "Nice attitude, Joan Crawford."
Lorelai raised her hands defensively. "I'm just saying the child is definitely not...like other people. You were right there beside me last week when she walked into the wall...a wall that has been there since long before she was even conceived."
"She was distracted." Luke opened his mouth when Grace shoved a Goldfish cracker against his lips.
"She apologized to the wall.”
"She's polite," Luke said.
"And you just ate a Goldfish cracker without even considering where in the heck she may have had it stashed all this time."
Luke swallowed hard as a grimace formed on his face. "Gross," he said. "You are weird, Shrimp."
Grace laughed and pulled another cracker out of her sweater sleeve. "Here, Mommy," she said, and passed the soggy treat to Lorelai.
"Thanks, Angel." She rang the doorbell, discreetly dropped the cracker into the planter, and pretended to pop it in her mouth. "Mmmm," Lorelai intoned, rubbing her very round middle.
"Good fishies," Grace said.
The door opened, and Emily appeared in the entrance. Her eyes brightened when she saw Grace. "Well, hello there," she said, immediately reaching out to smooth the child’s dress. "Hello, Grace."
"Grammy!" Grace lunged at her grandmother. Luke stumbled toward Emily, trying to keep the girl from jumping right out of his arms.
"Jeez, Gracie, calm down." Luke chuckled.
Emily took Grace and stepped aside. "Well, don't just stand there. Come in, come in," Emily said to Luke and Lorelai as she carried the little girl inside.
"Hi, Mom." Lorelai threw her hands up in exasperation as Emily walked away from them, already deep in conversation with her granddaughter.
""How's my little princess?" Emily tried to smooth the wild curls atop Grace's head. "Do you ever brush her hair, Lorelai?" she asked.
Lorelai groaned. "It's hopeless, Mom. We've tried everything. Mousse, gel, spackling. Nothing tames the 'fro this child is cursed with."
Emily sighed and lowered herself into a chair, with Grace in her lap. "Well, I suppose I understand. Your hair was unmanageable as a child. Perhaps it will improve as she grows. Her hair is still rather fine at this point.” Emily smiled. "So soft and shiny. What I wouldn't give to be able to command my stylist to give me this texture."
Grace hitched up her dress and pulled a Goldfish out of her tights. "Fishie, Grammy."
Emily pressed her lips together in a thin line, but she accepted her gift without reproach. "Why thank you, Grace. Will you mind terribly if I save it until after we eat dinner?" Grace nodded and allowed her grandmother to lower the hem of her dress over her knees. "And what did you do this week, young lady? Do you have any stories you would like to tell your Grammy?" Emily pulled Grace's sleeves down to the child's wrists and smoothed the rumpled material of her dress.
"Uh huh." Grace twisted around in place and laid a finger on a gold pin that Emily had attached to her blouse.
"Tell Grammy." Emily lowered her head and straightened Grace's tights.
Lorelai nudged Luke, trying not to laugh at Emily's subversive assault on Grace's attire.
"I saw a duck," Grace said. "Ducks say 'Quack, quack.' And I had pizza.”
"That sounds delicious," Emily said.
"I bumped my head.” The little girl touched her forehead, where a faint bruise still lingered after her ill-fated tango with the wall at home.
“I’m sorry.” Emily frowned. "That must have been quite painful."
"Uh huh.” She cocked her head to the side. "I played with Apey."
"Apey?" Emily glanced at Lorelai and Luke for help in deciphering her granddaughter’s words.
"April called,” Lorelai said. “Every time Grace speaks to April on the phone, she's convinced that they had a play date.”
Richard strolled into the room and greeted the group. "I thought I heard voices in here. I apologize, I was on the phone with a colleague, and ending the conversation was a bit difficult.” His eyes dropped to his pregnant daughter’s belly. "Well, look at you," he said. "You’re glowing."
"Aw," Lorelai said, and waved her hand dismissively. "It's just the buckets of oil my pores are excreting with all the excess hormones," she said. "I'm thinking of buying stock in ProActiv."
"I see. " Richard cleared his throat and redirected his attention. “And there's Miss Grace. How is my pretty girl?”
"Hi, Gramp." Grace touched her forehead again. "I bumped my head.”
"I'm sorry to hear that,” Richard gave her tiny shoulder a sympathetic pat.
The Gilmores’ maid, a new face on the staff, slipped into the room. "Dinner is served," she informed the gathered family. Emily and Richard lead the way to the dining room, enraptured by Grace's cheerful babbling. Luke guided Lorelai off the couch and wrapped his arm around her, falling into step with her pregnancy-slowed pace.
"Who would have thought it," Lorelai whispered to Luke. "Grace and my mother, thick as thieves."
Luke smiled. "It's a stumper," he agreed. "I figured it would be Richard, considering how tight he is with Rory, but the kid is definitely playing favorites towards her Grammy."
"I blame it on solar flares," Lorelai said. "There's no earthly logic to Emily Gilmore melting like hot butter when she's around this girl. Grace is simply too disheveled to relate to Mom. Maybe it’s global warming…or aliens. Aliens have kidnapped my mother and left a clone in her place."
“Don’t question it.” Luke pressed a kiss to Lorelai’s temple. "Just be happy your parents didn't disown you for reproducing with a lowly diner guy."
Luke and Lorelai entered the dining room. Richard and Emily were already seated, patiently waiting for the pair to catch up. Grace was in her own chair, aided in height by a booster seat. She munched quietly on a roll.
"It appears that Grace is hungry," Richard informed them, watching with interest as Grace shoved an large hunk of bread into her mouth.
"Bottomless pit, just like her mother." Luke shook his head and held out a chair for his wife.
"So what's on the menu," Lorelai asked. She shook out a napkin and laid it across her lap. "I'm famished, too."
Emily smiled. "Apricot chicken with a lovely vegetable medley that I picked out myself at an organic farmers' market, and for dessert, a lemon tart that is to die for.”
"Perfect," Lorelai said. "And for Gracie?" She laughed, knowing that her daughter would be reaching for Goldfish crumbs after taking one look at that sort of dish.
"Macaroni and cheese, with a cherry Italian Ice for dessert." Emily rolled her eyes. She’d learned her lesson regarding her granddaughter's food preferences long ago.
"Wow, I'm really impressed, Mom," Lorelai said. "Gracie must really have you wrapped if you're actually conceding to her all-noodles-all-the-time diet."
Emily grimaced. "I give up. It's absolutely appalling, her eating habits. The last time I tried to serve her something of substance, she stuffed cottage cheese in her ears."
"Again, I say, just like her mother," Luke muttered.
The meal continued without incident— no arguments, little tension, and only minimal cheese damage to Grace's dress. After dessert, the family returned to the sitting room, chatting pleasantly and watching as Grace attacked a coloring book with oversized crayons.
" Lorelai, how much longer until your due date?" Emily asked.
"Due date is still July 18th." Lorelai sighed, trying to not be annoyed by the fact that Emily asked the same question every Friday. "That makes it about 9 more weeks to go."
"Is your back still bothering you?" Richard asked.
"Only when I breathe.”
"Luke, you should be giving her back rubs as often as possible," Emily said. "I had such terrific back pain when I was carrying Lorelai."
"I am, I swear," Luke said. "Foot rubs, too."
"Stinky feet," Grace muttered, flipping a page in her coloring book.
"Watch it, traitor." Lorelai nudged Grace’s leg with her foot.
"Stoppit." Grace waved a crayon at her mother and giggled.
"Are you excited about being a big sister, Grace?" Richard asked.
"Mommy has a baby in her tummy.”
"Yes, she does," Richard said.
"Baby kicks.” Grace stood up and jutted out her stomach as far as she could. “Baby kicks Mommy’s belly button.”
"Really hard," Lorelai said. She arched an eyebrow when Luke rubbed her stomach in commiseration. "Watch it, Bub, it's your fault I'm in this shape.”
"Lorelai," Emily said, her voice full of warning.
"Well, it is his fault.”
"I'm very sorry," Luke said. "I really, really am."
Grace yawned and wandered over to Luke. "Poppy, up," she mumbled, rubbing her eyes.
"As you wish," Luke whispered, pulling Grace into his lap.
"We probably should get going soon," Lorelai said. "The rugrat is going downhill fast," she noted, when Grace yawned again and snuggled up under her father’s chin.
"Sleepy, monkey?" Luke wrapped the blanket around the little girl. Grace nodded, poking her thumb into her mouth.
"Poppy sing," she mumbled.
Luke rolled his eyes, embarrassed, and stood up. "We'll be back in a minute," he said as he carried Grace out onto the patio.
Lorelai smiled. "He hates singing," she said to her parents.
"Grace apparently doesn't mind," Richard remarked.
"He's very good with her, isn't he?" Emily watched Luke pace across the patio, trying to keep the impromptu lullaby inaudible to intruding ears.
"Yeah," Lorelai said. "Gracie is definitely a Daddy's Girl. Or a Poppy's Girl."
"And this one?" Emily asked, regarding Lorelai's waistline.
"I've got dibs," Lorelai said. "But I'm sure I'll still be in for some stiff competition."
"I have a feeling you're right," Emily said, a hint of approval in her voice.
Chapter 3: It Was A Dark And Stormy Night...
Lorelai peered out of the window at the clouds building in the nighttime sky. Thunder rumbled in the distance, and the trees swayed in the ever-building breeze. A drop of rain splattered on the pane of glass. "Looks like we're going to get one heck of a storm tonight." She closed the curtains and made her way toward the bed.
Luke lowered the newspaper he was reading. "The weather reports have been calling for it all day. Good thing Rory got in before the weather turned."
"Yeah." Lorelai smiled. "It's so good to have her back under the roof, even if it's for just a couple of weeks. I'm tempted to go down and just watch her sleep. How silly is that?"
"Not so silly.”
"I'd do it too, if I wasn't so unsure of my ability to make it back up the stairs without you pushing me from behind." Lorelai groaned, trying to find a comfortable position.
"Probably for the best," Luke said. "Between helping you out of the bathtub, the car, off the couch, up the stairs and out of bed, I'm going to need long-term chiropractic care."
"Watch it.”
A gust of wind blasted the house, rattling the window in its frame. Thunder rumbled again, louder this time, and a flash of lightning lit up the window.
"Eek." Lorelai tugged the comforter up over her pregnant belly. "This weather is fit for neither man nor beast."
Luke gazed at Lorelai warily. "You're not planning to go into labor in the middle of the big, messy, severe thunderstorm we're about to get hit with are you?" he asked. "I think you owe me a break after going into labor with Gracie when I was across town with my cell phone turned off during the big, messy blizzard."
"Don't worry, Babe, not so much as a twinge happening right now." Raindrops from the encroaching storm began a steady pitter-patter on the roof overhead.
"Good." Luke sunk back into his pillow and tossed the newspaper onto the nightstand. "Not emotionally prepared for drama tonight."
"Poor baby." Lorelai trailed a finger over his chest. "Rough day in the pits?"
"The bread guy sucked, the customers sucked, traffic to and from the airport sucked, and Gracie dropping a brick on my foot REALLY sucked," Luke said. "Don't know where she found the brick, don't know why she had the brick, still haven't figured out what she intended to do with the brick, but somehow, dropping it on my foot was the only logical outcome of the situation."
"Want me to kiss it and make it better?"
"My foot?"
"Anything," Lorelai said. Her hand drifted from his chest down toward his abdomen.
"A kiss might make it better. Maybe," he said, trying to work up the most pitiful expression possible on his face.
"So pathetic." Lorelai laughed as Luke leaned over her. Luke kissed Lorelai's lips, lightly at first, deepening the kiss as she played with the curls that rested on his neck. Lorelai moaned softly when he let his hands wander, gently rubbing her rounded belly lovingly then working upward, grazing the underside of her breast with a thumb.
"Mmm," Lorelai intoned. Thunder clapped loudly overhead, and she stifled a shriek.
"Keep your eyes closed, I'll keep your mind off the storm," he murmured, and moved his mouth to her neck. He nuzzled the flesh beneath her ear with his nose and began tracing lazy circles with the tip of his tongue.
"How are you going to do that?" She asked as he dipped his hand beneath the comforter and sought out the soft skin of her thighs.
Luke nipped at Lorelai's clavicle. "I have one or two tricks up my sleeve," he said, his hand gently spreading her legs beneath the comforter.
Lorelai giggled. "You'd better have a couple of good tricks. I'm not exactly in prime hot, nasty sex mode here."
Luke shook his head. "Never looked hotter to me," he said. "We haven't had a problem working around the fetus so far..." His fingers grazed the waistline of her panties and she let out a soft gasp.
Lorelai reached her hands up to Luke's head, pulling him into a deep kiss. She parted his lips with her tongue, plunging it into his mouth as Luke moaned deeply and began to slide his hand into her panties.
"Oh, boy," Lorelai whispered, "The worst thing is, I actually believe you when you act like making love to your wide-load, so-pregnant-she-could-drop-at-any-time wife is appealing to you."
"Very appealing," Luke said. His breath blew across her ear, eliciting a shiver. "Very, very appealing."
Suddenly, a deafening clap of thunder sounded out, so loud that the house vibrated. Lightning forked brightly overhead, bringing another sharp crack of thunder right behind. The lights flickered, and the wind howled through the trees surrounding the house.
"Wow," Lorelai said. “Close.”
Luke looked over his shoulder at the window. "Yeah, storm's starting to get frisky out there."
"Lots of frisky going around tonight.”
Luke grinned and leaned toward Lorelai, about to kiss her again when the bedroom door flew open.
Lorelai smacked Luke's wandering hand away and struggled to sit up. "Gracie?" she asked, regarding the wide-eyed girl in the doorway.
"Storm!" Lightning flashed again, and the little girl stood frozen in the doorway until the next thunderclap shook the house.
Luke sat up. "C'mere, kid." Grace covered her ears and raced toward the bed. Luke scooped Grace up and deposited her in between him and Lorelai.
"So much for the frisky." Lorelai sighed as Grace burrowed underneath the comforter.
"You're going to suffocate under there, Gracie." deflected a kick that almost caught him in a very painful location.
"Loud storm," Grace said from underneath the comforter.
"It's okay." Lorelai patted the covered up lump in the middle of the bed. "Storms are just what happen when the angels bowl, remember?"
"Bowling," Grace's muffled voice replied uncertainly. Suddenly she poked her head out from under the comforter, gasping for air. "Bunbun!"
"What about Bunbun?"
"Bunbun hates storms too." Grace, tears swimming in her eyes, sniffled.
"And where is Bunbun?" Lorelai laughed when she saw Luke begin to climb out of bed.
"Playhouse." Tears began to flow down her cheeks. "Bunbun's all alone.”
"Oh, Lord.” Luke bent over and pulled his bedroom slippers out from under the edge of the bed.
Lorelai ran a hand over Grace’s hair. "Bunnies are okay with storms, Gracie. I think Bunbun will be perfectly fine as long as he's safe and dry in the playhouse."
"No!" Grace let out a mournful sob. "Bunbun scared!"
Luke scowled at Lorelai. "I guess I'm going to go rescue Bunbun.”
Lorelai shot Luke a sympathetic smile as she cradled the sobbing girl. "I think she's projecting, not being bratty," she whispered.
"I know." Luke shook his head and pulled a flashlight from the nightstand drawer. "Life would be so much easier if she was just a brat."
"Don't get struck by lightning.”
"I'll do my best to avoid it," Luke replied and disappeared down the steps.
"It's okay, Sweets. Poppy's going to find Bunbun." Lorelai gave the little girl a reassuring hug.
"Bunbun will get drown-ded." Her chest hitched as she tried to gulp air in between sobs.
"No, he won't," Lorelai said. "Poppy would never let Bunbun drown. Poppy always saves the day, remember?"
"Poor Bunbun." Grace whimpered, watching the doorway for any sign of Luke or a stuffed bunny.
Lorelai and Grace both sat upright when they heard the back door slam, and waited with baited breath while Luke stomp up the stairs. He appeared in the doorway, hair plastered to his head, barefoot, bunny in hand, and no longer wearing his pajama bottoms. Lorelai looked quizzically at Luke's boxers, then his bare feet. Luke wiped rain from his face and held the bunny out to Grace.
Grace clapped her hands and reached for her bunny. "Bunbun!" she cried. "Poppy got Bunbun!"
"Should I even ask?" She tried to stifle a laugh as Luke rooted in a drawer for a fresh pair of pajamas.
"Forgot about the blow-up pool," Luke muttered. "Draw your own conclusions."
Luke slipped into a dry pair of pants, attacked his damp hair with a towel, and climbed back into bed, watching Grace hug Bunbun with all of her might. "Happy, now, you goof?"
"Happy," Grace said, and snuggled up to her father. "Poppy got Bunbun."
"And don't you forget it." He switched off the light on the nightstand and tucked the comforter around Grace.
"All right, you two." Lorelai yawned and reached for the light on her side of the bed. "Night night time. Is Bunbun all settled in?"
Grace nodded and pulled her bunny to her chest when another growl of thunder rolled overhead.
Lorelai turned off the light. "Good night, kiddo. Night, Hero.”
"Night, crazy ladies," Luke mumbled, situating himself in his compromised sleep space. Lightning flashed brightly, illuminating the room in bursts of blue light. Grace gasped and clutched for Luke's hand.
"Poppy hide," she whispered.
Luke sighed and covered Grace's eyes with his hand. "All hidden?"
Grace nodded. "All hided."
"Good," Luke muttered. "Now say goodnight, Gracie."
"Night, Gracie," the girl said from under Luke's hand.
Lorelai chuckled. "Never a dull moment in this house.”
"Nope," Luke said. "And it's about to get a whole lot crazier."
"Complaining?" Lorelai shifted under the comforter and reached over Grace to lay her hand on his shoulder.
"Aside from bricks, bunnies, and blow-up pools?"
"Besides that.”
"Nah." Luke yawned. "Besides all that, no complaints come to mind."
"I love you, you big lug.”
Luke grunted and rolled onto his side. "Love you too, pregnant lady."
Chapter 4: Into the Woods
Luke yawned and stretched, wincing at the loud pops that emitted from his spine. His bleary eyes swept over the living room. For a moment, he had no idea why or how he’d left the bedroom. "Jeez," he muttered, and sat up in the armchair. Once he looked at the couch, he recalled the night’s events after the storm had waned. He got to his feet and leaned over Grace, who slept fitfully on the couch. Luke felt her forehead, concerned by the warmth radiating from her body.
"How's Gracie?" Rory stumbled into the living room, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Officially sick, or just way too many french fries and lightning bolts last night?'
Luke readjusted the sheet that covered the sleeping girl. "I think she's legitimately sick. Must be a virus." He frowned when Grace emitted a wet, congested cough. "I'm sorry if we woke you."
"That's okay," Rory said. "Nothing says homecoming like the distant sounds of retching in the wee hours of the morning."
Luke offered her a sheepish grin. "I had to bring her down here. One bout of puking from the kid would send Lorelai's gag-reflex over the edge, and I'd have to deal with chain-reaction projectile vomiting. Wouldn't be pretty."
"No," Rory said, wrinkling her nose in disgust. "Pregnancy seems to have affected Mom's iron stomach."
"That it has." Luke looked up to see Lorelai shuffling down the stairs, hand wedged into the small of her back as she struggled with the added weight of her nearly full-term pregnancy. Rory waved to her mother, and went out into the kitchen to check the pot of brewing coffee.
"What are you doing down here?" Lorelai waddled into the living room. "Why is Gracie on the couch?"
"She started feeling yucky a couple of hours ago," Luke said. "Sick to her belly, coughing a little. She has a low-grade fever."
"Oh no," Lorelai murmured, and laid a hand on Grace's forehead. "When was the last time you checked her temperature?"
"About a half hour ago," Luke said. "I've given her Ginger Ale to calm her stomach, and she's been chewing ice cubes when she's awake, so she's getting hydration."
"Good." Lorelai stroked Grace's feverish cheek. "Hey, why don't you go catch some Z's, Rory and I will stand watch."
"No good." Luke shook his head. "Gotta get to the diner for a little while. Lane's off this morning, and I have no coverage until she takes the three o'clock shift."
"Oh boy." Lorelai groaned. "You should have woken me up last night. You're going to be dead tired."
"I'll survive," Luke said. "I'm going to head out, if you don't mind. Caesar's probably going insane. I'll check in hourly."
"We'll be fine. I'll call you if she gets any worse. You worry about the diner."
Luke fussed with the bed sheet covering the little girl. "We should get her to the doctor, right? If you can get an appointment in the afternoon, I can swing by and pick her up."
"I can drive them to an appointment," Rory said, returning from the kitchen with two cups of coffee. “Might need to borrow a winch to get Mom out of the car, however."
"Hey."
"I'm just saying." Rory handed her a cup of coffee and smirked.
Luke bent over and kissed Grace's forehead, ruffling her curly locks. "Okay, then I'll take off. Call me if you need anything." Luke kissed Lorelai and headed to the door.
The diner was full when Luke arrived, and he jumped into the rush, trying to give Caesar a break. He was able to break away long enough to call Lorelai to check on their daughter at nine o'clock. Grace was still coughing, feverish, and getting sick to her stomach. Lorelai assured Luke that she and Rory were doing fine with Grace, and they’d made an appointment with the pediatrician at eleven. Luke reluctantly hung up and was soon scurrying around the diner, taking orders and trying to assist Caesar in the back to get the food flowing. The phone rang at 10:15, and Luke answered.
"Luke's," he barked impatiently, pouring a cup of coffee for a customer at the counter at the same time.
"Luke?" Rory said on the other end of the connection. "Listen, Mom said to tell you first thing—do not panic.”
"What's wrong?" Luke’s voice raised an octave, and a coil of fear tightened in his gut. "Is Gracie okay? Christ, Lorelai didn't go into labor, did she?"
"We're at the hospital.”
"Jeez. She went into labor. I'll be right there." Luke spun around to hang up the phone.
"No, wait. Luke?”
Luke returned the phone to his ear. "What?" he asked. "What the hell is going on?"
"We had to bring Gracie to the hospital," Rory said. "Her fever shot up, and she was really puking, and then, well, there were issues in the diaper category, and she was so lethargic…so Mom just grabbed Gracie and we came here.”
"God," Luke said. He glanced down at his trembling hand.
"She's okay, Luke," Rory said. "They're doing a chest x-ray right now. They think she has pneumonia, but she's not in any danger. The doctor said he is not overly-concerned at this point."
"Easy for him to say," Luke growled. He grabbed his keys out from under the cash register. "I'll be there as soon as possible."
"Okay. Just take it easy. We're not panicking, remember?" Rory asked. "Do not break any laws to get here. Mom will kill me if you go crazy over this and come into the emergency room with both guns blazing. Take a deep breath, count to ten, and then come. Promise you'll do that?"
"Promise.” He slammed the phone back onto its cradle, too upset to bother with the formalities of goodbyes. "Caesar—emergency—I'm out of here!" Luke turned to address the diner patrons. "Finish up your food, and the last one out locks up. Lunch is on the house." Luke spun on his heels and sped toward the door, flipping the sign in the window to closed and running to the truck. He broke several laws on his way to the hospital, but only had to avoid one near-collision due to his reckless speeding. He pulled into the emergency room parking area, tires squealing, and ran into the lobby.
Luke stomped up to the registration desk. "Danes," he said. "Grace Danes, she's little, she's a baby, she's sick, where is she?"
"Your name, sir?" The nurse asked, her eyes narrowed.
"Luke Danes, I'm the father." He drummed his hands on the counter.
"Let me check the computer," the nurse said, typing slowly.
"Luke!" Rory rounded a corner into the emergency room waiting area. "I knew you'd drive like a maniac. Come on, they're on the third floor."
Luke fell into step behind Rory, as she led him to the elevators. "How is she? How's your Mom? Is everything okay? Did she come back from the chest x-ray yet? Is she awake? Is she really bad? Does she have pneumonia? Does she have to stay?"
"Breathe,” Rory said. She gave his arm a squeeze. “She's back. She has pneumonia. Yes, she has to stay, but the doctors say she will be just fine. You need to calm down. Relax.”
They entered an open elevator car, and Luke slumped on the railing, scrubbing his face with his hand. "Relax. Right. My kid is in the hospital, and I need to relax about that.”
Rory reached out and rubbed Luke's shoulder. "I know, it sucks, but Mom is doing okay, and I use her as my thermometer for this kind of situation. If she isn't climbing the walls, then it's not as bad as it feels, okay? Mom is upset, but she's got it under control."
The elevator doors opened, and Rory led Luke to Grace's room. He crept toward the little girl’s bed, swallowing hard as he inspected the wires and tubes attached to her, and the monitors tracking her heart rate and respiration. "Aw, Gracie.”
"Hey, Babe," Lorelai whispered from the chair in the corner of the room. Luke walked over to Lorelai, trying to keep his panic in check.
"How bad?" He dropped to his knees beside his wife and grasped her knees.
Lorelai smiled and stroked Luke's cheek. "It's okay, Babe. I know it looks awful, but they're giving her antibiotics and fluids, and that tubing by her nose is just oxygen so she can breathe easier and rest. I think she's just hopped up on Children's Tylenol. Nothing hard-core. She's got bacterial pneumonia, but the doctor assured us that he has no serious concerns."
Luke groaned and rested his forehead lightly on Lorelai's belly. "Are you okay? Is the baby okay?"
"We're okay.”
"How can you be so calm?"
"I have to be," Lorelai whispered, her hand moving to her belly. "Can't flip out, the fetus wouldn't like that."
Luke placed his hand on top of Lorelai's. "Okay," he said. "You stay calm, and take care of the fetus. Gracie will be okay, right?"
"She's one tough cookie, that girl.”.
Luke stood up. "Need anything? Coffee? Food? Anything?"
"Wow." Lorelai smiled shakily. "You're willing to give me coffee without a fight."
"You're catching me with my guard down." Luke readjusted his baseball cap and shot a worried look over his shoulder at the sleeping child.
"Go see your girl," Lorelai said. "Rory? Think you could get me some coffee, and find Luke some tea?"
"Sure thing.”
Luke pulled a chair up to the side of Grace's bed. "Hi, baby girl," he said, fingering a lock of Grace's hair. "So, look at you, causing a ruckus again." Luke heard a wheezing sound and Grace breathed laboriously. "Aw, crap," he choked out as he felt tears sting his eyes.
Lorelai stood up and walked over to Luke. "It's okay, Babe," she said, stroking Luke's back as he laid his head on the bed, staring up at Grace. "She's going to be okay."
Grace stirred and looked at Luke, glassy-eyed. "Poppy," she whispered.
"It's okay, Baby, Poppy's here." Luke stuck his finger into the little girl's fist and gave it a gentle shake.
"Where's Bunbun?"
"Uh, Bunbun's on his way. He'll be here really soon." Luke shot a helpless look at Lorelai, who pulled her cellphone out of her pocket and dialed a number as she left the room, presumably to organize a Bunbun retrieval party.
"Bunbun's tummy hurts," Grace said.
"I know.” Luke pushed a sweaty lock of hair from her forehead. "But we're going to make Bunbun's tummyache go away.”
Grace nodded, her eyelids growing heavy. "Kiss boo-boo Poppy.”
Luke leaned over and kissed Grace's belly. "Better?"
Grace yawned and drifted back to sleep, and he sighed miserably. "Pneumonia sucks.”
"Well, Bunbun is on the way," Lorelai assured Luke as she lowered herself back into her chair with great effort. "Sookie is on her way, bunny in tow. Grammy and Gramp will also be here as soon as possible."
Luke refused to leave the hospital for two straight days. He only gave in and went home for a few hours when Lorelai and Rory arrived in the morning of the third day and declared him to be officially in "Full Tilt Stank" mode. He showered, napped for a few hours then returned to the hospital. Grace's fever was finally breaking, and she was more alert. Lorelai and Rory alternated bed-side vigil shifts with Sookie and Jackson, Emily and Richard, and to Luke's chagrin, Maury and Babette. Even on the fourth day, when Grace was feeling so much better that she was trying to charm popsicles and pop-tarts out of any doctor or nurse who came within earshot, he still refused to leave for longer than a couple of hours. Lorelai and Rory were only at the hospital for about a half an hour on the fifth morning of Grace's hospitalization when they were finally given the green light to take Grace home.
"Yay, Gracie," Rory said, as the doctor left to get the discharge papers ready. "Aren't you excited? We all get to go home today!"
Grace frowned at her family. "Wanna stay," she muttered, twisting Bunbuns ears mercilessly.
Luke looked at Grace, confused. "Why on earth do you want to stay?”
"Want more popsicles.” She let out a dry cough and bounced Bunbun in her lap.
"Aw, sweetie, we'll get you some popsicles when we get home, you've earned them," Lorelai said.
"’Cuz I'm a good girl.”
"Yes." Lorelai laughed. "You've been a very good girl. All the nurses say you've been the best little patient they've ever had."
"Like grape.”
"Plenty of grape popsicles for you until you get better," Luke said. "Spoiled rotten," he muttered under his breath to Rory.
"Rotten to the core," Rory agreed. "If you'd like, I'll leave now and take your truck and stop off at Doose's and load up on popsicles. You take Mom's car." Rory gave Grace a hug. "See you at home, little sis.”
The doctor returned a few minutes later, and Lorelai signed all the discharge papers, while Luke took control of the post-release care instructions. The Danes family strode out of the pediatric ward, Grace wrapped up in a light blanket in Luke's arms and exuding a regal air as doctors, nurses and orderlies ran up to her to say their sad goodbyes. By the time they made it to the hospital exit, Grace had collected four teddy bears and six lollipops.
"Bye, people!" Grace yelled, waving maniacally at nobody in particular as they exited the building.
"I tell you, this kid, she has some hard-core voodoo working there," Lorelai said as Luke carefully guided the family car back to Stars Hollow.
"Tell me about it," Luke said. "I've never seen one kid so able to just universally wrap everyone she meets around her little finger."
"Look at all this loot." Lorelai sorted through the candy and held up a box of Hello Kitty crayons. "This is just...not normal."
"I'm just glad she's finally going home." Luke glanced at Grace in the rearview mirror. "Never ever get sick again. Ever.”
"Okay, Poppy," Grace said.
Luke pulled up in front of the Crapshack and turned to Lorelai, who fidgeted in her seat. "Home sweet home," she muttered.
"You okay?" He paused when he slid out of the driver’s seat, and poked his head back in the car.
"Yeah," Lorelai said. "Just...uncomfortable. What else is new?"
Luke strode to the other side of the car and opened the back door to gather up Grace and her loot. "Ready to go in now, monkey?"
"Home." Grace waved Bunbun in the air. “Bunbun’s home.”
Luke walked across the yard and up the porch steps. "You coming?" He glanced over his shoulder at his wife, who had come to a stand-still in the middle of the yard. "Lorelai?" She looked at Luke uncertainly, but remained frozen in place. "You coming inside?"
Lorelai shook her head slowly. "I don't think so.” Her tone was clipped, and her hand drifted to her protruding belly. Luke took a step back toward the edge of the porch.
"Why not?"
"Because....my water just broke." Lorelai laughed nervously.
"You've got to be kidding me.”
"No jest, my dear." Lorelai gasped as she was hit with a sudden contraction.
“Jeez," Luke banged on the front door. "Here," He said when Rory opened the door. He passed the little girl to her sister. "You take this. We're going back to the hospital. Your mother just went into labor."
"Oh, my.” Rory clutched Grace tightly and watched as Luke got Lorelai back into the passenger seat and leapt back behind the wheel, turning the car back toward the hospital.
"Okay, how are you doing?" he asked for the umpteenth time as they neared the hospital. "Lorelai?" he asked as she erupted into laughter.
"I'm...oh my god...I'm sorry," Lorelai said. "How ridiculous is this? Ow.” Another contraction hit her, and she doubled over in pain. "Do we know how to make things complicated or what?" She breathed through the contraction, then burst into giggles.
Luke frowned. "Stop laughing. You'll end up squeezing the baby out right here in the car," he said, which only made Lorelai giggle even harder.
"Danes Family Rules dictate that nothing that can be done easily will be done easily.”
"I noticed." Luke pulled back into the hospital emergency room parking area. "You Danes girls are a lot of work. Lots and lots of work."
"Yes, we are, and you love it.”
Luke flung the passenger door open and leaned in to help Lorelai out. "Yeah, I know it," he said, leading Lorelai to the hospital entrance. "You're going to have to put that on my tombstone. You girls are going to be the death of me."
Chapter 5: Baby Mine
"Lorelai, you have got to listen to the doctor."
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do. You listen, and you do what she says."
"No. My body, my choice."
"A little late to be waving the reproductive rights flag."
"I'll wave my flag whenever I want to. My uterus."
"Did you hear the doctor? Stop pushing."
"I'm not."
"I think she can tell if you are."
"I'm not pushing, god damn it."
"Just breathe through it. You can push in a second."
"Shut up."
"Look at me. You can't push yet. Do the 'hee-hee' thing, okay?"
"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!"
"Breathe, baby."
"I hate you."
"That's okay."
"Go to hell. I hate you. Did I mention how much I hate you?"
"Yes, you did. Now stop trying to push."
"I really hate you."
"Okay, are you listening? Push, now, baby. You can push."
"Oh, my God. Oh, my GOD. Ow. Ow. Ow, ow, ow, ow."
"You're doing good. Keep going. Count it down, sweetie."
"Touch me again and I'll castrate you, you son of a bitch. Ow."
"Okay, good job. Breathe, sweetie. Take a break. Stop pushing, damn it!"
"You asshole, you did this to me!"
"I know. I'm sorry, try and breathe through it, honey."
"Shut up, you jerk.. You suck. Ow, oh, ow. I have to push."
"No. You wait for the doctor. Do not push yet, Lorelai."
"No, now! I have to push now!"
"Not yet. Wait for it. Please stop trying to push."
"No, no, no, I have to push now. I can't help it. I have to. It hurts, Luke. Oh, my God."
"Please, baby, just breathe. Look at me, Lorelai. Eyes on me. We're breathing right now, that's it."
"Go to hell."
"I will, right after you do the breathing thing."
"Get it out. Get it out. Please get it out of me. Oh, my God, get it out."
"It's okay, sweetie, it's okay. We're almost there. Wait for it...wait for it...."
"Now? Can I push now? Please, oh, ow."
"Okay, go for it. Listen to the woman, damn it. You can push. Come on, hon, give it all you've got. Push!"
"Oh, crap. Holy crap. Ow, ouch, oh my....ouch, ouch, ouch...you get out of here, you aren't helping. Oh, my God. Just go, you jerk."
"Shut up and push, Lorelai."
"No, get out, get out, get OUT!"
"You want me to go?"
"Yes. No. Ow, oh, my God. No, don't leave me, baby. Don't leave. Oh,it hurts. Don't leave me here."
"I'm not leaving. Just breathe now, honey. Just breathe."
"I love you. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I love you, too. You're doing fine. Just concentrate on the doctor, okay?"
"Where is she?"
"Where do you think?"
"Ow. Shit. Ow. You're not going to leave me, are you?"
"Of course not, I'm not going anywhere."
"Good. Holy Crap. Ouch. Oh, Jesus. Ouch, ouch, ow, ow! You suck for this."
"I'm sorry."
"Why do you want to hurt me?"
"I don't. I'm really sorry. Bad sperm. Now get ready for it, are you listening, Lorelai? We're getting ready for another push. We're almost there, baby."
"Okay. Oh, shit. Gotta push."
"Not yet. Wait for the doctor."
"No."
"Damn it, Lorelai. Hold on."
"No. Gotta push now. Ow, oh, ow."
"Okay, go for it. Push, damn it. Push, Lorelai!"
"Ow, it hurts, it hurts. It hurts so god damn much!"
"I know, baby. Let's get this over with. Push harder. Harder!"
"Ow. Shit. Damn. Hells bells. Ow, get it out of me. Is anybody actually pulling down there? Get it out, now!"
"Good job, baby. You're doing so good. Breathe now, baby. Lie back. You're okay. I love you. You're okay, baby."
"Oh, Luke. Oh, my God. That really sucked."
The baby's cries filled the room. Luke jerked to attention at the sound. He was so focused on Lorelai, he had almost forgotten that they weren't the only ones in the delivery room.
Lorelai closed her eyes, exhausted. "Is the baby okay?"
"Perfect," the doctor said. "Come here, Dad. Want to cut the umbilical cord?"
"No. Yes." Luke wobbled toward the doctor and gazed with wide eyes at the surgical scissors she handed him. He followed the instructions he was given, on auto-pilot. After making the cut, he handed the scissors back and stared, mesmerized, at the wailing newborn. "Oh, my God." He swallowed hard against the lump forming in his throat.
Lorelai tried to raise up. "What is it?" She wiped away a tear coursing down her cheek.
"It's a baby," Luke whispered, watching a nurse take the childto a table in the corner of the room.
"Duh." Lorelai laughed weakly and sank back into her bed. "A baby what?"
"Boy." Luke snapped out of his trance and returned to Lorelai's side. He bent over, kissed her forehead, and clutched her hand in his. "It's a boy."
"Oh, wow." Lorelai beamed. "I don't really know how to do boys."
"That's okay," Luke said. "I know a thing or two about boys."
The nurse returned with the baby, placing him in Lorelai's arms.
"There you go, Mommy," the nurse smiled. "Meet your son."
"Hi, baby boy." Lorelai sobbed as she counted fingers and toes.
"Oh, man," Luke said. "A boy. Gracie's gonna be pissed."
Lorelai chuckled. "She'll adjust."
"You think?" He stroked the little boy's closed fist with one finger, and the boy grunted in his sleep.
"I've got dibs." Lorelai scowled at Luke as he stared in amazement at the newborn. "You have your daddy's girl. I get to have my momma's boy."
"Poppy's girl," Luke said distractedly. Neither of them could tear their eyes away from their son. "Hey." Luke glanced up at his wife. "Do you think this kid will be normal and actually call me Daddy?"
"Who knows?" Lorelai ran a trembling hand over the soft crown of fuzz on the boy's head. "We've created quite the stubborn gene-pool here, in case you haven't noticed."
"I've noticed."
"Want a turn?"
"Yeah." He reached for the infant and cradled him close to his chest. "Hi, guy," Luke whispered. "I'm your daddy. Nice to finally meet you."
"Need a name." Lorelai yawned and pushed away the hand of the nurse who was trying to stick a thermometer in her mouth. "We could always go for William," she said before accepting defeating and allowing the woman to stick the device in her mouth.
Luke studied his son's face. "Doesn't fit," he said, disappointed. "He really doesn't look like a William. Besides, I see an endless onslaught of 'Will and Grace' jokes coming if we go down that road. Could we use it as his middle name?"
"Sure," she said. "How about Banjo William Danes?"
"Banjo?"
"Wolfgang??
"Stop it," Luke said. "Think normal."
"Normal. Pete? Michael? Jacob?" Lorelai rolled her eyes as Luke violently shook his head at every one of her suggestions.
"How about your middle name?" Lorelai asked. "Andrew William Danes?"
Luke frowned, considering the name. "Not bad," he said. "But I still don't think it fits."
Lorelai studied the boy, concentrating on finding a name that really fit the newborn. "How about...Alexander?"
Luke arched an eyebrow at Lorelai. "Does he look like an Alex to you?"
"No," Lorelai murmured. "But he kind of looks like a Xander."
"Xander?"
"Yeah," Lorelai said. "Very slick pop-culture reference. Rory will die over it."
"Pop-culture?" Luke asked. "How so?"
"Buffy the Vampire Slayer."
"Oh, boy." Luke sighed and returned his attention to the baby in his arms. "Well, I guess it's up to you, kid. We can't keep calling you Fetus...kind of inappropriate now. What do you think? Are you a Xander?"
The baby opened his eyes and stared at Luke, the brilliant blue sparkling and alert. He let out a loud grunt and smacked his lips, and Luke rolled his eyes. "Guess that's a yes."
"Yay." Lorelai stifled a yawn. "Then it's decided. Alexander William Danes, it is."
"All right. If you two insist. Welcome to the asylum, Xander. Watch out for that Gracie. She can be brutal."
Xander let out a loud snuffle and found his fist with his mouth. He began slurping his fingers and closed his eyes, content.
"Good idea," Luke said. "Any defense mechanism you can find, use it. You and me, we're surrounded by estrogen." He reluctantly turned the baby back over to Lorelai. "Here you go," he said. "Guess I'd better go update the waiting room residents that he's here."
Once alone, Lorelai peered at her newborn son. "Hiya, Xander," she said, softly stroking the baby's cheek. "You are now officially the newest member of the Danes family. Buckle your seatbelt, kiddo. It's going to be one heck of a ride."
Chapter 6: There's No Place Like Home
Lorelai cradled Xander in her arms. An enraptured crowd surrounded the couch they sat on. So many people were dropping by to offer their congratulations and to meet the new baby, that Luke had given up and left the front door open. A piece of paper was taped to the window reading "This way to baby", with an arrow pointing inside drawn underneath. The living room was filled with flowers, balloons, and wrapped boxes and baskets. Lorelai was flanked on either side by Richard and Emily, who were as uncharacteristically bubbly and excited as the rest of the gathered group.
Rory hung over the back of the couch, smiling at the baby, and Lorelai kept her eyes on Emily, awe-struck by the way her mother cooed over the baby, unrestrained. Richard’s arm was draped around Lorelai's shoulder as he caressed the dark, downy hair upon the boy’s head. Luke ran back and forth between the kitchen and the living room, opening bags of chips and pretzels and dumping them into bowls to accommodate the never-ending throngs of admirers. He stopped in front of the couch after depositing a bowl of cheese puffs on the coffee table.
“Everyone doing okay, here?" he asked, grinning at Lorelai when she smiled up at him.
"We're great, Babe.”
Luke nodded and flew back to the kitchen, pulling out a couple of bottles of soda from the fridge, and grabbing a bag of paper cups. He carried his armload out to the coffee table, and spun on his heels, intending to open up a few cans of Hawaiian Punch for variety. He came to a halt as he passed the staircase. Grace sat on the landing, staring mournfully at the gathered friends and family.
She craned her neck when Sookie and Jackson entered the living room, Sookie wrapping Lorelai and Xander in a suffocating hug. Gracie stared expectantly, but sighed and returned to twisting Bunbun's ears when Sookie didn't turn around. Luke watched as Grace reacted to the guests. She scanned the faces in the crowd, eyes darting around, lower lip occasionally pooching out, frowns forming and disappearing on her face. Grace suddenly smiled and waved, and Luke turned around to see who Grace was gazing at. Emily had raised her head, but apparently hadn't seen Grace, and she returned her attention to Xander. Luke looked back at Grace and groaned when he saw her face fall and she lowered her eyes to the ground, hugging Bunbun closer. Luke walked over to the steps.
"Hi, Gracie-pooh," he smiled, climbing the first couple of steps. "How's it going over here?"
Grace looked up at Luke. "Good.”
Luke sat next to her and kissed the top of her head. "Feeling left out?"
"Too much people." Grace flopped the bunny around in her lap.
"Tell me about it." Luke leaned against the wall and stretched out his legs. "Lots of people coming to say hi to your baby brother."
Grace’s face darkened. "Don't like him.”
"Why not?"
"He's boring," she said. "He just sleeps. Sometimes he cries."
"Yeah, babies pretty much just eat, sleep, cry and poo when they're new.”
Grace smiled at the mention of poo. "He pee-pottied on Rory.”
Luke smirked. "Yeah, he has good aim doesn't he?"
"He's yucky," she said. "He's a boy."
"Yes, he is," Luke said. "It's going to be different having another baby around now, isn't it?"
Grace looked crestfallen as she contemplated the idea. "Want to live with Apey.”
Luke blinked, surprised. "You want to live with April?"
"Uh huh," Grace said. "No boys there."
Luke furrowed his brow. "But I'm a boy. Don't you like me anymore?"
Grace eyed Luke warily. "I like you.”
“That’s a relief.” He scratched his head and gazed at the gathering of friends and family. “I work pretty hard at making you like me. I'd be sad if you didn't."
"Don’t be sad.”
"But you want to move away.”
"No babies with Apey," she reminded him.
"If you left, we'd miss you an awful lot.”
"Nuh uh," Grace said. "Nobody likes Gracie now."
"Lots of people like Gracie," he said. "Who doesn't like you anymore?"
Grace rolled her eyes and punched Bunbun angrily. "Mommy, and Rory, and Sookie, and Grammy, and Gramp, and Miss Patty," she said. "Nobody wants to talk to me."
"I'm talking to you.”
"Not for a long time.” Her bottom lip quivered.
"I'm sorry.” He reached out and stroked her cheek. "I was busy getting food and drinks and making room for our guests. I should have talked to you sooner. I'll do better."
"Mommy doesn't love me," Grace whispered, tears forming in her eyes.
“Aw, come on.” Luke frowned. "Your mommy does too love you, Gracie.”
"Mommy loves Baby Xan," she said.
"She loves you both. Mommies love all their babies."
"Nuh uh," Grace sais. "She spends all day with Xan."
"Babies are a lot of work," Luke tried to explain to Grace. "They can't do anything themselves when they're new, so we have to help them. Mommy has to spend a lot of time with Xander right now, because Xander needs her to feed him, and Rory and I have to help a lot because he can't change his diapers, he can't tell us why he's crying, and he can't just go to bed himself. It gets better when babies get older. We had to pay all this attention to you when you were new, but now you're a big girl, and you can do a lot of things yourself. As Xander gets older, he'll learn to do things on his own, too. It's not that we like him more than we like you. He just needs our help."
"Poppy, do you love me?" Grace whispered tearfully.
Luke swept Grace up into his lap and wrapped his arms around her. "Baby girl, Poppy loves you to the moon and back, and to the moon again. And don't you ever forget that, kid."
"You'll talk to me?"
Luke dotted her chubby cheek with kisses. "You're my best friend in the whole wide world, Gracie. I'll always talk to you."
"Bestest buddy?" Grace sniffed loudly and wiped her nose with her sleeve.
Luke produced a tissue from his pocket and wiped Grace's nose. "Bestest buddy ever," he said. "If you went to live with April, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I wouldn't have anyone to make busghetti for, I wouldn't have anyone to give me zerberk kisses, I wouldn't have anyone to go fishing with, and I wouldn't have anyone to play with at the lake. I'd be really lonely if you left."
"I don't wanna leave.” Tears welled in her eyes.
"You don't have to leave." Luke hugged her tighter. "You're the one who was ready to pack her bags. I'm the one asking you to stick around."
"Can Xander go?"
"Nope, we're stuck with him," he said. "But you're the big sister now. You get to teach him all kinds of fun things. You can teach him how to catch fireflies, and how to blow bubbles, and which houses have the best Trick or Treat loot. He's going to look up to you, and you get to boss him around."
"Really?"
"Yup," Luke smiled. "Trust me, I'm a big brother, and I got to boss Aunt Lizzie around a lot. Just be smart and don't let anyone catch you doing it, because then you get in trouble. Also, don't put a muddy frog in his bed, because you get grounded for a week."
"Did you do that, Poppy?" Grace giggled.
Luke grinned. "Yeah, but don't quote me on that. Aunt Lizzie is still afraid of frogs because of it."
"Did your mommy spank you?"
Luke swallowed hard. "Um, no, she didn't...uh...she didn't know I did that," he explained, avoiding the delicate subject of his mother’s passing. "But my dad yelled pretty loud at me."
“Hey, Poppy.” Grace turned around in Luke's lap and looked at Emily and Richard, then Lorelai. “Where is your mommy and daddy?”
Luke squirmed in place and tried to think of a simple explanation for the little girl. "Um...well...they're not here. They're in...uh, heaven," he muttered.
Grace stared at Luke, a solemn expression on her face. "Like angels?"
Luke nodded, feeling his throat tighten. "Yeah," he whispered. "Just like angels."
"Do you miss your mommy and daddy?"
"I miss them all the time," he said. "They would have loved you very, very much. You know, my mommy's name was Grace. That's why we gave you that name. My mommy was special, so we wanted you to have a special name."
"Was your daddy Xander?"
"No," Luke said. "But Xander's middle name is the same as my daddy's. His name was William, too."
"Are you going to go to heaven, too?"
"Not for a really long time,” he said. "Mommy and I are going to do our best to stick around for a long time. Don't you worry about that."
"But what if you do?”
Luke swallowed hard. "Then I promise you that I will watch you all the time. You wouldn't be able to see me, but I will always, always watch you, for ever and ever."
"Don't want you to go, Poppy," Grace murmured, burrowing back into Luke's arms.
"I wouldn't want to go," Luke said. "I don't want you to go live with April, either."
"I'll stay," she decided, snuggling up under her father’s chin.
"You will?"
"Yup," Grace said. "But boys are still yucky."
"Yeah. They are."
"Bestest buddies, Poppy?" she asked.
"Bestest buddies," he said. "You're my baby girl, no matter what."
"Okay," she said. "Can we get a froggy?"
Chapter 7: It Ain't Easy Being Green
Lorelai slumped into the kitchen carrying Xander on her shoulder. At the counter, Rory measured out heaping scoops of coffee into the coffeemaker filter. April, who had flown in Friday afternoon, shared crayons with Grace as they bent over a pair of coloring books, chattering gaily. Luke hovered over the stove, piling pancakes into a stack next to a mound of bacon. Lorelai smiled at the sight of her blended family gathered in the kitchen.
"Boy, I'm glad we decided to re-renovate this place," she said. "We wouldn't have been able to fit the entire family in the kitchen before."
"You'd better be happy with the additions." Luke cracked eggs into a skillet and began to scramble them. "We're going to be paying for them until we're 80."
"I am quite happy with them." Lorelai wandered over to where he stood and gave him a peck on the lips. "Morning, Handsome."
"Morning." Luke pressed a kiss to Xander's head.
"Hiya Mommy," Grace said. "Apey and me are coloring."
"I see that," Lorelai said. "Hey, April, so, were you happy with your new bedroom?"
"Loved it," April said. "Especially now that I don't have Grace jumping in my bed every two minutes asking me to read to her."
Rory snorted. "This house is starting to look like the Winchester Mystery House with all the new wings."
"Wings?" Luke carried their breakfast to the table. "I don't remember paying for wings. Four new rooms are more than enough, as far as our savings accounts are concerned."
"I am forever in debt to those savings accounts for being so kind as to allow us to stay here," Lorelai said. "I couldn't bear to move out of this place."
"In debt up to your ears, you mean." Luke waved a spatula at her. "With all the money we’ve sunk into this place, Tom's going to be able to buy the Twickham house himself."
"Well, if we decide to reproduce again, we'll just stick someone out in Grace's playhouse and pretend it's a pool house," Lorelai said.
"Put Xander there," Grace muttered as Luke slid a plate in front of her.
"Gracie, don't be mean.” Lorelai shot her a warning glare.
Grace looked at her plate and giggled. "Poppy made a happy face," she said. Her oversized pancake had two fried eggs for eyes, and a slab of bacon representing a mouth.
"Poppy is contributing to your state of perpetual spoiledness," Lorelai said.
Luke shrugged, offering Lorelai a guilty smile. "I refuse to comment on the grounds that it may incriminate me."
"Good idea, Burger Boy," Lorelai muttered, sitting at the table.
"Here." Luke brought over a handful of napkins and silverware, then slapped three empty plates on the table. "Orders up, guys. Hand Xan over and eat, Lorelai."
"Oh, goody," Lorelai said as Luke retrieved the baby from her arms. "Aren't you hungry yet?"
"I already ate a less artery-clogging breakfast." Luke cradled Xander in his arms and whispered to the boy.
"Poppy ate Lucky Charms," Grace said.
Luke glared at Grace. "Thanks a lot, kid."
"Ha," Lorelai said. She held up a fist in triumph. "Luke Danes, caught red-handed with a big bowl of high fructose...stuff. Ha!"
Luke rolled his eyes and gently rocked his son back and forth. "Okay, okay, sometimes I eat Lucky Charms. They're magically delicious. So sue me, already."
"Maybe I will," Lorelai said.
"Sorry," Luke shot back. "All my money is wrapped up in the ever expanding Crapshack. It's like a bad Stephen King novel. The house is alive and it keeps growing, and feeding on my wallet."
"Does that make the house vegan since it technically isn't eating any animal products?" Rory paused to ponder the concept before tearing into her pancakes.
"That depends," April said. "Is the wallet leather?"
"It's polyester.” Lorelai laughed and reached for a piece of bacon.
"It's durable," Luke said. "Despite the teethmarks."
"Non-biodegradable though," April said.
"Is there a wallet crisis in the landfills?" Luke asked.
"Maybe not now, but someday, if we don't take responsibility for our irresponsible synthetic wallet consumption now," Rory said.
"Al Gore would not be pleased with you, Luke. You really need to start thinking green, my dear," Lorelai said.
"Reduce, Reuse, Recycle," April said.
"Oscar the Grouch is green," Grace chimed in. "So is Dipsy."
"Is it Dipsy?" Rory asked, frowning.
"I thought Po was green," April said.
"No, Po is red, Laa Laa is yellow, and Tinky Winky is purple," Lorelai said.
"Dipsy is green." Grace said.
Luke sighed. "Glad we got that straightened out. I can't believe we're discussing Teletubbies."
"Time for tubby tustard," Grace chanted.
"Crud, now I'm going to have the Teletubbies song stuck in my head all day," Rory said. "I can't go back to work tomorrow with visions of Laa Laa dancing around in my head."
"I don't have much sympathy for you," April said. "I woke up just in time to hear 'Captain Feathersword'. I really hate the Wiggles."
"I like Jeff," Grace said, and started singing softly to herself. "Toot, toot, chugga, chugga, big red car..."
"No!" April and Rory yelled in unison, clapping their hands over their ears.
Luke laughed and leaned up against the refrigerator, thoroughly enjoying the bickering amongst his girls.
"Weren't we discussing something about recycling?" Lorelai frowned.
"I forget," April said, and ate a forkful of her pancakes.
"Know who else is green?" Grace asked.
"Who?"
"Bloo!" Grace said.
"Blue is green?" Luke asked.
"Which one do you mean, Gracie?" Lorelai asked. "Blue's Clues Blue or Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends' Bloo?"
"Foster Bloo.”
"You're such a goof," April said. "Bloo is blue."
"Bloo who?" Grace asked.
"Doesn't matter which blue she means, sis, Blue is blue and so is Bloo," Rory said.
"Well, Tuck the Turtle is green," Grace said.
"Yes, Tuck is green," Lorelai said.
"Who's Tuck?" Rory asked.
"Wonderpets," Lorelai said.
Rory blinked. "Not a clue."
"Dad says Linny freaks him out," April said with a laugh.
"Who's Linny?" Rory asked.
"The freaky gerbil," Luke muttered, shifting the baby onto his other shoulder.
"Linny's a hamster, Poppy," Gracie said.
"I thought Linny's a guinea pig," Lorelai said.
"Either way, Linny is freaky, and Linny is NOT green," Luke said.
"Boo-bahs are pretty freaky," April said.
"So are the Doodlebops," Rory said. "Those big hands kind of give me the willies."
"Sherri Lewis is way freaky," Lorelai chimed in.
"Ew, the hand puppet," Rory said. "Seems kind of unhygienic."
"I like Porkchop," Grace said and reached for her sippy cup of orange juice.
"Lambchop!" Lorelai, April and Rory all cried simultaneously, laughing.
"Sweet Jesus.” Luke squeezed his eyes shut and groaned.
"I want a frog," Grace said.
"What is this frog kick you've been on lately?" Lorelai asked.
Luke cleared his throat loudly. "No clue. Anyone want more food?"
"Nope," April replied.
"No thanks, Luke, I'm good," Rory said.
"Can I have more coffee?" Lorelai asked.
"No. You’re breastfeeding.”
"More juice, please," Grace said, waving her sippy cup in the air.
"Coming right up," Luke said, grabbing Grace's cup and refilling it.
"Now, the Muppet Show, that was high class entertainment," Rory said.
"Oh god, yes," Lorelai said. “I miss Statler and Waldorf. Never before and never since has there been such a perfect comedic duo.”
"I had a Gonzo thing for ages," April said.
"You had a thing for Gonzo?" Rory wrinkled her nose.
"I thought Gonzo was funny, I didn't want to marry him," April said.
"Not judging.” Rory held up her hands. "Mom had a thing for Oompa Loompas, so it seemed like a logical thing for you to love a Muppet."
April looked at Lorelai warily. "Oompa Loompas?"
"Don't ask," Lorelai said. "I can't explain it."
"They're orange, and weird looking," April said. "And those eyebrows?"
"Go, Diego, go!" Grace squealed.
"You think Diego is cute?" Rory asked.
"Nope," Grace replied, taking a gulp of juice from her sippy cup as April and Rory stared at Grace blankly.
"I think she's just free-associating, now," Lorelai said.
Luke shook his head and looked at Xander. "You see what we're up against, kid?" he asked, as the girls continued their chatter. Xander gurgled at Luke in response. "That what I say," he said. "We're surrounded by crazy ladies. God help us."
Chapter 8: Once Upon A Mattress
Grace sleepily opened one eye to look at Luke, who was sitting on the edge of her bed. "Hi, Poppy," she said, and rubbed her eyes with balled fists.
"Morning, Monkey." Luke laid down beside Grace, and pulled a stuffed animal out from under him. "Guess what day it is?"
"Happy birthday to me." Grace yawned.
"Yep, it's finally your birthday," Luke said. "Do you feel older?"
Grace nodded. "I'm all growed up now.”
"I think you have a little more growing up to do yet." Luke scratched his chin. "Even though four is pretty darn old."
"I can do lots," Grace said.
"Like what?" He stretched out his legs and placed his hands behind his head.
"I know A-B-C, I can tie my shoes, and swim, and Miss Patty says I’m a good apple.” She thought for a moment, and her face brightened. “I help Mommy make peanut butter an’ jelly sandwiches.”
"Wow, you really ARE grown up," Luke said. "But can you handle your liquor?"
"Huh?"
"Never mind." Luke chuckled and repositioned a pillow under his head.
"I told you I was growed up," Grace said.
"I stand corrected.”
Grace snuggled up to Luke. "Tell me the story, Poppy," she pleaded, tugging on Luke's flannel shirt.
"What story?"
Grace sighed. "My birthday story.”
"Oh, that old thing?" Luke smoothed her sleep-tousled hair. "Aren't you bored with that story yet?"
"Nuh uh," Grace said. "Tell me."
"Okay.” Luke wrapped his arm around the little girl and pulled her blanket up around her. "Just try not to interrupt, so we can get this over with. You always yammer your way through the story, and it takes forever.”
"I'll be quiet," Grace said.
"Good. Okay, here we go." Luke settled back into the pillows as he began the story of Grace's first birthday. "It was four years ago on this very day. It was a really cold morning, and the snow was falling already when Mommy and I woke up. Mommy was so excited about the snow, she didn't mind that I accidentally woke her up at 4:30 in the morning—“
"Cuz Mommy and snow go way back?"
"Yeah, Mommy and snow go way back. They have an understanding. Only good things are supposed to happen when it snows. Now, Mommy and snow had a big falling out a long time ago, and things got ugly for a while, but that's a whole different story. What matters here is that Mommy and snow, they made up. So she was really happy to see it coming for a visit that morning—."
"But you weren't."
"Stop interrupting me. I'm losing my train of thought."
"Sorry." She giggled and clutched Bunbun to her chest.
"It's okay. I had to get to the diner for a delivery, but I woke up late. The weather reports said the snow wouldn't start falling until the afternoon, so I didn't prepare myself. I didn't have enough time to dig out the truck, so I had to walk to work. The snow was already getting deep, and it got in my boots—"
"Cold feet."
"Yup, cold, wet feet. And I was already grouchy, anyway."
"Cuz it's your Dark Day."
"Who's telling this story?” He gave a curl a playful tug. “Zip it and listen."
"Sorry."
"It's okay. So, I was already pretty grumpy because it was my Dark Day."
" Grandpa Danes went to Heaven."
"Yeah. Now shush. So, I was feeling pretty down, I was kind of a jerk to your Mommy, my feet were cold and wet, and all the customers at the diner were being really annoying that day."
"’Specially Kirk."
"Geez, should I let you tell the story?"
"Sorry."
"It's okay. Now, where was I?"
"Kirk."
"Yeah, Kirk. He was being a real moron. He couldn't decide what shape he wanted his grilled cheese cut into when he came in for lunch..."
"Kirk's a big baby."
"Yeah, he is."
"What did he pick?"
"He decided that since I was so edgy that day, that he wanted little squares."
"I don't get it."
"Me neither.” Luke shrugged and took a deep breath. “I told you he was being a moron."
"Maybe he meant corners."
"Maybe. Are you done now?"
"Yeah. Sorry."
"It's okay. So, it was snowing really hard by the time the afternoon rush was in full swing..."
"It was almost a blizzard!"
"You know what? I'm just going to write this down, and you can read it later. I'll use really short words."
"No, don't. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. So, we've got a packed house when the power goes out."
"That sucks."
"Hey!"
"That stinks. Sorry."
"Watch the mouth."
"Sorry."
"It's okay. The power goes out, the phone isn't working, my generator is broken, and I have a diner full of hungry people. Kirk starts whining about how he's afraid of the dark, and I was mad because of..."
"Your Dark Day."
"Stop it."
"Sorry."
"It's okay. I was mad because I didn't want to be there in the first place, and Kirk was screaming about the dark, which was really dumb because it was the middle of the afternoon. So I yelled at him to calm down, because it was freaking daytime, for Christ's sake..."
"Hey!"
"Sorry. Language. I forgot."
"It's okay."
"Good. So, I'm caught up in all the ruckus, Kirk leans over and steals my flashlight out from under my counter and runs out of the diner. I didn't even really think about..."
"Mommy."
"Exactly. So, I wasn't expecting anything when Babette comes running into the diner, panting and screaming and saying she could smell sawdust or something. I thought she was just being Babette. But when she finally catches her breath, she starts screaming 'Lorelai's in labor! Lorelai's in labor!' which completely freaked me out, because she hadn't called my cell phone. So I grab my coat, tell everybody to get out when they're done, and start to run out the door to go home—"
"But Kirk came back."
"I'm taking your birthday presents back to the store."
"No! I'm sorry."
"It's okay, just shush now. So just as I reach out to grab the doorknob..."
"Whammo!"
"Exactly. Kirk tries to run back into the diner, and he slams the door right into my face. I thought he broke my nose."
"Again."
"Yeah, blood just started gushing out of my nose, and Kirk just stood there in the doorway like a deer caught in the—"
"Headlights."
"I'm putting you up for adoption."
"No, don't. Sorry."
"It's okay. So I'm trying to contain the waterfall of blood that's flying out of my nose, and he's in my way and I got really, really, REALLY mad, and did the only thing I could think to do."
"Whammo again!"
"Yeah. I shoved the door into Kirk's face. And his nose started bleeding, and he started to cry and he ran home to his mother. That made me feel good, but then I had to run all the way home to your Mommy, because, in case you forgot, she was in labor. I pulled out my cell phone as I was running home to your Mommy, and boy, did my stomach drop, because—"
"You turned it off."
"Quiet, you."
"Sorry."
"It's okay. So, as I was running, I turned on the phone, and there were, like, a thousand missed phone calls from your Mommy. I tried to dial 9-1-1 while I was running, to get an ambulance, but I couldn't get through. I got home, and your Mommy was sitting on the porch with her hospital bag, and she was all bundled up. And, boy, did she ever look mad."
"She yelled at you good.”
"Yes, she did. And we can't repeat the names she called me, but they were really good names. Mommy said she called 9-1-1, but they told her the closest ambulance was stuck in a snow bank and we would have to try to make it on our own, or have the baby on our own."
"Hospital time!"
"You'd better believe it. I piled Mommy and myself into the Jeep, and we started to drive to the hospital. Mommy's water broke before we made it out of Stars Hollow, and I couldn't drive much faster than eight miles per hour."
"Cuz all the snow."
"Is there any point in me trying to get you to quit yammering?"
"Sorry. I'll stop."
"It's okay. So, Mommy is screaming at me to drive faster, and I was doing the best I could, but I couldn't get any speed. We practically slid into a ditch at one point, and your Mommy was screaming and crying. When we were halfway there, I swear she kicked me in the ear, she was flailing around in her seat so much. I told her to put her leg down because if she shot that baby out at me, we were getting a divorce."
"Mommy didn't think that was very funny."
"No, she certainly didn't. Never joke with a pregnant lady. So we get about a mile away when your Mommy starts screaming louder than ever. She looks at me and screams, 'I can feel the head! I can feel the head! Can you see it?', and I started screaming and yelling, 'I'm not looking at it! I'm not looking at it!', and then I..."
"You covered your eyes."
"I covered my eyes, which isn't smart because I was still driving, but we were at the hospital. Your Mommy starts screaming at me to uncover my eyes, and I suddenly remembered I was driving. I put my hands back on the steering wheel, but I overcorrected myself and ended up throwing us into a spin. We actually slid backwards INTO the hospital parking lot, and hit a light pole. We bounced off the pole, and I turned the Jeep around and tried to drift over to the entrance, since your Mommy was about to drop the baby right in the car. But the Jeep slid again, and technically, I hit the emergency room. It was just a tap, but still..."
"And then you ran inside."
"Yep, I dragged your Mommy inside the emergency room, which wasn't easy because her legs kept giving out, so I really, actually dragged her into the emergency room, heels dragging in the snow. The nurse took one look at your Mommy, screamed for an orderly who ran over with a wheelchair, and we all ran into the emergency room. The nurse and the orderly got Mommy up on a bed, still screeching at the top of her lungs, I was screaming at the top of my lungs, the nurse screamed for a doctor, who ran over and took one look at your Mommy—"
"And he put out his arms."
"Yep. Catcher's style. He should have had a mitt. Your mom kind of pushed once, and OUT flew the baby."
"Taadaa!"
"That was the last Dark Day ever for your old Poppy. From that day forward, November 30th would always be the day that my crazy, beautiful, funny, weird little Gracie was born. And that, my friend, is the official Grace Lynn Danes birthday story," Luke said. "What do you think, you goof, as good as last year?"
"Best story in the world." Gracie clapped her hands. "Thank you for telling it to me again, Poppy."
"You're welcome, birthday girl." Luke grinned and kissed Grace on the forehead. "And thank you for being that baby."
"You're welcome.”
"Okay, go brush your teeth, I'll get your birthday breakfast started," Luke said. He slid out of bed and , put his hands on his hips, watching as she climbed out from under the covers.
"Lots of chocolate chips?" Grace asked.
"Tons," Luke said, and headed toward the bedroom door. He stopped short when he saw Lorelai leaning on the doorframe, arms crossed, and a wide smile on her face.
"How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough," Lorelai said. "You know what? I never really realized it before." She linked arms with Luke and headed for the stairs. "Everyone is always telling me how Gracie has you wrapped around her little finger."
"Yeah, so?" Luke asked, feigning defensiveness.
"So, I didn't realize until just now," she said. "How much you have Gracie wrapped around your little finger. Sneaky little bastard, aren't you?"
Luke shrugged and followed his wife down the stairs. "I have no idea what you're talking about, lady."
"I'll just bet you don't.”
Chapter 9: There's A Wocket In My Pocket
"This cake is simply divine, Sookie, you've really outdone yourself," Emily said, dabbing the corner of her mouth with a paper napkin.
"It really is mouth-watering," Richard chimed in. "I never thought I could eat this much chocolate without getting ill."
"I'm going to need to go to the dentist tomorrow." Luke stabbed his slice of cake with his fork.
"You ordered it Luke," Sookie said. "I distinctly remember one Luke Danes calling me and saying he needed a chocolate/chocolate chip cake with double chocolate icing. And fudge drizzle."
"I was under duress," he said.
"Luke, you've let that child lead you around by the nose for so long, it's a wonder you even know how to speak without her permission." Emily’s reproach was delivered in teasing tone.
"I'm not that bad.”
"Says the man who was ready to go Tanya Harding on poor Stacy Keppler just because Miss Patty chose Stacy to be a solo dancing snowflake in her Winter Spectacular." Lorelai laughed, joining the cluster of grown-ups.
"I wasn't going to go Tanya Harding on anyone, I just thought that Patty didn't weigh the facts well.”
"And the worst part was, Gracie was so gracious in her defeat,” Lorelai said. “She told Stacy that she was going to be a good snowflake, and she was perfectly content with being a dancing snowball in the background. Gracie doesn't care about leads as long as she gets to jump around in a circle for an hour."
"Now, Lorelai, don't be so dismissive of her skill. Gracie is quite the accomplished dancer for her age," Emily said. "She exudes elegance when she dances."
Luke laughed. "Too bad she hasn't gotten the walking thing down, yet," he said, pointing across the room as Grace fell over Maury's foot, as if on cue.
"It's probably all the chocolate," Richard said. "I'm surprised the children haven't fallen into a sugar coma yet."
"We're spacing it out so they go into toxic shock just in time for bed," Lorelai said.
"Ah." Richard nodded. "An excellent plan."
"Okay, everybody." Lorelai turned to address the rest of the party-goers. "Gather round. It’s time for the birthday girl to open her presents."
"Yay!" Grace squealed. "My favorite part!"
"Yay!" Xander clapped his hands and looked around in anticipation.
"You don't get any presents, Xan. It's not your birthday, and you're not a girl," Grace muttered.
"Yay!" Xander repeated as Lorelai sat on the floor near the coffee table.
"Okay, Gracie-kins, Git 'er done," she said.
"Okay." Grace grinned, and adjusted her pink tiara and feather boa before proceeding. "Which one?" she asked, overwhelmed by the stack of presents on the table.
Lorelai picked up a gift as Xander crawled into her lap. "Here’s one from Sookie." Lorelai handed the box to Grace.
"Pretty." Grace traced a finger around the cartoon ballerinas featured on the wrap. With great care, she pulled the big silver bow off of the small package and handed it to the baby. "Here, Xander," Grace offered diplomatically.
"Yay!" Xander said in gratitude and attempted to stuff the bow into his mouth.
Grace tore the paper and opened the box. "Oh." She gasped and held up a large crystal frog. "Pretty frog!" Grace hurled herself into Sookie's arms.
"I figured if your Mom and Poppy wouldn't let you have the real deal, I could at least get you the next best thing." Sookie giggled.
"Look, Poppy," Grace cried, running to Luke. "It's a diamond froggy. I bet it's worth a million, thousand dollars."
"At least," Luke agreed, with a laugh.
"See!" Xander craned his neck to catch a glimpse of the sparkling frog in his sister's hands.
Grace squatted down next to Lorelai and Xander. "See my frog?" She dangled the frog in front of her brother, whose eyes grew wide as he reached for the frog.
Grace tightened her grip. "You can pet it, but that's it," she warned. Xander patted the frog happily, then returned his attention to the bow she’d given him earlier. Grace slowly worked her way through her presents, taking her time to admire the paper on each and every gift, and taking even more time to hug each gift giver, showcasing the gift around the room, and stooping momentarily so Xander could inspect each item.
"Here's one from Rory," Lorelai said, sliding a brightly-wrapped package Grace's way.
"The Wiggles!"
"Toot, toot, chugga, chugga," Lorelai said.
"Toot!" Xander bellowed, smacking a bow onto his forehead.
"Another weird one," Luke said, with a roll of his eyes.
"The gene-pool bites us in the butt yet again." Lorelai laughed as Xander leaned forward to gnaw on the coffee table.
"Lorelai, he's going to get a splinter," Emily said.
"Or blood poisoning from the wood stain," Richard said.
"Guess I shouldn't tell you about his nasty habit of eating lead paint chips.”
"What?" Emily cried, horrified.
"Kidding, Mom," Lorelai said. "Quick, Grace, open up the present and distract the grandparents."
Grace complied, tearing open Rory's gift. Grace's eyes grew round as she looked at her loot. "Books!" she said. "Lots and lots of books!"
"Wow!" Lorelai exclaimed. "Hop on Pop, The Cat in the Hat, Green Eggs and Ham. I think you've got the entire Dr. Seuss collection now."
"We'll call Rory tonight and say thanks," Luke said.
Grace nodded. "Cool books," she whispered reverently.
Richard leaned forward to inspect the collection. "It's good to see another bookworm in the family."
Grace worked her way through the last of her gifts, modeling the pretty royal blue winter coat with matching muffler that Emily had selected, tooting out a wretched version of 'Happy Birthday' on the harmonica Richard had given her before generously allowing Xander to play with it, and trying to get the Furbies that Lorelai had presented her with to interact. Grace gave up and handed Xander the purple Furbie. "Here Xan, it talks," she said. Xander gave the Furbie a hard shake, and settled back in Lorelai's lap to chew contentedly on its fur.
"Looks like there's no more gifts." Babette pouted on Grace's behalf.
"I got lots of cool stuff," she said.
"You've got one more gift," Luke said. He pulled a slender black box from his pocket and handed it to his daughter.
"What's that?" Lorelai asked, narrowing her eyes.
Luke shrugged. "Nothing big," he said.
Grace took the box and opened it on its hinges. "Wow!" she held up the gift and showed it to Lorelai.
"Oh my," Lorelai said. "Well, how about that? So pretty, Turn around, I'll put it on for you.”
Lorelai pulled the necklace out of the box and fastened the clasp behind Grace's neck. "All set," she said.
"What did Poppy get you?" Emily asked. Grace walked over to Emily and poked her chin upward. "Well that's just lovely.”
"Uh huh." Grace modeled the necklace for the rest of the crowd, proudly showing off the delicate silver snowflake charm that Luke had given her. Grace ran to Luke after everyone had oohed and ahhed over her new necklace.
Luke leaned over and scooped Grace up into his arms.
"Thank you, Poppy," Grace whispered, planting a kiss on Luke's cheek and wrapping her arms tight around his neck. "It's the prettiest snowflake in all the world."
"Glad you like it," Luke said, and whispered into Grace's ear. "I think you're a much better snowflake than Stacy Keppler could ever be."
Grace giggled. "I think so, too," she whispered back.
"We'll show 'em next year.”
"Yeah," Grace said.
The party slowly wound down, and Emily, Lorelai, Sookie and Luke started cleaning up. Richard sat on the couch with Xander on his lap, and Grace at his side, struggling through a reading of 'Horton Hears a Who'. Richard helped Grace sound out the words she had trouble with, which were numerous still, but he was impressed with her growing ability to read, and told her so often. Xander had confiscated a fairy wand from Grace's birthday loot, and Grace had given up the struggle to reclaim it. Xander was now thoughtfully banging Richard's knee with the wand, stopping only long enough to occasional suck on the star on the tip. Richard magnanimously allowed Xander to whack him on the head ever so often. Emily returned to the couch to engage in some quality cuddling time with Grace before she and her husband left for the evening.
Lorelai noticed the group on the couch, grabbed her camera and tiptoed to the steps, zooming in on the unaware grandparents and grandchildren with the lens. She waited until everyone looked good and pressed the button. They looked up as the flash lit up the room. Xander smiled widely, too late, and whacked Richard on the head once more with Grace's wand.
Emily stood up. "I suppose it's time for Richard and I to leave," she said. "It's getting late."
Grace pouted. "Don't go Grammy.”
"It's almost your bedtime, sweetheart. I'm sure Mommy and Poppy want to spend some alone time with the birthday girl before you go to sleep.”
"Thank you for my coat, and my 'monica," Grace grinned, craning her neck to kiss Richard's cheek. She crawled off the couch and hugged her grandmother’s knees.
"You're very welcome, child." Richard stood and handed Xander to Lorelai.
"Mom mom," Xander chortled, whacking Lorelai on the shoulder with the wand.
"Gee thanks," Lorelai said as she unsuccessfully dodged the blow. "Thanks for coming, Mom, Dad." Lorelai smiled as Luke handed the Gilmores their coats.
"Thank you for inviting us," Emily said. "If you don't mind, I'd like a copy of that photo you took.”
"Absolutely," Lorelai said. "I'll bring it over next Friday."
The Gilmores said their goodbyes. Xander and Gracie were put to bed, and Luke and Lorelai finally got their chance to rest. They stretched out on the couch, exhausted.
Luke stroked her hair. "Birthday parties, hard work," he said.
"Just think how bad it's going to be next year.”
Luke sat up violently, nearly knocking Lorelai from the couch. "You’re not serious, are you?
Lorelai laughed. "Sucker.”
"You suck," he said, falling back against the couch. "You almost gave me a heart attack."
"That was the point.” She cast a side-long glance at her husband. "Would it be so bad, having another baby?”
"You want another baby?"
"Well, maybe not this minute, but then, you know, we don't have a lot of time to make babies anymore.” Lorelai picked up a discarded ribbon and twirled it in her hand.
"True.” Luke sighed and ran a hand over his grizzled cheeks. “I don't want to be ninety years old with a four year old tramping on my oxygen tubes.”
She gave his forearm a squeeze. "Maybe we could just think about one more?"
"You're really serious about this?" Luke asked.
She nodded slowly. "Yeah, I think so.”
Luke looked around the cramped living room. "Where in the hell are we going to put it?”
"We could rearrange things," she said. “We could relocate April and Rory’s beds into one room. They're rarely here at the same time."
"True," Luke said.
"It's kind of cozy, here, don't you think?"
"Cozy in the 'Excuse me, could you get your elbow out of my left nostril?' kind of way.” He rubbed his arm when Lorelai gave it a punch. "You really want another baby?"
"I'd like to try for one more. But only if you want to.”
"Oh, boy." Luke took off his baseball cap and ran his fingers through his hair. "This is a set-up, I just know it."
"No set-up.” She said. “If you really don't want to do it, it's okay.”
"Remember Jackson's four in four plan? Or was it five in five? Seven in seven?" Luke asked.
"Something like that," Lorelai said. "Why?"
"How did we end up actually carrying that plan out? We’re worse than bunnies.” He grit his teeth together and bowed his head. “Okay,” he said. “I’m in.”
She gasped and gripped his arm tighter. "Are you sure?"
"I guess so," Luke said with a sigh.
"Oh, yay" Lorelai grabbed his shirt and pulled him into a kiss.
"Mmm," Luke murmured against her lips. "Wanna start right now?"
Lorelai stood up and held out her hand. "Come here, my sexy little sperm factory. Let's go make some babies."
"Only if you wear that lacy little thong thing you've been claiming to own.” He wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck.
"How convenient." Lorelai grazed his earlobe with her teeth and gave a playful tug. "I happen to be wearing it right now."
Luke pulled away and turned her toward the steps. "Upstairs. Now.”
Chapter 10: Grandma, What Big Eyes You Have
"Look at us," Liz smiled at Luke. "You're here, I'm here, it Christmas, we're living in the same town, our kids are growing up together. Dad would shit a brick if he saw how normal we turned out to be, you know?"
"Normal?" Luke asked, regarding the scene before him. Xander was propped up near the Christmas tree, methodically trying to remove a piece of tape from one finger, only to get it stuck on another finger time after time. Grace was twirling around the living room in the new tutu Santa had left under the tree for her, as the strains of "Dance This Mess Around" by the B-52s floated out of April's new Ipod speakers. Doula and T.J. were immersed in a terse game of Chutes and Ladders that had somehow developed a twenty dollar pot that was on the line. April was sprawled out in a chair reading Nietzsche, and Jess was hovering by the fireplace, trying to avoid Liz. Lorelai and Rory were sequestered in the kitchen doing cappuccino shots off of the new cappuccino machine Lorelai received as a gift. All of this was happening as Liz and Luke were sprawled on the couch discussing their so-called normalcy.
Liz shrugged. "Well, at least as close to normal as we're capable of being," she admitted. "Besides, none of these guys have ever had to go looking for their socks in a dishwasher."
"Never going to let me live that down, are you?" Luke mumbled.
"You're a good brother," Liz grinned. "You were a pretty sucky mother, but you're turning out to be one hell of a father."
"Thanks," Luke smiled, looking at his kids happily.
Lorelai and Rory returned to the living room, practically vibrating from all the caffeine they had just consumed.
Rory sat on the floor, leaning against April's chair and playfully smacking her dangling feet away. Lorelai curled up on the couch next to Luke.
"Thanks again for the book, Jess," Rory smiled shyly. "I forgot how soothing Robert Frost's poetry could be."
"No problem," Jess shrugged nervously. "I figured it would be a good evening stress-buster for unwinding from those hectic days as Lois Lane, Super Reporter."
Rory thumbed through the collection and began reading aloud."The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep..."
"And miles to go before I sleep," Grace sang out as she helicoptered past Rory and April.
Rory, Jess, and April stared at the spinning girl, mouths agape.
"How in the hell did she know that?" Jess asked in shock.
"Kid must be a genius,' April laughed.
"Freaky," Rory muttered.
"Maybe she's an idiot savant," Jess cracked, watching Grace trip over Xander and sprawl on the floor.
"I heard that," Luke growled. "Don't make me get up out of my seat."
"My bad," Jess exclaimed. "She probably just inherited your deep love of iambic pentameter."
"Shut it," Luke grumped.
"What IS your favorite poem, Luke?" Rory teased.
"Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay..." April intoned solemnly
"Rage, rage against the dying of the light," Rory cried dramatically, placing the back of her hand to her forehead.
"Funny guys, aren't you?" Luke groaned.
"You two are all wrong," Jess replied. "His favorite poem is 'There once was a man from Venus, who's head was shaped like a...'."
"Jess!" April, Rory, Liz, Luke and Lorelai all shouted in horror.
"I'm just sayin'," Jess grinned.
"Bunch of savages in this town," Lorelai sighed, smiling down at Xander as he crawled toward her.
"Having fun, baby boy?" Lorelai cooed as she pulled Xander up into her lap.
"Ungh," Xander grunted in annoyance, shaking his hand violently, still trying to rid himself of the offending piece of tape clinging to his fingers.
"Here, kiddo," Lorelai laughed as she pulled the tape off of him. Xander collapsed back against Lorelai in relief. He grabbed her hand and began chewing on her knuckle.
Luke looked quizzically at the boy. "Told you we should have bought his some rawhide for his stocking."
"He's cutting another tooth," Lorelai scowled, defending Xander's obsessive need to chew.
"Blerx!" Xander agreed, reaching over to pat Luke on the arm.
"Blerx is right," Luke agreed as he grabbed Xander and pulled the boy into his own lap.
"Hey!" Lorelai sulked.
"Share," Luke chided.
"You're one to talk," Lorelai said, pouting.
"Where's the daddy?" Luke asked, standing Xander up on his lap and bouncing him up and down.
"Da, Da, Da, Da, toot!" Xander chanted, giving Luke's nose a tweak.
"Ouch," Luke winced.
"Outs," Xander repeated softly.
"No, wait, he's safe," Luke joked. "Next batter up, he swings, and line drive up the middle, look at him go..."
"It's a gapper!" Grace cried, jumping up and down behind the couch.
"Always a gapper when Manny's at the bat," Luke said approvingly.
Grace leaned over the back of the couch between Luke and Lorelai. "I'm going to marry Manny," she sighed dreamily.
"Good grief," Lorelai moaned. "You've polluted her brain. Now I have to deal with another baseball junkie in the house."
Luke nodded. "The girl has good taste. And the greatest baseball team in the world is?"
"Red Sox!" Grace squealed.
"And don't you forget it, baby girl," Luke grinned.
"It's such a shame that you got hurt in your senior year," Liz remembered sadly. "You were a really great pitcher."
"I thought Luke was the big man on campus because of track," Rory pointed out.
"He was really great at track, but Luke was a hard-core, bad-ass pitcher," Liz beamed proudly.
"Really?" Lorelai asked.
"I told you I pitched," Luke shrugged.
"You didn't mention that you were that good," Lorelai muttered. "You said you could have played in college, but you hurt your arm, and you had to stay home with your dad anyway."
"Luke had recruiters chasing him down the street," Liz clarified. "The biggest schools in the country were fighting over him."
"Seriously?" Jess asked, intrigued.
"It was no big deal," Luke sighed, trying to focus on the game of pattycake he was engaging in with Xander.
"Liz said he had a ninety-something mile per hour fast pitch, " T.J. piped in.
"That fast?" April asked, sitting upright.
"Not all the time," Luke shrugged. "They just happened to clock one of my pitches at 97 when the recruiters were hanging around."
"What did they call you during baseball season?" Liz asked, scrunching up her face as she tried to remember the name.
"Butch!" Rory giggled.
"Yeah, but no, they called you Dead-Eye, didn't they?" Liz laughed.
"I don't remember anymore," Luke groaned. "Can we change the topic now?"
"Geez," Jess muttered, impressed. "97 miles per hour. That's like, Nolan Ryan caliber."
"Not exactly," Luke shook his head, blushing a little.
"So you turned down college to stay with Grandpa?" Jess asked, trying to tread lightly on the delicate subject matter that William Danes tended to be for Luke.
"He blew out his rotator cuff at practice," Liz sighed. "I was there when he did it, too."
"You were?" Luke asked, surprised.
"I was under the bleachers with Carrie, you know, smoking a little wacky weed?" Liz whispered.
"Wow, I didn't know you were there," Luke said.
"Yeah, our friend Dave was the shortstop," Liz explained. "He swore he could hear a pop or a crack or something and you just dropped like a ton of bricks. I looked up and you were flat on your back, the coach was hovering over you, and you were screaming your head off."
"I wasn't screaming," Luke yelped.
"Not girly screaming, it was very manly..um, grunting and groaning. You really looked like you were in a hell of a lot of pain."
"Thanks for checking on me," Luke said dryly.
"Hey, I couldn't get busted," Liz said apologetically.
"It really hurt," Luke admitted, shaking his head. "I had to have surgery, and I was laid up for months afterward. No more baseball, no more college."
"That sucks, babe," Lorelai said sympathetically.
"You could have gone pro, couldn't you?" Jess mused.
Luke shrugged. "That was the goal. But, it didn't happen. It is what it is," Luke sighed.
"Yay!" Xander interjected, inappropriately.
"Thanks for your support," Luke snarked at the boy.
"Bliggit," Xander muttered, and stuffed a corner of Luke's flannel shirt into his mouth.
"Well, on that note, I'm going to go check the turkey," Lorelai announced, patting Luke on his knee and wandering out into the kitchen.
"What does she think she's going to do with the turkey?" Rory wondered.
"She's going to open the oven, stare at the turkey, let all the heat out, close the door, and come out here to tell me to come look," Luke explained.
"Ah," Rory laughed.
"She'll actually know what she's looking for in another 12 years or so," April giggled.
"Baby steps," Jess smirked.
"I win!" T.J. roared, scooping up the twenty dollars laying on the floor. "In your face, kid," he crowed.
Doula rolled her eyes and climbed up next to Liz. "Daddy is a dork," she sighed.
"Yes, baby, I know," Liz nodded.
"Hey, Poppy," Grace whispered, climbing over the back of the couch into Lorelai's spot.
"What's up, monkey?" Luke asked, dodging as Xander reached back over his head to tweak Luke's nose again.
"I'm sorry you didn't get to play baseball," Grace said.
"It's okay," Luke smiled. "If I played baseball, things would have been a lot different."
"How?" Grace asked, poking Xander in the belly and making him giggle.
"I wouldn't have met your Mommy, probably, which means no Gracie, and no Xan."
"But you would have got to play baseball," Grace sighed.
"Baw!" Xander hooted, giving Luke's left ear a big tug.
"No comparison," Luke laughed. "I wouldn't trade you nutballs even for a shot at pitching in the Series."
"That's good," Grace smiled, fluffing her tutu. "I don't like baseball THAT much, anyway."
"I kind of figured," Luke winked at Grace.
"Hey, Luke?" Lorelai called from the kitchen, "Come look at the turkey and see what you think, will you?"
Luke stood up and plopped Xander in between Liz and Grace. "Duty calls," he grinned. "Entertain your brother until I get back," he said to Grace. "And don't let him fall off the couch."
"I'll be here with them, don't worry, bro," Liz said as Luke walked away.
"I meant don't YOU let him fall off the couch," Luke shot back over his shoulder.
Luke walked into the kitchen. "What's wrong with the turkey?" he asked, folding his arms across his chest.
"Nothing," Lorelai grinned, snaking her arms around Luke's waist. "Just wanted a minute alone with Dead-Eye Danes."
Luke grinned as he pulled Lorelai up against him. "Big fan of the jocks, are ya?"
"Oh, yes," Lorelai murmured, nipping playfully along Luke's jawline. "What big arms, you have, Dead-Eye," she giggled, running her hands up and down Luke's biceps.
"The better to squeeze you with, my dear," Luke rasped as he dipped his head to taste Lorelai's neck.
"Mmm," Lorelai sighed. "What soft lips you have, Dead-Eye."
"The better to kiss you with, my dear," Luke whispered, brushing Lorelai's lips with his own. Luke teased Lorelai's lower lip with his teeth, tugging playfully.
"And what strong teeth you have, Dead-Eye," Lorelai gasped right before Luke plunged his tongue deep into her mouth, massaging her tongue with his own.
Luke broke the kiss long enough to reply. "The better to nibble on your naughty bits with, my dear," he grinned, eyes twinkling as his lips returned to hers.
Luke guided Lorelai to the counter and leaned her against it, still kissing her, and slipping his hands under her shirt. Lorelai moaned quietly. "What big hands you have, Dead-Eye," she panted as Luke kneaded her breasts.
"The better to tease you with, my dear," Luke groaned as he ground his hardness into Lorelai's hip.
Lorelai drew Luke's earlobe into her mouth, sucking gently. Her hand slowly traveled down Luke's stomach, and she trailed her fingers down the front of Luke's suddenly tight jeans. "Oh, Dead-Eye, she moaned. "What a big..."
Luke jumped back from Lorelai, panting heavily. "Go," he wheezed. "Upstairs. I'll meet you in five minutes."
"What are you going to do?" Lorelai frowned.
Luke gulped. "I'll be up...as soon as I can walk," he mumbled.
Lorelai smiled wickedly as she started to sneak out of the kitchen. "I'll be waiting," she smiled seductively.
"Go, now," Luke pleaded, opening up the refrigerator for a blast of cool air.
"Oh, and one more thing, Dead-Eye," Lorelai teased.
"What's that?" Luke panted, eyeing Lorelai warily.
Lorelai approached Luke and grabbed his baseball cap off of his head. She waved it around and stuck it on her own head. "This is the ONLY thing I'm going to be wearing," she sang as she tiptoed out of the kitchen.
"Aw, Geez," Luke whimpered as Lorelai disappeared. He leaned his head on the freezer door, counted to fifty, poked his head out of the kitchen, waited until everyone was distracted, and bolted up the stairs to retrieve his baseball cap.
Chapter 11: What's New, Pussycat?
"Can we go to the Chat Club when we're done?" Grace pleaded as she and Luke walked down the sidewalk, Luke pushing Xander in a stroller.
"The Chat Club?" Luke asked.
"Yeah, I like kitties. Can we get Mommy a kitty for Valentine's Day?" Grace begged.
"No way," Luke grunted.
"Why not?" Grace prodded.
"We've already got a dog," Luke explained.
"So?" Grace pouted.
"So, Paul Anka is already enough of a pussy...cat. We don't need another pet," Luke said with finality.
"Please?" Grace pushed.
"No," Luke said firmly.
"But, please," Grace whined.
"I thought I just heard myself say no. I'm pretty sure I heard that, didn't you?" Luke said, a look of warning in his eyes as he gazed down at his daughter.
"But, Poppy, Xander wants a kitty too, right Xander?" Grace asked her brother hopefully.
"Merkz!" Xander yelled up from his position in the stroller.
"See?" Luke chuckled. "He wants a merkz, not a cat."
"Please, Poppy?" Grace pressed.
"Ask your mother, I'm sure she'll say the same thing," Luke said.
"But it won't be a surprise then," Grace explained.
"You want a cat for yourself, not Mommy, I may be a sucker for some of your tricks, but I wasn't born yesterday," Luke shot back.
"Mommy would really like a kitty. She told me if we had a kitty, we'd call it Miss Kitty Fantastico," Grace argued.
"Drop it, kid," Luke grunted as they crossed the street. "We're not getting a cat right now."
"Then what ARE we getting Mommy for Valentine's Day?" Grace sighed in defeat.
"Flowers and candy and stuff, I guess," Luke explained as they approached the flower shop.
"Boooring," Grace sang.
"It's Valentine's Day, Mommy likes the boring stuff, for some reason," Luke shrugged.
"Guess we'll get dumb old flowers then," Grace huffed.
"Good, so let's get in here and pick out some dumb old flowers," Luke sighed, shaking his head at the stubborn little girl pouting her way into the flower shop ahead of him.
"Puddy!" Xander bellowed as Luke and Grace inspected the assortment of holiday bouquets.
"Very pretty," Luke agreed. "See anything good, G?"
"Red roses are boring," Grace said, wrinkling her nose and digging through the display for a better color scheme. "Mommy likes pink roses. And daisies," she muttered as she yanked out a bundle of pale pink roses.
"Puddy, puddy!" Xander cried, lurching toward the flowers in Grace's hands.
Grace tilted the bouquet toward Xander. "They smell nice. Sniff 'em, Xan."
Xander buried his face in the flowers and snorted air out through his nose.
"She said sniff them, not snot on them," Luke muttered, rolling his eyes.
"Gross!" Grace yelled, pulling the flowers away from the boy. Xander suddenly sneezed so violently that he tumbled back into his stroller.
"Good grief," Luke groaned, pulling a tissue out of his pocket and wiping Xander's nose as the boy let out another series of wet sneezes. Luke tried to avoid the spray, but he was too slow.
"Yuck," Luke grimaced, holding his hand out in disgust. "Grab me a wet wipe, will you, monkey?" he asked as Grace rooted in the diaper bag, producing the box of wipes.
"Yuck," Xander said somberly.
"Add roses to the ever-expanding list of things you're allergic to, kiddo," Luke said as he cleaned off his hand.
"Poppy!" Grace squealed, running over to Luke. "Look what I found. Glitter daisies! Can I get Mommy glitter daisies?" she begged, showing Luke a bundle of yellow daisies coated in sparkling silver glitter dust.
"Yeah," Luke smiled. "Right up your mom's alley. Here, want to pay for these yourself?" he asked, handing Grace a handful of money.
"Can I keep the rest?" Grace asked slyly.
"Doubtful," Luke grinned. "Good try, though."
"Fine," Grace sighed, marching over to the counter and standing on her tiptoes as she paid for the flowers. She returned to Luke, handing him the flowers and change.
"Pleasure doing business with you," Luke said as Xander erupted into another round of violent sneezes.
"Oh!" the boy wheezed, flopping back in his stroller again in exhaustion from the assault on his nose.
Let's get out of here before Xan's nasal passages collapse on themselves," Luke muttered, pulling the stroller back out onto the sidewalk. "Where to next?"
"Candy at Taylor's," Grace chirped as the trio aimed for Taylor's Old Fashioned Ice Cream Shoppe.
"Hello, Lucas," Taylor smiled suspiciously as the threesome entered his shop. "How can I help you on this fine afternoon?"
"We need Valentine's candy for Mommy, Mr. Doose," Grace explained as she peered into a barrel of jawbreaker candies.
"Well, young lady, we have a fine assortment of imported chocolates for the occasion," Taylor said in a businesslike tone. "Are you interested in purchasing the traditional heart shaped box, or would you like to pick one of our lovely velour wrapped..."
"This is Lorelai we're talking about, Taylor," Luke interjected, looking at Taylor wearily.
"Fine," Taylor sighed, rolling his eyes. "Fill a bag, and don't let the little tykes finger up the merchandise."
"Go to it," Luke declared to Grace, opening up a bag as they both began to pick out Lorelai's favorite candies.
"Blowpops!" Grace squealed, grabbing a handful and stuffing them into the bag.
"Cherry or grape Ring Pops?" Luke muttered as they split up to shop.
"Both," Grace said from the other side of the store. Luke pulled a few of each flavor out of the barrel and plopped them in the bag.
"Pixie Sticks," Grace cried.
"Milk Duds," Luke called out.
"Cow Tails," Grace hollered back.
"Muk!" Xander yelped, trying in vain to grab a bag of licorice as Luke pushed the stroller through the shop.
"Got some Pop Rocks," Luke grinned.
"Sour Patch Kids!" Grace shouted, bringing her armload of candy to Luke. Luke opened the bag as wide as he could while Grace leaned over and allowed her finds to fall in. Grace and Luke scoured the shop, grabbing every piece of candy that shouted 'Lorelai' to them. The bag was brimming when they finally finished. Luke gave in and bought Grace a bag of Gummi Bears, and Xander a packet of heart shaped Peeps. Luke paid for the candy and guided the children to the town square, sitting on the steps of the gazebo with Grace to take inventory of their loot.
"Okay, let's see what we have," Luke muttered. "Flowers..."
"Check," Grace said, straightening the cellophane on the bouquets of roses and daisies.
"Candy..."
"Check."
"Cards..."
"Check."
"Hello Kitty gift bags for the loot."
"Check."
"Tissue paper..."
"Check."
"Grown up gift from the Daddy..."
"Check. Can I see the grown up gift?" Grace asked.
Luke pulled a long velvet covered box from his inner coat pocket and opened it for Grace.
"Wow," she gasped. "It's even prettier than my snowflake," she said, fingering the necklace. The chain was a delicate length of gold, four tiny gold stars linked together, with a different colored jewel in the center of each.
"What are those for?" Grace asked.
"There's a star for each of you crazy kids," Luke explained. "That star is for Rory, that one is for April, that one is for you, and that one is for Xander. Those are your birthstones."
"Pretty," Grace whispered.
"You think your Mommy will like it?" Luke asked uncertainly.
"Yeah," Grace nodded in approval. "More than the candy, I bet."
"Good," Luke laughed. "Then I guess we are all prepared for Valentine's Day dinner tonight, aren't we?"
"All set," Grace agreed. "Xander's making a mess again."
Luke looked at Xander, who had red Peep sugar and marshmallow stuck all over his face, and was methodically squeezing another Peep into his mittens. "Oops," Luke groaned. "We should have been keeping an eye on that situation. I think his hands are fused together." Luke reached in to the stroller and tried to pry Xander's hands apart.
"Uhhh...I think we're going to have to buy new mittens. I think these are toast," he sighed as Grace giggled at the baby's predicament.
"Oof," Xander said, emphasizing his dilemma.
"Oof is right," Luke smiled as he tried to pick marshmallow goo off of Xander's gloves.
"If I didn't see it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it," a woman's voice said cheerfully.
Luke looked up and gulped. "Rachel?" he asked. Grace narrowed her eyes and stared at the strange woman standing before them.
"Hi Luke," she smiled nervously. "How've you been?"
"Uh, um...well, good, I've been good," Luke stammered. "What are you doing here?"
"Just passing through," Rachel smiled. "Figured I'd swing by Stars Hollow, stop in and say hi to some of the old gang before I caught my flight tonight. I haven't heard from you in so long, and the rumor mill was absolutely churning about your big life changes, so I figured I'd have to see it for myself."
Luke laughed nervously. "Yeah, well, um...I've been pretty busy these last few years, guess I should have dropped you a line."
"Looks like you've been more than a little busy, my friend." Rachel laughed, sitting down beside Luke. "So, introduce me to this motley crew."
"Oh, yeah, um...this is my daughter, Gracie, Grace, this is Rachel," Luke said, putting his arm around Grace's shoulder.
Grace stared at Rachel, not very kindly.
"Nice to meet you, Grace," Rachel grinned. "You have very pretty eyes."
"Just like my Mommy," Grace said, jutting her chin out. "Her name is Lorelai Victoria Danes. She has brown hair, and blue eyes, and she's the prettiest girl in the world," Grace stated tersely, silently daring Rachel to contradict her.
"And you look just like your Mommy," Rachel nodded. "You're a lucky girl."
"Down, Cujo," Luke muttered nervously to Grace. "Um, yeah, and this sticky mess here is Xander."
"Aw, hiya, Xander," Rachel laughed, picking some marshmallow goo off the tip of Xander's nose. "And you're definitely the spitting image of your old dad."
"Toot, toot," Xander replied.
"Well, allrighty, then," Rachel laughed. "Wow, Luke, look at you, Mister Head of Household. I gotta say, I'm kind of blown away, here."
Luke shrugged. "Not the first guy in the world to settle down and crank out some kids," he said shyly. "Did the rumor mill mention April, my first kid?"
"The Anna Nardini surprise of the century? Yeah, she was mentioned," Rachel laughed. "Talk about a soap opera. Do you want to know something weird?
"What?" Luke asked.
"I ran into her in Hartford years ago," Rachel said. "We were on one of our breaks, and I was in the area, but too chicken to actually come back to town because I wasn't up to seeing you yet. She had this little girl with her, and Anna was really twitchy, and wasn't interested in catching up on Stars Hollow gossip, or anything else, for that matter. I thought it was kind of weird, but I figured it was the old 'we've dated the same person' kind of twitchiness, and that kid looked so familiar, but I didn't think anything of it. And then when Amy and Jen mentioned that you had a teenage daughter show up on your doorstep, and Anna was the mother, I nearly choked. I met April when she was a baby," Rachel exclaimed.
"Geez," Luke groaned. "Unbelievable. You met my kid before I did. That makes me happy."
"I didn't mean to upset you," Rachel said. "Great. All I wanted to do was see you for a few minutes, and I've grumped you out. Way to go, Rach."
"No, I'm not upset, sorry, I still get a little, um, perturbed when I think of the way things...went," Luke muttered, editing himself since Grace was hovering nearby, shooting icy glares at Rachel.
"Understandable," Rachel nodded. "And I think completely unfair and uncool, for the record. So anyway, Luke, you're MARRIED. Again."
"Dammit," Luke muttered.
"What?" Rachel giggled.
"The rumor mill didn't forget about Nicole yet, huh?" Luke sighed.
"Nope, but hey, how could they? Eloping on a cruise? Not typical Luke Danes behavior." Rachel pointed out.
"Hey, Poppy," Grace interrupted grumpily. "Xander fell asleep and he needs new mittens," she reminded Luke.
"Just a sec, baby girl," Luke said, cringing at the look on Grace's face.
"Poppy?" Rachel murmured, trying not to laugh.
"Don't ask," Luke groaned.
Grace wandered a few feet away, pretending to skip, but keeping a wary eye on Rachel and Luke.
Rachel followed Luke's eyes as he watched Grace warily himself. "She doesn't like me very much," Rachel noted.
"You're encroaching on her Mommy's territory. Gracie can be a bit of a pit bull, sometimes," Luke sighed.
"Hmm, so she's as much her father's daughter as she is her mother's," Rachel smirked.
"Yeah, something like that," Luke grinned. "It's good to see you, Rach. I wanted to write, but..."
"I understand," Rachel nodded. "I don't really have a place in your life anymore. I get it. I hate it, but I get it."
Luke pulled Xander's blanket up closer to his face, making sure the boy wasn't cold, even though it was a pretty mild day for February. "I'm kind of focused on the homefront," Luke explained.
"Guess I couldn't convince you to drop me an email every once in a while, huh?" Rachel sighed.
"Sorry," Luke admitted. "It's just...I finally got things right with Lorelai, and it wasn't easy. We almost didn't make it. Mostly because of my idiocy, but some of hers as well. I just...I can't do anything to wreck it. Even though I'm where I want to be, and it would be completely innocent, I'm not going to...I can't do it...I can't pal around with my ex-girlfriend. I'd go insane if she did it, I can't do it to her. I mean, if you're in town, I'd love to see you, I'm not going to run away from you, and I do like to catch up with you, but I can't..."
"It's okay," Rachel smiled. "I understand. Don't get so worked up. Geez, Luke. This...these kids...just, wow," she muttered. "Boy, do I really know how to make stupid choices, or what? I'm jealous. I'm jealous of Lorelai, I'm jealous of you, I'm just so jealous. Here I am all these years later, and I have my camera and a pocket full of film. You have a life. A family. And I walked away one too many times, and you did everything I really did want with you, with someone else. God, I'm an idiot. I'm jealous. But I'm happy for you. I'm so deliriously happy for you, and I just wanted you to know that I'm glad you got to do all this. I'm glad you didn't wait for me, because you deserve all of this, Luke," she sighed.
"Thanks," Luke whispered.
"You're happy?" Rachel asked.
"No words," Luke grinned. "There are just no words for it."
"Good," Rachel smiled, patting Luke on the knee. "That's all I wanted to hear."
"I'm happy," Luke smiled. "You'll get to do all this too, when you're ready for it, Rach."
"I hope so," she chuckled. "My bar is raised really high right now." Rachel stood up. "Guess it's time for me to hit the road. Again."
Luke stood up also. "The Anywhere-But-Here Girl strikes again," he said, giving Rachel a warm hug. "It was good to see you again, Rach."
"It was good to see you too, Luke," Rachel smiled, her eyes filling with tears. She touched Luke's face. "Damn, I'm an idiot," she laughed and turned and walked away quickly.
Luke watched Rachel walk away, and heaved a huge sigh. He peeked in the stroller at Xander. "Hey, Gracie, let's roll out before the kid turns into an ice cube," Luke called.
Grace walked back to Luke. "Is that girl gone now?" she asked crossly.
"She's gone," Luke nodded.
"I don't like her," Grace pouted. "Who is she?"
"Just an old friend," Luke smiled.
Luke and Grace walked silently for a while, as Xander dozed peacefully in the stroller.
"Do you think she's as pretty as Mommy?" Grace asked finally.
"She's a very pretty girl," Luke admitted. "But, your Mommy, she's something else."
"Like what?" Grace prodded.
"Your Mommy, she's the most beautiful woman in the whole world," Luke stated emphatically. "Maybe even in the whole universe."
"How come?" Grace asked.
"How come?" Luke mused, stopping and bending over Grace. "Because, she gave me you," he grinned, poking Grace softly in the nose with his index finger. "And she gave me Xander. That makes her number one in my book, you understand?"
"Yeah," Grace giggled. "And you should give her a kitty for that."
"You're such a con-artist," Luke laughed as they walked toward their front yard. "Just do me one little favor?"
"What?" Grace asked, climbing the porch steps.
"Just let ME tell your Mommy about us running into Rachel today, okay? It'll make the evening go much smoother if she hears it from me," Luke pleaded.
Grace smiled evilly at Luke. "Will you let me get a kitty?"
"Don't try to blackmail me," Luke growled. "Besides, Xander's probably allergic to cats. He's probably allergic to glass. This kid sneezes at everything. I'm surprised he isn't allergic to Paul Anka. But maybe, someday, a long time down the road, we could possibly have a discussion about the very unlikely potential of having a cat around the house. Someday," Luke said.
"Got it," Grace nodded.
"I'm still leaning towards 'no'," Luke warned Grace.
"Okay," Grace nodded somberly.
"You may end up with a stuffed animal named Miss Kitty Fantastico," Luke said.
"Only if she's purple," Grace negotiated wisely.
"Good," Luke nodded as they entered the house. "As long as we're clear on the definition of 'no'.
Chapter 12: Do You Love Me? Check Yes Or No
Lorelai plopped onto her side of the bed and sighed sadly and dramatically.
"Oh, now what?" Luke grumped, pulling the blankets up to his waist.
"Nothing," Lorelai replied, sighing more deeply.
"Stop it," Luke grumbled.
"Stop what?" Lorelai asked innocently.
"Stop trying to guilt trip me," Luke replied. "I didn't do anything wrong, and I told you about Rachel as soon as you got home."
"You were afraid Gracie was going to rat you out," Lorelai snorted.
"I KNEW Gracie would rat me out," Luke sighed. "The kid tried to blackmail me into getting her a kitty in exchange for her silence."
"I trained her well," Lorelai chuckled.
"You did," Luke smiled. "You should have seen her, if looks could kill, Rachel would have been nothing but a scorch mark on the steps of the gazebo."
"Smart kid," Lorelai said. "She knows exactly where you belong, and it's definitely not at Rachel's side."
"I know exactly where I belong, too," Luke said. "Believe me, you're the only one I want at my side."
"I know, Babe," Lorelai smiled. "I have to say, I'm enjoying the fact that I had a second-hand 'neener-neener' moment, knowing that one of those mean girls who broke your heart is feeling the sting of having let you slip through their fingers right into my lap. That's really mean of me, isn't it?"
"Yes," Luke agreed. "But I'm glad I still inspire 'neener-neener' feelings in you."
"Oh, you do," Lorelai assured Luke. "I'm going to get a shirt that says, 'Back Off Bitch, He's Mine!'."
"I'd like to see that," Luke laughed.
Lorelai rolled onto her side and dragged her finger up Luke's forearm. "Thank you for my necklace, Luke. It's so gorgeous. And I'm so glad you included Rory and April. I love that you thought to give me a reminder that we're all one big family."
"I love Rory just as much as I love April and Gracie and Xander," Luke murmured, rolling toward Lorelai.
"And I love April just as much as I love Rory and Gracie and Xander," Lorelai said.
"And thank you for my Valentine's Day hacksaw," Luke laughed. "Even though I refuse to leave the heart shaped puffy stickers on the handle."
"Aw, come on," Lorelai pleaded. "I felt bad buying you tools for Valentine's Day."
"I'm a guy," Luke grunted. "I have no use for Valentine's Day, unless I'm exploiting it to add to my tool collection."
"Oh!" Lorelai gasped, sitting up in the bed.
"What's wrong?" Luke asked with a frown.
"I almost forgot, I got you something else," Lorelai smiled. "Be right back," she said as she ran into the bathroom.
"What, you have to pee before you get my gift?" Luke asked as she shut the bathroom door. He picked up the newspaper on his nightstand and began to scan the Sports section.
Lorelai emerged from the bathroom a couple of minutes later, and quietly approached the bed. She pulled the newspaper out of Luke's hands. "Like your Valentine's Day present?" she asked.
Luke looked up and gulped. Lorelai was wearing a very sheer black negligee. She fingered a flimsy lace strap with one hand, and with the other hand, played with the hem of the negligee, which barely brushed her upper thighs. A delicate blush colored ribbon laced up the front, the bow tied between Lorelai's breasts.
"Luke?" Lorelai grinned. "Cat got your tongue?"
"Uh-huh," Luke breathed, sitting upright on the edge of the bed.
"Want to unwrap your present?" Lorelai murmured.
"Uh-huh," Luke repeated, grasping Lorelai by the waist and pulling her close. He slowly explored Lorelai's body with his hands, groaning at the sensation of the warmth of her skin radiating through the soft fabric. He gently squeezed Lorelai's ass and began moving his hands up her back, massaging her along the way with his thumbs.
"Mmm," Lorelai smiled, closing her eyes as Luke traced a path across her body. He returned his hands to her waist and allowed them to wander upward. Lorelai gave him room to explore by placing her hands on Luke's shoulders.
Lorelai shivered as she felt Luke's thumbs brush the sides of her breasts. He circled his thumbs briefly, smiling as he watched Lorelai bite her bottom lip, then worked his way down to her waist again. Luke moved his hands inward, softly caressing the slightly rounded area below her belly button.
"Not such a flat belly anymore, huh?" Lorelai whispered, opening her eyes.
Luke stared up at Lorelai, his eyes turning a smoky grey as his arousal grew. "Beautiful," he whispered back hoarsely. "So feminine, so soft. I love your belly. It was my babies' home. I love it." Luke placed several soft kisses on her abdomen to emphasize his point.
"Oh, man," Lorelai said softly. "You're good. You're really good," she grinned as she bent down, softly brushing Luke's lips with her own. "Love those lips," she murmured, moaning as she felt the tip of Luke's tongue drift across her lower lip. Lorelai deepened the kiss, allowing Luke to explore her mouth with his tongue. She felt Luke's hands drift upward, grazing the underside of her breasts, and she moaned more deeply at the warm flush that enveloped her at his touch.
"Door locked?" Luke muttered as he nibbled on Lorelai's lower lip.
"Huh?" Lorelai murmured as she chased Luke's tongue with her own.
"Door," Luke whispered, nipping at Lorelai's chin. "Audience potential."
"Oh," Lorelai gasped, standing up straight. "Hold that thought," she grinned as she ran to the door and turned the lock. She ran back to Luke, reached over and turned the baby monitor volume up, smoothed her negligee and put her hands back on Luke's shoulders. "Now where were we?" she laughed.
"Right about here," Luke sighed, pulling Lorelai close again. He blew gently on the flimsy fabric covering Lorelai's breasts, grinning as she squirmed in appreciation. Luke tilted his head up and gently nipped at one nipple, then the next, pulling back to watch as they hardened in response.
"More," Lorelai pleaded, pulling Luke's head to her breast again. Luke slowly drew Lorelai's nipple into his mouth, suckling gently through the sheerness of her negligee. Lorelai gasped at the dueling sensations of Luke's tongue and the wet fabric sliding across her erect nipple. "Don't forget over here," Lorelai panted, guiding Luke's head to her right breast.
Luke chuckled as he drew on her right nipple, sucking and teasing the tip with his tongue. "You're getting very demanding," he murmured, amused.
"I know what I want, and damn it, I'm going to get it," Lorelai giggled.
"What do you want?" Luke asked, kissing the soft skin between Lorelai's breasts.
"You," Lorelai whispered. "I always want you."
"You've got me," Luke rasped, sliding his hand slowly in between Lorelai thighs. "Any time you want me."
"Oh," Lorelai gasped as Luke's fingers grazed her wetness. "All the time. Want you all the time." She swallowed hard as Luke's finger began to slowly, steadily massage her clit.
"How much do you want me?" Luke asked huskily, sliding a finger inside Lorelai.
"Oh, boy," Lorelai whispered shakily as Luke began to rhythmically slide his finger in and out, teasing her clit with his thumb at the same time. "So much. Want you so much, baby. Need you so much," she moaned as she felt her arousal begin to overtake her.
"Do you want this, Lorelai?" Luke growled, inserting a second finger and thrusting harder.
"Yes," Lorelai hissed, her hips thrusting against Luke's hand.
"How about this?" Luke asked, moving his head toward his busy hand. "Do you want this?" he whispered as he teased her clit with the tip of his tongue, still thrusting inside of her with his fingers.
"God, yes," Lorelai whimpered, breathing heavily as she neared climax. "Please, I want it."
"Want what?" Luke growled, stopping.
"No," Lorelai cried softly at Luke's stillness.
"Want what, Lorelai?" Luke asked again.
"Want you to taste me. Want you to make me come with your tongue, your fingers," she pleaded. Luke slid to his knees and resumed thrusting into Lorelai with his fingers, faster now. With his free hand, Luke pulled Lorelai tight against him. Luke pressed his mouth against Lorelai's wet folds, moaning as her taste flooded his mouth. He began urgently sucking on Lorelai's clit, moaning louder as Lorelai grasped the back of his head, pressing him against her as he plunged his fingers inside her again and again.
"Luke, oh god, Luke," Lorelai moaned. Luke responded by massaging Lorelai's clit with the flat of his tongue in time to the rhythm of his thrusting fingers, and Lorelai felt the first waves of her orgasm begin to radiate throughout her body. "Jesus," she cried, "Oh, god, I'm coming, Luke, I'm going to come..." Luke began to suck fervently on Lorelai's clit, driving his fingers as deep inside of her as he could, as rapidly as he could, moaning loudly as Lorelai clutched his hair in her hands as she came hard, her inner walls clenching and spasming around Luke's fingers.
"Luke," Lorelai gasped as she rode out the waves of pleasure that tore through her. "Oh Luke, Luke, Luke," she chanted desperately, her body shaking involuntarily. Luke slowed his pace as he felt the spasms within Lorelai slowly diminish, allowing a few gentle final thrusts with his fingers before withdrawing them from her completely. Lorelai opened her eyes and looked down at Luke, blinking rapidly to try and focus on his face. Luke smiled up at her, still on his knees, and placed a soft kiss on the soft curls that framed her folds. Lorelai moaned as Luke inserted the fingers he had just used on her into his mouth, slowly sucking her wetness off of them, never breaking eye contact with her.
"Need to lay down?" Luke smirked as Lorelai swayed slightly before him.
"Mmmhmm," Lorelai replied, crawling into the bed and beckoning for Luke to follow her. "Let me...just lay here...just for a second," Lorelai gasped.
"Take your time," Luke smiled. "But I still haven't unwrapped my present yet."
"Do you really like my belly?" Lorelai giggled, holding her hand over her abdomen.
"I love your belly," Luke said sincerely, moving Lorelai's hand away. "I love all the changes to your body since you had the kids."
"Even the stretch marks?" Lorelai grimaced.
"How can I notice stretch marks, when you have all this happening?" Luke asked, leering pleasantly at Lorelai as she lounged on her back, the sheer fabric of her negligee draping softly around her.
"What exactly is happening here?" Lorelai asked.
"You were beautiful before the babies," Luke explained, laying on his side next to Lorelai. "But now, Christ, you're absolutely mind-blowing."
"How so?" Lorelai giggled.
"I've already told you, I love your belly. It's just so sexy, that little bit of curve you have there, and your waist, you've developed this great curve that drives me crazy, especially when you put those hip hugger jeans on. And don't get me started on your breasts. They're a little fuller, a little rounder, and I love that tear drop shape you have now."
"So you're not a big fan of perky, gravity defying breasts?" Lorelai snarked.
"You're still perky, dumbass," Luke groaned, "You just have this softness now, all over. Not squishiness, softness. Maybe it's just me. It just seems like...I don't know...maybe it's because I've watched you give birth twice now, and that blows my mind, and I have this whole different way of looking at you. You're just so amazingly feminine to me. Your body amazes me."
"Is my body a wonderland?" Lorelai laughed.
"Shut up," Luke murmured, rolling over to hover over Lorelai. "Now this," he grinned as he dipped his head to trail kisses along Lorelai's neck. "This is absolutely my favorite way of looking at you. No wait," Luke murmured as he untied the bow on Lorelai's negligee and began to pull the ribbon out of the tiny holes they were threaded through. He finally worked the ribbon free and spread the negligee away from Lorelai's body. "That's better," he smiled. "THIS is my favorite way of looking at you."
"Is it?" Lorelai sighed as Luke began to move his mouth down her neck, over her clavicle and between her breasts.
"It is," Luke replied softly, finding Lorelai's breast with his mouth again.
"Then this is where I want to be," Lorelai smiled, running her fingers through Luke's hair as he began to to kiss, lick and suck first one breast, then the other. "Mmmm," she moaned as she felt Luke's erection pressing into her hip. "Definitely where I want to be."
"I want out of these pj's," Luke groaned.
"Let me help you with that, Mr. Danes," Lorelai laughed as she guided the waist of Luke's flannel sleep pants over his hips and pushed them down to his thighs. Luke froze as she gently grasped his hardness and stroked him.
"Oh, boy," Luke muttered as he squirmed the rest of the way out of the pajama bottoms, kicking them onto the floor beside the bed. Luke returned his attention to Lorelai, kissing her passionately as she gently teased his shaft with the tips of her fingers.
"What inspired this?" Lorelai whispered as she rubbed herself against Luke.
"That right there is some pretty good inspiration," Luke gasped, as he drew Lorelai's earlobe into his mouth, sucking greedily.
"What do YOU want, Mr. Danes?" Lorelai whispered huskily, dragging her nails up Luke's back.
"You," Luke gasped, rubbing himself against Lorelai's wetness. "God, I want you."
"What do you want to do to me, Luke?" Lorelai whispered as she lifted her hips and rubbed against Luke, slicking his shaft with her wetness.
"Inside you, want to be inside you," Luke panted, grinding down into her folds.
"And what do you want to do there?" Lorelai prodded, kissing Luke's stubbly jaw line.
"Want to fuck you," Luke groaned. "Want to fuck you until you scream."
"Then do it," Lorelai panted. "Make me scream, Luke."
Luke pushed Lorelai's legs apart and thrust into her. "Oh, crap," Luke grunted, feeling Lorelai's inner walls clamp around his cock, hot and slick. Luke began to thrust insistently. "Crap, you're so hot, so wet," he moaned as he rhythmically plunged in and out.
"Luke, god, Luke, you're so hard," Lorelai gasped, thrusting her hips upward to meet Luke's pace. Luke began to alternate between thrusting and swiveling his hips, changing the manner in which he penetrated her with each plunge. Lorelai immediately began to lose herself in the rapid rise of her excitement with Luke's ever changing movements.
"Oh, Luke," she whimpered, arching into Luke as he continued his fevered lovemaking. "Luke, make me come again."
"That's the plan, Stan," Luke grunted and chuckled distractedly.
"Stop that," Lorelai gasped, slapping Luke in the arm.
"Sorry," Luke whispered and thrust deeply into Lorelai as a show of apology.
Lorelai sucked her breath in sharply. "S'ok," she muttered, feeling her inner muscles clamp uncontrollably around Luke's throbbing cock.
"Oh, Jesus," Luke cried out at the sensation and he lowered his head as he began to increase his pace. "Lorelai," he groaned warningly.
"I'm there," Lorelai gasped, thrusting her hips up wildly in response. "Almost there," she cried as she felt the first hints of her climax begin to grow. Lorelai wrapped her legs around Luke's waist, and Luke lowered himself onto his elbow, burying his face into Lorelai's curls as he pounded into her.
"Lorelai," Luke panted, trying to contain himself. Lorelai writhed beneath Luke, her climax suddenly wracking her body with the change in position.
"Luke," Lorelai cried. "Oh, god, Luke, god, I'm....oh, god!" Lorelai wailed, burying her face in Luke's neck as she tried to muffle her screams of ecstasy.
"Shit," Luke cried. "Oh, my god, Lorelai," He growled as he felt the force of his own orgasm overtake him at the same time. Luke thrust into Lorelai, hard and fast, as he felt her spasms grip and release his shaft, driving him into oblivion as he came, exploding inside of Lorelai. "Jesus," Luke rasped as he thrust uncontrollably a few more times, and collapsed on top of Lorelai.
Lorelai wrapped her arms around Luke, stroking his back as he tried to regain his composure. "You okay there, Babe?" she muttered, still breathing heavily.
Luke nodded and rolled off of Lorelai. "Okay," he whispered shakily, gasping for air.
"That," Lorelai grinned sleepily, "Was pretty damn good."
Luke nodded again, still not quite able to access the speech center of his brain. "Uh-huh."
Lorelai rolled toward Luke, laying her head on his shoulder as Luke stretched his arm out around her. "That could have been a baby-maker for sure," she giggled.
"It ought to be," Luke sighed. "I think I blew out an eardrum."
"I even made you drop the f-bomb," she teased in triumph.
"Desperate measures," Luke grinned. "It's not like I don't cuss."
"No, you just tend to have to be really riled up to utter that particular word," Lorelai noted.
"Believe me, I was riled up," Luke chuckled.
"I noticed," Lorelai said with a yawn.
Luke pulled his arm away from Lorelai and sat up, dragging his pajama bottoms toward him with his foot.
"No, where are you going? Don't take the warm body away," Lorelai moaned, grabbing for a blanket.
"Checking on the troops before we fall asleep, make sure we didn't wake them up and scar them for life with all the making sex," Luke sighed as he stood up and pulled on his pants. "We really can't afford therapists for them."
"That's why we spoil them with things like kitty cats," Lorelai said, stretching leisurely.
"Yeah, right," Luke laughed as he headed for the bedroom door. Luke paused and turned around, arching an eyebrow at Lorelai. "We're not getting her a cat," he growled.
"Oh, come on, Luke, a cat would be nice," Lorelai pleaded.
"What about Xander?" Luke asked.
"What about him?" Lorelai asked, sitting up and searching the room for potential pajama substitutes.
"He's allergic to WATER practically," Luke pointed out. "How are we supposed to get a cat, when odds are pretty good, that cat will send him to the hospital?"
"Well, we could take him to a shelter, play with the cat that we pick out, and see if he reacts to it," Lorelai said.
"And fling a Benadryl at his head at the first sneeze?" Luke snarked.
"Something like that," Lorelai giggled, reaching for one of Luke's flannel shirts hanging nearby on a chair.
"This isn't fair," Luke complained. "You're ambushing me because I just got laid. You seem to think you can wheedle anything out of me if you've just had sex with me in the previous ten minutes. I feel used, and a little dirty."
"Sweetie, if I didn't use that tactic, I would have never had Grace," Lorelai giggled. "You wouldn't agree to a baby until I caught you off-guard, post orgasm."
"Not true," Luke mumbled.
"That's how I planted the idea of a cappuccino maker in your head, too," Lorelai crowed. "I gave you some mind-blowing oral, and a cappuccino maker magically appeared underneath the Christmas tree."
"Harpy," Luke spat, his eyes betraying his amusement at the exchange.
"Sucker," Lorelai shot back. "Oh, Luke, look at my boobies, and, by the way, can I buy a pair of Jimmy Choo's?"
"Stop it, you...you, trollop," Luke snorted, laughing. "I'm never having sex with you again."
"Yeah, I'm going to lose a lot of sleep tonight over that threat," Lorelai giggled. "Go check on the babies, I'm going to do some post-nookie clean up. Meet you back in bed in five?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Luke sighed, unlocking the bedroom door as Lorelai walked toward the bathroom.
"Hey, Lorelai?" Luke called after her.
"Yeah, Babe?" Lorelai asked, stopping in the doorway to the bathroom.
"Really liked my Valentine's Day present," Luke grinned.
"I'm glad," Lorelai smiled. "Just wait until you see what I get you for St. Patrick's Day."
Chapter 13: Heaven Isn't Too Far Away
Lorelai unlocked the front door, clinging to Xander while trying not to drop her bag of groceries. Lorelai fumbled with the doorknob and finally succeeding in turning it. She pushed the door open and Grace skipped past her into the house. Lorelai leaned up against the house, boosted Xander up higher on her waist by lifting her leg, stuck her keychain in her teeth, and switched the grocery bag into the other hand before following Grace inside.
"Hey Poppy!" Grace sang, skipping up to the couch where Luke sat.
"Dadadadadada!" Xander cheered, waving maniacally at Luke as Lorelai entered the living room. She looked around, brow furrowed. The lamp on the desk was lit, but no other lights were on in the house, and Luke was facing the television, even though it was off.
"Poppy?" Grace repeated, leaning on the arm of the couch and staring quizzically as Luke still didn't respond.
Lorelai walked up behind Grace, looking at Luke. "Luke?" she asked, "What's going on? Why are you sitting in the dark?"
Luke didn't respond. Lorelai felt her heartbeat quicken as she sat Xander down on the ground. "Put this in the kitchen, please, Gracie," Lorelai murmured, staring at Luke in concern.
"But..." Grace began, looking at Luke uncertainly.
"No buts, just go," Lorelai whispered tersely as she handed Grace the grocery bag. She stood in front of Luke, who remained silent. Lorelai fell to her knees before him.
"Luke, baby, talk to me," she whispered, as Luke sat, head down, staring at the open palms of his hands. Lorelai reached out and touched Luke's face. He slowly raised his head, and Lorelai swallowed a moan as she took note of the pained expression in his eyes. She thought the days of having to see that look in his eyes were long gone, but here it was again. His eyes were dark, stormy, and red-rimmed from tears.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Lorelai rasped, stroking Luke's cheek.
Luke stared at Lorelai, his chin trembling as he tried to fight back a fresh bout of tears. "Maizie," he whispered thinly, and closed his eyes.
"Oh my god," Lorelai gasped, and looked nervously at Grace, who hovered near the steps, staring at Luke wide-eyed and scared. "Gracie, baby, why don't you go upstairs and change out of your leotard, okay?" Lorelai suggested.
Grace stood her ground, still staring at Luke. Xander crawled around on the floor, playing with a toy car he had found, oblivious to the tension in the room.
"Grace," Lorelai pleaded. "Go change now," she said, more firmly. Grace ran up the stairs to comply with her orders.
Lorelai turned back to Luke, staring sorrowfully at him as he tried to maintain control of his emotions. "Is it bad?" Lorelai asked, knowing the answer to her own question.
Luke nodded slowly. "Her heart," he choked out. "She just...collapsed at work...Buddy...he couldn't..." Luke couldn't finish the sentence. He just shook his head and rubbed his eyes with his fists.
"Oh, baby," Lorelai whispered, tears stinging her eyes. Lorelai pulled Luke toward her and hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry, Luke, honey, I'm so goddamned sorry," she soothed as she pulled Luke's baseball hat off and began to stroke his hair as he buried his face in her neck. She could feel Luke trembling in her arms, and her stomach felt knotted up inside of her. "Do you need to go be with Buddy?" she whispered.
Luke pulled back a little, and shook his head. "He wants to be alone," he sighed, sniffling softly. "I'm going over tomorrow...to help out..with stuff," Luke shrugged miserably.
Grace tiptoed down the steps, and slowly approached Lorelai and Luke as they huddled together, talking in hushed tones to each other. She couldn't take her eyes off Luke's face. Grace had never seen her Poppy look so un-Poppy like before, and it scared her. His face was ashen, there was a tense, drawn expression she wasn't accustomed to seeing, and his eyes looked funny. She watched in morbid fascination as she slowly realized, as best as a four and half year old could, anyway, that this was what Luke looked like when he was really, really sad. Grace didn't like it. She had never seen real sadness on Luke's face before. She wanted to see Luke smile like he always did, to see his eyes as she was used to seeing them-a bright, twinkling blue, or at least to see him make that funny I'm-pretending-that-I'm grumpy-but-I'm-really-not look she always seemed to inspire in him. This grim, disheveled, unhappy man sitting on her couch was a complete stranger to Grace. She wanted him to go away and bring back her Poppy.
Lorelai looked up as she realized Grace was hovering nearby. "Hi, baby," she muttered, holding her arm out to Grace. Grace walked over and allowed Lorelai to put her arm around her, but she continued to stare silently at Luke. Luke didn't look up, even when Grace reached out and touched his knee uncertainly.
"Why's Poppy sad?" Grace whispered.
"Something sad has happened," Lorelai sighed, looking up at Luke for a sign on how to continue. Luke only stared at his hands, oblivious to everything around him.
"What?" Grace asked, resisting the urge to jam her thumb into her mouth. She suddenly wished she had thought to bring Bunbun downstairs with her. This kind of situation was exactly what Bunbun even existed for. Grace absentmindedly clutched at Lorelai's hair, and began nervously twirling a dark curl around her fist.
"Well," Lorelai began shakily. "It's Maizie, sweetie. Um...Maizie, she got sick today, and..." Lorelai tried to explain.
Luke suddenly shot up out of his seat. Lorelai and Grace both jumped in surprise as Luke began to pace around nervously.
Xander looked up at Luke. "Up, Da," he squealed, holding his arms up expectantly, wanting to join Luke at a higher elevation.
"Luke?" Lorelai whispered, moving from the floor to the couch, and pulling Grace up next to her.
"I can't," Luke rasped. "I can't do this."
"Luke, we have to..." Lorelai began.
"No," Luke practically shouted, causing Grace to jump again. "I can't, I have to...I have to go...I just have to go," he ranted, a panicked tone to his voice.
"Babe," Lorelai pleaded.
"Lorelai," Luke wailed, his voice cracking.
Lorelai nodded her head. "Go, Luke. Just go, take a walk. Go breathe. Just...don't drive or anything, right? Just go clear your head, we'll be here," she said, understanding.
"Poppy?" Grace whispered as Luke spun on his heels and fled out the front door without even responding to her. "Mommy?" Grace cried, unable to grasp what had just happened.
"It's okay, sweetie, Poppy has to go process," Lorelai explained. "He's going to get some fresh air and he'll be back soon."
Xander looked up at Lorelai, his lower lip pooching out. "Da go," he cried mournfully and began to sob.
"Oh, come here, baby boy," Lorelai sighed, picking up the crying boy and cradling him in her arms. "Daddy will be back."
"Why is Maizie sick?" Grace prodded, impatient to know why Luke was acting so crazy.
"Well, Maizie wasn't feeling well today," Lorelai said. "She got really, really sick, and something happened."
"What?" Grace asked, frustrated, raising her voice to be heard over Xander's wailing.
"Sweetie, Maizie died today," Lorelai said, tears escaping from her eyes. "Maizie went to heaven."
"Like Grandma and Grandpa Danes?" Grace asked, frowning deeply.
"Yeah, honey," Lorelai wept. "Maizie in heaven with Grandma and Grandpa Danes, and all the angels."
"When is she coming back?" Grace asked, her voice rising in alarm.
"She isn't, Gracie, when it's time to go to heaven, you stay there. You can't come back," Lorelai explained.
"But I don't want her to go!" Grace wailed, and she began to cry.
"I know, baby, neither do I," Lorelai said, pulling Grace close. "And your Poppy doesn't want her to go, either. That's why he's so sad. He really really loves Maizie, and he's going to miss her."
"I want to go to heaven, too," Grace howled. "I want to go say goodbye to Maizie."
"You can't go to heaven, Gracie, it's not time for you to go yet," Lorelai cried. "It's okay to miss Maizie, but she lived a long and happy life, and now she's in heaven, and she'll be okay. Just because we can't see her anymore, doesn't mean that she won't be okay, understand?"
"But I'm going to miss her," Grace sobbed.
"We're all going to miss her," Lorelai sniffled, trying to soothe both sobbing children. "We're going to be sad for a while, but life goes on. And we can talk to Maizie all the time, because I just know she will always be up there listening to us. She loved you guys an awful lot, and she will always be watching us, okay?"
"But it's not the same," Grace wept.
"No, it's not." Lorelai agreed. "But in heaven, everyone is happy and peaceful. We're sad down here, because we miss her and want to see her, but she's looking down on us and smiling because she can see US. And when it's time for us to go to heaven, after we've lived a long life, we get to go see all the people we've ever loved again, and then we can be happy together forever. It's sad for us now down here, but just think how wonderful it will be when we're all together again in heaven," Lorelai tried to explain.
"Want Maizie now," Grace moaned. "Don't want Poppy to be sad anymore."
"I know, sweetie, we just need to give Poppy time," Lorelai sighed. "Maizie was like a Mommy to your Poppy, and he's going to miss her really bad."
"Poppy's never sad. Don't like it," Grace muttered, calming down slowly.
"Well, I'll bet you wouldn't believe me, but Poppy knows a lot about being sad," Lorelai said. "But when you and Xander came along, Poppy couldn't find much to be sad about anymore. I like Happy Poppy, too. We just need to be patient with him, and Happy Poppy will be back soon, I promise," Lorelai swore.
"Did you ever see Poppy cry?" Grace asked.
"Yes, I have," Lorelai nodded.
"Did it scare you?" Grace asked.
"No, it didn't scare me," Lorelai mused. "It just made me want to make him happy. It took us a little time, but we figured out how to make each other happy, so Poppy didn't have to cry anymore. And neither did I. I can't really remember the last time I cried because I was sad," Lorelai continued. "And the last time I saw him cry, he was crying for the same reason I was."
"Why was that?" Grace asked curiously.
"We cried when you were born, and we cried when Xander was born," Lorelai pointed out. "We cried because we were so happy, and we loved you both so much, that laughing wasn't good enough."
"That's silly," Grace sighed.
"Maybe. You'll understand when you grow up and have your own babies," Lorelai smiled. "I think we've lost your brother," she noted. Xander had successfully cried himself to sleep in Lorelai's arms. "I'm going to put him to bed and I'll be right back. Are you feeling a little better?"
"A little," Grace whispered.
"Good, I'll be back," Lorelai smiled, kissing Grace and rising to her feet. Lorelai quietly carried Xander up the stairs.
Grace sat quietly on the couch, lost in thoughts of Maizie, and heaven, and Poppy crying. She jumped when she heard the front door open. Luke stood in the middle of the room, head down. He raised his eyes slowly, regarding Grace sheepishly.
"Hi Poppy," Grace whispered cautiously as Lorelai descended the stairs. Luke raised his hand slightly and waved at Grace.
"You okay?" Lorelai murmured, walking to Luke and caressing his face.
Luke nodded mutely, eyes downcast. Lorelai noted that the old habit of reverting to his impression of Marcel Marceau when faced with hurt was alive and kicking.
"Can I do anything for you?" Lorelai prodded. Luke sighed and shook his head slowly.
"Do you want anything to eat? Want some tea?" she asked.
Luke shook his head again, jamming his hands into his pockets.
"Why don't you go lay down? You should try to sleep, we'll have a long day tomorrow," Lorelai sighed, rubbing Luke's arm encouragingly.
Luke nodded slowly, and allowed Lorelai to give him a hug.
"Go on, baby, we'll be okay," Lorelai assured Luke as he glanced warily at Grace. "She's okay," Lorelai murmured.
Luke sighed and slowly climbed the stairs.
"Go on upstairs and get ready for bed," Lorelai whispered to Grace, giving her a hug. "I'm going to make some phone calls."
"Okay, Mommy," Grace said and went to put on her pajamas. Grace changed her clothes in her room and sat on her bed for few minutes, hugging Bunbun and staring sadly out the window. Her brain churned as she tried to wrap her mind around the fact that Maizie was gone, and her Poppy just wasn't acting like her Poppy anymore. Grace could only think of one solution to the problem at hand, which was how to make Luke feel better. She slid off her bed and tiptoed toward her parents' bedroom.
Grace peeked cautiously into their bedroom. The light on the nightstand was still on, but Luke was lying in bed, curled up on his side. Grace took another step into the room, and was startled to find Luke staring right at her. Grace cringed for a moment, expecting a scolding, but none came. Luke remained still, but offered Grace a very small, wan smile. Grace sighed in relief and walked toward the bed, waiting for a sign of disapproval from Luke. Grace leaned on Lorelai's side of the bed, regarding Luke silently.
"Hi Poppy," Grace whispered.
Luke stared at Grace for a moment, his eyes watery. "Hi," he finally whispered in a barely audible voice.
"I'm sorry you're sad," Grace sighed.
Luke blinked back tears, and swallowed hard, nodding at Grace.
Grace climbed into the bed and lay down next to Luke. "Here, Poppy," she whispered, handing Bunbun to Luke. "Hugging Bunbun helps."
Luke stared at Bunbun in confusion, but he slowly raised his hand and accepted his daughter's loan of her bunny. Luke pulled Bunbun close, and looked at Grace, his eyes softening a little as he realized that the little girl was trying to comfort him.
Grace scooted closer to Luke, and Luke moved his head so they lay close together. He took Grace's hand and kissed it softly in appreciation for her concern. Grace smiled and yawned, closing her eyes. Luke and Grace lay side by side, and both drifted silently off to sleep.
Lorelai snuck into the bedroom an hour later, stopping short when she saw Grace lying in the middle of the bed. A small smile played on her lips as she stood at the foot of the bed, regarding the sleeping pair. Luke and Grace were sleeping face to face on Luke's pillow, their foreheads touching. Grace was slurping on her one thumb, her other hand entwined with Luke's. Lorelai covered her mouth and grinned, tears springing up in her eyes as she saw that Luke was clutching Bunbun tightly to his chest with his other arm. Lorelai shook her head and got dressed for bed. She returned to the bed, kissing Luke's temple before she pulled the blankets up over the pair, and she crawled into her side of the bed.
Luke stirred and looked at Lorelai, eyes glazed over with sleepiness. Lorelai smiled at him and reached her arm across, embracing Grace and Luke gently. Luke smiled softly at Lorelai.
Lorelai looked at Bunbun, and back at Luke. "Some girl we've got here, huh?" she whispered.
Luke nodded and closed his eyes. "She's a keeper," he mumbled and fell back asleep.
Lorelai smiled and turned off the light. "Wouldn't trade her for the world," she replied softly and sank into her own pillow, closing her eyes. She fell asleep in minutes, comforted by the fact that Luke knew that his girls had his back.
Chapter 14: Enjoy Every Sandwich
Lorelai set a bag of food from Luke's Diner on the coffee table next to the stack of plates. "All right, ladies and germs, chow time," Lorelai grinned, sitting on the floor between Grace and Xander. They had made a pit-stop at Luke's on the way home from Sniffy's after Maizie's funeral and post-burial wake. Luke had driven separately in his truck to the gathering so he could stay behind to spend time with Buddy. Even though the bar at Sniffy's was overflowing with food, true to form, Grace and Xander and Lorelai were famished by the time they returned to town. Lorelai slid a plate of chicken fingers and french fries over to Grace. Lorelai had her usual cheeseburger with fries, and Xander began munching happily on his meal of a grilled cheese sandwich that Lorelai painstakingly shredded into tiny pieces for Xander to work with.
Grace stuffed a piece of chicken into her mouth. "When's Poppy coming home?" she asked in a muffled voice.
Lorelai ducked to avoid a spray of chewed chicken breading and covered Grace's mouth. "Want to say it without spraying it?" Lorelai grumbled.
Grace swallowed. "Sorry," she said sheepishly.
"It's okay," Lorelai laughed. "Um, I'm not sure when Poppy's coming home, he's going to help clean up at Sniffy's, and I'm sure he's going to want to spend some time alone with Buddy. He may be late coming home tonight."
"Oh," Grace muttered, playing with her french fries.
"Look at you, you old mother hen," Lorelai beamed. "You know what? I'm really proud of you for being such a big girl this week. You've been so good, trying to cheer your Poppy up, and helping take care of Xander so Poppy and I could try to make things easier for Buddy. And then today, you were so helpful at Sniffy's, keeping tabs on the napkins and paper cups and forks and spoons. I was really impressed with you."
"I like to help Poppy," Grace explained shyly.
"I know you do," Lorelai said. "And you're a lot like your Poppy, do you realize that? You're fixers, the both of you. You don't like to see things broken. At the first sign of damage, you're both running for the super glue."
"Huh?" Grace asked, confused.
"I was making an analogy. Or maybe just a comparison. Or is it a metaphor? I'll have to call Rory and check that one out," Lorelai said, shaking her head. "In either case, I meant that you and your Poppy, you don't like to see people sad. When you do, you both try really hard to make people feel better. It's a wonderful trait to have."
"Oh," Grace said. "Yeah, I don't like people sad."
"Me neither," Lorelai smiled.
Xander smacked the table with his hands. "More," he grunted, bouncing up and down on his butt.
"Hold your horses, bub," Lorelai laughed, tearing off some more pieces of the grilled cheese sandwich.
"Umm," Xander said in appreciation.
"Yummy sammich," Lorelai grinned.
"Ummy sam," Xander agreed.
"We're going to get you talking yet, bucko," Lorelai said, taking a bite of her cheeseburger.
Xander sneezed loudly, and wiped his eyes, looking at Lorelai pitifully.
Lorelai grabbed a tissue from the box on the table. "Poor kid, always sneezing. You must be allergic to the whole durn world."
Xander sneezed two more times as Lorelai tended to his nose.
"He looks like Rudolph," Grace laughed.
"Our own W.C. Fields, minus the hooch," Lorelai agreed.
"When did Grandma and Grandpa go to heaven?" Grace asked softly, munching on her french fries.
"Um, they went to heaven before I met Poppy," Lorelai said cautiously, eyeing Grace thoughtfully. She knew Grace was preoccupied with the notion of death, now, and Lorelai was unsure of how to handle the girl's questions about mortality with Luke not around to contribute. Luke was sensitive about the deaths of his parents, and his natural instinct was to shield the children from the painful subject matter. Lorelai was more inclined to answer Grace's questions honestly, but Luke had lost his mother when he was so young. Lorelai didn't want to upset Grace with the knowledge that Luke was a little boy when his mother died.
"Were they old like Maizie?" Grace queried.
"Damn," Lorelai thought. "Leave it to Gracie to shoot straight to the tough questions."
"No, they weren't," Lorelai sighed, handing Xander his sippy cup.
"How old was Poppy?" Grace asked.
"Um, well...he was a boy when his mother went to heaven," Lorelai said delicately.
"But Grandma wasn't old," Grace reminded Lorelai. "People go to heaven when they get old."
"Most people go to heaven when they get old," Lorelai agreed. "It's just, sometimes people get sick even when they're not so old."
"Was Poppy sad?" Grace asked.
"Yeah, I was," Luke said, clearing his throat. Lorelai and Grace both jumped. They were so absorbed in their discussion that they hadn't heard Luke enter the house.
"Hi Da!" Xander yelped, raising his hand in greeting.
"Hi, kid," Luke smiled. "Looks like I wandered into some heavy subject matter."
"Yes, you did," Lorelai smiled as Luke sat on the couch. "Do you want to take over, Poppy?"
"Sure," Luke groaned. "What are you grilling your mom about, Gracie?"
"Grandma and Grandpa," Grace said, crawling up on the couch next to Luke. "How old were you when Grandma went to heaven?"
"Um.." Luke muttered, looking down at Lorelai. Lorelai shrugged her shoulders, allowing Luke to decide how much detail he wanted to give the girl.
"Well," Luke sighed. "I was seven."
"Seven?" Grace frowned. "Why did she die?"
Luke swallowed hard. "My mommy was sick."
"Like the flu?" Grace asked. Lorelai quietly cleaned cleaned Xander up with a wet wipe and set him loose. She moved up to the couch next to Luke, waiting for a signal that he needed an assist.
"No, not like the flu," Luke said. "She had cancer."
"What's that?" Grace asked.
"It's, um...well...it's a different kind of sick. It's inside the body. You need to take medicine for a long time to make it go away."
"Did it go away?" Grace asked.
"No," Luke said sadly. "She didn't know she was sick for a long time, and when my mommy and daddy found out about it, there was a lot of cancer."
"That's why she went to heaven?" Grace asked, frowning deeply.
"Yeah," Luke nodded.
"Did Grandpa get cancer too?" Grace continued.
"Yes," Luke whispered. "I was more grown up when that happened."
"Are you going to get cancer, too?" Grace asked, clutching at Luke's shirt.
"Um, I don't..." Luke looked at Lorelai for help.
Lorelai looked at the expression on Luke's face as she grasped inwardly for a response. She was well aware of the fact that Luke harbored a deep-rooted fear of getting cancer. His health-nut ways were always mockable on the surface, but as their relationship deepened, Lorelai had learned that Luke's rigidity was due to the deep scars left behind by the loss of his parents. Making matters worse was the fact that Luke's doctor had confirmed that because of his family history, Luke was indeed at an elevated risk of developing the disease. He faithfully adhered to the routine of check-ups his doctor recommended, and was screened for cancer on a regular basis. Luke had returned from one of his appointments in a funk, admitting to Lorelai that he sometimes felt like he had a ticking time bomb buried somewhere in his body, that he fully expected to be standing in his diner one day, he would hear a sudden 'click' inside of him, and he would know it had begun. Lorelai could only assure Luke that his vigilance would pay off, that even if he did get cancer, it would be caught early and would be treated in ways that weren't available to his parents. Lorelai herself had developed an impressive fear of the possibility of Luke getting sick like his parents, but she kept that to herself, not wanting to burden Luke with her own worry. She chose to trust that lightning couldn't possibly strike three times. It wasn't a logical choice, but it was the best she could come up with when that icy fear crept into her gut every now and again.
Lorelai cleared her throat nervously. "Poppy goes to the doctor when he's supposed to, so he's always making sure that he's healthy. We don't know if we're going to get sick someday, nobody knows that. But we do what we can to prevent it. And things are very different now than they were when your Grandma and Grandpa got sick. There's all kinds of medicines that weren't available then, and the doctor's know so much more now than they used to. We take care of Poppy so you don't have to worry about him getting sick, okay baby?"
"Do you take your vitamins?" Grace asked suspiciously.
"Every day," Luke laughed. "I take my vitamins every day, baby girl."
"Good," Grace said. "You better."
"I do, honest," Luke said.
"Promise you won't get sick?" Grace asked.
"I can't promise that, monkey," Luke sighed. "I can only promise that I'll do everything I can to stick around for a long, long time."
"I'd cry all the time if you went to heaven," Grace muttered, cozying up next to Luke. "Do you cry a lot about your mommy and daddy?"
"No, not anymore," Luke replied. "I get sad sometimes because I miss them, but I try to think about all the good stuff."
"Like what?" Grace asked.
"Well," Luke said, looking over as Lorelai got down on the floor to play with Xander when she saw that Luke had things under control. "I remember stuff about my mom like how she used to dance all the time. She played the music really loud, and she'd pick me up and she'd spin me around. She'd teach me to dance by having me stand on her feet. She took me to school on my first day of kindergarten, when she had to come in and meet the teacher, and she was barefoot because she had run out of clean socks, and it didn't occur to her to just wear shoes without socks. She'd call me all kinds of funny names, too."
Grace giggled. "Did she call you 'monkey', too?"
Luke grinned. "She did. You busted me. I stole that name from my mom. She was pretty crazy. And she hated bugs, just like you do. She'd call my dad and make him come all the way home from work just to squish a spider. And one time, she chased Taylor Doose all the way across town with her shovel because he told her she wasn't throwing the snow into a neat enough pattern on our lawn."
Lorelai watched Luke, fascinated by the way his face would light up as he ticked off his list of happy memories about his mother. Luke was so squeamish about talking about his parents that a lot of these memories were things Lorelai didn't even know. She marveled at how Grace was able to get Luke to talk to her so easily, when she herself still had to work so hard to get the man to open up about such things.
"What was your daddy like?" Grace asked.
"Me," Luke laughed. "Pretty much everything I do, my dad did. I yell like him, I fight like him, I pout like him, I rant like him, I complain like him, I even dress like him."
"Cuz they're cousins, identical cousins," Lorelai sang, as Xander looked up at her as if she had just gone nuts.
"Stop it," Luke growled, swatting playfully at Lorelai.
"I don't get it," Grace pondered. "If heaven is so nice, why don't we go there first?"
"Gotta work for the good stuff," Lorelai replied.
Luke nodded. "We wouldn't appreciate it if we didn't have to go through the tough stuff first."
"It's not so tough here," Grace retorted.
"That's because you're a spoiled rotten little brat," Luke laughed. "All you have to do is bat your eyelashes, and you have throngs of people falling at your feet. It's not that easy for the rest of us poor schlubs."
"Nuh-uh," Grace pouted.
"It's true, my dear," Lorelai smiled. "You're sitting next to your number one victim, and don't even try to pretend you don't know it."
Grace rolled her eyes. "So what do we do?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" Lorelai asked.
"Until we go there," Grace replied pointing up toward the sky.
Luke thought for a moment. "Warren Zevon was on Letterman before he passed away. Letterman asked him what advice he'd give to everyone, and Zevon said 'Enjoy every sandwich.'. I think that's pretty good advice."
Grace looked at Luke. "What the heck does that mean?"
Luke shrugged. "It means make all the snow angels you can, play at the lake, chase a butterfly, read lots of books, jump off the dock without checking the water temperature with your big toe, stay up late on Christmas Eve to see if you can catch Santa coming down the chimney, and if you love someone, tell them. A lot. It took me a long time to figure that stuff out, and I'm going to make sure you don't wait to figure that out until you're forty years old yourself."
Grace smiled. "Does that mean I can get a kitty?"
Lorelai laughed out loud as Luke shook his head. "You're evil, kid," he sighed. "Absolutely evil."
Chapter 15: Support Your Local Girl Scout Troop
"Where did we go wrong?" Luke asked.
"What do you mean?" Lorelai scowled. "How is it our fault?"
"It's our gene pool," Luke grumbled. "Somehow, on some genetic level, we're responsible for it."
"We can't blame ourselves," Lorelai assured Luke. "We couldn't know this would happen."
"We should have considered it," Luke argued. "We should have done our homework."
"I think it's too subtle a thing to be able to research, Cool Hand," Lorelai muttered.
"Just look at him," Luke sighed. "He's going to blow his brain right out his left ear one of these days."
Lorelai giggled, despite herself. "We'll have to buy him some earplugs to prevent that from happening."
Luke and Lorelai sat on the steps of the back porch, watching Xander and Grace play in the newly installed sandbox. Grace was intently creating a mound of sand with her shovel, and Xander was pushing a toy dump truck around in circles. He was trying to, at least. The boy had to stop to endure yet another sneezing fit every few minutes.
"Is it the sand?" Luke asked, looking at his son uncertainly.
"Can you even BE allergic to sand?" Lorelai laughed.
"Xander can, I mean let's just consider what we actually KNOW he's allergic to," Luke groaned.
"Flowers," Lorelai said.
"Any kind of perfume," Luke noted.
"Hay," Lorelai sighed.
"Grass," Luke replied.
"Christmas trees," Lorelai pouted. "Not going to get used to fake Christmas trees anytime soon."
"Horses," Luke muttered.
"Most soaps," Lorelai added.
"Dirt," Luke groaned.
"That's just an assumption on your part," Lorelai laughed. "I think it was just because he snorted a clump up his nose."
"But not dogs, ironically," Luke said, rolling his eyes at Paul Anka, who sat with his head propped up on the edge of the sandbox, watching the children play.
"Or cats, apparently," Lorelai said innocently.
"Stop it," Luke warned.
"We spent an hour at a shelter full of cats, not one sneeze," Lorelai pointed out.
"Lorelai," Luke sighed. "I hate cats."
"You hated dogs, too," Lorelai pointed out. "You like Paul Anka now."
"I tolerate Paul Anka," Luke retorted. "It was a necessary concession in the process of reuniting. You and Paul Anka were a package deal."
"But Grace really wants a kitty," Lorelai sighed. "So does Xander."
"YOU want a kitty," Luke growled.
"I do," Lorelai smiled.
"I've got Gracie constantly begging for a kitty, she's brainwashed Xander so badly, that all he does is follow me around saying 'Want kitty', and now I've got you whining for a cat too," Luke grumbled. "You're all making me out to be the bad guy."
"You ARE the bad guy, Babe," Lorelai grinned. "I thought majority rules, and you're the only holdout. You've been outnumbered, and yet you refuse to concede defeat. You know we're going to end up with a cat, but you just stubbornly try to delay the inevitable," she said.
"Christ," Luke muttered. "I'm not cleaning up kitty poop."
"You won't have to," Lorelai promised.
"It's getting declawed. I'm not buying new furniture because the dumb cat tore everything to shreds," Luke said.
"So we're getting a cat?" Lorelai said excitedly.
"No, wait, not fair...I was talking hypothetically," Luke backtracked.
"No, you weren't, you were speaking in very definite terms," Lorelai shot back.
"Where are we going to put a cat?" Luke moaned.
"It's a cat, Luke, it's not the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man," Lorelai sighed. "Cats don't exactly take up a lot of room."
"No, but all the stupid cat crap you're going to end up buying will," Luke replied. "You're going to start coming home with cat trees, cat balls, cat treats, cat sweaters, cat strollers, cat posters, cat books, cat movies, cat beds..."
"Okay, okay," Lorelai interrupted. "I get your point. I will curb the cat accessorizing."
"No, you won't," Luke laughed.
"I promise," Lorelai swore. "Girl Scout honor."
Luke looked at Lorelai, arching an eyebrow.
"You're picturing me in a Girl Scout uniform even as we speak," Lorelai gasped.
Luke grinned evilly.
"Pervert!" Lorelai cackled.
"Got any cookies for me?" Luke asked suggestively, leaning over to playfully bite Lorelai's neck.
"Snickerdoodles," Lorelai laughed.
"I'll give you a Snickerdoodle," Luke muttered, nuzzling Lorelai's ear.
"Girl Scout cookies are kind of dirty sounding, aren't they?" Lorelai mused, swatting Luke's wandering hand away from her breast. "Don't molest me in front of the children," she teased primly.
Luke moved his hand to Lorelai's knee. "Not watching," he murmured. "I like dirty cookies," he prodded.
"Samoas," Lorelai smiled.
"Always want Samoas," Luke grinned, nibbling lightly on Lorelai's earlobe.
"Tagalongs," Lorelai laughed.
"Want to bend you over the kitchen table and show you how I can Tagalong," Luke chuckled, squeezing Lorelai's thigh.
"Oh my god," Lorelai gasped, snorting loudly. "All Abouts!" she giggled.
"All Abouts getting you naked," Luke laughed, trailing kisses along Lorelai's jaw.
"Do-si-dos," Lorelai sputtered.
"Sit on my lap, and let's Do-si-do," Luke growled, pulling Lorelai onto his lap.
"Thanks-A-Lots," Lorelai moaned, gasping for air between giggles as she wrapped her arms around Luke.
"Thanks-A-Lots for...umm...sitting on my lap?" Luke offered weakly. "Sorry, you've exhausted my dirty vocabulary."
"Oh, you suck," Lorelai pouted, kissing Luke lightly on the lips. "Definitely like the Tagalong idea, we'll have to try that."
"Again," Luke clarified, smirking.
"So when are we going to pick out the kitty?' Lorelai smiled innocently, stroking Luke's forehead.
"SEE?" Luke whined. "Start the sex talk, and you start trying to play me. You're like a black widow."
Lorelai wriggled in Luke's lap, giggling. "Is it working?"
"Oh, boy," Luke muttered, swallowing hard at the friction Lorelai was causing. "Damn it, they're having the adoption thing in the town square this weekend, aren't they?"
"Are they?" Lorelai asked, wide-eyed.
"Crap," Luke muttered in defeat.
"Tell you what," Lorelai negotiated. "I'll propose a trade."
"What kind of trade?" Luke asked suspiciously.
"You and me, we'll go find the cutest kitty in the bunch this weekend and finally give Gracie her Miss Kitty Fantastico, and..." Lorelai trailed off.
"And, what?" Luke asked. "You're going to give me a new staple gun?"
"Nooo," Lorelai murmured, smiling conspiratorially at Luke.
"Then what?" Luke asked.
"Then I'll give you a baby, in...oh, say...seven months?" Lorelai whispered softly.
Luke stared at Lorelai.
Lorelai waited.
Luke kept staring at Lorelai.
Lorelai poked Luke lightly in the forehead. "Anyone home?"
Luke blinked rapidly.
Lorelai sighed and waited some more.
Luke stared at Lorelai.
Lorelai knocked on Luke's forehead. "Hello? Ground Control to Major Tom?"
Luke gulped. "Deal," he whispered.
"Deal?" Lorelai grinned.
Luke smiled shakily, and nodded his head. "I think we're gonna need a bigger boat."
"Guess we'll be calling Tom again, soon, huh?" Lorelai laughed.
"Yeah," Luke grinned. "We're going to have to tweak the floorplan, a little."
"Happy, Poppy?" Lorelai smiled, rubbing Luke's shoulder.
Luke pulled Lorelai into a big bear hug. "Happy," he muttered in a muffled voice. "You're my favorite baby-factory in the world."
"Watch it, Bucko," Lorelai warned.
"Sorry," Luke grinned, putting his hand on Lorelai's belly. "But I have one stipulation to our agreement."
"What's that?" Lorelai asked.
"No more references to 'Buffy The Vampire Slayer' in this family," Luke chided. "We have a Xander, apparently we're going to have a Miss Kitty Fantastico, we are not, and I repeat, NOT naming this kid Willow."
"Fine," Lorelai conceded. "Luke?"
"Yeah?" Luke asked.
"Can we celebrate tonight, after the kids go to bed?" Lorelai asked, stroking Luke's face.
"How do you want to celebrate?" Luke murmured.
Lorelai grinned wickedly. "Show me your Snickerdoodle?"
Luke laughed out loud. "Show me yours, and I'll show you mine," he promised, and pulled Lorelai into a passionate, lingering kiss.
Chapter 16: The Cat's Out of the Bag
Lorelai and Luke stood in the doorway of the elder Gilmores' residence.
"Grace, what am I going to do with you?" Lorelai muttered. "How did you get gum in your hair?"
Grace winced as Lorelai pulled gum residue from the ends of her hair. "It was Xander's fault," she grumbled.
"How so?" Lorelai asked in disbelief.
"He wouldn't take the gum," Grace shrugged.
"Why were you handing him chewed up gum in the first place?" Lorelai asked, working the last bit of pink goo from Grace's hair. "Never mind, I don't even want to know."
"Sorry," Grace mumbled.
"How are you doing over there, Burger Boy?" Lorelai asked, trying to get the gum goo off of her fingers with a wet wipe.
"He has a candy cane stuck to his ass, how do you think I"m doing?" Luke muttered, attacking the back of Xander's pants with a handful of wipes. "It's the middle of the freaking summer. Where did a candy cane come from?"
"The real question is why do we still insist on asking why?" Lorelai grinned.
"Beats me," Luke groaned. "Any other surprises up your sleeves, kid?"
"Nope," Xander replied. "Gram have ice cream?"
"Maybe," Luke sighed. "Gonna eat your vegetables?
"Nope," Xander admitted.
"Looks like we have a failure to communicate here, Cool Hand," Lorelai sighed as she rang the doorbell.
The most recent addition to the Gilmore staff opened the door for the Danes family and ushered them into the sitting room.
Emily stood up and greeted the group. "You're late," she scolded.
"Two kids," Lorelai snarked. "Hi to you too, Mom."
"Grammy!" Grace squealed and ran to Emily.
"Gram!" Xander yelped and followed Grace's lead.
"Well, hello you two," Emily smiled, falling back into her chair from the force of the impact.
"Got kitty, Gram," Xander cried, climbing up into Emily's lap.
"You have a kitty?" Emily asked.
"Yup," Grace said excitedly. "We named her Miss Kitty Fantastico, and she's tiny, and yellow, and really soft."
"Soft," Xander emphasized.
"Well, that sounds wonderful," Emily smiled.
"And quite a mouthful of a name for a tiny kitten," Richard said as he entered the sitting room. "Lorelai, Luke, your usual drinks?"
"Sure, thanks, Dad," Lorelai replied distractedly as she frowned at the hook shaped stain on Xander's rear end. Xander was climbing all over Emily, and Lorelai was clinging to the hope that the remaining candy residue wasn't going to stick to anything.
"Hi Gramp, " Grace waved at Richard.
"Gramp!" Xander hollered.
"Hello, Gracie, Xander," Richard smiled as he began to pour drinks. "The usuals for you as well?"
Grace and Xander nodded, and began fighting over who would tell Emily all about Miss Kitty Fantastico.
"Water!" Luke yelped suddenly, sitting upright.
"Water?" Richard asked.
"Umm...yeah, water...for me. Want a club soda, maybe, Lorelai?" Luke asked, elbowing Lorelai emphatically.
"Yeah, club soda would be better," Lorelai nodded, widening her eyes at Luke in understanding.
"Club soda?" Emily asked suspiciously.
"Yeah," Lorelai smiled. "I'm...uh...driving tonight, so no alcohol for me."
"So why can't Luke have his beer?" Emily asked, narrowing her eyes at Luke and Lorelai.
"Show of solidarity?" Luke said weakly.
Emily sat back in her chair, and glared at Lorelai.
Lorelai did her best to avoid eye contact with Emily. "Xander, come here, let me try and clean up your pants a little more," Lorelai muttered, glowering at Luke for arousing suspicion amongst her parents.
"Richard, go ahead and pour Lorelai her usual drink," Emily said sternly.
"But, Emily," Richard interjected.
"Do it, Richard," Emily said snippily. "I'm sure Luke won't mind driving tonight, right Luke?"
"Um...no, but...uh...it's kind of Lorelai's turn to drive, right Lorelai?" Luke stammered, looking at Lorelai for help.
Lorelai stared Emily down for a moment, and decided to call her bluff. "You're right, Mom, I could really use a drink, serve 'em up, Dad," she said, narrowing her eyes in return to Emily's penetrating stare.
"Lorelai..." Luke whispered.
"Shush," Lorelai hissed. "I've got this."
Richard handed Luke a glass of water, and gave Lorelai a martini.
"Cheers," Emily said, raising her glass of wine to her lips as she watched Lorelai. "Aren't you going to have a taste?"
Lorelai smiled thinly and raised her glass to her lips, feigning a sip. "Mmm," Lorelai murmured. "Yummy."
Emily sat back in her seat, a flash of uncertainty crossing her face. "How are your dance lessons going, Grace?" she asked, shooting Lorelai questioning glances as she tried to focus on Grace's reply.
"Did you drink that?" Luke muttered.
"No," Lorelai replied. "Keep your drink close by, okay?"
"Why?" Luke whispered.
"Just do it," Lorelai whispered back.
Luke switched his glass to his right hand and balanced it on his thigh. Lorelai waited until Emily looked down at Grace, and she quickly dumped a small amount of martini into Luke's water.
Luke shook his head. "We could just tell them," he whispered.
"Tell us what?" Richard asked as he took his seat.
"That we're thinking about trading in Luke's truck," Lorelai said, a little too enthusiastically.
"For what?" Emily asked. "A gallon of milk?"
Luke scowled. "It's not that bad," he grumbled. "It's a classic."
"Drink up Lorelai, it's almost dinnertime," Emily smirked, still not convinced that Luke and Lorelai weren't hiding something.
"What am I, some kind of lush?" Lorelai asked defensively.
"No, but you're really nursing that drink tonight, and I wouldn't want you to let it go to waste," Emily replied.
"The martini will be fine," Lorelai sighed.
"Gram," Xander interrupted, "Ice cream?"
"For dessert," Emily smiled.
"Yay!" Xander crowed in triumph.
"If you eat all of your vegetables, I'll ask the cook to add some whipped cream," Emily baited.
"Oh," Xander sighed, annoyed with the continued focus on vegetables. "Two beans," he negotiated.
"More than just two green beans," Emily countered.
Lorelai leaned toward Luke as Emily and Xander argued over green bean consumption and started to pour more of her martini into Luke's water glass.
Emily looked up just in time to see Lorelai try to dump some of her drink.
"Aha!" Emily exclaimed, startling Lorelai.
Lorelai splashed martini all over Luke's leg. "Crap, sorry Babe," Lorelai yelped.
"Geez," Luke muttered, standing up and pulling his dampened pants away from his leg.
Emily smirked at Lorelai. "You're NOT drinking. I knew it."
"Why aren't you drinking?" Richard asked, confused.
"There's only one reason that Lorelai doesn't head for the drink cart as soon as she arrives," Emily said knowingly.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Lorelai muttered as Luke returned to the couch with a handful of napkins.
"Neither do I," Richard sighed.
"Mom, let's just continue this topic later, okay?" Lorelai pleaded, pointing wildly at the children, and dragging her finger across her throat.
"She's pregnant," Emily stated.
"What?" Richard said, a grin forming on his face.
"Mom," Lorelai gasped. "Did you not see me pointing?"
"Of course I did," Emily sighed. "You were confirming your pregnancy by pointing at the children, weren't you? You're having another baby aren't you?"
"Noooooooo," Lorelai moaned. "That wasn't confirmation, that was a sign to ixnay the abybay alktay."
Grace looked at Lorelai. "A baby?" she cried.
"Baby!" Xander chimed in.
Emily looked from Grace to Lorelai as it dawned on her that the children were not aware of the pregnancy.
"Oh dear," Emily gasped. "Oh. Lorelai, I didn't realize..."
"It's okay, Emily," Luke said.
"Another baby?" Grace asked again, crossing her arms.
"Uh oh," Luke muttered.
"Yeah, sweetie, we're going to have another baby," Lorelai sighed.
"Nooo," Grace moaned.
"No?" Lorelai asked. "Why no?"
"Don't want more babies," Grace muttered.
"No babies," Xander pouted.
"Come on, guys," Luke pleaded. "What's so bad about having another baby?"
"Don't need another Xander," Grace said, rolling her eyes.
Xander looked at Grace, wounded.
Lorelai pulled Xander into her lap. "I like Xander," she said, sticking her tongue out at Grace.
"And you like Xander, too," Luke insisted. "If you didn't have Xander, you'd be sitting in the sand box all alone, you wouldn't have anybody to pick on, and you wouldn't have anyone to play Red Light, Green Light with. For someone who doesn't like the kid, you sure play with him a whole heck of a lot."
"When he's not sneezing," Grace sighed, plopping on the couch. "Can't you have a baby later?" she asked.
"Sorry, kid," Lorelai smiled, "The ball's already rolling. Can't turn back now."
"Boys stink," Grace sighed.
"Well, now how do you know it's going to be a boy?" Richard interjected.
"It could be another girl," Emily nodded.
"A girl might be nice," Grace mumbled.
"No girls," Xander moaned.
"Oh, now, come on," Luke laughed.
"I don't think we're going to get a consensus on this," Lorelai giggled.
"Bottom line here is we're having another baby," Luke sighed. "Like it or lump it, there's a baby on the way. Family is family, and the family is expanding. End of story."
"Where's baby?" Xander asked.
"In Mommy's belly," Grace explained wearily.
Xander poked Lorelai's stomach. "Tiny baby," he muttered, trying to lift up Lorelai's shirt.
"Down, boy, you can't see the baby, it's inside," Lorelai laughed. "It's tiny now, but it will grow up a little inside of me."
"Want to see," Xander said.
"Can't see it now. We have to wait until it's born," Lorelai explained.
"Mommy's going to get all fat and grumpy, then the baby gets borned," Grace interjected.
"Hey," Lorelai pouted.
"It's true, you do get grumpy," Luke smiled.
"Not all the time," Lorelai argued.
"Uh-huh," Grace nodded. "Really grumpy."
"But then the baby is born, and Mommy won't be so grouchy anymore," Richard chimed in.
"Hopefully, this child will have more resilient sinuses," Emily sighed as Xander erupted into a fit of sneezes. "Aren't you medicating that boy?"
"Yes Mom, we are, and we're hoping to start him on Xanax by the time he hits kindergarten," Lorelai said sarcastically. "Yes, he has allergy medicine, but it's not for random sneezing."
"How can you determine what qualifies as random sneezing?" Emily muttered. "He sneezes at quarterly intervals."
"It's not an exact science," Luke smiled.
"Excuse me," the maid said, entering the sitting room. "Dinner is ready to be served."
"Thank you, Monique," Emily nodded. "Well, shall we adjourn to the dining room?"
"Ice cream!" Xander shouted, and grabbed Emily and Richard's hands as they walked into the other room.
"Vegetables first, little man," Lorelai sighed, trailing behind the trio. "You coming?" she asked Luke and Grace.
"Coming," Luke replied, "Let's go, G."
"Poppy?" Grace asked as they stood up.
"Yeah, monkey?" Luke asked.
"Do you want Mommy to have another baby?" Grace muttered.
"Yeah," Luke said, taking Grace's hand.
"How come?" Grace asked.
"Mommy tends to crank out some pretty cool kids," Luke laughed. "You and Xander are really fun to have around, we just thought it would be nice to have one more cool kid in the mix. Is that really so bad?"
"Guess not," Grace sighed. "But Poppy?"
What, monkey?" Luke asked as they entered the dining room.
"Miss Kitty Fantastico is still MY cat, not the baby's." Grace said firmly.
"Fair enough," Luke laughed.
Chapter 17: Middle Interruptus
Sookie and Lorelai sat on a park bench together, watching their children play in the town square. Davey and Martha were leading a complicated game they had devised that appeared to be a combination of Tag, Marco Polo, Kickball, and WWF wrestling while Gracie desperately tried to take control of the game, to no avail. Xander cheerfully bounced in place until one of the children pointed him in the direction he should be going, and he would run in that direction until the children screamed for him to stop. Xander was apparently not going to excel in sports like his Daddy before him. Sookie and Jackson's youngest, Scotty, stood sullenly in the middle of the vortex of screaming children, pouting because he wanted to play something else.
“So, Richard and Emily didn't react that much to the news, huh?” Sookie asked. “Did that bother you?”
“Well, I must be getting more mature in my old age, because for once I didn't take it personally,” Lorelai mused. “I think they were playing it low key because Gracie and Xander didn't exactly start doing cartwheels at the news. Mom did pull me aside before we left and gave me a hug of sorts and congratulated me.”
“That's good,” Sookie said. “You two may just end up getting along yet.”
“Don't count on it,” Lorelai laughed.
“Stranger things have happened,” Sookie replied. “I mean, rumor has it that the grumpy old diner owner got married and started having babies. If that can happen, the sky's the limit,” Sookie giggled.
“Must have been one hell of a woman to get that old coot to settle down,” Lorelai grinned.
“So I hear,” Sookie nodded. “And Luke's happy about the new baby? He didn't have a heart attack?”
“I think Luke has finally learned to just roll with the punches,” Lorelai laughed. “He has perfected the fine art of smiling and nodding at the right times, and saying 'Go to your room and think about what you've done' when I start having a hissy fit. Other than that, it's pretty much just pops and buzzes for him. Just your average husband of a major flake and father of soon to be three really weird children.”
“I think Luke has just finally learned how to be happy,” Sookie pointed out.
“Yeah, I think he has. I like Happy Luke, don't you?” Lorelai grinned.
“Almost as much as I like Happy Lorelai,” Sookie smiled. “Oh, my gosh, I am just so excited. A new baby! We need a new baby! One that isn't mine!”
“You're not going to welsh out on me as official Danes family babysitting diva, are you?” Lorelai asked.
“Are you kidding? I love babysitting the gruesome twosome. They're so crazy, but they're good, unlike my kids, who are mostly just certifiable,” Sookie laughed.
“Stop it,” Lorelai giggled. “I love that we have babies growing up together. I love that we're all just this big extended family now. You and me, and Jackson and Luke, and Liz and T.J., Davey, Martha, Scotty, Doula, Gracie, Xander, April, Rory, and Baby No Name, and even Jess.” Lorelai took a deep breath. “That's a mouthful.”
“That, my friend, is what you call a middle,” Sookie replied.
Lorelai sighed. “Love my middle,” she grinned.
Xander wandered over to the bench where Lorelai and Sookie sat, sneezing weakly. “Hi Sport, that's some pathetic sneezing there. You've gotta learn to do it with jazz hands,” Lorelai said, rubbing Xander's head sympathetically. “Need a tissue?”
“Uh-huh,” Xander moaned, sitting next to Lorelai. Lorelai pulled out a tissue and covered Xander's nose.
“Blow,” she instructed, as Xander gave a loud honk into the tissue.
“Poor kid,” Sookie sighed. “Every time I see that commercial where the boy's nose tries to run away from the rough tissue, I think of Xander.”
“Ow,” Xander grunted as Lorelai tried to gingerly wipe his reddened nose.
“I'm sorry, baby,” Lorelai muttered. “I think we can officially give you some allergy medicine, this is definitely not random sneezing.” Lorelai rooted in her purse for Xander's prescription bottle. She unscrewed the top and drew the correct dosage of the liquid into the dropper. “Here we go, open up, squirt.”
Xander sucked the medicine out of the dropper. “Yuck,” he grimaced, shaking his head at the foul flavor.
“Sorry,” Lorelai apologized again. “But it will make the sneezies go away for awhile.”
Xander rejoined the children, and Sookie and Lorelai returned to their chatter.
“Coming to our Fourth of July picnic? Sookie asked.
“Wouldn't miss it,” Lorelai promised. “I haven't picked a theme for Xander's birthday party yet. What should we do this year?”
“Spongebob?” Sookie suggested.
Lorelai wrinkled her nose. “Two year old boys are hard. They're so spastic at this age. One minute they like Spongebob, the next they like something completely out there, like puffer fish, then they're back to something else like rocket ships. Girls are so much easier. As long as it's pink or glittery, you've got it made in the shade.”
“What does he like this week?” Sookie asked.
“Dinosaurs,” Lorelai sighed.
“Well, dinosaurs are a pretty safe bet,” Sookie said. “Oh, I could make a prehistoric cake. One with a big volcano in the middle.”
“Think the prehistoric theme would be a hit?” Lorelai asked.
“Definitely,” Sookie agreed.
“Then dinosaurs it is,” Lorelai said. “Thank you, oh guru of boyness.”
“You're very welcome, my queen of girliness,” Sookie giggled.
“What are we going to feed the troops?” Lorelai wondered.
“Luke's?” Sookie asked.
“Overdone on my end,” Lorelai sighed. “Pizza?”
“Pizza would be good,” Sookie agreed.
Lorelai's cellphone began to ring in her purse. “Oh, goody, Rory's supposed to call back today sometime, it's gotta be her,” Lorelai beamed, digging in her purse for the phone.
“I'll round up the herd while you answer that,” Sookie said, getting up and yelling after the children to get ready for supper.
“Davey, Martha, I'm not joking, you get over here now!” Sookie bellowed, trying to catch up to the scattering children.
Lorelai frowned at the unknown number display on her phone. “Hello?” she asked when she opened her phone.
Sookie finally returned to Lorelai, dragging Davey by the elbow as the other children followed. “All set?” she asked as Lorelai stood silently staring at her phone.
“Lorelai? Everything okay with Rory?” Sookie prodded.
“Hey, Sookie, can I show you something really quick?” Lorelai asked in an odd tone of voice.
“Lorelai?” Sookie asked, confused.
“Over here,” Lorelai said, her voice overly cheerful. “We'll be right back guys,” Lorelai smiled woodenly. “Just sit there for a second, and we'll be right back.”
Lorelai pulled Sookie over to the gazebo. “Lorelai, what's going on?” Sookie asked.
“I have to go, Sookie,” Lorelai said, her voice quaking.
“Go where?” Sookie pressed.
“Hospital. Luke. Accident. He was going to Hartford today to get a part for the oven in the diner, and that was the hospital, and I guess he, Luke, I mean, he put my cell phone on the emergency contact numbers list, and that was them, calling to say he was in an accident, and I have to go, Sookie, I have to go right now!” Lorelai sputtered, clutching Sookie's arm tightly.
“Oh my god, how bad?” Sookie gasped.
“I don't know, they wouldn't say, they just said to get there, I just have to get there,” Lorelai moaned.
“Well, go, just go, sweetie, oh my god,” Sookie said. “I'll take everyone to my house, and you call me as soon as you know something. Just calm down and breathe, sweetie.”
“I can't calm down,” Lorelai hissed. “What do I tell the kids? I can't just say 'Daddy's in the hospital, see you later'. What am I going to tell them?”
“I've got it, don't worry, let's get you moving, okay, sweetie?” Sookie said, pulling Lorelai back towards the children. “Hey guys, I'm going to take you to get some pizza to take home, Lorelai is going to run to the inn for a while to check on something. Let's get moving.”
“Can I come, Mommy?” Grace asked.
“Not right now, hon,” Lorelai said grimly. “I have to do...some inn stuff, you and Xander, you just be good for Aunt Sookie, okay?”
“Okay,” Grace sighed.
“I'm going to run,” Lorelai said to Sookie, shooting her a grateful but frightened look.
“Be careful,” Sookie warned. And call me as soon as...you know.”
“Sookie,” Lorelai whispered, panic clouding her eyes.
“I know, Sweetie, I know,” Sookie whispered back, clutching Lorelai's hand.
Lorelai grabbed her purse and ran to the car, praising the heavens above that she had decided to drive the kids into town to meet Sookie. Lorelai slid into the driver's seat and laid her head on the steering wheel, trying to choke down the panic. “Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay,” she chanted desperately as she sat up and began the long drive to the hospital.
Chapter 18: Being Luke Danes
Lorelai sat in the hospital waiting room, her head in her hands. She glanced down at the cell phone in her lap, and closed her eyes. She knew she should call Sookie, or Rory, or her parents, or Liz, or April. She knew she should call somebody, but she didn't know what to tell them. She had been led to this waiting room shortly after she arrived in the emergency room, and someone...doctorish looking, she guessed, had told her what was going on with Luke. Lorelai heard 'surgery', 'collapsed', and 'broken' float from the lips of the man. She heard nothing else. Everything else vanished into the fog that was clouding her brain.
Lorelai tried to figure out the series of events that had led her to this room. Somewhere, Luke was laying unconscious on a table, being operated on...for something. Lorelai shuddered violently at the thought, berating herself silently for not even retaining what the damn doctor had told her. But all she could wrap her mind around was the fact that it was LUKE in there somewhere. Her Luke. They were fixing her fixer-of-all-things-broken. The cosmos was most definitely out of balance.
Lorelai sighed miserably, her eyes still closed. She pictured Luke as she saw him that morning. Just a few hours ago, really. He was being uncharacteristically mischievous that morning. They had lain in bed, putting off the inevitable start of the day. Luke kept disappearing under the sheets, ticking and groping Lorelai. She laughed and asked him what in the hell he thought he was doing. Luke had poked his head out from under the sheet. “Looking for snickerdoodles,” he grinned, and disappeared again. What a difference a few hours could make. He had disappeared completely, this time. He was only behind that mysterious set of doors down the hall, but the way Lorelai felt, he may as well have just fallen off the face of the earth. She had never felt so alone in all her life.
Lorelai moaned softly, unable to push images of Luke from her mind. Happy Luke. That's what she had called him today. Not the man she had been friends with for eight years. Not even the man she had first started a relationship with after all those years of flirting and avoidance. The Luke she was married to, he was a very different man. She hadn't changed him. She had learned her lesson. She had learned to not try to change a person into who she thought he should be. This was the man that Luke had come to be all on his own.
The man she was married to, he was happy. Content. He and Lorelai, they seldom fought. In fact, they hadn't even had a legitimate fight since that second reconciliation. The one that stuck. Sure, they had their spats, their tiffs, even the occasional days when they found each other downright irritating, for no particular reason at all. Lorelai would slam doors, dishes, drawers. Luke would mutter under his breath, sulk on the couch with his arms folded defiantly over his chest. But it never lasted. They'd talk, they'd apologize, they'd get over it. This was a man who had learned to open up, to stop compartmentalizing, to stop shutting down every time something went slightly awry. Luke still had his murky areas. He wasn't a completely open book. Lorelai knew that there were things she'd never have the whole story on. She knew she'd never know what Luke had seen the night his mother died. But Lorelai had learned finally that she didn't need to know the fine details. It wasn't about her curiosity, her desire to share his pain. His inability to share that with her wasn't a reflection of his level of trust in Lorelai. It was one of Luke's few truly sacred secrets. It belonged to him and to his mother, and no one else. There was a time when Lorelai didn't understand that, but she did now.
He wasn't even really the man she had married, now that she thought about it. That man had changed as well, grown, evolved. He had become the father of her children. He was the giver of piggy back rides, even after a long day at the diner. He was a remover of splinters, a slayer of monsters hiding under beds and in closets, a magician who could rip a Band Aid off of a scraped knee without the slightest hint of pain for the wearer. He was a man who hated giving medicine to his son, simply because the look of disgust on the boy's face as the medicine went down was enough to make him feel guilty for hours afterward. He built playhouses for his daughter, and rocket ships for his son, leaned how to use a laptop just to stay in touch with his eldest, and obsessively tracked the career of a young woman who wasn't even his own flesh and blood. His best friend in the world was a nearly five year old little girl with lofty dreams of being a ballerina. He didn't grasp ballet. It bored him to tears. But every recital, he was front and center, applauding louder than anyone else in Miss Patty's studio. He terrorized Miss Patty relentlessly when that girl wasn't given the best roles.
But he didn't just belong to the children, he was still hers. They were partners. They were confidantes. He was the only man in the world she could tell everything to now. They shared their dreams, their hopes, their fears, their disappointments, their failures, their french fries.
He was her lover. Her lover in a sense she had never imagined possible. In their first incarnation as a couple, their lovemaking was always frantic, urgent, competitive-one always seeking dominance over the other, just for the sake of masking their neediness, their fear of losing. There was always a sense of solitude in their love-making in that other life. One hiding from the other, caught up in keeping their insecurities and doubts at bay. But now, after two children, and a few years of marriage under their belts, the frantic need was gone. There was still heat, passion, God, the mere thought of feeling Luke inside of her was enough to make Lorelai weak in her knees. But there was no desperation in the act. It was familiar, comforting. The need to control was lost to the need to give pleasure, to express love. The subtleties in their togetherness, their silent cues emphasized their syncronicity. Lorelai never had to direct Luke, unless it was voiced only for the sake of heightening the experience with her words. The tilt of her head, a soft vocalization from her throat, the way she sighed, a gentle undulation of the hips always directed Luke to exactly where she wanted him to be. Likewise, she could read every sign he gave her. The way he bit his lower lip, the angle of his chin, a barely audible gasp, that low growl he emitted, the way he furrowed his brow, all signs she could read without asking for interpretation. Lorelai remembered a time when she would replay their lovemaking in her head the next day, and she would focus on the way he had penetrated her, the lust-filled words he had groaned into her ear, the way he stimulated her breasts. Now, she would reflect on a moment when his eyes lingered on hers, and a smile would form behind those eyes, she would remember a distracted brush across her forehead with his lips, how he had buried his face in her hair, a moment in which their passion was interrupted by a leg cramp or a poorly executed attempt at dirty talk, and one would collapse on top of the other, laughing. Most often, she would recall the way his hand would clutch wildly for hers as they climaxed together, and the way he would touch his forehead to hers, chanting her name in reverence as the waves of pleasure overcame them.
This was the man she loved, the man she was building her middle with. He was her heart, her home, and to not have him at her side was more than Lorelai could bear.
Lorelai felt someone sit down next to her, but she didn't move. She remained silent, her head in her hands. She flinched as she felt an arm wrap around her shoulder. Lorelai looked up finally, and frowned in confusion. “How did you know?” she whispered.
“Sookie,” Emily whispered, rubbing Lorelai's shoulder gently. “Do you have any news?”
“He's in surgery,” Lorelai sighed. “I don't know how bad. They told me, I didn't...I didn't hear.”
“You're upset,” Emily nodded. “Your father is looking for someone to give us an update.”
“Mom,” Lorelai moaned, her chin trembling as she tried to keep her emotions in check.
“I know,” Emily said. “He will be fine.”
“How do you know that?” Lorelai asked.
“Because, I said so,” Emily shrugged. “It worked for your father, it will work for your husband.”
“Mom,” Lorelai sighed, shaking her head.
“Lorelai...” Emily began, clearing her throat.
Lorelai cut her off. “Thanks for coming, Mom,” she whispered, and laid her head on Emily's shoulder. Emily looked startled at first, but she continued to caress Lorelai's shoulder, soothing her as best as she could.
Richard entered the waiting room. “Lorelai?”
Lorelai sat up. “Hi Dad, anything?”
Richard nodded. “He is in recovery, and you will be able to see him as soon as they allow him to go to a room. He has a badly broken leg, as well as a broken arm and ribs. The surgery is due to a punctured lung and a lacerated spleen. Not ideal things to happen, but that is the worst of the damage, and the surgery went smoothly. He should be fine.”
“Oh boy,” Lorelai moaned in relief. She collapsed back against her chair, relaxing finally. “Guess I was overreacting, huh?”
“No such thing,” Emily sighed, looking at Richard. “Not when your husband is missing from your side.”
Lorelai looked at Emily curiously. “I can't believe I'm going to say this, but, I know exactly what you mean.”
“I'll just keep it our little secret,” Emily smiled.
Lorelai was allowed to see Luke an hour later. She walked into the hospital room, trying not to cry when she saw Luke. He was still unconscious from the anesthesia, and was hooked up to various monitors and intravenous tubes. Lorelai grimaced at the sight of Luke's broken left arm and leg. He had a cut across the bridge of his nose, and black eyes from the impact. Lorelai quietly pulled a chair to Luke's bed, sat down, and waited.
Eventually, Luke began to stir. Lorelai reached over and held his right hand as he slowly roused from the anesthesia. After several attempts, Luke was able to open his eyes and keep them open, sort of. He turned his head and frowned at Lorelai.
“What the crap?” he muttered in confusion.
Lorelai raised her eyebrows in surprise and almost laughed at the statement.
“Hey, Babe,” she smiled wanly. “Know where you are?”
“Not...Disneyland,” Luke slurred, blinking rapidly as he tried to focus his eyes.
“No, not Disneyland,” Lorelai confirmed. “You're in the hospital.”
“What the crap for?” Luke grouched groggily, wincing in pain when he tried to move. “Oh,” he groaned. “Truck went kapow.”
“Bang, zoom, to the moon,” Lorelai shuddered.
Luke sighed, and tried to raise his arm. He winced again and looked at the fresh cast. “Crap!” he moaned, and looked at his leg. “Aw, crap!” he growled, louder.
“And the word for the day is?” Lorelai asked, smiling despite herself.
Luke sighed miserably. “Craaaaap,” he hissed .
“That about sums is up, my dear,” Lorelai sighed.
“I'm sorry,” Luke mumbled, closing his eyes.
“Don't be sorry, just be okay,” Lorelai whispered, kissing Luke's hand.
Luke turned to Lorelai again, “Really sorry. I scare you?” he slurred, fighting to keep his eyes open.
“You scared the shit out of me,” Lorelai frowned.
“Love you,” Luke mumbled.
“I love you too, Baby,” Lorelai replied softly. “And Luke?”
“Huh?” Luke whispered, barely awake now.
“If you ever fucking scare me like this again,” Lorelai said sternly, choking back tears, “I will rip your tongue out with my bare hands and shove it someplace really uncomfortable.”
Luke opened his eyes again, and peered at Lorelai. “Backseat of a Volkswagen?” he said loopily.
Lorelai stared at Luke, mouth agape. “Did you seriously just drop a 'Mallrats' reference?” she asked in amazement.
“Don't like the mall,” Luke said under his breath, his eyelids drooping.
“That's okay,” Lorelai said. She stroked Luke's forehead gently. “Just go back to sleep, sweetie, I'll be right here when you wake up.”
“'Kay,” Luke muttered. His eyes suddenly shot open, and he looked at Lorelai worriedly.
“What is it, sweetie?” Lorelai asked.
“Gracie's gonna kick my ass, isn't she?” he asked.
“Oh, there are no words for the ass-kicking you're going to get from that girl once she gets a look at you,” Lorelai grinned. “You'd better start working on a good excuse for this mess right now. You're going to need it.”
Luke closed his eyes and sighed. “Crap,” he mumbled, and fell back asleep.
Chapter 19: Nurse? Can You Bring Back My Middle?
“Morning, Sunshine,” Lorelai smiled as Luke finally woke up.
“Morning,” Luke groaned. He groggily looked around the room. “What day is it?”
“It's Wednesday, I think,” Lorelai replied.
“Geez,” Luke muttered. “How long have I been in here?”
“Nine full days,” Lorelai frowned.
“Geez,” Luke said again. “Am I done getting cut open now?”
“That depends, are you going to stop bleeding internally?” Lorelai asked reproachfully.
“Hey, I can't control that,” Luke shrugged. “Damn. Well, I hope you find scars sexy, because you've got a crapload of them to look at from now on.”
“Tattoos, scars, and men with metal rods jammed in their thighs. I find all those things sexy,” Lorelai replied.
“I want to go home,” Luke moaned. “When are they going to let me go home?”
“I know you want out of here, Sweetie, we'll be able to leave soon enough,” Lorelai murmured as she stroked Luke's forehead. “You just have to be patient.”
Luke looked at Lorelai sheepishly. “I really sounded like the kids right there, didn't I?”
“Yeah, you did,” Lorelai laughed. “You've earned some whining rights, though. I know you're miserable.”
“Beyond miserable,” Luke sighed, rubbing his eyes with his good hand. “Ow,” he muttered.
“Watch it, you're still a little beat up, hon,” Lorelai said.
“I notice,” Luke winced. “Do I still look that shitty? I don't want to freak Gracie out.”
“She's more freaked out that you're not home,” Lorelai admitted. “She needs to see you, she isn't going to get a good night's sleep until she does.”
“Crap,” Luke muttered. “I hate that she's so upset about this, I feel like a total schmuck for getting into this fix.”
“It's quite a pickle,” Lorelai smiled. “I tend to blame the truck driver who decided to fall asleep at the wheel at 45 miles per hour, though. He's the one who should be feeling like a schmuck.”
“How bad is she really?” Luke asked mournfully.
“Um, I think she's just a little incapable of rationalizing things,” Lorelai replied. “I think she's just at that stage where she can't get past the fact that Poppy isn't here right now. She can't grasp that you're going to come back. And I think the fact that Maizie's death is still pretty fresh on her mind isn't helping matters.”
“Oh, boy,” Luke groaned. “Total pickle.”
“She asked me if you had cancer,” Lorelai confessed.
“I think I made a mistake telling her so much about my parents,” Luke sighed regretfully.
“No,” Lorelai said firmly. “I think in the long run it's better for her to know the truth on some level. You didn't tell her the bad parts. You were just being straight with her. She needs to trust that her Poppy will be honest about the tough subjects. You didn't tell her anything that I wouldn't have told her myself.”
“I don't know. It worries me,” Luke sighed.
“I know, Babe,” Lorelai smiled. “She'll be here soon, and it'll be better.”
“Wish Xan was coming,” Luke muttered.
“Hey, you remembered you have a son?” Lorelai snarked.
“Stop it,” Luke grumbled, fidgeting with his cast. “Does he miss me?”
“Of course he misses you,” Lorelai exclaimed.
“I kind of miss all the sneezing,” Luke chuckled as he tried to attack an itch with a straw.
“Hey, don't do that,” Lorelai scolded. “It'll get stuck.”
“I hope I'm out in time for his party,” Luke sighed, tossing the straw aside.
“If you don't we'll just move the party,” Lorelai promised. “Sookie is on stand-by for last minute changes.”
“Still dinosaurs?” Luke asked.
“He's still a fan of dinosaurs,” Lorelai smiled.
“Did you get the tee ball set?” Luke asked hopefully.
“Yep, and I kind of embellished on your gift,” Lorelai said excitedly.
“If the words 'Hello Kitty' come out of your mouth, I'm filing for divorce,” Luke cringed.
“How about the words 'Manny Ramirez'?” Lorelai grinned wickedly.
“Keep talking,” Luke said with interest.
“How does a Number 24 jersey with matching Red Sox baseball cap from the Daddy sound?” Lorelai asked triumphantly.
Luke grinned broadly. “You're pretty. Will you marry me?”
“I'll get back to you on that,” Lorelai laughed, leaning over to kiss Luke. They looked up as a soft knock sounded on the door.
“Come in,” Lorelai called.
Sookie popped her head into the the room,”I've got a visitor here to see a Mr. Luke “Poppy” Danes,” she smiled, waving at Luke.
Grace poked her head hesitantly into the room, the tip of her thumb hovering near her mouth.
“Gracie?” Luke called.
“Poppy?” Grace whispered, her eyes wide.
Luke waved at Grace with his right hand. “Hi, monkey,” Luke smiled.
Grace waved at Luke solemnly and clutched at Lorelai's jeans. “What, are you shy all of a sudden?” Lorelai asked, stroking Grace's curls. “Want to go see Poppy?”
Grace looked up a Lorelai and nodded. Lorelai took Grace's hand and led her to the right side of Luke's bed.
“Couple of ground rules,” Lorelai murmured, picking Grace up. “You can sit beside Poppy, but he still has a belly ache, so don't flop on him, and you see the casts on his arm and leg? Try not to hit those, he's sore on that side. Just be gentle, okay?”
Grace nodded and stared at Luke as Lorelai sat her next to him.
“Hi, sweetie,” Luke smiled, twirling a wild lock of Grace's hair. “Miss me?”
Grace nodded mutely, sucking on the tip of her thumb.
“Can I get a hug?” Luke prodded gently.
Grace looked warily at Luke's left side of his body.
“That side hurts, but this side is okay,” Luke assured her, extending his right arm out for Grace.
Grace slowly laid her head on Luke's shoulder, and Luke wrapped his arm around Grace.
“I'm okay, baby girl,” Luke whispered, kissing Grace on the forehead.
“Okay,” Grace sighed, and relaxed into Luke's hug.
“I'm coming home soon, okay?” Luke assured Grace.
“Okay,” Grace nodded, snuggling closer to Luke.
Lorelai opened up a magazine and let Luke and Grace visit for a while. Grace slowly lost her shyness, and soon she and Luke were chattering away about her new ballet slippers and the status of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Lorelai watched Luke and finally decided it was time for Grace to go when she saw Luke beginning to look fatigued.
“Okay, Gracie-kins, we're going to have to give Poppy a breather, now,” Lorelai announced.
Grace's face fell. “Don't want to go,” she pouted.
“Poppy needs to rest. The more rest he gets the quicker we can get him home,” Lorelai explained.
“Come home fast, Poppy,” Grace begged Luke.
“Fast as I can,” Luke promised. “Give me a kiss, monkey, and be good for Mommy.”
Grace leaned up and kissed Luke on the lips. “I love you, Poppy,” she smiled.
“Love you too, monkey,” Luke grinned. “Thanks for visiting me.”
Grace waved to Luke as Lorelai carried her out the door. Luke closed his eyes, irritated that he was so easily wiped out still. He heard Lorelai come back into the room, but kept his eyes shut.
“Okay, ready?” he heard Lorelai whisper. “Say 'surprise'!”
“Prize!” Xander yelped.
Luke opened his eyes and grinned. “Xan!” he exclaimed. Luke narrowed his eyes at Lorelai as she carried Xander to Luke's right side. “I thought you said...”
“I lied,” Lorelai giggled. “Xan the Man wanted to see his Daddy, too.”
Lorelai sat gingerly on the bed with Xander. “There he is,” she smiled, pointing at Luke.
“Daddy,” Xander smiled, hiding his eyes.
“What is up with you nutbags, acting all shy?” Luke laughed. “Hiya, Xan, I missed you, buddy.”
“Hi,” Xander replied , reaching out for Luke.
Luke held out his fist to Xander. “Pound it,” he instructed.
Xander made a fist and popped Luke's fist with his own.
Luke flattened his hand. “Slide it,” he grinned.
Xander slid his hand across Luke's palm, laughing out loud.
“Send it home,” Luke chuckled, holding his hand up in the air.
Xander gave Luke a high five. “Go home!” he giggled.
“Weirdos,” Lorelai muttered, shaking her head.
“You look bigger,” Luke mused, playing with Xander's shoe. “Are you getting bigger?”
“Lots big,” Xander informed Luke.
“Well, stop it,” Luke growled. “Stay little for a while longer, okay?”
“'Kay!” Xander agreed without hesitation.
“That's my guy,” Luke grinned.
Xander held up his index finger. “I got a boo-boo,” he informed Luke sadly.
Luke inspected Xander's index finger. “How did you get a boo-boo?” he asked.
“Kitty,” Xander grouched.
“Miss Kitty got you, huh?” Luke frowned.
Xander nodded. “Kiss it?” he asked brightly.
Luke pulled Xander's hand closer and kissed the tip of the finger lightly. “That help?” he asked.
“Uh-huh,” Xander replied.
“Good,” Luke smiled. “I'm glad you came to see me, kiddo.”
“Me too,” Xander said shyly. “Kiss boo-boo,” he muttered, twisting in Lorelai's lap. Lorelai laughed as Xander tried to get to Luke's broken arm. Luke lifted his arm and screwed up his face, ready for an accidental whack from the boy. Instead, Xander managed to expertly balance himself in Lorelai's arms, despite the odd angle she had to hold the boy to avoid Luke's incisions. Xander puckered up and planted a gentle kiss on Luke's cast.
“All better,” Xander announced.
“It feels much better now, thanks, squirt,” Luke laughed.
“Okay, buster, give Daddy a kiss, he needs a nap, like five minutes ago,” Lorelai said. Xander gave Luke a sloppy kiss right on the lips.
“Thanks, Xan,” Luke smiled, “I'll see you soon, okay, buddy?”
“'Kay,” Xander replied. “Bye Daddy.”
“Bye, baby, I love you,” Luke said, waving as Lorelai carried Xander out to Sookie.
“Love you,” Xander yelped as they exited through the door.
Luke burst out laughing when he heard the echo of Xander's sudden sneezing fit drift into his room.
“Ow,” Luke winced, trying to contain his laughter.
Lorelai came back into the room. “Hear that?” she giggled.
“Yeah,” Luke grinned, wiping a tear from his eye. “I think I just popped a stitch.”
Chapter 20: A Connecticut Yankee In Traction
Luke stared sullenly at the Crapshack as Lorelai parked the car. “Great,” he muttered. “I have a ramp, now, do I get to wear a special helmet too?”
“Oh, stop,” Lorelai sighed. “It's only until you're mobile again. If you can walk up the porch steps with one half of your body encased in plaster, then I'll gladly ditch the ramp. Until then, enjoy having a personal chauffeur to wheel you around.”
“Yippee,” Luke growled.
Lorelai got out of the car and pulled a wheelchair out of the trunk. She wheeled to to the passenger side of the car as Luke pushed his door open. “Let's go, Miss Daisy,” Lorelai smiled.
Luke narrowed his eyes at Lorelai and slowly rotated his body until both feet were sticking out of the car. He looked at the wheelchair, then looked at his leg. “Okay, how do we do this?” Luke sighed.
Lorelai leaned over Luke. “I help you, that's how we do this,” she explained.
“You're going to hurt yourself. Or the baby,” Luke worried.
“No, I won't,” Lorelai promised. “We're not going to do anything complicated, you're just going to hang on to me so we can get you out of the car.”
Luke groaned as Lorelai pulled him into a standing position, balancing wobbily on his good leg. Lorelai guided Luke to the wheelchair and gave him support as he lowered himself into the seat.
“There,” Lorelai wheezed as she began to push the wheelchair toward the house. “Was that so bad?”
“On a scale of one to ten?” Luke asked. “About a forty.”
“Did I hurt you?” Lorelai frowned as she maneuvered Luke up the ramp.
“Only my pride,” Luke sniffed as they entered the house. “Where am I going to sleep? I'm not making it up the stairs.”
“I have Rory and April's room ready for you,” Lorelai assured Luke. “Lots of pillows for your propping pleasure.”
Luke sighed miserably. “How the hell am I going to take a shower? I'm going to end up stinking like a pig if I don't figure out how to get a good shower in.”
“Spongebaths,” Lorelai grinned, parking Luke's wheelchair in the living room. “Dirty spongebaths.”
Luke arched his eyebrow at Lorelai. “Promise?” he grinned.
“Have I ever lied about the dirty?” Lorelai laughed, helping Luke limp to the couch. Lorelai went to grab some pillows out of Rory and April's room and brought them back to the couch, fluffing them and trying to make Luke comfortable by stuffing one behind his back, another behind his neck. Lorelai put a pillow on the coffee table and gently lifted and placed Luke's plaster encased leg on top of it.
Grace and Xander burst through the front door, Sookie following close behind.
“Poppy!” Grace squealed, running toward Luke
“Daddy home!” Xander hooted, hot on Grace's heels.
Lorelai jumped in between Luke and the rapidly approaching children. “Freeze!” she yelled, holding both hands out in front of her.
Grace and Xander screeched to a halt.
“Good,” Lorelai nodded. “Do not run around your father, do not jump on your father, do not squeeze your father, do not hurt his belly or his ribs, do not hurt his arm, and especially do not hurt his leg. That is the most important rule. Your father's leg really hurts, and that has the most healing to do. Do you two understand me?” Lorelai asked.
Grace and Xander nodded their heads in unison.
“Gentle,” Lorelai warned. “You must be gentle around your father.”
“Okay,” the children agreed.
Lorelai stepped aside, satisfied. “Now, GENTLY, say hi to your father.”
Grace and Xander stared at Luke, trying to find the most gentle path available.
Luke laughed. “Gracie, you sit on my left side, just be careful with my leg, Xander, you get up here,” Luke directed, patting the cushion on his right side.
Both children complied, climbing gingerly into their appointed positions. Luke winced and raised his broken arm up to accommodate Grace on his left, and pulled Xander close on his right. “Okay, I think we're set,” Luke smiled. “Hiya Gracie,” he murmured, kissing Grace on the forehead. “And hiya, Xan, “ Luke continued as Xander craned his face up to Luke for a kiss.
“Daddy,” Xander sighed happily.
“You're staying home now?” Grace asked suspiciously.
“I'm sticking around, I promise,” Luke swore.
“Good. Don't get wrecked up anymore,” Grace chided grumpily.
“I promise, no more two-stepping with Mack trucks,” Luke said, rolling his eyes.
“Boom!” Xander yelled. “Truck went boom!”
“Something like that,” Luke agreed. “So, I hear there's a party happening this weekend.”
“Mine!” Xander clapped.
“Really?” Luke asked. “Are you going somewhere? Is it a Bon Voyage party?”
“No,” Xander frowned.
“Did you get a promotion?” Luke queried.
“Nooo,” Xander moaned.
“Poppy,” Grace giggled as Luke continued to tease poor Xander.
“Is it...a Halloween party? Luke grinned.
“It's my birfday,” Xander explained impatiently.
“Really? Luke asked. “You really think you should get a party for that? I mean, you were just born. No effort there. Your Mommy did all the work. SHE'S the one who should get a party, don't you think?”
“No!” Xander cried. “My birfday, want cake.”
“How old are you going to be again?” Luke asked.
Xander held up his fingers. “This many,” he responded.
Luke frowned and nodded his head. “Okay, I guess you can have a party if you're that many fingers.”
“Yay!” Xander clapped again.
Lorelai wandered into the kitchen while Luke and the kids caught up. Sookie had returned to preparing various treats for the impending birthday party.
“Thanks for keeping an eye on the midgets for me while I picked Luke up,” Lorelai said gratefully.
“Anytime, Sweetie,” Sookie smiled. “They really missed him, they were so excited that he was coming home I thought I was going to have to break out the tranquilizer gun.”
“Never hesitate to bring the tranquilizers out,” Lorelai laughed. “I have to use mine at least ten times a day.”
“You handled this whole Luke in the hospital deal pretty well,” Sookie noted as she fussed over the birthday treats.
“Are you kidding me?” Lorelai gasped. “You weren't here that first night when they kicked me out of the hospital.”
“You're pregnant, I'm glad the doctor ordered you to come home,” Sookie countered.
“But they gave me his clothing as I left,” Lorelai shuddered. “I thought I was just going to dump his clothes in the hamper, and then I pulled out his damn tshirt.”
“Did you have a special bonding moment with Luke's shirt?” Sookie asked, confused.
“No, Sookie, it was soaked with blood,” Lorelai said, frowning at the memory. “It was cut in half, because they had to cut him out of his clothing. And it was just soaked through with blood. I stared at it for an hour. I couldn't remember what color tshirt he had been wearing that morning, and I couldn't tell by looking at it for all the blood. I just lost it. I sat there on the floor in our bedroom, without Luke, crying and hugging this sticky, awful, bloody shirt.”
“Oh, Sweetie, that must have been awful,” Sookie cringed. “What were they thinking, giving that to you?”
“It wasn't real until I saw that shirt,” Lorelai sighed. “Do you realize how close we were to losing him? I couldn't imagine having to go on without him here, those kids wouldn't be able to take it, Sookie.”
“I know,” Sookie nodded sympathetically. “But, you didn't lose him. He's right out there in the living room with your babies. Everyone is safe and sound, and where they belong.”
“He's in pain” Lorelai whimpered. “I know everything is going to be fine, but I'm standing here with a big knot in my gut because I know he's in pain still.”
“You're his wife. You love him, of course you're feeling awful for him,” Sookie replied. “But he won't be in pain forever. He will heal up and everthing will be fine.”
“He'll always have some pain,” Lorelai argued. “That leg was so mangled. They said his bones were just smashed to bits. It will always hurt. He has metal and pins in there holding everything together. The doctor said he'll need physical therapy to get walking again, and he also said to be prepared to really hate cold, damp days. He might even need to use a cane from now on, even if he does heal up well. Sookie, Luke isn't going to walk the same ever again.”
“Keep it in perspective, Lorelai,” Sookie said, trying to soothe Lorelai. “A cane? I'd take a cane anyday, as long as Jackson was holding it, and perfectly healthy otherwise.”
“I know,” Lorelai sighed. “I'm sorry, I think the baby has me all hormonal and emotional, and the idea of Luke limping around for the rest of his life seems really awful to me right now.”
“Think of it this way,” Sookie replied. “Luke always kind of walked funny, anyway.”
Lorelai snorted. “Be nice,” she smiled.
“Well, he did,” Sookie giggled. “He kind of walks like a duck, don't you think?”
“I don't know what you're talking about,” Lorelai smirked.
“Well, I'm just glad he's home,” Sookie smiled. “And just in time for Xander's party.”
“Yeah,” Lorelai replied. “He was really worried he'd miss it. I'd better go check on the troops, make sure they aren't terrorizing the disabled daddy.”
Lorelai walked out to the living room, and smiled at the scene before her. Luke had somehow maneuvered himself onto his back, and he was now stretched lengthwise across the couch cushions. Xander was sandwiched between Luke and the couch, his head on Luke's shoulder, and Luke's good arm curled around the now sleeping boy. Luke was snoring loudly. Lorelai looked down at Grace, who was hunched over Luke's plastered-up leg. She walked closer to see what the little girl was up to.
“Grace, what do you think you're doing?” Lorelai whispered.
Grace looked up. “I'm signing Poppy's cast,” she explained. “Just like when Doula broked her arm.”
“Did Poppy say you could do that?” Lorelai asked, covering her mouth to hide her laughter.
“Uh-huh,” Grace assured Lorelai. “Look. It's pretty now.”
Lorelai laughed out loud. The lower half of Luke's cast was branded with a very large, very wobbly purple magic markered G-R-A-C-I-E. Grace had taken advantage of Luke's slumber by surrounding her signature with numerous flowers and smiley faces, as well as at least a full page of Hello Kitty stickers.
“Well,” Lorelai grinned. “Poppy is going to be very...surprised when he wakes up. Why don't we put up the markers now and let Poppy and Xan get some rest, okay?”
“Okay, “ Grace sighed, as she packed up her markers. She stood up and followed Lorelai back into the kitchen.
“I'm glad Poppy's home,” Grace said as she climbed into a chair to watch Lorelai and Sookie prepare for Xander's party.
“Kid, you have no idea how happy I am, too,” Lorelai smiled.
Chapter 21: Educating Gracie
“Hey, Luke,” Rory smiled as she poured a cup of coffee. “Want any tea? I've got some already brewed for you.”
“Who are you and what have you done with Lorelai Gilmore's daughter?” Luke grunted as he struggled into the kitchen on a pair of crutches, “And yes, thank you.”
“Not fair,” Rory pouted. “I'm a big-time journalist now, journalism is not a sleeping in late kind of career. I'm used to the early hours.”
“You're on your vacation, you should be enjoying it, sleeping in, watching Ricki Lake re-runs,” Luke grinned, easing into a chair.
“I think you need a vacation more than I do,” Rory sighed. “How many more times are they going to rework your leg?” she asked, bringing a cup of peppermint tea to Luke.
“I don't know,” Luke groaned. “At least I have my arm back. I can function a lot better with only one bum appendage.”
“You're like the Six Million Dollar Man,” Rory teased. “They keep trying to make you better, stronger, faster...”
“Except I keep getting more gimpy, slower, less likely to remember what it's like to wear a full set of pants,” Luke complained, glaring at the crutches propped up beside him.
“Good Morning, husband of mine, girl who resembles somebody who used to live here,” Lorelai yawned. “Coffee. Must have coffee.”
“I still can't get used to seeing HER up this early in the morning,” Rory laughed, pouring a cup of coffee for Lorelai.
“Gotta make sure the backpack is fully stocked for Gracie's first day of school,” Lorelai moaned, sitting down at the table and taking a sip of coffee. “This is decaf. Luke, did you screw with my coffee again?”
Luke shot Lorelai a withering gaze. “I compromised. It's half decaf, half good old-fashioned death in the form of a bean.”
“I want the whole old-fashioned death bean,” Lorelai pouted.
“Not until you drop the fetus,” Luke sighed.
“Ew,” Rory said, wrinkling her nose, “That statement is wrong on so many levels.”
“Sorry,” Luke chuckled.
“So, I guess I'd better go wake Gracie soon,” Lorelai said. “Excited about the first day of school, Pops?”
“I guess so,” Luke muttered. “Wish we could walk her to school.”
“Well, we've got to break in the new Jeep, anyway,” Lorelai said.
“Remind me to get lots of pictures of Mom behind the wheel of a sport utility vehicle,” Rory snorted.
“Hey, it's dictated by life changes, not by desire,” Lorelai pouted. “At least we didn't get a powder blue minivan with wood paneling.”
“I'd never come home again if I had to face that sight,” Rory grimaced.
“I miss our old Jeep,” Lorelai sighed.
“It put up a good fight,” Luke said sympathetically. “But I draw the line at completely replacing the engine twice. It was time to move on.”
“You guys really don't have a firm grasp on the trade-in concept do you?” Rory laughed. “Mom and our dead-in-the-water Jeep, and you and your flat-as-a-pancake Chevy, put them both together, and what a fine hunk of beat up scrap metal you have.”
“Don't mention flattened trucks,” Lorelai shuddered, rubbing her growing belly. “I still have issues with the idea.”
“Sorry,” Rory apologized. “I'm not a fan of the image myself.”
“You're telling me,” Luke agreed, fidgeting uncomfortably in his chair.
“At least you have a new cast,” Lorelai said. “New canvas for Gracie and her graffiti.”
“Yeah, I really like how a Hello Kitty sticker fell out of the old one before the last operation,” Luke snarked. “Try explaining THAT to your doctor.”
“Just tell him you're getting in touch with your feminine side,” Rory offered.
“Yeah, that'll help,” Luke muttered.
“Guess I'd better go wake up our little Van Gogh,” Lorelai sighed, standing up and heading for the stairs.
“She seems too young for school already,” Rory mused.
“She'll be five by January, so she's in,” Luke replied.
“Well, the state of Connecticut may say she's old enough, but I still say she should be watching Teletubbies.”
“Yeah, they're growing up fast,” Luke replied sadly.
“I feel like the next time I get enough free time to visit, Xander will be wearing aftershave,” Rory frowned.
“I don't think they're growing up THAT fast,” Luke smiled. “He's still wearing Eau De Play Doh, most of the time.”
“And in a few more months, we'll be starting all over with Baby Dumpling,” Rory grinned.
“Yeah, how did I get suckered into that again?” Luke laughed.
“Suckered, my ass, Mom could convince you to have twenty more babies if her uterus could keep up,” Rory giggled.
“Bite your tongue,” Luke shuddered. “One more will be nice though.”
“Shooting for another boy?” Rory asked.
“Need one for balance,” Luke admitted. “There's only so much Hello Kitty a man can take.”
“How is Xander handling the baseball training?” Rory smiled.
“Uh...he thinks the tee ball stand is to be treated more like a football tee,” Luke sighed. “He holds the bat and kicks the pole.”
“Oh, my god,” Rory laughed.
“We're working on it,” Luke grinned. “It doesn't help that I can't exactly bend over to pick up the ball. He's getting mixed signals on how the game is played. He thinks the pitcher is supposed to act like a hockey player.”
“School girl on the deck,” Lorelai sang as Grace bounded into the kitchen. Lorelai carried a still groggy Xander in her arms.
“Morning, big girl,” Luke smiled. “Ready for the big day?”
“Uh huh,” Grace nodded. “I'm gonna learn lots of stuff.”
“Good,” Luke nodded, taking Xander from Lorelai. “Morning, Xan,” he murmured to the sleepy boy.
“Mmnng,” Xander mumbled, burying his face in Luke's chest.
“Not a morning person,” Rory noted with amusement.
“It's in the blood,” Luke grinned, shooting Lorelai a pointed look as she poured cereal for the children.
“I heard that,” Lorelai muttered, reaching into the refrigerator for milk. “All right, kiddies, eat up,” she said, bringing the bowls of cereal to the table.
Xander balanced on Luke's right leg and moodily ate his cereal as the girls chattered about Grace's first day of kindergarten. Luke munched quietly on an apple.
Lorelai did a double take as she looked up at Luke and Xander. “Like father, like son,” she smiled, marveling at Luke and the little carbon copy of himself sitting on his leg. Same sandy brown hair, same piercing blue eyes, same curls at the nape of their necks, same casual slouch, even the same slightly vacant stare they both seemed to possess first thing in the morning before they really started to wake up. Grace looked a lot like Lorelai, except for those blondish curls that Luke said were just like his mother's, but Xander's resemblance to Luke was downright startling at times. Lorelai remembered the first picture she had ever seen of Luke's father, and she had audibly gasped when she looked at it. It was a picture of Luke and his father standing side by side. Luke said he thought he was just over 19 years old in that picture. Luke's father was already starting to get sick by that time, but the illness hadn't taken a physical toll on his body yet. William and Luke were standing by a lake, fishing equipment obvious in the background. Both men wore flannel shirts, and had their arms folded over their chests. They both wore the exact same smirks, their heads were tilted toward each other at the exact same angle, and, if Lorelai didn't know any better, she would have sworn it was just a picture of Luke leaning on a mirror. It was downright eerie. She had a feeling that Xander was going to grow up into an exact replica of his own father, as well. Lorelai's smile widened. “Lucky kid,” she thought.
Rory waved her hand in front of Lorelai's face. “Mork calling Orson, come in, Orson,” she giggled.
Lorelai shook her head. “I'm sorry, babe, what?”
“I said you probably should hit the road,” Rory replied.
“Oh, right. Okay, then Gracie, it's show time,” Lorelai smiled. “Grab your backpack, and we'll do one last check before we go.”
Grace retrieved her backpack and brought it back to Lorelai. Lorelai opened the bag and rummaged through, making sure everything Grace needed for her first day was inside.
“Crayons, glue, construction paper, chubby pencils, sharpener, folders, and...Bunbun?” Lorelai queried, pulling Bunbun's head out of the backpack.
“Just in case,” Grace shrugged nervously.
“Gotcha,” Lorelai winked, and tucked Bunbun back in his hiding place. “All right, troops, let's roll out,” Lorelai ordered, and began to shepherd the children to the car. Rory followed Luke and hovered as he made his way down the porch steps and into the SUV. Lorelai guided the packed vehicle to the elementary school and parked at the curb as hordes of children and parents descended on the building.
“All right, Gracie, this is it, all set?” Lorelai grinned.
Grace stared at the school, wide-eyed. “I guess so,” she said, her nervousness apparent. Lorelai and Rory hopped out of the SUV with Grace. Luke got out of the passenger seat and hobbled to the open back door, lowering himself onto the floor with his legs jutting out of the vehicle.
“Okay, G, end of the line for me and Xander,” Luke said, holding his arms open for the little girl. Grace threw herself into Luke's arms.
“Bye, Poppy,” she whispered.
“Be good, and learn lots of stuff,” Luke instructed Grace, kissing the top of her head a few times.
“Okay,” Grace said. “I hope I make friends.”
Luke chuckled. “Are you kidding me? You're going to own that school,” he assured the girl.
“Think so?” Grace asked uncertainly.
“Absolutely,” Luke nodded. “Just go in there, wow them with your Gracie-ness, and don't pick on the little kids. You'll be fine.”
“Okay,” Grace replied, and gave Luke a small wave.
“See ya, baby girl,” Luke sighed, a little sadly. Lorelai and Rory walked into the school with Grace, disappearing from view.
“Go to school,” Xander pouted.
“You want to go to school, too?” Luke asked.
“Uh huh,” Xander frowned. “Wanna go with Gracie.”
“You'll be going to school soon enough,” Luke smiled. “You're supposed to be staying little for a while yet, remember? Just be patient.”
“Okay,” Xander said, digging a french fry out of his booster seat. “Fry!” he exclaimed and tried to take a bite.
“Whoah!” Luke yelped and leaned back to snatch the offending fry from Xander's clutches.
“Hey!” Xander scowled.
“You're not eating that. God only knows how long that thing's been lurking in your seat,” Luke shuddered as he flicked the french fry into the rain gutter beneath his feet.
“Like fries,” Xander argued.
“Yet another thing to blame on your genetics,” Luke chuckled.
Lorelai and Rory returned to the SUV. “Okay,” Lorelai sighed. “Guess Gracie's all set. She's in class. In school. Learning things.”
“And how are you dealing with that?” Luke grinned.
Lorelai flopped on the floorboard next to Luke, putting her face into her hands. “I don't know,” she moaned, sniffling a little. “She was just a baby yesterday.”
“I know what you mean,” Luke said softly, rubbing Lorelai's back in sympathy.
Rory climbed in between Luke and Lorelai and took a seat next to Xander. “How long are you two going to sit there and cry over this?” she smirked.
“Not crying,” Lorelai sniffed, wiping a tear from her eye. “Damn it, stupid pregnancy hormones.”
“Give me a break,” Luke laughed. “Those are Mommy hormones, not pregnancy hormones, admit it.”
Lorelai glared at Luke. “You mean you aren't a little sad that she's going off to school?”
Luke shrugged. “It is what it is. Can't fight time. She's growing up,” he muttered.
“I hate it when you get all rational on me. Especially when I know you're having a fit on the inside,” Lorelai hissed.
“Don't know what you're talking about,” Luke replied, and pulled himself up onto his crutches. “Now drive, woman, breakfast at the diner's on me.”
“Fine,” Lorelai sighed and stood up. “This sucks,” she whispered, giving Luke a kiss on the cheek. “It's awesome, but it sucks.”
“I know,” Luke grinned. “You'll survive, I promise.”
Lorelai closed the rear door of the SUV and slumped toward the driver's side of the vehicle. Luke opened the passenger door and painfully hauled himself into the seat. He shot one last glance at the school. Luke sighed heavily and shook his head. “Stop growing up so fast, damn it,” he whispered sadly, and pulled the door shut.
Chapter 22: The First Rule Of Fight Club Is...
Luke slammed his ledger shut and groaned.
“That good, huh?” Lorelai asked.
“Books are starting to look like a bad impersonation of my dad's old hardware store numbers,” Luke sighed, rubbing his eyes.
“Things will get better,” Lorelai assured Luke. “The inn's pulling in decent profit still. We're fine.”
Luke looked up at Lorelai and frowned. “We're still paying for the last round of construction on this dive, Tom hasn't given us the final bill on our most recent work, I'm up to my neck in medical bills the insurance won't cover for the bionic leg here, and, in case you've forgotten, we're going to have another mouth to feed around here, soon enough,” Luke huffed.
“We'll be okay,” Lorelai murmured, distractedly scraping at a food particle clinging to the dish she was drying with a towel.
“Xander practically needs an entirely new wardrobe. Lousy timing for a major growth spurt. The kid looks ridiculous in those high-waters,” Luke grunted.
“Okay, so we can cut some milk out of his diet, stunt his growth a little until the finances work themselves out,” Lorelai smiled, putting dishes in the cabinet.
“Damn it, Lorelai,” Luke growled. “I'm glad you find this amusing. I sure as hell don't. We have money just flying out the door at warp speed, and not very much trickling back in.”
“Calm down, Babe,” Lorelai sighed. “Slumps happen. We have two kids, a dog, a cat, and a baby on the way. Of course we're spending money. We're going to be in the red for the next twenty five years. It's a given.”
“Stop dismissing this,” Luke hissed. “Winter is coming, and the heating bill is going to go through the roof again, we have two ridiculous car payments to juggle now, I'm keeping the diner open sporadically, at best, and I am trying to dig up a freaking twenty dollar bill from the disaster that is our budget, just to feed a fucking cat.”
Lorelai sat in the chair next to where Luke sat hunched over the kitchen table. She lowered her chin onto Luke's shoulder. “Hey,” she whispered. “Breathe, hon, we'll find some pennies to pinch here. It will be fine, you'll see.” Lorelai reached under Luke's arm and stroked his chest. “Anything I can do to take your mind off of this stuff?” she smiled, nuzzling Luke's ear with her nose.
Luke shrugged hard to extricate himself from Lorelai's embrace. “Knock it off,” he said sharply. “This isn't something you can solve by waggling some tit in my face.”
Lorelai stiffened and sat upright. “Tit?” she mused. “Did you seriously just say 'tit'?”
“I am trying to get this crap straightened...” Luke began before Lorelai cut him off.
“Calling them 'boobies', I can get behind. It's cute, it's affectionate. 'Ta-tas' I can even deal with. Funny, in the right situation. But 'tit'? That's just...that's just crude,” Lorelai muttered, wounded.
“Great, let's argue about something as important and pressing as proper breast slang designations,” Luke said through gritted teeth.
Lorelai abruptly stood up. “Hey,” she snapped. “Things are tight, I get that. But we are not in dire straits here. If things were really that bad, we could always...”
“Hell, no,” Luke yelled. “I am not running to your Mommy and Daddy for a handout. That's your scene, NOT mine.”
“Keep your voice down, the babies are sleeping,” Lorelai warned. “And they LOANED me money. I paid them back, so get your facts straight, okay?”
“Okay,” Luke nodded, his eyes glittering with anger. “Let's get my facts straight, shall we? Fact: You paid off your loan for Chilton with a check with lots and lots of zeros on it that magically fell into your lap because Daddy invested some money in your name. Fact: You couldn't get get financial aid for Rory to go to Yale because of that check, so Rory had to run to your Mommy and Daddy for help. And of course, good old Christopher got to step in and save the day by writing yet another check with lots and lots of zeros to pay that little debt. Fact: When you ran out of money to renovate the Dragonfly, who bailed you out with a check with lots and lots of zeros? Wait for it, hey...that was ME,” Luke fumed, pounding his fist into the table to emphasize his words. “Yeah, Lorelai, you are ALL about the struggle. Someone should get you a shirt that says 'Ask Me About My Fight For Survival'. Give me a break.”
“You know what?” Lorelai screeched. “I really, really don't like you right now.”
“Not my fault you're a spoiled rich princess,” Luke muttered, slapping the ledger book across the table.
“Oh, fuck you,” Lorelai snarled. “I had no help with Rory. I was a teenager, and I did it myself. I raised that girl without any of that rich princess crap you're trying to lay on me.”
“Right,” Luke agreed sarcastically. “Because Mia putting food on your table, and a roof over your head doesn't count as help. You're right, my error. You're not accustomed to getting bailed out of those sticky situations. Not at all.”
“What the hell is your damage?” Lorelai yelled.
Luke fumbled angrily with his crutches as he pulled himself upright. “Hey,” Luke roared at Lorelai. “I know what it's like to grow up without much money. I know what it's like to not know whether you're going to have a home a few weeks down the road. I know what it's like to have to turn off the heat and sleep in your coat because you have to choose between having food in the fridge and being comfortable in the middle of February. You don't have a god damned clue about ANY of that. I'm not doing that to my kids. I am not buying them the government cheese and the white boxes of cereal with the black print that screams 'Welfare Case' to every one who watches my dad at the checkout counter at Doose's. I refuse to have to buy my kids Christmas presents at the fucking Goodwill store. I'm not going to let them walk around in hand-me-down clothes that some do-gooder asshole leaves on the porch so my dad knows that everyone else knows we're flat busted. I am not going to let Grace and Xander and little what's-its-face here get mocked at school because some jackass kid recognizes their old shirt on my back. I am their father. It is MY job to do better than that for them. NOT your Mother's job, not your Father's job. MINE. I want more than that for them. They deserve better than that. And I refuse to sit back and let you blow off the fact that I am trying to make sure they don't have to deal with any of that shit, god damn it.” Luke gasped for air after his rant, and stared defiantly at Lorelai.
Lorelai only stared back at Luke, her hand over her mouth.
“What the hell is that look for?” Luke growled.
“Your slip is showing, Mister Freud,” Lorelai said softly, as she leaned on the counter in exhaustion.
“What the hell does that mean?” Luke seethed.
“Let's see, 'my' dad at the checkout counter, 'my' dad knows, 'my' back?” Lorelai whispered.
Luke broke eye contact with Lorelai and stared at the floor. “Whatever. I'm pissed off. Excuse me for offending you with poorly constructed sentences due to temper tantrum,” he muttered.
“Poorly disguised issues with your childhood, you mean,” Lorelai sighed. “You're right,” she admitted. “I don't know what it was like. It must have been awful to always have to scrimp and scrape like that.”
“We weren't destitute,” Luke said quietly, lowering himself slowly back into his chair. “I just...he should have sold the store before it bled him dry. Bled us dry. He was too damn stubborn to admit he was failing. He should have sucked it up and moved on. Life would have been a lot easier if he would have just closed up shop and gotten a normal 9 to 5 job.”
“He did the best he could,” Lorelai sighed, sitting back down next to Luke. “It's all any of us can do. He was trying to provide for his family. And it probably would have worked, if...well, if things hadn't happened the way they had. Your mom...the medical expenses, I mean, that's what bled him dry. It wasn't the hardware store, it was stupid, rotten luck. Who really thinks they're going to get that sick for so long? There's no preparing for that. It was probably nearly impossible to recover from, no matter what he did for a living.”
“Yeah,” Luke agreed, burying his face in his hands. “Maybe I should suck it up myself and admit that the whole diner business thing wasn't such a great idea. Maybe I should get a real job.”
“Excuse me?” Lorelai frowned. “Last time I checked Luke's was the most successful eating establishment around. Everybody comes to Luke's.”
Luke raised an eyebrow at Lorelai. “That was a veiled Casablanca reference, wasn't it?”
“You're getting good,” Lorelai said approvingly. “I'm going to make you a pop-culture guru yet.”
“Before or after you kick my ass for acting like a total dick?” Luke asked, looking at Lorelai sadly.
“After I kick your ass. And after you grovel for a few hours. No, wait. A few days. You were really mean,” Lorelai scowled.
Luke groaned and laid his head on the table. “My leg hurts,” he whimpered.
“That's your excuse?” Lorelai queried. “You're going to have to come up with something better than that. No pity parties from me at this moment, Bub.”
Luke turned his head, cheek still laying on the table. “I know. I think I need to not talk to people when my leg is throbbing, though. I'm definitely noticing a connection between that and turning into a raging asshole. I'm sorry. I really, really am...sorry, I mean.”
“Spoiled rich princess?” Lorelai pouted.
Luke shrugged, guilt clouding his eyes. “Want to call me a name?”
Lorelai narrowed her eyes at Luke. “Big, dumb, buttheaded dweeb,” she stated.
“Dweeb?” Luke grinned, raising his head from the table.
“Buttheaded dweeb,” Lorelai pouted.
“That's the best you can do? I really let you have it, and you come back with 'buttheaded dweeb'? I'm a little disappointed,” Luke said.
“I'm not very good at name-calling,” Lorelai admitted. “But I'll have my revenge.”
“How so?” Luke asked.
“I have my ways,” Lorelai assured Luke.
“Details,” Luke pressed.
“You're going to have to rework the budget a little, hon,” Lorelai smiled as she resumed the task of doing the dishes.
“Why?” Luke queried.
“You're going to have to turn the thermostat up really high tonight,” she explained.
“Why? It isn't cold yet,” Luke said, confused.
Lorelai turned to face Luke, grinning evilly. “Oh, it's not cold...you know...here,” she replied, circling her hands in the area around her. “But it's going to be very cold, and very lonely....at least on your side of the bed tonight,” she finished triumphantly.
Luke frowned. “That's just....that's just...not nice.”
“That, my friend, is what you call 'consequence'. You do the crime, you do the time,” she laughed.
“Cruel and unusual punishment,” Luke whined.
“Hey, maybe next time you'll think before you call me a spoiled rich princess,” Lorelai shrugged.
“I'll think, I promise. I'm sorry. I'm really, really, truly, completely sorry,” Luke pleaded, staring at Lorelai mournfully.
“Beg all you want, you're going to go to bed tonight and think about what you've done,” Lorelai chided.
“Fine,” Luke grumped. “I'll think about it.”
Lorelai did a double-take. “That's it? Twenty seconds of fighting for sex and you're done? Geez, don't I feel special.”
Luke laughed out loud. “Let's be honest, here, Lorelai. Between your belly and my leg, our sex life has been reduced to little more than a firm handshake before we go to bed at night.”
Lorelai walked over to Luke and hugged him from behind. “We're pathetic. We aren't getting our nookie, so we're biting each other's head off.”
Luke sighed. “We so need to get laid.”
Lorelai nodded in agreement. “And not in the gimpy slash knocked up way we've been trying to improvise around lately.”
Luke tilted his head back and kissed Lorelai's jaw. “You're a good improviser, though,” he murmured.
“So are you,” Lorelai smiled, softly kissing Luke's lips.
“Are we good?” Luke whispered, playing with a lock of Lorelai's hair.
“We're good,” Lorelai nodded.
“Good,” Luke sighed in relief. “I'm sorry.”
“I know,” Lorelai replied.
“I think I'm going to go to bed, I'm beat,” Luke yawned. “Being an ass takes a lot out of a man.”
“Then you should be in a coma,” Lorelai snarked.
“Thanks a lot,” Luke chuckled as he pulled himself upright onto his crutches. “So, I'm going to go...to bed...to think about...things,” he mumbled, giving Lorelai an exaggerated look of contrition.
“You do that,” Lorelai smiled as she put away the last of the dishes. “I'll be up in a few minutes.”
“Okay,” Luke muttered. “Should I still...ummm...turn up the thermostat?”
“Oh, definitely,” Lorelai said solemnly. “Unless you want to improvise by yourself. Otherwise, my dear, you are out of luck.”
“Damn,” Luke growled as he made his way out of the kitchen. “One fight in seven years, and suddenly it's like I'm Ike Turner or something.”
“Night, Ike,” Lorelai sang, giggling to herself as Luke grumbled his way to the stairs.
“Night, Tina,” Luke replied, glaring at the thermostat as he passed it.
Chapter 23: Bend It Like Beckham
“Hand me a couple of nails, will you, G?” Luke muttered, holding a open hand out toward Grace.
Grace reached into the toolbox and pulled something out. “Here, Poppy,” she said.
“That's a screw,” Luke pointed out.
“How come?” Grace asked, wrinkling her nose at the screw.
“Because it is,” Luke explained. “See those threads? It's a screw because it's...well, it's all screwy. Nails are smooth.”
“Oh,” Grace shrugged, and grabbed a few nails out of the toolbox. “Want this?”
“Yes,” Luke replied, taking the nails from Grace. “Thanks. Hammer?”
“This?” Grace asked, holding up a level.
“You are such your mother's daughter,” Luke sighed. “Go away. You're relieved of duty. Get out of my toolbox before it starts sprouting pink feathers or something girlie.”
“Yay!” Grace exclaimed and fled from the field of construction. She ran to the pile of leaves that Lorelai was raking up into a heap, and flung herself into the center.
“Graaaace!” Lorelai whined, flinging a rakeful of leaves at the girl.
“Xan!” Luke bellowed.
“What?” Xander hollered back from underneath the leaves.
“Need a hammer!” Luke yelled.
“Kay!” Xander replied and extricated himself from the leaf pile.
“Durn it,” Lorelai grouched. “You two are not helping the situation, here.” She watched forlornly as Xander drug a trail of red and orange leaves into his wake as he sped toward Luke to assist in the hammer search.
Xander ran to Luke's toolbox and studied its contents for a moment. “Hammer!” he yelped gleefully and handed the tool up to Luke.
“There's hope for you yet, squirt,” Luke said, grabbing the hammer and driving a nail into the wood he was fastening to the roof of Grace's playhouse.
Xander stood silently by the toolbox, watching Luke work and waiting for further orders. He passed the time by jamming a finger up his left nostril.
Luke paused in his work to regard the boy. “If you touch your brain, pull back a little,” Luke coached. “You may inadvertently trigger a seizure if you poke it too hard.”
Xander nodded thoughtfully as he continued probing, pulling his finger out a bit.
“Atta boy,” Luke said, shaking his head.
“Xander!” Lorelai screeched. “Stop picking already!”
Xander yanked his finger out of his nose and jammed his hands into his coat pockets.
Luke laughed. “Now that you've got the fine art of nose picking under control, we'll have to move on to inappropriate public scratching.”
Xander nodded in agreement. “Hammer?” he queried.
“Already got one,” Luke reminded the boy. “Hang in there though, I'm going to need more nails in a second, and I'm not interested in bending over right now.”
Luke's cast was finally gone, and he was alternating between crutches and a cane as he became more mobile. The leg was in better shape than anticipated, though Lorelai had to still drag him kicking and screaming, figuratively speaking in the kicking sense at least, to physical therapy twice a week He had the diner open full time again. He and Caesar split kitchen shifts, with Luke pulling up a stool and working the grill. Luke had hired a part-time waitress and was able to divide work between her and Lane, with Luke filling in the schedule gaps himself. He was able to skillfully whirl around the diner with a crutch under his one arm, and a plate of food in the other hand when his leg was throbbing too much to be able to withstand any pressure. Luke was currently trying to catch up home projects that got pushed to the back burner after the accident. He was now trying to repair the playhouse's leaky roof before winter hit.
“Hammer yet?” Xander asked, growing impatient.
“Still holding the hammer,” Luke sighed. “Give me a couple of nails, will you?”
Xander squatted on his haunches and rooted through the toolbox, sneezing violently on its contents. “Scyoo me,” he muttered distractedly as he picked out a few nails.
“You're scyooed,” Luke smiled, taking the nails from the boy. “Thanks, squirt.”
“Play now?” Xander asked, having satisfied the urge to assist Luke.
“Go play,” Luke agreed and watched Xander barrel toward the leaf pile again. Luke cringed as Grace stood up just in time for Xander to plow into her chest at top speed.
Luke snorted with laughter as he heard Grace's surprised “Oof!” at the moment of impact, and laughed harder as the force of the collision knocked them both onto their backs. Both children sank into the leaves and disappeared from view.
“Any bloodshed?” Luke hollered.
“I think they're stunned,” Lorelai giggled, peering into the leaves at the casualties.
“Ten seconds of peace and quiet,” Luke chuckled as he grabbed his cane and limped over to the scene. “Enjoy it while you can.” Luke came to halt at Lorelai's side, and laughed again as he surveyed the damage. Grace was lying on her back, holding her stomach, and Xander was struggling to sit upright while rubbing his forehead.
“Our gene pool,” Lorelai marveled.
“Darwin would be proud,” Luke nodded, as the stunned children recovered their senses.
“Kickball!” Grace cried, shaking leaves out of her hair and running for the ball sitting in the middle of the yard. Xander followed Grace, slowed only by the chore of trying to pull leaf particles off of his tongue.
Lorelai flung the rake down as gust of wind buffeted the pile she had accumulated. The leaves swirled around in the air before scattering across the yard again. “That's it. I quit,” she moaned.
“Break?” Luke asked. Lorelai nodded and slumped toward the porch steps in defeat.
Lorelai sat on the steps, exhausted. “Getting too old for this,” she scowled, pawing angrily at a leaf that blew past her face.
“There's still a few good years left in you,” Luke assured Lorelai, as he started to take a seat next to her. Unfortunately, at that moment, a wild kick by Grace sent the kickball flying right at her parents, and the ball caught Luke flush in his left thigh.
“Aw, crap!” Luke bellowed, as he flopped the rest of the way down onto the step. “Holy shit!” he growled as the slight drop jarred his assaulted leg even more.
Lorelai gasped in horror. “Gracie!” she scolded. “Oh, Babe, are you okay?” she asked as Luke doubled over in pain.
Grace and Xander stood frozen in place, staring wide-eyed at Luke as he writhed painfully on the steps.
“Crap, crap, crap, crap, CRAP!” Luke hissed through clenched teeth, tears escaping from his suddenly burning, watery eyes.
“Luke?” Lorelai said in a worried tone, as Luke folded his arms over his gut and bent over as far as he could.
“Fuck,” Luke whispered, blinking rapidly to clear the bursts of light dancing before his eyes. “God damned shittin' son of a mother...”
“Virgin ears,” Lorelai begged, rubbing Luke's back soothingly as she cut off his stream of obscenities. “Can you talk, Babe? In the non-obscene sense of the word?”
Luke looked up at Lorelai, sweat trickling down his ashen face. “Crap!” he offered, and lowered his head again, moaning loudly.
“I'm sorry, Poppy,” Grace cried, her voice quivering.
“Mmnnrrgg,” Luke replied, punching his fist down into the step he was sitting on.
“Daddy got whacked,” Xander informed Lorelai and Grace, his jaw hanging open at the sight. He tugged nervously on his ear as he waited for Luke to recover.
Grace looked at Lorelai, and looked at Luke. Luke was still doubled over in pain, muttering obscenities under his breath.
“Daddy cussed,” Xander pointed out to Grace, impressed.
Grace suddenly flopped onto her butt on the ground, buried her face in her hands and began to sob. “I'm sorry, Poppy,” she howled through her tears.
Xander looked at Grace quizzically, looked at Luke, and looked at Lorelai. He suddenly threw his head back and began to cry himself. “Daddy got whacked,” he sobbed, stumbling toward Lorelai for comfort.
Lorelai pulled Xander close as he cried, still rubbing Luke's back as his leg slowly began to recover from the kickball assault. Grace remained seated in the yard sobbing loudly. Lorelai felt a twitch at the corner of her mouth, and bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. None of the three traumatized Danes family members would probably welcome a sudden attack of the giggles from Lorelai, she was sure of it. Still, as Xander and Grace wailed, and Luke's softening moans continued, Lorelai had to fight with all the strength she could muster to not laugh out loud.
Xander's crying suddenly erupted into a severe case of hiccups. Lorelai couldn't take it anymore. Between the stream of curses on her left, the wailing in the middle of the yard, and the constant hiccuping on her right, she couldn't hold back any longer. With a loud snort, Lorelai finally gave in and screamed with laughter.
“Glad you're amused,” Luke groaned, trying to sit up a little straighter.
“Listen to this,” Lorelai gasped. “You guys sound like....like...the entire family just got massacred...”she choked out, laughing harder.
Luke looked at Xander, still alternating between crying and hiccuping, a smile twitching at the corners of his own mouth now. “Train wreck,” Luke wheezed, chuckling weakly. “This family is a total train wreck.” Luke groaned again and wiped the film of sweat from his face. “That really, really hurt,” he sighed, stretching his leg out tentatively.
Grace, still sobbing, got up slowly and walked to Luke, sitting down beside him, avoiding the leg she had just terrorized. Luke managed to compose himself and wrapped an arm around Grace.
“I'm sorry,” she wailed, burying her face in Luke's chest.
“Calm down,” Luke grimaced. “I'll survive. It's already getting better now. It's fine.”
“Didn't mean it,” Grace moaned.
“I know,” Luke chuckled. “Great kick, by the way. You know, great right up until the mind-numbing pain, at least.”
“Real good kick,” Grace agreed, smiling guiltily between sniffles.
Luke kissed Grace on the forehead. “Just don't do that again, I'm begging you.”
“No,” Grace promised, shaking her head violently.
“Daddy better?” Xander hiccuped, wiping his nose on his sleeve.
“Better,” Luke agreed, trying not to wince at the dull throb still present in his leg.
“Okay, so have we all come back to reality now?” Lorelai grinned.
“I think so,” Luke sighed, rubbing his leg delicately.
Grace nodded as Luke wiped away her tears.
“Uh huh,” Xander agreed, hiccuping loudly.
“Good. Well I think this is quickly becoming a pizza for dinner kind of night, so you guys go find the pizza coupons for me, huh?” Lorelai said, shooing Grace and Xander into the house.
“Oh man,” Luke sighed.
“Can you move?” Lorelai asked, frowning as Luke winced in pain.
Luke nodded. “I'm fine,” he shrugged.
“Liar,” Lorelai whispered. “But way to go Poppy, with calming down Meltdown Gracie.”
“Kid went bonkers,” Luke grinned.
“Nobody messes with her Poppy, not even her,” Lorelai nodded.
“Awesome kick though,” Luke said proudly. “That kick had some heat behind it.”
Lorelai laughed. “I've said it a million times, but you need to remind yourself of the official motto of this family.”
“Anything than can be done easily, WON'T be done easily,” Luke recited.
“And don't you forget it,” Lorelai smiled. “Just do me a favor?”
“What's that?” Luke asked.
“Duck next time, for Christ's sake,” Lorelai muttered.
“Roger that,” Luke replied, reaching for his cane.
Chapter 24: Et Cetera, Et Cetera, Et Cetera And So Forth
Lorelai pulled the comforter up over her rounded belly and settled back into her pillow. She drummed her fingers on her stomach for a moment, then reached for the remote, turning on the television set. She aimlessly flipped through the channels, not really paying attention to what she passed by. Lorelai sighed, and threw the remote on the bed. She looked around the room, and grabbed a magazine sitting on her nightstand. She idly turned the pages, not focusing on the words. Lorelai put the magazine back on the nightstand as Luke shuffled into the bedroom, reaching for corners of dressers, tables, and the bed post for support since he was devoid of any walking aids. He yawned deeply as he limped to his side of the bed and crawled under the covers.
“Kids go down okay?” Lorelai asked.
“Yeah,” Luke groaned as he tried to find a comfortable position that didn't make his leg ache. “I'm officially sick of 'Horton Hears A Who'.”
“Get used to it, Bucko, you're about to start all over with the Dr. Seuss Chronicles again. Two straight months of non-stop 'One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish' will have you begging for good old Horton again,” Lorelai pointed out.
Luke cleared his throat loudly and picked up the remote control. “Don't you usually watch Talk Soup?” he asked.
“You'd think once you cleared the five year mile-marker in a marriage by a couple of years, you'd be a little smoother with the topic changing,” Lorelai snarked.
“One would think,” Luke sighed, putting down the remote control.
“So how long do we skirt the issue?” Lorelai asked.
“I didn't know there was an issue to skirt,” Luke mumbled.
“Oh, there's an issue,” Lorelai retorted.
“Listen, why don't we sleep on this?” Luke begged. “We'll be thinking clearer in the morning. Let's not get into a fight over something that's not worth fighting over?”
“Not worth fighting over?” Lorelai gasped, struggling into an upright position. “How can you even say that?”
“I didn't mean...I meant it's not something TO fight over,” Luke corrected. “Geez, Lorelai, why would you think that I meant that...”
“Okay,” Lorelai sighed. “Okay, sorry. Chalk that one up to a hormonal surge. I'm with you now. I'm sorry.”
“Good,” Luke replied. “I don't even know what to say right now, that's all.”
“Are you upset?” Lorelai asked.
“Upset?” Luke mused. “How are you defining upset?”
“Are you angry?” Lorelai asked.
“No,” Luke replied. “I'm not angry. How could I be angry?”
“Are you upset in a dyspeptic stomach kind of way?” Lorelai asked.
Luke smirked. “Definitely. Feeling very dyspeptic right now.”
“Me too,” Lorelai sighed. “But it may be that chili dog I ate for lunch.”
“I just don't know what to think,” Luke said. “I'm kind of at a loss.”
“I feel kind of guilty,” Lorelai confessed.
“Why?” Luke asked.
“Because I feel like I should be overjoyed, or skipping through a field of daisies, spinning in the dazzling rays of the sun,” she explained.
“So you should be feeling like you're in a maxi pad commercial?” Luke snorted.
“Or rejoicing about my lack of not so fresh feelings,” Lorelai nodded. “We're really old.”
“How did you get there?” Luke chuckled. “From dyspepsia to dementia in six seconds.”
“Because we remember maxi pad commercials that showed girls running through a field of flowers,” Lorelai explained. “If we were young and hip, we'd know that women today only talk about their periods in eclectic cafes and swinging hot spots. And most of those women would say 'What's a maxi pad?' and they'd look at you like you're Captain Caveman as you explain the concept to them.”
Luke shook his head. “None of those chicks would know who Captain Caveman was.”
“True,” Lorelai agreed. “Can you imagine their faces if we started explaining Sid and Marty Krofft to them?”
Luke grinned. “H.R. Puffnstuff.”
“Land of the Lost,” Lorelai smiled.
“Lidsville,” Luke laughed.
“Sigmund and the Sea Monsters,” Lorelai giggled. “Or Electra Woman and Dyna-Girl.”
“Huh?” Luke frowned.
“Girl show,” Lorelai explained. “Marlena was a superhero before she was a soap diva.”
“Pops and buzzes,” Luke sighed. “You lose me the further away from 'Far Out Space Nuts' you get.”
“That one was the worst,” Lorelai gasped.
“Nah,” Luke argued. “The worst one was definitely 'Lidsville'. I mean, hats? Come on,” he groaned.
“Sleestaks really freaked me out when I was a kid,” Lorelai mused. “I used to have nightmares about them.”
“Know what really creeped me out?” Luke asked.
“Weekly doses of Phyllis Diller?” Lorelai guessed.
“That flute. That creepy little talking flute with the creepy voice,” Luke confessed. “Every time that flute got stolen, I really hoped Jimmy wouldn't get it back.”
“You had a really disappointing childhood, didn't you?'” Lorelai laughed.
“I eventually figured out the trend,” Luke said, rolling his eyes. “I moved on.”
“And we've somehow moved on from the real topic,” Lorelai replied.
“I could divert the topic back to something really distracting like the difference between how Sid and Marty Krofft shows looked to us poor kids with the rabbit ears versus how they looked to the princesses with their cable television,” Luke grinned wickedly.
“You actually have the balls to try and call me a princess to my face again?” Lorelai sniffed, feigning arrogance.
“I figure you can't catch me now, too much baggage,” Luke laughed, rubbing Lorelai's belly.
“Pegleg Pete is trying to mock the pregnant woman, that's hilarious,” Lorelai guffawed.
“Fine, so what are we supposed to be talking about again?” Luke asked.
“The 'This is another fine mess you've gotten me into' subject,” Lorelai scowled.
“Me?” Luke asked. “How is this MY fault? Equal responsibility here, remember? You were there too, as I recall,” he huffed.
“Luuuuuke,” Lorelai moaned.
“Looooorelai,” Luke mocked.
“Stop it. I'm completely freaking out here,” Lorelai muttered.
Luke sighed. “I am too,” he admitted.
“What in the hell are we going to do?” Lorelai asked, her voice rising.
“We don't really have much of a choice, do we?” Luke shrugged, running his fingers through his hair.
“So we just deal with it? Just sit back and let it happen?” Lorelai asked.
“It's not like there's a return policy we can fall back on,” Luke argued.
“We're really going to do this?” Lorelai asked uncertainly.
“Danes family rules, remember?” Luke chided.
“Arrrrgh,” Lorelai groaned. “I know, I know, if it can be done easily, it will not be done easily.”
“You made the rule,” Luke nodded.
“I didn't make it, I just pointed it out,” Lorelai hissed. “Isn't it your turn for that rule to bite YOU in the ass instead of me?”
“Sorry, got a ball in the thigh meat yesterday,” Luke said apologetically. “Your turn. Zip-zap, no tap backs.”
“Unfair,” Lorelai said, shaking her head.
“Them's the rules,” Luke sighed. “Don't hate the player. Hate the game.”
“Holla,” Lorelai muttered.
“Word,” Luke nodded.
Lorelai arched an eyebrow at Luke. “This is getting downright weird. We definitely need sleep.”
“Not looking forward to sleep,” Luke said.
“Why not?” Lorelai queried.
“I'm going to have nightmares about that creepy flute. I haven't thought about that thing in years,” Luke yawned.
“I'm going to have nightmares about Sleestaks. Multiple Sleestaks,” Lorelai sighed.
“Are you going to be okay with this?” Luke asked warily.
Lorelai shrugged. “Yeah. I think I will be. But I need a day or two to freak out. Can you understand that?”
“Understand?” Luke mused. “That depends. Can you give me a couple of days to fantasize about hopping the next freight train that runs past the town?”
“Only if you aren't really considering the option,” Lorelai agreed.
“I'm not,” Luke promised. “I think underneath the sheer panic I'm choking down right now, I'm actually kind of okay with it.”
“Me too,” Lorelai smiled. “I think, even though I'm completely scared right now, I think it's going to be really cool, you know?”
“We're pretty good at this stuff,” Luke nodded. “Ten years ago, I would have laughed in your face if you ever suggested we were going to be in this position today. But now that we're here, I think we may just be able to handle it.”
“You jump, I jump Jack,” Lorelai grinned.
“I've done a lot of jumping over these last few years,” Luke remarked.
“And I'm still keeping up, right?” Lorelai asked.
“You're keeping up just fine,” Luke said.
“Good,” Lorelai smiled, leaning over to give Luke a gentle kiss. “I love you, you big lug.”
“Love you too, Crazy Lady,” Luke grinned, turning off the light on his night stand.
Lorelai rolled over and turned off her own light. She laid back down and snuggled back into Luke as he fidgeted until he found a comfortable angle for his leg. Luke kissed Lorelai's neck and laid his cheek on top of hers.
Lorelai smiled, feeling Luke start his familiar nightly ritual of stroking her belly as he drifted off to sleep. She rubbed her hand across the top of his, sighing as he laced his fingers with hers.
“Twins,” Luke murmured.
“Twins,” Lorelai whispered back. “Crap, huh?”
“Crap, indeed,” Luke chuckled.
Chapter 25: It Takes A Village
Lorelai peered into the pan she was laboring over. “I think I messed it up,” she muttered, wrinkling up her nose.
Luke craned his neck to look into the pan. “How do you mess up stuffing from a box?” he queried. “You just dump the stuffing mix into boiling water.”
“It's very wet,” Lorelai groaned.
“Dirty!” Luke grinned.
“Leave my shtick alone,” Lorelai pouted, looking at the empty stuffing box quizzically.
“Again, I say 'Dirty!',” Luke laughed.
“Why is it so wet?” Lorelai sighed.
“Um, dirt...” Luke began to say. Lorelai cut him off by throwing the turkey baster at him.
“Hey,” Luke frowned. “I needed that.”
“So pick it up,” Lorelai retorted, sticking her tongue out at Luke.
Luke looked at the turkey baster laying on the floor. “How do I do that?”
Lorelai looked at Luke. “You're pathetic.”
“I'm crippled,” Luke shrugged. “Going down is not an option yet.”
“Dirty!” Lorelai crowed happily.
“Walked right into that one,” Luke muttered as he contemplated the out of reach baster. “Can you reach it?”
Lorelai walked to where the baster had landed and bent over with effort, reaching for it. “Can't bend anymore,” she grunted. Lorelai grabbed the counter and tried to squat, but was still unable to reach the baster.
“Damn,” Luke sighed. “We're such gimps.” Luke grabbed his cane and limped over next to Lorelai, attempting the same squatting technique she had just used. “Ow,” Luke groaned as he tried to bend down. “Shit, ow,” he mumbled, as he failed to grasp the baster before his left leg began to throb in protest.
“Forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown,” Lorelai sighed. “Graaaaace!” she yelled. “Come help your gimpy Poppy and Mommy, please!” she begged loudly.
Grace strolled into the kitchen, chewing thoughtfully on a lock of her hair. “ Didja drop something again?” she asked knowingly.
Luke smacked Grace's hand away from her mouth. “Stop that. Didn't I tell you about that girl with the thirty pound hairball in her stomach?”
“Uh huh,” Grace nodded. “Neat.”
“Geez,” Luke muttered. “Hand me the baster, will you?”
Grace bent over and picked up the cooking implement, handing it to Luke. “I'm hungry,” she whined.
“Tell your mother to stop throwing things on the floor, then,” Luke replied. “She's slowing down the process.”
“Time for potatoes?” Grace asked hopefully.
“Come on,” Luke nodded. “I was saving them for you.”
Grace ran and grabbed a chair, pulling it back to the counter as Luke prepared the boiled potatoes to be mashed. Grace climbed up and stood in the chair, waiting for her cue.
Luke handed Grace the masher. “Be careful,” he warned. “These are really hot.”
“Uh huh,” Grace nodded and began to attack the potatoes with the masher.
Lorelai scooped the soggy stuffing into a foil pan. “Think I can repair this in the oven?” she asked Luke.
Luke looked over his shoulder and nodded. “Stick it in for a few minutes. It'll dry up a bit.”
Lorelai put the stuffing in the oven and moved to the kitchen table, sinking down into a chair. “I sure miss the days when you just served Thanksgiving at the diner. I liked showing up and eating so much better.”
“Sorry,” Luke shrugged. “Can't feed the family and the entire town at the same time.”
“This good Poppy?” Grace grunted, mashing with less gusto and more effort now.
“Good?” Luke scowled. “We want mashed potatoes, not chunky potato goo. You're a lousy cook.”
“Not cooking,” Grace retorted. “I'm mushing.”
“Semantics,” Luke growled.
“Huh?” Grace asked.
“Po-tay-to, po-tah-to, to-may-to, to-mah-to,” Luke explained.
“Tomatoes?” Grace asked. “In the potatoes?”
“No,” Luke laughed. “Never mind, let's get the blender cranking and whip these bad boys up.”
“I'm going to go out and make sure the troops are entertained,” Lorelai smiled. “You two have everything under control out here?”
“Under control,” Luke nodded, plugging in the blender.
Lorelai wandered into the living room to join their guests as Luke and Grace finished up the mashed potatoes.
“Let's get this stuff to the table,” Luke instructed as Grace returned the chair to its former resting place.
“I'll help,” Grace said, hopping back to Luke's side as he pulled a dish of already carved turkey from the still warm oven. He sat the plate on the stove top and grabbed a pile of pot holders from the counter.
“Okay, take this over,” Luke murmured, handing Grace a bowl of cranberry sauce. They set all the food out on the table, Luke hovering watchfully as Grace handled the smaller bowls of hot food.
“Order up!” Luke yelled as Grace plopped the final bit of food, a basket of rolls, on the table.
“Turkey up!” Grace emphasized loudly.
The gathered family entered the kitchen, marveling at the spread of food Luke, Lorelai and Grace had prepared. April and Rory had both made it home for the holiday, and Emily and Richard had joined the family in Stars Hollow for the meal.
“The food looks delicious,” Emily noted politely as she filled her plate.
“Yes,” Richard nodded. “You've outdone yourselves.”
“Rumor has it Mom made the stuffing,” Rory warned.
“Oh dear,” Emily replied, poking warily at the stuffing on her plate.
“Watch it,” Lorelai grumped. “It was just a little clumpy, that's all.”
“I like clumpy stuffing,” April said, trying to help.
“You're sweet,” Lorelai smiled. “A dirty liar, but still sweet.”
The family ate their meal, chattering happily throughout. Grace and Xander sat at Grace's play table that Lorelai had pulled into the kitchen, fighting only in brief spurts over who had the bigger roll, or who was going to get the first piece of pie.
“Keep it up you two, and you're both going to get a big plate of nothing for dessert,” Luke grunted, pushing away his empty plate.
“Yeah,” Lorelai nodded. “Don't make your father turn this car around.”
“That was awesome, Dad,” April grinned, slumping contentedly back into her chair.
“The stuffing was actually pretty decent, too,” Rory giggled.
“Told you it was fine,” Lorelai pouted.
“It was all excellent,” Richard agreed. “The turkey was absolute perfection.”
“Very moist,” Emily agreed.
“I'm glad everyone is here,” Lorelai smiled, looking at Luke knowingly.
“Hard to get us all in one room anymore,” Rory sighed.
“Or even on the same coast at the same time,” April pointed out.
“Well, since you're all here,” Luke said, clearing his throat. “We kind of have something we wanted to tell you.”
“Oh, my god, you're pregnant!” April gasped dramatically.
“We already knew that,” Rory explained.
“Oh, right,” April laughed. “So, what then?”
“Closing the inn and the diner and joining the Ice Capades?” Rory queried.
“You're being ridiculous,” Emily sighed. “What did you want to tell us, Luke?”
“Well, April was a lot more on topic than she thought,” Luke smiled.
“It's about the whole baby thing,” Lorelai continued. “Turns out, um, well...we're having twins,” she said with a wide grin.
“Twins?” Rory repeated, mouth agape.
“Twins?” April gasped.
“Twins,” Luke nodded.
“Twins,” Emily muttered in shock.
“Two babies?” Richard asked.
“Yep, two of them,” Lorelai smiled.
“One, two, ah ah ah,” Xander chimed in, doing his best impression of the Count from Sesame Street.
“Two stinky babies,” Grace huffed, still not pleased with concept of more competition.
“Buffy and Willow!” Rory squealed, leaping up to hug Lorelai.
“No!” Luke growled. “No more Buffy!”
“Wow,” April said, stunned. “The Zero Population Growth people are going to come after you two with pitchforks and torches.”
“Are you two prepared for this?” Richard asked, concerned.
“Two babies,” Emily whispered, still shocked.
“Absolutely not prepared,” Lorelai admitted.
“She freaked out,” Luke tattled.
“He tried to jump a freight train,” Lorelai shot back.
“I know Hillary said it takes a village, but I think you guys got the meaning all wrong,” April said gleefully. “You're not supposed to make your own village.”
“Where are you going to put them?” Emily asked.
Lorelai sighed. “Well, we are going to have to combine Rory and April into one room, if you two don't mind,” she said apologetically.
“No problem,” Rory smiled.
“Yeah, that's fine,” April agreed. “We're not here that often together, and besides, Rory's more tolerable since she started using soap.”
“You suck,” Rory sulked.
“The grown up kiddies fight worse than the short kiddies,” Luke sighed.
“Nuh uh,” Rory replied, sticking her tongue out at Luke.
“At any rate,” Lorelai said, “We've got it worked out for now. Besides the babies will probably share a bedroom for a while.”
“We're still gonna need a bigger boat,” Luke admitted.
“Well, the offer of a new house still stands,” Richard remarked.
Luke shook his head forcefully. “I appreciate it, Richard, but you know I can't do that.”
“Stubborn,” Emily sighed.
“Don't I know it,” Lorelai smiled. “Luke just wants to take care of his 'princess' all on his own. Don't you honey?” Lorelai asked innocently.
“Never gonna let me live that one down, are you?” Luke mumbled under his breath.
“Live what down?” Rory asked.
“Nothing, Sweets,” Lorelai laughed. “Inside joke.”
“Knock knock,” Xander muttered, poking at the leftover food on his plate..
“Who's there?” Grace asked, perking up at any topic that didn't include babies.
“Knock knock,” Xander sighed.
“Who's there?” Grace asked, rolling her eyes. She already knew this one.
“Dunno,” Xander shrugged. “Knock knock.”
“You're dumb,” Grace moaned.
“Watch it,” Luke warned.
“He doesn't know how to tell jokes,” Grace explained impatiently.
“Then why did you even bite?” Luke retorted.
“Can I bite him?” Grace asked hopefully.
“Go away,” Luke moaned. “Leave my sight. I'm disowning you.”
“Kay,” Grace giggled, getting up and running into the living room.
“Me go too?” Xander asked.
“Great grammar, kid,” Luke sighed. “May I go, too?” he corrected.
“Uh huh,” Xander replied, jumping up and grabbing Luke's hand.
“Rocket scientists, the both of them,” Lorelai laughed as Luke stood up, Xander tugging at his arm.
“You're really going to have two of these nutcases at the same time?” Rory marveled.
“Apparently,” Luke grinned, following Xander out into the living room.
“Twins,” Emily said again, shaking her head.
“And you're both all right with this?” Richard asked.
Lorelai nodded. “We're okay, at least now we are. It was a bit scary at first.”
“Why did it take them so long to realize this?” Emily wondered. “With all the technology...”
“Well, we've known for a few weeks now,” Lorelai admitted. “But one of the babies is apparently really good at playing hide and seek already.”
“Weeks?” Emily replied. “Why didn't you tell us before?”
“Just making sure everything was okay first,” Lorelai explained. “I'm not exactly a spring chicken here.”
“Understandable,” Emily agreed.
“Two babies,” Richard chuckled. “My lord, what if you have another one after this?”
Lorelai laughed out loud. “Oh no, Dad. This is the end of the road for my uterus. It's hanging up an 'Out Of Order' sign once these two vacate the womb. Luke is going to make a very special doctor appointment very soon.”
“I heard that!” Luke yelled from the living room. “You're not pulling a Jackson on me!”
“You make them, I bake them!” Lorelai yelled back, laughing. “It's only fair!”
“The discussion isn't over yet on that topic!” Luke bellowed.
“All right, Sweetie, calm down!” Lorelai hollered.
“Well, that was interesting,” Richard smiled.
“Wonderful dinner time conversation,” Emily said sarcastically.
“So, Luke is keeping the option for one more open?” Rory teased.
“Oh no,” Lorelai whispered. “He is definitely getting a vasectomy.”
“Maybe if you throw in a new power drill he'll cave,” April pointed out.
“Good idea,” Lorelai mused. “Bert IS getting a little lonely.”
“Two babies,” Rory smiled.
“Two babies,” Lorelai grinned back.
“You two just can't do anything the easy way can you?” Rory said, shaking her head.
“Nope,” Lorelai shrugged with a giggle. “Them's the rules.”
Chapter 26: Needle In A Haystack
“Oh, what is this place?” Grace asked, bouncing in her seat. “Are there toys in there?”
“It's the aquarium,” Luke explained. “Lots of fish, sea lions, penguins, and I even think they have a whale of some kind in there. And they have a Christmas tree display inside, should look pretty neat, don't you think?”
“Penguins?” Grace asked excitedly. “I loove penguins!”
“I know,” Luke laughed. “I figured you would approve,” he replied as they climbed out of the car.
“And a whole whale?” Grace asked, her mind boggling. “A whole big whale?”
“I don't know how big it is,” Luke admitted. “I'm sure it's not the biggest whale in the world, but it's still a whale. I'm pretty sure it's a whole one, whatever it is. Half a whale would be pretty gross.”
“Yeah,” Grace agreed, wrinkling her nose. “Whale guts.”
“So did I do good?” Luke asked, taking Grace's hand as they crossed the parking lot toward the aquarium.
“Yup!” Grace exclaimed. “Penguins!”
“Good,” Luke smiled, pleased with Grace's excitement.
“Why didn't Mommy come?” Grace asked as they walked.
“Mommy thought you and I could use a day out together, exercise the old leg,” Luke said. “She's got a surprise for Xander, and next weekend, Mommy's going to spend a special day with you, and I'll do something with Xan. We figured we'd get a couple weekends of quality time in before the babies come.”
“Neat!” Grace said happily. “Bet Mommy will take me shopping.”
“I don't know,” Luke shrugged. “I'm not in the loop, but just remember, don't come home with any new pets.”
Grace giggled at the notion as Luke paid the aquarium admission for the pair.
“All set?” Luke grinned.
“Penguins!” Grace squealed, and skipped ahead of Luke happily.
“Slow down there, monkey,” Luke muttered. “Old Pegleg here has to keep up with you,” he explained, leaning heavily on his cane as he tried to catch up to Grace.
“Sorry,” Grace said, stopping until Luke closed the distance between them. They made their way through the aquarium, marveling at the exotic fish on display. Luke needed to rest, so he took Grace to the amphitheater show. Grace squealed as the jumping dolphins began the exhibition, and was completely suckered in by the subliminally educational facts the cheerful woman in a wet suit fed the crowd as she walked along the edge of the pool. Luke laughed at the wide-eyed expression on Grace's face as she hung on to every word the woman said, and wickedly planned to rub it in Lorelai's face that he had entertained Grace for a full day AND she had learned something as a result.
The show ended, much to Grace's chagrin, and the pair exited the amphitheater, resuming their tour of the aquarium. They walked into a darkened section of the floor they were on. “I want to be a marine bollygist when I grow up,” Grace announced to Luke.
“Really?” Luke smiled. “That sounds like fun. Get to play with the dolphins and penguins all the time, I'll bet.”
“Yeah,” Grace nodded enthusiastically. “And fish are neat, too. 'Specially the glowy ones.”
“Just like your mother,” Luke laughed. “Fascinated by bright, shiny objects.”
“I liked those big ones with the happy faces,” Grace murmured, stopping in front of a large tank.
“Manta Rays,” Luke nodded.
“What are these?” Grace asked, fascinated.
“Jellyfish,” Luke replied.
“Wow,” Grace breathed. “They glow too.”
“That's why it's so dark in here,” Luke explained. “They live really deep in the ocean, and a lot of the fish and other life that live so deep glow like that. They can't tolerate the light.”
“Why?” Grace asked, enraptured by the jellyfish.
“Um, I forget,” Luke chuckled. “I knew it at one point, but I can't remember now. We'll check for one of those signs that answer all your questions for you. I'm sure there's one by the entrance.”
“Maybe Mommy will take me here next week,” Grace said hopefully as they exited the jellyfish exhibit.
“You really like it here that much?” Luke asked.
“Yeah,” Grace nodded. “Can we find the penguins now?”
“Yeah,” Luke agreed. “Glad you're having fun,” he grinned down at Grace. Luke accidentally bumped into a woman as he and Grace joined the crowd of visitors swarming through the main hallway. “Sorry,” he apologized, cringing as the woman glared at him. Luke held up his cane and shrugged, playing the disability card to downplay his carelessness.
“Watch it, buddy,” she hissed and stomped away.
“Sheesh,” Luke muttered. “You'd think I just tried to steal her purse or something. I barely touched her. Grab my hand, monkey, it's getting crowded in here.”
Luke held out his hand for Grace to hold, but she didn't take it.
“C'mon, G,” Luke sighed. “Grab my hand,” he said more sternly as he looked down at her. Except Grace wasn't there.
“Grace?” Luke said, turning around in the crowd. There was no sign of the little girl.
“Grace!” Luke said, louder this time, as he took a few steps forward, figuring she had gotten ahead of him. The crowd was thinning now, and still no sign of Grace.
“Shit,” Luke muttered nervously as he turned around in a circle, scanning the hallway. “Gracie!” Luke shouted.
Luke quickly limped back into the jellyfish display he and Grace had just exited. “Gracie?” he called. There was nobody currently in the room. “Crap,” Luke growled, shaking off the growing panic and stumbling back out into the main hall.
“Crap, crap, CRAP!” Luke muttered, hurrying up the hallway to a sharp corner. Luke stared down the corridor. Only a few people were littering the hall, stopped at various small fish tanks on display. No little girl amongst them.
“Grace?” Luke hollered, cringing at the echo of his own voice. Luke spun around and limped back to the place he had last seen her. “Fuck,” Luke said loudly. “Fuck, fuck fuck!”
An employee walked up to Luke as he bellowed Grace's name again. “Sir, is there something wrong?” she asked.
“I can't find my kid,” Luke gasped. “Where the hell is my kid?”
“Calm down, Sir,” the employee said soothingly. “Come with me,” she directed, walking back to the small desk she was stationed at.
“I gotta find my kid,” Luke said angrily. “I don't have time for this, I have to find her.”
“We have procedures,” the girl explained patiently. “This happens all the time, when did you last see her?”
“Just a second ago,” Luke said shakily. “I bumped into some woman, and she was gone. She just vanished,” he said, his voice rising in pace with his fear. Luke scanned the hallway, but still could not locate any sign of Grace. “Shit!” he moaned.
The girl picked up a walkie talkie and spoke into it. “All employees, Code Yellow in effect immediately. Please enact Amber Alert priority procedure at once.”
“Amber Alert?” Luke asked, confused. “Her name is Grace.”
“Come with me, Sir,” the girl said. “We'll start looking for her. We have a lost child plan we put into effect after the Amber Alert legislation was passed. We go into a lockdown mode the minute a child is reported lost. All exits are immediately guarded by employees, and nobody leave or enters until the child is found. It happens a lot, I promise you. Most of the time, we find the children tapping the glass at the electric eel display, because they like to get the electricity gauge up high. We just do this to prevent any child being taken from the facility.”
“Taken?” Luke cried. “Taken? Like somebody took her?” Luke felt an icy surge of panic course through him. “Shit!” he said, his voice cracking. “Holy crap!”
Luke and the employee started searching for Grace. She asked Luke for a description of the girl and transmitted the information through the walkie talkie. As Luke and the employee scoured the entire floor with no sign of Grace, Luke's panic dissolved into complete terror.
“She's not here,” Luke gasped. “She just isn't here. Where the hell is my kid?”
“What's her favorite exhibit?” The girl asked.
“She liked the dolphins,” Luke muttered. “I checked the jellyfish, and she wasn't there. Jesus. This is not happening. Penguins! She wanted to see the penguins.”
The employee radioed he co-workers, instructing them to check the amphitheater and the penguin exhibit. “She's probably looking at the penguins right now,” the girl said soothingly as they passed an on-guard employee at the escalator. They rode the escalator to the next floor. “For some reason, the kids tend to go up,” she shrugged in explanation.
“Christ, I can't tell my wife I lost our kid,” Luke moaned as they headed for the information desk on the third floor.
“Why don't you take a seat?” the employee helping Luke suggested.
“Gotta find Gracie,” Luke muttered, shaking his head.
“Take a break, Sir, you're having trouble walking,” she insisted. “We'll find her, you just need to take a rest and calm down, okay? She'll be fine.”
Luke sat down on a bench angrily and put his head into his hands. He was sweating profusely now, and Luke wiped the beads of perspiration from his forehead. “Oh my god,” Luke whispered. “How did I lose my kid? Lorelai's going to kill me.”
Luke stared at his trembling hands. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Gracie.”
The employee ran back to Luke. “Got her!” she grinned. “They're bringing her back down. She made it all the way to the fourth floor.”
“They found her?” Luke exclaimed. “Is she okay?”
“She's okay,” the girl nodded. “Crying, but okay.”
“Oh, man,” Luke moaned as he got to his feet. Luke heard a crying child approaching from behind him, and he spun around, instantly recognizing Grace's cries. A male employee was carrying the wretched child. He set Grace on the ground and pointed Luke out to her. Grace let out a sob and ran to Luke. Luke sat back down on the bench and held his arms wide open for the girl.
“Where did you go?” Luke and Grace both cried at the same time, as Grace sank into Luke's arms. She flung her arms around Luke's neck, squeezing tightly. Luke wrapped his arms around Grace just as tightly.
“Where did I go?” Luke asked, burying his face in Grace's curls. “I tried to take your hand and you were gone. I told you to hold my hand, Gracie,” he moaned, choking back tears of relief that threatened to spring up in his eyes.
“I did, Poppy!” Grace's muffled voice cried out. “But it was a lady!” Grace dissolved into an even louder fit of sobbing as she pulled Luke closer.
“Apparently, your daughter thought she had your hand, but it turned out to be another visitor,” the male employee explained. “And the woman was so pre-occupied with the exhibits that she didn't notice she had someone else's child's hand. She thought it was her own daughter, but the daughter was walking behind them the whole time. She panicked and finally found an employee to turn Grace over to.”
“So you didn't notice it wasn't me?” Luke asked a still weeping Grace.
“I was watching fishes,” Grace whimpered.
“Geez,” Luke chuckled, finally feeling himself unclenching a little from the panicked search for the girl. “Don't I feel special?”
“Poppy, don't get lost again,” she wailed as Luke pulled the poor girl up onto his right knee.
“It's okay,” Luke soothed, feeling Grace still trembling in fear. “It's okay, baby girl, Poppy has you now.”
“You got lost,” Grace repeated. “I couldn't find you, Poppy.”
“I couldn't find you either,” Luke sighed. “You scared me. You really scared me, baby girl.”
“Didn't mean it,” Grace snuffled, her chest hitching with the force of her tears.
“I know,” Luke whispered, rubbing Grace's back. “It was an accident. We both got confused, I guess.”
Luke let Grace cry out her fear, lavishing her with hugs and kisses until she settled down. When she finally exhausted herself of tears, she slumped against Luke, quietly clutching and unclutching the lapel on his coat. Luke set Grace on her feet, held her hand tightly, and walked to the desk to thank the employees for their help. Luke led Grace out of the aquarium, smiling down at the desperate two handed grip she was inflicting on Luke's own hand. Luke opened the back door of the car, and Grace quietly climbed into her seat. Luke buckled Grace in, and slid in the seat next to her for a moment.
“Are you okay, baby?” Luke murmured, stroking Grace's tear stained cheek.
Grace nodded “I thought you forgot me,” she said, her voice trembling.
“Forgot you?” Luke exclaimed. “How could I ever forget you, sweetie?”
“Too many babies,” Grace grumbled, swiping at her still damp eyes.
“That again,” Luke smiled. “Kid, did I forget about you when Xander came along?”
“No,” Grace whispered.
“Then why would I forget about you now? Do you have any idea how crazy I was when you were missing? I thought I was going to go insane. Not knowing where you were was the worst feeling I've ever felt in my entire life, and I've had some pretty bad feelings in my time. Don't you ever do that to me again, do you hear me? I couldn't stand it if something happened to you, okay?” Luke ranted. “When you were gone, I just wanted to scream, I was that scared. All I cared about was getting you back.”
“Will you still be my bestest buddy?” Grace asked.
“When the babies come?” Luke asked.
Grace nodded.
“You're always going to be my best friend,” Luke responded. “I love you Gracie, you're my monkey. You're always going to be my monkey, and nothing's ever going to change that. We're bestest buddies for the rest of our lives. We pinky-swore on that, remember?”
Grace smiled and stuck out her pinky. “Still pinky-swear?” she asked.
Luke linked his little finger with Grace's. “Still pinky-swear,” Luke grinned.
“Okay,” Grace sighed.
“We're good?” Luke asked. “You're feeling better now?”
“Uh huh,” Grace nodded. “Wanna go home.”
“Me too,” Luke breathed. “Long day. Just do me a favor, will you?”
“What?” Grace asked.
“Let ME tell your Mommy about this little hiccup in our plans. It'll go a lot smoother if she hears it from ME.”
“Okay,” Grace nodded, as Luke pulled himself out of the backseat and got into the driver's side door.
Luke started the engine and backed out of the parking space, aiming the car for home.
“Hey, Poppy?” Grace called from the backseat.
“Yeah, baby girl?” Luke asked, glancing in the rear view mirror.
“So, can I get a penguin?” Grace asked innocently.
Luke laughed and shook his head. “Always an angle with you, isn't there kid?”
Chapter 27: How Not To Conserve Water
“Okay, spill,” Lorelai mumbled as she applied her night cream to her face.
Luke poked his head out of the shower. “Spill what?” he asked, one eye squinted shut to fend off a rogue stream of soapy water.
“What happened today?” Lorelai sighed, wiping the mirror with a towel as the steam from Luke's shower fogged it up.
“What about today?” Luke hollered over the sound of the shower.
Lorelai walked over to the shower and yanked the curtain open. “Stop playing dumb, Burger Boy, Grace was doing her impression of a block of wood all evening, and I want to know why.”
Luke covered himself with his hands. “Sheesh, privacy please?” he mumbled.
Lorelai looked down at Luke's hands. “Seriously, you're covering that up? I've seen it about 5 million times now.”
“Well,” Luke retorted. “I'm in the shower.”
“Excellent logic,” Lorelai sighed, closing the shower curtain again.
“We just hit a little snag in the plan today, that's all,” Luke finally admitted.
“What kind of snag? Why was she crying?” Lorelai frowned, wiping away the fresh layer of steam on the mirror and picking up her jar of night cream again.
“How did you know she was crying?” Luke asked.
“I'm her mother. I know these things.” Lorelai responded. “Besides, Grace is a messy crier. She's puffy and snotty for hours afterwards.”
“Like mother, like daughter,” Luke crowed.
“I am NOT snotty,” Lorelai gasped. “What happened?”
“What did you and Xan do today?” Luke asked, delaying the inevitable.
“We went on a scavenger hunt through town,” Lorelai replied. “Like I already told you we did. What happened?”
“Damn it,” Luke muttered, stalling by rinsing his hair thoroughly under the shower spray. “We kind of got...um...separated at the aquarium.”
“Separated?” Lorelai asked, walking back to the shower. She yanked the curtain open yet again. “You lost Grace?”
“Aw, come on,” Luke whined, covering himself again.
“You come on,” Lorelai said impatiently. “Congratulations, it's a penis. Get over it. How did you lose my kid?”
“I didn't lose her, we got separated,” Luke muttered. “She was there, I told her to hold my hand, and in that split second she was gone.”
“Oh my god,” Lorelai said, her voice rising. “How long until you found her?”
“I don't know,” Luke shrugged. “It felt like hours, it was probably just a few minutes.”
“Minutes? How many minutes? Two? Ten? Twenty?” Lorelai asked.
“Ten?” Luke replied uncertainly.
“Ten minutes? Grace was lost for ten minutes?” Lorelai gasped.
“Maybe,” Luke sighed. “I was kind of concentrating on the finding her part.”
“Ten minutes is a long time for a lost kid,” Lorelai said, her brow furrowed.
“Ten minutes is a long time for a mental Poppy,” Luke retorted.
“She just wandered away?” Lorelai prodded.
“She heard me tell her to take my hand. She apparently took some other mother's hand and went with her. Neither one of them noticed they were with the wrong person,” Luke said.
“And how long until...” Lorelai queried.
“Don't,” Luke warned. “Don't act like I was walking around, forgetting I had my daughter with me. It was a split second, and she was gone. I freaked out. I completely freaked out. There was a crowd, and half the state of Connecticut was in that hallway for a few minutes. I blinked and she was gone.”
“I'm sorry,” Lorelai sighed. “I didn't mean that. Was she really upset when you found her?”
“Meltdown Gracie times infinity,” Luke sighed, leaning back into the shower spray.
“And Meltdown Poppy?” Lorelai smiled.
“Internal meltdown, but kept it mostly cool on the outside,” Luke replied.
“Poor kid,” Lorelai sighed. “Poor Luke. Boy, I'm glad you didn't have to call me. I would have gone into labor right then and there at the thought.”
“They lock down the place when a kid is lost,” Luke told Lorelai, reaching for a bar of soap. “The girl helping me said it was to prevent kids from being taken out of the building. I nearly had a heart attack. It hadn't even occurred to me that anything could have happened besides Grace wandering off. I just started picturing all these milk cartons, and America's Most Wanted episodes, and I...I...I've never been more scared in all my life,” Luke admitted, looking at Lorelai with wide eyes.
“Aw, Babe,” Lorelai murmured, reaching into the shower stall to touch Luke's face. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry you guys got so scared. Guess she won't argue about holding our hands anymore, huh?”
“I think she's going to voluntarily request a leash from now on,” Luke smiled.
“Anything I can do?” Lorelai asked.
“Well..” Luke grinned.
“Are you having dirty thoughts about improvising again?” Lorelai giggled.
“We haven't improvised in a week,” Luke pouted. “And I'm very traumatized tonight.”
“Poor, poor baby,” Lorelai whispered. She looked down. “Somebody's not so shy anymore,” she giggled.
Luke shrugged. “I got over it. Now you get over here.”
“I just took a shower,” Lorelai said primly.
“You're going to need another one once I finish improvising,” Luke said as he reached for Lorelai's hand. “Might as well kill two birds with one stone.” Luke grasped Lorelai by the waist and pulled her into the shower stall.
“Luke!” Lorelai shrieked. “My bathrobe!”
“It'll dry,” Luke growled, pulling Lorelai into a crushing kiss.
“Mmm,” she moaned, parting her lips to grant access to Luke's tongue. Luke turned Lorelai in the shower stall and planted his arm on the back wall for support as he deepened his kiss. His free hand grasped Lorelai's ass, working it's way underneath the wet bathrobe.
“I'm all wet,” Lorelai murmured, tugging at Luke's bottom lip with her teeth.
“Like you wet,” Luke grinned, sliding his hand under the clinging material to caress Lorelai's breast.
“Oh boy,” Lorelai sighed as Luke gently massaged her pregnancy swollen breasts. “Wow, you're still good at that.”
“I'm a very handy man,” Luke whispered as he untied the belt to Lorelai's robe and let it fall sloppily to the shower floor. “Let me show you all the things I can do with my hands.”
“Show me,” Lorelai panted as Luke lowered his head and began to press a trail of kisses up and down her neck. Luke moved Lorelai slightly, allowing a steady stream of water to fall over her breast as he delicately rolled her nipple into erectness.
Luke bent down to take her into his mouth. He teased her aroused nipple with the tip of his tongue as he took the other into his free hand, repeating the same technique. Lorelai moaned appreciatively.
“Turn around,” Luke whispered huskily.
“Getting right to the point, huh?” Lorelai smiled.
“Sorry,” Luke chuckled. “My leg can only handle short bursts of upright improvisation.”
“That's okay,” Lorelai giggled as she complied with Luke's wishes. “My ankles can't take much upright improv themselves.”
“As long as we're on the same page,” Luke smiled, rubbing Lorelai's belly. “Hi guys, pardon me while I molest your Mommy.”
“Ew,” Lorelai laughed. “We'll have to start finding therapists for them while they're still in utero.”
“Shut up,” Luke chuckled as he moved his hand lower. “I'm trying to concentrate here.”
“Shutting up,” Lorelai gasped as Luke found his intended target. He slid his fingers between Lorelai's slickened lips.
“Mmm,” Luke groaned, finding Lorelai already aroused and ready for him. “I like it when you cooperate with me.” Luke slid his hardness against Lorelai's ass, pressing into her flesh as he teased her clit with his fingers.
“Oh,” Lorelai sighed, pressing back against Luke's hardness. “God, I miss you. Can't wait until we can see each other face to face again.”
Luke slid his cock between Lorelai's legs, rubbing himself against her. He groaned as Lorelai reached down and pressed him against her as she slid herself along his shaft. “This is still an acceptable alternative,” he gasped as she grasped his balls and began to massage them gently.
“Very acceptable,” Lorelai breathed, feeling her arousal rise as his shaft rubbed against her clit.
Luke nibbled Lorelai's shoulder, and reached for her breasts again. “Love shower improvising,” he growled, as Lorelai threw her head back against his shoulder in appreciation of his attentions.
“Oh Luke,” Lorelai sighed. “You need to be inside me now.”
“Roger that,” Luke rasped as he slid into Lorelai. “Oh man,” he sighed, feeling Lorelai's muscles clamp around his hardness.
Luke slowly began to thrust into Lorelai, massaging her clit steadily in time with his movement. Lorelai planted both hands against the shower stall and bent to accommodate Luke's motion.
“Oh,” Lorelai gasped, enjoying the combination of Luke's thrusts and the hot water beating down on her back. Luke leaned back and began to thrust harder, running his hands over Lorelai's hips and ass as he watched himself riding her from behind.
“Luke,” Lorelai gasped, rocking her hips in time with Luke's increasingly powerful strokes. “Jesus, Luke..” she moaned, feeling her climax building.
“God, you feel so good,” Luke groaned, losing his ability to hold back for Lorelai. “You're so hot. God, you're so damn hot on me.”
“Harder,” Lorelai gasped, reaching between her legs. Luke sucked air in sharply as he felt Lorelai stroke her clit as he pounded into her.
“Jesus,” Luke hissed. He could feel Lorelai's inner walls begin to throb around his own throbbing cock. “Jesus, Lorelai, I can't....”
Lorelai rocked back against Luke, moaning deeply. “I'm here,” she panted. “I'm right here with you, baby, make me come. Make me come with you, baby.”
“Lorelai,” Luke whispered, thrusting wildly into her depths. “Come for me baby, take me with you.”
“Oh god,” Lorelai gasped, throwing her head back as her orgasm overtook her. “Holy...Oh my god, I'm coming, Luke, come with me now, baby, let it go,” she wailed as the waves of pleasure wracked her body.
Luke groaned loudly as he felt Lorelai begin to pulsate around him. “Oh my god,” he moaned as he lost control of himself completely. He thrust deep and hard into Lorelai, feeling his own orgasm hit him full force. “Lorelai,” Luke growled as he exploded within her. “Love you,” he gasped as he thrust into her a few more times. Luke felt his knees weaken from his release, and bent over Lorelai, laying his head on her shoulder as he recovered.
“Damn,” Luke whispered shakily.
“Double damn,” Lorelai grinned as they slowly straightened up. “That was fun.”
Luke laughed as he leaned back into the stream of water. “I think the hot water is about gone.”
Lorelai leaned against the shower wall as Luke quickly cleaned himself up. “Your turn,” Luke grinned, stepping back to allow Lorelai time to clean up herself before the water lost all heat.
Lorelai quickly soaped up as Luke dragged the sopping wet bathrobe away from the drain. “Know what really sucks?” Luke asked as he stepped out of the shower stall.
“What's that?” Lorelai asked as she rinsed herself off.
“One of us has to figure out how to get that robe up off the ground,” Luke sighed.
“Oh,” Lorelai frowned. “That's going to be a problem.”
“We'll figure it out in the morning,” Luke sighed, grabbing a towel from the rack.
“Yeah,” Lorelai agreed, turning off the water. “Tomorrow one of us may be more flexible.”
“Right,” Luke laughed, handing Lorelai a towel.
“Thanks, Babe,” Lorelai smiled, stepping out of the shower and kissing Luke. “Sweetie?” Lorelai asked.
“Yeah?” Luke replied.
“Don't ever lose my kid again,” Lorelai said sternly.
“No,” Luke said, shaking his head. “Never ever losing your kid again.”
“Good,” Lorelai grinned. “As long as we're on the same page.”
Chapter 28: The Fast And The Furious
“There yet?” Xander asked.
“Almost,” Luke sighed, making a right hand turn. “Any guesses about what we're going to do today?”
“Fishin',” Xander guessed.
“Nah, too cold to go fishing,” Luke replied, braking for a red light.
“There yet?” Xander asked.
“Nope,” Luke replied. “Guess again.”
“Fishin',” Xander guessed.
Luke groaned as the light changed to green and he pressed the accelerator. “You just guessed that.”
“Swimmin'?” Xander altered his response.
“In December?” Luke asked, waving his scarf in the air as a reminder to the boy that this wasn't exactly swimming weather.
“There yet?” Xander asked.
“Kid,” Luke sighed. “You've got issues.”
“French fries!” Xander yelped as the car drove past a fast food restaurant.
“Maybe later, little man,” Luke grinned as he turned into a parking lot.
“There yet?” Xander asked.
“Yes,” Luke sighed. “Thank god for that, too.”
Luke parked the car and got out. He extricated Xander from his car seat, grabbed his cane, took Xander's hand and started to walk toward their destination.
“Don't get losted,” Xander scolded, holding Luke's hand tightly.
Luke shook his head. “I'm not going to get lost. You people are never going to let me live that down, are you?”
“Nope!” Xander replied cheerfully.
“Thank you for your continued support,” Luke retorted dryly as they entered the building.
Xander stopped short and stared at the sight before him. “Wow!” he said reverently.
“What do you think?” Luke grinned.
“Games!” Xander cried. “Lots of games!”
“Manly games,” Luke growled.
“Grrr,” Xander replied. It was the only manly sound he could think of.
“Let's get some quarters and start shooting and hitting things,” Luke nodded approvingly.
“Bang!” Xander squealed as he and Luke wandered to the counter of the indoor entertainment center to get some change. Luke pulled out a twenty dollar bill and took the cup of tokens the clerk produced.
“Okay, let's scope out the joint,” Luke said, as he and Xander began to stalk the various video games and activities in the complex.
“What's that?” Xander asked, pointing out a large piece of machinery.
“Duck pin bowling,” Luke laughed. “Let's do it.”
“Do what?” Xander asked as Luke inserted some tokens into both lanes of the game. Luke grabbed the palm sized ball that rolled down. “It's just like bowling, only a smaller ball, smaller pins, and a shorter lane,” Luke explained. “You have to knock down all those pins up there. Like this.” Luke rolled his ball up the lane, knocking down all but the ten pin. “See? I almost did it,” Luke said. “If you don't get them all down the first time, you get one more chance.” Luke rolled the ball again, and hit the ten pin.
“Yay!” Xander cheered. “My turn?”
“Go for it,” Luke grinned.
Xander picked up his ball. He frowned at the ball, then at the pins. Luke smiled as he watched the boy plot his next move. Xander suddenly raised the ball over his head with two hands and flung it as hard as he could. Luckily, that wasn't very hard. The ball sailed through the air and suddenly plummeted down to the short lane, bounced a couple of times and landed in the gutter. The ball came to a rest in the gutter just ahead of the first pin.
“I missed,” Xander pouted.
“But you missed with flair,” Luke grinned, leaning on the lane and poking the stranded ball with his cane. The ball rolled back to Xander. “Okay,” Luke said. “Do-over. This time, try rolling it.”
“Kay,” Xander muttered, grasping the ball. He swiveled his hips and with a mighty heave, he rolled the ball down the lane. This time he managed to take down a couple of the pins.
“Yay!” Xander bellowed, hopping up and down. “I hit 'em!”
“Good going,” Luke laughed. “Okay, you've got the hang of it. Head to head competition now. Winner gets to pick the next game.” Luke and Xander stood at their respective lanes and began to bowl. Luke obviously won, but Xander held his own. His score would have been a little better if not for one wild roll that ended up bouncing into Luke's lane. Sadly, the only strike Xander achieved that game was tallied toward Luke's final score because of the out of control ball.
“Pick a game,” Xander instructed as the duck pin bowling game ended and Xander collected the tickets spitting out from the machine.
Luke looked around. “Ooh, cars. Let's race cars.”
“Cars!” Xander agreed.
Luke found an open racing game and slid into the seat. “I'll handle the pedals, you steer,” Luke instructed, pulling Xander up into his lap. Luke dropped the required tokens into the game. “Here we go,” He grinned as the game lit up and Xander selected a car with the steering wheel.
The screen flipped to the starting line and the countdown began. “Okay, go!” Luke cried, pressing on the accelerator. Xander gritted his teeth and began wildly spinning the steering wheel.
“Wait,” Luke grunted. “You're going the wrong way. You're backwards. Xan, stop spinning the wheel. Hey, you're just making the car turn in circles. Xander. Straighten up. No, point the other way. Dude, we're still at the starting line. Xander, the race is almost over and we haven't left the starting line. Straighten up. STOP. There, stop there. That's the direction you want to go. Okay, I'm hitting the gas. There you go, don't spin, just keep it straight. Wait, no, wait, Xan! That's the wall. Wow. How did you just drive up the wall? Was that supposed to happen? Get off the wall. You're stuck. It's a video game, how did you get stuck on a wall? Straighten up. There you go. Now we're cooking. Okay, we're going around a curve, steer into it. No, don't change gears. You want to stay in low gear. Stop, no, not high gear. Okay, at least pick a gear. It isn't a pump. Stop that. Watch it, you're going to go right into that...Crud. Ditch. Okay, get out of the ditch. No, not into the ditch, out of it. Remember the road? You want to be on the road, ideally. Yeah, there, no don't turn back. Good, go for the road. For the love of all that is holy, get on the road. There. Good, let's go, we're running out of time. I can still see the starting line. Okay, I'm punching it, we're going turbo, hang on. No! Go around the car. Watch it, go around it, go around the car, no, around, around, around the...Xan! Not into the...oh. Never mind.”
“I blowed up,” Xander scowled.
“It was inevitable,” Luke laughed. “Worst driving ever. You're not getting a license until you're thirty.”
“Big blow up!” Xander crowed. “New game.”
“Let's try something a little more low-tech,” Luke groaned, pulling himself to his feet. Luke nodded across the room. “Whack-A-Mole?”
“Hit stuff!” Xander squealed and ran to the game. Luke let Xander put a token in and start the game.
“Hit anything that moves,” Luke coached as the plastic heads began to pop up from their holes. Xander began wildly attacking the surface with the cushioned bat. Luke leaned up against the game and looked over his shoulder. As the game quickened its pace, Luke began to surreptitiously pound anything that Xander missed with his fist. Xander was so absorbed in the game he didn't even notice that Luke was helping to inflate his score. The game ended and tickets began to spit out of the machine.
“Wow!” Xander exclaimed, impressed. “I did good.”
Luke nodded. “Definitely found your game,” he grinned.
The pair worked their way through the games at the center. They found a few hunting games in which no virtual animals were hurt due to Xander's poor hand/eye coordination. They played several rounds of basketball, which Xander seemed to excel at, scoring at least 10 baskets with no help from Luke. Xander convinced Luke to let him try the Dance, Dance Revolution game. Xander, true to form, was not up to the challenge, but he collected eight dollars in tips from the sudden crowd that gathered to cheer his enthusiastic dancing attempts. Luke nearly collapsed from laughter as he watched the boy gyrate and stomp to the music, flinging his chubby fists in the air much in the style of John Travolta in 'Saturday Night Fever'. The crowd erupted into applause as the game ended and Xander clapped along with them, oblivious to the fact that they were clapping for him. Luke wiped away the tears from his eyes as the boy collected his tips.
“It's true,” Luke wheezed, trying to regain his composure. “White boys really can't dance.”
“Fun game!” Xander panted, winded from the effort.
“You're quite the entertainer,” Luke chuckled as they wandered through the center, making sure they had hit every game of interested.
Xander peeked into a doorway. “What's there?” he asked.
Luke looked through the door. “Batting cages,” he replied.
“Can I play?” Xander asked.
“Sorry,” Luke said. “That's a grown-up game. The balls are too fast for you to hit. You could get hurt really bad.”
“Oh,” Xander said, disappointed. “Watch it?”
“Sure, we can watch them,” Luke smiled, sitting Xander up on one of the stools along the wall. Luke sat on the stool next to the boy.
“Wow,” Xander exclaimed, watching a couple of men who were swinging bats in the cages. “Fast balls.”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded, watching the men longingly.
“You can play,” Xander offered.
“I don't know,” Luke shook his head. “Don't think my leg is up to the challenge right now.”
“Like baseball?” Xander asked.
“Love baseball,” Luke sighed. “Used to play it all the time.”
“You can play,” Xander tempted Luke again.
Luke heaved a heavy sigh. “Really wanna hit one or two,” he muttered sadly.
“Go Daddy,” Xander pressed happily, bouncing in his seat.
Luke looked warily at Xander. “Maybe I can do the slow pitch cage,” he murmured softly.
“Do it, do it, do it,” Xander chanted.
Luke grinned slyly at Xander. “Don't tell your Mommy I did this, she'd throttle me. You stay right here and I'll just take a couple of easy swings.” Luke grabbed a helmet and a bat and limped into the slow pitch cage. “Ready?” he beamed at the boy.
“Ready!” Xander cried.
Luke took a few practice swings, feeling out a stance that wouldn't rely too heavily on his left leg. “I think I may be able to pull this off,” Luke chuckled to Xander. Luke slid the tokens into the machine and choked up on the bat, basking in the familiarity of the feel of the wood in his grasp. The love of the game was still there, no doubt about it. Luke narrowed his eyes as the pitching machine began to whir. The ball came flying out of the machine. Luke waited, sized up the pitch and swung. A loud crack announced that Luke had made solid contact, and the ball sailed back into the nets. Luke hopped back onto his right leg, somehow managing to redistribute his weight at the right moment, avoiding a painful situation if he had followed through properly with his left leg.
“Geez!” Xander shouted, clapping for Luke.
“Did you see that?” Luke grinned at the boy. “Out of the park!”
Luke swung high at the next few pitches, allowing the balls to dip underneath his swing. He didn't want to do anything stupid, and was content just to be able to go through the motions. The few pitches that Luke wanted to hit, he hit soundly, the balls bouncing off the back wall every time. Luke limped out of the cages, ignoring the dull throb now present in his leg. “That was cool,” he grinned as he put his helmet back on the shelf behind Xander's head.
“Fun,” Xander giggled.
“Fun,” Luke agreed, laughing.
The pair played a few more games, and finally decided to make their way home. Xander was yawning on a regular basis, and Luke's leg had had enough for the day. Luke ordered some food at a fast food restaurant drive-thru, placating Xander's french fry addiction. They got home and ate their food on the coffee table in the living room while watching Xander's favorite cartoon line-up.
“Good day?” Luke asked, popping a chicken nugget into his mouth.
“Good day,” Xander nodded, slurping loudly on his milkshake.
“I had a blast,” Luke admitted. “Your driving skills need serious work, though.”
Xander giggled. “I blowed up.”
“En fuego,” Luke grinned. “And on top of it all, I didn't get lost.”
“Yup,” Xander nodded proudly. “Didn't get losted.”
“Definitely a successful men's day out,” Luke assessed.
“Grr,” Xander growled.
“Grr,” Luke growled back as he laid back on the couch. “Geez, all this manly stuff wore me out,” he yawned.
“Me too,” Xander yawned, climbing up on the couch and on top of Luke.
“Man nap,” Luke muttered, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around Xander as the boy snuggled up underneath Luke's chin.
“Man nap,” Xander whispered in agreement as he drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 29: Baby With A Side Of Baby
Lorelai stirred as the soft rays of morning light fell on her face.
“Mornin',” Luke murmured, kissing Lorelai's forehead.
“Good morning,” she whispered, reaching up to stroke Luke's cheek.
“How are you feeling, pretty lady?” Luke murmured, kissing Lorelai's lips softly.
“Splits on a crate of dynamite,” Lorelai responded sleepily. “Times two...million.”
“Yeah,” Luke said softly. “Rough night, last night, huh?”
“Sorry,” Lorelai replied.
“No reason to be sorry,” Luke frowned, brushing a stray strand of hair from Lorelai's forehead.
“I caused a fuss,” Lorelai whispered.
“You're worth the fuss,” Luke scolded quietly. “Everybody is okay now, that's all that matters. Just don't do that to me ever again. You nearly gave me a heart attack.”
“Don't ever get me pregnant again,” Lorelai shot back, still groggy.
“I won't, I promise,” Luke swore. “After last night, I'll get snipped, no complaints, if that's what you want. You earned the trade, fair and square.”
“Babies are fine?” Lorelai murmured, looking blearily around the room.
“Fine,” Luke assured Lorelai. “Pretty, and pink, and just fine. They're in the nursery right now, they'll bring the babies to us soon enough.”
“What are they?” Lorelai asked, closing her eyes. “I missed that part.”
“Yeah,” Luke shuddered. “Not a fan of Out Cold Lorelai, might I add. One of each, Sweetie. Boy and a girl.”
“Oh,” Lorelai smiled, her eyes still closed. “Nice. Even Stevens.”
Luke grinned as he gently stroked Lorelai's hand. “Yeah. And they're gorgeous. Fuzzy hair on their heads. You're going to want to eat them up. They're gorgeous. And loud. They'll fit in just fine with those lungs.”
“Missed that part too,” Lorelai mumbled.
“I know,” Luke frowned. “You got our boy out and just dropped. Did I mention that you can never do that to me ever again?”
“I won't,” Lorelai whispered. “Sorry.”
“It's okay,” Luke soothed, kissing Lorelai on the forehead as she fell back asleep. Luke settled back into his chair and closed his eyes. He soon drifted off to sleep himself, not having been able to sleep all night until Lorelai woke up again and proved to him that she was okay.
The babies were brought to Luke and Lorelai a little later. Luke roused himself and propped pillows under Lorelai's arms as she took turns breastfeeding each child. Lorelai was still feeling weak from the draining delivery the night before, and Luke hovered, concerned, as he watched her determinedly feed her babies despite her shakiness. Lorelai took a short nap after the babies were fed, and Luke passed the time by taking turns cuddling each newborn. He was holding their little girl when Lorelai awakened.
“Hi,” Luke whispered. “Hi, Mommy,” he squeaked in a high voice, gently waving the little girl's fist at Lorelai.
“Gimme,” Lorelai smiled, holding her arms out for the girl. Luke placed the newborn in Lorelai's arms and picked up her twin brother, sitting down on the bed next to Lorelai.
“At least we don't have to fight over babies this time,” Luke grinned. “Plenty of baby to go around.”
“And here we are once again with no names,” Lorelai sighed. “Any ideas?”
“No matching names,” Luke frowned. “I hate cutesy twin names.”
“Me too,” Lorelai agreed. “How about Claire?” she mused, looking at their daughter.
“Are you kidding?” Luke asked. “Claire Danes?”
“Oh,” Lorelai snorted. “That would be awkward. Especially if we ever meet Billy Crudup.”
“Something normal,” Luke muttered. “Simple. I like simple. It's easy to yell 'Gracie Lynn Danes' when she's done something evil, but 'Alexander William Danes' gives the boy time to make a getaway while you're still wrapped up in yelling his name.”
“Luckily, Xander is not the track star his Daddy is,” Lorelai chuckled. “Okay. Simple. Sarah? Jennifer? Amy? Christina? Samantha? Samantha.”
Luke arched an eyebrow at Lorelai. “That's nice, I think. Samantha. Sam. Sammie.”
“Cute, but not vomit-inducing cute,” Lorelai agreed. “Samantha Christine? Samantha Louise? Samantha Jane?”
“Samantha Jane Danes,” Luke mused. “It rhymes. That makes it too cute. Hey, Samantha Emily?”
Lorelai frowned. “If we named her after my mother, we'd never hear the end of it. Samantha Emily Danes?”
Luke shrugged. “I kind of like it. It's a good name.”
“Okay,” Lorelai nodded, looking at the little girl. “Looks like we picked a winner, here. Nice to meet you, Samantha Emily Danes. We'll have to prepare you for the Emily assault you're going to get over this. Sorry in advance.”
“Hi, Sam,” Luke grinned, kissing the girl on the forehead.
“She's definitely a Sam,” Lorelai smiled. “Now, boy names?”
“Absolutely no Tanner, Tucker, Brayden, Jayden, Cayden, Tyler, Cody, Brody, Jody, or any state inspired names,” Luke growled.
“Well, that narrows the playing field,” Lorelai grinned. She fingered the boy's hand gently. “Your Daddy has very strong ideas about things, kiddo.”
“Especially dumb boy names,” Luke muttered.
“Chandler,” Lorelai guffawed. “We could have a Xan and a Chan.”
“No,” Luke said decisively.
“I still like Andrew,” Lorelai sighed.
“We know an Andrew,” Luke pointed out. “And we kept the William for Xander.”
“But we could name him Andrew Lucas,” Lorelai retorted. “After Daddy.”
“That's kind of cool,” Luke admitted. “What would we call him? Andy?”
“He looks kind of like a Drew,” Lorelai murmured, peering at the little boy.
“I could handle that,” Luke smirked. “Drew Danes. Pitcher. Red Sox.”
“What about Xander Danes, Shortstop for the Red Sox?” Lorelai scowled.
“Let's face it,” Luke laughed. “I think it's going to be more like Xander Danes, Accountant.”
“Be nice,” Lorelai laughed. “He's a baby yet. He hasn't developed the Dead-Eye gene yet. He may end up surprising you.”
“He does have a surprising jump shot,” Luke admitted.
“Basketball Danes,” Lorelai giggled.
“Okay then,” Luke chuckled. “Is this our final answer? Sam and Drew Danes?”
“Final answer,” Lorelai smiled. “Hiya Sam, hi Drew. Welcome to the madhouse.”
Luke and Lorelai looked up as a soft knock sounded on the door. Richard poked his head into the room. “Are you feeling up to visitors?” he asked hopefully.
“Come in, Dad,” Lorelai smiled. “Hi, Mom,” she added as Emily walked in behind Richard.
“Hello, Lorelai,” Emily replied. “We brought you some flowers to brighten your room.”
“Pretty,” Lorelai said as Emily sat the flowers on the bed stand.
“So what do we have here?” Richard grinned, leaning over to peer at the babies.
“Want to hold him?” Luke offered.
“Yes,” Richard nodded, reaching for the boy. “I'd like that very much.”
Emily smiled down at the little girl in Lorelai's arms. “I must say, you and Luke do make beautiful babies together,” Emily said crisply.
“Take her, Mom,” Lorelai said, handing the little girl to Emily.
“Well, all right,” Emily smiled as she cradled the baby in her arms. “Have you decided on names yet? Please don't tell me you allowed her to name these babies after more television shows, Luke,” Emily scolded.
“No,” Luke laughed. “We're keeping the pop-culture references down to a dull roar when it comes to the kids.”
“We named the boy Andrew Lucas Danes,” Lorelai said proudly. We're going to call him Drew.”
“That's a fine name,” Emily nodded.
“Very strong name,” Richard agreed. “Hello, Drew, I'm your grandfather,” he smiled down at the boy.
“And, um...we named this little girl here Samantha,” Lorelai said tentatively.
“Samantha what?” Richard prodded.
“Um...Samantha Emily Danes,” Lorelai replied.
“What?” Emily asked, her head snapping up.
“Samantha Emily Danes,” Luke repeated. “We'll call her Sam, more than likely.”
Emily stared at Lorelai, dumbstruck. “Really?” she asked quietly.
“That's lovely,” Richard grinned, pleased.
Lorelai shrugged her shoulders, smiling crookedly at Emily. “Is that okay?”
“That's...that is...very....oh, dear,” Emily stammered, lowering her eyes back to the baby to hide the tears that sprang forth. “Thank you,” she whispered, fussing with the girl's blanket. “I'm very honored.”
“Good,” Lorelai grinned, surprised at her own pleasure in seeing Emily's emotional reaction to the name.
Emily smiled shyly at Lorelai and walked away with the baby. “Just wait until I tell the ladies at the DAR,” she whispered proudly.
Richard leaned forward. “You just made her whole year,” he whispered.
“I'm glad,” Lorelai replied honestly.
“Where are the children?” Richard asked.
“Grace and Xan are at Sookie's house, and Rory and April are going to hop a couple of planes as soon as they can get away,” Luke explained.
“Are Gracie and Xander ready for the new babies?” Emily asked.
“Well, I think they'll be tolerant of the mixed bag, at least,” Lorelai laughed. “If we ended up with two boys or two girls, we would have one guaranteed unhappy camper in the ranks.”
“It will basically be pandelirium until they get used to the new additions,” Luke admitted.
“We'll be fine,” Lorelai nodded. “Gracie and Xan may be a little crazy in the head sometimes, but they know the first rule in the Danes family handbook.”
“The 'it won't be done easily' rule?” Luke asked quizzically.
“No, that just a pervasive fact of life in our little family,” Lorelai explained. “It's our own perverted Murphy's Law. No, the first rule is much more important.”
“What rule is that?” Richard asked, amused.
“Family takes care of family,” Lorelai said firmly. “No matter what.”
“A very good rule to have,” Richard nodded.
“Sounds familiar,” Luke mused.
“Really?” Lorelai asked, smiling at Luke.
Luke nodded. “Sounds like pretty sage advice, wherever you got that rule from.”
“Oh, it is,” Lorelai replied. “A very wise man told me that oh so many years ago. I'm glad I finally wised up and listened to him. Got myself a family to take care of.”
“Me too,” Luke nodded, kissing Lorelai's forehead. “And I'm really glad you decided to wise up with me.”
Chapter 30: Leave The Gun. Take The Cannoli.
“So cute,” Rory whispered, leaning on the back of the as she watched Lorelai hold Samantha.
“Cute over here, too,” April smiled, leaning over Luke's shoulder and cooing at Andrew.
“Have Patty and Babette attacked yet?” Rory asked.
“Not yet,” Lorelai responded. “Everyone is laying low, letting us adjust to two newborns at the same time.”
“Thank god for that,” Luke muttered, sitting a bottle down on the coffee table and moving Drew up to his shoulder for a much needed burping.
“No breastfeeding this time?” April asked.
“Not enough supply for the two drink minimum rule,” Lorelai said sadly. “Plus, ow? I've tried, but it's just not working well this time around.”
“Maybe next time,” Rory snickered, nudging Lorelai.
“Oh no,” Lorelai laughed. “No, no, no. Sorry kiddo, my uterus is waving the white flag of surrender,” she added, looking warily at Luke.
Rory narrowed her eyes, catching the look that Luke and Lorelai had just shared. “What's that all about?” she frowned.
“What?” Luke asked innocently.
“Don't what me, Mister,” Rory muttered. “What's up with that look you two just gave one another?”
“It's nothing, hon,” Lorelai sighed.
“Riight,” Rory retorted, not believing Lorelai.
“It's no big deal, really,” Lorelai said defensively. “The delivery was a little rough, and it was just recommended that Luke and I retire as propagators of the species. Basically, the doctors told me I'm just getting too durn old for this...stuff.”
“Okay, define rough,” Rory asked, concerned.
“Sam came strolling out, easy like Sunday morning, but Drew was being a little more, well, stubborn,” Lorelai explained. “He decided he was going to try to avoid eviction. And when mean old Mommy kept pushing, he decided to fight back and moon the nice lady who was trying to help Mommy deliver him, and, well, that was just not a pleasant experience on my end.”
“Ouch,” April winced. “He really tried to come out butt first?”
“I think I heard a nurse say 'Wow, look at the smile on that kid's face, oh, never mind.',” Lorelai joked.
“I didn't hear that,” Luke growled. “I just heard the eardrum shattering shrieking coming from you.”
“It was never anything dire, it just got a little tense, that's all,” Lorelai said dismissively. “Long story short, I had some bleeding issues, my blood pressure sort of tanked on me, and I ended up passing out and freaking out poor Luke here.”
“Poor Luke,” Rory sighed. “Poor Mom.”
Luke scowled. “She scared the crap out of me. Dropped like a sack of lead. They finally got Drew out, and her eyes just rolled up into her head, and down she went.”
“So does this mean...?” Rory began.
“Snip, snip,” Lorelai smiled.
“Wow, he caved,” April gasped, astonished.
“I think once Drew started to make his two-cheek salute to the world, and I started screaming like a banshee while trying to climb up the wall behind us, it put everything into perspective for my dear husband,” Lorelai grinned.
Luke shuddered. “Can we change the topic now, please?”
“Are they going to hide out over there all day?” Rory asked, nodding toward the stairs, where Grace and Xander perched, glumly observing the new additions to the family.
“They're sizing up the competition,” Luke grinned. “Looking for weaknesses. Will you two get over here already? They won't bite. Not until they start cutting teeth, anyway.”
Grace and Xander slowly got up and slunk over to where Lorelai and Luke sat with the babies.
“Come on,” Lorelai encouraged, patting the cushion beside her. Luke scooted away from Lorelai as Grace and Xander climbed up onto the couch between them. Grace settled in next to Lorelai as Xander sat up on his knees next to Luke, peering suspiciously at Drew.
“He's tiny,” Xander pointed out solemnly.
“Want to hold him?” Luke asked, turning toward Xander. Xander nodded hesitantly as Luke handed Drew to him.
“Here you go,” Luke said softly, placing the baby into Xander's waiting arms. “Watch his head, now. Gotta support his head, or it may fall off and roll under the couch,” Luke joked as he helped Xander support the baby properly. “See? He's not so bad,” Luke smiled.
Xander scrunched up his face. “I guess he's nice,” he said uncertainly. “Hi, Doo.”
“You're a big brother now,” Luke said quietly. “That's a pretty important job to have. Think you can handle it?”
“Uh huh,” Xander smiled. “Big bruffer.”
“What about you, Gracie?” Lorelai smiled. “You have a little sister to play with now, that's kind of cool, isn't it?”
“Sam's nice, I think,” Grace sighed, grudgingly stroking the little girl's hand. “But Miss Kitty is still my cat.”
“Miss Kitty is safe for now, I think,” Luke chuckled. “What about your brother? You can play with him, too.”
“Maybe,” Grace grinned. “Does he sneeze a lot?” she asked as Luke tried to deflect a sudden Xander sneeze away from Drew's face with his own shirtsleeve.
“Not that we've noticed yet,” Luke laughed, inspecting his sleeve with a look of mild revolt.
“Good,” Grace nodded. “Then I guess he's okay.”
“Very magnanimous of you, Gracie,” Rory snorted.
“I like Doo,” Xander decided.
“That's mighty big of you,” Luke smiled. “I think Doo likes you, too.”
“Doo?” Lorelai mouthed at Luke, trying not to laugh.
Luke shrugged. “It is what it is,” he sighed.
Grace watched Samantha thoughtfully. “I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam I Am,” she giggled.
“Oh lord,” April moaned. “We have a Monkey, a Xan the Man, and now a Sam I Am and a Doo.”
“Sam I Am and Doo,” Lorelai laughed. “I like the sound of that.”
“You would,” Luke grumbled. “Let's shoot for one more just so we can name them something really weird like 'Bippy' or 'Chickpea'.”
“Sorry,” Lorelai said mournfully. “No more babies. Snip, snip, bye-bye Bippy.”
“Geez,” Luke muttered. “Enough with the snip, snip talk. You're making my stomach crawl.”
“Hey,” Lorelai whispered. “There are alternatives, you know.”
“And what's that?” Luke asked.
“Well, until I hit menopause, we could stop calling you Cool Hand, and rename you Lefty, if you know what I mean,” Lorelai replied, sticking out her tongue.
“Ew,” Rory and April squealed.
“Oh my god,” Luke moaned, blushing brightly. “You didn't just say that out loud.”
“Don't forget, you love me,” Lorelai grinned.
“I'm not so sure about that right now,” Luke growled.
Drew started to fuss in Xander's arms. “Take him!” Xander cried, unnerved by the suddenly unhappy baby.
Luke laughed and removed Drew from Xander's grasp. “You gotta get a thicker skin than that, little man,” Luke said. “He's going to making a lot more racket than this, soon enough.”
“Loud baby,” Xander moaned, covering his ears.
“You were louder,” Grace informed the boy. “And you smelled funny.”
“Nuh uh,” Xander replied crossly. “You smell.”
“Stop it, you two,” Lorelai sighed, rolling her eyes. “This is going to be one heck of a ride,” she smirked, as Sam decided to harmonize with Drew's cries.
“Wow,” April laughed. “Not regretting that Mom didn't reproduce after me, right now.”
“There's something to be said for being a couple of decades older than your brothers and sisters,” Rory said, raising her voice over the din.
“I think we have diaper issues,” Luke sighed. “Who wants to give me a hand?”
“Not me,” Grace said, shaking her head. “Stinky.”
“I don't think it's stinky,” Luke groaned as Rory handed him the needed supplies.
Xander hovered watchfully as Luke changed Drew's diaper, eagerly handing Luke the diaper supplies as he called for them.
“Careful,” Lorelai warned Xander. “Once we know you know how to change diapers, it's all over for you, kid.”
“Never good with the newborn diapers,” Luke muttered, struggling to get Drew cleaned up. Luke knocked the diaper off the couch. “Crud,” he muttered. “Hand me that, will you, kid?” he asked Xander as he lifted Drew off the couch. “Stick it right there,” Luke instructed Xander as he lay Drew on his shoulder during the fight to regain control of the rogue diaper.
Luke suddenly sat upright. “Aw, geez,” he groaned as he screwed up his face in disgust.
“Let me guess,” Lorelai laughed. “Unexpected shower?”
“Hey Daddy, you're wet,” Xander pointed out at Luke sighed and laid Drew back down on top of the diaper.
“Now that you mention it, I am a little wet,” Luke muttered. “Captain Obvious saves the day.”
“Doo peed on Poppy,” Grace chortled.
“Thanks for the newsflash,” Luke snarked.
“Wow,” Xander said, impressed. “Lots of pee.”
“Oh man,” Rory laughed. “This is more fun than watching Ab Fab.”
“Yeah, I think I'm going to go clean up now,” Luke groaned, handing the freshly diapered boy to Rory. “Your turn.”
“Thanks Luke, you're swell,” Rory smiled as she cuddled the boy.
“I can do diapers better than Poppy,” Grace said proudly.
“Really?” Lorelai smiled. “Let's test you.”
Lorelai coached Grace through Sam's diaper change, making a mental note to mock Luke later on, because Grace was, in fact, doing a much better job than Luke had just done. She also managed to do it without having to take an impromptu shower when all was said and done.
“Look at you, Little Miss Thang,” Lorelai laughed.
“I do good at diapers,” Grace reiterated as she concentrated on affixing the diaper tabs.
“You're going to regret that soon enough,” Lorelai threatened. “Now I know who to corner if I need a spare diaper changer.”
“Oh,” Grace frowned, realizing the error of her ways.
“Okay, I want to hold,” April pouted, stepping in to abduct Sam.
Lorelai lounged back into the couch. “Finally, a breather,” she sighed as Grace climbed up next to her.
“I guess I like the babies,” Grace concluded as she lounged next to Lorelai.
“Good, kiddo,” Lorelai smiled as she twirled a lock of Grace's hair. “I'm glad you approve.”
Luke returned, freshly showered. “I think I need a refresher course in diapers,” he scowled, grabbing Xander as he flopped on the couch.
“Watch your leg,” Lorelai murmured, as Luke flinched upon impact.
“Keep forgetting about that,” he sighed as Xander crawled in between him and the couch. “So what's the verdict, guys? Do we keep the twins?” Luke asked, stuffing something into Xander's hand.
“Uh huh,” Xander giggled, stuffing the item in his shirt pocket.. “Keep them.”
“What was that?” Lorelai asked suspiciously.
“What was what?” Luke asked.
“What did you just give him?” Lorelai pressed.
“I made him an offer he couldn't refuse,” Luke wheezed, doing a moderately acceptable Marlon Brando impersonation.
“Spill,” Lorelai frowned, wanting in on the joke.
“Dollar!” Xander squealed, pulling the money out of his pocket and waving it in the air.
“Oh my god!” Lorelai gasped. “You bribed him? You bribed our son?”
“Hey, I want a dollar too,” Grace pouted. “I'll keep them for a dollar.”
Luke sighed and pulled out his wallet. He dug out a one dollar bill and threw it at Grace. “There's no going back now,” he warned. “Once you accept the deal, you're stuck with your decision.”
“Okay,” Grace agreed. “Can I buy candy?”
“You're evil,” Lorelai grinned. “I like it.”
“It's all about the Benjamins,” Luke nodded.
“Go figure,” Lorelai mused as Grace and Xander ogled their payoffs. “Seven months of begging and pleading with them to give the babies a chance, and all it took was a bribe that will barely buy them a side of fries at Luke's.”
“I may have just bought a one-way ticket to hell,” Luke grinned, “But I also bought myself at least a day of blissful silence from the gruesome twosome here.”
“Smart man,” Lorelai laughed. “Very smart man.”
Chapter 31: There's A Fungus Among Us
Lorelai stirred in her sleep. She frowned and opened one eye as she focused on the muffled cries coming from the twins' bedroom through the baby monitor. She roused herself a little and listened intently. “Sam,” she mumbled decisively, and reached over to give a slumbering Luke a shake.
“Hmm?” He moaned, rolling away from Lorelai.
Lorelai shook Luke a little harder. “Sam,” she murmured. “Your turn.”
“Huh?” Luke asked groggily. “Sam? Oh. My turn,” he sighed, slowly sitting up. Luke rubbed his forehead. “I've got a headache,” he groaned as he stood up.
Lorelai didn't respond. She had already dozed off again.
Luke shuffled to the twins' room, rubbing his throbbing hip. “Keep your diaper on,” he muttered as Sam's cries grew louder to herald Luke's arrival. “Okay, kid, what's the deal?” Luke asked as he bent over the crib. He executed a quick diaper status check. “All dry,” he whispered. “Must be chow time.” Luke lifted Sam from the crib, cringing as he heard Drew snuffle loudly and begin to whimper on the other side of the room.
“Good timing,” Luke sighed. He leaned close to the baby monitor. “Hey Lorelai, your turn. Come get your son, sunshine.” Luke chuckled as he heard Lorelai's groan of protest float down the hall. “Calm down, guys,” Luke whispered. He crossed the room to Drew's crib, gently bouncing Sam in one arm and stroking Drew's head with his free hand. “Calm down, I've called for back up.”
Lorelai stumbled blearily into the dark room. “Dolby surround sound,” she grumbled as she steered herself toward Drew's crib.
“I'll serve up some drinks,” Luke yawned, grimacing at the dull thud behind his eyes. Luke carried Sam down to the kitchen. He squinted as he flipped the light switch up and harsh light flooded the room. “Ow,” Luke muttered, trying to get his leg to loosen up and allow him some semblance of speed in the bottle warming process.
“We're going to need hearing aids soon,” Lorelai grouched as she carried a screaming Drew into the kitchen. “These two can really belt it out.” Luke nodded, and checked the temperature of the baby formula. He handed Lorelai a bottle, grabbed one for him and Sam, and slumped into the living room, flopping onto the couch. He began to feed Sam, and Lorelai followed suit, dropping onto the couch and giving Drew his bottle. “Silence,” she breathed gratefully.
“Is it cold in here?” Luke asked, fidgeting in his seat.
“Nope,” Lorelai yawned. “You cold?”
“No,” Luke snarked. “I'm just doing a general survey, trying to feel out the global warming crisis.”
“Grumpy,” Lorelai scowled. “You don't look so good. You're sweating. How are you sweating if you're cold?”
“Overactive sweat glands?” Luke shrugged.
Lorelai reached over and placed her hand on Luke's forehead. Drew grunted in displeasure at the shift in position. “You're burning up, babe,” Lorelai gasped.
“I am?” Luke asked. “I just have a headache, that's all.”
“And a fever,” Lorelai reminded him. “You're sick, my man.”
“I'm fine,” Luke argued, propping Sam upright for a burping.
“Call Caesar,” Lorelai ordered. “You can't go to work with a fever.”
“I'm fine,” Luke insisted. “It's okay, I just feel a little crappy.”
Luke and Lorelai heard a soft moan and looked up at the top of the stairs at the source of the moaning.
“What's up, tiger?” Lorelai asked as Xander slunk down the stairs and limped toward the couch.
“Tummy hurts,” Xander sniffled, rubbing his eyes. “I throwed up,” he continued, climbing up next to Lorelai and collapsing against her.
“Aw, hon,” Lorelai frowned. “Where did you throw up?”
“Miss Kitty,” Xander moaned.
“Miss Kitty?” Luke repeated. “Are you using Miss Kitty as a landmark or a scene of the crime in this instance?”
“Throwed up on Miss Kitty,” Xander wept weakly.
“Well, that's disturbing,” Lorelai shuddered. “Did you at least make a concerted effort to not puke on Miss Kitty?”
“Uh huh.” Xander nodded.
“As long as you tried to miss,” Luke replied, shaking his head.
“Well, it looks like both of my big boys are down for the count,” Lorelai said, watching Luke and Xander both slump down further into the couch, misery etched on their faces.
“Tummy hurt?” Xander queried, staring mournfully at Luke.
“Uh huh,” Luke finally confessed.
“Yuck,” Xander sympathized.
Lorelai left the boys and Sam on the couch to put Drew back to bed. She hunted down Miss Kitty Fantastico and cleaned her up as best as the cat would allow, and returned to the living room to retrieve a now sleeping Sam from Luke.
“Perfect timing,” Luke gulped as Lorelai lifted Sam from his arms. Luke's face turned sickly white as he leapt from the couch and tried to run for the bathroom. Xander flopped over onto his side on the couch.
Lorelai climbed the steps with Sam, wincing as she heard the echoes of Luke violently losing the contents of his stomach. “Gonna be a long day,” she thought as she laid the girl back into her crib.
Lorelai called Caesar to warn him that Luke was out of commission, and herded the wobbly patients back to Luke and Lorelai's bedroom. She grabbed a small waste basket and set it by the bed in case of an emergency, and pulled the comforter over Luke and Xander. Both were shivering, but sweaty as they were overtaken by their sudden illness.
“My poor boys,” Lorelai murmured, watching Xander thrash around, trying to get comfortable enough to fall back asleep. No sooner had Lorelai closed her eyes, she felt Xander sit bolt upright in bed.
“Throw up!” Xander yelped, panicking and throwing his hands over his mouth. Lorelai sprang into action, grabbing the waste basket from the floor beside her, and maneuvering it underneath Xander's chin just in time.
“Aw, geez,” Luke moaned, rolling out of bed and stumbling to the bathroom with his hand clasped over his own mouth. Lorelai rolled her eyes, listening to Luke and Xander retch miserably, in unison. “Mike and Ike, they yutz alike,” she muttered as she wiped Xander's mouth with a tissue.
“Yuck,” Xander whimpered pathetically. Luke dragged himself back into the bedroom, holding two Dixie cups in his hands. He handed a cup to Xander. “Sip it,” Luke moaned, sipping at his own cup of water.
They sat up for the rest of the pre-dawn hours. Luke and Xander alternated turns hovering over the toilet or the waste basket.
The twins began to stir as the sun began to rise, and both began to wail at the top of their lungs.
“I'll get them,” Lorelai sighed.
“I'll help,” Luke whispered, rolling a temporarily sleeping Xander into the middle of the bed.
“You're sick, Luke,” Lorelai said. “I'll be fine.”
“I'll help,” Luke insisted, grabbing Lorelai's shoulder for support. Luke grabbed the closest baby and carried Drew to a changing table as Lorelai grabbed a set of onesies out for the pair. She threw one at Luke, pulled Sam out of her crib, and set about getting the girl ready for the day as Luke struggled to stay upright as he changed Drew.
“Downstairs?” Lorelai asked as they finished up.
Luke shook his head. “Bed,” he gasped.
“I should keep the babies away from you guys,” Lorelai scowled as they walked back to the bedroom.
“They infected us,” Luke reminded Lorelai.
“Bad babies,” Lorelai scolded lightly, kissing Sam on the head. “Keep your germs to yourself.”
Luke collapsed back into the bed, laying Drew on his chest. “Feel awful,” he scowled.
“Me too,” Xander murmured sleepily.
Lorelai cuddled Sam as the boys moaned pitifully.
“Throw up!” Xander announced yet again.
“Crap,” Lorelai muttered, trying to pick up the waste basket with one hand. She swung it around and tried to stick it underneath Xander's chin, but she ended up thumping him in the forehead.
“Ow,” Xander sulked between retches.
“Sorry,” Lorelai cringed. “Man, this is going to be a long day.”
“Sorry,” Luke muttered as he too decided it was time to be sick again. He laid Drew on his back in between Xander and Lorelai and made his break for the bathroom.
“Throw up!” Xander wept, sitting up again.
“Geez,” Lorelai moaned. She laid Sam next to Drew and grabbed the waste basket yet again, and rubbed Xander's back as he was sick again. “We've got to come up with a better system than this,” she sighed, as Luke returned to the bed.
“Can't get any worse,” Luke said shakily as he picked up Drew and lay back down with him.
“You jinxed it,” Lorelia cringed. “You should have learned by now to never...”
“Mommy?” Grace called from the doorway.
“Yeah, sweetie, you up already?” Lorelai replied.
“My belly hurts,” Grace frowned as she slumped toward the bed.
“Oh boy,” Lorelai sighed. “Climb on up, kiddo, you're about to join the Blowachunck Express.”
“You too?” Luke groaned as Grace climbed over Xander.
“Belly,” Grace whimpered, curling up into a ball.
“This is a cluster..” Luke groaned.
“Watch it, bub,” Lorelai growled, cutting Luke off.
“Well, it is,” he shrugged.
Sam began to fuss in Lorelai's arms. “Damn,” Lorelai whispered. “Hon, they're going to be hungry again. Can you take care of them long enough for me to heat up some bottles?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded, swallowing hard. “I'll keep it under control. I think.”
“I think I'm going to throw up,” Grace moaned.
“Bathroom!” Luke and Lorelai shouted.
Grace rolled out of bed and ran to the bathroom.
“Oh my god,” Lorelai sighed. “I'll be right back. Xander, you aim for the basket if you get sick.”
“Kay,” Xander agreed weakly.
Lorelai heated up two bottles and returned to the bedroom.
“Thank god,” Luke groaned, laying Drew down and making a run for it.
Lorelai started to feed Sam, but Drew began to wail as soon as Luke laid him down. Lorelai grabbed a pacifier off the end table to give to Drew, but he spat it out.
“Double damn,” Lorelai muttered as Luke collapsed back into bed.
“I can't sit up,” he whispered defeatedly.
“Okay, I can't do this,” Lorelai moaned. “Too many sick people, too many babies, not enough me.”
“Give me a bottle,” Luke slurred, trying to keep his eyes open.
“You can barely stay conscious,” Lorelai scolded.
“I'm...fine,” Luke replied, shuddering violently.
“Just, lay here for a second,” Lorelai said, her brain working overtime as she tried to find a solution. Lorelai hurried downstairs, Sam balanced in one arm, bottle stuck under her chin. Liz and TJ weren't available, Babette and Maury were on a cruise, Michel wasn't even an option, and Sookie was definitely needed at the inn if Lorelai couldn't show up. She needed help, ASAP. Lorelai groaned, and stared at the phone.
“Lorelai!” she heard Luke call from upstairs. “Running out of self-control!” Luke pleaded.
“Crap,” Lorelai muttered and picked up the phone. “Can't believe I'm doing this," she muttered as she waited for an answer.
“Hello?” the voice on the other end answered.
“Hi,” Lorelai said impatiently. “Um, need a big favor.”
“Lorelai?” Emily asked. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”
Lorelai rolled her eyes. “I do Mom, I'm in a bind. I'm sorry. I have to ask you a huge, huge favor.”
“What?” Emily asked. “Is something wrong? Is Luke in jail?”
“Why would Luke be in jail?” Lorelai cried. “They're sick. They're all sick. And the babies are on the exact same schedule, which means they both want to eat at the same time, and poop at the same time, and Luke can barely hold his head up, much less hold a baby, and Xander's puking, and Grace is puking, and Luke is puking, and the babies are hungry, and I only have two hands, Mom!” Lorelai gasped.
“What do you need?” Emily asked.
“Brace yourself, Emily,” Lorelai grinned.
“For what?” Emily asked.
“For this,” Lorelai replied. “Mommy! Please come, I need help, please, please, please come and help me, I love you, Mommy!” she begged.
Emily laughed in surprise. “I'll be there as quickly as I can, Lorelai,” she replied, pleased.
“Thank you, Mom,” Lorelai sighed. “You are my new best friend.”
Chapter 32: Emily Gilmore, Superstar
“Thank god you're here,” Lorelai gasped, throwing open the front door.
“I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner,” Emily apologized, flinching in surprise as Lorelai flung her arms around Emily. “What do you need me to do?” she asked, patting Lorelai on the back.
“Pick a baby, any baby,” Lorelai moaned wearily. “Plenty of poo to go around.”
“Oh dear,” Emily said,clearing her throat as she glanced around at the messy living room. Drew and Sam were belted in their baby swings. Sam whimpered softly as Drew wailed as loud as his lungs would allow. “They're utterly miserable, are they sick as well?”
“No, they were sick a few days ago, but they've been better,” Lorelai sighed. “They're just so unbelievably cranky today. They must sense a disturbance in the force, or something, because Mommy just can do no right today.”
“Have you checked their diapers?” Emily asked, unbuckling Sam's safety belt and lifting her from her seat.
“Every hour,” Lorelai explained. “If they're not hungry, they're pooing, if they're not pooing, they're just angry at the world. They're very goth, big with the angst today. I think Sam's first words are going to be 'I want to see a therapist, Mommy, I have anxiety'. She's the crankiest of the two.”
“And Luke isn't able to help?” Emily queried as she began to change Sam's diaper.
Lorelai bent over and picked up Drew, laying him on a changing mat on the floor. “He keeps trying,” Lorelai smiled. “Poor guy kept trying to keep tabs on a baby, but he's up every two seconds. It's just futile. He needs to rest, he's just as bad off as Xan and Gracie. I brought the twins down here so they all could catch a little shut eye, if at all possible.”
“And Grace?” Emily asked, nodding at the other end of the couch where Grace dozed fitfully, curled up in a tight ball underneath a fleece throw.
“She was getting motion sickness from all the thrashing around and jumping up and down Luke and Xan have been doing. It's like Cirque du Soleil up there, with all the acrobatics those boys are doing to get to the bathroom in time,” Lorelai smirked. “She's handling the illness more, well...gracefully than those two.”
“It's no wonder, really,” Emily sniffed as she picked up a freshly diapered Samantha. “She's a girl. There simply is nothing worse than a man with the flu. Your father gets the sniffles, and you would think he was just diagnosed with the bubonic plague.”
Lorelai laughed. “Men are wusses.”
“Yes, they are,” Emily cooed at Sam as she cuddled the girl in her arms. “Men are not good patients, are they?”
Sam gurgled happily at Emily.
“Oh my god,” Lorelai whispered reverently. “You made her smile. How did you make her smile? I was ready to start flinging Prozac at her.”
“They sense the tension,” Emily murmured.
“I'm not tense,” Lorelai retorted. “I'm just a little overwhelmed at the moment.”
“I didn't mean that you were upsetting them,” Emily retracted. “I simply meant that babies are very sensitive to their environment. I only meant that they can sense that Luke and the children are ill, and that you are understandably frazzled.”
“Sorry,” Lorelai muttered. “My nerves are shot. I'm sorry I snapped at you.”
Lorelai picked up Drew and carried him to the chair. “Hi Doo,” Lorelai smiled. “Is my little Doo an unhappy camper?” Drew let out a pitiful cry and jammed his fist in his mouth in response.
“Doo?” Emily sighed. “Really, Lorelai, the names you call these babies.”
“Blame it on Xander,” Lorelai grinned. “Are you going to tell your grandson that you don't approve of such a nickname?”
“No,” Emily reluctantly admitted. “I seem to have lost all ability to say 'no' when it comes to your children.”
“Join the club,” Lorelai replied, rolling her eyes. “And Luke? He's Mister Gruff And Intimidating Father Guy, until someone sticks out a lower lip. Then he just melts into a big puddle of goo. The last time Xander got a splinter, I thought Luke was going to curl up in the fetal position and start sucking his thumb.”
“He's a good father,” Emily nodded, fussing with Sam's onesie. “He spoils Grace shamelessly,” she added with a knowing smile.
“He is at that,” Lorelai whispered, kissing Drew's cheek. “And yes, Gracie is spoiled rotten.”
Grace stirred on the couch, flopping on her back and moaning softly.
Lorelai walked over to Grace and felt her forehead and cheeks. “How are you feeling, baby?” she murmured as Grace blearily opened her eyes.
“Yucky,” Grace groaned.
“That's the word of the day,” Lorelai sympathized. “Look who's here.”
Grace raised her head. “Hi, Grammy,” she smiled weakly, dropping her head back on the pillow.
“Hello, Gracie,” Emily smiled. “I'm sorry you don't feel well.”
“Uh huh,” Grace sighed in agreement.
“Let me get you some water,” Lorelai said, and went to get Grace a drink.
“Don't want water,” Grace grumped.
“You need water,” Emily frowned. “It will help you get better.”
“Water?” Grace asked suspiciously.
“Yes, you need hydration,” Emily argued.
“Dration?” Grace repeated, still not accepting Emily's argument.
“If you don't get hydration, Mommy will have to take you to the hospital,” Emily explained.
“No,” Grace pouted. “Don't like the hospital. They stick you with things.”
“Then drink your water,” Emily concluded as Lorelai brought Grace's drink to her.
“Sip it slowly,” Lorelai murmured. “Don't gulp.”
Grace sipped her water, eying Emily warily.
“Good girl,” Emily smiled.
Lorelai stared at Emily. “Are you sure you aren't looking for a part time nanny gig?” she asked, shaking her head. “This girl won't drink anything that isn't purple without a fight.”
Emily laid Sam back in her rocker. “I think they've settled down for the time being,” she noted, stroking Sam's forehead as the little girl closed her eyes.
“Yeah,” Lorelai replied. “There may be a god after all.” She put Drew in his rocker and turned the knob. Drew yawned as his seat began to sway, and the boy quickly drifted off to sleep.
“Go lay down,” Emily whispered to Lorelai.
“I'm fine,” Lorelai said, shaking her head. “Besides, Gracie is up.”
“I'll watch Gracie, and if the babies wake up, I'll come and get you. Get some rest,” Emily insisted, sitting down on the couch and allowing Grace to lay her head in her lap.
“Thanks,” Lorelai sighed. “Come get me, even if they just snore funny.”
“I will,” Emily smiled, stroking Grace's tangled curls.
Lorelai stumbled upstairs and climbed into bed. She felt Xander's forehead, feeling a little relief when she realized he wasn't as warm as he had been the last time she checked. Lorelai yawned and curled up on her side, grateful to be off her feet.
Luke stirred in his sleep and looked at Lorelai, his eyes still shining with fever. “Babies?” he asked weakly.
“Emily is here,” Lorelai replied.
“Emily?” Luke asked, rubbing his eyes fiercely.
“She's helping,” Lorelai explained.
“Helping?” Luke groaned. “Emily? Am I hallucinating?”
“Quite possibly,” Lorelai remarked. “Don't question it, just go with it. Feeling any better?”
Luke shook his head slowly. “I can't believe I got sick.”
“Maybe if you drank more coffee and ate more cheeseburgers, you'd be as strong and healthy as I am,” Lorelai taunted.
“Don't mention food,” Luke gagged.
“Sorry,” Lorelai said. “Xander still puking?”
“Not for a little while now,” Luke muttered.
“You?” Lorelai asked.
“Crap,” Luke muttered, rolling out of bed and stumbling for the bathroom.
“I take that as a 'yes',” Lorelai groaned, pulling the comforter over her head.
Luke slumped back to the bed. He sat down and bent over as he was struck with a severe bout of coughing.
“Where did that come from?” Lorelai frowned.
“What, the coughing?” Luke wheezed.
“Yes, when did you start that up? Nobody else is coughing,” Lorelai pressed, concerned.
“Came from my lungs,” Luke shrugged. “Just another twist in this spectacular day, I guess. Been coughing for a while, now.”
“Hon, you need to go to the doctor,” Lorelai argued.
“I'm fine,” Luke sighed, burying his face in his pillow.
“No, you're not,” Lorelai retorted. “The babies are slowly getting better, and you're getting worse.”
“It's because I'm wallowing in Xander sick-making cooties,” Luke snarked.
“Shush,” Lorelai scolded. “You're going to the doctor, and that's final.”
“Damn it,” Luke muttered.
“Go call now,” Lorelai ordered, glaring at Luke.
Lorelai got up and helped Emily feed the twins and change diapers before they left. “You call me if you need anything, or if anyone starts getting worse,” Lorelai instructed as she shepherded Luke through the front door. They returned about an hour and a half later.
“What's the diagnosis?” Emily asked as Lorelai dragged Luke back into the house.
“Bronchitis,” Lorelai sighed. Luke sulkily held up a pharmacy bag as evidence.
“Oh dear,” Emily said sympathetically as Luke collapsed on the couch, coughing miserably.
“Poppy's even sicker,” Grace pouted.
“Yeah,” Luke rasped. “Yippee.”
“Poor Daddy,” Xander replied.
“Hey, look who's up on his feet,” Lorelai exclaimed. “How's your belly, Xan?”
“Okay,” Xander shrugged. He and Grace sat on the couch near Luke, slurping on popsicles.
“No puking?” Lorelai asked Emily hopefully.
“They haven't gotten sick since you've been gone,” Emily nodded. “I think you may be out of the woods.” Emily looked warily at Luke. “Mostly out of the woods, anyway.”
“I'm fine,” Luke hacked.
“And the twins?” Lorelai asked, peering at the twosome as they swung contentedly in their rockers.
“Just fine, now,” Emily replied. “Cuddled, diapered, and pacified.
“Oh my god,” Lorelai sighed, slumping into the nearest chair. “I didn't think we were going to survive this day.”
“I do believe you'll live to see another day,” Emily smiled.
“Maybe SHE will,” Luke groaned, slouching down in his seat with Grace and Xander snuggling up next to him.
“Do you need me to spend the night?” Emily asked, frowning at Luke as he was wracked with another bout of coughing.
“I think we will be fine, once the babies go to bed,” Lorelai murmured. “Big kids are recovering, little kids are mellowing out, seems like I only need to worry about Mr. Infected Lungs over here now.”
“I'm fine,” Luke moaned.
“Shush, you,” Lorelai scolded. “You're diseased. That means you're not fine.”
“I'll stay until everyone gets to bed at least,” Emily offered. “And if you need me tomorrow...”
“I may call you even if I don't need you, Mom,” Lorelai laughed. “I'm ready to build an altar to you in the kitchen. Make a burnt offering in your honor. Where's Miss Kitty at?” Lorelai joked.
“Don't be morbid, Lorelai,” Emily sighed.
“Okay, I won't,” Lorelai grinned. “But seriously, Mom?”
“Yes?” Emily asked.
“You're a lifesaver. I mean it. Thank you...for today,” Lorelai said sincerely.
“I'm glad I could be of help,” Emily smiled as Lorelai swept her into another hug.
Chapter 33: Is There A Doctor In The House?
Lorelai stumbled down the stairs, two empty bottles in her hand. She tiptoed through the darkened living room toward the kitchen, cringing as Luke emitted a series of loud, wet coughs in his sleep. She deposited the bottles into the sink and crept back into the living room. Luke was lying on the couch, his ragged breathing betraying his sickness. Lorelai leaned over and rested her hand gently on Luke's forehead, frowning at the warmth still emanating from him.
Luke stirred in his sleep at Lorelai's touch. “Babies?” he slurred sleepily.
“They're fine,” Lorelai whispered. “Fresh diapers, food in their bellies.”
“Sorry,” Luke rasped, coughing again.
“You're sick, it's fine,” Lorelai assured Luke, sitting on the floor next to the couch. “The twins were kind enough to assembly line their eating and pooing, so everything went smoothly.”
“I can help,” Luke offered weakly, shivering even though a film of sweat shined on his face.
“You can barely sit upright,” Lorelai frowned. “I don't like Sick Luke. He worries me too much.”
“Sorry,” Luke smiled. “It doesn't happen very often.”
“I don't think I've ever seen you sick as long as I've known you,” Lorelai mused. “Try not to let that happen again.”
“Okay,” Luke laughed, grimacing at the rattle in his chest.
“Ew,” Lorelai muttered. “That's disturbing.”
“Sorry if my gooey lungs offend you,” Luke snarked, yawning as Lorelai pulled his blanket up over his chest.
“I'll survive,” Lorelai shrugged, making sure Luke was tucked in. “You don't have to sleep down here, you know.”
“Too noisy,” Luke murmured as he closed his eyes. “I'll wake everyone up if I sleep upstairs.”
“I miss you,” Lorelai pouted. “Hurry up and get less cough-y. Need my snuggly hubby next to me.”
Luke nodded as he began to drift back to sleep. “I will,” he whispered.
“Night, Babe,” Lorelai whispered, kissing Luke's forehead before she rose and returned to bed.
Luke slept through the rest of the night, aided by the medications prescribed by his doctor. Luke finally began to be aware of noises around him, and sensed that it was morning. He frowned, eyes still closed as he tried to find the motivation to rouse himself. Luke's first partially coherent thought was that he felt as though he had a hangover. Luke tried to open his eyes, but was still trapped in the haze between sleep and awake and only succeeded in a fluttering of the eyelids. Luke sighed and rolled onto his side, ready to accept defeat, and he allowed himself to begin to drift back to sleep. Suddenly, he was confronted by harsh light. Luke tried to focus on the source of the light, but his vision was blurred by medication and fever.
“Huh?” Luke moaned as the harsh light persisted.
“Hi Daddy,” Xander said cheerfully, his nose almost touching Luke's nose.
“Hmm?” Luke grunted, trying to blink rapidly. He was unable to blink his eyelids, and stared at Xander, confused. Luke finally put two and two together. “Xan?” he whispered.
“Uh huh?” Xander asked, his head cocked to the side as he regarded his drowsy father.
“Leggo,” Luke grunted. “You're touching my eyeball.”
Xander removed his fingers from Luke's eyelids. Luke snapped his eyes shut. “Interesting wake up call,” Luke grunted. “It's more polite to let people open their eyes on their own, for the record.”
“You awake?” Xander asked, climbing up on Luke's belly.
“I am now,” Luke wheezed. “Watch it there, kid, can't breathe, and the gut is killing me.”
“Sorry,” Xander replied, sliding down to the edge of the couch cushion. “Yucky?” he queried.
“Still yucky,” Luke nodded, coughing loudly to emphasize the point.
“Be back,” Xander said, and disappeared from the couch.
“Hey, Baby, you up?” Lorelai asked, walking into the living room with a cup of coffee in her hand.
“Yup,” Luke sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Xander Standard Time must have kicked in.”
“Hey,” Lorelai shrugged. “I kept him at bay for an hour now. I'm only human.”
“Twins up?” Luke asked, looking over at the baby swings.
“Up and gone,” Lorelai smiled. “Took them to the babysitters for the day. Gracie's at school, so it's just you and me, kid, plus the spawn upstairs.”
“Your spawn just tried to poke my eyes out,” Luke groaned.
“It happens,” Lorelai beamed. “Want some tea?”
“Sure,” Luke sighed, pulling the blanket up over his head, as Lorelai went back out into the kitchen to brew the tea. He lay still as he listened to Xander pad softly down the stairs, hoping he'd be able to just fall back asleep without incident. It only took about ten seconds for Luke to realize the futility of that hope.
Xander walked up to Luke and yanked the blanket from Luke's face. “Hi Daddy,” Xander enthused, as though it was the first time he had seen Luke that morning.
“Hi, Xan,” Luke smiled wearily.
Xander picked something up from the floor and plopped it onto the coffee table.
“What do you have there?” Luke asked warily between coughs.
“A bag,” Xander murmured distractedly.
“A bag of what?” Luke grinned.
“Important things,” Xander explained, turning around to face Luke.
“Oh, man,” Luke laughed. Xander had brought his doctor play set downstairs. He stood before Luke, sliding on a head band with a reflective disk centered on his forehead. Xander solemnly picked up his toy stethoscope and inserted the buds into his ears.
“Do you take my insurance?” Luke chuckled as Xander snaked the stethoscope down Luke's shirt.
“Shh,” Xander hissed, frowning deeply.
“What's the diagnosis,” Luke whispered.
“You're deaded,” Xander gasped.
“How is that?” Luke snorted.
“No heart,” Xander explained.
“You're on the wrong side, ya goof,” Luke laughed, sliding the stethoscope into the correct location.
“Oh,” Xander breathed in relief. “There it is.”
“Think I'll make it?” Luke wheezed, coughing fitfully.
“Maybe,” Xander muttered. “Here,” he added, jamming a toy thermometer into Luke's mouth.
“Oof,” Luke grunted as Xander stabbed him under the tongue. Xander picked up another toy as Luke patiently waited for the thermometer to be removed, and began to inspect Luke's ears.
“You got hair,” Xander giggled.
“Im mah air?” Luke asked around the thermometer.
“Uh huh,” Xander snickered.
“Don tear yer mahm,” Luke grunted, winking at Xander. Xander pulled the thermometer out of Luke's mouth and studied it. “Twenty,” he nodded and stuck the thermometer back into his bag.
“Twenty?” Luke queried. “My temperature is twenty?”
“Yup,” Xander confirmed.
“No wonder I'm freezing,” Luke muttered. He watched warily as Xander pulled a small hammer out of the bag. “Watch it with that thing,” Luke growled.
Xander pushed the blanket away from Luke's leg and tapped his father's knee.
“Ow,” Luke yelped. “That's my bum leg, you bully.”
“It's fine,” Xander retorted.
“That you're beating me with a Fisher Price weapon, or my reflexes are fine?” Luke sighed.
“Knee is good,” Xander clarified.
“Thank god,” Luke groaned.
“Need a shot,” Xander said sadly, pulling out a fat plastic syringe.
“Goody,” Luke replied, wincing as Xander poked him in the arm. “That thing's kind of sharp,” Luke frowned. “I'm taking a file to that.”
“You're sick,” Xander scolded. “Can't work.”
“Hence the sleeping on the couch,” Luke reminded Xander.
“Stay there,” Xander instructed, pulling something out of the bag. “Take these,” he continued. “This is medicine.”
“Medicine?” Luke asked, holding out his hand. Xander pulled out a tube of M&Ms, shaking a handful into Luke's palm. Luke grimaced, wondering how old the candy must be, and dutiful popped them in his mouth.
“Better?” Xander asked expectantly.
“Much,” Luke gagged, trying to swallow the stale candies.
“What are you two doing?” Lorelai asked, carrying a cup of tea.
“Playing doctor,” Xander explained, packing up his equipment.
“House call,” Luke shrugged, trying to sit upright. “Thanks,” he murmured, taking the tea from Lorelai.
“I”m going to walk down to meet Gracie, she's walking home with Alicia and her mom,” Lorelai asked.
“We'll be fine,” Luke nodded as Lorelai grabbed her coat.
“Be back in a couple minutes,” Lorelai replied, kissing Luke's forehead, and heading out the door.
“Gracie's coming home,” Xander sang. “Get to eat lunch soon.”
“Grace signifies food to you, huh?” Luke asked.
“Want a sammich,” Xander nodded, sitting next to Luke.
Luke grabbed the remote control and turned on the television set. He flipped through the channels, and cringed as he lingered too long on a channel due to a coughing spell.
“Thomas!” Xander cheered. “Toot toot!”
“Guess we're watching the train,” Luke sighed, slouching down in his seat. Xander laid his head down in Luke's lap and watched Thomas The Tank Engine, enraptured. Luke watched the show quietly, trying not to fall asleep before Lorelai got back.
“I'm home!” Grace screeched as she bounded into the house.
“Sammiches!” Xander bellowed happily.
“Hi Poppy,” Grace squealed, hurling herself into Luke's arms. “Still yucky?”
“Still,” Luke smiled, kissing Grace on the top of her head. “Good day in school?”
“I'm going to whip up some lunch,” Lorelai announced. “Come on Xander, help me make some sammiches.”
“Yay!” Xander cried, and ran after Lorelai as she made her way into the kitchen.
“Kid likes his sammiches,” Luke shrugged.
“Look what I made, Poppy,” Grace said, pulling a paper out of her book bag.
“Wow,” Luke replied, staring quizzically at Grace's artwork. “What the hell is that?”
“Heck,” Grace corrected automatically.
“What the heck is that?” Luke rephrased.
“It's a snowflake,” Grace sighed.
“Oh,” Luke said. “It looked kind of like a Rorschach test. But I see the snowflake now. Pretty.”
“And this,” Grace continued, producing a piece of poster board.
“Macaroni art,” Luke smiled. “Very sophisticated.”
“It's a ballerina,” Grace explained.
“But if you turn it this way, it looks like a water buffalo,” Luke teased.
“Stop it, Poppy,” Grace groaned.
Luke shrugged apologetically as he covered his mouth and coughed. “Sorry,” he croaked.
“And I made these,” Grace carried on, pulling out two more sheets of paper.
“What are these?” Luke asked.
“We read a story about grandpas and grandmas, so we drew pictures of our grandpas and grandmas,” Grace explained. “That's us at Grammy and Gramp's house.”
“What are we doing?” Luke asked, trying to decipher the crayon strokes.
“Friday night dinner,” Grace sighed wearily. “See the cake?”
“I do see it,” Luke nodded. “Sorry, bronchitis makes your eyesight go funny.”
“Nuh uh,” Grace argued.
“What's this picture?” Luke asked.
“That's Grandma and Grandpa Danes and you and Aunt Lizzie camping,” Grace explained. “I made it up. 'Cause I don't know what they look like. But you said you went camping sometimes.”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded, smiling sadly at the picture. “Is Grandpa wearing a baseball cap?”
“Uh huh,” Grace nodded.
“Why?” Luke laughed.
“'Cause Mommy said you look like Grandpa,” Grace replied. “So he must wear baseball caps, too.”
“Good logic,” Luke snorted.
“Was Grandma pretty?” Grace asked.
“Yep,” Luke smiled. “Prettiest mom in the whole, wide world. Tied with your mom for the title, naturally.”
“Did I make her pretty?” Grace frowned.
Luke looked at the picture. “I think you made her just as pretty as I remember her,” he whispered.
“Good,” Grace said with relief. “I was worried.”
“I'll show you some pictures when I get better,” Luke replied. “You did a good job. This is my favorite picture.”
“Thanks,” Grace beamed.
“Grace,” Lorelai yelled from the kitchen. “Get out here and eat before I give your sammich to Paul Anka!”
“Coming,” Grace shouted. “Bye, Poppy,” she said, kissing Luke on the cheek.
“I'm sure we'll meet again sometime soon,” Luke laughed, laying back down on the couch as Grace scurried into the kitchen.
Lorelai walked out into the living room. “Do you want some soup or something, Babe?” she asked.
“Nah,” Luke grunted. “Not very hungry right now.”
Lorelai picked up one of Grace's pictures. “Got a kindergarten version of a slide show, huh?”
“Yep,” Luke sighed. “Know what that is?”
“Ink blot test?” Lorelai grinned.
“Damn,” Luke muttered. “I really AM starting to think like you. It's a snowflake. I'll give you the chance to score bonus points with that knowledge.”
“Why, thank you,” Lorelai laughed. “Better go back and monitor the spawn. God only knows where Xander will manage to shove the peanut butter without proper supervision.
“Hey,” Luke interjected before Lorelai left the room.
“What?” Lorelai asked, turning back to face Luke.
“Those kids of yours?” he began.
“What about them?” Lorelai asked, narrowing her eyes.
“They're pretty damn cool, you know that?” Luke smiled.
“I know,” Lorelai nodded. “Weird, but cool. Take a nap while you can, Cool Hand.”
“Roger that,” Luke grunted, and flung the blanket back over his head.
Chapter 34: Friday Night Fights
“Stop that,” Luke muttered, pushing Sam's hand away from his face.
“Mmm,” Sam scowled, bouncing in her high chair and sticking her spoon back in front of Luke's face.
“No,” Luke insisted. “I really don't want a bite.”
“Mmmm,” Sam growled, louder this time. She shook her spoon at Luke, dropping a noodle onto Luke's leg.
Luke pushed her hand away gently once more. “Eat it yourself,” he hissed. “It's good, I swear.”
“Da!” Drew screeched, feeling left out. He squished a handful of cut up spaghetti tightly in his fist and smacked Luke in the face, missing Luke's mouth by a mile.
“Aw, geez,” Luke muttered, grabbing his napkin and wiping off his cheek. “I don't want spaghetti, take a hint, you guys.”
“Stop picking on your Daddy,” Lorelai grinned. “He has his own dinner to work on.”
“Mumm!” Sam squealed, pushing her bowl haphazardly toward Lorelai.
“Nooo, thank you,” Lorelai replied, pushing the bowl back toward Sam. “That's your food. Nummy!”
“Uck,” Sam frowned, smashing her palm down into the bowl.
“Oh my,” Emily murmured. “They are being downright obstinate this evening.”
“Dat?” Drew asked, shaking a noodle off of his hand and onto the floor. He bent over the side of his high chair, contemplating the lost pasta. “Dat?” he asked again, sitting up and frowning at Luke.
“It's spaghetti, dummy,” Grace sighed.
“Yeah, busghetti, dummy,” Xander chimed in.
“Don't call your brother and sister names,” Lorelai said.
“I just said that,” Grace said grumpily.
“I just said that,” Xander beamed, slurping at his cup of milk.
“Stop it,” Grace warned.
“Stop it,” Xander parroted.
“Children, we're eating,” Richard reminded the pair. “Remember your table manners.”
“He started it,” Grace sulked.
“He started it,” Xander giggled.
“Cut it out, both of you,” Luke growled, redirecting Sam's spoon back to her bowl and away from his nose.
“Xander is a big poophead,” Grace spat.
“Xander is a big...hey!” Xander yelled.
“One more word, and no dessert,” Lorelai said loudly. “Chill out, guys.”
Grace and Xander glowered at each other silently.
“And keep those lips zipped,” Luke added sternly.
“Uck!” Sam cried and dumped her bowl of cut up spaghetti on top of her head.
“Crap,” Lorelai muttered, grabbing a napkin and peeling the sticky noodles out of Sam's hair.
Drew chortled at his twin sister's display and grabbed his own dish.
“Don't even think about it, Doo,” Luke yelped, grabbing Drew's bowl and holding it down against the tray of the high chair.
“Daa!” Drew admonished grumpily.
“That's right,” Luke nodded. “And don't you forget it, kid.”
“Grace, how is school going?” Emily asked, raising her voice to be heard above the din.
“Alexander William Danes, you put that broccoli down,” Lorelai scolded. Xander lowered the piece of broccoli he was holding over his head in a manner that suggested that it was about to become a projectile. “Sorry, Mom,” Lorelai muttered.
“You'd better be planning on eating that, and not doing anything else with that,” Luke warned, pointing a butter knife at Xander.
“He just kicked me!” Grace howled.
“Did not,” Xander retorted.
“He just kicked me,” Grace wailed. “Poppy, he...”
“Lower your voice,” Luke ordered, pointing the butter knife at Grace this time.
“Ornery,” Emily smirked. “Every one of them. Ornery.”
“You're loving this,” Lorelai whispered, smirking back at Emily despite herself.
“I know I am enjoying it immensely,” Richard replied, his eyes twinkling. “Lorelai as a child, multiplied by four. Poetic justice, if I do say so myself.”
“She couldn't have been this evil,” Luke sighed, grabbing Sam's sippy cup as she tried to hurl it at Drew.
“Herdmans,” Lorelai gasped. “We've given birth to the Herdmans.”
“Who?” Emily queried.
“Herdmans,” Lorelai explained. “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.”
“I have no clue what that is,” Emily frowned.
“They're worse than the Herdmans tonight,” Luke grouched, pulling a noodle out of Drew's ear. “They've crossed the line into being worse than the Bumpuses' dogs.”
“Keep an eye on the turkey,” Lorelai nodded.
“Turkey?” Richard asked, confused.
“I have to pee, Poppy,” Grace announced.
“That's not how you say that,” Luke replied, exasperated.
“May I be please excused to have to go pee?” Grace blurted out, too caught up in her suddenly urgent need to phrase her request more sophisticatedly.
“Oh my god, go...just go,” Luke groaned, burying his face in his hands. Grace rolled out of her seat and fled for the nearest bathroom.
“I don't like this chicken stuff, it's slimy,” Xander pouted, stabbing his chicken with a fork.
“Stop being so rude,” Lorelai moaned. “The pack of wolves who raised you called last night, they said to tell you 'Hey!' if I saw you.”
Sam rubbed her eye with her sauce covered hand and began to cry. “Aw, Sam I Am, did you get spaghetti in your eye?” Lorelai cooed, wiping Sam's face with a napkin. Drew fumbled his sippy cup and it dropped to the floor, prompting him to wail along with Sam.
“Loud babies,” Xander moaned, putting his hands over is ears.
“I'm back!” Grace announced, skipping back into the dining room.
“We were about to send out search parties,” Richard nodded.
“Just remember, you planned these babies,” Emily chuckled as Grace and Xander began to fight again.
“Stop it, Xander,” Grace yelped as Xander stuck his finger in Grace's face.
“Wet Willy!” Xander cried, aiming for Grace's ear.
“Enough!” Luke bellowed, loudly smacking his hands down onto the table.
All four children immediately grew silent.
“That's more like it,” Luke nodded. He picked up his butter knife. “Grace Lynn, you zip it,” Luke said quietly.
“But...” Grace began.
“Zip it!” Luke said loudly. Grace closed her mouth.
“And you, Alexander William, you dry off that finger, and you start behaving like you've been house broken,” Luke growled. Xander wrapped his finger in his napkin and dried it off quickly.
Sam whimpered slightly. Luke turned and faced the girl. “Samantha Emily, quit your pouting right now, and eat your durn spaghetti,” he instructed. Sam picked up a noodle and put it in her mouth, staring at Luke suspiciously the entire time. Luke turned toward Drew. “And finally, you, Andrew Lucas, you quit sticking your food in your ear. And stop fussing. There's starving babies in Africa, or the Congo or something who would be more than happy to have your spaghetti, both of you,” Luke growled, looking back at Sam pointedly. “The rest of this meal will be peaceful, do you all understand me?”
“Oh,” Sam whispered, quickly grabbing another handful of spaghetti and stuffing it into her mouth when Luke turned around to look at her.
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “Don't mess with the Daddy.”
“Wow,” Lorelai whispered reverently. “Big Bad Daddy Luke has spoken.”
Luke nodded. “Eat your food,” he muttered. “No way of telling how long it'll stick.”
“Well,” Emily sighed. “Now might be a good time to discuss something with the two of you, while the inmates aren't so restless.”
“Make it quick,” Lorelai smirked. “The meds may wear off before long.”
“Your anniversary is coming up soon,” Emily pointed out.
“Yep,” Lorelai smiled. “Another year that Luke didn't run off and join a circus.”
“You have your own ready made circus right here,” Richard chuckled.
“Nope, “Luke shook his head. “A circus would be quieter. More relaxing.”
“Do you have plans?” Emily asked.
“Not really,” Lorelai replied.
“Dinner, movie, the usual,” Luke shrugged. “The twins are still too young for us to stray too far from town.”
“Richard and I would like to give you a particular anniversary gift,” Emily continued warily.
“Really?” Lorelai asked. “Aw, Mom, you guys don't have to do anything.”
“We want to,” Richard smiled.
“That's really great,” Luke nodded, “But really, you don't...”
“Just hear us out,” Emily interrupted.
“Okay,” Luke replied.
“We thought it would be nice to treat you two to a weekend away,” Richard explained.
“Huh?” Lorelai asked.
“We've reserved a house for you for your anniversary weekend,” Emily beamed. “Martha's Vineyard. Just you and Luke. What do you think about the idea?”
“Oh, my god,” Lorelai gasped. “Are you serious?”
“We can't accept that,” Luke argued. “That's too...it's really generous, but we...”
“Nonsense,” Richard replied. “Don't be so stubborn, Luke, we just want to do something nice for our daughter and her husband.”
“Are you... are you sure?” Luke asked. “But what about the kids? I don't know if we can find anyone...”
“They can stay with us,” Emily explained. “I promise, no formal parties. I've already given up all hope that Grace will ever carry herself like a lady, and Xander, quite frankly, behaves like a baboon on his best days.”
Xander giggled at the mention of his baboonish ways. Luke shot him a warning glare and Xander quickly quieted down.
“It's true, he does act like a baboon,” Lorelai whispered to Luke. Luke only rolled his eyes in agreement.
“Perhaps we'll take them to the zoo, and see if Xander recognizes any simians,” Richard laughed.
“The zoo!” Grace whispered, avoiding Luke's stare, and covering her mouth with her hand.
“Lorelai? Luke? What do you think?” Emily pressed.
“I think...I think it sounds awesome,” Lorelai grinned. “What do you think, Luke?”
“I think the same thing,” Luke smiled. “Thank you. It's too much, but thank you.”
“Wonderful!” Emily exclaimed. “Oh, I can't wait to show you the pictures of the house. It's lovely, and it's right on the beach. I'm sure you'll love it.”
“Me too,” Lorelai grinned. “Thanks, guys, you have no idea how amazing it will be to have a whole weekend alone with Luke. I don't remember the last time we had a whole ten minutes alone together.”
“Alone?” Luke mused. “What's that like again?”
“I think it's quiet. And peaceful. And there's no spaghetti to be pulled from tiny orifices,” Lorelai explained.
“No Blue's Clues?” Luke asked.
“No drool stains on our shirts,” Lorelai added.
“No diapers,” Luke smiled.
“No crusty noses,” Lorelai laughed.
“No screaming,” Luke sighed.
“No crying,” Lorelai gasped.
“Did I say thank you?” Luke grinned. “Because...well, thank you...a million times, thank you.”
“It's our pleasure,” Richard smiled.
“Wow,” Lorelai breathed. “A real anniversary. What are we even going to do with ourselves?”
Luke grinned at Lorelai, arching an eyebrow at her.
Lorelai giggled. “Oh, right.”
Luke shook his head. “Can't get here quick enough,” he smiled.
“Oh my god, I can't wait,” Lorelai said excitedly. “Mom, you are still my new best friend, you know that?”
Emily smiled at Lorelai. “Remember that when I end up in the hospital suffering from a nervous breakdown after a whole weekend with your children.”
“I'll bring you flowers,” Lorelai promised. “And a designer straitjacket.”
“I can hardly wait,” Emily sighed, rolling her eyes.
“Oh, I have to go shopping,” Lorelai gasped. “I need Vineyard clothing.”
“Like you need an excuse to go shopping,” Luke grunted as he cleaned up Drew.
“Well, no, but still,” Lorelai laughed. “Yay! A whole weekend.”
“Guess I'd better dig up my back country bag now,” Luke grinned.
“No flannel,” Lorelai scolded.
“No coffee,” Luke countered.
“Oh no,” Lorelai argued, wiping the spaghetti off Sam's face. “Okay, a little flannel then.”
Xander sneezed loudly and wiped his nose on his sleeve, snuffling wetly.
“Gross,” Grace squealed.
“Come on, Martha's Vineyard,” Luke sighed.
“From your lips to God's ears,” Lorelai laughed.
Chapter 35: Cool Hand's Cool Hands
“Wow,” Lorelai whispered.
“Nice,” Luke nodded
“Quiet,” Lorelai breathed.
“Besides the waves? Yeah. Quiet.”
“We're all alone,” Lorelai sighed.
“Most people do tend to leave when the sun goes down,” Luke noted.
“We just got here.”
“Never been on a beach at night.”
“We have to make the most of every second, this weekend,” Lorelai murmured.
“Two whole days.” Luke sighed happily as he lounged back, propping himself up with his arms behind him.
“You, me, and one giant bed.”
“What are we going to do in a bed that huge?” Luke asked, flashing Lorelai a lopsided grin.
“Sleep. At least for tonight. Let's be honest, the minute we hit that bed, we're going comatose.”
“Sleeping in tomorrow, too,” Luke planned.
“But tomorrow...”
“Tomorrow? Many dirty things will happen in that bed,” Luke laughed.
“No interruptions,” Lorelai sighed.
“No locking the door.”
“No keeping our voices down.”
“Unscheduled sex. What's that like, again?” Luke asked.
“Spontaneity. I vaguely remember that,” Lorelai nodded.
“Four kids can really squash the spontaneous bug.”
“Do you miss it?” Lorelai asked.
“Sex? Yes. Very much so.”
“No, pervert. The spontaneity,” Lorelai groaned, smacking Luke's arm.
“Sometimes,” Luke admitted.
“Are you bored with me?”
“What?”
“All the mystery is gone,” Lorelai explained. “I'm not the super cute ray of sunshine who used to skip into the diner every day asking for coffee, then vanish, leaving only a pleasant smelling trail of 'girl mystique' behind. You've witnessed too much. PMS, cramps, bloating, bitchiness, mood swings, influenza, yeast infections, razor burn, wisdom tooth extraction, winter itch rashes, childbirth, breast leakage, breast pumps, flatulence, the list goes on and on. And on top of it all, you've watched me dig boogers out of our kids' noses.”
“And sometimes, their hair,” Luke nodded.
“Kind of kills the romance, that's all I'm saying.”
“We're married,” Luke shrugged. “You've seen my nose hair clippers.”
“Yeah, still kind of blows my mind, sometimes,” Lorelai smiled.
“The marriage thing or the nose hair clippers?”
“Both. But mostly the marriage thing,” Lorelai laughed. “So, any regrets?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “Should have done it sooner.”
“Good answer,” Lorelai exclaimed.
“I've learned a thing or two over the years.”
“Like how to suck up?”
“It's a skill worth honing.”
“It suits you,” Lorelai replied.
“Thanks.”
“This is fun,” Lorelai smiled.
“What? Sitting on the beach in the dark, with wet sand creeping into our underpants?
“Us,” Lorelai groaned. “It's fun. Marriage, kids. It's fun. I didn't think it would suit me. But it does. I like us married.”
“It has its moments.”
“You're a good father. And a good husband.”
“Thanks. You're pretty tolerable as a wife, yourself. And you haven't let any of the kids eat rat poison yet, so I guess you're a pretty good mother, too.”
“You're getting even more sarcastic as the years progress.”
“It's a defense mechanism,” Luke grinned. “But, for the record, I love you. No regrets.”
“I love you too, you old fart.”
“Appreciate it.”
“I'm really impressed with the fact that you've only ever lost one kid,” Lorelai smirked.
“Damn it, I thought we were done throwing that in my face,” Luke scowled.
“Sorry,” Lorelai giggled.
“You stepped on Xander's head.”
“He was camouflaged. He blended in with the rug.”
“He's a chameleon now? You stepped on his head. What company manufactures Xander print carpeting?”
“He survived,” Lorelai argued.
“A little brain damage never hurt anyone,” Luke nodded.
“I'm sleepy, are you sleepy?” Lorelai yawned.
“Trying to change the subject?”
“Let's go to bed,” Lorelai decided, standing up.
“Fine, we'll go to bed,” Luke grinned as Lorelai pulled him to his feet.
“Gimp,” Lorelai sighed.
“Abusive mother.”
“Child abandoner.”
“Shut up,” Luke laughed.
“Shutting up now,” Lorelai giggled as Luke wrapped his arm around her shoulder. They walked back to the house in silence.
“Pretty anniversary house,” Lorelai smiled as they walked through the glass doors overlooking the beach.
“Pretty snazzy,” Luke agreed, limping a little as they walked through the living room.
“Leg hurt?” Lorelai asked.
“Walking in the sand isn't my leg's idea of a good time,” Luke shrugged.
“I really like the fireplace,” Lorelai smiled as they climbed the stairs. “Remember to set aside some dirty fireplace time this weekend.”
“Duly noted,” Luke grinned.
“I'm going to take a bath,” Lorelai decided as they entered the bedroom. “A nice bath that doesn't include Spiderman shampoo bottles jumping out at me.” Lorelai wandered into the bathroom and turned on the bath water. Luke laid down on the bed, groaning contentedly as he sank into the plush comforter.
Luke had just begun to drift off to sleep when Lorelai bounded back out into the bedroom. “Babe, you have got to come check out this bath. It's huge. It's like a swimming pool. And it has jets.”
“Jets?” Luke murmured. “No Sharks?”
“Take that lousy joke back before I start singing the Officer Krupkee song,” Lorelai retorted.
“Fine, I take it back,” Luke sighed. “A bath is a bath, you know.”
“Get in here and check it out,” Lorelai sighed, returning to the bathroom.
Luke slowly pulled himself to his feet and padded into the bathroom. Lorelai had candles lit around the sunken in bathtub. “Wow, it really is huge.”
“I told you,” Lorelai said. “You should take a bath with me.”
“Seriously?” Luke groaned. “It smells like fruit in here. I don't want to smell fruity.”
“Fine, I'll take a bath. I don't really have the desire to slide my wet, supple body all over your frontal areas anyway,” Lorelai shrugged as she discarded her bathrobe and tested the water with her toe.
“Hold up,” Luke grunted as he began to loosen his belt. “I can deal with fruity.”
“Thought so,” Lorelai grinned. “Get in first, stud.”
Luke shed his clothing and stepped into the bathtub. “Hot,” he hissed as he sat back against the wall.
“Oh, yeah, baby,” Lorelai giggled as she stepped in, eased herself into a sitting position, and leaned against Luke. “Mmm, now this is living.”
Luke closed his eyes as Lorelai lay her head back against his shoulder. “Okay, I really like this bathtub,” he decided.
“Want the jets?” Lorelai asked.
Luke shrugged. “Sure, why not?”
Lorelai leaned forward and turned on the streams of water.
“Wow,” Luke gasped as Lorelai repositioned herself. “Wow, that really is working for me,” he groaned, sliding down a little further into the hot water.
“Leg?” Lorelai asked.
“My hip is having its own independent orgasm as we speak,” Luke sighed.
“Dirty!” Lorelai laughed. “Not fair, tell your hip to share.”
“A few more minutes of this, and it'll be able to share without any hint of gimpiness,” Luke laughed.
“Yay for jets,” Lorelai smiled, picking up a bath puff and squeezing some shower gel on it.
“Oh, goody, more fruitiness,” Luke groaned.
Lorelai slid down a little and extended her leg, rubbing the foaming puff over her calf. “Mind if I wash up?” she asked.
Luke groaned as he watched Lorelai slowly lather her leg. “Scrub all you want,” he muttered. Lorelai switched legs, pressing up against Luke as she redistributed her weight. Luke bit his lip as Lorelai slid against him.
Lorelai sat up. Luke frowned. “Where are you going?” he whispered.
“Just making sure I'm squeaky clean,” Lorelai murmured. She reached around to take the shower gel bottle in her hand again. Luke's breath caught in his chest as he caught a glimpse of Lorelai's breast as she turned around to place the bottle on the ledge beside her. Lorelai began to lather her arms with the puff, and Luke could only stare at her back, absorbed in her movements. She silently handed Luke the puff, and he very slowly washed her back for her, running the puff up her spine. She lifted her hair so Luke could reach her neck. Lorelai leaned back against Luke again, sliding herself upright against him. Luke sighed happily at the contact.
“Time for the front now,” Lorelai whispered, snaking her arms up over her head and around Luke's neck.
“Shouldn't use a dirty puff,” Luke grunted, grabbing the shower gel and squirting a dollop into his hand.
“Have to be sanitary,” Lorelai nodded.
Luke rubbed the soap into a lather in his hand and reached around Lorelai. He planted his hands on her ribs and slowly began to slide his hands upward.
“Make sure you get me really clean,” Lorelai advised.
“Won't leave a trace of dirt,” Luke promised gruffly as he slid his soapy hands along the underside of Lorelai's breasts. Lorelai moaned softly as Luke explored her breasts with his hands, moving them over her swells and up toward her chest.
“We need to get a bigger bath at home,” Lorelai whispered, squirming as Luke repeatedly cupped her breasts and slid his hands closed until his fingers slid over her nipples, tweaking them gently as he released his hold.
“All clean?” Luke whispered in Lorelai's ears.
“Not yet,” she gasped as Luke began to trace circles around her erect nipples with his soapy fingers.
“I think I like your fruity soap,” Luke growled, engulfing Lorelai's breasts with his hands and squeezing gently.
“Uh huh,” Lorelai gasped. Luke continued to run one hand over Lorelai's breasts as he slowly slid his other hand between Lorelai's legs.
“Dirty down here too?” he whispered as slid his fingers between her folds.
“Very dirty,” Lorelai breathed as Luke pressed his finger to her clit and began to trace circles.
Luke moved his other hand to Lorelai's left nipple, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. Lorelai gasped at the sensation the slippery bubbles added to Luke's ministrations.. Luke released her and slid his hand to her right nipple, repeating the motion. Lorelai moaned, raising her hips as Luke's other hand continued to stimulate her.
“Still sleepy?” Luke murmured as Lorelai's hips undulated against his busy hand.
Lorelai shook her head. “Wide awake,” she panted. “Oh my god, Luke...”
“More?” Luke asked.
Lorelai nodded. “More,” she breathed.
Luke slid Lorelai up his body as he sank down into the water a little more, allowing him better access. Luke slid his right hand further down and slowly inserted his finger into Lorelai.
“Luke,” Lorelai gasped as he began to thrust inside of her with first one finger, then two. Luke allowed his left hand to wander to Lorelai's clit, stroking her on the outside as he penetrated her with the other hand.
“Oh god,” Lorelai wailed, thrusting against Luke's hands.
“Going to come for me?” Luke rasped in Lorelai's ear, before he began to suck fervently on her earlobe.
“Yess,” Lorelai hissed, overcome by Luke's manipulations. “Oh my god,” she moaned as she felt herself begin to clench against Luke's fingers. “I'm going to...Luke...I'm coming,” she gasped as Luke thrust harder with his right hand, stroking her clit more insistently with his left.
“Come for me, Lorelai,” Luke growled. “I want to feel you come.”
“Oh god, Luke!” Lorelai wailed, lost in the clutches of her intense climax. She thrashed against Luke, pushing her head back into his shoulder as she let her orgasm take over.
“God, I can feel it,” Luke moaned, grinding his erection into Lorelai's back. “I can feel you coming, Lorelai.”
“Luke...Luke...Luke,” Lorelai chanted, as she felt herself throb against Luke's hands. “God, I love you,” she moaned collapsing against Luke as she finally regained her senses.
Luke gently rubbed Lorelai's shoulders as she laid against him limply. “You okay there?” he grinned.
Lorelai nodded. “Love this bathtub,” she smiled, running her hand languidly up Luke's thigh.
Lorelai sat up and turned around between Luke's legs, leaning on her knees. Luke closed his eyes as Lorelai reached below the surface of the water and began to stroke Luke. “Good bathtub,” he groaned.
“And I have a whole new respect for the name 'Cool Hand',” Lorelai murmured. She stood up long enough to straddle Luke.
“Watcha doing?” Luke grinned.
“Fair's fair,” Lorelai smiled as she slid herself against Luke's erection. “Are YOU sleepy?”
“Not in the least,” Luke gasped as Lorelai positioned his hardness at her entrance and slid down, engulfing Luke inside of her. “Jeeesus,” Luke moaned as Lorelai began to ride him slowly.
“See? We can still do spontaneous,' Lorelai moaned as she quickened her pace. Luke sat up higher, pulling Lorelai into a crushing kiss.
“Love being inside of you,” he moaned against Lorelai's lips. Luke thrust his tongue into Lorelai's mouth, probing frantically.
“Love you inside of me,” Lorelai gasped as Luke freed her lips and buried his face in her neck, licking and biting the soft flesh beneath her ear. Lorelai rotated her hips, using the bathtub ledge for support.
“Oh, crap,” Luke moaned, collapsing back against the wall. “That's just...that's just...oh my god,” he panted as Lorelai continued to swivel her hips rhythmically.
“Like that?” Lorelai grinned. Luke could only nod. He grasped Lorelai's hips, moaning deeply.
“I'm not going to last long with you doing that,” Luke pleaded.
“That's okay,” Lorelai murmured, feeling herself building toward another climax. “Oh god...uh...we have...Jesus, we have all weekend.”
“All weekend,” Luke growled, thrusting up powerfully into Lorelai. “This is just Round One.”
“Oh yeah,” Lorelai rasped as Luke continued to thrust up into her, quickening his pace. “Oh, Luke,” she moaned.
“Fuck me,” Luke whispered, sliding his hands from Lorelai's waist back toward her ass. “Fuck me, Lorelai,” he pleaded, squeezing her soft skin.
Lorelai leaned forward slightly and planted her hands on Luke's shoulders. She began to ride Luke hard, moaning as she drove herself and Luke both into ecstasy. “Luke,” she wailed. “God, Luke, come with me, Babe,” she pleaded.
“Lorelai,” Luke growled, meeting Lorelai's thrusts with his own deep, upward plunges. “God, Lorelai, I'm coming, are you with me?”
“Luke,” Lorelai cried out, feeling herself clamp down on Luke's cock. “God, I'm coming, oh god, oh god...”
“Jesus,” Luke panted. “Jesus, Lorelai, you're so hot, it's so hot, oh god..” he growled as he felt Lorelai's inner walls clamps onto his pulsating cock. Luke cried out incoherently and thrust wildly up into Lorelai as he exploded within her. Lorelai threw her head back and moaned loudly as Luke chanted her name.
“God,” Lorelai gasped, collapsing, spent, against Luke.
“Uh huh,” Luke panted.
Lorelai kissed Luke lightly on the lips. “Happy Anniversary, Hon,” she grinned.
“Happy Anniversary,” Luke chuckled.
“Sleepy yet?” Lorelai asked.
“Sleepy,” Luke yawned, splashing water at Lorelai.
Lorelai stretched out in the water, trying to summon the energy to get out of the bathtub. “You know what's really great?” she asked, playing with Luke's damp chest hair.
“What's that?” Luke murmured.
“It's only Friday night,” Lorelai giggled. “Just think what we could do with the rest of the weekend.”
“Trust me,” Luke laughed. “I've got plenty of ideas.”
Chapter 36: Sleeping In
“Oh my god,” Lorelai gasped, bolting upright in bed. She looked around in confusion, letting out a forceful breath of air as she oriented herself. Lorelai put her hand over her chest, rolling her eyes at the wild thumping beneath her breast.
“Huh? What?” Luke mumbled, pushing himself up on his elbows. “What's wrong?” he asked, one eye squinted shut.
“Nothing,” Lorelai sighed. “Never mind. I was a little disoriented,” she explained, flopping back onto the bed. “It's 9:30. I woke up and it was 9:30, and nobody was crying.”
“9:30?” Luke asked, rolling over onto his back. “Wow. So this is what sleeping in feels like.”
“I like sleeping in,” Lorelai smiled, laying her head on Luke's chest. “Let's give the kids up for adoption, do this every day.”
“Okay,” Luke nodded. “And we'll sell the diner and the inn, start our new lives as swinging slackers. No worries.”
“We'll move to a tiny hut in the Bahamas,” Lorelai fantasized. “We'll sleep in there. In hammocks.”
“In the Bahamas,” Luke yawned.
“We'll have a cabana boy, naturally,” Lorelai noted.
“Why?” Luke asked.
“To serve us all the liquor we'll be drinking after we sleep in.”
“What about a cabana girl, too?” Luke sighed.
“Why would we need a cabana boy and a cabana girl?” Lorelai frowned.
“Eye candy,” Luke smirked.
“I'm supposed to be the only eye candy you need, at least until death us do part,” Lorelai snarked.
“Fine, no cabana girl. But you have to promise to be naked a lot. Ooh, wait, you have to promise to wear a sarong, and nothing else. A really flimsy sarong,” Luke replied.
“Even in front of the cabana boy?”
“No cabana girl, no cabana boy. It's only fair,” Luke compromised.
“And will you be naked a lot?” Lorelai laughed.
“I'll wear a strategically placed fig leaf,” Luke offered.
“Better be a big fig leaf,” Lorelai grinned, nuzzling Luke's cheek with her nose.
“Don't I know it,” Luke sighed, pulling Lorelai closer.
“Cocky,” Lorelai gasped
“I'll show you cocky,” Luke chuckled, kissing Lorelai.
“Dirty!” Lorelai laughed as Luke nipped his way up her jawline.
“That was my point,” Luke growled, catching Lorelai's earlobe between his teeth.
“Dirty again!” Lorelai giggled.
Luke flopped back against his pillow. “Have I mentioned how great it is not having to change diapers this morning?”
“It's been well over twelve hours since either of us have had to deal with poo,” Lorelai pointed out.
“Or drool,” Luke added.
“Only eighteen more years to go,” Lorelai noted, kissing Luke's shoulder.
“You really think the twins are still going to be crapping in their pants at their high school graduation?” Luke asked quizzically.
“Maybe not,” Lorelai admitted. “Not sure if they'll have the drool under control by then, though.”
“We'll invest in tissues,” Luke decided. “Keep them in steady supply.”
“Should I feel bad about the fact that I'm really happy you got snipped?” Lorelai asked.
“Yes.”
“I'm a bad mother.”
“The worst.”
“Are you sorry you got snipped?” Lorelai asked.
“I'm sorry I had to experience the snipping process. It still gives me the willies,” Luke shuddered. “But the concept behind it? Nah. I'm pretty satisfied with the family we've got.”
“No secret desire to have more?”
“We've done our part for the species. Six kids is more than enough,” Luke shrugged.
“At least Rory and April turned out well,” Lorelai said. “There's hope for the rest of the herd.”
“Rory and April have the benefit of not having to swim in the deep end of our gene pool,” Luke muttered. “The rest of the herd, they're drowning in our mutual weirdness.”
“Good point,” Lorelai nodded. “Hey, let's stop talking shop. We're on a vacation. Sort of, anyway. For the next two days, we are only two grown, consenting adults in a big house by the big ocean, with a big bed just waiting for us to do all kinds of grown up things.”
“No more kid talk,” Luke agreed.
“Good,” Lorelai smiled. “Here's the remote. I”m going to go take a quick shower, then maybe we can go out and find a nice diner and get some brunch.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Luke replied, turning on the tv and settling back into bed.
“Good. Be back in a jiff.”
Luke waited until he heard Lorelai start her shower. He sat up, pulled his cell phone out of the nightstand drawer, and walked out onto the balcony, checking to see that Lorelai was still in the bathroom. He walked away from the door and began to dial.
“Hello?”
“Emily? Hi, this is Luke.”
“Luke? Is anything wrong? Why are you calling?”
“Nothing's wrong, just, uh...checking in. How are the kids? Behaving?”
“They're just fine. They're on their best behavior.”
“That'll only last until about five minutes after you leave the zoo.”
“I'm sure they will be fine. Gracie is here, would you like to speak with her?”
“Sure.”
“Just a moment.”
“Hi, Poppy!”
“Hey, baby girl, how's it going? Having fun with Grammy and Gramp?”
“Uh huh. We're going to the zoo today.”
“I heard. You'll have a blast. Just don't get lost. Stick to your Grammy like glue.”
“Okay.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Cross your heart and hope to die?”
“Stick a needle in Roger Clemens's eye!”
“Okay, I'll take your word for it then. So...be good, and keep the smaller rugrats in line, okay?”
“Miss me, Poppy?”
“Miss you tons, monkey.”
“Miss you too, Poppy. Bring me a present!”
“Maybe. Okay, I'm going to go. Love you.”
“Love you too, Poppy.”
“Bye, kid.”
Luke snapped his cell phone shut and looked over his shoulder guiltily. The bathroom door was still shut, so he crept back into the bedroom and dropped the phone back in the drawer. Luke laid back down on the bed, idly flipping through the television channels until Lorelai emerged from the bathroom, drying her hair with a towel.
“Your turn,” Lorelai muttered. “Make it snappy, I'm starving.”
“Really? You?” Luke snorted as he headed into the bathroom. “I would have never imagined.”
“Ha ha,” Lorelai retorted as Luke shut the bathroom door. She sat on the edge of the bed and ran a comb through her damp curls. As soon as Lorelai heard the shower water running, she grabbed her cellphone off the night stand and dialed a number. Lorelai shot a wary glance at the bathroom door as she waited for an answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Mom, it's me. How are the kids?”
“Lorelai? Why are you calling?”
“I just thought I'd check in, make sure everyone is doing okay.”
“But, I don't understand, I just...”
“Are the twins being good? They're not too much for you are they?”
“They're fine, everyone is fine, I just told....”
“Well, that's good. You guys going to the zoo today?”
“Yes, the same plans we had five minutes ago are still in effect, Lorelai.”
“The house is great, by the way, Mom. Thanks again, Luke and I are having a blast.”
“I see. Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourselves.”
“Okay, well, I'd better go. Give my babies kisses for me.”
“All right, I will. You do realize you don't have to call every five minutes to check in?”
“Huh? What do you mean? I know that. I just thought I'd check in before we started our day.”
“Well, I just thought that Luke was...”
“Oh, hey, Mom, I have to run, Luke's getting out of the shower.”
“Oh, for the love of...all right. Goodbye, Lorelai.”
“Bye, Mom!”
Lorelai closed her cell phone and flung it onto the night stand as Luke came out of the bathroom. “What are you doing?” he muttered as Lorelai jumped back onto the bed.
“Nothing!” Lorelai smiled. “Get dressed, I”ll dry my hair and we can get going already.”
“Hey, uh...you don't think we need to check on the kids, do you?” Luke asked uncertainly.
“Oh, no, why bother?” Lorelai smiled. “They've got Mom and Dad and the entire Gilmore staff looking out for them. No need for us to worry. It's a grown ups only weekend, remember?”
“Yeah,” Luke chuckled. “No kids allowed.”
“Right, so every time you think we should check on the kids, just think to yourself 'what kids?', and then focus on your grown up wife. Things will go much smoother that way,” Lorelai grinned.
“Got it,” Luke nodded, figuring what Lorelai didn't know wouldn't hurt her. “What kids?”
“Exactly what I'm saying,” Lorelai replied, smiling as she grabbed her hair dryer. What Luke didn't know couldn't hurt him, after all.
Chapter 37: Fireplaces Are Good For Snuggling, Too
“Okay, this is definitely more like it,” Lorelai sighed, lounging back against the pillows she and Luke had piled in front of the lit fireplace.
“Good lobster,” Luke mumbled, his mouth full.
“Have we had lobster since the wedding?” Lorelai asked, licking her fingers. “And don't talk with your mouth full, you savage.”
Luke swallowed his mouthful of lobster. “Sorry, and no, I think that was the last time we had it.”
“Damn shame,” Lorelai muttered.
“Tell me about it,” Luke nodded. “And wine. When was the last time we had wine?” he asked, draining his glass.
“Couldn't tell you,” Lorelai replied. “You're kind of tipsy, aren't you, Babe?”
“Totally,” Luke grinned loopily. “I've had, like, a beer a week, tops, since the ki....”
“Ah, ah, ah,” Lorelai laughed, waggling her finger at Luke.
“Sorry,” Luke laughed. “Since uh...since we had to start renovating the house.”
“I'm feeling the wine myself,” Lorelai purred, stretching her leg up in the air and slowly rotating her foot in a circle.
Luke watched Lorelai's foot thoughtfully. “It may be the wine speaking, but that's really freaking hot,” he whispered.
“I think it's the sunburn talking, too,” Lorelai grinned, pulling her leg back down and rolling onto her stomach. “You're as red as that lobster you just inhaled.”
“My nose hurts,” Luke sighed, touching the bridge of his nose gingerly.
“So poke it, that makes sense,” Lorelai giggled.
Luke chuckled. “Poke it...dirty!”
“Pervert,” Lorelai smiled. “I like Tipsy Luke. He's funny.”
“I like Tipsy Luke, too,” Luke smirked. “Fire pretty,” he muttered, staring into the fireplace.
“Oh, give me a break, you're not that drunk,” Lorelai laughed.
“Close,” Luke retorted.
“So, good Saturday, huh?” Lorelai enthused. “I can't believe I actually got you into the water.”
“I can't believe you convinced me to wear shorts.”
“I still don't know why you put up such a fuss,” Lorelai sighed. “There's plenty of goofy looking guys on the beach making a spectacle of themselves in too tight speedos, and big floral swim trunks. And yet, my extremely handsome, masculine husband has body image issues.”
“I don't have body image issues,” Luke grouched.
“You can barely see the scars,” Lorelai replied softly.
“Stupid Frankenstein leg,” Luke grumbled, glaring at the evidence of his accident.
“Stop it,” Lorelai murmured, scooting closer to Luke. “All I care about is that they put you back together. I remember a time when your doctors weren't so sure you were ever going to walk well again. So, I'm pretty content with my pretty husband and his battle scars, and his only very occasional need to break out the old cane on rainy days and Mondays.”
“Does my rainy day whining turn you on?” Luke grinned. “Do you get all hot and bothered when I nearly pass out every time I manage to ram my rod into your...kitchen counter? Yes, I meant that to be dirty.”
“Mission accomplished,” Lorelai giggled.
Luke set his plate up on the coffee table and stretched out on the floor next to Lorelai. “So, still like your gimpy old fart of a husband?”
“As long as you still like your lumpy old fart of a wife,” Lorelai grinned, snuggling up to Luke.
“Show me a lump,” Luke groaned.
Lorelai flipped up the hem of her shirt and glared at her stomach. “No more bikinis for Bonzo, here,” she sighed.
“Pretty belly,” Luke muttered, scooting down to kiss Lorela's belly button. “I still like your belly. Don't start on that again. We've been here before, you know.”
“I recognize that tree,” Lorelai laughed as Luke nibbled lightly on her waist. “That tickles.”
“Pretty, curvy wife,” Luke whispered, running his hand across Lorelai's abdomen.
“Mmm,” Lorelai moaned happily as Luke caressed her. “You still know how to make me feel so sexy.”
Luke slid back up until he was laying next to Lorelai again. “That's because you ARE sexy, woman.”
“Aw, I love you, you dork,” Lorelai smiled.
“I love you, too,” Luke whispered, running his thumb along Lorelai's jaw.
“I'm glad we're married,” she sighed, closing her eyes as Luke kissed her cheek softly.
“Me too,” Luke agreed, trailing soft kisses along Lorelai's forehead. “You're absolutely nothing like the woman I married, you know that?”
“That's disturbing,” Lorelai chuckled.
“No,” Luke replied, shaking his head. “I like who you are now. I liked who you were then, but I have to say, I'm a big fan of the whole mother of my children thing. I get it now. I get what it's like to have someone you'd die for in a heartbeat. You, the kids, I'd throw myself in front of a train if it was necessary. And if anyone ever hurt any of you, I'd kill them. I'd tear them to shreds. You just wait until Gracie and Sammie start dating. The bodies are going to start piling up in Stars Hollow.”
“And when Xan and Doo start dating?” Lorelai asked.
“I'll beat them within an inch of their lives if they're ever stupid enough to cross whatever girl they settle on,” Luke growled.
“I love it when the old William Danes training comes to the surface,” Lorelai giggled.
“My dad would have taken a baseball bat to my head and put me in a coma if he had seen the stupid crap I did in our relationship before we got things right,” Luke sighed. “He would have jammed his foot so far up my ass I would have choked on his shoelace.”
“Interesting imagery,” Lorelai murmured as she snuggled up under Luke's chin. “Mmm. Now I see why the babies like it here so much. So warm and cozy under here.”
“My chin has many selling points,” Luke nodded.
“This is so nice,” Lorelai sighed as Luke pulled her closer. “I feel bad that we aren't taking advantage of all the dirty fireplace things we should be doing, but I'm really liking the cuddly fireplace thing, right now.”
“Plenty of time for dirtiness later,” Luke chuckled. “I can get behind the whole grown up cuddling thing. It's warm, and the pillows are comfortable, and nobody is bouncing on my stomach.”
“Well, I could do that, if you really want me to,” Lorelai laughed.
“No, thanks,” Luke sighed. “No pony rides for you, lady.”
“No fair,” Lorelai pouted.
“I'm only one man,” Luke shrugged.
“Want some more aloe?” Lorelai offered, sitting up and grabbing the bottle of green gel.
“God, yes,” Luke groaned, sitting up and yanking off his shirt. Lorelai maneuvered herself behind Luke and squeezed some aloe into the palm of her hand.
“Get ready for it, it's going to be cold,” she warned, rubbing her hands together to distribute the gel.
“Geez,” Luke hissed, stiffening as Lorelai smoothed the gel onto his reddened shoulders. Luke relaxed a little as he adjusted to the coolness. “Okay, that feels nice,” he decided, letting his chin fall to his chest as Lorelai spread the gel across his shoulders and down his arms.
“Moisturizing is your friend,” Lorelai murmured, gently stoking Luke's inflamed skin. “Poor Luke, all burnt to a crisp.”
“Just call me Cancer Man,” Luke grunted, wincing as Lorelai grazed the reddest part of his skin.
“Let's not and say we did,” Lorelai frowned. “I told you to keep applying the lotion.”
“I did,” Luke retorted.
“You kept going in and out of the water, and not reapplying religiously,” Lorelai scolded.
“Sorry, I'm not up on the Sun-Worshipers Code,” Luke muttered.
“Lean back,” Lorelai instructed as she crawled forward. Luke leaned his weight back onto the palms of his hands as Lorelai straddled his lap. “Gotta apply liberally,” Lorelai explained. “The bottle says so.”
“Gotta pay attention to the labeling,” Luke groaned as Lorelai began to spread the allow down his biceps, squeezing gently as she worked the gel into his skin. Lorelai squeezed another dollop of aloe into her palm and began to work it into Luke's chest. “I'm not burnt there,” Luke whispered, smiling at Lorelai as she silently continued massaging his chest, working her way up to his shoulders again.
She dipped her head and nibbled softly on Luke's throat., sliding her hands over Luke's arms. Luke sat up and grasped Lorelai's waist, kissing her softly. “You'd make a great nurse,” he whispered.
“You'd be my favorite patient,” Lorelai smiled as she gently sucked Luke's lower lip into her mouth. “Lay back, make yourself comfy.”
“A man could get used to this,” Luke whispered.
“Don't get too used to it,” Lorelai grinned.
“But...”
“Hey, I'm just saying, enjoy it while you can,” Lorelai explained.
“Want it all the time,” Luke pouted, pulling Lorelai tight against his own body.
“I do too,” Lorelai sighed, kissing Luke's cheek softly.
“Let's never,ever go home,” Luke suggested, brushing a lock of Lorelai's hair from her face.
“We have to go home eventually,” Lorelai whispered.
“No,” Luke murmured. “Stay here. By the fireplace.”
“So nice here by the fireplace,” Lorelai sighed, nuzzling Luke's ear with her nose.
“Very nice,” Luke moaned as Lorelai pressed up against him.
“Wonder how the twins are holding up?” Lorelai frowned as she nibbled on Luke's ear.
“They're fine,” Luke rasped.
“Do you miss them?” Lorelai asked, sitting up a little.
“Huh?” Luke asked. “Of course I do.”
“How much?” Lorelai asked, running her fingernails through Luke's chest hair.
“I smell a con brewing,” Luke sighed.
“No con, just concerned about your parental longings,” Lorelai smiled.
“What's the deal?” Luke asked suspiciously.
“Damn it,” Lorelai sighed, laying her head back down on Luke's chest. “I miss the little beasts.”
“Oh my god, you want to leave early,” Luke groaned.
Lorelai shrugged. “I'm having so much fun, but I feel kind of....off,” she admitted.
Luke narrowed his eyes as Lorelai tilted her head up toward him, a sheepish grin on her face.
“Maybe we can leave tomorrow afternoon...late,” Luke sighed in defeat.
“Really?” Lorelai squealed. “Aw, hon, you're the best.”
“Total sucker,” Luke groaned. “I can't believe you're already bored of me.”
“I'm not bored, I swear,” Lorelai argued. “Don't you feel it, just a teeny bit?”
“What?” Luke growled.
“Don't you miss them?”
“Aw, geez,” Luke huffed.
“Admit it, you dork, you miss them just as much as I do,” Lorelai pressed.
“Fine,” Luke shrugged. “Maybe I do. Just a teeny bit.”
“Aha!” Lorelai exclaimed triumphantly. “I knew it. You miss them. You big sap.”
“Shut up,” Luke grumbled.
“Okay, so we'll just pick them up tomorrow evening. But we still have the day tomorrow to enjoy our alone time. And tonight,” Lorelai said.
“You'd better make it up to me, big time,” Luke grumped.
“How ever could I make it up to you, my sweet, wonderful, understanding husband guy?” Lorelai asked innocently.
“Dirty fireplace stuff,” Luke demanded. “And you'd better make it good.”
“I'm always good, Babe,” Lorelai purred, allowing her hand to drift down Luke's stomach.
“That you are,” Luke grinned.
“I'm going to like this dirty fireplace stuff,” Lorelai giggled as Luke rolled on top of her, lavishing her neck with kisses.
“The things I let you talk me into,” Luke sighed.
Chapter 38: Fast Forward
“Choke up on the bat,” Luke muttered.
“I am,” Xander sighed.
“Good. Let's see what you've got,” Luke said as the pitching machine began to whir. Xander readied himself, narrowing his eyes in anticipation. A ball launched out of the machine and Xander swung. The ball hit the cage wall behind him.
“Damn it,” Xander grumbled.
“Watch the swears. Get ready,” Luke said, crossing his arms.
Xander swung again, getting only a piece of the ball. It bounced down into the square in front of the boy and rolled into the corner.
“You can't swing at just anything,” Luke instructed. “Watch it. Know where you want it to be. If it isn't there, let it pass.”
“Only get three strikes, Dad,” Xander retorted.
“Concentrate on the ball, kid, got another one coming,” Luke ordered.
Xander choked up on the bat, waiting for the next pitch.
“Watch it,” Luke reminded him.
“Watching,” Xander said through clenched teeth as the next pitch flew at him. He swung and connected with the ball. It sailed back into the nets behind the pitching machine.
“That's how you do it,” Luke grinned. “Know where it's going before it gets there.”
“It was gonna drop,” Xander nodded, readying himself for the next ball.
“You have learned much, Grasshopper,” Luke chuckled.
“You are my Zen Master,” Xander grunted, knocking another ball into the nets.
“Chicken winging it, kid,” Luke sighed. “Keep your follow through solid.”
“How was I chicken winging it?” Xander asked, exasperated.
“How are you concentrating if you're flapping your gums?” Luke shot back, hooking his fingers through the mesh behind Xander.
“Now I know how Tiger Woods must have felt,” Xander laughed as he let a high ball fly past him.
“Shut it,” Luke scowled as Xander stepped out of the batting cage.
“Toss a few?” Xander suggested, pulling off the batting helmet and grabbing the gloves.
“A few,” Luke shrugged as they walked outside to the ball field. Xander trotted a few feet away. “Far enough,” Luke nodded.
“Geez, Dad, why don't we just sit on the ground and roll it back and forth?” Xander sighed.
“Warm up your shoulder, first, Hot Shot,” Luke retorted. “Haven't I beaten that concept into your head yet?” he asked as he leisurely tossed the baseball toward Xander.
“Yeah, yeah,” Xander groaned, tossing the ball back. “Think I'll make the team?”
“Sure bet,” Luke assured Xander as they tossed the ball back and forth, slowly widening the gap between them.
“Coach kept yammering about you,” Xander laughed. “Dead Eye this, Dead Eye that.”
“I am legend,” Luke shrugged. “You've got big cleats to fill, little man.”
“Glad you're humble about your rep,” Xander muttered. “Don't forget, I've seen your goofy ass track picture.”
“Maybe be a goofy ass picture, but the only thing that matters is all the shiny trophies surrounding that picture,” Luke laughed. “Need another Danes man in that high school to start filling up the trophy case again. The hockey team sure as heck isn't going to do it.”
“Wouldn't it be cool if I could go pro?” Xander asked, whipping the ball a little harder now.
“Hey, don't get cocky,” Luke warned.
“I'm just saying,” Xander sighed, rolling his eyes.
“And I'm just saying, keep my crappy luck in mind,” Luke grunted as he caught the ball. “Damn, that one stung a little.”
“I'm not going to blow out my arm,” Xander promised.
“I wasn't going to either,” Luke replied, hurling the ball back. “You're going into high school this year. You keep your eye on the prize, and not just the baseball prize. You keep your grades up, and keep your options open. Don't be a putz, like I was.”
“I won't,” Xander nodded. “Turnin' it up a notch.”
Luke held out his glove, catching Xander's pitch. “Nice,” he grinned
“Come on, give me some heat,” Xander grinned back.
Luke threw the ball with force. Xander laughed out loud as he caught the speeding ball. “Geez, still got some sizzle for an old dude.”
“Watch it, Punk,” Luke growled. “It's getting dark, let's swing by Miss Patty's and meet Grace.”
“Sucks that the summer's almost over,” Xander sighed as he and Luke walked toward the dance studio.
“Summer's only over when the Sox close up shop for the year,” Luke replied.
“They're not closing up shop any time soon, looks like,” Xander grinned.
“What number do you want if you make the team?” Luke asked.
“Well, seeing as old Dead Eye's number is retired and hanging up in the gym, I guess I have to shoot for something good like 20.”
“Youk,” Luke nodded.
“You coming to my first game?” Xander asked. “You know, if I make the cut?”
“I'll be there front and center, screaming 'Tessie' at the top of my lungs,” Luke promised.
“You're way too Sox for this town,” Xander sighed.
“Don't I know it,” Luke grinned as they climbed the steps to the dance studio. Xander peered inside the door.
“The duck is almost dead, shouldn't be long now,” Xander reported.
“It's Swan Lake,” Luke groaned, punching Xander in the arm. “No ducks involved.” The waited until the dancers had cooled down and started to disperse. Miss Patty walked out to the door, lighting up her cigarette.
“Lucas,” she purred. “You're looking dapper this evening. Been working out?”
“Uh, a little, Patty,” Luke shrugged. “Throwing some pitches with the runt, here.”
“Hey,” Xander scowled. “I'm almost as tall as you are.”
“I'm sorry I missed it,” Miss Patty demurred. “Nothing could be prettier than watching the Danes boys lather themselves up.”
“Maybe next time, Patty,” Luke sighed.
“Oh, don't tease,” Miss Patty sighed. “Gracie, honey, your adoring crowd awaits you,” she called.
“I'm coming, I'm coming,” Grace huffed, dragging her duffel bag behind her as she left the studio. “See you Sunday, Miss Patty.”
“See you then, Sweetheart,” Miss Patty sang. “Bye, boys!”
“Come on, Duck,” Xander growled as he started walking toward the diner. “I'm going to get a burger. I'm starving.”
“Bite me, Dork,” Grace snarked. “Hi, Pop.”
“Hey, G, how'd it go?” Luke asked, falling into step alongside Grace as Xander trotted ahead of them.
“My calves hurt,” Grace groaned. “Miss Patty is like freaking Colonel Klink.”
“Hey, you spent all those years whining about never getting the good parts, now you're whining about getting the good parts and having to work for them,” Luke pointed out. “Can't have your cake and eat it, too.”
“Gee, thanks for the pep talk, Pop,” Grace moaned. “I really want some ice cream. I hate not being able to eat ice cream.”
“You can have a little ice cream,” Luke groaned. “You'd better not be turning into some anorexic diva. I'll put Patty in a headlock if she's riding you about that kind of stuff.”
“I'm not,” Grace swore. “I'm just not Mom. Or Rory. How do they eat like they do and still look like, I don't know, what's the word?”
“Sticks?” Luke laughed as they walked into the diner. “Twigs?”
“Yeah, that,” Grace giggled.
“It's because they're insane,” Luke explained, walking behind the counter. “Being nuts is very slimming. And you're just as twiggy as they are, so knock it off.”
“Fine,” Grace muttered, sliding onto a stool at the counter. “Bring me a cheeseburger, stat.”
“Coming up,” Luke nodded. “Your order in?” he asked Xander.
“Yup,” Xander nodded. Luke went back into the kitchen to get the kids' food together.
“You wanna work Saturday for me?” Xander asked Grace.
“Not especially,” Grace sighed, sliding off the stool and going behind the counter to get a drink.
“Come on, trade a shift with me,” Xander pleaded.
“Why would I do that?” Grace asked. “I'm a busy person. I've got people to see, things to do.”
“Got a game organizing, I need the practice,” Xander shrugged.
“Well, I've got plans,” Grace retorted, returning to her seat. “So suck it.”
“Suck it?” Xander mused. “Hey, betcha Dad would love to hear all about you sucking face with Dave McArdle at the BWR last weekend instead of being at Jen's party like you said you were.”
“Damn it,” Grace sighed. “What hours.”
“Here you go,” Luke grunted, returning from the kitchen. “What are you arguing about now?”
“Nothing,” Grace pouted. “I'm actually taking Xan's Saturday shift out of the goodness of my heart.”
“Yeah, right,” Luke snorted, laughing. “What do you got on her?” he asked the boy.
Xander shrugged, not replying. He shoved his burger into his mouth and took a huge bite. “Mof foo,” he explained, pointing at his mouth.
“I'm going to finish unpacking the deliveries before we cut out,” Luke sighed. He walked into the stock room as Grace and Xander worked on their meals.
Grace finished up her cheeseburger and walked into the stock room. “Need any help, Pop?”
“Just finishing up,” Luke replied. “Thanks, though.”
“Hey, Pop, can I spend the night at Andrea's after I'm done here on Saturday?” Grace asked, hopping up onto the table in the center of the room.
“Got an awful lot of sleepovers happening lately,” Luke noted, putting the last jar of pickles up onto a shelf.
“Summer's running out of steam, gotta get the fun in while it lasts,” Grace shrugged, swinging her dangling legs idly.
“Uh huh,” Luke grunted.
“What?” Grace asked, narrowing her eyes at Luke.
Luke leaned back on the edge of the table next to Grace, crossing his arms. “Small town, monkey,” Luke said softly.
“So?” Grace shrugged, biting her nails nervously.
“So, the bookstore? Not exactly your best attempt at discretion,” Luke sighed.
“Oh,” Grace whispered, staring at her shoes.
“Come on,” Luke continued. “Did you think that wouldn't make its way back to me?”
“I don't know,” Grace mumbled.
“Who is this kid?” Luke pressed.
“Dave,” Grace replied.
“Dave who?” Luke asked, staring at Grace.
“McArdle,” Grace replied, meeting Luke's eyes with her own, finally.
Luke shook his head at the stubborn expression Grace wore. “You don't see him again...”
“Poppy!” Grace wailed. “We're not doing anything, we're just hanging out!”
“Don't get your leotard in a bunch,” Luke growled. “You don't see him again until your Mom and I meet him, got it?”
“When?” Grace gasped, horrified.
“Soon,” Luke scowled. “Friday.”
“What about Friday night dinner?” Grace asked.
“Your grandparents have a dinner party, we're not going this week,” Luke replied.
“Damn,” Grace mumbled.
“Watch it,” Luke warned.
“Fine,” Grace sighed. “I'll see if he wants to come to dinner.”
“You'll see if he wants to come to dinner?” Luke echoed. “Uh, no, you tell him be there, or get lost. End of story.”
“Pop,” Grace moaned. “You scare the crap out of every decent guy in town.”
“If they're decent guys, they have nothing to be scared of,” Luke shot back.
“Aw, geez,” Grace muttered. “So I kissed a guy. It's not the end of the world.”
“As long as you're living under my roof, I get to have a say in whose lips touch yours,” Luke growled.
“Oh my god,” Grace wailed. “Please, just don't embarrass me, okay?”
“You mean I shouldn't wear my hip waders to dinner?” Luke grinned.
“Don't you dare,” Grace gasped. “Pop, I swear, if you scare Dave off...”
“Oh, shut up,” Luke laughed. “Invite this chump to dinner, we'll check him out, and if, and that's a very big if, we say it's okay, we'll discuss what the dating rules are, got it?”
“Okay,” Grace agreed.
“Of course, that will happen two weeks from now,” Luke continued.
“Two weeks?” Grace asked.
“You know, after you're off grounding for sneaking around behind our backs,” Luke grunted. “Do it again, and I'll make it a month, we clear?”
“We're clear,” Grace sulked.
“You're also working here for the next two Friday and Saturday nights,” Luke added.
“Geeez,” Grace groaned. “Can I go now? I get one phone call before you lock me up, right?”
“Two minutes,” Luke nodded, glaring at Grace. “Get out of here.”
Grace slunk out of the stockroom. Luke sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands. “Christ,” he muttered to himself. “Punk thinks he can grope my kid in public? He's got another thing coming if he thinks I'm going to let that one slide.”
Luke stood up and walked back toward the dining area. He needed to think. Plan something big. Somehow, this McArdle kid was going to get the fear of God put back into him. Luke didn't know how he was going to do it yet, but damn it, once he and Lorelai put together a plan, this kid was definitely going to wish he hadn't been born.
Chapter 39: Dave With A Side Of Fava Beans
“Watcha going to do to Grace's boyfriend, Dad?” Sammie asked.
“We're just having dinner,” Luke responded, sliding a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of the girl.
“You're so going to kill him,” Drew chuckled, as Luke place Drew's breakfast in front of him.
“I'm not going to kill him,” Luke sighed, walking around the counter to retrieve a coffee pot.
“He's gonna beat Dave with a spatula,” Sammie giggled.
“Gut him like a fish,” Drew replied, stuffing a forkful of pancake into his mouth.
“Stop it,” Lorelai murmured, stifling a smile as Luke filled up customers' coffee cups.
“He's going to choke him right after Dave finishes his pie,” Sammie continued.
“Help him swallow his last bite right before he kicks the bucket,” Drew cackled.
“Dave is so dead,” Sammie accentuated.
“Deader than a doornail,” Drew agreed.
“Deader than that worm you squashed this morning,” Sam shuddered.
“The worm got it easy,” Drew grinned.
“Yeah, Dave's screwed,” Sammie laughed.
“Knock it off, you two,” Luke growled as he strode by their table.
“I bet he's gonna kill Dave, let them bury him, then dig him up and kill him all over again,” Drew whispered to Sammie.
“Whack him in the head with a shovel,” Sammie snorted.
“And kick him in the leg,” Drew smiled.
“And then break his arm,” Sam added.
“Right before he kills him again,” Drew concluded.
“You two are seriously disturbed,” Lorelai sighed.
“You are the most morbid pair I've ever met in my life,” Luke grumbled. “Nobody's getting killed.”
“Are you gonna get arrested?” Sam asked innocently.
“If anyone gets killed tonight, it's going to be one or the both of you,” Luke scowled. “More coffee?” he asked Lorelai.
“Seriously, how long until you learn to just fill it up without asking?” Lorelai smiled, sliding her coffee mug toward Luke.
“Just following the script,” Luke sighed as he walked back to the counter.
“So dead,” Sammie whispered.
“Stop it,” Lorelai grinned. “You're going to get on your Dad's crap list for sure, if you keep it up.”
“Rory emailed me, she wants me to videotape dinner,” Drew chortled.
“Oh my god, that would be so cool,” Sammie laughed.
“We could Youtube it,” Drew plotted. “I gotta call April and ask her if she could...”
“Nooo,” Lorelai warned. “No streaming boyfriend slaughter, okay guys?”
“Aw, Mom,” Sammie sighed.
Xander walked into the diner at that moment, flopping into the chair next to Lorelai.
“Morning, Sunshine,” Lorelai smiled at the boy. She reached out and tucked a stray lock of hair back under Xander's baseball cap. “Glad you decided to wake up and smell the dishwater.”
“Can't wait until school starts,” Xander grouched. “Dishpan hands aren't my thing.”
“It'll put hair on your chest,” Lorelai shrugged.
“Something better do it,” Drew laughed.
“Shut up, Tweedle Dum,” Xander grouched.
“Not his fault you're all stunted,” Sammie giggled.
“You shut it, too, Tweedle Dumber,” Xander growled.
“That's original,” Sammie sighed, rolling her eyes.
“Yeah, come up with something new, Dork,” Drew pouted.
“Sorry, Chang, sorry, Eng, I'll do better next time,” Xander snarked. “Seriously, you had to have two morons at once, Mom?”
“Hey, knock it off,” Lorelai frowned. “Get up on the confrontational side of the bed this morning?”
Xander slouched down in his seat, adjusting his baseball cap. Lorelai grinned at the sight. He was wearing a blue flannel shirt, the baseball cap he wore was turned backwards on his head, a few tufts of curly brown hair poking out from under the bill. His arms were folded over his chest, and a downright surly expression settled onto his face. All Xander needed was some stubble, and it was Luke. Luke with a Beastie Boys t shirt underneath the flannel, but Luke nonetheless.
“It's only a three hour shift,” Lorelai pointed out. “It's not like your Dad is running a sweatshop here.”
“I hate getting stuck busing and doing the dishes,” Xander pouted.
“But at least you get to witness the big coming out party for Gracie and Dave tonight,” Lorelai offered.
“Yeah, that's gonna rock,” Xander grinned. “Totally have to record it.”
“Mom said no,” Sammie said with regret.
“Nice support system your sister has,” Lorelai grumbled.
“Hey, she'd be the one carrying the noose if it were me,” Xander argued.
“Evil. All of you,” Lorelai laughed. “Okay you two, time to get you to your science camp, and I have to get to work before Sookie throttles me.”
“Guess I'd better get my bucket,” Xander sighed, standing up with the rest of the family.
“See you tonight, kid,” Lorelai smiled, kissing Xander on the cheek. “Don't impale yourself on a steak knife or anything.”
“You leaving?” Luke asked, walking up to Lorelai.
“Yep,” Lorelai nodded. “Time to win some bread. Or something like that.”
“See you tonight,” Luke murmured, kissing Lorelai gently.
“Yuck,” Drew grimaced. Luke pulled Lorelai into a deeper kiss, and reached out his hand, covering Drew's face.
“Okay, enough PDA,” Xander moaned, and headed for the kitchen.
“Yeah, get a divorce like normal parents,” Sammie sighed, heading for the diner door.
“Bye, Babe,” Lorelai smiled as they pulled apart.
“Bye, brats,” Luke added, tousling Drew's hair and kissing Sammie on the top of her head. “Don't terrorize the other campers.”
Lorelai and Grace spun around the kitchen later that evening, trying to pull together an acceptable dinner. “How's the spaghetti sauce?” Lorelai asked, grabbing a loaf of frozen french bread from the freezer.
“Still in the jar,” Grace moaned. “We can't do spaghetti from a jar. It's so uncool.”
“Hey, when did I ever bother to learn how to cook?” Lorelai argued. “That's what I've got you and Luke for.”
“Crap,” Grace sighed. “Okay, I can make spaghetti sauce. It isn't that hard.”
“What do you need?” Lorelai asked.
“I need....uh, tomato sauce, onions, uh....garlic....and, geez, what else does Pop put in this?” Grace muttered, rifling through the cupboards. “Meat! Grab some ground beef out of the freezer.”
“Got it,” Lorelai pulling a package of frozen beef out of the freezer and smacking it down onto the counter. “Now what?”
“Geez, defrost it,” Grace laughed.
“I can do that,” Lorelai grinned. “Cooking is fun!”
Grace poured the tomato sauce into a pot, chopped some tomatoes up and threw them in as well. She turned up the heat and began maniacally chopping a clove of garlic.
“I can chop up the onion,” Lorelai offered.
“No chopping, slice it,” Grace instructed, throwing an onion at Lorelai.
“Why?” Lorelai asked.
“No clue, it's just what Pop does,” Grace shrugged as she grabbed some herbs out of the refrigerator. “Oh wow, are there mushrooms? I need mushrooms.”
“I'll get them, is this enough onion?” Lorelai asked.
“Yeah,” Grace nodded, “Pop them in.”
“Look at you, all Emeril. Are you going to yell 'Bam!' at all? Because that would be so awesome,” Lorelai giggled.
Grace shot Lorelai a withering stare. She picked up a pinch of oregano that she had just chopped and dropped it into the pot of sauce. “Bam,” she said in a monotone.
Lorelai looked Grace in the eye, contemplating the girl. “Such your father's daughter,” she sighed, shaking her head and returning to the side of the kitchen she was working on.
“Okay, seriously, did you get Pop under control?” Grace wheedled.
“Hey, I told him no baseball bats. That's the best I can do. Your father is his own man,” Lorelai shrugged.
“Geez, he's going to cause a scene, isn't he?” Grace moaned.
“Listen, I sympathize with you, I really do, but you brought this on yourself,” Lorelai scolded. “All you had to do was be upfront about this kid, and you wouldn't be up this particular creek without a paddle.”
“Pop's so mean to guys,” Grace explained. “Remember Danny?”
“Third grade Danny?”
“Yeah, Dad made him cry just because we were both sitting on my bed,” Grace reminded Lorelai.
“Okay, maybe he did overreact to that,” Lorelai smirked. “But Danny did kind of have a habit of trying to tackle you and kiss you.”
“We were playing Mousetrap,” Grace retorted.
“Sexy,” Lorelai purred.
“Aw, geez,” Grace groaned, stirring the sauce.
“Hey,” Luke greeted the pair as he walked into the kitchen.
“Burger Boy has come home,” Lorelai smiled.
“What's cooking?” Luke asked, sniffing the air.
“Taste this,” Grace ordered, sticking a wooden spoon in Luke's face. Luke tasted the sauce.
“Not bad,” he said. “You need some peppers in there, though.”
“Crap,” Grace gasped. “I knew I forgot something.'
“Watch the swears,” Luke growled.
“Sorry,” Grace muttered distractedly as she began to slice up a green pepper.
“How was work?” Lorelai asked, sticking the french bread into the oven.
“Uh, I poured coffee, I made burgers, I fried fries, I poured coffee, and I yelled at Kirk,” Luke shrugged.
“Another productive day,” Lorelai nodded as the doorbell rang. “I'll get it,” she sang as Grace whirled around to stare at Luke, wide eyed.
“No, let me,” Luke smiled. “You two get dinner finished up.”
“Poppy,” Grace said pleadingly, grabbing Luke's hands.
“Why are you so worried?” Luke chuckled. “Do you see a sidearm?”
“Poppy, please be nice,” Grace begged.
“Your sauce is boiling,” Luke grunted. Grace raced back to the stove and Luke turned on his heels, glaring at Lorelai as she pointed at Luke, silently warning him to behave.
“Is that him?” Drew asked as he and Sammie ran down the stairs.
“Sit down and chill,” Luke grunted at the twins as he went to greet their guest. He waited until the twins took their seats on the love seat. Luke opened the door and silently regarded the boy who stood there. Luke slowly looked him up and down as the boy scratched his head nervously.
“Hey, Mr. D,” Dave smiled, holding his hand out.
Luke gripped Dave's hand tightly and shook it. “No need to be formal,” Luke said sarcastically. “Please, call me Mr. Danes.”
“Uh, sorry, I meant Mr. Danes,” Dave said sheepishly.
“Come on in, have a seat,” Luke said, stepping aside. “Dinner will be a few more minutes.”
Dave entered the living room and sat on the couch next to Xander, who was flipping through a magazine. “Hey, man,” Dave nodded.
“Hey,” Xander muttered, not looking up. “Hope you brought your padding. It might get a little rough in here,” Xander smirked.
“Uh, okay,” Dave smiled nervously.
“So, Dave is it?” Luke asked, sitting down in a chair.
“Yeah, uh...yes Sir, I mean, Dave McArdle,” Dave stammered.
“Dave McArdle,” Luke mused. “I tell ya, that name sounds familiar.”
“Uh, well, I play football,” Dave offered. “Maybe that's why you've heard of me.”
“Not really a fan of football,” Luke shrugged. “Not my sport, if you know what I mean.”
“Oh,” Dave replied, looking at Xander for help.
“Hey,” Xander said, tossing his magazine onto the coffee table. “You like baseball, don't you, Dave?”
“Yeah,” Dave nodded gratefully. “You're a total legend in school, Mr. Danes. Baseball, track. I think you went to school with my coach,” he offered weakly.
“Really?” Luke asked. “Who's your coach?”
“Mike Peters,” Dave explained.
“Oh,” Luke grunted. “Yeah, I remember Mikey.”
“Cool,” Dave grinned.
“He was a putz,” Luke scowled.
“So what team do you like?” Xander asked. “Baseball, I mean.”
“Oh, I totally like the Yanks,” Dave said enthusiastically. “Jeter's the man, best player since Gossage.”
“Oh man,” Sammie whispered.
“He's toast,” Drew whispered back gleefully.
Xander smiled knowingly at Sam and Drew, betraying his set-up.
“Gossage is kind of an obvious choice,” Luke sighed. “But Jeter? Seriously, if you're going to compare one Yankee to another, which is a lost cause, in my opinion, at least show some respect to the pinstripes. Pull out a Munson, or at least a Gehrig. Jeter? Overrated.”
“Uh, Munson, Sir?” Dave asked, confused.
“You're a Yankee fan?” Luke asked suspiciously.
“Yes, Sir,” Dave nodded.
“And you don't know Munson?” Luke pressed.
“No, Sir,” Dave admitted.
“Munson, Thurman Munson,” Luke prodded.
“Sorry,” Dave shrugged.
“So the Gehrig/Munson connection was completely lost on you,” Luke sighed.
“Geez, even I knew that,” Sammie whispered to Drew. Dave glanced warily at the twins, unnerved by their mounting excitement throughout his grilling.
“Big Yankee fan, Mr. Danes?” Dave asked.
“Oh man,” Drew snorted. “Get the body bag.”
“Noo,” Luke replied slowly. “Red Sox, actually.”
“Oh,” Dave said, his shoulders slumping in defeat.
“I could mention Carlton Fisk here, but it...really wouldn't accomplish much, now would it?” Luke smiled.
“I guess not,” Dave sighed.
“Man, that was bad,” Xander smirked. “The Yankees. Sheesh.”
“Why don't you guys go out and help set the table?” Luke suggested.
“Aw, Dad,” Drew complained.
“All three of you, go, now,” Luke said firmly. The twins stomped out to the kitchen, angry at being shut out of the show.
Xander stood up slowly and clapped Dave on the shoulder. “Don't forget the emergency 'chute, man,” he grinned as he wandered out of the living room.
“So, Dave,” Luke smiled, crossing his arms.
“Yes, Sir?” Dave asked weakly, wiping a line of sweat from his brow.
“You want to date my daughter,” Luke began.
“Yes, Sir,” Dave replied.
“My Gracie,” Luke emphasized.
“Yes,” Dave whispered.
“I hear you two put on quite a show at the bookstore,” Luke scowled.
“It wasn't really...I didn't...It got blown all out of proportion,” Dave stammered.
“I hope so,” Luke nodded. “I've got a bum leg, you know, car accident years ago.”
“Grace mentioned that,” Dave replied. “Sorry about that.”
“Thanks,” Luke said. “I tell ya, I'd hate to have more surgery to realign the rod I've got in there.”
“Is that a possibility?” Dave gulped.
“It is if you ever feel up my daughter in a public place again, son,” Luke growled. “I'd hate to have to kick you around the block a few times. That would make me very cranky, catch my drift?”
“Yes, Sir,” Dave whispered shakily.
“And if you ever do that in private, things will get uglier still, got it?” Luke explained.
“Yes, Sir,” Dave nodded emphatically.
“My father raised me to respect women,” Luke began. “And I'm pretty damn particular about how I'm raising my own boys. They know I'd tear them a new one if I ever caught wind of them behaving...in a disrespectful manner, do you follow me?”
“Yes, Sir,” Dave gasped.
“Good,” Luke smiled. “I'm glad we're on the same page. Because if you're going to date my daughter, you'd better be playing by the same rules, got it?”
“Got it,” Dave nodded.
“Good,” Luke replied. “You ever hear that Abbott and Costello routine? The 'Who's On First?' thing?”
“Yeah,” Dave nodded. “Funny stuff.”
“Yes, it is,” Luke mused. “Let's use that as a little comparison for our dating ground rules, okay?”
“How's that, Sir?” Dave asked, swallowing hard.
“Who's on first?” Luke continued. “Not you. Ever. Never even gonna catch a piece of the ball, if you know what's good for you, kid. Got it?”
“Yes, Sir,” Dave choked out. “I would never even consider it.”
“Good man,” Luke nodded.
“Hey guys?” Lorelai interrupted, walking into the living room. “Dinner's ready.”
“Great,” Luke grinned at Lorelai as she narrowed her eyes at him. “Let's go eat, Dave, buddy.”
“Okay,” Dave gulped, getting to his feet.
“You hungry?” Luke asked as they made their way to the kitchen.
“Um, I was...” Dave mumbled.
“Gracie made it,” Luke beamed. “You're going to eat it, and you're going to rave about it. Understood?”
“Understood,” Dave tried to smile.
“I think I like you, Dave,” Luke chuckled.
“Really?” Dave frowned.
“Not really,” Luke admitted. “But Grace does. And I'll give you a chance because of that. But that's all you have, kid. Don't blow it.”
“I won't, Sir,” Dave promised.
“Good answer,” Luke smiled, patting Dave on the shoulder.
Chapter 40: Luke Lightens Up
Luke climbed the bleacher stairs and sat down on the sixth riser, figuring he had a good enough vantage point. The stands were dotted with a few groups of parents, family, and friends who had turned out to watch the Varsity and JV baseball teams in their first practice game against each other. Luke shaded his eyes with his hand and peered across the baseball diamond. He easily picked out Xander, who stood apart from the rest of the team, slowly rotating his arm and going through his stretching routine. Luke nodded, pleased. At the very least, the kid took Luke's baseball advice to heart, and followed Luke's instructions religiously. Now, if he could only get the boy to clean up his room, Luke thought with a smile.
A rowdy bunch of high schoolers sat on the bottom two rows directly beneath Luke. Luke glared at the punks, hoping they'd settle down before the game began. One kid sat in the middle of the group of loud, restless boys, staring thoughtfully across the field.
“What the hell are we doing here, anyway?” one of the boys asked.
“Dave wants to watch the game,” another boy responded.
“Since when is he into baseball? He isn't ditching the pigskin, is he?”
“Xander's playing,” the boy in the middle shrugged.
Luke looked down at the group again, hearing his son's name. The boy in the middle was Dave McArdle. “Sheesh,” Luke muttered. “Just what I need.”
“Who the hell is Xander?” another boy in the group shot back.
“Aw, hell, that's his girlfriend's baby brother.”
“That's so cute. He's babysitting for Grace. Does she make you change Xander's diapers?”
“Knock it off,” Dave growled at the group of taunters.
“Dude, the kid is a freshman. You can't hang out with a freshman, that chick has got you pussy-whipped.”
“Hey!” Dave said loudly, turning around to face the boy. “Don't start with me. The kid is good, I've seen him play over the summer, just thought I'd check him out now that he's on the team. Shut up, already.”
“Pussy-whipped,” someone tittered.
Luke sat upright, clenching his fists. He had a feeling he was about to cause one of those scenes Gracie was always convinced he was on the verge of starting.
Dave slumped down against the risers, oblivious to Luke's presence. “Just watch the game,” he muttered.
“So is Grace a screamer?” Another boy teased. “The girl is a little cracked in the head, I'll betcha she's a freaking banshee in the sack.”
“Shut the hell up,” Dave growled.
“Come on man, dish, we gotta know what we're dealing with once you come back to reality and start dating in your own league.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Dave asked, spinning to face the boy.
“Well, look at the chick. She isn't exactly the kind of girl you normally go for,” the boy shrugged.
“She isn't a chick, and she's the prettiest girl in school, assmunch,” Dave scowled.
“Yeah, okay, she's hot, but she's weird,” the boy retorted.
“She isn't weird,” Dave shot back. “If she was so freaking weird, why is she so damn popular?”
“She isn't all that popular,” the boy fired back. “And she's a brain. She's always walking around with some stupid book shoved under her nose. She practically walked into the lockers last week. Mrs. Carter had to run interference.”
“Totally weird,” another kid chimed in.
“She called Chris Stoner an automaton. What the hell is an automaton?” another boy laughed.
“Geez, so she has a vocabulary. You're right, she's completely insane,” Dave sighed, turning back to watch the game.
Luke grinned. At least the punk was sticking up for Grace. And if all she had a reputation for was being a bookworm, Luke could sleep a little easier at night.
“So, spill, already,” one of the taunters pressed, grabbing Dave by the shoulders and shaking him. “Is she a banshee? Or is she a total dead-fuck?”
Luke's eyes widened. He clenched his teeth and got ready to pounce.
Dave stood up and spun around, grabbing the kid by his shirt. “Take that back,” he bellowed.
“Take what back? It was a simple question,” the kid yelled back.
“She isn't like that,” Dave growled. “And you need to stop talking about her like that, unless you want my fist in your grill.”
“Hey, I'm just sayin', Matt Jeffries said she polished his knob pretty good last year,” the kid yelped. “Just making sure you're not getting any diseases from the slut.”
“Matt Jeffries?” Dave roared, pulling the boy closer. “Matt Jeffries? He's a pathological liar! He never even had the nerve to say 'hello' to Grace! And you're going to believe the bullshit that comes out of his mouth? He swore he was banging the girl's field hockey coach, for Christ's sake!”
“Get the hell off me,” the kid whined.
“You take it back now,” Dave growled. “You take back the slut thing right now. Grace isn't a slut. Grace doesn't play like that, so you take it the fuck back right now!”
“No!” the kid roared back. “You think you can get in my face because of some airhead bitch? It isn't my fault you haven't been able to tap that ass. Go get laid, and get bent, you asshole!”
“Fuck you!” Dave bellowed, pulling back his arm and punching the kid in his face. The boy flew back against the bleachers, howling in pain.
“You son of a bitch!” the boy roared, getting up and slamming Dave to the ground. “Your girlfriend is a fucking whore!”
Dave rolled on top of the boy and pummeled him with blows. “She is not!” he yelled angrily. “You take it the hell back, she isn't a whore!” he roared as the boy caught him with a solid hit right in the nose.
Luke sighed and stood up, hurrying down to the boys rolling around in the grass. “Okay, knock it the hell off,” he growled, whacking Dave lightly on the back with his cane. The boys not participating in the wrestling match jumped to action, pulling the two aggressors apart.
“Get him out of here,” Luke grunted at the group, glaring at the bloody instigator. “And you'd better keep your trap shut, if you know what's good for you, punk,” he added.
“Who the hell..” the boy began furiously. He was immediately silenced by the boys trying to drag him away.
“Shut the hell up,” one of the kids hissed. “That's Grace's dad, he'll kill you.”
“Shit,” another boy mumbled. “Smooth move, asshole.” They dragged the boy away, glancing warily back at Luke and Dave.
Luke waited until they had gotten far enough away to suit him. He turned around to look at Dave, who was bent over, grasping his knees and panting for air.
“You okay?” Luke grunted, as Dave spat a mouthful of blood out.
“Yeah,” Dave wheezed.
“Sit down, catch your breath,” Luke instructed. Dave sat down on the bench, wiping his bloody nose with his t shirt.
Xander trotted over to the pair, concerned. “What the hell?” he whispered to Luke. “Ben said Dave was getting his ass kicked over here.”
“It's nothing,” Luke replied, shaking his head. “Don't worry about it, go concentrate on the game.”
“Did you do that?” Xander asked curiously.
“Aw, geez,” Luke muttered. “No, okay? Just had ringside seats. Go on, it's all good.”
“Okay,” Xander shrugged. “Here, give him my water, I'll get another one.”
Luke nodded. “Knock 'em dead,” he offered as Xander hurried back to the dugout. Luke handed the water bottle to Dave. “Get your second wind yet?”
“Shit,” Dave muttered, taking a swig of water. “How the hell long were you there?”
“Watch your mouth,” Luke frowned. “Saw the whole thing.”
“Damn it,” Dave moaned. “I mean...shoot.”
“It's okay,” Luke shrugged.
“She isn't like that,” Dave suddenly blurted out. “Grace is...she doesn't...and I wouldn't...she doesn't do that kind of stuff. Not at all,” he stammered.
“That's the impression I've always gotten,” Luke agreed, sitting down on the bench and leaning back against the next riser. “She tends to scorn the...more free spirited girls, if you get my meaning.”
Dave nodded. “I know you don't like me, and that's okay, but seriously, Mr. D., this school is crawling with real...tramps. There's a lot of people here who just, you know, do it. Just for the hell of it. That isn't my scene.”
“I see,” Luke nodded. “There were a few of those types in my day, too.”
“Can I be honest?” Dave asked warily.
“You haven't been up until now?” Luke shot back.
Dave laughed ruefully. “Gracie and I talked about this stuff, okay?”
“What kind of talk?” Luke asked, narrowing his eyes.
“I gotta be straight,” Dave shrugged. “Under the circumstances, and all. We...uh...discussed this kind of thing, especially after, you know, when I first met you?” he chuckled nervously.
“And?” Luke pressed.
“I know you know it, and, um...Grace never...you know, she's never...” Dave explained, scratching his head. “And um, truthfully, I haven't either. Ever,” he emphasized, looking Luke in the eye. “I swear it.”
“Okay,” Luke replied thoughtfully.
“Listen, she drives me nuts, I'm not going to lie,” Dave laughed. “She's totally gorgeous, and she's funny, and she's so damn smart, and I just...she isn't like anyone else out there, you know?”
“I've noticed,” Luke smiled.
“She drives me nuts,” Dave said again, shaking his head. “I think...oh crap, I can't believe I'm going to say this to you.”
“Say it,” Luke grunted.
“I think...I think I love her,” he sighed, ducking his head to hide the blush that crept over his face.
“Crap,” Luke muttered. “Are you serious?”
Dave nodded, smiling at Luke sheepishly. “Totally going to kick my ass now, aren't you?”
“Nah,” Luke admitted. “I guess I have to give you a little credit, you got your ass kicked already today for sticking up for the girl.”
“No, I didn't, “ Dave argued. “I totally won that fight.”
“I think it was a draw,” Luke laughed. “You both fight like girls.”
“Man,” Dave laughed. “What do I have to do to get in with you? I just defended your daughter's honor. That has to score more than just a couple of brownie points.”
“Maybe a few,” Luke admitted.
“I'm not trying to make myself sound like a monk,” Dave continued. “I'm not saying it isn't...you know, difficult, but...I'm not really looking for that...not right now,” he said softly.
“Good to know,” Luke nodded.
“Gracie has plans, and I have plans, and we don't want to screw those things up,” Dave said. “Not too many dancers get their start by getting pregnant at 16.”
“And your plans?” Luke asked. “Pro football, I suppose?”
“Nah,” Dave replied. “Trying to milk a football scholarship out of this, but I want to go into Engineering. I'm pretty fly with the numbers, ya know.”
“Didn't know that,” Luke said. “Gracie is pretty hard core about her dancing.”
“She's really good,” Dave enthused. “I don't really dig the ballet stuff, but she's really good. You can tell she's so much better than anyone else at Miss Patty's.”
“She is,” Luke smiled. “And what if your plans and her plans don't mesh after graduation?”
“I know,” Dave said miserably. “Trust me, I obsess about that all the time. But I guess that's why we don't go...you know...too far. We still have to get through high school, and we don't know what's going on with college, so, I know that stuff could split us up, but I hope it doesn't,” he shrugged.
“I'm going to be honest with you, kid,” Luke began. “I made some decisions when I was your age, and they blew up in my face. I...I loved her, that's all I'm going to say. It wasn't a casual choice, but we were too young to handle the pressure it added to our relationship. Things didn't go the way we thought they were going to go.”
“I get it,” Dave nodded.
“And I'm not just saying this because I'm the guy who's going to rip you to shreds if you ever touch my daughter, because I will,” Luke grinned. “But if I could go back, I would have waited. I should have waited. Hindsight is 20/20, and I'm just offering you the benefit of that hindsight.”
“I'll keep that in mind,” Dave said.
“She's pretty crazy about you too,” Luke admitted. “Hate to say it, but she's nuts about you.”
“Really?” Dave grinned. “Cool.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Luke grunted. “You just keep playing by the rules, and you'll live to see another day.”
“Got the rule book memorized,” Dave nodded enthusiastically. “I'm not going to mess this up.”
“Better not,” Luke growled. “Now shut up already, you pansy. I've missed an entire inning because of your sniveling.”
“Okay,” Dave grinned, leaning back against the riser. “Xander's going to own the team.”
“Yeah, he is,” Luke smiled. “He has a killer fastball.”
“Yeah,” Dave agreed, watching the game.
The pair watched silently for a few minutes, as Xander faced three batters and sent them back to the dugout in defeat.
“Grace is whipping up some spaghetti tonight,” Luke noted.
“She makes some wicked good spaghetti,” Dave replied.
“You could swing by and eat with us, if you aren't doing anything else,” Luke grunted.
“Yeah?” Dave asked warily. “That would be cool.”
“Yeah,” Luke sighed, rolling his eyes. “Cool.”
“Numbers are my thing, not vocabulary,” Dave grinned.
“Just be there on time. We eat at six sharp. If you're late, you're locked out,” Luke growled.
“Got it,” Dave replied. “Thanks, Mr. D.”
“Uh huh,” Luke murmured, distracted. “Now shut up, Xan's batting.”
Dave shut up, and concentrated on the game.
Luke was silent for a few minutes. “You do right by my girl, okay?” he said softly.
Dave nodded. “I will, I swear.”
Chapter 41: The Opposite Of All Right
“Dad when can we go camping?” Sammie asked, rifling through her book bag in the backseat of the family SUV.
“It's getting kind of cool for camping,” Luke sighed, glancing in the rear view mirror.
“But we should go one more time before winter,” Drew chimed in.
“You're killing me,” Luke grumbled as he turned the SUV towards home.
“It'll be fun,” Sammie nodded.
“Fun?” Luke snorted. “You two always beg to go camping, and then when we do, you whine incessantly about not having any access to your MySpace pages.”
“We should go,” Drew argued.
“Why?” Luke asked suspiciously.
Sammie looked at Drew in defeat. “We kind of have a project for science class.”
“What does that have to do with camping?” Luke asked.
“There's a larvae thing we have to do,” Drew explained.
“Larvae?” Luke frowned. “There's no larvae in Stars Hollow?”
“Not the good kind,” Sammie moaned.
“There's good larvae?” Luke chuckled.
“We want better stuff,” Drew explained. “If we go up to the woods, our projects will be a heck of a lot better.”
“Yeah,” Sammie chimed in. “We can't get straight A's if we're just following the crowd.”
“You wouldn't want us to do just the minimum, right Dad?” Drew conned.
“You really think I'm falling for this, guys?” Luke laughed.
“Aw, Dad, come on. Everyone in class is crawling around at the lake taking samples,” Sammie pleaded. “Where else are we going to get samples, the diner?”
“There's no larvae at the diner,” Luke growled.
“But there's tons of it in the woods,” Drew noted.
“Aw, geez,” Luke moaned as they pulled up in front of the house. “I'll see what we can do. No promises.”
“Awesome,” Sammie grinned.
“You're my favorite Dad ever,” Drew said cheerfully.
“Gee, thanks,” Luke snarked. The trio got out of the SUV and made their way into the house. “Get upstairs and get cracking on the homework,” Luke directed.
“Hi Mom,” Sammie yelped as she scurried up the stairs.
“Hiya, Mom,” Drew added, running behind Sammie.
“Hey, lady,” Luke sighed, throwing his keys on the desk. “You're home early.”
“Yep,” Lorelai whispered, not looking up.
Luke looked at Lorelai, feeling a sudden surge of concern. “What's wrong?” he asked.
Lorelai shrugged. “Um, you know, Sookie started a fire in the kitchen, Michel was surly, my Dad died.”
“What?” Luke asked, rushing to Lorelai's side. “Are you serious? What the hell happened? When did it happen? When did you find out? Oh my god, Lorelai,” he choked out, sitting next to his wife.
“Um, I don't know,” Lorelai said quietly. She sat with her head lowered, staring at her lap. Lorelai sniffled, and rubbed her nose roughly. “I, uh...Mom called....and she's got her lawyers buzzing around, and she was all formal, and dutiful....he had a heart attack. Christ, he had a heart attack.”
“Jesus,” Luke whispered, grasping Lorelai's hand. “What do you need me to do, baby?”
“I don't know,” Lorelai replied, her voice cracking.
“Want to just sit here?” Luke asked, running his fingers through Lorelai's hair. Lorelai nodded, and lay her head on Luke's chest. Luke hugged her close, kissing her gently on the top of her head. “I'm sorry, hon, I'm so sorry,” he murmured as Lorelai tried to fight back her tears.
“Hey, Mom, we have field trip papers that need signed,” Drew bellowed, running down the stairs. Luke held up his hand as the boy approached. Drew skidded to a halt, and looked quizzically toward Lorelai. “Mom?” he asked, confused by Lorelai's demeanor.
“Hey, Doo, why don't you give your Mom and me some alone time here?” Luke whispered.
“No,” Lorelai moaned, sitting up. “Doo, go get your sister, we need to talk.”
“Now?” Luke asked uncertainly. “Sure you don't need a minute to...”
Lorelai shook her head. “Now,” she whispered.
“Get Sammie,” Luke nodded at Drew.
Drew turned around and threw back his head. “Sammie!” he bellowed.
Lorelai smiled wanly. “Atta boy,” she said shakily.
“What?” Sammie yelled from the top of the stairs.
“Come down here!” Drew hollered back.
Sammie clomped down the stairs. “What for?” she asked, looking at Lorelai and furrowing her brow.
Lorelai leaned forward and grabbed a tissue, blowing her nose. “We gotta talk, guys.”
“Uh oh,” Drew sighed.
“Didn't do it,” Sammie said.
“Something happened,” Luke sighed. “Uh...want to sit down, guys?”
Drew and Sammie plopped down onto the love seat. “What's up?” Drew asked nervously.
Lorelai drew in a deep breath of air. “It's your grandfather, Sweetie. He...he had a heart attack.”
“Oh crap,” Sammie moaned.
“Is he okay?” Drew asked, wide eyed.
“He passed away, Babies,” Lorelai replied softly, her voice wavering.
“Gramp?” Drew gasped.
“Oh crap,” Sammie sighed again. She grabbed a throw pillow and buried her face in it.
“Gramp?” Drew asked again, looking from Sammie to Lorelai.
“You okay, guys?” Luke asked.
“Gramp,” Drew whispered. Sammie sniffled loudly into the pillow, not raising her head.
Drew stood up and started to walk out of the room.
“Doo?” Lorelai whispered. Drew only shook his head, and walked out the front door, hands jammed in his pockets. “Luke,” she sighed.
“Just give him a minute,” Luke replied, stroking Lorelai's face. “He just needs to collect himself.”
“Gramp,” Sam moaned, her voice muffled.
“Come here, Baby,” Lorelai urged. Sammie got up and ran to Lorelai, squeezing between her parents, and lowering her head into Lorelai's lap.
Luke rubbed Sammie's back as she lay with Lorelai. “I'll go call April and Rory,” he murmured, kissing Lorelai's forehead. “Are you going to be okay?” he asked, his brow furrowed with concern.
Lorelai nodded, and Luke rose to his feet. He grabbed the telephone and walked out to the kitchen to make the phone calls.
Grace and Xander walked in through the front door. “Hey Mom?” Grace said. “What's up with Doo? He's acting weird.”
“Weirder than normal,” Xander pointed out.
“Guys, come over here,” Lorelai sighed. “Got some bad news.”
“Oh boy,” Xander replied, sitting next to Lorelai. “What's up with her?” he asked, looking at Sammie.
“Gramp,” Sammie muttered, swiping angrily at the tears that were rolling down her cheek.
“What about Gramp?” Grace asked, sitting next to Sammie. “Mom? What's wrong with Gramp?”
“He had a heart attack today,” Lorelai sighed, closing her eyes. “He didn't make it, Sweetie.”
“Jesus,” Xander whispered, raising his hands to his baseball cap.
“Oh,” Grace said softly, raising her hand to her mouth. “Oh, Gramp.”
Lorelai swiped away a tear that had escaped from her eye. “It was quick,” she explained in a dull monotone. “He probably didn't...you know...it probably...it happened quickly.”
Luke walked back into the living room. “Hi, guys,” he said softly. “Uh, Rory and April are getting here as quickly as they can, okay?”
Lorelai nodded.
“Rory said she will call you back tonight,” Luke added. “Give you some time to...I don't know,” he sighed. “This sucks.”
“Yeah,” Xander nodded. “This blows. Christ.”
“I'm going to go check in with your mother,” Luke decided. Lorelai looked at Luke quizzically.
“Okay,” she nodded. “Um...maybe I should go, too.”
“You stay here,” Luke advised. “I'll tell her you need to be with the kids, and I'm just going to make sure she doesn't need any assistance. We'll all go over tomorrow.”
“Okay,” Lorelai said distantly.
“We got her,” Grace said, grabbing a tissue.
“I'll be back as soon as I can, call if you need anything,” Luke replied, grabbing his keys and heading out the door. He stopped on the porch, watching Drew. “You okay, guy?” Luke asked.
Drew shrugged, wiping his tear stained face. “Fine,” he muttered.
“I need to check on your grandmother,” Luke explained. “Can I count on you to keep an eye out on your mother for me?
Drew nodded and got to his feet, walking past Luke. Luke reached out and stopped the boy, putting his arms around him. “Nothing wrong with being upset,” Luke whispered. Drew sighed heavily into Luke's chest.
“I hate this,” Drew muttered.
“Me too,” Luke replied. “Go take care of your Mom, okay?”
“Okay,” Drew nodded, and walked into the house.
Luke returned a couple of hours later. He walked into the house, frowning at the emptiness of the living room. Luke walked into the kitchen, but nobody was there, either. He peeked into the bedrooms on the first floor, but Xander and Grace were nowhere to be found. Luke climbed the stairs, looking down the hall at the twins' darkened bedrooms. “Where the hell is everybody?” he wondered aloud as he headed for his and Lorelai's bedroom.
Luke opened the door, and leaned on the door frame, silently observing the tangle of Danes family flopped on the bed. Lorelai lay in the center of the bed, a twin in each arm. Grace and Xander bookended the group. All of the children were fast asleep. Luke walked toward the bed and grabbed the blanket that was bunched up at the foot of the bed. He pulled the blanket up over Grace, Sammie, and Lorelai, then walked to the other side of the bed, covering Drew and Xander with the other end of the blanket.
Lorelai stirred, opening her eyes as Luke moved around the room. “Hey,” she murmured. “How is she?”
“She's okay,” Luke shrugged. “She's on autopilot.”
“Is she mad at me for not coming?” Lorelai whispered.
“No,” Luke said, shaking his head. “She said to just take care of the kids and she'll see us tomorrow.”
“But is she okay?” Lorelai repeated.
“Of course not,” Luke said softly. “But she isn't accepting it yet.”
“I should be there,” Lorelai sighed.
“She needs her time,” Luke explained. “She needs to deal with it on her own at the moment.”
“How did you get so good at reading people?” Lorelai asked.
“I remember my Dad when Mom died,” Luke shrugged. “And Buddy. And hell, me after Dad died. Sometimes, you just need to be alone to figure things out.”
“Thanks for checking on her,” Lorelai smiled.
“How are they?” Luke asked, regarding the sleeping children.
“Miserable,” Lorelai sighed. “Big fat misery club.”
“They love him,” Luke replied.
“Yeah,” Lorelai said. “They made me dinner, and made me watch some Ab Fab.”
“So they wanted to torture you?” Luke grimaced.
“I like our kids,” Lorelai said, her eyes welling up.
“They're good kids,” Luke grinned.
“Family takes care of family,” Lorelai replied softly. “Glad that rule always seems to stick.”
“We should get some sleep,” Luke pointed out.
“Gonna be a long day tomorrow,” Lorelai frowned. “I really don't want it to come. I'm not ready for this, Luke.”
“I know,” Luke sighed. “I'm sorry.”
“How did you do it?” Lorelai asked, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I mean, you were seven when your Mom died. How the hell did you do it? And you were barely a grown up when you lost your dad. How? I can barely breathe, and at least I have the slightest hint of comfort in knowing at least Dad lived a long life.”
“I don't know,” Luke answered truthfully. “You just...keep going on. I don't know how to explain it.”
“Come to bed,” Lorelai murmured.
Luke nodded. “Let me get changed.” Luke grabbed his pajama pants and a t shirt, and headed for the bathroom. He re-emerged in a few minutes.
Luke walked to his side of the bed. “Uh, Lorelai?” he asked.
“Hmm?” she intoned.
“Where the hell am I going to sleep?”
Chapter 42: Chuck Berry And A Funeral
The Danes family stood at the door to the Gilmore residence. Lorelai gripped Luke's hand tightly as Xander rang the doorbell.
“Okay,” Lorelai breathed. “I can do this. We can do this.”
“I'm right here,” Luke murmured, bringing Lorelai's hand to his lips, and brushing a soft kiss across her knuckles. “Not going anywhere.”
“Better not,” Lorelai said shakily.
The maid answered the door. “Mr. Danes, Mrs. Danes, please come in,” she greeted them, offering a sad smile to Lorelai. The family walked into the sitting room, where Emily sat sipping a cup of tea.
“Hi, Mom,” Lorelai whispered.
“Hello, Lorelai,” Emily said primly.
“How are you holding up, Mom?” Lorelai asked.
“Well, the flowers arrangements are nothing like I wanted, that insufferable funeral director has no spine when it comes to the florist, so I guess we'll have white lilies,” Emily complained. “Can you believe that? Very...predictable. Richard hates lilies.”
Lorelai stared at Emily. “So it's the flowers that are bothering you, not the Dad is dead concept?” she asked sharply.
Emily returned Lorelai's gaze. “Lorelai,” she began.
“Never mind,” Lorelai retorted, sitting down on the couch.
Emily was silent for a moment. “It's easier worrying about the flowers,” she whispered, nervously smoothing her skirt.
“I get it,” Lorelai nodded, relaxing a bit.
“Well come and sit, children,” Emily sighed, motioning for them to sit down. Luke herded the children the rest of the way into the sitting room.
“Grammy,” Grace said sadly, and sank to her knees, giving Emily a hug.
“Gracie,” Emily whispered.
“I miss him,” Grace sighed, her voice quaking.
“Me too,” Emily replied, kissing Grace on the forehead.
“Hey, Grammy,” Xander said. He bent over and kissed Emily's cheek. “This really sucks,” he muttered as Emily stroked his cheek.
“Yes, it does,” she smiled wanly. Emily rose to her feet. “Well?” she asked, looking expectantly at the twins. Sammie and Drew hurried to Emily and threw their arms around her.
“Thank you,” Emily sighed. “It's comforting having an infinite supply of hugs.”
“Rory will get in tomorrow morning, and April is flying in this evening,” Luke informed Emily.
“Good,” Emily nodded. “It will be good to see them. They both called last evening. I'm sorry they have to go to so much trouble.”
“It's no trouble, Mom,” Lorelai said softly. “It's just family.”
“Yes,” Emily replied. “It is, isn't it?”
“Have you eaten?” Luke asked.
“No, I haven't,” Emily frowned. “Cook doesn't come in until later this afternoon, and I haven't really considered any food.”
“Well, we'll go whip something up,” Luke offered. “Come on, brats, let's go wrangle up some sandwiches or something.” Luke led the children into the kitchen, leaving Emily and Lorelai alone.
“So,” Lorelai said, clearing her throat.
“This is odd,” Emily said, a distant look in her eyes.
“Yeah,” Lorelai whispered. “Mom...”
“Yes?” Emily asked.
“Just...I don't know, I don't know how to act,” Lorelai groaned. “I want to cry, but if I do, I won't stop, but I want the knot in my stomach to go away, and I don't know how to make it go away.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” Emily replied. She rose to her feet and moved to the couch, sitting down next to Lorelai. “I don't know how to do this,” she shrugged, tears welling up in her eyes. “I don't know how to not be his wife anymore.”
“Oh, Mom,” Lorelai moaned, laying her head on Emily's shoulder. “I don't know how to not have a father anymore.”
“I suppose we both have a lot to learn,” Emily murmured. “He was so proud of you,” she added, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief.
“Really?” Lorelai asked, not moving her head.
“All he ever bragged about at our social engagements was his beautiful entrepreneur daughter, and his restaurateur son-in-law, and the lovely babies they made,” Emily smiled. “He stole that from you, that awful 'Luke and Lorelai make beautiful babies' proclamation.”
“Some of my best material,” Lorelai grinned, swiping a tear from her cheek.
“He loved those babies,” Emily mused. “Every one of them. And he loved April, too. Just the same as he loved Rory and the rest.”
“I know,” Lorelai sniffled. “I loved that you two accepted her so easily.”
“She's family,” Emily nodded. “And you have a very thoughtful husband. I was shocked to see him last night. He was very kind.”
“He wanted to make sure you were okay,” Lorelai sighed. “I should have come, too, but I wasn't ready to face it yet.”
“I understand,” Emily assured Lorelai. “I think it would have been too much, last night. I needed to...not face it yet, as well.”
“Was he seriously still calling Luke an restaurateur?” Lorelai giggled through her tears.
“Yes,” Emily smiled. “He was.”
“I love you, Mom,” Lorelai murmured. “I know I don't say it, but I do.”
Emily rubbed Lorelai's shoulder thoughtfully. “I love you too, Lorelai,” she replied softly.
“I miss him,” Lorelai gasped. She buried her face in her hand. “I really miss him.”
“I miss him too,” Emily sighed, as she began to shed tears of her own. She reached for Lorelai's free hand, clutching it tightly in her own as they wept.
“Well, we have some semblance of a lunch thrown together,” Luke announced as he and the children walked back into the sitting room.
“Thank you, Luke,” Emily sniffled, wiping her tears away.
“Aw, Grammy,” Sammie sighed, and wiggled in between Emily and Lorelai.
“Pushy,” Lorelai laughed, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.
“Move it,” Sammie muttered, wiggling her hips to nudge Lorelai over.
“I'm moving, I'm moving,” Lorelai retorted. “Brat.”
“Did I mention how much this sucks?” Xander groaned, flopping on the couch next to Emily.
“Such a vocabulary,” Emily smiled.
“He didn't get to see me pitch,” Xander murmured, looking at Emily sadly.
“He wanted to,” Emily sighed. “He was really eager to be at your first real game.”
Drew plopped next to Lorelai. “Hey, Sport, how you doing?” she asked.
Drew shrugged and stared at his shoes, as Lorelai ruffled his hair. He leaned his head on Lorelai's shoulder and sighed shakily. “I know,” she whispered, wrapping her arm around Drew.
“Geez,” Grace moaned, and buried her face in Luke's chest. “Gramp.”
“It's okay, baby girl,” Luke soothed, stroking Grace's curls as she broke down.
“I could really use Bunbun,” Grace groaned. “Haven't needed Bunbun in years.”
“Liar,” Luke chuckled. “I saw you break out Bunbun when you were trying to get into Miss Patty's advanced class.”
“If you tell Dave about Bunbun, I'm going to kill you,” Grace wept. “Bunbun is classified information.”
“Only if you admit Bunbun gets busted out more than you cop to,” Luke whispered.
“Fine,” Grace admitted, her voice muffled. “Bunbun works under the table.”
“That's what I thought,” Luke smiled. “Bunbun is good people.”
Grace nodded against Luke's chest.
“Okay, so we're just the sorriest bunch of people ever assembled,” Lorelai sighed, wiping away her tears.
“Pathetic,” Sammie chimed in, wiping her nose with a tissue.
“Let's go eat, Grammy,” Xander urged.
“I don't think I'm very hungry,” Emily sighed.
“Just try, okay?” Xander pleaded.
“All right, I will,” Emily smiled.
Lorelai stood up and held her hand out to Emily. “Come on Mom,” she smiled. “Let's go get some grub, then we're going to organize one humdinger of a send off for Dad.”
Emily took Lorelai's hand and stood next to her. “I still need to select some music, would you help with that?”
Lorelai nodded. “Absolutely.”
“Chuck Berry!” Sammie yelped.
“At a funeral?” Emily asked as they walked out to the dining room.
“Absolutely,” Grace squealed. “Gramp would totally flip if we did that.”
“Flip?” Emily asked. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
“I think it's good in this context,” Luke laughed.
“Chuck Berry at Richard's funeral,” Emily mused. “I do believe he would love that.”
ooo
The family gathered two days later at the Gilmore private burial plot. Emily had chosen to have a church service for family and friends, but a private burial, with only immediate family present. The gathered family stood silently at Richard's coffin as the Reverend intoned the final burial ceremony. Emily and Lorelai stood together in front of Luke and the children, clutching each other's hand tightly. Rory stood behind April, her arms wrapped around April's shoulders as the pair sniffled miserably throughout the service. Luke stood with his arm around a silently weeping Grace, and his other hand on Xander's shoulder as Xander stared glumly at the flowers on Richard's coffin.
Luke studied Xander for a moment, realizing that the boy's intense stare was probably at least partially due to his desperate battle to not start sneezing at the pungent aromas emanating from the dangerously close floral arrangement. Luke felt a small smile twitch at the corner of his mouth as he saw Xander's reddened nose wrinkle up slightly from the effort. Luke felt a little guilty about the smirk he was trying to fight back, but figured Richard would be more than a little amused to witness the boy's battle with his own sinuses, and would forgive Luke his transgression.
Luke glanced beyond Xander, to make sure Sammie and Drew were doing okay. Sammie was leaning on Drew's shoulder, while Drew absentmindedly twirled a lock of Sammie's hair around his finger. It was something the boy had done since Sammie had first sprouted hair, and on the rare occasion that they were in need of comfort from one another, Drew tended to fall back on the old habit. As a baby, Sammie never sucked her own thumb, but Drew's thumb was always fair game. Lorelai and Luke had spent many a time howling in laughter as Drew tried to crawl away from the girl, only to have Sammie eventually tackle him and take possession of his thumb. Lorelai's absolute favorite photo of the twins as infants was a shot of the two sleeping side by side on the floor, each baby sucking contentedly on the other's thumb. The picture was still proudly displayed on the mantle in their living room, much to the chagrin of the twins. Luke sighed, grateful that the usually bickering duo still had no problem falling back on standard twin solidarity when the going got rough.
Luke turned his focus to his other side, narrowing his eyes at Dave McArdle. The boy was clearly out of his element in the suit and tie, and kept glancing nervously at the ground. Luke looked at him quizzically. Dave looked from the casket to the ground yet again. Luke choked down a snort as Dave shifted slightly away from Grace. Luke, just before the graveside service, had thrown out one of the random threats he tended to hurl at the boy just for entertainment value. He had gruffly told Dave to stay at least three paces away from Grace. Luke was pretty certain the boy had just realized he was slightly past the allotted distance and had adjusted accordingly. Luke shook his head, trying to refocusing on the Reverend's words. He made a mental note to go a little easier on the kid. As much as Luke hated to admit it, Dave had been nothing but a stellar boyfriend to Grace, especially in the last couple of days. Grace was having an especially difficult time dealing with Richard's death, and Dave was jumping through hoops trying to find ways to cheer the girl up. The twins had each other, and Xander spent a lot of time venting his grief at the batting cages. Emily had a herd of grandchildren more than eager to comfort her. Lorelai and Rory still had their best friends bond to rely on, and April's bluntness tended to keep her from bottling up too much emotion. Grace still was the most sensitive of the crew. Luke sympathized. She was cursed with the same fix-it gene he possessed, and he was more than familiar with that sense of utter helplessness when there was nothing that could be repaired. Luke was a bit overwhelmed trying to look out for Emily, keeping Lorelai from falling apart, and splitting the comforting father role amongst six kids. It twisted his stomach into knots to peek in on his sixteen year old daughter and find her sleeping fitfully, clutching that beat up old purple bunny she'd had since the day she was born.
The Reverend finished with his final blessing and Emily approached him to offer her thanks. Lorelai stood by herself by her father's casket.
“Hey baby girl,” Luke whispered. “I'm going to check in on your mother okay?” Grace nodded and unleashed her grip on Luke, wiping the tears from her eyes. Dave took a step back, eying Luke warily. Luke rolled his eyes. “Prop her up, will you?” he grunted at the boy. Dave nodded and stepped forward, putting his arm around Grace's waist and leading her away.
Luke walked up behind Lorelai, wrapping his arms around her. “How you holding up?” he whispered.
Lorelai shrugged, leaning back into Luke's embrace. “Daddy,” she moaned softly.
“I know,” Luke sighed, kissing Lorelai's temple. “Believe me, I know.”
“We have to take care of Mom now,” Lorelai choked out, tears still streaming down her face. “I don't think she'll handle this very well for a long while.”
“No,” Luke replied. “It's going to take her a long time.”
“So, we'll look out for her, right?” Lorelai asked.
“Of course we will,” Luke assured her.
“She said Dad told her she could go first,” Lorelai sighed. “It doesn't work that way, does it?”
“Nope,” Luke nodded. “The world would be a boring place if we got everything we wanted.”
“Huh,” Lorelai smiled through her tears. “See, I got everything I wanted, and life isn't so boring.”
“Yeah,” Luke agreed. “But see, we have to take our lumps in exchange for getting what we wanted.”
“This is one hell of a lump,” Lorelai said sadly. “Did it feel like this for you?” she asked. “Did it feel like you just wanted to stand in the middle of the room and scream until you didn't have a voice left?”
“Pretty much,” Luke admitted. “I did the next best thing, though.”
“What?” Lorelai asked, curious.
“I got really, really drunk,” Luke grinned.
“Really?” Lorelai smiled.
“Passed out in Liz's bean bag chair,” he chuckled.
“Luke was a bad boy,” Lorelai laughed softly.
Luke looked over his shoulder, making sure there were no prying ears. “Know what else?” he continued.
“What?” Lorelai asked.
“Liz gave me a joint,” Luke groaned, ducking his head into Lorelai's shoulder.
“Oh my god,” Lorelai gasped, spinning around to face Luke. “You? 'Only Dopes Use Dope' Danes hit the wacky weed?”
Luke shrugged. “It was a really rough night,” he offered weakly. “And it was only one time.”
“And let me guess, you didn't inhale?” Lorelai snorted, covering her mouth with her hand.
“Oh, I inhaled,” Luke admitted. “Don't let that get out, okay? I think even Liz forgot about that.”
“Well, yeah, with all the boozing and the drugging,” Lorelai snarked. “Did you snort a line of ants, too? Bite the head off of a bat?”
“No,” Luke sighed. “I just turned my Dad's hardware store into a diner. It was a pretty controversial move at the time. People were still asking me if I sold ball peen hammers three years after I opened Luke's.”
“Hey, Luke?” Lorelai asked, laying her head on his chest.
“Yeah?” Luke replied, stroking Lorelai's hair.
“Can we make unrealistic promises about death?” she asked softly. “Just so I can sleep easier at night?”
“Sure,” Luke smiled. “What kind of promises are we talking about?”
“You and me,” Lorelai explained. “Let's never, ever die, okay?”
“Okay,” Luke nodded. “We won't die. We'll just keep going on and on and on.”
“Good,” Lorelai sighed. “Because I don't want to go first, and I don't want to go second, so that leaves us in the difficult position of settling for immortality.”
“It's a burden,” Luke agreed. “I'm sure we can work something out, though.”
“Thanks,” Lorelai smiled. “I love you, even if you are a liar.”
“I love you, too,” Luke whispered.
Chapter 43: One Bad Turn And One Confused Boyfriend
Luke stared at Kirk, exasperated. “Kirk, by the time you get your order in, I'll be closing for the night,” Luke sighed.
“I'm having difficulty narrowing down my choices,” Kirk replied, frowning as he scanned the diner menu.
“Do I have to tell you how many years it's been since I've changed the menu?” Luke growled.
“It's been a while,” Kirk mused.
“So why are you having difficulty?” Luke moaned.
“I just can't decide between the grilled cheese and tomato soup, or the meat loaf platter,” Kirk explained.
Luke glared at Kirk, and began to scribble in his pad. “Okay, good choice, one hot roast beef sandwich coming right up.”
“What?” Kirk asked, looking up at Luke in confusion. “I didn't...”
“I'll have your order out in a minute,” Luke replied, turning around and heading for the kitchen.
“But I...I think I want meat loaf,” Kirk yelled after Luke.
“You snooze you lose, Kirk,” Luke yelled over his shoulder.
“Okay,” Kirk pouted. “Can I get extra mashed potatoes?”
“That depends,” Luke grunted. “Does Lulu like you better alive or dead?”
“Uh, alive, I think,” Kirk stammered.
“Then the answer is 'no',” Luke shrugged, grabbing the coffee pot and filling up the cup of a diner sitting at the counter.
“Okay,” Kirk said in defeat.
Lorelai walked into the diner and sidled up to the counter. “Hey, big boy,” she said seductively.
“What are you doing here?” Luke asked, frowning at his watch.
“What do you say we go for a ride, gorgeous?” Lorelai asked, flirtatiously curling a lock of her hair around her finger.
“Why?” Luke asked, looking at Lorelai suspiciously.
“Because it's a nice night for a ride?” Lorelai shrugged. “Because things have been kind of grim lately, and getting out would be nice?”
“What's up?” Luke asked as Lorelai nervously straightened up a pile of menus.
“Um, okay, just don't flip out on me, okay?” Lorelai began.
Luke folded his arms and fixed a penetrating gaze on Lorelai's face. “What...is...going...on?” he asked through clenched teeth.
“Okay, so, it's no big deal, but, um...Grace kind of took a spill at her dance lesson, and she twisted her ankle pretty bad,” Lorelai blurted out.
“Crap,” Luke sighed, “Caesar! I'm out! Emergency!”
“Okay, Boss!” Caesar yelled.
“Finish up and find a home,” Luke told the smattering of customers. “We're closed.”
“Calm down,” Lorelai sighed as Luke grabbed his jacket.
“Where is she? How bad is it? Is it just a sprain?” Luke asked storming out of the diner with Lorelai hot on his heels.
“In the car, I don't know, and that's why we're going to the hospital, for an x-ray,” Lorelai explained as Luke spotted Lorelai's car and headed toward it. “Calm down,” Lorelai repeated. “And I'm driving.”
Luke pulled open the back door of the car. “Are you okay?” he rasped, peering in at Grace.
Grace lay across the back seat of the car, her foot propped up on her bag. She waved at Luke and smiled sheepishly. “Oops,” she shrugged. “Big problem with the jette?”
“Geez,” Luke muttered, closing the back door, and getting in the passenger side door.
“We're fine,” Lorelai smiled, getting behind the steering wheel. “I figured you'd garrote me if I didn't pick you up, though.”
“Got that right,” Luke sighed. “Where's the rest of the kids?”
“Xander is heading up Operation Pizza Delivery/Con The Twins Into Going To Bed at the Crap Shack,” Lorelai replied.
“You okay?” Luke asked again, turning to look at Grace.
“Just avoid potholes, that's all I ask,” she begged as Lorelai began to drive toward the hospital.
“Can you move it?” Luke frowned, twisting around in his seat to try and see Grace's foot. “Wait, maybe you shouldn't be moving it. Is it swollen? Is it...like, black?”
“I twisted it, Pop, I didn't get frostbite,” Grace sighed.
“Did you hear anything?” Luke pressed.
“Like what?” Grace laughed.
“Like a 'pop', or a 'snap'?” Luke shrugged.
“I heard my butt hitting the floor, and I heard myself say 'Crap' and 'Ow',” Grace replied, rolling her eyes. “I'm sure I wouldn't be so chatty if it were broken, Pop.”
“Just checking,” Luke scowled. “I'm concerned about my kid. Sue me.”
“Give me fifty bucks over allowance, and we can settle out of court,” Grace beamed.
“Fat chance,” Luke snorted. “You at least need a blood transfusion before that kind of blackmail will work on me.”
“Will you two knock it off?” Lorelai laughed. “Seriously, being trapped in the car with the Bickersons isn't my idea of quality entertainment.”
“We're not bickering,” Luke sulked, sliding down in his seat.
“Hey, G, want your Pop to give Dave a heads up?” Lorelai asked.
“Huh?” Grace asked.
Luke pulled out his cell phone. “What's his number? I'll hand it off to you, I'm not really interested in making small talk with Doug Flutie there.”
“Oh, don't worry about it,” Grace shrugged. “No reason to call him.”
“What do you mean?” Lorelai asked, glancing in the rear view mirror. “Afraid he may throw himself on his own sword if he hears the fair Gracie has been injured?”
“Nah,” Grace said, shaking her head. “I just don't feel like talking right now.”
“To Dave?” Lorelai giggled. “You get the D.T.s if you don't get to school twenty minutes early just so you two can console each other over having to spend a whole ten hours apart.”
“Do not,” Grace muttered, setting her hair free from the loose bun she had gathered it into for her lesson.
Luke laughed out loud. “Gracie, I need you, I love you, you're the air I breathe,” Luke said in a deep voice. “Oh Dave, I can't possibly survive an entire round of REM sleep without you,” he continued in a falsetto voice. Luke lowered his voice again as Lorelai laughed out loud. “Take my jacket so you can inhale my football fumes. No, take my socks, my fungus will keep you company.” Luke elevated his voice an couple of octaves. “Oh, Dave, take my tutu so you won't be lonely. No, take my shower puff, it smells like my soap.”
“Pop,” Grace yelled furiously. “Knock it the hell off, I don't want to deal with him right now, okay?”
“Sorry,” Luke mumbled, flinching at the sharpness in Grace's voice. “And watch your mouth.”
“Sorry,” Grace sighed.
“What's up?” Lorelai asked as they pulled up to the Emergency Room entrance.
“Later,” Grace shrugged. “I gotta deal with my foot, right now.”
“Okay,” Lorelai nodded, looking at Luke with concern on her face.
Luke shrugged back at Lorelai. “Okay, kid, am I carrying you in or should I get a wheelchair?”
“Wheelchair,” Grace replied, picking at a button on her jacket. “Don't want you to knock the synthetic thigh out of whack.”
Luke nodded and got out of the car, in search of a wheelchair.
“Anything happen that should concern us?” Lorelai asked pointedly.
“Mom, it's no big deal,” Grace sighed. “Its just...we're not together anymore.”
“We'll talk about this later, right?” Lorelai cajoled. “Don't pull the Luke routine and clam up on me, Babe.”
“Later,” Grace promised halfheartedly.
“I'm sorry, Sweetie,” Lorelai offered sincerely as Luke returned with a wheelchair, opening the door for Grace.
Luke leaned into the car, gathering Grace into his arms. “Pop, be careful,” Grace hissed as he began to lift her up.
“I can handle two steps, G, I don't have a styrofoam insert in the leg,” Luke grinned, pulling Grace out of the car and sitting her gently in the chair. “See? No damage,” Luke grunted as Lorelai pushed Grace into the hospital. Lorelai glared surreptitiously at him as he grimaced in pain and fell into step behind the girls, trying not to limp noticeably.
As soon as Grace was whisked away for an examination and an x-ray, Lorelai whipped around to face Luke. “You're going to end up with yet another surgery if you keep doing dumb things like that, mister.”
“It was just for a second,” Luke sighed. “Momentary discomfort, I wasn't going to run in here with her slung over my shoulder, and spike her at the Admissions desk.”
Lorelai snorted. “That's an awesome image.”
Luke grinned and shook his head. “Get any dirt on the Dave situation? I was trying to give you time to grill her.”
“Good job, Poppy,” Lorelai gasped. “Always thinking ahead.”
Luke nodded, tapping himself on the temple. “Gotta cover all the bases.”
Lorelai leaned close to Luke. “They broke up,” she whispered.
“What?” Luke bellowed. “What did he do to her? Did he try to...Oh, I'm going to kill that putz, what did he say to her? If he laid one finger on her, I will rip his fucking head off. What the hell happened? Huh?”
Lorelai grabbed Luke by the shoulders. “Calm down, you're scaring the normal people,” she hissed. “Watch your mouth, keep your voice down, and I don't know, she didn't say.”
“Oh, he's dead,” Luke growled, slouching back in his chair. “He is so beyond dead. Death will be way too lenient for that putz.”
“Just keep your cool until we figure out what happened,” Lorelai urged. “They're sixteen. Boyfriends come and go, okay?
Luke stared at the wall as they waited for news on Grace's condition, plotting Dave's imminent demise. The time passed quickly as he ran through various painful scenarios in his mind. He had finally settled on vivisection with a side of thumb breaking when he noticed Grace being rolled out of the examination area by an orderly.
“What's the verdict?” Lorelai asked, hurrying to Grace's side. Luke followed Lorelai over and took control of the wheelchair.
“Sprain,” Grace shrugged. “Got some crutches. Not too bad.”
“I'll get the car,” Luke murmured, kissing Grace on the head and leaving the girls to handle the discharge procedure.
The threesome drove back to Stars Hollow in relative silence. Luke peered at Grace in the rear view mirror. “Feeling okay?” he finally asked.
“Sleepy,” Grace yawned. “Good pills they gave me.”
“Junkie,” Lorelai smiled.
“You stay home from school tomorrow,” Luke insisted as they pulled up in front of the house. “Need to stay off that foot for a day, give it a jump start in the healing process.”
“Okay,” Grace nodded. “Want my bed,” she smiled loopily. “Sleep would be...divinely.”
“Oh boy,” Lorelai smirked. “She's totally baked.”
Luke and Lorelai guided Grace out of the car and helped her into the house and into her bedroom. “Scat, Poppy,” Lorelai shooed, sitting on the bed next to Grace. “I'll help her get ready for bed.”
Luke walked out of the bedroom and stood in the middle of the living room. Xander was asleep on the couch, an empty pizza box in his lap. “Bottomless pit,” Luke sighed, narrowing his eyes as he saw a shadow pass in front of the door. Luke walked over to the foyer, grabbing his cane before he flung the door open. He stepped out onto the porch and looked around suspiciously. “Show yourself, punk,” he growled menacingly.
“Hey,” Dave whispered, appearing at the foot of the stairs.
“Don't hey, me,” Luke said icily. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Christie said Grace got hurt,” Dave shrugged. “Just wanted to make sure she was okay.”
“Okay?” Luke repeated through clenched teeth. He stomped down the porch steps, stopping directly in front of Dave. “Okay? Boy, you are one noble guy, McArdle. It's none of your business how she's doing, got it? Get out of here, go find yourself some easy tail.”
“What do you mean?” Dave asked, startled. “I don't...I didn't...”
“Whatever,” Luke seethed. “I almost bought your act, ya know? I thought, 'Hey, maybe the kid ain't half bad.' Boy, was I an idiot. You dump her less than a month after her grandfather dies? That's low, kid, you didn't have to kick her when she was down.”
“Listen,” Dave said tersely. “I don't know what she told you, but that's not the deal, okay, Mr. D.? I didn't dump her, she dumped me. Obviously it's news to you, too, so do me a favor, if she comes up with a reason for it, give me a call, okay? I'm really curious about the reasoning myself, since I didn't do a god damned thing wrong!”
Luke stared at Dave. He took in Dave's appearance, the flushed cheeks and the trembling hands. Hell, if Luke didn't know any better, he could swear there were tears in the kid's eyes.
“Shit,” Luke whispered. “She really did dump you, didn't she?”
“Why?” Dave asked helplessly. “What did I do? I thought I was doing things...right, you know? She's been so moody and down, and I was trying to give her some room, but she'd get mad at me, say I was being distant, so I tried to be all comforting, and she said I was smothering her. What the heck was I doing wrong, Mr. D?” he asked, his voice cracking.
Luke folded his arms and shrugged his shoulders. “Welcome to the secret life of girls, my boy,” he groaned. “I've been in the game for decades, and I have yet to figure out all the rules.”
“What should I do?” Dave asked. “I don't want to break up. I don't want it to just end like that.”
“Gotta respect her choices,” Luke sighed. “Maybe it was the right choice, maybe it was the wrong choice, but either way, she chose. You have to accept that.”
“Aw, man,” Dave moaned, scrubbing his face with his hands.
“Listen,” Luke grunted. He couldn't believe he was about to say what he felt coming to his lips. “I don't know what the deal is. She isn't talking...yet. So, maybe you should, you know, keep your distance, but be open if she comes around, okay? I have a feeling she isn't thinking too clearly right now. Maybe she did something impulsive, and will want to make it right. Just keep yourself open if she wants to talk, okay?”
“She's been really depressed,” Dave pointed out.
“She's been down since her grandfather died,” Luke nodded.
“But it's more,” Dave pressed. “I think she's really, actually depressed, you know?”
“What do you mean?” Luke asked, narrowing his eyes.
“I don't think she's like, on the verge of doing anything crazy,” Dave explained. “But I think you don't realize how really off she is.”
“You think I don't know my own kid?” Luke asked sharply.
“I think Gracie is good at acting like she's okay when she isn't, sometimes,” Dave shrugged. “You're always telling me you remember what it was like to be my age, so, did your Dad know everything you were feeling?”
Luke blinked. Damn, the kid had a point. “Is she doing anything?” Luke asked, a knot forming in his stomach. “Is she, you know, drinking? Or anything else?”
“No,” Dave said emphatically. “I swear it, she isn't doing anything like that. I wouldn't lie about that, okay? She's just off, and I guess...I'm worried, okay?” he sighed miserably.
“Off how?” Luke pressed.
“Off, like staring into space even when someone's talking to her, not paying attention in class,” Dave explained. “She's been kind of blowing everybody off lately, spending lunch in the library, and...crap, she's going to kill me.”
“What?” Luke asked.
“She ditched a couple of classes last week, and when I went looking for her, I found her behind the school.”
“Doing what?” Luke asked.
“Just sitting there,” Dave exclaimed. “She had a stick, drawing circles in the dirt. Nobody ditches to just sit behind the school.”
“She is kinda going all Unabomber,” Xander piped up. Luke looked up to see Xander standing at the porch railing.
“You think he's right?” Luke asked Xander.
Xander nodded. “She gets kind of phony around you guys, acting all silly, but she's pretty moody at school.”
“Why didn't you say anything?” Luke asked.
“Thought it was just me,” Xander shrugged. “And she is the PMS queen. I figured she was just quitting the Midol cold turkey, or something.”
“But Dave's making sense?” Luke queried.
“Yeah,” Xander agreed. “She's off,” he sighed, turning and going back into the house.
“Geez,” Luke sighed. “Okay. Okay, kid, you just go home. You keep your distance. Lay low, okay? Lorelai and I are going to figure this out, okay?”
“Okay,” Dave nodded, relieved. “I seriously just want her to be okay.”
“Yeah,” Luke said distractedly. “We'll take care of this.”
“Okay,” Dav sighed and began to walk away. He got as far as the mailbox before turning around. “Hey, Mr. D?” he called.
“Yeah?” Luke asked, turning around as he climbed the porch steps.
“If she needs anything, tell her to call, okay?” Dave offered hopefully. “Even, you know, if she just needs someone to talk to. Like a friend or something.”
Luke nodded thoughtfully. “I'll tell her,” he promised.
“Thanks, man,” Dave smiled and turned toward home
“Hey, McArdle,” Luke called.
“Yes Sir?” Dave asked, pausing.
“Thanks for looking out for her,” Luke grunted.
Dave smiled and headed home. Luke watched until the boy disappeared and went into the house and walked over to the couch where Lorelai sat.
“What's going on out there?” Lorelai asked as Xander emerged from the kitchen and quietly slipped past Luke, heading for his bedroom.
“Okay,” Luke sighed. “So, it appears we need to have a talk.”
Chapter 44: Gracie Gets Her Groove Back
Grace lay on the living room couch, her foot propped up on a pillow, idly flipping through television channels with the remote control. She looked at the clock on the mantle, groaning when she realized it was only ten in the morning. Grace was officially bored out of her mind.
“Hey, kid,” Lorelai sang. “One bowl of Lucky Charms, as requested.”
“Thanks,” Grace replied, taking the cereal from her mother. She crammed a spoonful into her mouth.
“Wow,” Lorelai said, impressed. “I thought I had a big mouth.”
“Hungry,” Grace shrugged.
“Obviously,” Lorelai agreed. “So, what's on the agenda today, gimpy girl? Talk shows? Soap operas?”
Grace held up the dvd remote control. “'Fame',” she admitted sheepishly.
“You rock on so many levels,” Lorelai grinned. “And what comes after 'Fame'?”
“Reruns of 'Degrassi',” Grace smirked.
“God, I'm so glad Luke didn't hog all of your DNA,” Lorelai squealed. “There's definitely some Gilmore in you after all.”
“Where's the sweat, Lisa?” Grace grinned.
“Baby, remember my name,” Lorelai solemnly replied.
“How much time did that take?” Grace asked, glaring at the clock.
“The only girl on the face of the planet, besides Rory, who treats a sick day like personal torture,” Lorelai giggled.
“I ams what I ams,” Grace sighed. “It's not so much being out of school, I'm not that Roryish. I'm just so booooored,” she moaned. “I can't go anywhere. My stupid foot hurts.”
“Well,” Lorelai shrugged. “You can call Dave, have him come hang out with you after school. Oh, that's right. You dumped him. How did that happen again?”
“Lorelai Victoria Danes, master of the subtle segue,” Grace said snippily.
“Your dad is the one who likes to use the subtle segue, not me,” Lorelai smiled. “I like to get right to the point. So what is the point, G?”
“I never said I dumped Dave,” Grace glared. “Are you seriously talking to him behind my back?”
“He's worried about you,” Lorelai sighed, sitting on the edge of the couch alongside Grace. “And we're getting there, too, okay?”
Grace picked at a fuzzy on the blanket she was wrapped in. “Nothing to be worried about. We just broke up, that's all.”
“You're ditching class, apparently you're turning into quite the loner at school, and Miss Patty says you've been completely off your game lately,” Lorelai pointed out. “So what's your damage, Heather?”
Grace only shrugged her shoulders.
“Come on, kid, talk,” Lorelai urged. “Is it Gramp? Is that what's eating at you?”
“I don't know,” Grace mumbled.
“Yes, you do, damn it,” Lorelai sighed. “Spill, kid.”
“I don't know,” Grace said loudly. “It's nothing. It's everything. I don't know, okay?”
“So pick out a few things,” Lorelai pressed. “Name one thing that's eating at you.”
Grace stared at Lorelai for a moment. “I suck,” she whispered.
“Suck at what?” Lorelai asked, surprised.
“Dancing,” Grace sighed. “I'm never going to be ready.”
“You have some more high school to go before you have to be ready...for Julliard, for anything,” Lorelai argued. “You work hard, you're the best to ever set foot in Miss Patty's, and you take it seriously. You'll be ready.”
“As long as I stop falling on my ass,” Grace said dryly.
“Gravity is a bitch, my dear,” Lorelai smiled. “Every great dancer's tush has met the hardwood, okay?”
“I can't worry about keeping boys happy and fixating on the lessons, the camps, the private training over the summer,” Grace continued.
“Dave has been nothing but understanding about those things,” Lorelai noted. “Has he ever given you grief about the time you have to invest in this?”
“No,” Grace sighed.
'Then where's the problem?” Lorelai queried.
“I don't have any say in anything!” Grace cried.
“Yes, you do!” Lorelai shot back. “Nobody forces you to do this. Your father and I support your decisions, but we have always left it up to you. The only one pushing you is yourself.”
“I don't feel like I have any control,” Grace moaned.
“Then you need to take a step back and breathe,” Lorelai said softly.
“I skipped our last Friday night dinner,” Grace whispered.
“Huh?” Lorelai asked. “We veered off track here, where are we? You were there last Friday.”
“I meant, the last time..you know,” Grace scowled.
“Oh,” Lorelai nodded. “With your grandfather.”
“'Cause I just had to get in some more one on one with Miss Patty,” Grace said bitterly.
“Babe, nobody can predict these kinds of things, you didn't do anything wrong,” Lorelai sighed, stroking Grace's hair.
“Everyone else is all right now,” Grace said shakily. “And I think I'm still totally back at the funeral.”
“Everyone deals with their grief differently,” Lorelai explained. “Just because you aren't there when we're having our moments, it doesn't mean those moments aren't happening.”
“I'm stuck,” Grace admitted, angrily brushing away a tear.
“I get stuck, too,” Lorelai told her. “I just tend to try to pull the 'Mommy's Just Fine' routine. Your poor Poppy is the one who has to sleep on a soggy pillow because I save it for bedtime.”
“You still get upset?” Grace asked.
“Sometimes hourly,” Lorelai replied. “He was my father, Grace. If I live to be a hundred years old, I'm going to be stuck back at that funeral myself every time I think of him.”
“Well, that's encouraging,” Grace snarked, grabbing for the tissue box.
“Hey, you aren't the only one good at getting stuck,” Lorelai smiled. “You forget who your father is.”
“Luke 'Dark Day' Danes,” Grace moaned. “Sometimes, I wish I didn't inherit his personality.”
“You can take it as a lesson,” Lorelai mused. “Your dad is more than willing to admit the pitfalls of perpetual brooding. He sucked it up eventually, and realized it was okay to be happy. He wasn't betraying his father's memory, if anything, he was honoring it.”
“I just keep obsessing about stupid stuff,” Grace sniffled. “I keep worrying about whether or not he was in pain, or whether or not it really was quick, and then I go off on some other weird kick.”
“Like what?” Lorelai asked.
“Like two weeks ago, the entire week was devoted to worrying about if and when Pop's going to get cancer,” Grace huffed, throwing her arms up in the air. “I'm totally insane. Just off the wall bonkers.”
“Nah, you're just a worry wart,” Lorelai insisted. “It's really typical Grace. You remember Miss Kitty?”
“Please don't bring up Miss Kittty now,” Grace sobbed.
“You spent months convinced that you killed Miss Kitty, simply because you fed her a Hershey's Kiss the Christmas before she...uh...went to kitty heaven.”
“Chocolate is bad for animals,” Grace wailed.
“Miss Kitty died in August,” Lorelai groaned. “The chocolate wasn't the problem. It was the getting loose and running in the street that got her.”
“Oh, Mom,” Grace moaned. “Now I'm going to be depressed about Miss Kitty all over again. I need medication.”
“Why did you break up with Dave?” Lorelai asked pleadingly. “Just give me some kind of reasoning for it.”
“I didn't want him to break up with me first,” Grace said tearfully.
“But the boy worships at your feet, G,” Lorelai said in exasperation. “Seriously, I'm quite sure there's a Gracie shrine in his closet. With chicken feet, and incense, and a shrunken head.”
“Ew,” Grace shuddered. “That would be odd.”
“Why would he break up with you?” Lorelai pressed.
“Because I'm a total whack job,” Grace responded. “He's going to get sick of me being all mopey and moody, and borderline suicidal, so I figured I might as well cut to the chase.”
“Whoa, back it up there,” Lorelai said sharply. “Borderline suicidal?”
“Sorry,” Grace replied, shaking her head. “Figuratively speaking. Trust me, no wrist slashing is in the works.”
“Don't joke about that,” Lorelai sighed. “That's not something you think about?”
“No,” Grace said. “I don't. I just like to give myself ulcers, not plot to end things.”
“Okay,” Lorelai nodded, exhaling sharply. “So you broke up with Dave as a preemptive strike?”
“Yeah,” Grace moaned. “Told you I was psychotic.”
“Well,” Lorelai shrugged. “It was definitely...uh, a really goofy move, I'll give you that.”
“God, he must hate me,” Grace groaned, slapping her forehead. “I'm so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she said, slapping her palm into her forehead to accentuate each word.
“Nope, just your mother's daughter,” Lorelai grinned. “You officially have your own version of the two month rule.”
“Huh?” Grace asked.
“I had a tendency, once upon a time, to ditch all boyfriends, no matter how nice at the two month mark,” Lorelai explained. “The logic behind it is twisted, convoluted, and utterly insane.”
“Insanity runs in the family,” Grace mused. “Good to know.”
“It practically gallops,” Lorelai added.
“Aw, geez,” Grace wept. “I just couldn't stand the thought of him having to sit there watching me bawl one more time. I just got so frustrated, always falling apart around him, and stressing about my dancing, and whining about everything I've been whining about. I got so mad at myself, and all of the sudden, I started yelling at him. I don't know why I was yelling at him, but I was yelling at him, and telling him he was driving me nuts, and completely suffocating me, and then I hear my mouth talking completely independent from the rest of me, and I hear myself say 'I don't want to be with you anymore', and he's standing there, just staring at me with the puppy dog eyes, and the sucking chest wound, and I got madder because I said it, even though I didn't mean to say it, so I got madder at him, and I just lost it. So. Absolutely. Mental. Why did I break up with him, Mom? I didn't want to break up with him, and now he's gone and I'm going even more insane, because I just want him to come back, but it's too late, and I totally screwed up everything, and did I mention I'm totally in love with him? Because I am, and now it's just too late,” Grace wailed.
“Rant, Grace, rant,” Lorelai sighed. “Talk to him.”
“Noooo,” Grace moaned, burying her head under her pillow.
Lorelai grabbed the pillow and pulled it away from Grace's face. “Talk to him,” she repeated.
“I don't want to hear how much I suck,” Grace sighed.
“Suck it up, kid,” Lorelai shrugged. “You screwed up. Face the firing squad. But tell him you screwed up. At least give him that.”
“Where's Poppy?” Grace moaned.
“Oh, now you want your Poppy,” Lorelai laughed. “This is the part where Poppy melts and wants whatever makes his little princess happy to happen. Well, tough noogies, kiddo, I'm the one standing watch, and you know I'm speaking the truth.”
“Holla,” Grace muttered.
“Don't be a playa hata,” Lorelai grinned.
“Hate the game,” Grace grouched.
“Gracie?” Lorelai continued. “You need to stop holding these things in, do you understand? You can't just keep swallowing things down and pretending they're not there. You need to talk to us. To anybody. You can't hold it in. It will eat you up inside. If you're hurting, you come to me, or Poppy. If you're angry, you come to us. If you need to vent, you come to us. You keep carrying the little things around on your shoulders, you end up with a heavy load that you can't manage on your own. You have to learn to let it out.”
“I know,” Grace sniffed, attacking her nose with a tissue.
“If you're sad about Gramp, you let yourself be sad,” Lorelai lectured. “And if you want to cry, just cry. There's no shame in it.”
“I know, I know,” Grace whispered.
“So you're going to open up more from now on?” Lorelai pressed.
“Yeah,” Grace nodded. “I'd like to avoid future meltdowns.”
“I'm sure I speak for your father, and your brothers and sisters when I say we'd all really like to avoid having to cart you off to the funny farm,” Lorelai grinned.
“I'd prefer that, myself,” Grace giggled, wiping her teary eyes.
“Good girl,” Lorelai sighed, kissing Grace's forehead. “Call Dave tonight, see if you can offer an olive branch.”
“I will,” Grace decided.
“Good,” Lorelai nodded. “And Sweetie? You know you're grounded for cutting class, right?”
“The usual sentence?” Grace sighed.
“Yup,” Lorelai replied. “Your Pop and I agreed to let you go on your own recognizance until your ankle heals up, but once you get mobile, it's another two weeker. Better get your making amends with the boy in before that happens.”
“I think I'm going to call Amnesty International after I call Dave,” Grace grumped.
“They'll just tell you you're bonkers,” Lorelai laughed.
Grace scowled at Lorelai. “Thanks a lot, Mom.”
Lorelai beamed at Grace. “That's what I'm here for, Babe.”
Chapter 45: Everybody Needs A Luke Of Their Own
Sammie sidled up to the table, order pad and pen poised. “Good evening, and welcome to Luke's Diner. I am Samantha, and I will be your server this evening. Our specials today are a delectable ham steak served with a side of mixed vegetables and sweet potatoes, and a satisfying Salisbury steak served with a side of mashed potatoes and...um, mixed vegetables, go figure. May I bring you something to drink while you peruse the menu?” Sammie took a deep breath. “Okay, how was that?”
“You totally sold me,” Rory giggled. “You are definitely ready to rise to the position of part-time waitress.”
“You have flair,” Lorelai nodded. “Except you should have ended the monologue with 'Kiss my grits', you know, to make it more authentic.”
“See?” Sammie exclaimed, hopping up and down to emphasize her point. “I am so good at this. Why won't Dad let me be a waitress?”
“Uh, well, technically, I think it has something to do with child labor laws,” Rory reminded Sammie. “You're not even thirteen yet.”
“Oh, screw that,” Sammie huffed. “It's not like working a couple of hours on the weekend would be a hassle.”
“You should get points for not stuttering all over the 'satisfying Salisbury steak served with a side of mashed potatoes', very alliterative,” Rory laughed, stumbling over the words herself. “Try saying that three times fast.”
“Okay, so what do you want to drink, already?” Sammie asked impatiently.
“Coffee and a coffee, duh,” Lorelai replied.
“Uh, make mine decaf,” Rory interjected, avoiding making eye contact when Lorelai looked at her in surprise. “And bring on the cream.”
“Decaf?” Lorelai asked, confused. “Who are you, and what have you done with my daughter?”
“I'm still Rory Gilmore, just a Rory Gilmore who has found that full strength coffee after seven in the evening causes severe indigestion and extreme agitation,” Rory shrugged. “You forget I consume a whole lot more coffee than you do, with all the traveling and standing around waiting for news to happen.”
“Wow,” Lorelai whispered. “Coffee has turned against you. After all we've done for it, too.”
“It is a fickle lover,” Rory sighed.
Sammie brought the coffee pots to the table. “Decaf for you, madame,” she said as she filled Rory's cup. “And high test for you, old lady,” she grinned as she filled Lorelai's cup.
“Hey,” Lorelai scowled. “I see a wrinkle on Rory's face.”
“Well, duh,” Sammie replied cheerfully as she fled back to the counter.
“Where?” Rory gasped, grabbing her purse and pulling out a compact. Lorelai laughed as Rory inspected her face. “It's a crow's feet thing, I just know it,” she moaned.
“Relax, kiddo,” Lorelai giggled. “You're not so old.”
“I found a gray hair,” Rory confided.
“It happens,” Lorelai said in a comforting tone. “I found my first gray hair when I was 21, so it's not exactly an indicator of rapid age progression. Gray hairs happen.”
“I'm in my thirties,” Rory reminded Lorelai. “I'm not getting any younger. The clock hands are spinning, Mrs. Danes.”
“Yes, they are,” Lorelai sighed. Rory fell silent and idly played with her coffee cup. Lorelai watched her for a while, wondering what was plaguing her mind. “So spill,” Lorelai finally said.
“Spill what?” Rory asked.
“Whatever you're obsessing about,” Lorelai replied. “You have that face.”
“What face?” Rory laughed.
“The 'Rory is making lists in her head' face,” Lorelai retorted. “So make with the talking to your old Mom, here.”
“Oh, I don't know,” Rory shrugged. “I've just been thinking about making some changes in my life.”
“What kind of changes?” Lorelai asked, trying to read Rory's expression.
“Maybe it's just time to slow down, a little. Lay down some roots, find a real home,” Rory explained. “I'm not loving the life of a roving reporter so much anymore.”
“You want to give it up?” Lorelai asked, taken aback.
“No, not give it up,” Rory clarified. “Just...streamline things. Narrow the beat.”
“Is this a recent idea, or have you been thinking about this for a while?” Lorelai pressed.
“Been thinking about it for a while,” Rory admitted. “I feel like I'm missing out on some things. My most intimate relationship over the last few years had been with my laptop, and as much as I love my laptop, it just isn't good at foreplay.”
“Ew,” Lorelai shuddered. “Never use that word again, at least when it pertains directly to you, okay Sweets?”
“Sorry,” Rory giggled.
“Wait, 'had' been?” Lorelai queried. “Explain that little slip, will you?”
“What do you mean?” Rory asked innocently.
“This is SO about a boy!” Lorelai squealed. “I knew something was up with you, I just knew it! You have a boy.”
“A man, Mom, a man, okay?” Rory sighed. “What am I, Mary Kay Letourneau?”
“Who is he? What's his name? What does he look like? Does he have a motorcycle? Is he dreamy?” Lorelai asked excitedly. “Does he have pretty eyes? Does he make you feel all gooey inside?”
“Gooey?” Rory laughed. “Mom, please.”
“Answer me!” Lorelai wailed. “I need details.”
Rory shook her head. “Geez, Mom. He's...a nice person. We have a lot in common. He's been a friend for a while, and we've been sort of doing this long distance thing for a while. Testing the waters, so to speak.”
“And how are the waters?” Lorelai asked breathlessly.
“They're amazing,” Rory groaned. “I wasn't expecting this, and now that it's happening, I'm so scared, but I'm so excited.”
“Wait, is this serious?” Lorelai asked. “Is this boy...man...is he the reason you're looking to make these life changes?”
Rory nodded, blushing furiously.
“Are you thinking of going to him, or is he coming to you?” Lorelai asked, enraptured by the sudden resuscitation of Rory's romantic life. “Oh my god, are you in love with him?”
“Yes, no, and yes, actually, I think I really do love him,” Rory beamed. “No, I DO love him.”
“Oh, hon,” Lorelai gasped happily. “You love him.”
“And I will be able to see him over the holidays,” Rory smiled. “Since he lives on the East Coast.”
“Oh, yay!” Lorelai squealed. “You're thinking of moving back to our neck of the woods?”
“Close,” Rory admitted. “Really just a train ride away.”
“Oh, I love him already,” Lorelai moaned. “I miss having you here, Babe, I really do.”
“I miss you too,” Rory sighed. “And that's a big factor in the decision, too.”
“You've already decided?” Lorelai asked hopefully.
“Mostly,” Rory nodded. “Just one final test. If he passes, I'm on the next flight home, so to speak.”
“What test?” Lorelai queried. “Why are you testing him?”
Rory looked over her shoulder. Luke and Sammie were engrossed in conversation near the cash register. She hunched over conspiratorially. “Mom, you have to take this news quietly, okay? I need some Gilmore solidarity here for a while.”
Lorelai narrowed her eyes at Rory. “Hon, I can't keep secrets, not from Luke,” she sighed. “That was something we swore to when we got married. No secrets, no matter what.”
“Then if you have to discuss it with Luke, you need to keep this on the down low for a while, because I don't know how things are going to pan out,” Rory replied, her voice pleading. “It can't go any further until I know how things will have to be handled. It's not about keeping secrets, it's about the fact that I need privacy until some things get resolved.”
“What's going on, Rory?” Lorelai asked, feeling a wave of concern wash over her. “Is everything okay with you?”
Rory inhaled deeply. “Mom, there are other reasons I'm drinking decaf, okay?” Rory exhaled shakily, waiting for Lorelai to put the puzzle pieces together.
“Like what?” Lorelai asked thoughtfully. “Oh. Oh my god. You're....are you? You can't be.”
“I may be,” Rory shrugged. “I haven't found out for sure yet.”
“Oh my god,” Lorelai whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. “You're pregnant.”
“I've been eating apples,” Rory smiled. “Lots and lots of apples.”
“Why haven't you found out yet?” Lorelai hissed.
“I just want to get through the holidays without the gnawing horror that I definitely have to give birth in a few months,” Rory rationalized. “Or with a big hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach because I definitely DON'T have to give birth in a few months.”
Lorelai stared at Rory, her mouth agape. “So...is this...is it a good thing?”
“I think it is,” Rory smiled. “I think if I am, then I'm happy with this turn of events.”
“Does he know?” Lorelai whispered.
“Not yet,” Rory confessed. “But only because I need to tell him face to face. This isn't something you spring on somebody over the phone.”
“Do you think he will be okay with this?” Lorelai pressed.
“I do,” Rory replied. “I really do. If anything, if I really am pregnant, I'm pretty confident that I'm going to get an engagement ring within days of telling him.”
“But would you accept a ring?” Lorelai mused.
“I would,” Rory sighed. “Baby or no baby, damn it, I would. But only if it isn't the only reason he would be asking. Boy, I'm jumping to conclusions here. If he doesn't ask, it's okay too. I sound old fashioned, don't I? Not that getting pregnant, then getting married is old fashioned. It's been a topic of discussion before, so I don't think he'd ask just to make an honest woman of me. I think if he did ask, it would be just because it would be right. But I'm not expecting it. I wouldn't be hurt if he didn't ask. Well, maybe I'd be a little hurt. Oh my god, my head hurts.” Rory moaned, burying her face in her hands.
“Wow,” Lorelai whispered reverently. “You've got it bad.”
“I do,” Rory giggled, raising her head. “Eventually, reality sinks in, and you figure out who you belong with. It may take you forever to figure it out, but once you stop running, you realize it's been right there under your nose the entire time. You should know, Mrs. Luke.”
“You have a Luke of your own?” Lorelai smiled tearfully. “You really do?”
“Yep,” Rory nodded. “Minus the flannel shirt and the backwards baseball cap.”
“Do I get to meet him?” Lorelai asked, grabbing Rory's hand.
“I think you may be meeting him on Christmas,” Rory teased. “Maybe.”
“That's next week,” Lorelai squealed. “Oh my god, Rory, you have a Luke and you're preggers.”
“Maybe,” Rory emphasized.
“You're getting a test,” Lorelai insisted. “You aren't going to be able to hold out, you know it as well as I do.”
“I know, but I'm trying to delay the inevitable,” Rory laughed. “Mom? I really want to be pregnant, and I really want him to be happy about it.” she admitted shakily.
“Oh, I hope everything works out the way you want it to, Babe,” Lorelai sighed. “But there is one drawback here.”
“What?” Rory asked.
“You're going to make me a grandmother,” Lorelai frowned. “I'm not old enough to be a grandmother.”
“I think you'll make a terrific grandmother,” Rory insisted. “And sorry to burst your bubble, but you are old enough to be one.”
“You'd be one hell of a mother,” Lorelai smiled proudly.
“Well, of course,” Rory grinned. “I learned from the best, after all.”
Chapter 46: Just Your Average Danes Family Christmas
Luke hovered over the kitchen counter, prepping the turkey for cooking as Lorelai sleepily shuffled to the coffee pot.
“Morning,” she yawned as she poured a cup of freshly brewed coffee.
“Merry Christmas,” Luke smiled, walking over to give Lorelai a kiss.
“Mm, Merry Christmas,” Lorelai replied with a smile. She sniffed the coffee suspiciously. “Damn it, Rory,” she mumbled.
“What?” Luke asked, returning to the task of seasoning the turkey.
“Nothing,” Lorelai sighed. She leaned on the counter next to Luke, wrinkling her nose as she sipped the obviously decaffeinated coffee. “Hey, Luke?” she began.
“Yesss, Lorelai?” Luke asked, eying his wife.
“So, if your daughter confides in you, and you don't tell me about it, does that qualify as keeping secrets?” she asked thoughtfully.
“April hasn't done that,” Luke shot back. “Why do you think that she did?”
“Just posing a hypothetical question,” Lorelai murmured, glancing at the bedroom door.
“I guess it's not exactly keeping secrets,” Luke shrugged, working freshly chopped herbs under the skin of the turkey. “I mean, I guess the kids have to feel like they can turn to one of us to get things off their chests without worrying about being ratted out over your average teen angst, right?” he mused.
“Exactly,” Lorelai nodded.
“It depends on the subject matter,” Luke continued, pausing to consider the question. He suddenly spun around to face Lorelai. “Is it Grace?” he hissed. “Did something happen with Dave? Is she thinking of, you know...doing 'it' with him? Jesus,” Luke ranted. “I knew it wasn't going to last. The punk got too comfortable. He thinks I like him. He thinks he's in. If he thinks he's going to violate MY daughter and live to tell the tale, he's in for the shock of his life. I'll break his freaking neck. I'll make sure he never functions like a man for the rest of his life. I'll castrate him with a potato peeler, I swear to god...”
“Shhh,” Lorelai hushed Luke, giggling at the rabid expression on Luke's face. “Dave's still in possession of a healthy fear of the Luke beast. No worries yet.”
“Sheesh,” Luke sighed. “Then what are you talking about? You and hypotheticals rarely cross paths.”
“Um, well...” Lorelai began as the bedroom door flew open. Rory stood in the doorway, looking pale and distraught.
“You okay?” Luke asked, frowning at the unsettled look on Rory's face.
“Fine,” Rory gulped, suddenly finding her mobility again. She raced into the bathroom. Luke and Lorelai both cringed as they heard her faint retches drift into the kitchen.
“Yikes,” Luke muttered. “Sick on Christmas? That blows.”
“Yeah,” Lorelai sighed. “Really blows.”
Rory finally emerged from the bathroom and wobbled back toward the bedroom. “I'm just...you know...I think I'm going to lay down,” she offered weakly as she slumped through the doorway, shutting the door behind her.
Luke looked at Lorelai curiously. “You don't seem very concerned,” he pointed out.
“Come out into the living room,” Lorelai whispered, leading Luke to the couch. “Sit down,” she ordered.
“What's going on?” Luke asked as Lorelai sat down next to him.
“Rory told me something, and I didn't tell you right away, and I'm sorry for that, but she needed privacy,” Lorelai explained hastily. “She still needs her privacy, but I can't keep avoiding the subject with you, so before I tell you anything, you have to swear to me that this conversation doesn't go beyond us, not until Rory gives us the green light, okay?”
“Is Rory all right?” Luke asked, concerned. “Is there something wrong?”
“No,” Lorelai said. “Not according to Rory. She's happy about this, so we're happy about this, got it?”
“Got what?” Luke asked. “What's going on?”
Lorelai looked over her shoulder before continuing. “Luke, Rory is pregnant,” Lorelai whispered.
“What?” Luke hissed. “She's...are you sure? Who? Who's...is she even seeing anybody? Is the guy in the picture at all? Did he dump her? I'll kill him. I'll kill the son of a bitch,” Luke seethed.
“How you don't have an aneurysm every time the subject of the girls' love lives comes up is beyond me,” Lorelai grinned. “That vein in your forehead gets quite the workout, Cool Hand. Now simmer down. She hasn't told him yet, I don't know who this is, I'm letting her give me the details in little bits and pieces, but she wants to tell him face to face. She said she thought we may meet him today, but she hasn't brought that up again. I don't know, maybe he couldn't make it. She doesn't seem upset about anything, so I'm not pushing the issue. It's a delicate subject for her. Why? I don't know, but she's treading on very foreign territory for her, so I'm just making myself available whenever she decides to fill in another blank.”
“Jesus,” Luke groaned. “But is she okay?”
“She seems to be happy,” Lorelai shrugged. “She's making a lot of decisions regarding this baby, and Daddy, whoever that is, so she's got a lot on her plate. I'm not going to smother her with questions. She's a grown woman, she's been on her own for a long time now. She'll come to me when she needs to.”
“And this isn't bothering you?” Luke asked suspiciously. “You aren't going insane, not being able to jump in and be the Mommy?”
“It's driving me over the edge,” Lorelai admitted. “I'm scared, I'm worried, I'm hopeful, I'm downright dizzy over all the things I feel about this. But it's her life, and I'm not going to overstep my boundaries here.”
Luke scrubbed his face with his hands. “Oy vey, the drama in this family,” he sighed. “Okay, I have to get this turkey in the oven. Are you going to be all right?”
Lorelai nodded. “I'm just going to sit here and obsess for a few minutes,” she admitted.
“Okay,” Luke replied, kissing Lorelai on the forehead. “Just let me know when you need input from me, otherwise I'm going into see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil mode, all right?”
“Good man,” Lorelai grinned. “I'll keep you posted.”
Luke returned to the kitchen and put the final touches on the turkey, sliding it into the oven. He busied himself by peeling potatoes, but found himself glancing anxiously at the bedroom door every few minutes. He jerked his head up when he heard Rory run from the bedroom to the bathroom yet again. Luke watched Rory thoughtfully as she lurched back to the bedroom. She smiled sheepishly at Luke, giving him a small wave as she snuck back into the room, trying not to disturb a still sleeping April.
Luke sighed miserably. He was the fix-it man. He couldn't stand the thought of Rory having to suffer quietly through her very obvious morning sickness issues. Luke shook his head and began to brew some tea. When it was ready, he poured a cup, placed some crackers in the saucer and tiptoed to the bedroom door. Luke knocked very lightly and opened the door a crack.
“Rory?” he whispered.
“Come in,” Rory softly replied.
Luke walked in, grimacing at the sight of Rory curled on her side, looking more than a little green around the gills. Luke walked over to Rory's bed, and gently set the tea and crackers on the night stand. Luke sat on the edge of Rory's bed and leaned over. “Peppermint tea,” he said softly. “The peppermint helps. The aroma, it calms the queasiness sometimes,” he shrugged. “It always helped your Mom,” he sighed, silently conceding his awareness of his step-daughter's situation.
“Thanks, Luke,” Rory whispered, grabbing Luke's hand. “It's all good, I promise,” she added.
“Okay,” Luke nodded. He leaned over, kissing Rory gently. “You need anything...” he murmured.
“I know,” Rory nodded. “Thank you.”
“Anytime,” Luke smiled, and quietly backed out of the room.
Lorelai was standing in the kitchen, her arms crossed. Luke jumped when he turned around and almost ran into her. “Geez,” Luke muttered. “Hover much?”
“Mm hmm,” Lorelai replied knowingly. “That denial mode lasted what? A whole two minutes?”
“A new record,” Luke beamed.
ooo
Luke and Lorelai sat on the couch a few hours later, observing the chaos that swirled around them. The floor was littered with torn wrapping paper and gift boxes. Xander and Drew were trying out the newest video games they had received as gifts, and Sammie and Grace were desperately trying to get the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots game away from TJ and Doula, who had been hogging it for over an hour. April and Liz huddled together playing a game of electronic Battleship, while Rory and Jess thumbed through the pile of books they had both scored.
Emily sat on the couch next to Lorelai, smiling at the antics of her gathered grandchildren. “You're going to be buying toys and games until they're in the retirement home, aren't you?” she mused.
Lorelai shrugged, slurping contentedly on a candy cane. “What can I say? The brats are easily entertained.” she grinned.
“Rory looks wonderful,” Emily sighed. “She's positively radiant. I wonder what night cream she uses?”
“Must be something organic,” Lorelai replied, shooting Luke a glance.
Luke snorted at Lorelai's contorted expression. “Uh, thanks again for the bathrobe, Emily. I can't believe in all these years, nobody has ever given me a monogrammed....anything.”
“You're welcome, Luke,” Emily nodded. “And thank you for the...what is this again?”
“It's a Zen Garden,” Luke explained. “You...well, you do stuff in the....and it's all very Zen,” he offered weakly. “I'm not very good at gifts,” he apologized. “It's Lorelai's fault, she should know better than to leave me alone in the mall. She needs to supervise me a little more closely.”
“Obviously,” Lorelai snarked, holding up a pair of very matronly looking house slippers. “What am I, like ninety years old?”
“Hey,” Luke growled. “You got shiny things, too. Didn't hear you complaining about the earrings. Or the bracelet.”
“They're the only reason you don't have a house slipper jammed in your ear,” Lorelai grinned. “Thank you for my shiny things, honey.”
“Welcome,” Luke grunted, still wounded. “At least they're warm slippers.”
Lorelai leaned over toward Emily. “Trade you?” Lorelai muttered out of the corner of her mouth.
Emily contemplated the slippers for a moment. “We'll switch when he's distracted,” she whispered.
“Oh,” Rory exclaimed. “You have to see the article I'm working,” she informed Jess.
“Geez,” Jess muttered. “Like I don't read enough at my job.”
“Jerk,” Rory sulked. “Fine then, April, want to see my article? I need input.”
“Sure,” April nodded. “I think I've sufficiently slayed Liz at this game anyway.”
“I'm coming too,” Jess sighed. “Freaking women and their guilt trips.”
“Shut up,” Liz groaned, throwing the pillow she had been sitting on at Jess. “Someday, somebody is going to have to house-train you, you feral...whatever you are.”
“Then we can all hold hands and skip afterwards,” Luke deadpanned. “If ever a woman is created that would take on such a burden.”
Jess slumped behind Rory and April, holding up three fingers. “Read between the lines,” Jess cracked at Luke.
Luke grinned. “Same old Jess.”
“At least he's averaging only about fifteen percent surliness per gallon,” Lorelai laughed. “He used to operate at a ninety percent surliness level on a good day.”
“Baby steps,” TJ chimed in. “I figure by the time he turns sixty, he may be capable of cracking an occasional smile.”
“Lofty dreams, if you ask me,” Luke chuckled.
“Okay, it's getting close to grub time,” Lorelai sighed. “Front and center, Gracie.”
“Aw geez,” Grace sighed. “Why do I always get suckered into this stuff?”
“Because everyone else cooks like Lorelai,” Emily pointed out.
“Mom,” Lorelai whined.
“It's true,” Emily shrugged. “If Luke and Grace weren't here, you would all starve.”
“Not so,” Drew argued. “We know how to make Hot Pockets.”
“And Bagel Bites,” Sammie added.
“Sometimes we even figure out how to reheat pizza,” Xander contributed.
“Gotta work on the box thing, though,” Drew grinned.
“Yeah, pizza boxes catch fire in the oven,” Sammie informed Emily. “Go figure, huh?”
“That's why there are now two fire extinguishers in the kitchen,” Luke groaned as Lorelai pulled him to his feet.
“It amazes me that you've all lived this long without losing appendages,” Emily sighed, rolling her eyes. “Or at least it amazes me that the house is still standing after all these years, with only minimal fire damage.”
Lorelai pushed Luke out into the kitchen, Grace sullenly following behind them. They set to work pulling the Christmas meal together, Lorelai still trying to master the fine art of not-too-soggy instant stuffing, Grace manning the mashed potatoes, and Luke taking care of mostly everything else. Grace had at least mastered a few desserts in recent years, and proudly arranged her display of pumpkin pie, chocolate-raspberry cake, and assorted cookies.
“Soggy,” Lorelai whined, holding up a spoonful of slimy stuffing.
“Jesus,” Luke laughed. “Every holiday without fail.”
“I don't get it,” Lorelai cried. “I just don't understand it.”
“You don't have good cooking mojo,” Grace replied. “The stuffing gods know that you don't take it seriously.”
Lorelai grabbed the empty box of stuffing mix, pointing emphatically at the instructions. “It says one and a quarter cup of water,” she wailed. “Every year I put in a cup and a quarter of water. Every year I put in the half a stick of butter. Hell, some years I put less in. But no matter what, it always comes out looking like congealed oatmeal,” she cried, stomping her foot in disgust.
“We'll figure it out,” Luke smirked as he pulled the turkey out of the oven. “Someday, we'll get to the root of the problem.”
“Lucky we always have backup,” Grace chortled, ducking as Lorelai flung a clump of wet stuffing at the girl. “Gotta work on your aim too,” Grace teased, sticking her tongue out at Lorelai.
“Brat,” Lorelai hissed. “Brat, Brat, Brat.”
Grace looked at the clock on the coffee pot as a loud rap sounded at the front door. “Goody,” she squealed. “It's either Dave or Rory's mystery date,” she grinned as she ran to the door.
“Oh boy,” Lorelai grimaced. “This may be it.”
“Baby Daddy drama commences,” Luke sighed. “Guess we'd better start gathering the troops. I'll start carving, you start herding everyone in here.”
“Okie dokie,” Lorelai nodded, heading toward Rory and April's bedroom. “Hey guys, soup's on,” she called, poking her head into the bedroom. “Line up for the...oh crap,” Lorelai gasped as she processed what she had just walked in on. April had apparently left the bedroom at some point, and only Rory and Jess remained.
Jess sat on the bed, with Rory lounging back comfortably between his thighs. Lorelai had just enough time to witness the intensity on Jess's face as his chin rested on Rory's shoulder, his hand draped possessively over her stomach. The two scrambled away from each other as Lorelai stared at them, her mouth agape.
Lorelai swallowed hard, her mouth suddenly very dry. “Supper...it's...um, we're going to...you know, time to...turkey!” she stammered before she turned away, slamming the door behind her. “Crap,” she whispered. “Didn't see that coming.”
“What?” Luke asked, looking up from the turkey. Lorelai grabbed Luke's arm and dragged him out through the back door. “What the hell, Lorelai?” Luke yelped. “It's freezing out here.”
“Jess,” Lorelai hissed, smacking Luke in the arm.
“What?” Luke asked.
“Jess,” Lorelai repeated. “Jess. It's Jess. Oh my god, it's Jess.” she moaned, smacking Luke's arm repeatedly.
“I don't...” Luke began, staring at Lorelai's panicked expression. “Wait...you don't...no way,” Luke argued. “He would have said something. She would have said something. Someone would have...”
“They're together,” Lorelai insisted. “Nobody is that comfortable with just anyone. There was definite cuddling going on.”
“Holy shit,” Luke groaned. “I'm going to kick his ass.”
“No,” Lorelai said, shaking her head. “We're not going to say a word. No asses will be kicked. And I think he knows now. About the baby. He seemed...uh, I don't know, aware. And there was no hint of unpleasantness between them. Not that you can gather much in a split second of ogling, but...wow...okay, this is huge, Luke. This is really huge.”
Luke shook his head. “Okay, I really need to sink back into denial mode. This is just...Jesus. Okay, we have to get through this meal. Then I'm going to kick his ass.”
“Luke,” Lorelai warned.
“Okay, fine,” Luke conceded, throwing up his hands. “Denial mode on. I've got a turkey to carve.”
“Fine,” Lorelai nodded. She grasped the doorknob. “Game faces on,” she breathed.
“This IS my game face,” Luke scowled.
“Good point,” Lorelai laughed nervously as she opened the door and walked back into the kitchen. Luke followed and grabbed his carving tools, attacking the turkey with renewed ferocity.
Lorelai stopped short as Rory and Jess emerged from the bedroom. “It'll be a second,” Lorelai said shakily. “Start uh...scoping out the best trajectory for maximum plate filling.”
“I gotta...go this way,” Rory stammered, heading for the bathroom. Lorelai walked out to the living room to begin herding the gathered family into the kitchen.
Jess stood near the doorway of Rory and April's room, scratching his head nervously. Luke glanced up at the window. He saw Jess's reflection and couldn't contain himself. Luke slammed down the knife and spun around, crossing his arms over his chest and fixing a piercing stare on Jess.
“What?” Jess sighed, walking toward Luke.
“You're going to do right by her,” Luke rasped.
“I know,” Jess nodded, jamming his hands into his pockets.
“You're both adults. Too grown up for lectures,” Luke growled. “But you will do right by her, damn it.”
“Luke,” Jess sighed. “It's all good. I'm not upset.”
“Really?” Luke asked sharply. “That's really big of you.”
“Damn it,” Jess hissed. “I love her, okay?”
Luke softened, just barely. “Does she...you know...love you?”
“Rumor has it,” Jess smirked.
“This isn't something impulsive is it?” Luke pressed.
“No,” Jess whispered. “You know the deal, man. It's always been her.”
Luke exhaled sharply. “I know,” he admitted. “And this other development?”
“It's...right,” Jess shrugged. “Guess it has to be when your closet girlfriend drops the pregnancy bomb on you right before Christmas dinner, and all you can think is you can't wait to meet the kid.”
Luke nodded. “So you two are on the same page?”
“Same sentence, even,” Jess shot back, flashing Luke a crooked grin.
“Damn,” Luke sighed, grasping the top of his baseball cap with both hands. “This family is really fucked up.”
“Tell me about it,” Jess grinned. “I just found out I got my cousin pregnant.”
“Crap,” Luke moaned, turning back to the turkey. “Don't even go there.”
“It's the game the whole family can play,” Jess cracked.
“There's no blood ties,” Luke croaked, trying to concentrate on the carving. “Doesn't count.”
“But it will be a great story to tell the grandkids,” Jess laughed. “Or would that be the third cousins?”
“Stop it,” Luke growled.
“Okay, seriously,” Jess muttered, moving closer to Luke as the family began to filter into the kitchen. “I want this,” Jess said softly.
Luke laid down his carving knife. “Just take care of her. Of them.” he pleaded in a low voice.
“I will,” Jess promised. “I'm getting it right this time. I let her get away one too many times in my life. I'm not loosening my grip now.”
Luke rolled his eyes. “Does it ever scare you how much alike you and I actually are?”
“Terrifies me,” Jess nodded, smiling at Rory as she slunk back into the kitchen. “It could be worse, though.”
“How so?” Luke snorted.
“I could be just like Liz,” Jess chuckled.
“Bite your tongue,” Luke growled. “And go get your girl some food. She's eating for two now.”
“Damn,” Jess sighed. “That's going to take a while to get used to.”
“You just stay used to it,” Luke warned. “You're permanently invested in this now.”
“That's the plan,” Jess nodded, grabbing the plate of turkey and heading for the table.
“Poor kid doesn't know what it's in for,” Luke mumbled as he turned to join the rest of the family.
Chapter 47: Flutie Fumbles The Ball
Dave sat idly on the bleachers watching the cheerleaders work through their practice session. He grinned as Grace sternly corrected the left half of the formation she was trying to perfect. Naturally, Grace was the squad leader. Anything that had to do with getting her groove on was fair game for Grace. Dave chuckled to himself. If Grace found any sense of rhythm in the way football was played, she'd have gone out for quarterback. He had teased her mercilessly the first time he ever saw her in the pleated skirt and striped sweater, but Grace had scornfully set his thinking straight, explaining that she needed to add more modern dance experience to her classical training. Julliard demanded a blend of dance styles for its applicants, and Grace was leaving nothing to chance. Unfortunately, Grace's skills far exceeded the combined skills of the rest of the squad, and her instructions were falling on deaf ears. It probably didn't help that Grace had chosen an old Siouxie and the Banshees song as the basis for the newest routine she was dreaming up. Dave was beginning to think that if had to sit through “Peekaboo” one more time, he was going to snap and do something violent.
“Oh my god,” Grace moaned. “How did any of you make the squad? Can anyone even do a cartwheel?”
Karrie Carter nervously raised her hand. “I can.”
“Can you do something more than a cartwheel?” Grace asked hopefully.
“Uh, I can do a split,” Karrie offered.
“Okay,” Grace sighed. “Geez, you guys are going to be a lot of work. Okay, let's just take a break. Five minutes, guys.” Grace slumped over to the bleachers and sank down next to Dave. “There's just no hope,” she moaned.
“This is Stars Hollow,” Dave laughed. “They're never going to be Laker Girls, okay?”
“I'm just looking for them to get through 'Two Bits' without screwing up,” Grace argued. “I'm not asking for that much. They're not fit for public performance.”
Dave rubbed Grace's back sympathetically. “You can cheer for me,” he offered. “I like watching you shake your pom poms.”
“Dirty!” Grace laughed. “You like my pom poms, do ya?”
“Very nice pom poms,” Dave chuckled. “Very....uh, fluffy.”
Grace arched an eyebrow at Dave. “Wow, that was just...weak.”
“Who do you think you're talking to?” Dave asked. “When have I ever had a good comeback?”
“True,” Grace laughed. “I never claimed to love you for your witty banter.”
Grace stood up and grabbed her pom poms. “I think I'm going to have to start the girls off slowly here, what do you think about this cheer?” Grace solemnly took position. “Ready? Okay!” she grinned as she began to dance around. “How funky is your monkey? How loose is your goose? Come on everybody in the stands, shake your big caboose!” she chanted, as she spun around, gyrating her hips.
“Geez,” Dave snorted. “Worst cheer ever!”
“But the caboose shaking?” Grace pressed.
“Top notch,” Dave laughed. “Finest caboose in all of Stars Hollow.”
Grace gasped. “I'm telling Pop you were looking at my caboose,” she whispered as she flopped back down onto the bleachers.
“Please don't,” Dave moaned. “I do want to live to see graduation.”
“Then don't look at my caboose,” Grace pointed out.
“You know, I don't think it's very fair,” Dave argued. “Your Dad is always acting like I'm poised to corrupt his sweet, innocent little daughter, and he has NO clue what an evil little flirt you are. You're the one always talking about your butt, and your pom poms, and doing stuff that just guarantees that I'm going to catch an eyeful of belly button, or you drop your books, and I catch a flash of pink panty, then you act all pure and virginal, and I go home and I stare at the ceiling all night completely panicked and frustrated because if your Dad ever finds out that I saw a centimeter of pink panty, he'd hunt me down and gut me like a fish. Stop flashing the belly button and the panties already, you harpy.”
“Poor Davey,” Grace sighed, throwing her arms around the boy. “I promise, the next time I drop a book, I'll be wearing white cotton panties, okay?'
“Geez,” Dave groaned. “Somehow, that's appealing to me, too. Thanks a lot for that imagery.”
“Sorry,” Grace laughed. “Guess I'd better get back to work with the squad. Go take a cold shower while you wait, if you have to.”
“Keep the pom poms in check, and I'll survive,” Dave growled as Grace stood up.
“Pom poms under control,” she promised as she began to back away from the bleachers. “Oh no,” Grace gasped. “I feel another cheer coming on. Firecracker, firecracker, boom, boom, boom!” she squealed, emphasizing each 'boom' with a seductive hip shake and a flutter of the pom poms.
“Go away,” Dave pleaded as Grace giggled and returned to her practice. “Jesus,” he muttered to himself. “I'm definitely going to go blind by the time I turn eighteen.”
“Dude, way too much information.”
Dave looked up as Xander sat down next to him. “Just pretend you didn't hear that,” Dave sighed miserably.
“Believe me, I'm trying,” Xander chuckled. “Wow, they really suck,” he noted, watching the girls work through their cheers.
“I don't even think Grace can fix this mess,” Dave laughed. “Why are you even here?”
“Wore out the batting cages,” Xander shrugged. “Figured I'd come here and check out some bloomers.”
“Such a pervert,” Dave grinned. “Which set of bloomers are you eying?”
“That one,” Xander admitted, jerking his chin at the petite girl with strawberry blonde hair on the right fringe of the formation.
“Nice,” Dave nodded. “She's cute.”
“She seeing anybody?” Xander asked, trying to sound casual.
“Not that I know of,” Dave replied. “That's Katie something or other.”
“Howard,” Xander nodded. “Katie Howard.”
“Dude, listen to how you just said that,” Dave laughed.
“Said what?” Xander frowned. “I just said her name.”
“You said it in a way that sounded like you want to bronze her bloomers and keep them on your night stand,” Dave teased.
“Aw, geez,” Xander sighed. “She's cute, that's all.”
“Ask her to the rally,” Dave encouraged. “It's all proper, there's no reason she'd say no.”
“Proper?” Xander scoffed.
“You know, she's a cheerleader, you're a jock, it's a pre-approved relationship by default,” Dave shrugged.
“Oh, because I'm such a stickler for clique etiquette,” Xander laughed.
“You're still lower rung,” Dave explained. “I was allowed to hook up with Gracie with minimal grief due to the fact that I'm the best quarterback this school has ever seen.”
“Your modesty is inspiring,” Xander said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
“It's downright admirable,” Dave shrugged. “So anyway, what's the deal with your sister? Grace was explaining it, but seriously, it all ended up sounding like pops and buzzes to me.”
“Which one?” Xander shrugged. “There are many to choose from.”
“Rory,” Dave asked. “Seriously, did I get the story straight? Your cousin is your unborn nephew or niece's father?”
“Man, I have no idea how it all works,” Xander groaned. “I'm beginning to wonder if Rory is my sister, or my aunt, or my cousin now. It's all too confusing.”
“So, your Dad won't let me within three feet of Grace, but his nephew can impregnate his daughter?” Dave chuckled.
“Hey, there's no blood relation there, for the record,” Xander argued. “I guess it would be weird if Jess and Rory grew up together, like if Mom and Dad got married when they were younger, but technically, Rory and Jess were originally together long before my Mom and Dad ever hooked up.”
“Really?” Dave asked. “So actually, your parents are to blame for the ick-factor.”
“Exactly,” Xander nodded. “Rory is my half-sister, she has a different father. I've only met him a few times. He's a real moron. My mom was married to him for like a minute. He has a kid with someone else, and that's Rory's half-sister, but she isn't related to us. Rory sees them once in a while, but she kind of treats my Dad like he's her Dad. So, anyway Jess is only related to me and Grace and Sam and Drew. Dad is related to Jess, but Jess is not related to Rory.”
“And April has a different mother,” Dave added.
“Yeah, we're related to April, but Rory isn't,” Xander explained. “And Dad didn't even find out about April until she was thirteen.”
“You've got a really messed up family tree,” Dave mused.
“It's more of a family hedge,” Xander shrugged. “I hope I never have to put together a family genealogy for any class project, because it's going to be really scary looking.”
“I'm glad mine's easy,” Dave smiled. “It's me and my Dad.”
“Yeah,” Xander nodded. “Grace mentioned that before. Did your parents split up or something?”
“Nah,” Dave muttered. “My mom died when I was a baby. Never knew her.”
“Oh,” Xander frowned. “Didn't know that. Sorry, man.”
“It's okay,” Dave shrugged. “It's always been just me and my Dad. I never knew anything different.”
“Wow,” Xander mused. “Almost like my Dad.”
“What do you mean?” Dave frowned.
“His mother died when he was a kid, like when he was seven,” Xander pointed out. “And his father died when he was nineteen, twenty. Something like that. He isn't big on details when it comes to that stuff. I just know Mom says that Dad had to grow up too soon. He and his Dad had to take care of my Aunt Lizzie, and money was really tight for them, so Dad had to help keep the hardware store up and running, and try to keep Aunt Lizzie in check.”
“That sucks,” Dave sympathized.
“Yeah, he's pretty twitchy about my grandparents,” Xander sighed. “You gotta walk on eggshells when you ask anything about them. He used to do this Dark Day thing on the anniversary of his father's death. Mom says he used to just disappear, and be all depressed. But then Grace ended being born on the whole Dark Day thing, so Dad let it go, sort of. He still starts out pretty grouchy on her birthday, but he sucks it up by the end of the day.”
“So basically, what you're telling me is I finally have some common ground with Mr. D, but I can't ever bring it up, because he'll kill me for talking about it,” Dave sighed. “Why can't you give me something more useful, like he likes microwave popcorn, I like microwave popcorn, let's like microwave popcorn together?”
“He hates microwave popcorn,” Xander snorted.
“Damn it,” Dave muttered. “I'm going to die a very frustrated guy.”
“Well, you could always trade up for a safer bet,” Xander teased. “Mandy Coleman would definitely end your frustration in a heartbeat.”
“But I don't want to trade up,” Dave sighed.
“Well, then you're screwed,” Xander laughed. “But only in the figurative sense.”
“I'm not out to screw your sister,” Dave sighed. “I just don't want to live in fear of getting busted with my hand too low on her back.”
“Well, Dad is sort of easing up on you,” Xander offered hopefully. “As long as you don't get caught copping a feel in the book store anymore, you're in the clear.”
“I learned my lesson,” Dave nodded.
“And you have a little reprieve, at least until my Dad gets back.”
“Where's Mr. D? Grace didn't mention that,” Dave frowned.
“He's in Philly with Jess,” Xander explained. “He's taking a week to lay down all kinds of threats, and help Jess fix up the place for when Rory moves in. They're converting Jess's office into a nursery.”
“No wonder she's been so evil,” Dave grinned. “The little witch is taunting me. I can technically touch without fear, but she knows I won't because I've been brainwashed.”
“Well, just for the record, if you get too touchy-feely, I'll have to kick your ass,” Xander replied. “It's part of the duties of being acting man of the house, nothing personal.”
“I'm bigger than you,” Dave argued.
“Yeah, but I'd still get in a few good hits before I went down,” Xander grinned.
“Aw hell, I'm not going to do anything,” Dave grumbled. “I'm practically a eunuch, anyway.”
“Wow, breaking out the two dollar words,” Xander laughed. “You must be feeling the pain.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Dave sighed. “Just do me a favor, will ya?”
“Okay,” Xander shrugged. “What?”
“Tell your sister to ease up on the pom pom shaking, okay? She's killing me,” Dave moaned.
ooo
Dave and Grace walked toward Dave's house, a bag of food from Luke's in tow. “So what were you and Xander yammering about?” Grace asked.
“Just stuff,” Dave shrugged. “Nothing of any importance whatsoever.”
“Come on,” Grace sighed. “Out with it. I'll start shaking my pom poms again.”
“Damn it,” Dave grunted. “Stop being so mean.”
Grace jumped in front of Dave. “Davey, Davey, he's my man, if he can't do it, no one can!” she chanted. “Down, down, down the court, up, up, up, the court...”
“I hate that you're a cheerleader,” Dave grunted, pushing past Grace.
“Why?” Grace asked. “Is it my super-cool uniform? My ultra-sexy saddle shoes? Is it because I'm so bendy?”
Dave stomped up the steps of his porch. “You know what? You suck. You know your Dad isn't around, and you're trying to tease the hell out of me. That is totally not fair.” He flung open the front door and marched into the living room, throwing the bag of food onto the coffee table. “I'll get some plates,” he grumbled. “Try not to get all bendy on the couch while I'm gone, okay?”
Grace scowled as Dave slammed cabinets and drawers as he retrieved plates and silverware. She stuck out her lower lip as he stomped back into the living room.
“Oh stop it,” he growled. “Don't try to use the pouty face on me, it won't work.”
“I'm sorry,” Grace sighed. “I'm just in a stupid mood this week. I thought you'd be glad I wasn't all depressed and mopey and going all Edgar Allen Poe over something for a change. I'm just excited for Rory and Jess, and I'm going to be an aunt soon, and it makes me feel romantic-y. I'm just going overboard with the happy, flirty stuff, I guess. I didn't mean to be mean.”
Dave sighed. “It's okay, you just drive me nuts, you know that?”
“Sorry,” Grace offered again. “When does your Dad get home, anyway?”
“Nine,” Dave shrugged. “He works late tonight. Maybe he has a girlfriend, and he's wining and dining her in Hartford.”
“Really?” Grace grinned. “That would be so cute.”
“Nah,” Dave replied. “Dad gave up on women a long time ago.”
“That's no good,” Grace frowned, attacking her cheeseburger with vigor. “Damn, I'm hungry,” she giggled, her mouth full.
“Gee, you?” Dave laughed. “Wouldn't have guessed it.”
Dave and Grace finished up their meal and curled up on the couch, watching the television. “I have to go soon,” Grace sighed.
“Not yet,” Dave murmured, wrapping his arms around Grace. “Just one more half hour of hair sniffing, okay?” he grinned, burying his face in Grace's curls.
“Okay, half hour,” Grace sighed, snuggling into Dave's arms. “Why does the cheerleader thing get you so cranky, Davey?”
“Stop calling me Davey,” Dave growled. “And how can you not know why?”
“I don't,” Grace shrugged. “It's not like I'm doing anything wrong, it's just...cheerleading.”
“Yeah,” Dave moaned. “With the really short skirt, and the legs, and the hips. Damn it, Gracie, you're not the only one with hormones, you know. Ever since you've started running around school in that getup, I'm averaging a porny thought every two seconds.”
“Porny isn't a word,” Grace giggled.
“It is in my sick little world,” Dave sighed.
Grace rolled and straddled Dave's hips, sitting upright. “You have bad thoughts about me?” she grinned.
“Aw, crap, get off of me,” Dave moaned, as Grace giggled and leaned down to kiss him. “Not nice to not share,” she whispered, trailing kisses across his jaw.
“Fuck,” Dave whispered, sitting upright and pushing Grace away from his lap. “Not cool,” he growled, his eyes gleaming.
“Sorry,” Grace muttered, leaning on Dave's shoulder. “I just like your lips. You have nice lips.”
Dave sighed miserably as Grace stroked his chest. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the roller coaster of thoughts in his head. “I like your lips too,” he mumbled. Grace smiled up at Dave.
“Then kiss me, dummy,” she laughed. Dave leaned over and kissed Grace ferociously. “Oh boy,” she gasped as they tumbled back onto the couch. Grace curled her fingers into Dave's hair as she pulled him into their kiss. She whimpered as she felt Dave's hands frantically seeking out the hem of her sweater, while Grace pushed her hands under Dave's shirt, exploring Dave's back with gentle touches. He hesitantly stroked her skin, moaning as he felt Grace's legs widen to accommodate his body. Dave broke the kiss, gasping for air, and staring down at Grace.
For once, Grace was speechless. She blinked rapidly, drinking in the sight of Dave's eyes, dark with desire. “Dave,” she whispered softly, gasping again as Dave lowered his head and began to lavish her neck with kisses. “Oh boy,” she sighed, squirming closer as Dave's hands roamed underneath her sweater. “Oh crap,” Grace muttered, her eyes widening as Dave's hand skimmed over her bra.
Dave groaned and pushed Grace's sweater up. His breath came raggedly as he slid down, kissing her exposed skin. “Gracie,” Dave rasped. “Jesus, you're so gorgeous,” he gasped, and moved up to recapture her lips. “I love you,” he panted as he covered Grace's mouth with his own.
“Dave,” Grace whispered against his mouth, panicking as Dave's touches became more insistent. He moved his head back to her neck, sucking fervently at the skin below her ear. “Dave,” Grace hissed. “You're gonna leave a mark, stop!” Grace slapped Dave's arm, causing him to rear up and look at her.
Dave glanced down at Grace's exposed skin and moaned, grinding his obvious arousal against Grace's hip. “Jesus,” he gasped, staring at Grace through heavy lidded eyes.
“Dave,” Grace pleaded. “It's too much, okay? I'm not ready. I can't. Geez, snap out of it,” she begged.
Dave closed his eyes and hung his head. “Fuck,” he whispered as Grace hurriedly pulled her sweater down. He shook his head hard and opened his eyes, blinking rapidly as he processed the nervous expression on Grace's face. “Shit,” he cried, pushing himself away from Grace and falling back on the other end of the couch. He grabbed a throw pillow and covered himself with it. “Sorry,” Dave gasped. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...I'm sorry, Gracie,” he whispered.
Grace sat up shakily. “It's okay,” she mumbled. “I kind of baited you there, didn't I?”
“Yesss,” Dave hissed. “You really did, damn it.”
Grace stared at Dave as he tried to regain his composure. He leaned back against the cushions, squeezing his eyes shut and covering his face with his hand. “Davey?” she whispered hesitantly.
Dave held up his hand. “Just...give me a sec,” he sighed. “Trying to think of....not you kinds of things.”
“Okay,” Grace nodded, grabbing her jacket from the floor and covering her legs as she curled up on her end of the couch. “Think about Kirk. Naked. Eating Jello,” she smiled shakily.
“What?” Dave cried, jerking his hand away from his face. “Gross,” he mumbled. Dave stared at the ceiling. “Gross, but effective,” he grinned. “Good call.”
Grace groaned loudly, slouching down in her seat. “Okay, we obviously can't handle the alone thing,” she sighed.
“Yeah,” Dave rasped. “Alone is really dangerous.”
“Do I have a hickey?” Grace asked warily, holding up her hair.
Dave leaned closer, inspecting her neck. “Shit,” he sighed. “You do.”
“No ponytails this week,” Grace decided, pulling her hair forward to cover the glaring evidence of their reckless behavior.
“I'm sorry,” Dave offered sincerely. “Hey, um...did I...I didn't scare you, did I?”
“What's so scary about being about two seconds away from having sex?” Grace laughed nervously. “You didn't. It did.”
“I'm really sorry,” Dave said again, reaching over to take Grace's hand. “I just was gone, totally in a zone, I guess. It just took a second for it to sink in that you were waving the warning flag.”
“I know,” Grace smiled. “You look funny when you're all worked up, you know that?”
“Shut up,” Dave growled. “I'm being serious. I wouldn't...you know, push the issue, okay? You looked scared, and that's really not cool. I didn't mean to scare you.”
“I know,” Grace assured him. “I get it, but we went way too far there, Flutie. We need to not go there again.”
“Oh man, don't use your Dad's nicknames,” Dave cringed. “This is so not the time to bring your father into the mix.”
“Okay, um, I have to go,” Grace said, standing up. “I think it will be a lot safer if I just run away right now, okay?”
Dave nodded, rising to his feet. “Want me to walk you home?”
“No, I need to go it alone,” Grace shuddered. “I need to take advantage of the cold air, and not be in touching distance of you right now.”
“Okay,” Dave sighed as Grace opened the front door. “Do you hate me?”
“No!” Grace cried, standing on her tiptoes to kiss Dave on the cheek. “Just a little afraid of your hormones, at the moment. And mine,” she added.
“Do I meet you tomorrow to walk to school, or should I stay away?” Dave asked miserably, staring at his shoes.
“Meet me,” Grace frowned. “Hey, we're okay, we just got a little crazy, that's all. No harm, no foul.”
“Counted several fouls, actually,” Dave muttered.
“I love you, dummy,” Grace sighed. “I'll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Love you too,” Dave sighed, kissing Grace softly. “And I'm sorry. Won't happen again, I promise.”
“Ever?” Grace asked innocently.
“Don't go there,” Dave growled. “You've already gotten me into enough shit tonight, you wench.”
“Bite me,” Grace scowled. “Oh wait, you already did,” she laughed, rubbing her neck. “Sleep tight,” she sighed as she started down the porch stairs.
“Right,” Dave muttered. “Sleep. That's the last thing that's going to happen.” He watched as Grace walked to the end of the block, waving as she turned the corner and glanced back. Once she disappeared from view, Dave shut the door and slumped against it. “Dead,” he gasped. “The minute Mr. D. gets back, I am dead.”
Chapter 48: The Birds And The Bees And Seabiscuit
Grace opened the front door, peering in to see if anyone was around. The coast looked clear, so Grace quietly slipped into the living room. She had almost made it to the steps when she heard Lorelai's voice approaching from the kitchen.
“Freeze, kid,” Lorelai said sternly, pointing at Grace. Grace sighed, and stood at the foot of the steps.
Lorelai had the phone to her ear. “Rory,” she mouthed to Grace, holding up her finger. Grace relaxed, figuring that Lorelai just intended to give her a Rory update.
“Uh huh,” Lorelai spoke into the phone. “Okay, so when are you planning to do all this?” Lorelai listened for a moment. “Well, of course I'm going to come out there and help, hon, Jess is going to help, too, right?” Lorelai laughed, and looked at Grace. “She said Jess wants to move to Hawaii because Philadelphia is suddenly way to close to Luke and his constant baby lectures.” Lorelai turned her attention back to the phone. “Yeah, Grace is here. Rory says 'hey',” Lorelai smiled.
“Hey,” Grace replied, waving at Lorelai and the phone. She slunk over to the couch, waiting for Lorelai to finish up her conversation. Lorelai wandered back out into the kitchen, returning after she had said goodbye to Rory. Grace nervously played with her hair, trying to keep it so that it fell in front of her shoulders.
“Hey, kid,” Lorelai smiled, sitting down next to Grace. “A little late, aren't you?”
“Sorry,” Grace shrugged. “We were watching tv and downing massive quantities of cheeseburgers and french fries.”
“Mm,” Lorelai grinned. “I smell a trip to Luke's.”
Grace nodded. “The only way to get a decent meal when Pop is away. So is Rory getting set to move back East?”
“Yeah,” Lorelai sighed. “I guess Jess and I will go out and help her get packed up. Jess is going to head out next week, and I'll fly out in two.”
“So everything is going good with them?” Grace asked.
“Yep,” Lorelai nodded. “They're happy, and they're looking forward to settling in together.”
“It'll be nice to see her more often,” Grace sighed. “I hate only seeing her on Christmas.”
“And sometimes Arbor Day,” Lorelai pointed out.
“Yeah,” Grace laughed. “Guess I should get to bed, huh?”
“Grace?” Lorelai began. “You were an hour late. That's not flying in under the radar, you know?”
“Mom,” Grace whined. “Practice ran late, and I was really hungry. It was no big deal.”
“Then why were you trying to pull a Mission Impossible by sneaking in?” Lorelai pressed.
“Because I knew you'd go into meltdown mode,” Grace sulked.
“Your Pop isn't going to be too thrilled that Dave kept you out past curfew,” Lorelai said sternly.
“Well, Pop needs to just lay off Dave, okay?” Grace seethed. “Maybe if he stopped pressuring my boyfriend all the time, we wouldn't have to take an extra hour just because he left town. Maybe if Pop laid off of us, things wouldn't be so crazy, ever think of that Mom? And why is he always acting like Dave is just waiting to jump my bones? Last time I checked, my boyfriend loved me. And he's good, and he's sweet, and Pop needs to just see that a lot of guys wouldn't be as understanding as Dave is, you know? He puts up with a lot of shit, Mom, and most guys would just try to jump you in the passenger seat of their stupid cars. At least Dave has the decency to listen to me, damn it,” Grace ranted.
“Nice potty mouth,” Lorelai scowled. “Turn the obscenity volume down a notch, please.”
“Sorry,” Grace huffed.
“Where's that coming from?” Lorelai asked, playing with a lock of Grace's hair. Grace yanked her hair out of Lorelai's hand and lowered her head. “Grace?” Lorelai pressed, narrowing her eyes at the girl.
“Geez,” Grace moaned, whipping her hair off her neck. “Got a neck full of suck mark,” she pointed out, rolling her eyes.
Lorelai's jaw dropped. “Ew, Grace,” she cried. “Did Dave attack you with a Hoover?”
“No, Mom, he attacked me with his mouth,” Grace snarked.
“What the hell was he thinking?” Lorelai asked sharply. “What the hell were YOU thinking?”
“Mom,” Grace wailed. “This is hard!”
“What's hard?” Lorelai asked, her voice rising in panic.
“Waiting!” Grace cried. “Do you even remember how hard it was to not do things you really wanted to do? Oh, I guess not, you just got down to it and got pregnant.”
“You need to check your attitude,” Lorelai warned. “I have no problem discussing things your father would rather solve with a baseball bat and a shallow grave, but you'd better remember who you're talking to. I'm your mother, and you will calm down, and show some respect.”
“I'm sorry,” Grace moaned, holding her head in her hands. “This was a really rough night, okay?”
“How rough?” Lorelai cringed. “Did anything happen? With Dave? Was he being too....demanding?”
“No,” Grace sighed. “The problem is I'm a big, horrible, short skirt wearing, pink panty hinting hussy.”
“Uh, what?” Lorelai asked. “I'm lost here.”
“I've been teasing Dave like crazy this week,” Grace sighed. “I knew I was doing it, but I didn't think it was, you know, that effective.”
“How effective?” Lorelai groaned. “And where the hell do you stand in the waiting game, Gracie?”
“Aw, geez, we're still standing in the card-carrying virgins line, Mom.”
Lorelai exhaled sharply, obviously relieved. “Yay for the card-carrying.”
“But it was my fault,” Grace blurted out. “I got him all worked up, and I know you're going to tell Pop, and I'm really going to hate you for that, but you gotta understand, he tries really hard to not let us get into those situations, and how the heck is he supposed to keep it in check when I'm tackling him and acting like he's Seabiscuit?”
“Oh, god, Grace, don't use that kind of imagery,” Lorelai shuddered. “That's just weird.”
“You know what? I really wanted to mess around,” Grace admitted. “That's why I've been giving him such a hard time. I really wanted to wear him down. And I liked it. I liked what was happening, and for a minute, I kind of didn't want to stop, but I totally panicked, and pushed him away.”
“You're both only human,” Lorelai sympathized. “You have to play nice, though, Grace. It's not fair to instigate a situation that you aren't ready to see all the way through. And apparently, you are pretty lucky, if you have a guy who is willing to back down when you say you've had enough.”
“I hate hormones!” Grace screeched.
“Honey, calm down,” Lorelai smiled. “Listen, you're growing up. And I know Luke still sees a four year old little girl who insisted on dressing up as Mister Rogers for Halloween. But you're not a little girl anymore. To him, you're always going to be his weird little Gracie. But he knows you're growing up, too. And he isn't trying to hold you back, that man is just trying to protect you, and keep you safe and happy. Nothing terrifies him more than the thought that Dave McArdle, or any other boy for that matter, is going to break your heart. He worries about every one of you kids when you're out of his sight.”
“Pop is way hard-core,” Grace sighed. “He'd disown me if we ever...you know.”
“No he won't,” Lorelai sighed. “Kid, you can't be afraid to talk to us. We can't make your decisions for you. We can offer you our personal experiences and hope that you make good choices, but in the end, it's up to you. You need to be responsible, and safe, and think things through. Weigh the consequences of your actions. Eventually though, if you and Dave stay together, you may make the decision to take things further, and I can only beg you to come to us first. Talk to us, okay?”
Grace nodded silently.
“Grace?” Lorelai pressed. “Is this something you think may happen soon?”
“I don't know,” Grace whispered. “I think it may...happen.”
“Why?” Lorelai asked.
“Why?” Grace laughed nervously. “Isn't it obvious?”
“No, it isn't,” Lorelai argued. “If you think you're ready to go down this path, at the very least you should have reasons.”
“I love him,” Grace shrugged. “And I know everyone thinks he's just my first boyfriend, and I'm being naïve to think that we're always going to be together, but Mom, I really think there's something here, and I really think we're...he's not just my first boyfriend. I really feel things about him. And I want him to be a part of my life. And we work at it, you know? We make big, rational decisions about our future, and we worry about stupid things like do we raise our kids in Stars Hollow, or will we move away, and what if I don't make it as dancer? What's my fall-back plan? And what if Dave doesn't get any good football scholarships? We make plans, Mom. Jesus, do you know that Dave has spent the last two weeks trying to explain 401Ks to me?”
“Really?” Lorelai snorted, trying to contain her laughter. “That is the cutest thing I've ever heard. Have you discussed pork futures yet?”
“Mom,” Grace groaned.
“Okay, so you guys discuss your future. So go jump in the sack. Get down and dirty,” Lorelai sighed.
“It's not just that,” Grace retorted.
“Then what is it?” Lorelai pressed.
“I want to be close to him. I want to...I don't know. Connect with him on that level,” Grace shrugged. “I can't imagine it happening with anyone else but him. I feel safe with him, Mom. I feel like I'm with someone who really gets me. And I get him. There's just this thing when we're together. Like we fit. Totally.”
“Wow,” Lorelai sighed, pulling Grace close. “You really got it bad, don't you, kiddo?”
“I do,” Grace moaned. “I feel like I left a leg at his house tonight.”
“Is he your right leg or your left leg?” Lorelai smiled.
“Sometimes he's half my ribcage,” Grace giggled. “Or my right lung.”
“My girls are all getting their own Lukes,” Lorelai smiled. “How did that happen?”
“Sammie is still way out of the game,” Grace snorted. “I busted her watching 'Powerpuff Girls' re-runs last week.”
“And I busted you watching re-runs of 'My Friend Rabbit' two days ago,” Lorelai shot back.
“Catchy theme song,” Grace grinned. “Hey, I'll come to you before it happens, I promise.”
“Thanks,” Lorelai sighed. “I may actually be able to sleep tonight if you promise me that, at least.”
“And it's not going to happen in like the next week, so you don't need to worry about that,” Grace explained. “I'm not actually there yet. If tonight proved anything, I'm still definitely not ready to take that step.”
Lorelai nodded. “Don't ever do anything you aren't ready for, okay Gracie? Not with Dave, not with anybody. Ever. It's your life, nobody gets to make that call except you.”
“I won't,” Grace promised.
“Good,” Lorelai smiled. “I know you well enough to know that nobody can bully you into doing anything. If anything, you're the big bully.”
“Is there any way to actually brace Pop for this kind of thing?” Grace asked warily. “Any way that doesn't shave twenty years off of Dave's life expectancy?”
“I'll figure something out,” Lorelai promised. “I have no clue what that's going to be, but something will come to mind. I've known him for a quarter of a century. I can swing this.”
“My head hurts,” Grace muttered.
“Well yeah,” Lorelai laughed. “With the virginity threats and the greasy diner food, and Seabiscuit, you must be on the verge of a brain aneurysm.”
“And the worst thing is, you know what was really eating at me on my way home tonight?” Grace asked.
“Was it whether Dave was more McDreamy or McSteamy?” Lorelai guessed.
“Huh?” Grace frowned.
“Never mind,” Lorelai sighed. “It was a television thing...you were too young.”
“Okay,” Grace shrugged. “So this whole thing with Rory and Jess, what's the deal with that, anyway?”
“What do you mean?” Lorelai asked. “When two people love each other, they express it intimately. Many many years after they first get together,” Lorelai said pointedly. “Then, an egg travels down the fallopian tube...”
“Oh, cut it out,” Grace laughed. “I mean, so when the baby comes, am I the baby's aunt? Or is the baby my second cousin?”
Lorelai stared at Grace thoughtfully, twirling one of the girl's curls around her finger. “You know what, Sweetie?” she finally replied. “I have absolutely no clue.”
Chapter 49: Gimpy McGimperson Comes Home
Sammie glanced up as she saw a set of headlights shine through the window. “Dad's home!” she exclaimed.
“Oh, thank god,” Drew moaned, laying his head on his the textbook that lay open before him on the coffee table. “Maybe we'll get a real meal tonight.”
“Oh, shush,” Lorelai scolded, jumping up and peering through the window. “It is your Dad!” she said happily.
“So hungry,” Drew whispered pathetically.
“You just ate four Pop Tarts and half a bag of tater tots,” Sammie pointed out as Lorelai darted out the front door. Lorelai stood on the porch, watching Luke extricate himself from the car, leaning heavily on his cane as he walked back to the trunk to retrieve his bag.
“Overwork the bionic leg?” Lorelai asked as she hurried to the car to lend a hand.
“In a big way,” Luke groaned, leaning on the car as Lorelai approached. “It's been screaming for three days straight now.”
“Gotta be careful with that,” Lorelai frowned, wrapping her arms around Luke's waist. “Hi, sailor,” she smiled, tilting her face up to Luke's.
“Hey there, pretty lady,” Luke grinned, lowering his head to Lorelai's face and kissing her gently.
“Missed you,” Lorelai murmured against Luke's lips.
“Ditto,” Luke whispered, pulling Lorelai into a bear hug. “Jess isn't very cuddly on a cold night.”
“Ew,” Lorelai giggled into Luke's chest. “How's the nursery coming along?”
“Fully bedroom converted, painted, and ready for Rory's decorating enjoyment,” Luke sighed. “Hallelujah.”
“Christopher called,” Lorelai sighed, cringing as she felt Luke stiffen.
“What for?” Luke growled, pulling back to look at Lorelai.
Lorelai shrugged, looking up at Luke. “Just to vent about Rory being pregnant, and to see if this was something to be happy about,” she replied, rolling her eyes.
“After all these years, he still needs to be prompted on how to react?” Luke scoffed bitterly.
“Same old Christopher,” Lorelai frowned. “Just giving you full disclosure, Babe.”
“I know,” Luke sighed, pulling Lorelai closer. “Never going to not hate that schmuck. How long did it take him to get back to her on the subject?”
“Don't get territorial,” Lorelai smiled, fingering Luke's jacket. “Rory loves Chris, but she loves you, too. Chris is her father, who sends his congratulations via a belated email. You're her Dad, who gives her peppermint tea and crackers to make her belly feel better. Believe me, Rory's eyes are wide open when it comes to these things.”
Luke shrugged, burying his face into Lorelai's neck. “I don't want to be competitive about this stuff,” he sighed. “But it really irritates me when he puts on the five minute daddy show before he goes back to focusing on the daughter he bothered to raise.”
“Ancient history,” Lorelai murmured, stroking Luke's back. “You're going to be a terrific grandfather. Or great-uncle. Whatever that's going to be.”
Luke laughed and raised his head. “We need to hire a genealogist to figure this mess out.”
“But it's a beautiful mess,” Lorelai smiled, disentangling herself from Luke's arms and grabbing his bag out of the trunk and closing the hatch. “I'll get your bag, Gimpy McGimperson.”
“Glad to see I've got you well trained,” Luke grunted as they walked toward the house. “How are the troops? Did they go all 'Lord Of The Flies' while I was gone?”
Lorelai stopped short on the porch, slapping her forehead. “I knew there was a reason why Drew was running around in a grass skirt and Sammie was jumping on the couch screaming 'Kill the pig! Bash him in!'. I thought she was just having a bad reaction to 'Charlotte's Web'.”
“You're a beast and a swine and a bloody, bloody thief,” Luke said thoughtfully.
Lorelai spun around to face Luke. “Wow,” she whispered reverently. “A thousand million points for such a vague literary reference.”
“Hey, I was a boy once,” Luke shrugged. “It was a cool book. All the bashing and the beastie talk. I had nightmares for a week after I read that story.”
“And here I thought you only read 'In-Fisherman' as a child,” Lorelai laughed as they walked into the house.
“I am a multi-dimensional person,” Luke nodded as he peeled off his jacket. “You'll never really completely uncover the true essence of me. I'm too complex.”
“I think you're developing a complex, that's for sure,” Lorelai sighed. “Look what I found, kiddies,” she smiled.
“Hey Daddy,” Sammie smiled, running to hug Luke. “Bring me anything?”
“Uh, yeah,” Luke replied, handing Sammie his jacket. “Take it. Love it. Treasure it. And hang it up for me, will you?”
“Gee thanks,” Sammie snarked, carrying the jacket to the closet.
“Cook for us!” Drew cried mournfully, his head still resting on his text book.
“Good to see you, too,” Luke retorted. “Your hair is lying in a puddle of ketchup, by the way. I don't think you've been starving, kid.”
“I'm a growing boy,” Drew pouted, fingering the hair that was resting dangerously close to his empty plate.
“The way you eat, it's a wonder you haven't grown to the size of Jabba the Hut,” Luke grunted, sitting down on the couch.
“I'm so hungry I could eat Jabba,” Drew sighed.
“That's a disturbing image,” Luke replied.
“Pizza the Hut,” Sammie noted, returning to the living room.
“Huh?” Drew asked, looking quizzically at Sammie.
“Spaceballs,” Lorelai laughed, flopping down next to Luke. “It would be more appropriate for you to eat Pizza the Hut, not Jabba.”
“Pizza,” Drew murmured. “Pizza would be awesome.”
“Geez,” Luke sighed. “Is he gearing up for another growth spurt?”
“Looks like,” Lorelai smiled. “They always go into binge mode right before they shoot up another three inches.”
“I'm ready to start gnawing on the table,” Drew noted.
“That was Xander's thing,” Lorelai pointed out.
“Huh?” Drew asked, confused again.
“See that?” Lorelai asked, leaning forward to point at a few nicks in the coffee table.
“Yeah?” Drew replied.
“Those are Xander's chew marks. He really liked to snack on the coffee table when he was teething,” Lorelai giggled.
“Weirdo,” Sammie laughed. “No wonder he needs a retainer.”
Drew bared his teeth and lowered his head toward the coffee table. “Oh for the love of god,” Lorelai sighed. “I'll make you a Hot Pocket.” Luke laughed out loud as Lorelai went out to the kitchen to scrape up some food for the boy.
“Drama queen,” Luke chuckled at Drew.
“Simple but effective,” Drew shrugged, returning to his homework.
“You could just get off your lazy ass and make something to eat,” Luke scoffed.
“Where's the fun in that?” Drew asked distractedly.
“Good point,” Luke nodded. “I'm going to head up and turn in early, I'm beat. Enjoy your Hot Pocket, you brat.”
“I will,” Drew grinned. “Night,” he added as Luke ruffled his hair.
“Night, Dad,” Sammie said, craning her neck up to give Luke a kiss.
“Night, kiddo,” he sighed and made his way up the stairs.
Lorelai brought Drew his Hot Pocket and glanced around. “Where did your father go?” she frowned as she set Drew's plate on the coffee table.
“Bed,” Sammie mumbled, not looking up from her textbook.
“Geez,” Lorelai muttered. “It's eight o'clock. Keep trucking on your homework, I'm going upstairs to check on Sleeping Beauty.”
“Don't be gross,” Drew called after Lorelai.
“We'll be as gross as we want to be,” Lorelai shot back as she climbed the stairs. “You just keep holding on to your hard-learned lessons about knocking first.”
“Yuck,” Sammie sighed, shaking her head.
“Trust me, total yuck,” Drew shuddered. “Dad's a perv.”
“It was just kissing,” Lorelai yelled from the top of the stairs, turning to walk toward the bedroom. “Luke?” she called softly, opening the door.
“What was just kissing?” Luke mumbled. He was still fully clothed, laying on his side on top of the still-made bed.
“Us,” Lorelai smiled, crawling up on the bed next to Luke. “Drew was having a foreplay flashback.”
“Serves him right for not knocking,” Luke yawned.
“Why are you in bed?” Lorelai scowled, snuggling up to Luke.
“Tired,” Luke shrugged. “Hard work. Gets us old farts worn out.”
“Is your leg really bothering you?” Lorelai asked, rubbing the side of Luke's thigh gently.
Luke nodded. “Massive throbbing happening right now.”
“Dirty,” Lorelai whispered. “But not the kind of throbbing I like. Did you take anything?”
“Yep,” Luke sighed. “Waiting for the nice pills to start doing their job.”
“Hey,” Lorelai smiled. “Can we talk?”
“What about?” Luke groaned, wincing as he rolled onto his back.
“Just stuff,” Lorelai shrugged.
“Christopher?” Luke asked warily, narrowing his eyes at Lorelai.
“No,” Lorelai responded. “Kid stuff.”
“Oh,” Luke sighed. “Which kid did what while I was gone?”
“Don't flip out on me, okay?” Lorelai sighed. “This is serious grown up Mommy and Daddy discussing the fate of their children stuff, not crazy Poppy stuff, got it?”
“Shit,” Luke moaned. “What did Grace do?”
“We did some talking,” Lorelai explained. “About stuff.”
“Thanks for clarifying,” Luke muttered. “What are we dealing with here?”
“Luke,” Lorelai sighed, sitting up. “I think it's time for Grace to go on the pill.”
“What?” Luke cried, struggling to sit upright. “Why in the hell do you think that?”
“Because, hon, it's going to happen,” Lorelai said, grabbing Luke's hand.
“Like hell it is,” Luke growled, running his fingers through his hair. “It's time to kick Dave to the curb, that's what time it is.”
“We can't tell her who she can and can't love,” Lorelai argued. “She loves him. I know we like to think that she's too young for this, but Babe, she really loves him.”
“It's her first boyfriend,” Luke cried. “She doesn't know...”
“Let's talk about when you were sixteen,” Lorelai said sharply. “Who were you with?”
“Rachel,” Luke growled. “You know that.”
“Did you love her?” Lorelai asked. Luke only shook his head and scratched at his stubble. “Looking back now, do you question whether or not you really loved her, or do you stand by how you felt at the time?” Lorelai pressed.
Luke sighed miserably. “I loved her.”
“Exactly,” Lorelai shot back. “And I loved Christopher.”
“Don't remind me,” Luke snarked.
“It's real,” Lorelai insisted. “Maybe it's just her first love, but sometimes, people have only one love in their life. It's not realistic, but we can't discount that maybe they can work together. She thinks she has it, and you know and I know that odds are it won't last, but those kids are really invested in this thing, whatever it is. And as much as you hate to admit it, we both know that Dave really loves her. And he's a good boy.”
“How invested?” Luke asked, his voice cracking.
“Invested enough for at least one really close call this week, and you and I both need to be rejoicing right now in the fact that Gracie is with a boy who cares enough about her to listen when she says 'stop' awfully late in the game,” Lorelai replied.
“Jesus,” Luke rasped. “What the hell went on?”
“Apparently, Gracie went into Lethal Lolita mode and overloaded Dave's hormonal hard drive,” Lorelai explained. “He's in the grips of puberty, Luke, you remember that. She said 'go', and he went. What's important is that he stopped.”
“That little son of a...” Luke whispered.
“No,” Lorelai warned. “Your daughter was the one who made the bad move. You need to keep that in the forefront of your mind, hon.”
“Crap,” Luke moaned, laying back down on his pillow. “So, your solution is to put her on the pill?”
“I think it's the wisest thing to do,” Lorelai shrugged, laying on her side and facing Luke.
“That's giving them permission,” Luke argued. “You can't just say 'Fine, go have sex, just don't make babies.' They have to wait, they need to keep it in check.”
“Oh,” Lorelai nodded. “Because we did such a good job of keeping it in check when we were sixteen. When did you get in the game again, Luke?”
“Geez,” Luke sighed.
“When was that, Luke?” Lorelai pressed. “Because I'm thinking you got in the game before I did, and if I'm not mistaken, you were just barely older than Xander.”
“Okay,” Luke sighed. “You're right. We were fifteen when it happened.”
“Listen, we've done what we can,” Lorelai argued. “We've told them what they need to be told. And frankly, I'm delirious over the fact that Grace is talking to me about it. She's afraid to tell you. And I think you need to talk to her about this, rationally, so she gets over that. She needs to be able to come to you about Dave, too. She's being forthcoming so far. She's admitted that at this point, she's still a virgin.”
“She is?” Luke asked, his voice quaking. “For sure?”
“Yeah, but she also admitted that she doesn't think that's going to last much longer,” Lorelai sighed.
“Oh boy,” Luke whispered, covering his face with his hands.
“It's in their hands now,” Lorelai said softly.
“I know,” Luke whispered.
“We need to focus on keeping them safe, and on track,” Lorelai continued. “I need you to support me on this, Babe.”
“Okay,” Luke groaned. “She goes on the pill. But not until we sit down with them. Both of them.”
“Then we need to do that post-haste,” Lorelai replied. “And you need to be calm about this. No yelling, no accusations, no dumping bodies in the lake, and no locking Grace up in her bedroom until she's eighteen.”
“Can I punch him?” Luke asked. “Just once?”
“No,” Lorelai laughed. “You cannot punch him.”
“Can I kick him?” Luke sighed. “Just a little tap? In the shin?”
“No,” Lorelai said apologetically. “We're going to be grown ups, remember?”
“I hate being a grown up,” Luke growled. “And I hate that you want me to look her in the eye and give her the green light to do this kind of stuff. It's too hard. I don't want to let that little jerk take my baby, okay? I had plausible deniability with April. She didn't have Stars Hollow boyfriends. I didn't have some snake worming his way into my daughter's life right under my nose. This is Gracie. She's not supposed to like boys. She should still be reading 'The Cat In The Hat'. Not getting groped by....him.”
“We're not giving her the green light,” Lorelai argued. “We're just telling them there needs to be responsibility involved. And they need to...oh, Jesus, I don't know,” she sighed. “But we have to be there for them, okay? We have to make sure she keeps talking to us.”
“Give me a day to digest this, all right?” Luke asked tersely. “I need some hardcore denial for at least twenty four hours.”
“All right,” Lorelai sighed as Luke pulled his pillow out from under his head and covered his face.
“Starting right now?” she teased.
“Yes,” Luke replied, his voice muffled.
“She's growing up,” Lorelai said softly.
“No,” Luke growled from beneath the pillow.
“They all are,” Lorelai sighed.
“Nooo,” Luke moaned into his pillow.
“I miss my babies,” Lorelai said sadly.
“There's another one on the way,” Luke pointed out, peeking out from under his hiding place.
“Yeah,” Lorelai grinned. “It'll be nice to see another tiny one around here. And at least Rory and Jess are nearby. We'll be able to visit them, they'll visit us. We won't miss our grand baby growing up.”
“And we don't have to worry about boys,” Luke smiled wanly, slowly coming out of hiding. “That's all Jess's problem now.”
“Being grandparents will be fun,” Lorelai smiled. “We get all the fun stuff, and when the bodily fluids start erupting, we get to hand the baby back to Mommy and Daddy.”
“I think I kind of like the idea,” Luke nodded, pushing his pillow back behind his head.
Lorelai smiled and snuggled up to Luke. “I like your denial mode. It's fun.”
“It's a happy place, with fluffy bunnies, and rainbows and lots of beer,” Luke chuckled. “You should come visit with me more often.”
“I love my little represser,” Lorelai giggled. “Are there mojitos in Denial Land?”
Luke nodded. “Anything you want to be there is there,” he assured Lorelai. “In Denial Land, the Red Sox win the Series every year, and there are no parent-teacher conferences. Or taxes. Or Kirk.”
“Let's buy a vacation home there,” Lorelai gasped.
“Already got one,” Luke grinned.
“Is it pretty?” Lorelai asked.
“It is if you say so,” Luke yawned.
“I say so,” Lorelai laughed.
“Presto,” Luke muttered. “Pretty vacation house. See how easy that was?”
Lorelai sighed deeply. “Are you going to be okay with this?” she asked warily.
“Never,” Luke growled.
“But are you going to be okay with this?” Lorelai pressed.
“Practicing my sane face as we speak,” Luke groaned.
“Good boy,” Lorelai smiled, patting Luke's hand. “You're going to get the hang of this parenting thing yet, I just know it.”
“Just let me know when I get my 'certified' sticker,” Luke mumbled. “Can I have a beer now? I really need a drink.”
“No beer in the fridge,” Lorelai said sadly. “You just go drift off to Denial Land. I'll get the kids to bed, and I'll come join you. We'll kick back our heels and have some mojitos on the beach then.”
“There's a beach?” Luke asked sleepily.
“I say there is,” Lorelai shot back.
Luke nodded. “You're very good at the denial thing,” he slurred as he closed his eyes.
“Night, slugger,” Lorelai smiled, kissing Luke's forehead, and quietly getting out of bed.
“Night,” Luke whispered as he rolled over and drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 50: Paradise Lost
Luke sat in his chair, arms folded across his chest, eyes fixed on a point somewhere slightly above and in between Grace and Dave. He blinked only when his eyes began to get painfully dry, and he was no longer able to avoid the inevitable need for moisture. He must be frowning, he assumed, because he could actually make out a faint hint of his own eyebrows. He tried to relax his features, but somehow, he wasn't able to do it. Unfurrowing his brow would mean unclenching his jaw, and at this point, unclenching his jaw would only lead to a steady stream of hysterical obscenities flying out of his mouth, and Luke had already been sternly warned to keep that in check.
So Luke stared. At that spot. It was the safest spot to fix his gaze. If he looked at Grace, he'd end up on his knees, pleading with her to snap out of it. Grab Bunbun, pack her Hello Kitty knapsack, grab the tents and go camping. Permanently. They could survive on bluegills until she was thirty. It was a safe enough age. She still had that -teen thing happening. As long as there was a -teen thing tacked on to her age, there was no acceptable reason to be participating in this intervention.
Grace shouldn't be letting herself get sidetracked by this kid, Luke thought. She had dreams. She had goals. She had a plan. He couldn't understand when exactly Dave became part of the plan. When could she possibly even schedule in time to sit around and moon over this guy? Her plate was already full. Her schedule consisted of school, dance, cheer, dance, dance, work a shift at the diner, eat a cheeseburger, sleep, and dance. There was no room for boys. There shouldn't be room for boys. But somehow, this boy was always around.
Luke shifted ever so slightly. He was developing a crick in his neck, but didn't want to make any sudden moves. The barely discernible motion he had just made had caught the attention of both Grace and Dave. Luke didn't allow his eyes to waver from that spot he was focusing on, but his peripheral vision allowed him to catch the fact that both of their heads had jerked in his general direction. They definitely were hyper aware of their surroundings. Luke blinked slowly. Lorelai's voice droned steadily on somewhere off to his right. Luke didn't turn to glance at Lorelai, although he wanted to. He was supposed to be participating in the discussion, but after about a half hour of playing the part of concerned yet compassionate father, he needed a little down time. He allowed Lorelai to run the lecture. He really didn't agree with a damn word she was saying, but he had no real choice in the matter. His only opinions on how to handle the question of raging hormones were illegal, irrational, and mostly involved time travel. So, his only option was to allow the cooler head to prevail, and at this point, Lorelai was the only cool head in the union.
To be fair, Luke had participated. Actively. Vocally. Calmly. Rationally. He had practiced the rational voice quite a bit in the last couple of days. He had even said words like 'condom', 'contraceptive', and 'pregnancy' without bashing anybody's head in. That in itself deserved accolades. The urge to inflict pain was at its greatest whenever he was trying to be informative yet non-judemental. Especially to two wide eyed, pale-faced, completely cowed teenagers. If anything justified his insistence that this conversation should not be happening, it was the image of these two kids, sitting side by side, looking like they were barely prepared to run out onto a playground for a game of kickball, much less ready to take on the responsibility of a relationship involving sexual intimacy.
The worst thing was, Luke thought, that he was younger than these two when he first took that step. And hell, he wasn't even Rachel's first. But then, he didn't have to face his father before it happened. There was an uncomfortable discussion when he was eleven about a man loving a woman, which led to fertilized eggs, and possibly v.d., but it was quickly followed up with the basic statement that if Luke ever dared to treat a girl like a pound of chopped steak, he was going to find himself on the business end of his father's belt. It was an effective threat, to say the least, considering William Danes never had a problem with introducing that business end of his belt to Luke's ass, so the conversation was filed under the same 'Don't' list as all of William's other belt related threats: Don't smoke, don't drink, don't smack your sister upside the head, don't toilet paper Mr. Doose's house, don't cross the street without looking both ways, and don't tighten the knot on your fishing line without spitting on it first, otherwise it will weaken the line, and if you lose one more good lure because you didn't spit, your dad is going to get really pissed. But he certainly didn't consider approaching his father about the possibility of going all the way with Rachel. It was basically just understood that when it happened, Luke had better man up and do right by the girl. Luke knew his own intentions. He knew he wasn't going to treat Rachel like dirt. He had no clue what Dave's intentions were. And that's what really scared him.
Luke tried to remember what the real motivation was behind him and Rachel taking it all the way. Sure, it was lust, love, the whole forbidden fruit thing. But any kid jumping in the sack had some kind of underlying motivation, right? Something was always lacking in somebody's life to take that step. That's what all the talk shows implied. Liz's motivation for her rampant experience was easy. Blame it on the 'daughter floundering without a mother's influence' theory. It was certainly his father's favorite excuse for any of Liz's behavior. And Lorelai was a fish out of water, a girl raised in a sterile environment with ridiculous rules of etiquette, and the need to keep up appearances, damn whatever really lies beneath. She was rebelling, plain and simple. But Luke's damage? He could point to the loss of his mother, too, he supposed, but really, Rachel signified escape to him, more than anything. Escape from the pressure of trying to be a man and help out his father, when all he wanted to do was do ollies on his skateboard with his buddies. Escape from having to mother hen his stupid sister who was allowed to flake out as much as she wanted while he was expected to be responsible and level-headed, no matter what. Escape from living in an environment where it seemed nobody in his family could catch a lousy break. Time alone with Rachel meant not having to count pennies, worry about the bills, wonder if the house was going to get repossessed, or stress about the weird chronic cough his dad had developed. It was time he could just be himself. And feel good. Things he rarely got as a kid.
So what the hell was Grace's damage? The kid had a good home, parents who loved her, and each other. Brothers and sisters who barely offered only typical sibling rivalry and general annoyance. She was obsessed with the dance thing, but she never received pressure from anyone but herself. School was a breeze for the girl, and she had friends. She was independent, outspoken, and confident. She had no concept of what it was like to be an outcast. She only knew what it was like to have everything she ever touched turn to gold. The kid was a golden child, no doubt about it, and she managed to do it all without being a jerk about it. Her worst shortcomings were being mildly spoiled, and being capable of making her father bend to her will with only minor effort, but it was balanced out by the fact that she was a good kid, incapable of being mean to anybody, and not prone to a Veruca Salt caliber sense of entitlement. He couldn't imagine that she was simply caving to pressure from Dave. Grace led the kid around by the nose, basically. So why were they in such a rush?
And what happened to the best friend thing? From the time she could form a coherent sentence, the one constant in their lives was the profession that they would always be best friends. Even when they were mad at each other, someone would call a time out, ask to talk to their friend. An entire lifetime of pinky swears, inside jokes, conspiratorial laughter. How many times did Lorelai admonish him for 'playing favorites'? How many times did he try in vain to explain that it wasn't favoritism, that it was because they were too much alike? He loved his children in a way that he couldn't explain. Each one of them. The idea of a moment of unhappiness for any of them was enough to make him unable to sleep at night, not until the suffering party had found their way back to contentment. He could only describe the love for his childen as fierce, overwhelming. But Grace. She was the one who got him. She was the one he only had to look at to communicate with. Sometimes, Luke thought, Grace got him slightly more than Lorelai did. Because she was him. Genetically, emotionally, she was Luke, through and through. It's why he got her. Why he could read her like a book. Because being with Grace was like being with his mother again, his father again. But now his best friend had disappeared. She didn't trust him. She was afraid of what he thought of her. And so she had turned to Lorelai. Because she couldn't face her best friend. That stung, Luke mused. That stung so much worse than everything else. She let him down because he let her down. He wanted his best friend back, so much so that he ached inside.
Luke sighed softly. He definitely didn't understand kids anymore. Trying so hard to grow up before their time, not taking the time to just enjoy being a kid. He couldn't understand sitting here pointing out the pitfalls of sex, simply because a couple of kids decided 'Hey, let's have sex now'. Sex complicated things. If things were so great between them, why did they have to add unnecessary drama? He still didn't have the whole complicated web figured out, and he was well ensconced in a long, happy marriage. Dave didn't know what he was in for, that was certain. Just by getting physically involved with a girl, any girl, you were opening yourself up to buying a one way ticket to Bizarro World. Even after all these years of marriage, Luke still couldn't figure out all the things a man had to do to keep up with his partner. Women. Complicated. It was easy from a man's perspective. Insert Tab A into Slot B, thrust, repeat a few times, go to sleep happy. The part nobody bothers to mention is the fact this has to be done with a woman. A living, breathing, complicated woman. There was no four simple steps to achieving that moment of bliss. There were traps aplenty when it came to making love to a woman. A man has to gauge mindset, mood, water retention potential, distraction level, whether or not there was a fight in the previous three months that may suddenly be referenced about three minutes before climax, a sudden flash of insecurity, too much unflattering lighting, not enough flattering lighting, the ever changing hot zones, not enough foreplay, thinking what he's doing is foreplay, but she thinks it's just a conversation, beard growth, hickey potential, being too rough, being too gentle, not being loving enough, being overly emotional, saying the wrong thing, saying the right thing, but not exactly at the right time, trying too hard, not trying hard enough, not making eye contact, staring too long, leg cramps, sweaty body suction, inability to find the right rhythm, forgetting to cuddle properly afterward, the list went on and on and on. And to top it off, the kid was nowhere near the scariness of menopause. All this for the purpose of achieving the almighty orgasm. All this because you love the damn girl, and you'd do anything to be able to stay by her side.
Luke sighed again. Even he had to admit, he wouldn't trade it all for anything in the world. The damn kids were just on the verge of beginning to discover the roller coaster ride that love really was. And he was jealous. Jealous of the newness of it all for them. Because the discovery would be squandered. It would be missed, not appreciated. Because that was the curse of being young. You don't know what you've really got until it's long since passed you by. It's there only to be understood years later, long after you can make it right, make it last. Not that he was disappointed with his life now. He loved Lorelai. Every day was still a roller coaster ride. But when he had all that new information, all that energy and passion, the conviction that all you needed was love to see you through, she wasn't there to share it with.. It was squandered, dismissed, unnoticed, ignored. The knowledge that once innocence was lost, there was no going back, was painful to admit, but even Luke knew there was no way he could ever make them appreciate that with just words. Because the only way a person can ever truly understand the truth of what the world holds for them is to leave Eden behind. Innocence is paradise, but paradise is meaningless until it's lost. Maybe life wasn't really about fighting to find a piece of that paradise again, Luke mused. Maybe it was more about the fact that you finally knew what you were fighting for. Because if you're not fighting, you're not living. And you can't really live until you have something to fight for.
Luke blinked. And there was the rub, he thought sadly. The only choice he really had was to let her fall. Let her take her first steps all over again. There was nothing he could do to prevent it. He had to handle the figurative first steps exactly as he handled those first physical steps she made as a baby. Show her how its done, let her go, and stay close by, ready to catch her if she miscalculated. Because if he didn't let her go, the world would just pass her by. His only real choice was to let her live her life, for better or worse.
“Luke?” Lorelai said again.
“Huh?” Luke asked, pulling himself out of his reverie and turning to face his wife.
“Is there anything else you want to add?” Lorelai asked softly.
Luke stared at Lorelai, then glanced at Grace. He sighed miserably, noting the shimmer of tears in her eyes as she stared back at him, silently pleading with him to understand.
“Nothing comes to my mind,” Luke said quietly, smiling sadly at Grace.
“Then I think maybe it's time we call it a night,” Lorelai nodded. “David? Do you want me to drive you home?”
“Thanks,” Dave nodded. “I'd appreciate it.”
“Sure,” Lorelai smiled, getting up and retrieving her coat and keys.
Dave lifted Grace's hand and placed a quick kiss on its back. “I'll see you later,” he whispered.
Grace nodded. “Bye,” she smiled. “Olive juice.”
“Olive juice, too,” Dave grinned, standing up. He approached Luke warily. Luke silently rose to his feet. “Thanks for...talking to us, Mr. D,” Dave said quietly, holding out his hand.
Luke stared at Dave's hand. He extended his own hand, allowing Dave to shake it nervously.
“You do right by her,” Luke rasped.
Dave nodded solemnly. “I will,” he promised. “I love her,” he shrugged helplessly.
“I know,” Luke whispered, watching as Dave slowly turned and followed Lorelai out the front door.
Luke sank back into his chair as the door closed behind Dave. He propped his head up on his fist, staring at Grace mournfully. Grace quietly regarded her father in return. They sat silently, the only sound the soft, steady tick of the clock on the mantle.
Grace cleared her throat nervously. “Hi,” she finally whispered.
“Hey,” Luke smiled wanly.
“How's it going over there?” Grace asked, fussing with her skirt.
“A little loud up here,” Luke sighed, tapping his temple.
Grace nodded. “Kind of figured,” she admitted.
“Loud over there?” Luke grunted.
“Yeah,” Grace smiled. “Seventy six trombones.”
“Just seventy six?” Luke smirked.
“Let me check,” Grace smiled, cocking her head and pretending to listen intently. “Wait,” she murmured. “More like....seventy...two,” she decided.
Luke nodded. “Nice even number, at least.”
Grace distractedly straightened the magazines strewn across the coffee table. “Poppy?” she began hesitantly.
“What's up, monkey?” Luke said softly.
“I'm sorry,” she sighed, her lower lip quivering.
“Come here,” Luke whispered, jerking his head to motion Grace over.
Grace walked over to Luke and sat on his lap. “I don't fit anymore,” she said sadly.
“Wanna bet?” Luke growled, wrapping his arms around Grace. “Fit just fine as far as I can tell,” he sighed as Grace leaned her head on his.
“I didn't want to hurt you,” she cried softly. “I really didn't.”
“Don't cry, baby girl,” Luke sighed. “You know I don't handle that well.”
“Sorry,” Grace sniffled, playing with Luke's sleeve.
“Please be careful,” Luke whispered. “Whatever you choose. Just be careful.”
“I will,” Grace nodded, wiping her cheeks.
“I”ll catch you,” Luke said, choking back the emotion in his voice. “Understand that? I'm always gonna be there to catch you, G.”
“I know,” Grace smiled tearfully. “I love you, Poppy.”
“I love you too, Gracie,” Luke sighed. “To the moon and back and to the moon again.”
“Bestest buddies?” Grace asked shakily, holding up her pinky.
“Bestest buddies, always,” Luke grinned, linking his pinky with Grace's.
Chapter 51: Never A Dull Moment
Luke stood at the counter, shuffling through receipts. He looked over to the left side of the diner, shaking his head. He was in the midst of a late afternoon lull. That rare hour that occasionally came along when nobody in Stars Hollow was hungry. Yet. A lull this all-encompassing only heralded a vicious dinner rush. And yet, the diner was crawling with people. His family, to be precise. Lorelai was holding court on this particular Saturday afternoon, Rory at her side, planning her and Jess's forthcoming wedding. For the moment, everyone was interested in the planning. Even the boys. That would change within minutes, but for the time being, the entire Danes clan was united in the singular desire to convince Rory and Jess to hold their nuptials smack dab in the middle of town. Well, everyone except for Emily. When she wasn't desperately trying to convince the gathered herd to bow to her desire to see Rory married in a cathedral in winter, she was trying to convince herself out loud that an empire waisted wedding dress couldn't possibly betray the already starting-to-get-obvious pregnancy bump Rory was displaying.
Lorelai thumbed through a magazine, furrowing her brow at the various dresses. “What kind of veil are we looking for?” she murmured.
“I wasn't really planning on wearing a veil,” Rory shrugged.
“Why not?” Lorelai asked.
“It's going to be simple,” Rory reminded Lorelai.
“Simple?” Emily frowned. “It's your wedding. It shouldn't be simple. You select simple clothing for the purpose of taking a walk, or going to a fast food restaurant. Simple doesn't apply to weddings.”
“Geez,” Jess sighed. “We don't want a big wedding. We just want to seal the deal. A few flowers to make Rory happy, friends, family, a little food. No big ordeal.”
“Oh, it doesn't matter what you think,” Emily snapped, waving her hand dismissively. “Your job is to say 'I do' at the appropriate time. The rest of the day is for Rory.”
“Well, hell, what am I doing here then?” Jess asked, rolling his eyes.
“Because you got my daughter pregnant,” Lorelai pointed out.
“Mom,” Rory sighed. “Be nice.”
“I'm only stating the obvious,” Lorelai grinned. “I just take pleasure in torturing the man. Paybacks are a bitch, aren't they Jess?”
“I'm in hell,” Jess moaned.
“So who's the maid of honor, Rory?” Sammie asked impatiently. “I'm really good at planning parties, you know.”
“Sam,” Rory smiled. “You know Mom is going to be my matron of honor.”
“But what about the MAID of honor?” Sammie pressed.
“Be my flower girl,” Rory begged.
“That's a kiddie job,” Sammie pouted.
“No it isn't, you still get to wear a pretty dress, and you still get to walk down the aisle, you just don't have to stand up for the entire ceremony,” Rory pointed out.
“Aw, geez,” Sammie sighed. “Fine, I'll do the stupid flower girl thing.”
“Mighty big of you to do so,” Jess smirked.
“You're not going to do the cute twin thing are you?” Drew moaned. “I'm so sick of the twin thing.”
“No, Drew, I won't make you wear a matching ring bearer dress,” Rory retorted, rolling her eyes. “How could there be a twin thing in any of this?”
“I don't know,” Drew shrugged. “Making us walk together?”
“You'll walk in alone,” Lorelai reassured Drew. “No twin-ness happening.”
“So why exactly am I here?” Xander asked, fidgeting miserably. “I'm not doing anything in the wedding.”
“You're a groomsman,” Emily reminded him. “You have a role, too.”
“Yeah, stand next to Dad,” Xander sighed. “Yippee.”
“And I stand next to Mom,” Grace chimed in. “See? It's already a big ordeal. So there needs to be a veil. Oh, and a really long train on your dress. Rory, wouldn't you just die to wear an old-fashioned dress? Like an Elizabethan dress. Or a...oh my god, you could totally do a 'Pride And Prejudice' style wedding. Jess could look so Mister Darcy with a little bit of work.”
“There's no way in hell that's happening,” Jess said emphatically. “I agreed to a suit. That's it. I'm not budging beyond that.”
“And I'm going to be seven months pregnant,” Rory laughed. “So I'm going to find a very pretty maternity dress to get married in.”
“That's an oxymoron,” Lorelai mumbled.
“I heard that,” Rory shot back. “I'm pregnant, not deaf.”
Lorelai stuck her tongue out at Rory. “So have we properly worn you down about getting married in the town square?”
“Why?” Emily asked impatiently. “Why would you want a wedding in front of a gazebo?”
“Well, everybody in town wants to go,” Sammie explained. “So it makes sense to just do it there.”
“Less things to decorate,” Drew nodded. “I'm not making bows. I swear, if anyone tries to make me make bows, I'm gonna move.”
“Oh, calm down,” Grace sighed. “All we would need are a few flower arrangements, if it is in the square.”
“Why don't we have it at the gym?” Xander laughed. “Then the guys could just shoot hoops on one side, and the girls can have their pansy party on the other side.”
“Not such a bad idea,” Jess grinned. “I'm for it.”
“Absolutely not,” Emily gasped.
Luke brought a pot of coffee over to the table, refilling the various cups scattered around the table. “So have you decided if you're just walking down the aisle alone?”
Rory smiled. “Well, my first choice to escort me down the aisle is already busy that day.”
Luke frowned. “You mean...Christopher...he's not coming?”
“Oh, he'll be here,” Rory shrugged. “But you're already pulling best man duties.”
Luke blushed. “Oh,” he smiled shyly. “I could quit. I don't like the groom that much, anyway.”
“Thanks,” Jess snarked.
“No,” Rory argued. “I want you up there with us. I love that you and Mom will be standing up for us. And I don't like to snub Dad, but...well, it doesn't feel right having him give me away, when he was never really around in the first place. Maybe that's mean, but when it takes you a month to respond to your daughter having to leave you a voicemail to announce her pregnancy because you never answer your cell, you don't get to have giving away privileges.”
“So, then who?” Luke asked, trying to divert the subject away from Christopher and his lackadaisical parenting.
Rory giggled. “Grandma.”
“What?” Emily asked, shocked.
“You're giving me away,” Rory shrugged. “At least, if you'd want to do that for me.” She played nervously with her coffee cup. “If things were the way they should be, I would have asked Grandpa,” she sighed sadly.
“Oh,” Emily said softly. “In that case, I'd be honored to fill in for him.”
“Good,” Rory smiled.
Grace grabbed a magazine. “So on to more pressing issues,” she said, breaking the sad silence. “Flowers. Need flowers.”
“I need to go,” Xander muttered, standing up. “I'm going to hit the batting cages for a while.”
“No chicken-winging it,” Luke instructed, walking back to the counter.
“Got it,” Xander grinned, ducking out through the diner door.
“Can I wear a purple dress?” Sammie asked, thumbing through a magazine. “I'm into purple right now.”
“We'll figure something out,” Rory sighed.
“Hey, Luke?” Lorelai called, twisting around in her seat.
“What?” Luke asked, pulling excess money out of the register and placing it into a leather deposit bag.
“Bring Bert home tonight,” Lorelai said. “We have a loose board on the back porch.”
Luke nodded as he walked around to the front of the counter. “I'll bring him. It. Whatever. I'm going to run to the bank while it's dead in here. Sam, if anyone comes in, wait on them, okay?”
“Woohoo!” Sammie exclaimed. “Bring on the customers. I need a new pair of shoes.”
Luke stared at Sammie wearily. “And your point is?”
“Two more good tips and I've got them,” Sammie explained.
“She wants Heelies,” Drew replied, rolling his eyes. “So mature.”
“Shut up, dork,” Sammie scowled, poking Drew with her elbow.
“Well, you're older,” Drew sighed. “You should act it.”
“She's eight minutes older,” Luke laughed, shaking his head. “I'll be back in a minute. Hold down the fort.”
Sammie jumped to her feet and grabbed an apron from under the counter. She leaned on the counter, drumming her fingers impatiently and staring expectantly at the diner door.
“Okay, so maybe we should go to the flower shop, see if we can get any ideas. Who's coming with?”
“I'm staying,” Drew sighed. “I gotta bus in a half hour.”
“And I have some stuff to do,” Jess said.
“Book store?” Rory grinned.
“Of course,” Jess smirked, standing up. “I have nothing to offer in terms of flower selection.”
“I have to hit Miss Patty's,” Grace said. “But I can go for a few minutes, then I have to split.”
“All right then, girls, let's go shopping,” Lorelai smiled. “Will you two be okay until your Dad gets back?”
“Got it covered,” Sammie nodded. “He'll be back in five minutes, tops.”
“Think we can handle the rush,” Drew sighed, sitting on a stool.
“Okay, well call if anything overwhelming comes up in the next five minutes, and I'll pick you two up in a couple of hours,” Lorelai replied. “Forward march, troops.” The family went their separate ways, leaving Sammie and Drew and Caesar, in the back, to mind the empty diner.
Lorelai returned to pick the twins up as planned, deciding to stop off at Doose's to stock up on some groceries with the twins, while Jess and Rory drove Emily home. The dinner rush never really happened, so Luke turned the diner over to Caesar and his part-time night help. He headed home, hoping to get to work on the that loose board Lorelai had mentioned.
Luke set Bert the toolbox on the porch and unlocked the kitchen door, entering the house. He laid his keys on the table and stretched tiredly. He winced at the pops that emanated from his spine as it protested against the sudden motion. Luke looked up, hearing a noise coming from the dim living room. He looked at his watch, squinting to see in the dusky light that filtered through the window. Grace must be home from her dance class already, he figured. Luke walked out by the desk, about to turn on the lamp when he froze. On the couch, Luke could barely make out two figures. He heard a soft moan, that unmistakable sound of a broken kiss, and the rustling of fabric. Luke took two more steps and felt his blood turn to ice. There, on the couch he could barely see the last thing he ever thought he'd actually have to walk in on. Luke could make out the silhouette of a boy, pants around his ankles, his body hovering between bare legs. Framed by a skirt. A cheerleading skirt. He could hear whispers and heavy breathing, see roaming hands, comprehend the fact that there was definitely nothing good happening here. Luke swallowed hard. Dave. Pawing his daughter. On his couch. 'That son of a...' was the only phrase that came to Luke's mind.
“Grace!” Luke roared furiously, stumbling back to the desk and switching on the lamp. Luke kept himself turned toward the kitchen.
“Christ,” a male voice muttered in the darkness. “Sorry about this.” Luke could hear the pair scrambling for their clothing.
“You have ten seconds to get decent,” he bellowed, clenching his fists tightly.
“Oh my god.” Luke could barely hear the panicked whispers. “Oh my god, this sucks.”
“Is everything covered?” Luke growled.
“Yesss,” the boy hissed.
Luke spun around. “You little bastard,” he raged, stomping into the living room. “You have the nerve to come into my house and...” Luke cut himself off as he saw a girl with strawberry blonde hair desperately trying to get her shoelace tied with trembling hands, and Xander hopping madly about, trying to get his pants pulled up and zipped over his boxers.
“Sorry, Sir,” the girl wailed, grabbing her book bag and running out of the house. Luke watched her retreat, his mouth agape. He returned his stunned gaze to Xander, who was pulling his t shirt over his head.
“What in the holy hell did I just walk in on?” Luke gasped.
“Nothing,” Xander muttered, running his hands through his hair.
“Nothing?” Luke parroted. “Nothing? That was a whole hell of a lot of nothing that I just saw, kid.”
Xander stared at Luke's shoes, his cheeks tinged a blotchy red with embarrassment.
Luke blinked, and opened his mouth to speak. No words came out. He closed his mouth again, waiting for something, anything to pop into his mind. He almost had a coherent thought formulated, at least until his eyes fell on the still wrapped condom laying on the floor.
“Go to your room,” Luke rasped.
“It's no big deal, Dad,” Xander sighed, bending over and scooping up the condom. “We've been seeing each other for a while.”
“No big deal,” Luke laughed dryly. “You need to go,” he growled, shaking his head.
“Come on, Dad,” Xander said angrily.
“Go!” Luke roared. “I swear to God, if you want to live to see the sun rise tomorrow, you will get out of my sight and let me calm down, because we can do this right now, if you want to, but I promise you, boy, you will not like the outcome.”
“Damn it,” Xander hissed, grabbing his discarded flannel shirt. He stopped in front of Luke, staring him down. “Perfectly fine for Grace to get some action, but I can't?” he snapped.
Luke folded his arms and leaned closer to Xander. “I don't recall giving Grace permission to do anything. We gave her information. The same information you've gotten. We demanded responsibility. We demanded that they look at the consequences of their actions,” Luke said sharply. “And in case you haven't noticed, at the very least, your sister has been honest. She's been forthcoming. It may not be information I want to hear, but at least she had the maturity and the cajones to face the firing squad. And she is still a card carrying member of the organization of people not having sex, in general at all, but more specifically on my couch with someone who has never even been brought home to meet the parents.”
“Aw, geez,” Xander sighed. “You interrupted it before anything could happen, Dad, criminy.”
Luke stared at Xander. “Gee, I feel better. I prevented you from desecrating my couch. I'll sleep much better tonight now, thanks.”
“It's the little things in life,” Xander snarked.
“Who the hell was that?” Luke asked loudly.
“Katie,” Xander shrugged.
“Who the hell is Katie?” Luke pressed.
“I guess she's my girlfriend,” Xander sighed.
“You guess?” Luke asked, his voice echoing through the empty house. “You guess? Let me clue you in on something here, son, you need to figure that out before dropping your drawers, okay?”
“We were just messing around,” Xander argued. “I don't even know if anything was going to happen at all, we were just...you know...we got into it more than we thought we would.”
“You don't do that to a girl,” Luke said sharply. “I thought that I'd pounded that into your head by now. You don't treat a girl like that.”
“What?” Xander asked. “What did I do that you never did in your life?”
“You do not disrespect someone like that,” Luke continued angrily. “You do not put her into the position of having to scramble for her clothes in front of her boyfriend's father. You don't set her up to be embarrassed like that. You don't feel her up on your parents' couch and then get defensive about me not liking the fact that I walked in on you rounding third base and getting ready to slide into home, you got that, kid?”
“Fine,” Xander seethed. “I get it, I'm sorry, okay? I won't mess up your stupid couch.”
“How long have you been sleeping with her?” Luke asked tersely.
“I haven't been,” Xander yelled.
“How long?” Luke bellowed.
“We haven't,” Xander insisted. “This is...geez, this is as far as it's gone, okay?”
“Who before her then?” Luke pushed. “Damn it kid, you'd better start coming up with some answers here.”
“Nobody,” Xander moaned, rubbing his forehead. “I swear. Virgin alert up and running, okay?”
Luke sighed and walked past Xander. “I need to sit down,” he muttered, dropping onto the couch and eying the cushion beside him warily. “I'm getting too old for this.”
Xander sat down in the chair closest to the stairs. “We just got carried away with it,” he said.
“Then why the hell are you packing heat?” Luke asked.
“Geez, Dad,” Xander laughed nervously. “Every guy in school has a condom in his wallet.”
Luke stared at Xander. “Okay, I'll grant you that one,” Luke conceded grudgingly. “I remember the practice well.”
“So now what?” Xander sighed.
“What do you mean?” Luke asked wearily.
“Am I grounded? Am I forbidden to see Katie anymore? Am I working every Saturday night at the diner for the next six months? What?” Xander asked.
“You're too young for this,” Luke moaned. “Why can't you guys get this? It's too damn soon. Stop trying so hard to cause yourselves grief. You have a lifetime of it waiting for you, trust me.”
“Dad,” Xander groaned.
“I don't know what, right at this moment,” Luke sighed. “I don't know. I have to talk to your mother. Obviously there's going to be some serious talking between the three of us. For now, you're in. You need to go work on your homework or something. It's going to be a long night, get it done now.”
“Fine,” Xander muttered, standing up. “I'm sorry, okay?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “Now get the hell out of here, before I have a stroke or something.”
Luke buried his face in his hands after Xander went to his room. He sat quietly for a long time, allowing himself to process the latest turn of events. He only looked up when he heard the front door opening.
“Hi Dad,” Drew mumbled around the straw he was slurping his milkshake through. “You look rough.”
“I feel rough,” Luke retorted. “Do I need to have a talk with you, too?”
Drew frowned at Luke, still sucking on his straw. “Depends. What did I do?”
“Do you like girls?” Luke asked, a hint of accusation in his voice.
“Girls are morons,” Drew stated matter-of-factly.
“You keep thinking that,” Luke nodded approvingly. “Get cracking on your homework.”
“Oookay,” Drew shrugged, and dragged his backpack upstairs as Sammie and Lorelai walked in.
“Hey, Babe,” Lorelai smiled.
Luke glared at Sammie. “You, too,” he said sternly.
“Me, too what?” Sammie asked in confusion.
“Boys are morons,” Luke explained.
“Well, duh,” Sammie sighed, rolling her eyes. “So what's new about that?”
“Stay away from them,” Luke grunted.
“Roger that,” Sammie nodded and headed for the stairs.
“What's that all about?” Lorelai frowned, sitting next to Luke.
“Let me update you on our truly frightening children,” Luke sighed. “You may want to sit somewhere else for this.”
“Why?” Lorelai asked, laughing.
“Trust me,” Luke assured her. “You're not going to like where you're sitting in a minute.”
Chapter 52: Just A Gigolo
“What in the holy heck did you do?” Grace hissed, poking her head into Xander's bedroom.
“Why?” Xander grumbled, tossing a dirty sock at Grace and throwing his pillow over his head as he lay sprawled on his bed.
Grace shut the door quietly behind her and walked over to Xander's bed, sitting down on the foot of it. “Because Dad has the brain vein popping out,” Grace explained. “And he kept calling you a gigolo.”
“A gigolo?” Xander snorted from under the pillow. “Geez.”
“Come on, what happened?” Grace asked, curiosity getting the best of her. She shook Xander's leg. “Tell me, tell me, tell me.”
Xander pulled the pillow off of his face and crammed it behind his head. “Dad busted me and Katie messing around on the couch,” he groaned.
“Katie who?” Grace frowned. “Oh. Ew. Not cheerleading Katie?”
“Great, she's gross to you?” Xander asked. “Thanks for the rave reviews about my girlfriend.”
“I'm grossed out by the fact that you were feeling up someone on my squad,” Grace clarified. “She's your girlfriend? How did that get past me?”
“Because I'm sneaky like that,” Xander grinned. “And it's none of your stinking business.”
Xander and Grace looked up as Luke's agitated voice drifting under the door from the area of the living room. Grace cringed as Lorelai's muffled voice rose to meet Luke's. “Geez, they're both in full tilt rant mode,” she noted cheerfully. “And it's not about me for a change. Yay for me, but you're totally dead meat,” she grinned.
“Yeah, so what the hell is your deal, anyway?” Xander asked angrily. “Why is it you get a boyfriend, and they fling a pack of birth control pills at you, but I get a girlfriend, and all hell breaks loose?”
“Because I'm not dumb, like you, dummy,” Grace shot back. “I didn't get busted rolling around with Dave on the couch. And how the heck did you even find out about that?”
“You're the one who staked out all the good eavesdropping stations,” Xander shrugged. “Figure it out.”
“Nosy,” Grace grouched. “Well, just for the record, the only preventing those pills are doing is related to my complexion,” she added sulkily.
“Yeah, right,” Xander snickered, shoving Grace in the arm with his foot.
“I'm not doing anything with Dave,” Grace frowned, smacking at Xander's foot. “Seriously, okay?”
“Well, why not?” Xander asked, exasperated. “You've got the golden ticket.”
“I don't know,” Grace shrugged. “I don't think it's right yet. Too much on my plate. I'd probably have a mental breakdown if I added anything else to the heap right now.”
“You're such a goody-goody,” Xander moaned, kicking at Grace again. “You just love making the rest of us look bad.”
Grace grabbed Xander's foot and twisted it. “Not a goody-goody,” she muttered as Xander flopped onto his stomach, rolling with Grace's defensive maneuver to alleviate the pain.
“Ow,” he growled. “Quit it already.”
“Quit kicking then, dummy,” Grace scowled, releasing his foot. “So, have you?”
“Have I what?” Xander asked.
“You know,” Grace sighed. “It.”
Xander narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Yeah, like I'd tell you anything. Blabbermouth.”
“I'm not going to rat you out, either way. I promise,” Grace pleaded. She sighed as Xander cocked an eyebrow at her warily. “I won't,” she swore, raising her hand to her mouth. “Spit swear, okay?”
“This was disgusting even when I was five,” Xander muttered, spitting lightly into his palm and taking Grace's hand into his own. “Spit swear,” he relented as they shook hands.
“Blegh,” Grace shuddered, contorting her face as she wiped her hand on her jeans. “Okay, now that the grossness has been taken care of, spill. Have you?”
“Not yet,” Xander answered honestly. “Close but no cigar. And you seriously haven't either?”
“Nope,” Grace replied. “You shouldn't either, though,” she sighed, flopping back onto Xander's bed, her legs dangling over the edge.
“Why not?” Xander scowled.
“Hey, you got the same speech that I got,” Grace reminded him. “It's a big hassle, when you think about it. Do you even love Katie?”
“I don't know,” Xander replied, repositioning himself onto his side to face Grace. “We haven't been dating that long. I like her, but I don't...you know, love her yet.”
Grace laughed. “Man, you always did do things back asswards. You should at least love the person before you think about doing it with them.”
“I think it's really dumb that we keep calling it 'it',” Xander chortled. “And you're just a big sap.”
“Maybe I am a sap,” Grace shrugged. “Not such a bad thing, is it? And maybe Pop has a point. If we can't say it, we shouldn't be doing it.”
“Sex,” Xander said, trying not to crack a smile.
“Sex,” Grace parroted, her face turning a bright red. “Oh my god, I so can't say it out loud,” she gasped, giggling and hiding her face.
Xander snorted, unable to contain his laughter. “You're an idiot.”
“You are, too,” Grace laughed. “You're all purple, Barney.”
“Shut up,” Xander moaned, ducking his head. “This conversation is really disturbing me.”
“Anyway,” Grace sighed, her laughter dying down. “So what's so bad about thinking you should love the person? At least I know Dave loves me. He puts up with a heck of a lot of crap because of me, and he's really patient. And understanding. And other sappy stuff. So, when it does happen, you know...someday...it'll be special. Important,” she explained. “I don't want to just get doinked on a couch. I'll betcha Katie doesn't want to either.”
“Real poetic,” Xander laughed. “Get doinked.”
“I'm serious,” Grace frowned. “Take it from one of the girls who have to survive the halls of Stars Hollow High. It's a real pain to have all the guys staring at your chest, or your skirt, or trying to “bump into you”,” Grace continued, using air quotes. “Guys like that are a dime a dozen. They're all roaming around, just trying to get some touch. It's annoying, it's creepy, and it sucks having to figure out which guy really likes you, and which guy just wants to get some. Don't be one of those guys. They're...not nice,” Grace said glumly.
“I'm nice,” Xander argued.
“Just don't be a player,” Grace scolded. “You have a good enough rep, you don't need to be like that. You don't have to act like a scumbag because the others are acting like it. Dave isn't scuzzy, and he still has cred,” Grace pointed out.
“Geez, my sister the peer pressure police,” Xander groaned. “Dave may not be a scumbag, but he's the most frustrated guy in school. He practically vibrates, he's so pent up.”
“Oh, shut up,” Grace sighed, flicking Xander in the forehead. “I swear, you're such a dork. I'm in no rush, though. You don't need to be in any rush either.”
“I will take your words to heart,” Xander said solemnly. “Because you're my sister. And I love you. And I know you only want the best for me.” Xander stared at Grace seriously.
Grace stared back at Xander. “I only want my brother to be happy. I want...oh hell, I can't keep a straight face,” she giggled. “You're a moron. Do whatever you want.”
“You believed me for a second, didn't you?” Xander asked. “I love you, Gracie, you're my best friend in the whole world. Let's skip. And play hopscotch. And make daisy chains, and braid each other's hair, and tell secrets, and have tea parties.”
“Trust me, if I ever believed that crud, they'd need to take me in for medical testing,” Grace snorted. “Those words couldn't possibly come out of your mouth without something smart alecky behind them.”
The bedroom door opened. Grace and Xander looked up to see Luke hovering in the doorway, arms folded over his chest, and glowering at the pair.
“Skedaddle,” Luke grunted at Grace, pumping his thumb back over his shoulder. “He's in solitary. No visitors allowed.
“Hope you have an emergency cyanide pill,”Grace whispered gleefully. “You're going to need it.” She slunk past Luke and turned around, raising a fist into the air. “Attica!” she squealed, fleeing as Luke spun around and swatted wildly at her retreating form.
“See?” Luke grumbled, walking into the bedroom. “Girls are morons. Too much work.”
“Time for round two?” Xander asked miserably, sitting up on the edge of the bed.
“Almost,” Luke nodded. “Your mother is refueling with some coffee. Brace yourself.”
“I really am sorry,” Xander sighed. “I didn't mean for it to go that far, honest.”
Luke exhaled slowly, sitting down next to Xander. “It has been pointed out to me that I need to approach this...situation...a little more delicately than I've been doing,” Luke muttered.
“A little less yelling might be good,” Xander shrugged.
Luke sighed. “I'm not holding you to a different set of standards than I hold Grace to,” he began. “I'm sure you think we babied her, or caved with her. We didn't. Her relationship is a very serious concern for us, and this thing that happened tonight, is just as...concerning for us.”
“I know,” Xander mumbled.
“Maybe I'm too hard on you,” Luke said softly. “Am I? Do I push you too hard?”
“I don't think so,” Xander frowned. “What do you mean?”
Luke shrugged. “It's just...you know...I guess I fall back on how my Dad acted around me, you know, barking out orders, growling about stuff, being a grump. But I knew he really wasn't that way, he just was...a guy. Guys just don't know how to be anything else around other guys. And I never act the right way around the girls. And I know you think Grace has some kind of inside line that you don't have. But it's not true. You've got an inside line all of your own.”
“What's that?” Xander asked suspiciously.
“You're my son,” Luke replied. “You're my first boy. I didn't get to have that sense of starting a family with April. I missed out. In a big way. I love her, and I know she loves me, but we're never going to have that total 'thing' you get with the kids you raise from birth. There's always going to be this...I don't know...divide, maybe, between us. Grace was the first baby. That's a hell of a thing. I looked at her that first time, and I thought, 'Jesus, look what I missed.' And that made me cling to the kid. I admit that. But you,” Luke grinned. “Christ, you're my first son. And that's a huge thing to me. Maybe I don't show it well, but hell, kid, you've got quite the power position just because of that.”
“Cool,” Xander grinned. “Does that mean I'm not grounded?”
“No,” Luke scoffed. “That means you are in deep dog doo-doo because I hold you in such high regard.”
Lorelai stomped into the bedroom, pointing her finger at Xander. “You are so going on the pill,” she said tersely.
“Uh, I don't think I can,” Xander cringed.
Lorelai narrowed her eyes at Xander. “My couch? My couch? You were...and then...on my couch?” she choked out.
“We covered that already,” Luke said softly. “In the first volley, remember?”
“Oh, we're going to cover it again,” Lorelai spat. “Why would you do that? Why would you treat that...the...the sex thing...so cavalierly?”
“I wasn't,” Xander sighed. “I can't say that anymore. It's old news.”
“You owe that girl an apology,” Lorelai whispered. “She must feel so humiliated.”
“Probably,” Xander agreed remorsefully. “Can I at least call her tonight? Apologize?”
“Ten minutes,” Lorelai scowled, leaning against the wall with her arms folded over her chest. “It's too soon, kid. Too soon for you to go down this path.”
“I know,” Xander nodded sorrowfully. “I'm not going to do it again.”
Luke looked at Xander. “Give us something more realistic to work with.”
Xander groaned and ran his fingers through his hair. “It was too much.”
“Yeah?” Lorelai asked warily.
“I don't love her,” Xander shrugged. “At least, I don't know what I feel right now.”
“Okay,” Luke nodded. “And what does that leave you with?”
“I guess I should know that before I think about doing anything...like that,” Xander murmured. “I kinda pressured her, I didn't mean to, but I think I did. That's not really cool.”
“You'd better believe that isn't cool,” Lorelai scolded. “You treat your girlfriend with respect. You respect her wishes, you respect her comfort zone, you respect her needs, and you listen to her. You don't put your overactive hormones over what she's ready for.”
“I know,” Xander moaned. “God, I'm such an idiot.”
“No,” Luke sighed. “You're just a teenager. Welcome to hell.”
“Think about it, Xan,” Lorelai pressed. “What did she want tonight?”
“I don't know,” Xander replied softly.
“But you know what you wanted,” Lorelai continued.
“Yeah,” Xander nodded. “More than just a little aware of that.”
“Never put her into that position again. Ever,” Lorelai said firmly. “You have no right to do that.”
“This isn't the kind of thing you make a snap decision over,” Luke lectured. “It needs to be talked about, thought out, you need to think about how your actions affect everyone else.”
“Especially your mother,” Lorelai snarked. “Think about your poor mother when you're thinking about taking this kind of step.”
“That's a little creepy,” Xander frowned.
“Good,” Lorelai nodded. “Creepy is good. Kills the mood.”
Luke sighed and shook his head. “Okay, I think we've had enough excitement for one evening. You go call your girl and tell her what she deserves to hear. Then get to bed, got it?”
“Okay,” Xander said. “I'm sorry.”
“Ten minutes,” Lorelai scowled. “And make sure she's aware of the fact that you are grounded until you're thirty.”
“Give or take a few weeks,” Luke laughed dryly, pushing Lorelai toward the door. “We will talk more about this, kid.”
“I know,” Xander sighed as he slumped to the living room and grabbed the phone.
“Grovel,” Lorelai added, pointing her finger at Xander as Luke guided her toward the stairs.
“Bed time,” Luke said pointedly to Lorelai. “Night, kid.”
“Night,” Xander replied.
“Don't think you're out of the woods yet, kid,” Lorelai shot over her shoulder as she climbed the stairs at Luke's urging.
“Go,” Luke hissed, pushing Lorelai up the stairs.
“Stop it,” she muttered as they made their way to the bedroom.
“You stop,” Luke growled. “You're lecturing him in circles now.”
“He should be lectured in circles,” Lorelai pouted, opening her dresser drawer and pulling out her pajamas. “And he should be lectured daily. He shouldn't be doing this. He's too young.”
“Look at you,” Luke grinned as he sat down on the bed and toed his shoes off. “You were all logical and rational when it was Grace, but now that your boy is going down the same path, you're hysterical.”
“He's too young,” Lorelai retorted stubbornly.
“They both are,” Luke sighed. “But they may actually listen. Grace seems to have taken our talks to heart, thank god. Maybe he will too.”
“Lightning never strikes twice,” Lorelai sighed, pulling her pajamas bottoms on. “When did we get a houseful of raging hormones?”
Luke groaned and sank onto his back, arms spread open. “The real question is when did our kids start getting more action than we do?”
Lorelai laughed. “Oh, knock it off. You get lucky at least once a week. Ask around. I'm sure you're the only Stars Hollow resident in our age bracket getting as much nookie as you get.”
“Remind me,” Luke grinned at Lorelai.
“I don't know if I could get into it ten minutes after I've forbidden my teenage son from doing it,” Lorelai giggled.
“What son?” Luke asked. “I don't know what you're talking about. You should just come over here and make your grumpy old husband a little less grumpy.”
“Dirty old man,” Lorelai smiled, flopping next to Luke.
“Dirty old lady,” Luke shot back, rolling onto his side and pulling Lorelai closer. “Dirty old lady with a killer pair of...”
“Luke,” Lorelai giggled. “I swear, if you say 'boobies' I'm going to divorce you.”
“Boobies,” Luke whispered, rolling on top of Lorelai. “Boobies. And did I mention boobies?”
“We're so mature,” Lorelai laughed as Luke nibbled at her neck. “Are you going to touch my badonkadonk after you touch my boobies?”
Luke chuckled softly against Lorelai's neck. “There are many things I want to touch,” he rasped, teasing her throat with the tip of his tongue. “Which should I start with?”
Lorelai wrapped her arms around Luke's shoulders. “Oh, you can start anywhere you'd like,” she sighed softly. “How about some sugar, sweet thang?”
Luke raised his head and covered Lorelai's mouth with his own. “I'll give you some sugar,” he growled as he drew her lower lip into his mouth. Lorelai moaned softly as Luke deepened the kiss, his tongue seductively teasing her own.
“Geez,” she whispered as they broke for air. “You still really know how to curl my toes, you know that?”
“I have skills,” Luke grinned. “Want a refresher course on...”
The bedroom door swung open as Drew stomped into the room. “Mom, I need to get a....aw, geez!” he yelped, stumbling backwards and covering his eyes with his hand. “Not again!”
Luke burst out laughing as he rolled onto his back and Lorelai sat up, adjusting her rumpled pajama top. “You really need to learn how to knock,” she hissed at Drew. “One of these days you're really gonna regret it.”
“Trust me, I regret it,” Drew moaned, keeping his eyes covered. “I need you to look at my science project. I need something.”
“What?” Luke groaned as Lorelai stood up. “You're supposed to be in bed.”
“Just come on, Mom,” Drew sighed. “I'm missing something. Stop being gross and help me, please?”
Lorelai swatted Drew playfully. “You can uncover your eyes, you goof. You know, most parents fight. Some day you're going to appreciate the fact that your parents actually like each other.”
“I doubt it,” Drew shuddered, walking out of the bedroom. “I think I need a shrink.”
“Bye,” Luke said sadly.
“Duty calls,” Lorelai frowned. “Hold that thought, okay?” she pleaded as she followed Drew down the hall.
Luke threw his pillow over his face. “We so need a vacation,” he sighed to himself.
Chapter 53: Like Father, Like Daughter
“Why is Xan always on the bench?” Sammie asked, trying to alleviate her boredom by sticking her foot in Drew's face.
“Because he sucks,” Drew cackled, punching Sammie in the ball of her foot.
“Ow,” Sammie pouted, rubbing her foot before shoving it back into her shoe.
“He doesn't suck,” Dave sighed, lounging back on the risers. “He's just saving the mojo for the pitching mound.”
“Then why does he even bother with basketball?” Sam asked in exasperation. “I don't know anybody else on the team. This is worthless if he's just sitting on his butt.”
“Didn't know you were so big into Xander's sports career,” Dave snorted. “Guess he's just padding the resume.”
“She doesn't give a rat's patootie about seeing Xander play,” Drew groaned. “She just figured out that if she attacks Dad with Xan stats first, she can weasel a good diner shift out of him.”
“Why do you want to weasel shifts at the diner?” Dave asked. “Nobody else ever wants to work. Mr. D. usually has to drag Grace kicking and screaming all the way to work.”
“Tips, duh,” Sammie replied, rolling her eyes. “My allowance doesn't hack it. Need more money. And Dad keeps moaning about child labor laws and only lets me work once a week.”
“It is all about the benjamins,” Dave agreed, nodding at Grace as she took the floor with the cheerleading squad for their halftime rally.
“Sam's trying to suck up to the raa-raa girls, too,” Drew murmured. “She wants to be an airhead when she gets to high school.”
“I hope they put the jumps in tonight,” Sammie said, settling back to watch the girls on the court.
“No way,” Dave laughed. “Nobody can do them right yet. They'll break somebody's neck.”
“Grace said they were gonna try something,” Drew pointed out.
“Nah,” Dave argued. “They're not ready yet.”
“Don't tell them that,” Sammie giggled, pointing as the squad moved into their formations.
“No way,” Dave groaned as two groups of girls each pushed a cheerleader over their heads and launched her into the air. He grimaced as the girls fell into the arms of the girls below without incident.
“Cool,” Sammie grinned, enraptured by the complex routine the girls were executing.
“At least they have to have paramedics at all the games,” Drew laughed, watching Dave contort nervously with each complicated maneuver the girls pulled off.
“Shut up,” Dave muttered, flicking Drew in the ear. Dave sat up straight as the girls moved into another formation, and Grace and two other girls were hoisted up, balancing on one foot as they waved their pom poms over their heads. “Aw crap,” he gasped. “She isn't crazy enough to try that stupid...”
“Guess so,” Drew chortled as Grace was launched into the air, touching her fingers to her toes before falling back into the waiting arms of her spotters. The spectators cheered loudly, not noticing that the routine had come to a screeching halt.
Dave sprang to his feet. “Damn it,” he growled. “Did those morons drop somebody?”
“I don't know,” Sammie murmured, standing up. One of the cheerleaders motioned for the coach, and both team coaches trotted out to the floor. Dave sprinted out onto the floor behind them, pushing through the group of cheerleaders.
“Crap,” he moaned, dropping to his knees next to Grace, who was laying on her back, staring up at the ceiling with a stunned expression on her face. “You okay, Gracie?”
“Ow,” Grace whispered. “That didn't go according to plan at all.”
“Yeah,” Dave replied shakily. “You left a crater on the court.”
“Thanks,” Grace muttered, trying to sit up.
“No way, Blondie,” Dave said sharply, trying to hold Grace down. “Stay still.”
“Why?” Grace frowned.
“Because you totally bitched up your leg,” he sighed. “Are you in a lot of pain?”
“Uh, no,” Grace replied, her frown deepening as she pushed herself up on her elbows. She yelped loudly as she moved her left leg slightly. “Oh my god,” she gasped. “Okay, now it hurts.”
“Just stay still,” Dave admonished as the paramedic Drew referred to earlier pushed through the crowd and began to check Grace's injury.
Sammie and Xander wriggled through and stood behind Dave, gaping at Grace. “Oh man,” Xander whispered, staring at Grace's leg. “That's a pain that's gonna linger.”
“Aw, Gracie,” Sammie said sadly, squatting next to Dave. “Did you break your neck?”
“No, you doof,” Grace groaned. “I just twisted my ankle or something again.”
“Uh, no, you didn't,” Xander sighed, wincing as he glanced at Grace's swelling knee. “Is she gonna have to go to the hospital?” he asked the paramedic.
“Yeah,” the man replied, gently inspecting Grace. The minute he put his hand on Grace's knee, she screeched in pain. “I think she may have busted up her knee pretty good, here, she's going to need x-rays to see what kind of damage we've got.”
Grace started to cry. “Busted?” she wept. “How busted?”
“We'll find out, I guess,” Dave whispered, smoothing Grace's hair. “Guess we're getting an ambulance ride tonight.”
Xander spun around, facing the rubber-necking crowd. “Drew!” he called.
“What?” Drew yelped from somewhere in the mass of hovering gapers.
“Go get the parents, Grace boogered up her leg real good. I'll call as soon as I know which hospital she's going to,” Xander yelled.
“Okay!” Drew hollered, and ran to retrieve Luke.
ooo
“Okay, where is she?” Lorelai barked at Xander, stomping into the emergency room ahead of Luke and Drew.
“Getting the leg zapped,” Xander replied. “The nurse said they'll let us know when she either gets back down here, or if she has to stay.”
“How bad?” Luke frowned.
“Pretty bad,” Dave said nervously. “It's all swollen up and...it just looked really awful.”
“Damn kids,” Luke growled, pacing the floor. “Why in the hell do they let them pull stunts like that? Throwing themselves around on a freaking wooden basketball court. That makes sense. She could have broken her damn back. Or worse.”
Lorelai sat down in a chair. “She's going to have a fit over this, isn't she?” she sighed.
“Grace Danes, worst patient in all of modern history,” Luke agreed, sitting beside Lorelai.
“It looked really icky,” Sammie chimed in. “I'll bet she broke something.”
“Don't sound so torn up over it,” Dave frowned.
“I'm just saying,” Sammie sighed. “Didn't mean I thought it was a 'yippee' kind of thing.”
“Oh, it's so close to Rory and Jess's wedding,” Lorelai gasped. “She's going to be so upset if she's going to be on crutches for that.”
“I think she's going to be having more Julliard-inspired hissy fits at this point,” Luke sighed.
“She just got the audition set up, too,” Lorelai moaned. “Rotten, rotten luck. Poor Gracie.”
Luke scowled at the floor. “Glad to see the standard Danes family bad luck is still alive and kicking.”
“It probably isn't going to be so bad,” Lorelai replied, trying to sound convincing. “So she hurt her knee? A few weeks of healing, a few more weeks of getting back on track. It'll be okay.”
Luke looked at Lorelai warily. “I hope so,” he nodded. “I really do.”
“Family of Grace Danes?” a nurse with a clipboard called out.
Luke and Lorelai stood up. “We'll update you guys as soon as we find out the story,” Lorelai smiled. “Be good, Mike and Ike,” she warned the twins before following Luke and the nurse through the emergency room doors.
Luke and Lorelai were introduced to a specialist who detailed Grace's injuries. They were soon desperately trying to understand the jargon that was being hurled at them left and right. Luke stared at Lorelai as the specialist droned on about surgery. “He has to operate?” Luke hissed.
“Yes,” the doctor interjected. “Her injury to her knee is pretty catastrophic. She doesn't really know how she landed, but from what we can see, her knee absorbed most of the impact.”
“So you're giving her an artificial knee,” Luke sighed miserably.
“Oh boy,” Lorelai groaned. “But, how is this going to affect everything?”
“Everything?” the doctor queried. “She'll be able to live a normal life. The recovery time will be long, but ultimately, she will be able to walk, and do any low impact activity she enjoyed before the injury.”
“Low impact,” Luke repeated. “She's supposed to audition for Juilliard. She's a dancer. That's what she does. She dances. How far back is this operation going to set her?”
“I could tell she was a dancer,” the specialist smiled patiently.
“How?” Lorelai frowned. “Was she screaming about her dancing the entire time? Because I can really see that happening. The girl is not good with this kind of stuff.”
“Her toes,” the doctor shrugged. “Your daughter has feet that betray her interests. I'm quite the expert at spotting a dancer the minute they take off their shoes.”
“They are ugly feet,” Luke laughed dryly.
“Stop it,” Lorelai sighed. “So, how long until we get her dancing again?”
“Mr. And Mrs. Danes,” the doctor sighed. “She isn't going to Juilliard, not for dance. I suspect you would rather have the blunt truth presented to you both, rather than false hope. She will be able to waltz at her own wedding someday, but this injury is a career ender. This is a worst case scenario. That is just the simple truth. The surgery is necessary to repair the damage, but the end results are not capable of supporting the range of motion a dancer needs. The damage is just too severe. The end results only guarantee that she can walk on that knee. She will have a normal life, but not the life of a professional dancer.”
“Christ,” Luke groaned, rubbing his eyes. “Well, that's not going to sit well with her.”
“Does she know?” Lorelai asked quietly.
“She's a bright girl, I'm sure she's aware that surgery isn't good news,” the specialist replied. “I could explain the gravity of the situation to her, if you think that may be easier on her.”
“No,” Luke replied. “It should come from us, I guess. You set up the surgery, and we'll brace her for it.”
ooo
“Hey, kiddo,” Lorelai smiled as she and Luke walked into Grace's room. Grace lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling and nervously coiling and uncoiling a golden lock of hair around her finger. “G?” Lorelai said, waving her hand in front of Grace's face. “Earth to Gracie, come in Gracie,” she sighed.
“Hey,” Grace blinked, looking at Lorelai and Luke. “Sorry, zoned out. Pain medication. Good for that kind of thing.”
“How you feeling, monkey?” Luke frowned, trying not to look too closely at Grace's injured leg.
“Peachy,” Grace sighed. “So how soon until they give me the bionic knee?”
“Pretty durn quick,” Lorelai replied, planting a kiss on Grace's forehead. “We want to get you back on your feet as soon as we can.”
“Yeah, can't have a bridesmaid on wheels,” Grace smiled thinly.
“We'll work around it,” Lorelai said cheerfully. “Rory hasn't gone bridezilla on us, so I doubt she'll meltdown at cast potential.”
“Probably ought to tell the kids that she's going to lay down roots here for a while,” Luke interrupted. “Dave is probably going through Grace withdrawal.”
“Oh,” Lorelai nodded. “Can't let that happen. They may admit him, too, if he starts seizing. I'll go gather the troops for a quick hello before you settle in for the night.”
Luke waited until Lorelai left to retrieve the kids before he spoke. “So, monkey, what are you thinking?”
“Nothing,” Grace shrugged. “Just pretty much at the 'ow' stage still.”
“I'm sure,” Luke nodded. “That had to pack one hell of a wallop there.”
“You're telling me,” Grace grinned. “The 'thud' heard 'round the world.”
Luke smiled. “I know everybody says you're just like me, but damn, kid, you don't have to copy me, right down to dud legs.”
Grace giggled. “I figure I'm never going to get the unshaven look down, and baseball caps aren't really my thing. Might as well shoot for something more realistic. Now we can have matching canes.”
Luke raised an eyebrow at Grace. “Somehow, I see Hello Kitty walking aids in your future.”
“Maybe I can get Mom to dress up my walker,” Grace cackled. “Sparkles and feathers, and maybe some...”
“Gracie,” Luke sighed.
“What?” Grace frowned.
“You're a lousy actress,” Luke murmured, stroking Grace's hair.
“I don't know what you mean,” Grace replied snippily.
“You know where this leads,” Luke replied.
“Guess I'd better apply for the full time waitress position now,” Grace muttered. “You have any openings? Looks like I'm not going to be Miss Patty's crowning achievement after all.”
“I think you'll come up with a contingency plan that's a little better than waitressing for your old man,” Luke retorted.
“I don't know anything else,” Grace wailed, bursting into tears. “This was it. It was the only thing I wanted.”
“Hey,” Luke frowned, grabbing Grace's hand. “You're smart, you've got options. And a college fund, unlike me, when I was your age. You're not completely like me, you know. I only had one thing going for me when I was in this boat. My cleats were the only way I was going anywhere, and I bunged that up real good, didn't I? You aren't in that situation, not at all. You're just as much your mother's daughter as you are mine. And that woman is nothing if not resilient. There's hope for you yet, kid. We'll find a new road for you. You'll see.”
Grace wiped her cheeks and stared at Luke thoughtfully-. “Yeah,” she whispered. “New road. We can do that.”
Luke narrowed his eyes at Grace. “Already formulating a plan, aren't you?”
Grace smiled shakily. “Maybe. I'll let you know if it pans out.”
“That's my little overachiever,” Luke grinned, kissing Grace's hand as Lorelai and the rest of the group crowded into the room.
“We made a pit stop at the snack bar,” Lorelai smiled. “Want some contraband, Gracie-kins?”
“Got any Fritos?” Grace sighed. “I really need comfort carbs.”
Lorelai handed Grace a bag of Fritos as the kids swarmed around Grace, oohing and aahing over her injury.
Luke wandered over to Lorelai's side. “She's already pretty clear on the situation,” Luke sighed.
“How bad is she taking it?” Lorelai whispered.
“She's pretty miserable, but I think she'll survive,” Luke nodded. “Contingency plans are already being plotted.”
“It pays to be so Type A sometimes,” Lorelai smiled. “She'll find her way, right?”
“Yeah,” Luke agreed. “She's a smart kid. She'll figure this out.” Luke watched as Dave fretted over Grace, and the rest of the Danes children tried furiously to cheer their sister up. “She definitely has herself quite the support system,” Luke smiled.
Lorelai threw her arms around Luke's neck. “Thanks for giving me such nice babies,” she said softly. “They fight like cats and dogs, but when the chips are down, those kids know how to rally.”
“They're good kids,” Luke grinned, kissing Lorelai gently on the forehead. “Family takes care of family. At least we managed to beat that into their thick skulls.”
“Now if we could only beat some other things into those thick skulls,” Lorelai giggled, turning to face the kids.
“Like what?” Luke asked, wrapping his arms around Lorelai's waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.
Lorelai smiled. “Um, like cleaning their rooms, like not stuffing their dirty socks behind the couch cushions, learn to cook something more substantial than Hot Pockets. That kind of stuff.”
“Pipe dreams,” Luke grinned. “We can barely keep them on their feet. Just look at that poor kid. She's smart, but not so smart that she doesn't think that maybe getting hurled into the air by a bunch of goofball girls might not be such a great idea.”
“Everybody has their faults,” Lorelai nodded.
“She'll be okay, right?” Luke frowned. “She's not that much like me. She isn't going to get stuck in a rut for twenty years. Right?”
“You own your own business, you're married to the most beautiful woman in town, maybe even on the east coast, you have six awesome kids, and you're going to a grandfather soon. Or a great-uncle. We really have to figure that one out, once and for all. But that's beside the point. What I mean to say is, were you ever really in a rut?” Lorelai asked.
“Nah,” Luke grinned. “I spent half that rut just waiting for that hot lady to finally stop acting like a psychotic serial dater and figure out where she belonged.”
“She figured it out eventually,” Lorelai smiled. “It all worked out for the best.”
“Yep,” Luke agreed. “It really did.”
“Hey,” Lorelai gasped. “I just thought of something. You realize that Grace is going to be out of commission for quite a while now.”
“Yeah?” Luke frowned. “And your point?”
“My point is, no potential for Dave needing to die, if you know what I'm getting at,” Lorelai whispered.
“Hey,” Luke grinned. “You're right. There is a silver lining here after all. I'm glad I married such a 'glass half full' kind of woman.”
“Now you can focus more on keeping Xander off the couch,” Lorelai giggled.
Luke nodded. “Yep. Keeping Xander a virgin. That's my new vocation in life until Gracie gets mobile again.”
“Poor Xander,” Lorelai laughed.
Chapter 54: Wedding Bell Blues
Rory stood in front of the mirror, nervously playing with the delicate wreath of flowers sitting atop her head. “What do you think?” she muttered, standing sideways and frowning at her rounded belly. “Too 'shotgun wedding' looking?”
“You look gorgeous,” Lorelai smiled, hugging Rory tightly. “Can't believe this day is finally here.” The girls were crowded into Lorelai's office at the inn, using it as a makeshift changing room to accommodate the fact that Grace and stairs were not exactly friends at this point. The men were upstairs in an unoccupied room, preparing themselves for the wedding. Rory and Jess had decided on marrying on the lawn of the inn, and most of Stars Hollow had turned out for the event.
“Pretty,” Sammie smiled. “Only sort of fat looking.”
“Thanks a lot, you twerp,” Rory scowled.
“You look fine,” April murmured, playing with her bouquet. “You have that whole earth mother thing going on. Very retro.”
“It'll contrast nicely with my not exactly walking wounded look,” Grace complained, scowling at the wheelchair she was sitting in. Lorelai and Sammie had decided to add a festive touch to the wheelchair by threading daisy chains and ribbons through the spokes of the wheels. Grace was able to hobble around on crutches, but only at short intervals so far. Luke and Lorelai had both finally convinced Grace that the best way for her to get through the long day ahead was to stay in the wheelchair, avoiding any overexertion.
“Hey, you have transportation provided for the day, it's fine,” Lorelai sighed, fussing with Grace's hair. “I'm sure you'd rather avoid another surgery, right?” Lorelai frowned down at her daughter, feeling a wave of sympathy for the girl. Grace was doing her best not to dwell on her painful recovery, but in recent days, her patience had been wearing thin, and she was having difficulty keeping her own spirits up. Her inability to participate much with the wedding preparations only added to her foul mood.
“Hey, why not just go for it,” Grace fretted. “I mean, I enjoy missing out on all the big moments because of this stupid knee. Hey, who needs to go to their graduation, anyway? Overrated. I should just go home, pop a Vicodin, and sleep through the wedding. That way nobody has to worry about me running over their toes or anything like that.”
“Aw, Gracie,” Rory moaned, bending down to hug her younger sister. “I'm so sorry you got ripped off. You didn't get your cap and gown moment. It sucks. It really does. But if you scowl your way through my wedding pictures, I'm going to disown you, okay?”
Grace laughed out loud in surprise. “Yeah, you didn't turn into bridezilla at all. I'm sorry. I'm such a bitch lately. I'll behave I promise, just let me vent my rage and get it over with.”
“Vent away,” Rory grinned. “Then suck it up. I need all my bridesmaids to be peppy and bright. That way nobody's eyes linger too long on my massive gut.”
“You look pretty,” Grace sighed. “You really do. All glow and no water retention, I swear it.”
“Thanks,” Rory laughed. “Oh my god, I'm getting married,” she gasped happily. “I hope I don't go into labor in the middle of our vows. That would be awkward, to say the least.”
“But funny,” Sammie grinned. “You should fake a contraction, just to see if Jess is paying attention.”
“Mean,” Lorelai gasped. “But a tempting idea.”
“Where is Grandma?” Rory asked. “It's almost show time.”
Lorelai looked at Grace. “What?” Grace asked.
Lorelai shrugged. “Well, you two have been joined at the hip for the last couple of weeks, I figured you knew where she was.”
“Well, I don't,” Grace sighed.
“She was harassing the inn staff, last I checked,” April said. “Sookie had to chase her out of the kitchen twice.”
“Why are you two so buddy buddy lately?” Sammie asked.
“Just trying to figure out what I'm doing with, you know, life,” Grace shrugged. “Grammy doesn't pull any punches, so she's a help, okay?”
“Okay,” Sammie scowled. “Simple question. Geez.”
“Sorry,” Grace muttered. “I don't really try to go into head-biting mode. I'm just going to shut up now.”
“Thank god,” Sammie crowed.
Emily walked into the Lorelai's office. “I think we're about to start,” she smiled. “The boys are already taking their positions.”
“Oh boy,” Rory sighed nervously. “This is it then.”
Dave poked his head into the open door. “Hey, we're getting ready out here,” he confirmed. “You ready to get rolling, Gracie?”
“Guess so,” Grace scowled. “Game face on. I'm happy to be gimpy. Whee!” she laughed dryly.
“Cutest chick on wheels I ever saw,” Dave said shyly, ducking in for a quick kiss.
“Aw,” Rory smiled. “He's such a keeper, Gracie.”
“Yeah,” Grace smiled softly as Dave angled her through the door. “I'll keep him for a little while longer,” she added as they disappeared around the corner.
“He's a nice boy,” Emily nodded approvingly. “Very attentive, isn't he?”
“Yeah,” Lorelai grinned. “I think even Luke likes him now. Okay, everybody out. Except Rory. Shoo,” she smiled, pointing at the door. “I get a few minutes alone with my first born before she gets hitched.”
Lorelai waited for the girls to head to the foyer. She turned around and smiled shakily at Rory. “Ready?” she asked softly.
“Yes. No. I think so,” Rory grinned. “Are you?”
“I don't know,” Lorelai laughed, trying to fight the urge to tear up. “You're still my little girl, damn it. I never completely recovered from you setting out on your own. Now I have to watch my mother give you away. To Jess, no less. A little hard to get used to. Almost as hard as seeing you pregnant. My baby's pregnant. Oh my god,” Lorelai whispered.
“Oh, Mom,” Rory sighed as Lorelai wrapped her arms around her. “I love you.”
“Love you, too, Sweets,” Lorelai smiled, pulling back to wipe away a tear. “Now let's get you married off, already.”
Rory grabbed her bouquet and a small book of poetry. “Grandpa's,” she sighed. “Need Grandpa here today.”
“He is,” Lorelai nodded sadly. “He'll be right there beside you, I'm sure of it.”
Rory nodded, brushing away her own tears. “Okay, let's do this,” she said shakily as they made their way to the foyer.
Luke was standing near the doorway, waiting for the pair. “Hey,” he smiled at Rory. “Look at you. You're absolutely beautiful, know that?” Luke kissed Rory's cheek. “If he gets out of line, smack him upside the head. Or call me, I'll come kick his ass,” Luke scowled. “I mean it, just say the word, and I'll be on your doorstep with my baseball bat.”
“I appreciate it, Luke,” Rory giggled. “But I think I've got him well-trained this time around.”
“Good,” Luke grunted. He smiled shyly at Rory. “I love you, kid. I'd say break a leg, but there's been enough leg injuries in this family to last a lifetime.”
“I love you, too, Luke,” Rory grinned, hugging him close. “You're the best dad a girl could ask for,” she whispered into his ear. “ And a father that you never really had to be. Thank you for that. For everything. The birthday parties, the monogrammed towels, the unicorns, all of it. You were always there for me, just because. It always meant a lot to me to see you there all the time, when...well, you know...”she trailed off, not wanting to disparage Christopher.
Luke shrugged, blushing a little. “You were a great kid,” he smiled. “Kind of hard not to like you, you know. Now, if you had the jam hands thing happening, I may have reconsidered.”
“Oh shut up,” Rory laughed, swatting at Luke's arm.
“Congratulations,” Luke smiled, touching Rory's face gently. “And I meant what I said,” he scowled before joining Lorelai on the porch.
The soft strains of music floated toward the inn, signaling the party that the ceremony was underway. Samantha began to walk across the lawn between the rows of onlookers, primly spreading rose petals before her. Drew followed her, solemnly carrying the pillow on which rested the rings Rory and Jess were about to exchange. Following Drew was Dave, pushing Grace in her wheelchair. Grace waved forlornly at a stricken Miss Patty, who dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief, still obviously unsettled by Grace's sudden demise as a ballerina. T.J was next, escorting April down the aisle, as Liz and Doula were occupying the seats closest to Jess. Liz smiled up at her husband as he walked by her and their daughter, who had insisted she was filling the father of the groom role next to Liz. Lorelai and Luke were next, Lorelai beaming proudly at all their friends who had gathered for the event. Luke kept his eyes focused on the old chuppah that Rory insisted must be used for her wedding. He fought the sudden urge to reach out and slap Christopher on the back of his head as he and Lorelai walked past, thanking the gods above that Christopher was too far out of reach for Luke to be tempted. Christopher scowled and folded his arms across his chest as they passed. Luke snorted quietly, and bit his tongue as Lorelai murmured a reproachful scolding out of the corner of her mouth, even though she herself was fighting the urge to smirk. Luke kissed Lorelai's hand as they parted ways, Lorelai standing with their daughters, and Luke taking position next to a nervous looking Jess. Luke clapped Jess's shoulder encouragingly as the string quartet began the Wedding March. The guests turned to watch as Emily and Rory descended the porch stairs and walked toward the chuppah.
“Wow,” Jess whispered, smiling broadly as Rory drew near.
“Good answer,” Luke muttered, grinning.
Emily gave Rory a hug and touched the book of poetry Rory was holding before presenting her hand for Jess to take. She stepped back and smiled knowingly at Lorelai, who was already struggling to hold back her tears. Luke smiled at Lorelai as the minister began the ceremony.
“Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” the minister began.
“Her mother and I do,” Emily said softly, blowing Rory a kiss before sitting down.
Luke winked at Rory. “And me,” he mouthed. Rory grinned and winked back at Luke before turning her attention to the ceremony.
Lorelai listened to the minister's words as he intoned his first reading. Her gaze wandered to Luke, who beamed proudly at the couple. She smiled as she took in his appearance, loving how he still looked so handsome in his dark blue suit. His hair was a little thinner, a little grayer, but he was still the same old Luke. She loved how his crow's feet had deepened over the years, the most obvious sign of age on his face. And she loved how often she saw those crow's feet, his eyes always crinkling up with his frequent smiles. Considering how rarely Luke smiled before they had finally gotten together, it was a welcome flaw. God knew she had crow's feet of her own, not that she was complaining. She had long ago learned to welcome laugh lines, and other symptoms of a marriage full of happiness. She wore those lines proudly, and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. Lorelai could handle the gray hairs, the lines, the inevitable sagging that came with the passing years. She had a husband who still looked at her as though she was in the exact same shape as she was before she had borne him four children. As though she wasn't standing next to their, god, seventeen year old daughter. Lorelai looked at Rory wistfully, hoping that her eldest daughter was on the same kind of path Lorelai had traveled thus far with Luke. She wished with all her heart that Rory and Jess would find themselves in her position, nearly twenty years later, and finally fully aware of what it was like to love one man with every ounce of her being, and to know without doubt what it was like to be loved that completely in return. Lorelai vaguely remembered a time, oh so many years ago, when she wondered if unconditional love was even possible. Now, she couldn't possibly imagine a life without it. There was no way for her to adequately convey how much she wanted that kind of love for Rory, for all her children.
Lorelai snapped out of her thoughts as Rory turned to her, handing Lorelai her bouquet and the book of poetry. “I love you,” Lorelai whispered, welling up as Rory smiled back at her tearfully.
“I love you, too,” Rory said softly before turning back to face Jess for their exchange of vows.
“Fairy wings,” Lorelai suddenly thought as her tears spilled down her cheeks. “She should be wearing fairy wings.” Lorelai smiled at the nonsensical thought, and wiped away the tears.
As Rory and Jess began to recite their vows, Lorelai looked up to see Luke smiling at her. She grinned as she noticed Luke's eyes shining with tears of his own. “I still do,” she mouthed to Luke as Rory said her own 'I do'.
“I still do, too,” Luke mouthed back to Lorelai as Jess said his 'I do'. They both returned their attention to Rory and Jess as the minister pronounced them man and wife. Lorelai sighed shakily as Jess kissed Rory softly, his hand automatically reaching to caress her swollen midsection. She blinked as the gathered crowd began to applaud.
Suddenly, Rory's arms were around Lorelai. “I'm married,” Rory laughed in Lorelai's ear.
“You really are,” Lorelai gasped, squeezing Rory tightly before letting her go to join Jess.
Rory and Jess walked back up toward the inn, Rory raising her bouquet in the air triumphantly. Lorelai felt Luke link his arm in hers as he guided her toward the inn. “How are you holding up?” Luke grinned.
“I don't know,” Lorelai whispered. “But I'm happy for her.”
“Yeah,” Luke smiled. “Me, too.”
Later that evening at the reception, Luke lounged back in his chair, draping his arm around Lorelai. “Long day,” he sighed. “I'm ready for bed.”
“Me too,” Lorelai nodded, resting her chin in the palm of her hand. She glanced down at the end of the table, where Grace sat hunched forward in her wheelchair. Dave sat facing her, his arms wrapped around Grace. The pair swayed slightly. “Have they been sneaking into the hooch?” Lorelai frowned.
Luke followed Lorelai's gaze. “Hey,” Luke growled. “What exactly are you two doing down there?”
Grace turned around and scowled at Luke. “We're dancing, Pop,” she explained before laying her head back on Dave's shoulder.
“Oh,” Lorelai whispered, covering her smile with her hand and leaning back against Luke. “Now, even you have to admit, that's just plain cute.”
Luke chuckled softly. “The kid has some good tricks up his sleeve, I have to hand that to him.”
“The game was lost the minute Rory and Jess rigged it up so Grace caught the bouquet and Dave caught the garter,” Lorelai laughed. “Even though that was the most awkward attempt to put a garter on a leg that I've ever witnessed.”
“It's a new tradition,” Luke smiled. “Garters on ankles are the new thing.”
“I think we're stuck with Dave,” Lorelai said, patting Luke on the leg.
“I know,” Luke sighed. “Looks like he's going to be around for a while.”
“Is that so bad?” Lorelai asked.
Luke shrugged. “I guess the kid has proved his worth. He sticks by her no matter what. I have to respect that, I suppose.”
“Good man,” Lorelai laughed. “I'm going to go find more champagne. Want another beer?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “Gotta keep the buzz kicking.”
Grace wheeled herself over to Luke's side. “Hey, Pop,” she smiled.
“Where's your left lung?” Luke asked dryly.
“He's around,” Grace shrugged. “So, can I run something past you?”
“Okay,” Luke agreed, a little suspicious. “As long as the word 'elope' doesn't come out of your mouth.”
“No,” Grace retorted, rolling her eyes. “Remember that little conversation we had about finding a new road for me?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “I remember.”
“I think I found a road,” Grace replied. “Hear me out before you say I'm nuts?”
“Okay,” Luke sighed, bracing himself.
“I'm not going to college,” Grace cringed. “At least not in the Rory going to Yale sense.”
“Why not?” Luke frowned. “Grace...”
“I'm buying Miss Patty's,” Grace blurted out.
“With what?” Luke asked. “Your good looks? Your two hundred dollar savings account?”
“Well, I've been doing some wrangling,” Grace admitted. “Miss Patty and me, we've been talking about stuff.”
“Go on,” Luke said.
“She wants to retire in a couple years,” Grace explained. “So, she's going to hire me, once I get on my feet again. As an assistant instructor. And I'll work for her until she finally decides she wants to retire. Then she's going to hand me the keys to the place. She's even willing to draw up preliminary paperwork. Like a promissory kind of thing.”
Luke stared at Grace. “But, how are you going to do this?” he asked.
“Grammy is going to loan me the money,” Grace replied.
“Grace,” Luke sighed. “I don't like that you're asking her for money.”
“I know,” Grace shrugged. “But it's my thing, not yours, so technically, you have no say. I'll be an adult when the transaction happens,” she added, sticking her tongue out at Luke. “She offered me the money, said she'd just count it as part of my inheritance, but I won't do that. I will pay her a reasonable monthly payment. With interest.”
Luke shook his head in amazement. “You're serious about this?”
“As a heart attack,” Grace nodded.
“Can I propose a counter offer?” Luke sighed.
“Okay,” Grace frowned. “What?”
“Go to school. Part time at least. Take business classes. That way you have training. Get an associate's degree, and if something changes down the road, you can build off of that. It's a reasonable request while you're waiting for this to happen,” Luke pleaded.
Grace looked at Luke thoughtfully. “I kind of intended to do that anyway. I just meant that I want to focus on the studio. I'll still have the backup plan. But, Poppy, I can't think of anything else. There's nothing else I want. If I can't dance, I still have to be close to it, somehow,” she sighed.
“I know,” Luke nodded. “I get it.”
“So you're going to back me on this?” Grace grinned.
Luke shrugged. “I don't really have a choice, remember? But, okay, I think I can support it. It sounds like a practical idea. I need a more precise plan though, to give my official blessing. I want a Powerpoint presentation at the very least.”
“Oh yeah, I'll get right on that,” Grace snarked. “Oh, the Chicken Dance,” she squealed. “I can so do the Chicken Dance sitting down. Be right back.” Luke shook his head as Grace wheeled herself to the dance floor.
Lorelai returned with her champagne and handed Luke his beer. “You suddenly look more tired,” she laughed. “I guess Grace sprung the big plan on you.”
“You knew about this?” Luke growled.
“Since this morning, that's it, I swear,” Lorelai promised. “It sounds...feasible. She did her homework.”
Luke nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, I think she did,” he murmured.
“She's making plans,” Lorelai smiled. “That's all that matters to me.”
“Yeah,” Luke smiled, leaning forward to kiss Lorelai.
“So, good wedding?” Lorelai murmured against Luke's lips.
“Very good wedding,” Luke grinned. “Do we get our own little honeymoon tonight?”
“Oh, you'd better believe it,” Lorelai chuckled, wrapping her arms around Luke's neck. “Because you're so dapper, and clean-shaven, and frankly, I'm just all kinds of hot for you right now, Mister Danes.”
Luke arched an eyebrow at Lorelai. “We could start the honeymoon a little early,” he growled.
“How?” Lorelai gasped as Luke nibbled at her ear.
“We could sneak into a room upstairs,” Luke said in a husky voice. “I know the owner of this place. I'll bet we could score a key and at least a good half hour to ourselves.”
“I like how you think,” Lorelai grinned, standing up and grabbing Luke's hand. “Let's go before anybody catches on to our plan.”
Luke took a swig of his beer and followed Lorelai to the desk. “Right behind you,” he grinned.
“That's not the only position you'll be in,” Lorelai whispered seductively.
“Just the starting point,” Luke laughed as Lorelai grabbed a key and led him up the stairs.
Chapter 55: Goodbye Grovers Corners
Luke hurried around the diner, serving up plates full of Thanksgiving meals to the gathered townsfolk. It had been a while since Luke's Diner had been open for Thanksgiving, but Luke decided to give it a whirl this year, for the heck of it.
“Hey, Luke?” Kirk ventured warily. “My cranberry sauce is touching my mashed potatoes. Can you fix that?”
“Suck it up, Kirk,” Luke growled as he ran behind the counter to retrieve a pot of coffee. He glanced up as the bell over the door jingled, smiling as he saw it was Grace and Dave stopping in for their Thanksgiving dinner.
“It's about time you two got here,” Luke muttered, faking a scowl. “I've been saving a table for two hours now.”
“The food isn't cold yet, is it?” Dave asked as Luke led them to their table and filled up two coffee cups.
“Nah,” Luke said, shaking his head. “Still piping hot. I'll be right back with the chow.” He headed back to the kitchen, serving up three plates of food and carrying them back to the table Grace and Dave sat at. “Soup's on,” he muttered, sitting across from the pair.
“We should say grace,” Grace frowned as Luke began to dig in.
Luke set his fork down and folded his hands. “Rub a dub dub, thank god I never had to deal with smallpox,” he intoned solemnly. “Or Pilgrims.”
“Interesting,” Dave laughed.
“The more pleasant prayers are overdone,” Grace giggled. “Is everyone still gathering at Xander's tonight?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “Haven't heard any different, at least. I'm closing up shop in about an hour, and heading over then.”
“So, no Jamie?” Grace asked innocently.
“Jamie who?” Luke asked, stuffing his mouth with a forkful of mashed potatoes.
Grace glared at Luke. “Don't give me that,” she sighed.
Luke shrugged. “She's with her family. It's what people do on Thanksgiving.”
“Did you even invite her?” Dave asked, exasperated.
“She may swing by later,” Luke groaned. “Geez, guys, lay off. I'm a grown man, I don't need help with girl stuff.”
“Oh, just stop beating around the bush,” Grace scolded. “I want grandbabies. You're my only hope for this.”
Luke folded his arms across his chest and stared stubbornly at Grace, his blue eyes flashing. “Mom,” he warned. “Let it go.”
“Just tell her you like her,” Grace insisted. “What's the harm in that?”
Luke stared sullenly at Grace and slid down in his seat. Grace returned Luke's gaze, narrowing her eyes. “So much like your Grandpop,” she muttered, shaking her head and attacking her plate of food with her fork.
“Aw, hell, how am I like Grandpop now?” Luke chuckled.
“Stubborn,” Grace shot back. “Stubborn as a mule. A big, buttheaded, sulky, sullen, stubborn, cranky mule.”
“No wonder you two were so close,” Luke cracked. “Runs in the family, I guess.”
“Don't I know it,” Dave laughed. “Marry a Danes, get ready for the ulcer that's guaranteed to come.”
“Don't make me have to smack you,” Grace scowled at Dave, pointing her fork at her husband.
“Wouldn't want to scare the straights,” Luke nodded.
Grace faced Luke, still jabbing her fork in air to emphasize her point. “Talk to the girl,” she hissed. “Don't make me recount the legend of Luke and Lorelai Danes again.”
“Please don't,” Luke sighed. “I know it by heart.”
“Then pay attention,” Grace sniffed. “Don't wait eight years like some people we know. Learn from the past, or you're doomed to repeat it.”
“I hardly think it's the same thing,” Luke argued. “I've known her for a year. I just don't want to take the chance of screwing up a good friendship, that's all.”
“Yep, and suddenly, eight years from now, you'll be wondering what you've been waiting for,” Dave nodded. “Listen to your mother.”
“Oh my god,” Luke sighed. “New topic. Please?”
“Good turkey,” Dave murmured, chewing thoughtfully. “Almost as good as your Mom's spaghetti.”
Grace looked around the diner wistfully. “I'm glad you took over the place,” she sighed. “I was so worried it would close down. This town needs a Luke's.”
“And what's a Luke's without a Kirk?” Dave chuckled. “Or a Kirk Junior, at the very least.”
“It's like a time warp,” Grace laughed. “There is nothing that makes me feel more like I'm five years old all over again, than walking in here, and seeing you yelling at Kirk Junior so loudly that he practically cries.”
“Nobody deserves a Kirk,” Luke sighed. “I feel nothing but sympathy for Grandpop if he had to put up with even a fraction of what I have to deal with when it comes to that moron. I'm going to do a last call for coffee, you guys need anything while I'm up?”
“No thanks,” Grace smiled, sitting back to watch Luke work. “So much like Pop,” she sighed as Dave put his arm around her.
“Dead ringer,” Dave nodded. “Just as scary, too.”
“Stop it,” Grace laughed. “We definitely need to work on a way to get this Jamie issue resolved a little more quickly.”
“Stay out of it,” Dave warned. “You're going to piss that boy off if you meddle.”
“Not going to meddle,” Grace pouted. “Just find a way to give him the push he needs. That's the girl. I can tell. They just need a little push.”
“Let them figure it out on their own,” Dave sighed. “Things always work out the way they're supposed to, in the end.”
“Yeah,” Grace said softly. “I wish he could see this ridiculous family of ours now.”
“He was proud of you guys,” Dave smiled. “All of you. They both were. They got to see their family growing, got to see everybody find where they belonged. What more could you ask for?”
“One more day,” Grace sighed. “One more day with them would be nice.”
“They're here,” Dave replied, kissing Grace on the cheek. “Those two are in every nook and cranny of this town.”
“Yeah,” Grace laughed. “I remember once upon a time, Pop was convinced that Taylor Doose was going to take over the town. I wonder if he ever imagined that the day would come when Stars Hollow was literally overflowing with Danes family spawn.” She smiled at her son, her own Luke, the man who was her living, breathing reminder of her Poppy as she reflected on the family of which she had somehow become the figurative matriarch.
Emily had passed away a few years after Rory and Jess wed. Lorelai spent a week in bed after Emily's funeral, unable to wrap her mind around how devastated she was by her mother's loss. Luke finally called in reinforcements, and Rory and Jess brought their daughter, Victoria, in with both guns blazing, finally coaxing Lorelai out of her funk with her insistence that her Grammy take her on a fairy hunt through Stars Hollow. Lorelai caved in to her granddaughter's cajoling, and soon, she and the girl were sneaking through the town, both wearing tiaras and feather boas, and carrying a shoebox in case they caught anything.
Rory and Jess had given birth to another child after Victoria. They named that child Richard, and he was, as Luke had always secretly hoped, a mini version of Jess for a while. With every surly word that fell out of that boy's mouth, Jess learned to say a sincere “I'm sorry, Luke,” in his head. But eventually, the boy mellowed out, and managed to find an even keel in life. Victoria was a carbon copy of her mother, bookworm, listmaker, and Ivy League bound by the time she hit fifth grade. Rory had to offer a silent “I'm sorry, Grandpa,” when Victoria graduated from Harvard.
April married in her forties. She finally decided that maybe having a man in her life wasn't such a bad idea, but she never quite got the urge to have babies of her own. So she and her husband settled for a cocker spaniel, and settled down in Arizona, returning to Stars Hollow several times a year to catch up with the rest of the family.
Grace and Dave never got sick of one another, and Dave settled back in Stars Hollow after graduating from college. He commuted to his job in Hartford every day, and eventually worked his way into a consulting position in his later years so he could work from home. Grace took over Miss Patty's dance studio when she was twenty one, and quickly developed a reputation as a demanding instructor. But the girls loved her, and wherever Grace went, there was a girl sure to run up and hug her Miss Grace, while begging for the chance to be the lead snowflake in the Winter Spectacular. Grace married her Luke of her own when they were twenty five. Luke had even willingly walked her down the aisle, waltzed with her at the reception, and he wept without shame when Grace handed him his newborn grandson three years later in the hospital just minutes after Lucas Andrew McArdle was brought into the world.
Sammie decided to keep Luke's Diner alive and kicking after Luke had had enough of the burger flipping business. Taylor's Old Fashioned Ice Cream Shoppe morphed into a couple of short-lived shops after Taylor Doose had passed away, and when Sammie took over, she expanded Luke's into the next building, doubling the capacity, and doubling her tips. She married a man who came in every day just to order a cup of coffee to go. After two years, he finally admitted that he hated coffee and only came in to see her smile. Sammie had told him he sounded a little psycho for saying such a thing, but she agreed to go out with him, not willing to freely admit that her day didn't start until he came to the counter. They were married three years later, and pregnant with their son by the following Christmas.
Drew worked at the Dragonfly, taking it over when Lorelai retired. He had a knack for the business, and opened two more inns in the Hartford area. He married a girl from Groton, with Sammie standing in as his best man. They had twin girls and two boys, and bought a house three doors down from his twin sister and her family.
Xander went to Pepperdine on a full baseball scholarship, graduating with honors. He spent a few years in AAA baseball, and spent a few months on the Red Sox pitching roster as a closer before he developed shoulder problems. He never got the chance to be the star he hoped to be, but he had a Sox uniform, a rookie card, and he got to make eye contact with a deliriously proud, and slightly envious Luke from the pitching mound at Fenway a couple of times, so he bowed out gracefully with no regrets. He returned to Stars Hollow eventually, settling in as a History teacher at the high school and marrying the tenth grade English teacher. They had three children.
Lorelai was the first to go, and Luke never really recovered from her loss. He stayed close to the kids, and they all religiously kept him occupied with grandbabies and baseball outings, but the entire town knew that the moment Lorelai was laid to rest, Luke had received a fatal blow of his own. He followed Lorelai two years later, going to sleep one night and not waking up in the morning. Grace went to find him when he didn't show up for breakfast as scheduled. He was in bed, a peaceful expression on his face, Lorelai's wedding ring clutched in his hand. Grace figured she must have sobbed for an hour at his side before she could finally bring herself to let anyone know he was gone. The anniversary of that day would always be a bit of her own Dark Day. Not a day went by when something in that town didn't bring her to a stop, reminding her of her Poppy in some way. She couldn't ever imagine moving away, because she needed the everyday reminders of both her parents. They always felt close by, as long as she was in Stars Hollow.
The family had floundered a little after Luke was gone, but Grace stepped in and loudly demanded one thing of her siblings. “Family takes care of family.” That was the rule. She took it upon herself to redirect everybody back to their roots whenever somebody started to stray. Christmas in Stars Hollow was mandatory. Anybody who dared to make other plans suffered the wrath of their sister. Family reunions were a must, and her brothers and sisters knew that if a month went by that one of them weren't present for a dance recital, there would be hell to pay. They grumbled, they fought, but in the end, aside from Rory and April, nobody really could find a reason to leave Stars Hollow. And even Rory and April could never stay away for too long.
The kids had decided to put the Crap Shack up for sale about four months after Luke's passing, but Xander cracked, and got the family's blessing to move into the place with his own family. And there he raised his children, in the same “Would you please get your elbow out of my left nostril?” setting he grew up in.
Grace smiled at Dave, slowly breaking herself out her reverie. She loved this damn town, she thought. Nothing made her happier than knowing that her boy was the fourth generation of Danes men to grow up in this town. They were royalty, as far as the residents were concerned. She couldn't wait for the day that boy finally wised up about that Jamie, settled down, and got to work bringing on the fifth generation.
“You're getting sappy again, aren't you?” Dave murmured.
“Yes,” Grace sighed. “Just trying to sort out this goofy family in my head.”
“You ought to write a book,” Dave laughed. “You'd need at least four volumes to fill all the craziness in.”
“Not so crazy,” Grace pouted. “This is Thanksgiving. We're supposed to be counting our blessings.”
“Got plenty of those, too,” Dave agreed. “One hell of a gene pool you're swimming in there.”
“Yeah,” Grace nodded happily. “It is. Wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.”
“It suits you,” Dave smiled.
“What can I say?” Grace shrugged. “I'm my father's daughter. I may be in a rut, but what a rut it is.”
FIN
“Oh, what is this place?” Grace asked, bouncing in her seat. “Are there toys in there?”
“It's the aquarium,” Luke explained. “Lots of fish, sea lions, penguins, and I even think they have a whale of some kind in there. And they have a Christmas tree display inside, should look pretty neat, don't you think?”
“Penguins?” Grace asked excitedly. “I loove penguins!”
“I know,” Luke laughed. “I figured you would approve,” he replied as they climbed out of the car.
“And a whole whale?” Grace asked, her mind boggling. “A whole big whale?”
“I don't know how big it is,” Luke admitted. “I'm sure it's not the biggest whale in the world, but it's still a whale. I'm pretty sure it's a whole one, whatever it is. Half a whale would be pretty gross.”
“Yeah,” Grace agreed, wrinkling her nose. “Whale guts.”
“So did I do good?” Luke asked, taking Grace's hand as they crossed the parking lot toward the aquarium.
“Yup!” Grace exclaimed. “Penguins!”
“Good,” Luke smiled, pleased with Grace's excitement.
“Why didn't Mommy come?” Grace asked as they walked.
“Mommy thought you and I could use a day out together, exercise the old leg,” Luke said. “She's got a surprise for Xander, and next weekend, Mommy's going to spend a special day with you, and I'll do something with Xan. We figured we'd get a couple weekends of quality time in before the babies come.”
“Neat!” Grace said happily. “Bet Mommy will take me shopping.”
“I don't know,” Luke shrugged. “I'm not in the loop, but just remember, don't come home with any new pets.”
Grace giggled at the notion as Luke paid the aquarium admission for the pair.
“All set?” Luke grinned.
“Penguins!” Grace squealed, and skipped ahead of Luke happily.
“Slow down there, monkey,” Luke muttered. “Old Pegleg here has to keep up with you,” he explained, leaning heavily on his cane as he tried to catch up to Grace.
“Sorry,” Grace said, stopping until Luke closed the distance between them. They made their way through the aquarium, marveling at the exotic fish on display. Luke needed to rest, so he took Grace to the amphitheater show. Grace squealed as the jumping dolphins began the exhibition, and was completely suckered in by the subliminally educational facts the cheerful woman in a wet suit fed the crowd as she walked along the edge of the pool. Luke laughed at the wide-eyed expression on Grace's face as she hung on to every word the woman said, and wickedly planned to rub it in Lorelai's face that he had entertained Grace for a full day AND she had learned something as a result.
The show ended, much to Grace's chagrin, and the pair exited the amphitheater, resuming their tour of the aquarium. They walked into a darkened section of the floor they were on. “I want to be a marine bollygist when I grow up,” Grace announced to Luke.
“Really?” Luke smiled. “That sounds like fun. Get to play with the dolphins and penguins all the time, I'll bet.”
“Yeah,” Grace nodded enthusiastically. “And fish are neat, too. 'Specially the glowy ones.”
“Just like your mother,” Luke laughed. “Fascinated by bright, shiny objects.”
“I liked those big ones with the happy faces,” Grace murmured, stopping in front of a large tank.
“Manta Rays,” Luke nodded.
“What are these?” Grace asked, fascinated.
“Jellyfish,” Luke replied.
“Wow,” Grace breathed. “They glow too.”
“That's why it's so dark in here,” Luke explained. “They live really deep in the ocean, and a lot of the fish and other life that live so deep glow like that. They can't tolerate the light.”
“Why?” Grace asked, enraptured by the jellyfish.
“Um, I forget,” Luke chuckled. “I knew it at one point, but I can't remember now. We'll check for one of those signs that answer all your questions for you. I'm sure there's one by the entrance.”
“Maybe Mommy will take me here next week,” Grace said hopefully as they exited the jellyfish exhibit.
“You really like it here that much?” Luke asked.
“Yeah,” Grace nodded. “Can we find the penguins now?”
“Yeah,” Luke agreed. “Glad you're having fun,” he grinned down at Grace. Luke accidentally bumped into a woman as he and Grace joined the crowd of visitors swarming through the main hallway. “Sorry,” he apologized, cringing as the woman glared at him. Luke held up his cane and shrugged, playing the disability card to downplay his carelessness.
“Watch it, buddy,” she hissed and stomped away.
“Sheesh,” Luke muttered. “You'd think I just tried to steal her purse or something. I barely touched her. Grab my hand, monkey, it's getting crowded in here.”
Luke held out his hand for Grace to hold, but she didn't take it.
“C'mon, G,” Luke sighed. “Grab my hand,” he said more sternly as he looked down at her. Except Grace wasn't there.
“Grace?” Luke said, turning around in the crowd. There was no sign of the little girl.
“Grace!” Luke said, louder this time, as he took a few steps forward, figuring she had gotten ahead of him. The crowd was thinning now, and still no sign of Grace.
“Shit,” Luke muttered nervously as he turned around in a circle, scanning the hallway. “Gracie!” Luke shouted.
Luke quickly limped back into the jellyfish display he and Grace had just exited. “Gracie?” he called. There was nobody currently in the room. “Crap,” Luke growled, shaking off the growing panic and stumbling back out into the main hall.
“Crap, crap, CRAP!” Luke muttered, hurrying up the hallway to a sharp corner. Luke stared down the corridor. Only a few people were littering the hall, stopped at various small fish tanks on display. No little girl amongst them.
“Grace?” Luke hollered, cringing at the echo of his own voice. Luke spun around and limped back to the place he had last seen her. “Fuck,” Luke said loudly. “Fuck, fuck fuck!”
An employee walked up to Luke as he bellowed Grace's name again. “Sir, is there something wrong?” she asked.
“I can't find my kid,” Luke gasped. “Where the hell is my kid?”
“Calm down, Sir,” the employee said soothingly. “Come with me,” she directed, walking back to the small desk she was stationed at.
“I gotta find my kid,” Luke said angrily. “I don't have time for this, I have to find her.”
“We have procedures,” the girl explained patiently. “This happens all the time, when did you last see her?”
“Just a second ago,” Luke said shakily. “I bumped into some woman, and she was gone. She just vanished,” he said, his voice rising in pace with his fear. Luke scanned the hallway, but still could not locate any sign of Grace. “Shit!” he moaned.
The girl picked up a walkie talkie and spoke into it. “All employees, Code Yellow in effect immediately. Please enact Amber Alert priority procedure at once.”
“Amber Alert?” Luke asked, confused. “Her name is Grace.”
“Come with me, Sir,” the girl said. “We'll start looking for her. We have a lost child plan we put into effect after the Amber Alert legislation was passed. We go into a lockdown mode the minute a child is reported lost. All exits are immediately guarded by employees, and nobody leave or enters until the child is found. It happens a lot, I promise you. Most of the time, we find the children tapping the glass at the electric eel display, because they like to get the electricity gauge up high. We just do this to prevent any child being taken from the facility.”
“Taken?” Luke cried. “Taken? Like somebody took her?” Luke felt an icy surge of panic course through him. “Shit!” he said, his voice cracking. “Holy crap!”
Luke and the employee started searching for Grace. She asked Luke for a description of the girl and transmitted the information through the walkie talkie. As Luke and the employee scoured the entire floor with no sign of Grace, Luke's panic dissolved into complete terror.
“She's not here,” Luke gasped. “She just isn't here. Where the hell is my kid?”
“What's her favorite exhibit?” The girl asked.
“She liked the dolphins,” Luke muttered. “I checked the jellyfish, and she wasn't there. Jesus. This is not happening. Penguins! She wanted to see the penguins.”
The employee radioed he co-workers, instructing them to check the amphitheater and the penguin exhibit. “She's probably looking at the penguins right now,” the girl said soothingly as they passed an on-guard employee at the escalator. They rode the escalator to the next floor. “For some reason, the kids tend to go up,” she shrugged in explanation.
“Christ, I can't tell my wife I lost our kid,” Luke moaned as they headed for the information desk on the third floor.
“Why don't you take a seat?” the employee helping Luke suggested.
“Gotta find Gracie,” Luke muttered, shaking his head.
“Take a break, Sir, you're having trouble walking,” she insisted. “We'll find her, you just need to take a rest and calm down, okay? She'll be fine.”
Luke sat down on a bench angrily and put his head into his hands. He was sweating profusely now, and Luke wiped the beads of perspiration from his forehead. “Oh my god,” Luke whispered. “How did I lose my kid? Lorelai's going to kill me.”
Luke stared at his trembling hands. “Fuck,” he whispered. “Gracie.”
The employee ran back to Luke. “Got her!” she grinned. “They're bringing her back down. She made it all the way to the fourth floor.”
“They found her?” Luke exclaimed. “Is she okay?”
“She's okay,” the girl nodded. “Crying, but okay.”
“Oh, man,” Luke moaned as he got to his feet. Luke heard a crying child approaching from behind him, and he spun around, instantly recognizing Grace's cries. A male employee was carrying the wretched child. He set Grace on the ground and pointed Luke out to her. Grace let out a sob and ran to Luke. Luke sat back down on the bench and held his arms wide open for the girl.
“Where did you go?” Luke and Grace both cried at the same time, as Grace sank into Luke's arms. She flung her arms around Luke's neck, squeezing tightly. Luke wrapped his arms around Grace just as tightly.
“Where did I go?” Luke asked, burying his face in Grace's curls. “I tried to take your hand and you were gone. I told you to hold my hand, Gracie,” he moaned, choking back tears of relief that threatened to spring up in his eyes.
“I did, Poppy!” Grace's muffled voice cried out. “But it was a lady!” Grace dissolved into an even louder fit of sobbing as she pulled Luke closer.
“Apparently, your daughter thought she had your hand, but it turned out to be another visitor,” the male employee explained. “And the woman was so pre-occupied with the exhibits that she didn't notice she had someone else's child's hand. She thought it was her own daughter, but the daughter was walking behind them the whole time. She panicked and finally found an employee to turn Grace over to.”
“So you didn't notice it wasn't me?” Luke asked a still weeping Grace.
“I was watching fishes,” Grace whimpered.
“Geez,” Luke chuckled, finally feeling himself unclenching a little from the panicked search for the girl. “Don't I feel special?”
“Poppy, don't get lost again,” she wailed as Luke pulled the poor girl up onto his right knee.
“It's okay,” Luke soothed, feeling Grace still trembling in fear. “It's okay, baby girl, Poppy has you now.”
“You got lost,” Grace repeated. “I couldn't find you, Poppy.”
“I couldn't find you either,” Luke sighed. “You scared me. You really scared me, baby girl.”
“Didn't mean it,” Grace snuffled, her chest hitching with the force of her tears.
“I know,” Luke whispered, rubbing Grace's back. “It was an accident. We both got confused, I guess.”
Luke let Grace cry out her fear, lavishing her with hugs and kisses until she settled down. When she finally exhausted herself of tears, she slumped against Luke, quietly clutching and unclutching the lapel on his coat. Luke set Grace on her feet, held her hand tightly, and walked to the desk to thank the employees for their help. Luke led Grace out of the aquarium, smiling down at the desperate two handed grip she was inflicting on Luke's own hand. Luke opened the back door of the car, and Grace quietly climbed into her seat. Luke buckled Grace in, and slid in the seat next to her for a moment.
“Are you okay, baby?” Luke murmured, stroking Grace's tear stained cheek.
Grace nodded “I thought you forgot me,” she said, her voice trembling.
“Forgot you?” Luke exclaimed. “How could I ever forget you, sweetie?”
“Too many babies,” Grace grumbled, swiping at her still damp eyes.
“That again,” Luke smiled. “Kid, did I forget about you when Xander came along?”
“No,” Grace whispered.
“Then why would I forget about you now? Do you have any idea how crazy I was when you were missing? I thought I was going to go insane. Not knowing where you were was the worst feeling I've ever felt in my entire life, and I've had some pretty bad feelings in my time. Don't you ever do that to me again, do you hear me? I couldn't stand it if something happened to you, okay?” Luke ranted. “When you were gone, I just wanted to scream, I was that scared. All I cared about was getting you back.”
“Will you still be my bestest buddy?” Grace asked.
“When the babies come?” Luke asked.
Grace nodded.
“You're always going to be my best friend,” Luke responded. “I love you Gracie, you're my monkey. You're always going to be my monkey, and nothing's ever going to change that. We're bestest buddies for the rest of our lives. We pinky-swore on that, remember?”
Grace smiled and stuck out her pinky. “Still pinky-swear?” she asked.
Luke linked his little finger with Grace's. “Still pinky-swear,” Luke grinned.
“Okay,” Grace sighed.
“We're good?” Luke asked. “You're feeling better now?”
“Uh huh,” Grace nodded. “Wanna go home.”
“Me too,” Luke breathed. “Long day. Just do me a favor, will you?”
“What?” Grace asked.
“Let ME tell your Mommy about this little hiccup in our plans. It'll go a lot smoother if she hears it from ME.”
“Okay,” Grace nodded, as Luke pulled himself out of the backseat and got into the driver's side door.
Luke started the engine and backed out of the parking space, aiming the car for home.
“Hey, Poppy?” Grace called from the backseat.
“Yeah, baby girl?” Luke asked, glancing in the rear view mirror.
“So, can I get a penguin?” Grace asked innocently.
Luke laughed and shook his head. “Always an angle with you, isn't there kid?”
Chapter 27: How Not To Conserve Water
“Okay, spill,” Lorelai mumbled as she applied her night cream to her face.
Luke poked his head out of the shower. “Spill what?” he asked, one eye squinted shut to fend off a rogue stream of soapy water.
“What happened today?” Lorelai sighed, wiping the mirror with a towel as the steam from Luke's shower fogged it up.
“What about today?” Luke hollered over the sound of the shower.
Lorelai walked over to the shower and yanked the curtain open. “Stop playing dumb, Burger Boy, Grace was doing her impression of a block of wood all evening, and I want to know why.”
Luke covered himself with his hands. “Sheesh, privacy please?” he mumbled.
Lorelai looked down at Luke's hands. “Seriously, you're covering that up? I've seen it about 5 million times now.”
“Well,” Luke retorted. “I'm in the shower.”
“Excellent logic,” Lorelai sighed, closing the shower curtain again.
“We just hit a little snag in the plan today, that's all,” Luke finally admitted.
“What kind of snag? Why was she crying?” Lorelai frowned, wiping away the fresh layer of steam on the mirror and picking up her jar of night cream again.
“How did you know she was crying?” Luke asked.
“I'm her mother. I know these things.” Lorelai responded. “Besides, Grace is a messy crier. She's puffy and snotty for hours afterwards.”
“Like mother, like daughter,” Luke crowed.
“I am NOT snotty,” Lorelai gasped. “What happened?”
“What did you and Xan do today?” Luke asked, delaying the inevitable.
“We went on a scavenger hunt through town,” Lorelai replied. “Like I already told you we did. What happened?”
“Damn it,” Luke muttered, stalling by rinsing his hair thoroughly under the shower spray. “We kind of got...um...separated at the aquarium.”
“Separated?” Lorelai asked, walking back to the shower. She yanked the curtain open yet again. “You lost Grace?”
“Aw, come on,” Luke whined, covering himself again.
“You come on,” Lorelai said impatiently. “Congratulations, it's a penis. Get over it. How did you lose my kid?”
“I didn't lose her, we got separated,” Luke muttered. “She was there, I told her to hold my hand, and in that split second she was gone.”
“Oh my god,” Lorelai said, her voice rising. “How long until you found her?”
“I don't know,” Luke shrugged. “It felt like hours, it was probably just a few minutes.”
“Minutes? How many minutes? Two? Ten? Twenty?” Lorelai asked.
“Ten?” Luke replied uncertainly.
“Ten minutes? Grace was lost for ten minutes?” Lorelai gasped.
“Maybe,” Luke sighed. “I was kind of concentrating on the finding her part.”
“Ten minutes is a long time for a lost kid,” Lorelai said, her brow furrowed.
“Ten minutes is a long time for a mental Poppy,” Luke retorted.
“She just wandered away?” Lorelai prodded.
“She heard me tell her to take my hand. She apparently took some other mother's hand and went with her. Neither one of them noticed they were with the wrong person,” Luke said.
“And how long until...” Lorelai queried.
“Don't,” Luke warned. “Don't act like I was walking around, forgetting I had my daughter with me. It was a split second, and she was gone. I freaked out. I completely freaked out. There was a crowd, and half the state of Connecticut was in that hallway for a few minutes. I blinked and she was gone.”
“I'm sorry,” Lorelai sighed. “I didn't mean that. Was she really upset when you found her?”
“Meltdown Gracie times infinity,” Luke sighed, leaning back into the shower spray.
“And Meltdown Poppy?” Lorelai smiled.
“Internal meltdown, but kept it mostly cool on the outside,” Luke replied.
“Poor kid,” Lorelai sighed. “Poor Luke. Boy, I'm glad you didn't have to call me. I would have gone into labor right then and there at the thought.”
“They lock down the place when a kid is lost,” Luke told Lorelai, reaching for a bar of soap. “The girl helping me said it was to prevent kids from being taken out of the building. I nearly had a heart attack. It hadn't even occurred to me that anything could have happened besides Grace wandering off. I just started picturing all these milk cartons, and America's Most Wanted episodes, and I...I...I've never been more scared in all my life,” Luke admitted, looking at Lorelai with wide eyes.
“Aw, Babe,” Lorelai murmured, reaching into the shower stall to touch Luke's face. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry you guys got so scared. Guess she won't argue about holding our hands anymore, huh?”
“I think she's going to voluntarily request a leash from now on,” Luke smiled.
“Anything I can do?” Lorelai asked.
“Well..” Luke grinned.
“Are you having dirty thoughts about improvising again?” Lorelai giggled.
“We haven't improvised in a week,” Luke pouted. “And I'm very traumatized tonight.”
“Poor, poor baby,” Lorelai whispered. She looked down. “Somebody's not so shy anymore,” she giggled.
Luke shrugged. “I got over it. Now you get over here.”
“I just took a shower,” Lorelai said primly.
“You're going to need another one once I finish improvising,” Luke said as he reached for Lorelai's hand. “Might as well kill two birds with one stone.” Luke grasped Lorelai by the waist and pulled her into the shower stall.
“Luke!” Lorelai shrieked. “My bathrobe!”
“It'll dry,” Luke growled, pulling Lorelai into a crushing kiss.
“Mmm,” she moaned, parting her lips to grant access to Luke's tongue. Luke turned Lorelai in the shower stall and planted his arm on the back wall for support as he deepened his kiss. His free hand grasped Lorelai's ass, working it's way underneath the wet bathrobe.
“I'm all wet,” Lorelai murmured, tugging at Luke's bottom lip with her teeth.
“Like you wet,” Luke grinned, sliding his hand under the clinging material to caress Lorelai's breast.
“Oh boy,” Lorelai sighed as Luke gently massaged her pregnancy swollen breasts. “Wow, you're still good at that.”
“I'm a very handy man,” Luke whispered as he untied the belt to Lorelai's robe and let it fall sloppily to the shower floor. “Let me show you all the things I can do with my hands.”
“Show me,” Lorelai panted as Luke lowered his head and began to press a trail of kisses up and down her neck. Luke moved Lorelai slightly, allowing a steady stream of water to fall over her breast as he delicately rolled her nipple into erectness.
Luke bent down to take her into his mouth. He teased her aroused nipple with the tip of his tongue as he took the other into his free hand, repeating the same technique. Lorelai moaned appreciatively.
“Turn around,” Luke whispered huskily.
“Getting right to the point, huh?” Lorelai smiled.
“Sorry,” Luke chuckled. “My leg can only handle short bursts of upright improvisation.”
“That's okay,” Lorelai giggled as she complied with Luke's wishes. “My ankles can't take much upright improv themselves.”
“As long as we're on the same page,” Luke smiled, rubbing Lorelai's belly. “Hi guys, pardon me while I molest your Mommy.”
“Ew,” Lorelai laughed. “We'll have to start finding therapists for them while they're still in utero.”
“Shut up,” Luke chuckled as he moved his hand lower. “I'm trying to concentrate here.”
“Shutting up,” Lorelai gasped as Luke found his intended target. He slid his fingers between Lorelai's slickened lips.
“Mmm,” Luke groaned, finding Lorelai already aroused and ready for him. “I like it when you cooperate with me.” Luke slid his hardness against Lorelai's ass, pressing into her flesh as he teased her clit with his fingers.
“Oh,” Lorelai sighed, pressing back against Luke's hardness. “God, I miss you. Can't wait until we can see each other face to face again.”
Luke slid his cock between Lorelai's legs, rubbing himself against her. He groaned as Lorelai reached down and pressed him against her as she slid herself along his shaft. “This is still an acceptable alternative,” he gasped as she grasped his balls and began to massage them gently.
“Very acceptable,” Lorelai breathed, feeling her arousal rise as his shaft rubbed against her clit.
Luke nibbled Lorelai's shoulder, and reached for her breasts again. “Love shower improvising,” he growled, as Lorelai threw her head back against his shoulder in appreciation of his attentions.
“Oh Luke,” Lorelai sighed. “You need to be inside me now.”
“Roger that,” Luke rasped as he slid into Lorelai. “Oh man,” he sighed, feeling Lorelai's muscles clamp around his hardness.
Luke slowly began to thrust into Lorelai, massaging her clit steadily in time with his movement. Lorelai planted both hands against the shower stall and bent to accommodate Luke's motion.
“Oh,” Lorelai gasped, enjoying the combination of Luke's thrusts and the hot water beating down on her back. Luke leaned back and began to thrust harder, running his hands over Lorelai's hips and ass as he watched himself riding her from behind.
“Luke,” Lorelai gasped, rocking her hips in time with Luke's increasingly powerful strokes. “Jesus, Luke..” she moaned, feeling her climax building.
“God, you feel so good,” Luke groaned, losing his ability to hold back for Lorelai. “You're so hot. God, you're so damn hot on me.”
“Harder,” Lorelai gasped, reaching between her legs. Luke sucked air in sharply as he felt Lorelai stroke her clit as he pounded into her.
“Jesus,” Luke hissed. He could feel Lorelai's inner walls begin to throb around his own throbbing cock. “Jesus, Lorelai, I can't....”
Lorelai rocked back against Luke, moaning deeply. “I'm here,” she panted. “I'm right here with you, baby, make me come. Make me come with you, baby.”
“Lorelai,” Luke whispered, thrusting wildly into her depths. “Come for me baby, take me with you.”
“Oh god,” Lorelai gasped, throwing her head back as her orgasm overtook her. “Holy...Oh my god, I'm coming, Luke, come with me now, baby, let it go,” she wailed as the waves of pleasure wracked her body.
Luke groaned loudly as he felt Lorelai begin to pulsate around him. “Oh my god,” he moaned as he lost control of himself completely. He thrust deep and hard into Lorelai, feeling his own orgasm hit him full force. “Lorelai,” Luke growled as he exploded within her. “Love you,” he gasped as he thrust into her a few more times. Luke felt his knees weaken from his release, and bent over Lorelai, laying his head on her shoulder as he recovered.
“Damn,” Luke whispered shakily.
“Double damn,” Lorelai grinned as they slowly straightened up. “That was fun.”
Luke laughed as he leaned back into the stream of water. “I think the hot water is about gone.”
Lorelai leaned against the shower wall as Luke quickly cleaned himself up. “Your turn,” Luke grinned, stepping back to allow Lorelai time to clean up herself before the water lost all heat.
Lorelai quickly soaped up as Luke dragged the sopping wet bathrobe away from the drain. “Know what really sucks?” Luke asked as he stepped out of the shower stall.
“What's that?” Lorelai asked as she rinsed herself off.
“One of us has to figure out how to get that robe up off the ground,” Luke sighed.
“Oh,” Lorelai frowned. “That's going to be a problem.”
“We'll figure it out in the morning,” Luke sighed, grabbing a towel from the rack.
“Yeah,” Lorelai agreed, turning off the water. “Tomorrow one of us may be more flexible.”
“Right,” Luke laughed, handing Lorelai a towel.
“Thanks, Babe,” Lorelai smiled, stepping out of the shower and kissing Luke. “Sweetie?” Lorelai asked.
“Yeah?” Luke replied.
“Don't ever lose my kid again,” Lorelai said sternly.
“No,” Luke said, shaking his head. “Never ever losing your kid again.”
“Good,” Lorelai grinned. “As long as we're on the same page.”
Chapter 28: The Fast And The Furious
“There yet?” Xander asked.
“Almost,” Luke sighed, making a right hand turn. “Any guesses about what we're going to do today?”
“Fishin',” Xander guessed.
“Nah, too cold to go fishing,” Luke replied, braking for a red light.
“There yet?” Xander asked.
“Nope,” Luke replied. “Guess again.”
“Fishin',” Xander guessed.
Luke groaned as the light changed to green and he pressed the accelerator. “You just guessed that.”
“Swimmin'?” Xander altered his response.
“In December?” Luke asked, waving his scarf in the air as a reminder to the boy that this wasn't exactly swimming weather.
“There yet?” Xander asked.
“Kid,” Luke sighed. “You've got issues.”
“French fries!” Xander yelped as the car drove past a fast food restaurant.
“Maybe later, little man,” Luke grinned as he turned into a parking lot.
“There yet?” Xander asked.
“Yes,” Luke sighed. “Thank god for that, too.”
Luke parked the car and got out. He extricated Xander from his car seat, grabbed his cane, took Xander's hand and started to walk toward their destination.
“Don't get losted,” Xander scolded, holding Luke's hand tightly.
Luke shook his head. “I'm not going to get lost. You people are never going to let me live that down, are you?”
“Nope!” Xander replied cheerfully.
“Thank you for your continued support,” Luke retorted dryly as they entered the building.
Xander stopped short and stared at the sight before him. “Wow!” he said reverently.
“What do you think?” Luke grinned.
“Games!” Xander cried. “Lots of games!”
“Manly games,” Luke growled.
“Grrr,” Xander replied. It was the only manly sound he could think of.
“Let's get some quarters and start shooting and hitting things,” Luke nodded approvingly.
“Bang!” Xander squealed as he and Luke wandered to the counter of the indoor entertainment center to get some change. Luke pulled out a twenty dollar bill and took the cup of tokens the clerk produced.
“Okay, let's scope out the joint,” Luke said, as he and Xander began to stalk the various video games and activities in the complex.
“What's that?” Xander asked, pointing out a large piece of machinery.
“Duck pin bowling,” Luke laughed. “Let's do it.”
“Do what?” Xander asked as Luke inserted some tokens into both lanes of the game. Luke grabbed the palm sized ball that rolled down. “It's just like bowling, only a smaller ball, smaller pins, and a shorter lane,” Luke explained. “You have to knock down all those pins up there. Like this.” Luke rolled his ball up the lane, knocking down all but the ten pin. “See? I almost did it,” Luke said. “If you don't get them all down the first time, you get one more chance.” Luke rolled the ball again, and hit the ten pin.
“Yay!” Xander cheered. “My turn?”
“Go for it,” Luke grinned.
Xander picked up his ball. He frowned at the ball, then at the pins. Luke smiled as he watched the boy plot his next move. Xander suddenly raised the ball over his head with two hands and flung it as hard as he could. Luckily, that wasn't very hard. The ball sailed through the air and suddenly plummeted down to the short lane, bounced a couple of times and landed in the gutter. The ball came to a rest in the gutter just ahead of the first pin.
“I missed,” Xander pouted.
“But you missed with flair,” Luke grinned, leaning on the lane and poking the stranded ball with his cane. The ball rolled back to Xander. “Okay,” Luke said. “Do-over. This time, try rolling it.”
“Kay,” Xander muttered, grasping the ball. He swiveled his hips and with a mighty heave, he rolled the ball down the lane. This time he managed to take down a couple of the pins.
“Yay!” Xander bellowed, hopping up and down. “I hit 'em!”
“Good going,” Luke laughed. “Okay, you've got the hang of it. Head to head competition now. Winner gets to pick the next game.” Luke and Xander stood at their respective lanes and began to bowl. Luke obviously won, but Xander held his own. His score would have been a little better if not for one wild roll that ended up bouncing into Luke's lane. Sadly, the only strike Xander achieved that game was tallied toward Luke's final score because of the out of control ball.
“Pick a game,” Xander instructed as the duck pin bowling game ended and Xander collected the tickets spitting out from the machine.
Luke looked around. “Ooh, cars. Let's race cars.”
“Cars!” Xander agreed.
Luke found an open racing game and slid into the seat. “I'll handle the pedals, you steer,” Luke instructed, pulling Xander up into his lap. Luke dropped the required tokens into the game. “Here we go,” He grinned as the game lit up and Xander selected a car with the steering wheel.
The screen flipped to the starting line and the countdown began. “Okay, go!” Luke cried, pressing on the accelerator. Xander gritted his teeth and began wildly spinning the steering wheel.
“Wait,” Luke grunted. “You're going the wrong way. You're backwards. Xan, stop spinning the wheel. Hey, you're just making the car turn in circles. Xander. Straighten up. No, point the other way. Dude, we're still at the starting line. Xander, the race is almost over and we haven't left the starting line. Straighten up. STOP. There, stop there. That's the direction you want to go. Okay, I'm hitting the gas. There you go, don't spin, just keep it straight. Wait, no, wait, Xan! That's the wall. Wow. How did you just drive up the wall? Was that supposed to happen? Get off the wall. You're stuck. It's a video game, how did you get stuck on a wall? Straighten up. There you go. Now we're cooking. Okay, we're going around a curve, steer into it. No, don't change gears. You want to stay in low gear. Stop, no, not high gear. Okay, at least pick a gear. It isn't a pump. Stop that. Watch it, you're going to go right into that...Crud. Ditch. Okay, get out of the ditch. No, not into the ditch, out of it. Remember the road? You want to be on the road, ideally. Yeah, there, no don't turn back. Good, go for the road. For the love of all that is holy, get on the road. There. Good, let's go, we're running out of time. I can still see the starting line. Okay, I'm punching it, we're going turbo, hang on. No! Go around the car. Watch it, go around it, go around the car, no, around, around, around the...Xan! Not into the...oh. Never mind.”
“I blowed up,” Xander scowled.
“It was inevitable,” Luke laughed. “Worst driving ever. You're not getting a license until you're thirty.”
“Big blow up!” Xander crowed. “New game.”
“Let's try something a little more low-tech,” Luke groaned, pulling himself to his feet. Luke nodded across the room. “Whack-A-Mole?”
“Hit stuff!” Xander squealed and ran to the game. Luke let Xander put a token in and start the game.
“Hit anything that moves,” Luke coached as the plastic heads began to pop up from their holes. Xander began wildly attacking the surface with the cushioned bat. Luke leaned up against the game and looked over his shoulder. As the game quickened its pace, Luke began to surreptitiously pound anything that Xander missed with his fist. Xander was so absorbed in the game he didn't even notice that Luke was helping to inflate his score. The game ended and tickets began to spit out of the machine.
“Wow!” Xander exclaimed, impressed. “I did good.”
Luke nodded. “Definitely found your game,” he grinned.
The pair worked their way through the games at the center. They found a few hunting games in which no virtual animals were hurt due to Xander's poor hand/eye coordination. They played several rounds of basketball, which Xander seemed to excel at, scoring at least 10 baskets with no help from Luke. Xander convinced Luke to let him try the Dance, Dance Revolution game. Xander, true to form, was not up to the challenge, but he collected eight dollars in tips from the sudden crowd that gathered to cheer his enthusiastic dancing attempts. Luke nearly collapsed from laughter as he watched the boy gyrate and stomp to the music, flinging his chubby fists in the air much in the style of John Travolta in 'Saturday Night Fever'. The crowd erupted into applause as the game ended and Xander clapped along with them, oblivious to the fact that they were clapping for him. Luke wiped away the tears from his eyes as the boy collected his tips.
“It's true,” Luke wheezed, trying to regain his composure. “White boys really can't dance.”
“Fun game!” Xander panted, winded from the effort.
“You're quite the entertainer,” Luke chuckled as they wandered through the center, making sure they had hit every game of interested.
Xander peeked into a doorway. “What's there?” he asked.
Luke looked through the door. “Batting cages,” he replied.
“Can I play?” Xander asked.
“Sorry,” Luke said. “That's a grown-up game. The balls are too fast for you to hit. You could get hurt really bad.”
“Oh,” Xander said, disappointed. “Watch it?”
“Sure, we can watch them,” Luke smiled, sitting Xander up on one of the stools along the wall. Luke sat on the stool next to the boy.
“Wow,” Xander exclaimed, watching a couple of men who were swinging bats in the cages. “Fast balls.”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded, watching the men longingly.
“You can play,” Xander offered.
“I don't know,” Luke shook his head. “Don't think my leg is up to the challenge right now.”
“Like baseball?” Xander asked.
“Love baseball,” Luke sighed. “Used to play it all the time.”
“You can play,” Xander tempted Luke again.
Luke heaved a heavy sigh. “Really wanna hit one or two,” he muttered sadly.
“Go Daddy,” Xander pressed happily, bouncing in his seat.
Luke looked warily at Xander. “Maybe I can do the slow pitch cage,” he murmured softly.
“Do it, do it, do it,” Xander chanted.
Luke grinned slyly at Xander. “Don't tell your Mommy I did this, she'd throttle me. You stay right here and I'll just take a couple of easy swings.” Luke grabbed a helmet and a bat and limped into the slow pitch cage. “Ready?” he beamed at the boy.
“Ready!” Xander cried.
Luke took a few practice swings, feeling out a stance that wouldn't rely too heavily on his left leg. “I think I may be able to pull this off,” Luke chuckled to Xander. Luke slid the tokens into the machine and choked up on the bat, basking in the familiarity of the feel of the wood in his grasp. The love of the game was still there, no doubt about it. Luke narrowed his eyes as the pitching machine began to whir. The ball came flying out of the machine. Luke waited, sized up the pitch and swung. A loud crack announced that Luke had made solid contact, and the ball sailed back into the nets. Luke hopped back onto his right leg, somehow managing to redistribute his weight at the right moment, avoiding a painful situation if he had followed through properly with his left leg.
“Geez!” Xander shouted, clapping for Luke.
“Did you see that?” Luke grinned at the boy. “Out of the park!”
Luke swung high at the next few pitches, allowing the balls to dip underneath his swing. He didn't want to do anything stupid, and was content just to be able to go through the motions. The few pitches that Luke wanted to hit, he hit soundly, the balls bouncing off the back wall every time. Luke limped out of the cages, ignoring the dull throb now present in his leg. “That was cool,” he grinned as he put his helmet back on the shelf behind Xander's head.
“Fun,” Xander giggled.
“Fun,” Luke agreed, laughing.
The pair played a few more games, and finally decided to make their way home. Xander was yawning on a regular basis, and Luke's leg had had enough for the day. Luke ordered some food at a fast food restaurant drive-thru, placating Xander's french fry addiction. They got home and ate their food on the coffee table in the living room while watching Xander's favorite cartoon line-up.
“Good day?” Luke asked, popping a chicken nugget into his mouth.
“Good day,” Xander nodded, slurping loudly on his milkshake.
“I had a blast,” Luke admitted. “Your driving skills need serious work, though.”
Xander giggled. “I blowed up.”
“En fuego,” Luke grinned. “And on top of it all, I didn't get lost.”
“Yup,” Xander nodded proudly. “Didn't get losted.”
“Definitely a successful men's day out,” Luke assessed.
“Grr,” Xander growled.
“Grr,” Luke growled back as he laid back on the couch. “Geez, all this manly stuff wore me out,” he yawned.
“Me too,” Xander yawned, climbing up on the couch and on top of Luke.
“Man nap,” Luke muttered, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around Xander as the boy snuggled up underneath Luke's chin.
“Man nap,” Xander whispered in agreement as he drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 29: Baby With A Side Of Baby
Lorelai stirred as the soft rays of morning light fell on her face.
“Mornin',” Luke murmured, kissing Lorelai's forehead.
“Good morning,” she whispered, reaching up to stroke Luke's cheek.
“How are you feeling, pretty lady?” Luke murmured, kissing Lorelai's lips softly.
“Splits on a crate of dynamite,” Lorelai responded sleepily. “Times two...million.”
“Yeah,” Luke said softly. “Rough night, last night, huh?”
“Sorry,” Lorelai replied.
“No reason to be sorry,” Luke frowned, brushing a stray strand of hair from Lorelai's forehead.
“I caused a fuss,” Lorelai whispered.
“You're worth the fuss,” Luke scolded quietly. “Everybody is okay now, that's all that matters. Just don't do that to me ever again. You nearly gave me a heart attack.”
“Don't ever get me pregnant again,” Lorelai shot back, still groggy.
“I won't, I promise,” Luke swore. “After last night, I'll get snipped, no complaints, if that's what you want. You earned the trade, fair and square.”
“Babies are fine?” Lorelai murmured, looking blearily around the room.
“Fine,” Luke assured Lorelai. “Pretty, and pink, and just fine. They're in the nursery right now, they'll bring the babies to us soon enough.”
“What are they?” Lorelai asked, closing her eyes. “I missed that part.”
“Yeah,” Luke shuddered. “Not a fan of Out Cold Lorelai, might I add. One of each, Sweetie. Boy and a girl.”
“Oh,” Lorelai smiled, her eyes still closed. “Nice. Even Stevens.”
Luke grinned as he gently stroked Lorelai's hand. “Yeah. And they're gorgeous. Fuzzy hair on their heads. You're going to want to eat them up. They're gorgeous. And loud. They'll fit in just fine with those lungs.”
“Missed that part too,” Lorelai mumbled.
“I know,” Luke frowned. “You got our boy out and just dropped. Did I mention that you can never do that to me ever again?”
“I won't,” Lorelai whispered. “Sorry.”
“It's okay,” Luke soothed, kissing Lorelai on the forehead as she fell back asleep. Luke settled back into his chair and closed his eyes. He soon drifted off to sleep himself, not having been able to sleep all night until Lorelai woke up again and proved to him that she was okay.
The babies were brought to Luke and Lorelai a little later. Luke roused himself and propped pillows under Lorelai's arms as she took turns breastfeeding each child. Lorelai was still feeling weak from the draining delivery the night before, and Luke hovered, concerned, as he watched her determinedly feed her babies despite her shakiness. Lorelai took a short nap after the babies were fed, and Luke passed the time by taking turns cuddling each newborn. He was holding their little girl when Lorelai awakened.
“Hi,” Luke whispered. “Hi, Mommy,” he squeaked in a high voice, gently waving the little girl's fist at Lorelai.
“Gimme,” Lorelai smiled, holding her arms out for the girl. Luke placed the newborn in Lorelai's arms and picked up her twin brother, sitting down on the bed next to Lorelai.
“At least we don't have to fight over babies this time,” Luke grinned. “Plenty of baby to go around.”
“And here we are once again with no names,” Lorelai sighed. “Any ideas?”
“No matching names,” Luke frowned. “I hate cutesy twin names.”
“Me too,” Lorelai agreed. “How about Claire?” she mused, looking at their daughter.
“Are you kidding?” Luke asked. “Claire Danes?”
“Oh,” Lorelai snorted. “That would be awkward. Especially if we ever meet Billy Crudup.”
“Something normal,” Luke muttered. “Simple. I like simple. It's easy to yell 'Gracie Lynn Danes' when she's done something evil, but 'Alexander William Danes' gives the boy time to make a getaway while you're still wrapped up in yelling his name.”
“Luckily, Xander is not the track star his Daddy is,” Lorelai chuckled. “Okay. Simple. Sarah? Jennifer? Amy? Christina? Samantha? Samantha.”
Luke arched an eyebrow at Lorelai. “That's nice, I think. Samantha. Sam. Sammie.”
“Cute, but not vomit-inducing cute,” Lorelai agreed. “Samantha Christine? Samantha Louise? Samantha Jane?”
“Samantha Jane Danes,” Luke mused. “It rhymes. That makes it too cute. Hey, Samantha Emily?”
Lorelai frowned. “If we named her after my mother, we'd never hear the end of it. Samantha Emily Danes?”
Luke shrugged. “I kind of like it. It's a good name.”
“Okay,” Lorelai nodded, looking at the little girl. “Looks like we picked a winner, here. Nice to meet you, Samantha Emily Danes. We'll have to prepare you for the Emily assault you're going to get over this. Sorry in advance.”
“Hi, Sam,” Luke grinned, kissing the girl on the forehead.
“She's definitely a Sam,” Lorelai smiled. “Now, boy names?”
“Absolutely no Tanner, Tucker, Brayden, Jayden, Cayden, Tyler, Cody, Brody, Jody, or any state inspired names,” Luke growled.
“Well, that narrows the playing field,” Lorelai grinned. She fingered the boy's hand gently. “Your Daddy has very strong ideas about things, kiddo.”
“Especially dumb boy names,” Luke muttered.
“Chandler,” Lorelai guffawed. “We could have a Xan and a Chan.”
“No,” Luke said decisively.
“I still like Andrew,” Lorelai sighed.
“We know an Andrew,” Luke pointed out. “And we kept the William for Xander.”
“But we could name him Andrew Lucas,” Lorelai retorted. “After Daddy.”
“That's kind of cool,” Luke admitted. “What would we call him? Andy?”
“He looks kind of like a Drew,” Lorelai murmured, peering at the little boy.
“I could handle that,” Luke smirked. “Drew Danes. Pitcher. Red Sox.”
“What about Xander Danes, Shortstop for the Red Sox?” Lorelai scowled.
“Let's face it,” Luke laughed. “I think it's going to be more like Xander Danes, Accountant.”
“Be nice,” Lorelai laughed. “He's a baby yet. He hasn't developed the Dead-Eye gene yet. He may end up surprising you.”
“He does have a surprising jump shot,” Luke admitted.
“Basketball Danes,” Lorelai giggled.
“Okay then,” Luke chuckled. “Is this our final answer? Sam and Drew Danes?”
“Final answer,” Lorelai smiled. “Hiya Sam, hi Drew. Welcome to the madhouse.”
Luke and Lorelai looked up as a soft knock sounded on the door. Richard poked his head into the room. “Are you feeling up to visitors?” he asked hopefully.
“Come in, Dad,” Lorelai smiled. “Hi, Mom,” she added as Emily walked in behind Richard.
“Hello, Lorelai,” Emily replied. “We brought you some flowers to brighten your room.”
“Pretty,” Lorelai said as Emily sat the flowers on the bed stand.
“So what do we have here?” Richard grinned, leaning over to peer at the babies.
“Want to hold him?” Luke offered.
“Yes,” Richard nodded, reaching for the boy. “I'd like that very much.”
Emily smiled down at the little girl in Lorelai's arms. “I must say, you and Luke do make beautiful babies together,” Emily said crisply.
“Take her, Mom,” Lorelai said, handing the little girl to Emily.
“Well, all right,” Emily smiled as she cradled the baby in her arms. “Have you decided on names yet? Please don't tell me you allowed her to name these babies after more television shows, Luke,” Emily scolded.
“No,” Luke laughed. “We're keeping the pop-culture references down to a dull roar when it comes to the kids.”
“We named the boy Andrew Lucas Danes,” Lorelai said proudly. We're going to call him Drew.”
“That's a fine name,” Emily nodded.
“Very strong name,” Richard agreed. “Hello, Drew, I'm your grandfather,” he smiled down at the boy.
“And, um...we named this little girl here Samantha,” Lorelai said tentatively.
“Samantha what?” Richard prodded.
“Um...Samantha Emily Danes,” Lorelai replied.
“What?” Emily asked, her head snapping up.
“Samantha Emily Danes,” Luke repeated. “We'll call her Sam, more than likely.”
Emily stared at Lorelai, dumbstruck. “Really?” she asked quietly.
“That's lovely,” Richard grinned, pleased.
Lorelai shrugged her shoulders, smiling crookedly at Emily. “Is that okay?”
“That's...that is...very....oh, dear,” Emily stammered, lowering her eyes back to the baby to hide the tears that sprang forth. “Thank you,” she whispered, fussing with the girl's blanket. “I'm very honored.”
“Good,” Lorelai grinned, surprised at her own pleasure in seeing Emily's emotional reaction to the name.
Emily smiled shyly at Lorelai and walked away with the baby. “Just wait until I tell the ladies at the DAR,” she whispered proudly.
Richard leaned forward. “You just made her whole year,” he whispered.
“I'm glad,” Lorelai replied honestly.
“Where are the children?” Richard asked.
“Grace and Xan are at Sookie's house, and Rory and April are going to hop a couple of planes as soon as they can get away,” Luke explained.
“Are Gracie and Xander ready for the new babies?” Emily asked.
“Well, I think they'll be tolerant of the mixed bag, at least,” Lorelai laughed. “If we ended up with two boys or two girls, we would have one guaranteed unhappy camper in the ranks.”
“It will basically be pandelirium until they get used to the new additions,” Luke admitted.
“We'll be fine,” Lorelai nodded. “Gracie and Xan may be a little crazy in the head sometimes, but they know the first rule in the Danes family handbook.”
“The 'it won't be done easily' rule?” Luke asked quizzically.
“No, that just a pervasive fact of life in our little family,” Lorelai explained. “It's our own perverted Murphy's Law. No, the first rule is much more important.”
“What rule is that?” Richard asked, amused.
“Family takes care of family,” Lorelai said firmly. “No matter what.”
“A very good rule to have,” Richard nodded.
“Sounds familiar,” Luke mused.
“Really?” Lorelai asked, smiling at Luke.
Luke nodded. “Sounds like pretty sage advice, wherever you got that rule from.”
“Oh, it is,” Lorelai replied. “A very wise man told me that oh so many years ago. I'm glad I finally wised up and listened to him. Got myself a family to take care of.”
“Me too,” Luke nodded, kissing Lorelai's forehead. “And I'm really glad you decided to wise up with me.”
Chapter 30: Leave The Gun. Take The Cannoli.
“So cute,” Rory whispered, leaning on the back of the as she watched Lorelai hold Samantha.
“Cute over here, too,” April smiled, leaning over Luke's shoulder and cooing at Andrew.
“Have Patty and Babette attacked yet?” Rory asked.
“Not yet,” Lorelai responded. “Everyone is laying low, letting us adjust to two newborns at the same time.”
“Thank god for that,” Luke muttered, sitting a bottle down on the coffee table and moving Drew up to his shoulder for a much needed burping.
“No breastfeeding this time?” April asked.
“Not enough supply for the two drink minimum rule,” Lorelai said sadly. “Plus, ow? I've tried, but it's just not working well this time around.”
“Maybe next time,” Rory snickered, nudging Lorelai.
“Oh no,” Lorelai laughed. “No, no, no. Sorry kiddo, my uterus is waving the white flag of surrender,” she added, looking warily at Luke.
Rory narrowed her eyes, catching the look that Luke and Lorelai had just shared. “What's that all about?” she frowned.
“What?” Luke asked innocently.
“Don't what me, Mister,” Rory muttered. “What's up with that look you two just gave one another?”
“It's nothing, hon,” Lorelai sighed.
“Riight,” Rory retorted, not believing Lorelai.
“It's no big deal, really,” Lorelai said defensively. “The delivery was a little rough, and it was just recommended that Luke and I retire as propagators of the species. Basically, the doctors told me I'm just getting too durn old for this...stuff.”
“Okay, define rough,” Rory asked, concerned.
“Sam came strolling out, easy like Sunday morning, but Drew was being a little more, well, stubborn,” Lorelai explained. “He decided he was going to try to avoid eviction. And when mean old Mommy kept pushing, he decided to fight back and moon the nice lady who was trying to help Mommy deliver him, and, well, that was just not a pleasant experience on my end.”
“Ouch,” April winced. “He really tried to come out butt first?”
“I think I heard a nurse say 'Wow, look at the smile on that kid's face, oh, never mind.',” Lorelai joked.
“I didn't hear that,” Luke growled. “I just heard the eardrum shattering shrieking coming from you.”
“It was never anything dire, it just got a little tense, that's all,” Lorelai said dismissively. “Long story short, I had some bleeding issues, my blood pressure sort of tanked on me, and I ended up passing out and freaking out poor Luke here.”
“Poor Luke,” Rory sighed. “Poor Mom.”
Luke scowled. “She scared the crap out of me. Dropped like a sack of lead. They finally got Drew out, and her eyes just rolled up into her head, and down she went.”
“So does this mean...?” Rory began.
“Snip, snip,” Lorelai smiled.
“Wow, he caved,” April gasped, astonished.
“I think once Drew started to make his two-cheek salute to the world, and I started screaming like a banshee while trying to climb up the wall behind us, it put everything into perspective for my dear husband,” Lorelai grinned.
Luke shuddered. “Can we change the topic now, please?”
“Are they going to hide out over there all day?” Rory asked, nodding toward the stairs, where Grace and Xander perched, glumly observing the new additions to the family.
“They're sizing up the competition,” Luke grinned. “Looking for weaknesses. Will you two get over here already? They won't bite. Not until they start cutting teeth, anyway.”
Grace and Xander slowly got up and slunk over to where Lorelai and Luke sat with the babies.
“Come on,” Lorelai encouraged, patting the cushion beside her. Luke scooted away from Lorelai as Grace and Xander climbed up onto the couch between them. Grace settled in next to Lorelai as Xander sat up on his knees next to Luke, peering suspiciously at Drew.
“He's tiny,” Xander pointed out solemnly.
“Want to hold him?” Luke asked, turning toward Xander. Xander nodded hesitantly as Luke handed Drew to him.
“Here you go,” Luke said softly, placing the baby into Xander's waiting arms. “Watch his head, now. Gotta support his head, or it may fall off and roll under the couch,” Luke joked as he helped Xander support the baby properly. “See? He's not so bad,” Luke smiled.
Xander scrunched up his face. “I guess he's nice,” he said uncertainly. “Hi, Doo.”
“You're a big brother now,” Luke said quietly. “That's a pretty important job to have. Think you can handle it?”
“Uh huh,” Xander smiled. “Big bruffer.”
“What about you, Gracie?” Lorelai smiled. “You have a little sister to play with now, that's kind of cool, isn't it?”
“Sam's nice, I think,” Grace sighed, grudgingly stroking the little girl's hand. “But Miss Kitty is still my cat.”
“Miss Kitty is safe for now, I think,” Luke chuckled. “What about your brother? You can play with him, too.”
“Maybe,” Grace grinned. “Does he sneeze a lot?” she asked as Luke tried to deflect a sudden Xander sneeze away from Drew's face with his own shirtsleeve.
“Not that we've noticed yet,” Luke laughed, inspecting his sleeve with a look of mild revolt.
“Good,” Grace nodded. “Then I guess he's okay.”
“Very magnanimous of you, Gracie,” Rory snorted.
“I like Doo,” Xander decided.
“That's mighty big of you,” Luke smiled. “I think Doo likes you, too.”
“Doo?” Lorelai mouthed at Luke, trying not to laugh.
Luke shrugged. “It is what it is,” he sighed.
Grace watched Samantha thoughtfully. “I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam I Am,” she giggled.
“Oh lord,” April moaned. “We have a Monkey, a Xan the Man, and now a Sam I Am and a Doo.”
“Sam I Am and Doo,” Lorelai laughed. “I like the sound of that.”
“You would,” Luke grumbled. “Let's shoot for one more just so we can name them something really weird like 'Bippy' or 'Chickpea'.”
“Sorry,” Lorelai said mournfully. “No more babies. Snip, snip, bye-bye Bippy.”
“Geez,” Luke muttered. “Enough with the snip, snip talk. You're making my stomach crawl.”
“Hey,” Lorelai whispered. “There are alternatives, you know.”
“And what's that?” Luke asked.
“Well, until I hit menopause, we could stop calling you Cool Hand, and rename you Lefty, if you know what I mean,” Lorelai replied, sticking out her tongue.
“Ew,” Rory and April squealed.
“Oh my god,” Luke moaned, blushing brightly. “You didn't just say that out loud.”
“Don't forget, you love me,” Lorelai grinned.
“I'm not so sure about that right now,” Luke growled.
Drew started to fuss in Xander's arms. “Take him!” Xander cried, unnerved by the suddenly unhappy baby.
Luke laughed and removed Drew from Xander's grasp. “You gotta get a thicker skin than that, little man,” Luke said. “He's going to making a lot more racket than this, soon enough.”
“Loud baby,” Xander moaned, covering his ears.
“You were louder,” Grace informed the boy. “And you smelled funny.”
“Nuh uh,” Xander replied crossly. “You smell.”
“Stop it, you two,” Lorelai sighed, rolling her eyes. “This is going to be one heck of a ride,” she smirked, as Sam decided to harmonize with Drew's cries.
“Wow,” April laughed. “Not regretting that Mom didn't reproduce after me, right now.”
“There's something to be said for being a couple of decades older than your brothers and sisters,” Rory said, raising her voice over the din.
“I think we have diaper issues,” Luke sighed. “Who wants to give me a hand?”
“Not me,” Grace said, shaking her head. “Stinky.”
“I don't think it's stinky,” Luke groaned as Rory handed him the needed supplies.
Xander hovered watchfully as Luke changed Drew's diaper, eagerly handing Luke the diaper supplies as he called for them.
“Careful,” Lorelai warned Xander. “Once we know you know how to change diapers, it's all over for you, kid.”
“Never good with the newborn diapers,” Luke muttered, struggling to get Drew cleaned up. Luke knocked the diaper off the couch. “Crud,” he muttered. “Hand me that, will you, kid?” he asked Xander as he lifted Drew off the couch. “Stick it right there,” Luke instructed Xander as he lay Drew on his shoulder during the fight to regain control of the rogue diaper.
Luke suddenly sat upright. “Aw, geez,” he groaned as he screwed up his face in disgust.
“Let me guess,” Lorelai laughed. “Unexpected shower?”
“Hey Daddy, you're wet,” Xander pointed out at Luke sighed and laid Drew back down on top of the diaper.
“Now that you mention it, I am a little wet,” Luke muttered. “Captain Obvious saves the day.”
“Doo peed on Poppy,” Grace chortled.
“Thanks for the newsflash,” Luke snarked.
“Wow,” Xander said, impressed. “Lots of pee.”
“Oh man,” Rory laughed. “This is more fun than watching Ab Fab.”
“Yeah, I think I'm going to go clean up now,” Luke groaned, handing the freshly diapered boy to Rory. “Your turn.”
“Thanks Luke, you're swell,” Rory smiled as she cuddled the boy.
“I can do diapers better than Poppy,” Grace said proudly.
“Really?” Lorelai smiled. “Let's test you.”
Lorelai coached Grace through Sam's diaper change, making a mental note to mock Luke later on, because Grace was, in fact, doing a much better job than Luke had just done. She also managed to do it without having to take an impromptu shower when all was said and done.
“Look at you, Little Miss Thang,” Lorelai laughed.
“I do good at diapers,” Grace reiterated as she concentrated on affixing the diaper tabs.
“You're going to regret that soon enough,” Lorelai threatened. “Now I know who to corner if I need a spare diaper changer.”
“Oh,” Grace frowned, realizing the error of her ways.
“Okay, I want to hold,” April pouted, stepping in to abduct Sam.
Lorelai lounged back into the couch. “Finally, a breather,” she sighed as Grace climbed up next to her.
“I guess I like the babies,” Grace concluded as she lounged next to Lorelai.
“Good, kiddo,” Lorelai smiled as she twirled a lock of Grace's hair. “I'm glad you approve.”
Luke returned, freshly showered. “I think I need a refresher course in diapers,” he scowled, grabbing Xander as he flopped on the couch.
“Watch your leg,” Lorelai murmured, as Luke flinched upon impact.
“Keep forgetting about that,” he sighed as Xander crawled in between him and the couch. “So what's the verdict, guys? Do we keep the twins?” Luke asked, stuffing something into Xander's hand.
“Uh huh,” Xander giggled, stuffing the item in his shirt pocket.. “Keep them.”
“What was that?” Lorelai asked suspiciously.
“What was what?” Luke asked.
“What did you just give him?” Lorelai pressed.
“I made him an offer he couldn't refuse,” Luke wheezed, doing a moderately acceptable Marlon Brando impersonation.
“Spill,” Lorelai frowned, wanting in on the joke.
“Dollar!” Xander squealed, pulling the money out of his pocket and waving it in the air.
“Oh my god!” Lorelai gasped. “You bribed him? You bribed our son?”
“Hey, I want a dollar too,” Grace pouted. “I'll keep them for a dollar.”
Luke sighed and pulled out his wallet. He dug out a one dollar bill and threw it at Grace. “There's no going back now,” he warned. “Once you accept the deal, you're stuck with your decision.”
“Okay,” Grace agreed. “Can I buy candy?”
“You're evil,” Lorelai grinned. “I like it.”
“It's all about the Benjamins,” Luke nodded.
“Go figure,” Lorelai mused as Grace and Xander ogled their payoffs. “Seven months of begging and pleading with them to give the babies a chance, and all it took was a bribe that will barely buy them a side of fries at Luke's.”
“I may have just bought a one-way ticket to hell,” Luke grinned, “But I also bought myself at least a day of blissful silence from the gruesome twosome here.”
“Smart man,” Lorelai laughed. “Very smart man.”
Chapter 31: There's A Fungus Among Us
Lorelai stirred in her sleep. She frowned and opened one eye as she focused on the muffled cries coming from the twins' bedroom through the baby monitor. She roused herself a little and listened intently. “Sam,” she mumbled decisively, and reached over to give a slumbering Luke a shake.
“Hmm?” He moaned, rolling away from Lorelai.
Lorelai shook Luke a little harder. “Sam,” she murmured. “Your turn.”
“Huh?” Luke asked groggily. “Sam? Oh. My turn,” he sighed, slowly sitting up. Luke rubbed his forehead. “I've got a headache,” he groaned as he stood up.
Lorelai didn't respond. She had already dozed off again.
Luke shuffled to the twins' room, rubbing his throbbing hip. “Keep your diaper on,” he muttered as Sam's cries grew louder to herald Luke's arrival. “Okay, kid, what's the deal?” Luke asked as he bent over the crib. He executed a quick diaper status check. “All dry,” he whispered. “Must be chow time.” Luke lifted Sam from the crib, cringing as he heard Drew snuffle loudly and begin to whimper on the other side of the room.
“Good timing,” Luke sighed. He leaned close to the baby monitor. “Hey Lorelai, your turn. Come get your son, sunshine.” Luke chuckled as he heard Lorelai's groan of protest float down the hall. “Calm down, guys,” Luke whispered. He crossed the room to Drew's crib, gently bouncing Sam in one arm and stroking Drew's head with his free hand. “Calm down, I've called for back up.”
Lorelai stumbled blearily into the dark room. “Dolby surround sound,” she grumbled as she steered herself toward Drew's crib.
“I'll serve up some drinks,” Luke yawned, grimacing at the dull thud behind his eyes. Luke carried Sam down to the kitchen. He squinted as he flipped the light switch up and harsh light flooded the room. “Ow,” Luke muttered, trying to get his leg to loosen up and allow him some semblance of speed in the bottle warming process.
“We're going to need hearing aids soon,” Lorelai grouched as she carried a screaming Drew into the kitchen. “These two can really belt it out.” Luke nodded, and checked the temperature of the baby formula. He handed Lorelai a bottle, grabbed one for him and Sam, and slumped into the living room, flopping onto the couch. He began to feed Sam, and Lorelai followed suit, dropping onto the couch and giving Drew his bottle. “Silence,” she breathed gratefully.
“Is it cold in here?” Luke asked, fidgeting in his seat.
“Nope,” Lorelai yawned. “You cold?”
“No,” Luke snarked. “I'm just doing a general survey, trying to feel out the global warming crisis.”
“Grumpy,” Lorelai scowled. “You don't look so good. You're sweating. How are you sweating if you're cold?”
“Overactive sweat glands?” Luke shrugged.
Lorelai reached over and placed her hand on Luke's forehead. Drew grunted in displeasure at the shift in position. “You're burning up, babe,” Lorelai gasped.
“I am?” Luke asked. “I just have a headache, that's all.”
“And a fever,” Lorelai reminded him. “You're sick, my man.”
“I'm fine,” Luke argued, propping Sam upright for a burping.
“Call Caesar,” Lorelai ordered. “You can't go to work with a fever.”
“I'm fine,” Luke insisted. “It's okay, I just feel a little crappy.”
Luke and Lorelai heard a soft moan and looked up at the top of the stairs at the source of the moaning.
“What's up, tiger?” Lorelai asked as Xander slunk down the stairs and limped toward the couch.
“Tummy hurts,” Xander sniffled, rubbing his eyes. “I throwed up,” he continued, climbing up next to Lorelai and collapsing against her.
“Aw, hon,” Lorelai frowned. “Where did you throw up?”
“Miss Kitty,” Xander moaned.
“Miss Kitty?” Luke repeated. “Are you using Miss Kitty as a landmark or a scene of the crime in this instance?”
“Throwed up on Miss Kitty,” Xander wept weakly.
“Well, that's disturbing,” Lorelai shuddered. “Did you at least make a concerted effort to not puke on Miss Kitty?”
“Uh huh.” Xander nodded.
“As long as you tried to miss,” Luke replied, shaking his head.
“Well, it looks like both of my big boys are down for the count,” Lorelai said, watching Luke and Xander both slump down further into the couch, misery etched on their faces.
“Tummy hurt?” Xander queried, staring mournfully at Luke.
“Uh huh,” Luke finally confessed.
“Yuck,” Xander sympathized.
Lorelai left the boys and Sam on the couch to put Drew back to bed. She hunted down Miss Kitty Fantastico and cleaned her up as best as the cat would allow, and returned to the living room to retrieve a now sleeping Sam from Luke.
“Perfect timing,” Luke gulped as Lorelai lifted Sam from his arms. Luke's face turned sickly white as he leapt from the couch and tried to run for the bathroom. Xander flopped over onto his side on the couch.
Lorelai climbed the steps with Sam, wincing as she heard the echoes of Luke violently losing the contents of his stomach. “Gonna be a long day,” she thought as she laid the girl back into her crib.
Lorelai called Caesar to warn him that Luke was out of commission, and herded the wobbly patients back to Luke and Lorelai's bedroom. She grabbed a small waste basket and set it by the bed in case of an emergency, and pulled the comforter over Luke and Xander. Both were shivering, but sweaty as they were overtaken by their sudden illness.
“My poor boys,” Lorelai murmured, watching Xander thrash around, trying to get comfortable enough to fall back asleep. No sooner had Lorelai closed her eyes, she felt Xander sit bolt upright in bed.
“Throw up!” Xander yelped, panicking and throwing his hands over his mouth. Lorelai sprang into action, grabbing the waste basket from the floor beside her, and maneuvering it underneath Xander's chin just in time.
“Aw, geez,” Luke moaned, rolling out of bed and stumbling to the bathroom with his hand clasped over his own mouth. Lorelai rolled her eyes, listening to Luke and Xander retch miserably, in unison. “Mike and Ike, they yutz alike,” she muttered as she wiped Xander's mouth with a tissue.
“Yuck,” Xander whimpered pathetically. Luke dragged himself back into the bedroom, holding two Dixie cups in his hands. He handed a cup to Xander. “Sip it,” Luke moaned, sipping at his own cup of water.
They sat up for the rest of the pre-dawn hours. Luke and Xander alternated turns hovering over the toilet or the waste basket.
The twins began to stir as the sun began to rise, and both began to wail at the top of their lungs.
“I'll get them,” Lorelai sighed.
“I'll help,” Luke whispered, rolling a temporarily sleeping Xander into the middle of the bed.
“You're sick, Luke,” Lorelai said. “I'll be fine.”
“I'll help,” Luke insisted, grabbing Lorelai's shoulder for support. Luke grabbed the closest baby and carried Drew to a changing table as Lorelai grabbed a set of onesies out for the pair. She threw one at Luke, pulled Sam out of her crib, and set about getting the girl ready for the day as Luke struggled to stay upright as he changed Drew.
“Downstairs?” Lorelai asked as they finished up.
Luke shook his head. “Bed,” he gasped.
“I should keep the babies away from you guys,” Lorelai scowled as they walked back to the bedroom.
“They infected us,” Luke reminded Lorelai.
“Bad babies,” Lorelai scolded lightly, kissing Sam on the head. “Keep your germs to yourself.”
Luke collapsed back into the bed, laying Drew on his chest. “Feel awful,” he scowled.
“Me too,” Xander murmured sleepily.
Lorelai cuddled Sam as the boys moaned pitifully.
“Throw up!” Xander announced yet again.
“Crap,” Lorelai muttered, trying to pick up the waste basket with one hand. She swung it around and tried to stick it underneath Xander's chin, but she ended up thumping him in the forehead.
“Ow,” Xander sulked between retches.
“Sorry,” Lorelai cringed. “Man, this is going to be a long day.”
“Sorry,” Luke muttered as he too decided it was time to be sick again. He laid Drew on his back in between Xander and Lorelai and made his break for the bathroom.
“Throw up!” Xander wept, sitting up again.
“Geez,” Lorelai moaned. She laid Sam next to Drew and grabbed the waste basket yet again, and rubbed Xander's back as he was sick again. “We've got to come up with a better system than this,” she sighed, as Luke returned to the bed.
“Can't get any worse,” Luke said shakily as he picked up Drew and lay back down with him.
“You jinxed it,” Lorelia cringed. “You should have learned by now to never...”
“Mommy?” Grace called from the doorway.
“Yeah, sweetie, you up already?” Lorelai replied.
“My belly hurts,” Grace frowned as she slumped toward the bed.
“Oh boy,” Lorelai sighed. “Climb on up, kiddo, you're about to join the Blowachunck Express.”
“You too?” Luke groaned as Grace climbed over Xander.
“Belly,” Grace whimpered, curling up into a ball.
“This is a cluster..” Luke groaned.
“Watch it, bub,” Lorelai growled, cutting Luke off.
“Well, it is,” he shrugged.
Sam began to fuss in Lorelai's arms. “Damn,” Lorelai whispered. “Hon, they're going to be hungry again. Can you take care of them long enough for me to heat up some bottles?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded, swallowing hard. “I'll keep it under control. I think.”
“I think I'm going to throw up,” Grace moaned.
“Bathroom!” Luke and Lorelai shouted.
Grace rolled out of bed and ran to the bathroom.
“Oh my god,” Lorelai sighed. “I'll be right back. Xander, you aim for the basket if you get sick.”
“Kay,” Xander agreed weakly.
Lorelai heated up two bottles and returned to the bedroom.
“Thank god,” Luke groaned, laying Drew down and making a run for it.
Lorelai started to feed Sam, but Drew began to wail as soon as Luke laid him down. Lorelai grabbed a pacifier off the end table to give to Drew, but he spat it out.
“Double damn,” Lorelai muttered as Luke collapsed back into bed.
“I can't sit up,” he whispered defeatedly.
“Okay, I can't do this,” Lorelai moaned. “Too many sick people, too many babies, not enough me.”
“Give me a bottle,” Luke slurred, trying to keep his eyes open.
“You can barely stay conscious,” Lorelai scolded.
“I'm...fine,” Luke replied, shuddering violently.
“Just, lay here for a second,” Lorelai said, her brain working overtime as she tried to find a solution. Lorelai hurried downstairs, Sam balanced in one arm, bottle stuck under her chin. Liz and TJ weren't available, Babette and Maury were on a cruise, Michel wasn't even an option, and Sookie was definitely needed at the inn if Lorelai couldn't show up. She needed help, ASAP. Lorelai groaned, and stared at the phone.
“Lorelai!” she heard Luke call from upstairs. “Running out of self-control!” Luke pleaded.
“Crap,” Lorelai muttered and picked up the phone. “Can't believe I'm doing this," she muttered as she waited for an answer.
“Hello?” the voice on the other end answered.
“Hi,” Lorelai said impatiently. “Um, need a big favor.”
“Lorelai?” Emily asked. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”
Lorelai rolled her eyes. “I do Mom, I'm in a bind. I'm sorry. I have to ask you a huge, huge favor.”
“What?” Emily asked. “Is something wrong? Is Luke in jail?”
“Why would Luke be in jail?” Lorelai cried. “They're sick. They're all sick. And the babies are on the exact same schedule, which means they both want to eat at the same time, and poop at the same time, and Luke can barely hold his head up, much less hold a baby, and Xander's puking, and Grace is puking, and Luke is puking, and the babies are hungry, and I only have two hands, Mom!” Lorelai gasped.
“What do you need?” Emily asked.
“Brace yourself, Emily,” Lorelai grinned.
“For what?” Emily asked.
“For this,” Lorelai replied. “Mommy! Please come, I need help, please, please, please come and help me, I love you, Mommy!” she begged.
Emily laughed in surprise. “I'll be there as quickly as I can, Lorelai,” she replied, pleased.
“Thank you, Mom,” Lorelai sighed. “You are my new best friend.”
Chapter 32: Emily Gilmore, Superstar
“Thank god you're here,” Lorelai gasped, throwing open the front door.
“I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner,” Emily apologized, flinching in surprise as Lorelai flung her arms around Emily. “What do you need me to do?” she asked, patting Lorelai on the back.
“Pick a baby, any baby,” Lorelai moaned wearily. “Plenty of poo to go around.”
“Oh dear,” Emily said,clearing her throat as she glanced around at the messy living room. Drew and Sam were belted in their baby swings. Sam whimpered softly as Drew wailed as loud as his lungs would allow. “They're utterly miserable, are they sick as well?”
“No, they were sick a few days ago, but they've been better,” Lorelai sighed. “They're just so unbelievably cranky today. They must sense a disturbance in the force, or something, because Mommy just can do no right today.”
“Have you checked their diapers?” Emily asked, unbuckling Sam's safety belt and lifting her from her seat.
“Every hour,” Lorelai explained. “If they're not hungry, they're pooing, if they're not pooing, they're just angry at the world. They're very goth, big with the angst today. I think Sam's first words are going to be 'I want to see a therapist, Mommy, I have anxiety'. She's the crankiest of the two.”
“And Luke isn't able to help?” Emily queried as she began to change Sam's diaper.
Lorelai bent over and picked up Drew, laying him on a changing mat on the floor. “He keeps trying,” Lorelai smiled. “Poor guy kept trying to keep tabs on a baby, but he's up every two seconds. It's just futile. He needs to rest, he's just as bad off as Xan and Gracie. I brought the twins down here so they all could catch a little shut eye, if at all possible.”
“And Grace?” Emily asked, nodding at the other end of the couch where Grace dozed fitfully, curled up in a tight ball underneath a fleece throw.
“She was getting motion sickness from all the thrashing around and jumping up and down Luke and Xan have been doing. It's like Cirque du Soleil up there, with all the acrobatics those boys are doing to get to the bathroom in time,” Lorelai smirked. “She's handling the illness more, well...gracefully than those two.”
“It's no wonder, really,” Emily sniffed as she picked up a freshly diapered Samantha. “She's a girl. There simply is nothing worse than a man with the flu. Your father gets the sniffles, and you would think he was just diagnosed with the bubonic plague.”
Lorelai laughed. “Men are wusses.”
“Yes, they are,” Emily cooed at Sam as she cuddled the girl in her arms. “Men are not good patients, are they?”
Sam gurgled happily at Emily.
“Oh my god,” Lorelai whispered reverently. “You made her smile. How did you make her smile? I was ready to start flinging Prozac at her.”
“They sense the tension,” Emily murmured.
“I'm not tense,” Lorelai retorted. “I'm just a little overwhelmed at the moment.”
“I didn't mean that you were upsetting them,” Emily retracted. “I simply meant that babies are very sensitive to their environment. I only meant that they can sense that Luke and the children are ill, and that you are understandably frazzled.”
“Sorry,” Lorelai muttered. “My nerves are shot. I'm sorry I snapped at you.”
Lorelai picked up Drew and carried him to the chair. “Hi Doo,” Lorelai smiled. “Is my little Doo an unhappy camper?” Drew let out a pitiful cry and jammed his fist in his mouth in response.
“Doo?” Emily sighed. “Really, Lorelai, the names you call these babies.”
“Blame it on Xander,” Lorelai grinned. “Are you going to tell your grandson that you don't approve of such a nickname?”
“No,” Emily reluctantly admitted. “I seem to have lost all ability to say 'no' when it comes to your children.”
“Join the club,” Lorelai replied, rolling her eyes. “And Luke? He's Mister Gruff And Intimidating Father Guy, until someone sticks out a lower lip. Then he just melts into a big puddle of goo. The last time Xander got a splinter, I thought Luke was going to curl up in the fetal position and start sucking his thumb.”
“He's a good father,” Emily nodded, fussing with Sam's onesie. “He spoils Grace shamelessly,” she added with a knowing smile.
“He is at that,” Lorelai whispered, kissing Drew's cheek. “And yes, Gracie is spoiled rotten.”
Grace stirred on the couch, flopping on her back and moaning softly.
Lorelai walked over to Grace and felt her forehead and cheeks. “How are you feeling, baby?” she murmured as Grace blearily opened her eyes.
“Yucky,” Grace groaned.
“That's the word of the day,” Lorelai sympathized. “Look who's here.”
Grace raised her head. “Hi, Grammy,” she smiled weakly, dropping her head back on the pillow.
“Hello, Gracie,” Emily smiled. “I'm sorry you don't feel well.”
“Uh huh,” Grace sighed in agreement.
“Let me get you some water,” Lorelai said, and went to get Grace a drink.
“Don't want water,” Grace grumped.
“You need water,” Emily frowned. “It will help you get better.”
“Water?” Grace asked suspiciously.
“Yes, you need hydration,” Emily argued.
“Dration?” Grace repeated, still not accepting Emily's argument.
“If you don't get hydration, Mommy will have to take you to the hospital,” Emily explained.
“No,” Grace pouted. “Don't like the hospital. They stick you with things.”
“Then drink your water,” Emily concluded as Lorelai brought Grace's drink to her.
“Sip it slowly,” Lorelai murmured. “Don't gulp.”
Grace sipped her water, eying Emily warily.
“Good girl,” Emily smiled.
Lorelai stared at Emily. “Are you sure you aren't looking for a part time nanny gig?” she asked, shaking her head. “This girl won't drink anything that isn't purple without a fight.”
Emily laid Sam back in her rocker. “I think they've settled down for the time being,” she noted, stroking Sam's forehead as the little girl closed her eyes.
“Yeah,” Lorelai replied. “There may be a god after all.” She put Drew in his rocker and turned the knob. Drew yawned as his seat began to sway, and the boy quickly drifted off to sleep.
“Go lay down,” Emily whispered to Lorelai.
“I'm fine,” Lorelai said, shaking her head. “Besides, Gracie is up.”
“I'll watch Gracie, and if the babies wake up, I'll come and get you. Get some rest,” Emily insisted, sitting down on the couch and allowing Grace to lay her head in her lap.
“Thanks,” Lorelai sighed. “Come get me, even if they just snore funny.”
“I will,” Emily smiled, stroking Grace's tangled curls.
Lorelai stumbled upstairs and climbed into bed. She felt Xander's forehead, feeling a little relief when she realized he wasn't as warm as he had been the last time she checked. Lorelai yawned and curled up on her side, grateful to be off her feet.
Luke stirred in his sleep and looked at Lorelai, his eyes still shining with fever. “Babies?” he asked weakly.
“Emily is here,” Lorelai replied.
“Emily?” Luke asked, rubbing his eyes fiercely.
“She's helping,” Lorelai explained.
“Helping?” Luke groaned. “Emily? Am I hallucinating?”
“Quite possibly,” Lorelai remarked. “Don't question it, just go with it. Feeling any better?”
Luke shook his head slowly. “I can't believe I got sick.”
“Maybe if you drank more coffee and ate more cheeseburgers, you'd be as strong and healthy as I am,” Lorelai taunted.
“Don't mention food,” Luke gagged.
“Sorry,” Lorelai said. “Xander still puking?”
“Not for a little while now,” Luke muttered.
“You?” Lorelai asked.
“Crap,” Luke muttered, rolling out of bed and stumbling for the bathroom.
“I take that as a 'yes',” Lorelai groaned, pulling the comforter over her head.
Luke slumped back to the bed. He sat down and bent over as he was struck with a severe bout of coughing.
“Where did that come from?” Lorelai frowned.
“What, the coughing?” Luke wheezed.
“Yes, when did you start that up? Nobody else is coughing,” Lorelai pressed, concerned.
“Came from my lungs,” Luke shrugged. “Just another twist in this spectacular day, I guess. Been coughing for a while, now.”
“Hon, you need to go to the doctor,” Lorelai argued.
“I'm fine,” Luke sighed, burying his face in his pillow.
“No, you're not,” Lorelai retorted. “The babies are slowly getting better, and you're getting worse.”
“It's because I'm wallowing in Xander sick-making cooties,” Luke snarked.
“Shush,” Lorelai scolded. “You're going to the doctor, and that's final.”
“Damn it,” Luke muttered.
“Go call now,” Lorelai ordered, glaring at Luke.
Lorelai got up and helped Emily feed the twins and change diapers before they left. “You call me if you need anything, or if anyone starts getting worse,” Lorelai instructed as she shepherded Luke through the front door. They returned about an hour and a half later.
“What's the diagnosis?” Emily asked as Lorelai dragged Luke back into the house.
“Bronchitis,” Lorelai sighed. Luke sulkily held up a pharmacy bag as evidence.
“Oh dear,” Emily said sympathetically as Luke collapsed on the couch, coughing miserably.
“Poppy's even sicker,” Grace pouted.
“Yeah,” Luke rasped. “Yippee.”
“Poor Daddy,” Xander replied.
“Hey, look who's up on his feet,” Lorelai exclaimed. “How's your belly, Xan?”
“Okay,” Xander shrugged. He and Grace sat on the couch near Luke, slurping on popsicles.
“No puking?” Lorelai asked Emily hopefully.
“They haven't gotten sick since you've been gone,” Emily nodded. “I think you may be out of the woods.” Emily looked warily at Luke. “Mostly out of the woods, anyway.”
“I'm fine,” Luke hacked.
“And the twins?” Lorelai asked, peering at the twosome as they swung contentedly in their rockers.
“Just fine, now,” Emily replied. “Cuddled, diapered, and pacified.
“Oh my god,” Lorelai sighed, slumping into the nearest chair. “I didn't think we were going to survive this day.”
“I do believe you'll live to see another day,” Emily smiled.
“Maybe SHE will,” Luke groaned, slouching down in his seat with Grace and Xander snuggling up next to him.
“Do you need me to spend the night?” Emily asked, frowning at Luke as he was wracked with another bout of coughing.
“I think we will be fine, once the babies go to bed,” Lorelai murmured. “Big kids are recovering, little kids are mellowing out, seems like I only need to worry about Mr. Infected Lungs over here now.”
“I'm fine,” Luke moaned.
“Shush, you,” Lorelai scolded. “You're diseased. That means you're not fine.”
“I'll stay until everyone gets to bed at least,” Emily offered. “And if you need me tomorrow...”
“I may call you even if I don't need you, Mom,” Lorelai laughed. “I'm ready to build an altar to you in the kitchen. Make a burnt offering in your honor. Where's Miss Kitty at?” Lorelai joked.
“Don't be morbid, Lorelai,” Emily sighed.
“Okay, I won't,” Lorelai grinned. “But seriously, Mom?”
“Yes?” Emily asked.
“You're a lifesaver. I mean it. Thank you...for today,” Lorelai said sincerely.
“I'm glad I could be of help,” Emily smiled as Lorelai swept her into another hug.
Chapter 33: Is There A Doctor In The House?
Lorelai stumbled down the stairs, two empty bottles in her hand. She tiptoed through the darkened living room toward the kitchen, cringing as Luke emitted a series of loud, wet coughs in his sleep. She deposited the bottles into the sink and crept back into the living room. Luke was lying on the couch, his ragged breathing betraying his sickness. Lorelai leaned over and rested her hand gently on Luke's forehead, frowning at the warmth still emanating from him.
Luke stirred in his sleep at Lorelai's touch. “Babies?” he slurred sleepily.
“They're fine,” Lorelai whispered. “Fresh diapers, food in their bellies.”
“Sorry,” Luke rasped, coughing again.
“You're sick, it's fine,” Lorelai assured Luke, sitting on the floor next to the couch. “The twins were kind enough to assembly line their eating and pooing, so everything went smoothly.”
“I can help,” Luke offered weakly, shivering even though a film of sweat shined on his face.
“You can barely sit upright,” Lorelai frowned. “I don't like Sick Luke. He worries me too much.”
“Sorry,” Luke smiled. “It doesn't happen very often.”
“I don't think I've ever seen you sick as long as I've known you,” Lorelai mused. “Try not to let that happen again.”
“Okay,” Luke laughed, grimacing at the rattle in his chest.
“Ew,” Lorelai muttered. “That's disturbing.”
“Sorry if my gooey lungs offend you,” Luke snarked, yawning as Lorelai pulled his blanket up over his chest.
“I'll survive,” Lorelai shrugged, making sure Luke was tucked in. “You don't have to sleep down here, you know.”
“Too noisy,” Luke murmured as he closed his eyes. “I'll wake everyone up if I sleep upstairs.”
“I miss you,” Lorelai pouted. “Hurry up and get less cough-y. Need my snuggly hubby next to me.”
Luke nodded as he began to drift back to sleep. “I will,” he whispered.
“Night, Babe,” Lorelai whispered, kissing Luke's forehead before she rose and returned to bed.
Luke slept through the rest of the night, aided by the medications prescribed by his doctor. Luke finally began to be aware of noises around him, and sensed that it was morning. He frowned, eyes still closed as he tried to find the motivation to rouse himself. Luke's first partially coherent thought was that he felt as though he had a hangover. Luke tried to open his eyes, but was still trapped in the haze between sleep and awake and only succeeded in a fluttering of the eyelids. Luke sighed and rolled onto his side, ready to accept defeat, and he allowed himself to begin to drift back to sleep. Suddenly, he was confronted by harsh light. Luke tried to focus on the source of the light, but his vision was blurred by medication and fever.
“Huh?” Luke moaned as the harsh light persisted.
“Hi Daddy,” Xander said cheerfully, his nose almost touching Luke's nose.
“Hmm?” Luke grunted, trying to blink rapidly. He was unable to blink his eyelids, and stared at Xander, confused. Luke finally put two and two together. “Xan?” he whispered.
“Uh huh?” Xander asked, his head cocked to the side as he regarded his drowsy father.
“Leggo,” Luke grunted. “You're touching my eyeball.”
Xander removed his fingers from Luke's eyelids. Luke snapped his eyes shut. “Interesting wake up call,” Luke grunted. “It's more polite to let people open their eyes on their own, for the record.”
“You awake?” Xander asked, climbing up on Luke's belly.
“I am now,” Luke wheezed. “Watch it there, kid, can't breathe, and the gut is killing me.”
“Sorry,” Xander replied, sliding down to the edge of the couch cushion. “Yucky?” he queried.
“Still yucky,” Luke nodded, coughing loudly to emphasize the point.
“Be back,” Xander said, and disappeared from the couch.
“Hey, Baby, you up?” Lorelai asked, walking into the living room with a cup of coffee in her hand.
“Yup,” Luke sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Xander Standard Time must have kicked in.”
“Hey,” Lorelai shrugged. “I kept him at bay for an hour now. I'm only human.”
“Twins up?” Luke asked, looking over at the baby swings.
“Up and gone,” Lorelai smiled. “Took them to the babysitters for the day. Gracie's at school, so it's just you and me, kid, plus the spawn upstairs.”
“Your spawn just tried to poke my eyes out,” Luke groaned.
“It happens,” Lorelai beamed. “Want some tea?”
“Sure,” Luke sighed, pulling the blanket up over his head, as Lorelai went back out into the kitchen to brew the tea. He lay still as he listened to Xander pad softly down the stairs, hoping he'd be able to just fall back asleep without incident. It only took about ten seconds for Luke to realize the futility of that hope.
Xander walked up to Luke and yanked the blanket from Luke's face. “Hi Daddy,” Xander enthused, as though it was the first time he had seen Luke that morning.
“Hi, Xan,” Luke smiled wearily.
Xander picked something up from the floor and plopped it onto the coffee table.
“What do you have there?” Luke asked warily between coughs.
“A bag,” Xander murmured distractedly.
“A bag of what?” Luke grinned.
“Important things,” Xander explained, turning around to face Luke.
“Oh, man,” Luke laughed. Xander had brought his doctor play set downstairs. He stood before Luke, sliding on a head band with a reflective disk centered on his forehead. Xander solemnly picked up his toy stethoscope and inserted the buds into his ears.
“Do you take my insurance?” Luke chuckled as Xander snaked the stethoscope down Luke's shirt.
“Shh,” Xander hissed, frowning deeply.
“What's the diagnosis,” Luke whispered.
“You're deaded,” Xander gasped.
“How is that?” Luke snorted.
“No heart,” Xander explained.
“You're on the wrong side, ya goof,” Luke laughed, sliding the stethoscope into the correct location.
“Oh,” Xander breathed in relief. “There it is.”
“Think I'll make it?” Luke wheezed, coughing fitfully.
“Maybe,” Xander muttered. “Here,” he added, jamming a toy thermometer into Luke's mouth.
“Oof,” Luke grunted as Xander stabbed him under the tongue. Xander picked up another toy as Luke patiently waited for the thermometer to be removed, and began to inspect Luke's ears.
“You got hair,” Xander giggled.
“Im mah air?” Luke asked around the thermometer.
“Uh huh,” Xander snickered.
“Don tear yer mahm,” Luke grunted, winking at Xander. Xander pulled the thermometer out of Luke's mouth and studied it. “Twenty,” he nodded and stuck the thermometer back into his bag.
“Twenty?” Luke queried. “My temperature is twenty?”
“Yup,” Xander confirmed.
“No wonder I'm freezing,” Luke muttered. He watched warily as Xander pulled a small hammer out of the bag. “Watch it with that thing,” Luke growled.
Xander pushed the blanket away from Luke's leg and tapped his father's knee.
“Ow,” Luke yelped. “That's my bum leg, you bully.”
“It's fine,” Xander retorted.
“That you're beating me with a Fisher Price weapon, or my reflexes are fine?” Luke sighed.
“Knee is good,” Xander clarified.
“Thank god,” Luke groaned.
“Need a shot,” Xander said sadly, pulling out a fat plastic syringe.
“Goody,” Luke replied, wincing as Xander poked him in the arm. “That thing's kind of sharp,” Luke frowned. “I'm taking a file to that.”
“You're sick,” Xander scolded. “Can't work.”
“Hence the sleeping on the couch,” Luke reminded Xander.
“Stay there,” Xander instructed, pulling something out of the bag. “Take these,” he continued. “This is medicine.”
“Medicine?” Luke asked, holding out his hand. Xander pulled out a tube of M&Ms, shaking a handful into Luke's palm. Luke grimaced, wondering how old the candy must be, and dutiful popped them in his mouth.
“Better?” Xander asked expectantly.
“Much,” Luke gagged, trying to swallow the stale candies.
“What are you two doing?” Lorelai asked, carrying a cup of tea.
“Playing doctor,” Xander explained, packing up his equipment.
“House call,” Luke shrugged, trying to sit upright. “Thanks,” he murmured, taking the tea from Lorelai.
“I”m going to walk down to meet Gracie, she's walking home with Alicia and her mom,” Lorelai asked.
“We'll be fine,” Luke nodded as Lorelai grabbed her coat.
“Be back in a couple minutes,” Lorelai replied, kissing Luke's forehead, and heading out the door.
“Gracie's coming home,” Xander sang. “Get to eat lunch soon.”
“Grace signifies food to you, huh?” Luke asked.
“Want a sammich,” Xander nodded, sitting next to Luke.
Luke grabbed the remote control and turned on the television set. He flipped through the channels, and cringed as he lingered too long on a channel due to a coughing spell.
“Thomas!” Xander cheered. “Toot toot!”
“Guess we're watching the train,” Luke sighed, slouching down in his seat. Xander laid his head down in Luke's lap and watched Thomas The Tank Engine, enraptured. Luke watched the show quietly, trying not to fall asleep before Lorelai got back.
“I'm home!” Grace screeched as she bounded into the house.
“Sammiches!” Xander bellowed happily.
“Hi Poppy,” Grace squealed, hurling herself into Luke's arms. “Still yucky?”
“Still,” Luke smiled, kissing Grace on the top of her head. “Good day in school?”
“I'm going to whip up some lunch,” Lorelai announced. “Come on Xander, help me make some sammiches.”
“Yay!” Xander cried, and ran after Lorelai as she made her way into the kitchen.
“Kid likes his sammiches,” Luke shrugged.
“Look what I made, Poppy,” Grace said, pulling a paper out of her book bag.
“Wow,” Luke replied, staring quizzically at Grace's artwork. “What the hell is that?”
“Heck,” Grace corrected automatically.
“What the heck is that?” Luke rephrased.
“It's a snowflake,” Grace sighed.
“Oh,” Luke said. “It looked kind of like a Rorschach test. But I see the snowflake now. Pretty.”
“And this,” Grace continued, producing a piece of poster board.
“Macaroni art,” Luke smiled. “Very sophisticated.”
“It's a ballerina,” Grace explained.
“But if you turn it this way, it looks like a water buffalo,” Luke teased.
“Stop it, Poppy,” Grace groaned.
Luke shrugged apologetically as he covered his mouth and coughed. “Sorry,” he croaked.
“And I made these,” Grace carried on, pulling out two more sheets of paper.
“What are these?” Luke asked.
“We read a story about grandpas and grandmas, so we drew pictures of our grandpas and grandmas,” Grace explained. “That's us at Grammy and Gramp's house.”
“What are we doing?” Luke asked, trying to decipher the crayon strokes.
“Friday night dinner,” Grace sighed wearily. “See the cake?”
“I do see it,” Luke nodded. “Sorry, bronchitis makes your eyesight go funny.”
“Nuh uh,” Grace argued.
“What's this picture?” Luke asked.
“That's Grandma and Grandpa Danes and you and Aunt Lizzie camping,” Grace explained. “I made it up. 'Cause I don't know what they look like. But you said you went camping sometimes.”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded, smiling sadly at the picture. “Is Grandpa wearing a baseball cap?”
“Uh huh,” Grace nodded.
“Why?” Luke laughed.
“'Cause Mommy said you look like Grandpa,” Grace replied. “So he must wear baseball caps, too.”
“Good logic,” Luke snorted.
“Was Grandma pretty?” Grace asked.
“Yep,” Luke smiled. “Prettiest mom in the whole, wide world. Tied with your mom for the title, naturally.”
“Did I make her pretty?” Grace frowned.
Luke looked at the picture. “I think you made her just as pretty as I remember her,” he whispered.
“Good,” Grace said with relief. “I was worried.”
“I'll show you some pictures when I get better,” Luke replied. “You did a good job. This is my favorite picture.”
“Thanks,” Grace beamed.
“Grace,” Lorelai yelled from the kitchen. “Get out here and eat before I give your sammich to Paul Anka!”
“Coming,” Grace shouted. “Bye, Poppy,” she said, kissing Luke on the cheek.
“I'm sure we'll meet again sometime soon,” Luke laughed, laying back down on the couch as Grace scurried into the kitchen.
Lorelai walked out into the living room. “Do you want some soup or something, Babe?” she asked.
“Nah,” Luke grunted. “Not very hungry right now.”
Lorelai picked up one of Grace's pictures. “Got a kindergarten version of a slide show, huh?”
“Yep,” Luke sighed. “Know what that is?”
“Ink blot test?” Lorelai grinned.
“Damn,” Luke muttered. “I really AM starting to think like you. It's a snowflake. I'll give you the chance to score bonus points with that knowledge.”
“Why, thank you,” Lorelai laughed. “Better go back and monitor the spawn. God only knows where Xander will manage to shove the peanut butter without proper supervision.
“Hey,” Luke interjected before Lorelai left the room.
“What?” Lorelai asked, turning back to face Luke.
“Those kids of yours?” he began.
“What about them?” Lorelai asked, narrowing her eyes.
“They're pretty damn cool, you know that?” Luke smiled.
“I know,” Lorelai nodded. “Weird, but cool. Take a nap while you can, Cool Hand.”
“Roger that,” Luke grunted, and flung the blanket back over his head.
Chapter 34: Friday Night Fights
“Stop that,” Luke muttered, pushing Sam's hand away from his face.
“Mmm,” Sam scowled, bouncing in her high chair and sticking her spoon back in front of Luke's face.
“No,” Luke insisted. “I really don't want a bite.”
“Mmmm,” Sam growled, louder this time. She shook her spoon at Luke, dropping a noodle onto Luke's leg.
Luke pushed her hand away gently once more. “Eat it yourself,” he hissed. “It's good, I swear.”
“Da!” Drew screeched, feeling left out. He squished a handful of cut up spaghetti tightly in his fist and smacked Luke in the face, missing Luke's mouth by a mile.
“Aw, geez,” Luke muttered, grabbing his napkin and wiping off his cheek. “I don't want spaghetti, take a hint, you guys.”
“Stop picking on your Daddy,” Lorelai grinned. “He has his own dinner to work on.”
“Mumm!” Sam squealed, pushing her bowl haphazardly toward Lorelai.
“Nooo, thank you,” Lorelai replied, pushing the bowl back toward Sam. “That's your food. Nummy!”
“Uck,” Sam frowned, smashing her palm down into the bowl.
“Oh my,” Emily murmured. “They are being downright obstinate this evening.”
“Dat?” Drew asked, shaking a noodle off of his hand and onto the floor. He bent over the side of his high chair, contemplating the lost pasta. “Dat?” he asked again, sitting up and frowning at Luke.
“It's spaghetti, dummy,” Grace sighed.
“Yeah, busghetti, dummy,” Xander chimed in.
“Don't call your brother and sister names,” Lorelai said.
“I just said that,” Grace said grumpily.
“I just said that,” Xander beamed, slurping at his cup of milk.
“Stop it,” Grace warned.
“Stop it,” Xander parroted.
“Children, we're eating,” Richard reminded the pair. “Remember your table manners.”
“He started it,” Grace sulked.
“He started it,” Xander giggled.
“Cut it out, both of you,” Luke growled, redirecting Sam's spoon back to her bowl and away from his nose.
“Xander is a big poophead,” Grace spat.
“Xander is a big...hey!” Xander yelled.
“One more word, and no dessert,” Lorelai said loudly. “Chill out, guys.”
Grace and Xander glowered at each other silently.
“And keep those lips zipped,” Luke added sternly.
“Uck!” Sam cried and dumped her bowl of cut up spaghetti on top of her head.
“Crap,” Lorelai muttered, grabbing a napkin and peeling the sticky noodles out of Sam's hair.
Drew chortled at his twin sister's display and grabbed his own dish.
“Don't even think about it, Doo,” Luke yelped, grabbing Drew's bowl and holding it down against the tray of the high chair.
“Daa!” Drew admonished grumpily.
“That's right,” Luke nodded. “And don't you forget it, kid.”
“Grace, how is school going?” Emily asked, raising her voice to be heard above the din.
“Alexander William Danes, you put that broccoli down,” Lorelai scolded. Xander lowered the piece of broccoli he was holding over his head in a manner that suggested that it was about to become a projectile. “Sorry, Mom,” Lorelai muttered.
“You'd better be planning on eating that, and not doing anything else with that,” Luke warned, pointing a butter knife at Xander.
“He just kicked me!” Grace howled.
“Did not,” Xander retorted.
“He just kicked me,” Grace wailed. “Poppy, he...”
“Lower your voice,” Luke ordered, pointing the butter knife at Grace this time.
“Ornery,” Emily smirked. “Every one of them. Ornery.”
“You're loving this,” Lorelai whispered, smirking back at Emily despite herself.
“I know I am enjoying it immensely,” Richard replied, his eyes twinkling. “Lorelai as a child, multiplied by four. Poetic justice, if I do say so myself.”
“She couldn't have been this evil,” Luke sighed, grabbing Sam's sippy cup as she tried to hurl it at Drew.
“Herdmans,” Lorelai gasped. “We've given birth to the Herdmans.”
“Who?” Emily queried.
“Herdmans,” Lorelai explained. “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever.”
“I have no clue what that is,” Emily frowned.
“They're worse than the Herdmans tonight,” Luke grouched, pulling a noodle out of Drew's ear. “They've crossed the line into being worse than the Bumpuses' dogs.”
“Keep an eye on the turkey,” Lorelai nodded.
“Turkey?” Richard asked, confused.
“I have to pee, Poppy,” Grace announced.
“That's not how you say that,” Luke replied, exasperated.
“May I be please excused to have to go pee?” Grace blurted out, too caught up in her suddenly urgent need to phrase her request more sophisticatedly.
“Oh my god, go...just go,” Luke groaned, burying his face in his hands. Grace rolled out of her seat and fled for the nearest bathroom.
“I don't like this chicken stuff, it's slimy,” Xander pouted, stabbing his chicken with a fork.
“Stop being so rude,” Lorelai moaned. “The pack of wolves who raised you called last night, they said to tell you 'Hey!' if I saw you.”
Sam rubbed her eye with her sauce covered hand and began to cry. “Aw, Sam I Am, did you get spaghetti in your eye?” Lorelai cooed, wiping Sam's face with a napkin. Drew fumbled his sippy cup and it dropped to the floor, prompting him to wail along with Sam.
“Loud babies,” Xander moaned, putting his hands over is ears.
“I'm back!” Grace announced, skipping back into the dining room.
“We were about to send out search parties,” Richard nodded.
“Just remember, you planned these babies,” Emily chuckled as Grace and Xander began to fight again.
“Stop it, Xander,” Grace yelped as Xander stuck his finger in Grace's face.
“Wet Willy!” Xander cried, aiming for Grace's ear.
“Enough!” Luke bellowed, loudly smacking his hands down onto the table.
All four children immediately grew silent.
“That's more like it,” Luke nodded. He picked up his butter knife. “Grace Lynn, you zip it,” Luke said quietly.
“But...” Grace began.
“Zip it!” Luke said loudly. Grace closed her mouth.
“And you, Alexander William, you dry off that finger, and you start behaving like you've been house broken,” Luke growled. Xander wrapped his finger in his napkin and dried it off quickly.
Sam whimpered slightly. Luke turned and faced the girl. “Samantha Emily, quit your pouting right now, and eat your durn spaghetti,” he instructed. Sam picked up a noodle and put it in her mouth, staring at Luke suspiciously the entire time. Luke turned toward Drew. “And finally, you, Andrew Lucas, you quit sticking your food in your ear. And stop fussing. There's starving babies in Africa, or the Congo or something who would be more than happy to have your spaghetti, both of you,” Luke growled, looking back at Sam pointedly. “The rest of this meal will be peaceful, do you all understand me?”
“Oh,” Sam whispered, quickly grabbing another handful of spaghetti and stuffing it into her mouth when Luke turned around to look at her.
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “Don't mess with the Daddy.”
“Wow,” Lorelai whispered reverently. “Big Bad Daddy Luke has spoken.”
Luke nodded. “Eat your food,” he muttered. “No way of telling how long it'll stick.”
“Well,” Emily sighed. “Now might be a good time to discuss something with the two of you, while the inmates aren't so restless.”
“Make it quick,” Lorelai smirked. “The meds may wear off before long.”
“Your anniversary is coming up soon,” Emily pointed out.
“Yep,” Lorelai smiled. “Another year that Luke didn't run off and join a circus.”
“You have your own ready made circus right here,” Richard chuckled.
“Nope, “Luke shook his head. “A circus would be quieter. More relaxing.”
“Do you have plans?” Emily asked.
“Not really,” Lorelai replied.
“Dinner, movie, the usual,” Luke shrugged. “The twins are still too young for us to stray too far from town.”
“Richard and I would like to give you a particular anniversary gift,” Emily continued warily.
“Really?” Lorelai asked. “Aw, Mom, you guys don't have to do anything.”
“We want to,” Richard smiled.
“That's really great,” Luke nodded, “But really, you don't...”
“Just hear us out,” Emily interrupted.
“Okay,” Luke replied.
“We thought it would be nice to treat you two to a weekend away,” Richard explained.
“Huh?” Lorelai asked.
“We've reserved a house for you for your anniversary weekend,” Emily beamed. “Martha's Vineyard. Just you and Luke. What do you think about the idea?”
“Oh, my god,” Lorelai gasped. “Are you serious?”
“We can't accept that,” Luke argued. “That's too...it's really generous, but we...”
“Nonsense,” Richard replied. “Don't be so stubborn, Luke, we just want to do something nice for our daughter and her husband.”
“Are you... are you sure?” Luke asked. “But what about the kids? I don't know if we can find anyone...”
“They can stay with us,” Emily explained. “I promise, no formal parties. I've already given up all hope that Grace will ever carry herself like a lady, and Xander, quite frankly, behaves like a baboon on his best days.”
Xander giggled at the mention of his baboonish ways. Luke shot him a warning glare and Xander quickly quieted down.
“It's true, he does act like a baboon,” Lorelai whispered to Luke. Luke only rolled his eyes in agreement.
“Perhaps we'll take them to the zoo, and see if Xander recognizes any simians,” Richard laughed.
“The zoo!” Grace whispered, avoiding Luke's stare, and covering her mouth with her hand.
“Lorelai? Luke? What do you think?” Emily pressed.
“I think...I think it sounds awesome,” Lorelai grinned. “What do you think, Luke?”
“I think the same thing,” Luke smiled. “Thank you. It's too much, but thank you.”
“Wonderful!” Emily exclaimed. “Oh, I can't wait to show you the pictures of the house. It's lovely, and it's right on the beach. I'm sure you'll love it.”
“Me too,” Lorelai grinned. “Thanks, guys, you have no idea how amazing it will be to have a whole weekend alone with Luke. I don't remember the last time we had a whole ten minutes alone together.”
“Alone?” Luke mused. “What's that like again?”
“I think it's quiet. And peaceful. And there's no spaghetti to be pulled from tiny orifices,” Lorelai explained.
“No Blue's Clues?” Luke asked.
“No drool stains on our shirts,” Lorelai added.
“No diapers,” Luke smiled.
“No crusty noses,” Lorelai laughed.
“No screaming,” Luke sighed.
“No crying,” Lorelai gasped.
“Did I say thank you?” Luke grinned. “Because...well, thank you...a million times, thank you.”
“It's our pleasure,” Richard smiled.
“Wow,” Lorelai breathed. “A real anniversary. What are we even going to do with ourselves?”
Luke grinned at Lorelai, arching an eyebrow at her.
Lorelai giggled. “Oh, right.”
Luke shook his head. “Can't get here quick enough,” he smiled.
“Oh my god, I can't wait,” Lorelai said excitedly. “Mom, you are still my new best friend, you know that?”
Emily smiled at Lorelai. “Remember that when I end up in the hospital suffering from a nervous breakdown after a whole weekend with your children.”
“I'll bring you flowers,” Lorelai promised. “And a designer straitjacket.”
“I can hardly wait,” Emily sighed, rolling her eyes.
“Oh, I have to go shopping,” Lorelai gasped. “I need Vineyard clothing.”
“Like you need an excuse to go shopping,” Luke grunted as he cleaned up Drew.
“Well, no, but still,” Lorelai laughed. “Yay! A whole weekend.”
“Guess I'd better dig up my back country bag now,” Luke grinned.
“No flannel,” Lorelai scolded.
“No coffee,” Luke countered.
“Oh no,” Lorelai argued, wiping the spaghetti off Sam's face. “Okay, a little flannel then.”
Xander sneezed loudly and wiped his nose on his sleeve, snuffling wetly.
“Gross,” Grace squealed.
“Come on, Martha's Vineyard,” Luke sighed.
“From your lips to God's ears,” Lorelai laughed.
Chapter 35: Cool Hand's Cool Hands
“Wow,” Lorelai whispered.
“Nice,” Luke nodded
“Quiet,” Lorelai breathed.
“Besides the waves? Yeah. Quiet.”
“We're all alone,” Lorelai sighed.
“Most people do tend to leave when the sun goes down,” Luke noted.
“We just got here.”
“Never been on a beach at night.”
“We have to make the most of every second, this weekend,” Lorelai murmured.
“Two whole days.” Luke sighed happily as he lounged back, propping himself up with his arms behind him.
“You, me, and one giant bed.”
“What are we going to do in a bed that huge?” Luke asked, flashing Lorelai a lopsided grin.
“Sleep. At least for tonight. Let's be honest, the minute we hit that bed, we're going comatose.”
“Sleeping in tomorrow, too,” Luke planned.
“But tomorrow...”
“Tomorrow? Many dirty things will happen in that bed,” Luke laughed.
“No interruptions,” Lorelai sighed.
“No locking the door.”
“No keeping our voices down.”
“Unscheduled sex. What's that like, again?” Luke asked.
“Spontaneity. I vaguely remember that,” Lorelai nodded.
“Four kids can really squash the spontaneous bug.”
“Do you miss it?” Lorelai asked.
“Sex? Yes. Very much so.”
“No, pervert. The spontaneity,” Lorelai groaned, smacking Luke's arm.
“Sometimes,” Luke admitted.
“Are you bored with me?”
“What?”
“All the mystery is gone,” Lorelai explained. “I'm not the super cute ray of sunshine who used to skip into the diner every day asking for coffee, then vanish, leaving only a pleasant smelling trail of 'girl mystique' behind. You've witnessed too much. PMS, cramps, bloating, bitchiness, mood swings, influenza, yeast infections, razor burn, wisdom tooth extraction, winter itch rashes, childbirth, breast leakage, breast pumps, flatulence, the list goes on and on. And on top of it all, you've watched me dig boogers out of our kids' noses.”
“And sometimes, their hair,” Luke nodded.
“Kind of kills the romance, that's all I'm saying.”
“We're married,” Luke shrugged. “You've seen my nose hair clippers.”
“Yeah, still kind of blows my mind, sometimes,” Lorelai smiled.
“The marriage thing or the nose hair clippers?”
“Both. But mostly the marriage thing,” Lorelai laughed. “So, any regrets?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “Should have done it sooner.”
“Good answer,” Lorelai exclaimed.
“I've learned a thing or two over the years.”
“Like how to suck up?”
“It's a skill worth honing.”
“It suits you,” Lorelai replied.
“Thanks.”
“This is fun,” Lorelai smiled.
“What? Sitting on the beach in the dark, with wet sand creeping into our underpants?
“Us,” Lorelai groaned. “It's fun. Marriage, kids. It's fun. I didn't think it would suit me. But it does. I like us married.”
“It has its moments.”
“You're a good father. And a good husband.”
“Thanks. You're pretty tolerable as a wife, yourself. And you haven't let any of the kids eat rat poison yet, so I guess you're a pretty good mother, too.”
“You're getting even more sarcastic as the years progress.”
“It's a defense mechanism,” Luke grinned. “But, for the record, I love you. No regrets.”
“I love you too, you old fart.”
“Appreciate it.”
“I'm really impressed with the fact that you've only ever lost one kid,” Lorelai smirked.
“Damn it, I thought we were done throwing that in my face,” Luke scowled.
“Sorry,” Lorelai giggled.
“You stepped on Xander's head.”
“He was camouflaged. He blended in with the rug.”
“He's a chameleon now? You stepped on his head. What company manufactures Xander print carpeting?”
“He survived,” Lorelai argued.
“A little brain damage never hurt anyone,” Luke nodded.
“I'm sleepy, are you sleepy?” Lorelai yawned.
“Trying to change the subject?”
“Let's go to bed,” Lorelai decided, standing up.
“Fine, we'll go to bed,” Luke grinned as Lorelai pulled him to his feet.
“Gimp,” Lorelai sighed.
“Abusive mother.”
“Child abandoner.”
“Shut up,” Luke laughed.
“Shutting up now,” Lorelai giggled as Luke wrapped his arm around her shoulder. They walked back to the house in silence.
“Pretty anniversary house,” Lorelai smiled as they walked through the glass doors overlooking the beach.
“Pretty snazzy,” Luke agreed, limping a little as they walked through the living room.
“Leg hurt?” Lorelai asked.
“Walking in the sand isn't my leg's idea of a good time,” Luke shrugged.
“I really like the fireplace,” Lorelai smiled as they climbed the stairs. “Remember to set aside some dirty fireplace time this weekend.”
“Duly noted,” Luke grinned.
“I'm going to take a bath,” Lorelai decided as they entered the bedroom. “A nice bath that doesn't include Spiderman shampoo bottles jumping out at me.” Lorelai wandered into the bathroom and turned on the bath water. Luke laid down on the bed, groaning contentedly as he sank into the plush comforter.
Luke had just begun to drift off to sleep when Lorelai bounded back out into the bedroom. “Babe, you have got to come check out this bath. It's huge. It's like a swimming pool. And it has jets.”
“Jets?” Luke murmured. “No Sharks?”
“Take that lousy joke back before I start singing the Officer Krupkee song,” Lorelai retorted.
“Fine, I take it back,” Luke sighed. “A bath is a bath, you know.”
“Get in here and check it out,” Lorelai sighed, returning to the bathroom.
Luke slowly pulled himself to his feet and padded into the bathroom. Lorelai had candles lit around the sunken in bathtub. “Wow, it really is huge.”
“I told you,” Lorelai said. “You should take a bath with me.”
“Seriously?” Luke groaned. “It smells like fruit in here. I don't want to smell fruity.”
“Fine, I'll take a bath. I don't really have the desire to slide my wet, supple body all over your frontal areas anyway,” Lorelai shrugged as she discarded her bathrobe and tested the water with her toe.
“Hold up,” Luke grunted as he began to loosen his belt. “I can deal with fruity.”
“Thought so,” Lorelai grinned. “Get in first, stud.”
Luke shed his clothing and stepped into the bathtub. “Hot,” he hissed as he sat back against the wall.
“Oh, yeah, baby,” Lorelai giggled as she stepped in, eased herself into a sitting position, and leaned against Luke. “Mmm, now this is living.”
Luke closed his eyes as Lorelai lay her head back against his shoulder. “Okay, I really like this bathtub,” he decided.
“Want the jets?” Lorelai asked.
Luke shrugged. “Sure, why not?”
Lorelai leaned forward and turned on the streams of water.
“Wow,” Luke gasped as Lorelai repositioned herself. “Wow, that really is working for me,” he groaned, sliding down a little further into the hot water.
“Leg?” Lorelai asked.
“My hip is having its own independent orgasm as we speak,” Luke sighed.
“Dirty!” Lorelai laughed. “Not fair, tell your hip to share.”
“A few more minutes of this, and it'll be able to share without any hint of gimpiness,” Luke laughed.
“Yay for jets,” Lorelai smiled, picking up a bath puff and squeezing some shower gel on it.
“Oh, goody, more fruitiness,” Luke groaned.
Lorelai slid down a little and extended her leg, rubbing the foaming puff over her calf. “Mind if I wash up?” she asked.
Luke groaned as he watched Lorelai slowly lather her leg. “Scrub all you want,” he muttered. Lorelai switched legs, pressing up against Luke as she redistributed her weight. Luke bit his lip as Lorelai slid against him.
Lorelai sat up. Luke frowned. “Where are you going?” he whispered.
“Just making sure I'm squeaky clean,” Lorelai murmured. She reached around to take the shower gel bottle in her hand again. Luke's breath caught in his chest as he caught a glimpse of Lorelai's breast as she turned around to place the bottle on the ledge beside her. Lorelai began to lather her arms with the puff, and Luke could only stare at her back, absorbed in her movements. She silently handed Luke the puff, and he very slowly washed her back for her, running the puff up her spine. She lifted her hair so Luke could reach her neck. Lorelai leaned back against Luke again, sliding herself upright against him. Luke sighed happily at the contact.
“Time for the front now,” Lorelai whispered, snaking her arms up over her head and around Luke's neck.
“Shouldn't use a dirty puff,” Luke grunted, grabbing the shower gel and squirting a dollop into his hand.
“Have to be sanitary,” Lorelai nodded.
Luke rubbed the soap into a lather in his hand and reached around Lorelai. He planted his hands on her ribs and slowly began to slide his hands upward.
“Make sure you get me really clean,” Lorelai advised.
“Won't leave a trace of dirt,” Luke promised gruffly as he slid his soapy hands along the underside of Lorelai's breasts. Lorelai moaned softly as Luke explored her breasts with his hands, moving them over her swells and up toward her chest.
“We need to get a bigger bath at home,” Lorelai whispered, squirming as Luke repeatedly cupped her breasts and slid his hands closed until his fingers slid over her nipples, tweaking them gently as he released his hold.
“All clean?” Luke whispered in Lorelai's ears.
“Not yet,” she gasped as Luke began to trace circles around her erect nipples with his soapy fingers.
“I think I like your fruity soap,” Luke growled, engulfing Lorelai's breasts with his hands and squeezing gently.
“Uh huh,” Lorelai gasped. Luke continued to run one hand over Lorelai's breasts as he slowly slid his other hand between Lorelai's legs.
“Dirty down here too?” he whispered as slid his fingers between her folds.
“Very dirty,” Lorelai breathed as Luke pressed his finger to her clit and began to trace circles.
Luke moved his other hand to Lorelai's left nipple, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. Lorelai gasped at the sensation the slippery bubbles added to Luke's ministrations.. Luke released her and slid his hand to her right nipple, repeating the motion. Lorelai moaned, raising her hips as Luke's other hand continued to stimulate her.
“Still sleepy?” Luke murmured as Lorelai's hips undulated against his busy hand.
Lorelai shook her head. “Wide awake,” she panted. “Oh my god, Luke...”
“More?” Luke asked.
Lorelai nodded. “More,” she breathed.
Luke slid Lorelai up his body as he sank down into the water a little more, allowing him better access. Luke slid his right hand further down and slowly inserted his finger into Lorelai.
“Luke,” Lorelai gasped as he began to thrust inside of her with first one finger, then two. Luke allowed his left hand to wander to Lorelai's clit, stroking her on the outside as he penetrated her with the other hand.
“Oh god,” Lorelai wailed, thrusting against Luke's hands.
“Going to come for me?” Luke rasped in Lorelai's ear, before he began to suck fervently on her earlobe.
“Yess,” Lorelai hissed, overcome by Luke's manipulations. “Oh my god,” she moaned as she felt herself begin to clench against Luke's fingers. “I'm going to...Luke...I'm coming,” she gasped as Luke thrust harder with his right hand, stroking her clit more insistently with his left.
“Come for me, Lorelai,” Luke growled. “I want to feel you come.”
“Oh god, Luke!” Lorelai wailed, lost in the clutches of her intense climax. She thrashed against Luke, pushing her head back into his shoulder as she let her orgasm take over.
“God, I can feel it,” Luke moaned, grinding his erection into Lorelai's back. “I can feel you coming, Lorelai.”
“Luke...Luke...Luke,” Lorelai chanted, as she felt herself throb against Luke's hands. “God, I love you,” she moaned collapsing against Luke as she finally regained her senses.
Luke gently rubbed Lorelai's shoulders as she laid against him limply. “You okay there?” he grinned.
Lorelai nodded. “Love this bathtub,” she smiled, running her hand languidly up Luke's thigh.
Lorelai sat up and turned around between Luke's legs, leaning on her knees. Luke closed his eyes as Lorelai reached below the surface of the water and began to stroke Luke. “Good bathtub,” he groaned.
“And I have a whole new respect for the name 'Cool Hand',” Lorelai murmured. She stood up long enough to straddle Luke.
“Watcha doing?” Luke grinned.
“Fair's fair,” Lorelai smiled as she slid herself against Luke's erection. “Are YOU sleepy?”
“Not in the least,” Luke gasped as Lorelai positioned his hardness at her entrance and slid down, engulfing Luke inside of her. “Jeeesus,” Luke moaned as Lorelai began to ride him slowly.
“See? We can still do spontaneous,' Lorelai moaned as she quickened her pace. Luke sat up higher, pulling Lorelai into a crushing kiss.
“Love being inside of you,” he moaned against Lorelai's lips. Luke thrust his tongue into Lorelai's mouth, probing frantically.
“Love you inside of me,” Lorelai gasped as Luke freed her lips and buried his face in her neck, licking and biting the soft flesh beneath her ear. Lorelai rotated her hips, using the bathtub ledge for support.
“Oh, crap,” Luke moaned, collapsing back against the wall. “That's just...that's just...oh my god,” he panted as Lorelai continued to swivel her hips rhythmically.
“Like that?” Lorelai grinned. Luke could only nod. He grasped Lorelai's hips, moaning deeply.
“I'm not going to last long with you doing that,” Luke pleaded.
“That's okay,” Lorelai murmured, feeling herself building toward another climax. “Oh god...uh...we have...Jesus, we have all weekend.”
“All weekend,” Luke growled, thrusting up powerfully into Lorelai. “This is just Round One.”
“Oh yeah,” Lorelai rasped as Luke continued to thrust up into her, quickening his pace. “Oh, Luke,” she moaned.
“Fuck me,” Luke whispered, sliding his hands from Lorelai's waist back toward her ass. “Fuck me, Lorelai,” he pleaded, squeezing her soft skin.
Lorelai leaned forward slightly and planted her hands on Luke's shoulders. She began to ride Luke hard, moaning as she drove herself and Luke both into ecstasy. “Luke,” she wailed. “God, Luke, come with me, Babe,” she pleaded.
“Lorelai,” Luke growled, meeting Lorelai's thrusts with his own deep, upward plunges. “God, Lorelai, I'm coming, are you with me?”
“Luke,” Lorelai cried out, feeling herself clamp down on Luke's cock. “God, I'm coming, oh god, oh god...”
“Jesus,” Luke panted. “Jesus, Lorelai, you're so hot, it's so hot, oh god..” he growled as he felt Lorelai's inner walls clamps onto his pulsating cock. Luke cried out incoherently and thrust wildly up into Lorelai as he exploded within her. Lorelai threw her head back and moaned loudly as Luke chanted her name.
“God,” Lorelai gasped, collapsing, spent, against Luke.
“Uh huh,” Luke panted.
Lorelai kissed Luke lightly on the lips. “Happy Anniversary, Hon,” she grinned.
“Happy Anniversary,” Luke chuckled.
“Sleepy yet?” Lorelai asked.
“Sleepy,” Luke yawned, splashing water at Lorelai.
Lorelai stretched out in the water, trying to summon the energy to get out of the bathtub. “You know what's really great?” she asked, playing with Luke's damp chest hair.
“What's that?” Luke murmured.
“It's only Friday night,” Lorelai giggled. “Just think what we could do with the rest of the weekend.”
“Trust me,” Luke laughed. “I've got plenty of ideas.”
Chapter 36: Sleeping In
“Oh my god,” Lorelai gasped, bolting upright in bed. She looked around in confusion, letting out a forceful breath of air as she oriented herself. Lorelai put her hand over her chest, rolling her eyes at the wild thumping beneath her breast.
“Huh? What?” Luke mumbled, pushing himself up on his elbows. “What's wrong?” he asked, one eye squinted shut.
“Nothing,” Lorelai sighed. “Never mind. I was a little disoriented,” she explained, flopping back onto the bed. “It's 9:30. I woke up and it was 9:30, and nobody was crying.”
“9:30?” Luke asked, rolling over onto his back. “Wow. So this is what sleeping in feels like.”
“I like sleeping in,” Lorelai smiled, laying her head on Luke's chest. “Let's give the kids up for adoption, do this every day.”
“Okay,” Luke nodded. “And we'll sell the diner and the inn, start our new lives as swinging slackers. No worries.”
“We'll move to a tiny hut in the Bahamas,” Lorelai fantasized. “We'll sleep in there. In hammocks.”
“In the Bahamas,” Luke yawned.
“We'll have a cabana boy, naturally,” Lorelai noted.
“Why?” Luke asked.
“To serve us all the liquor we'll be drinking after we sleep in.”
“What about a cabana girl, too?” Luke sighed.
“Why would we need a cabana boy and a cabana girl?” Lorelai frowned.
“Eye candy,” Luke smirked.
“I'm supposed to be the only eye candy you need, at least until death us do part,” Lorelai snarked.
“Fine, no cabana girl. But you have to promise to be naked a lot. Ooh, wait, you have to promise to wear a sarong, and nothing else. A really flimsy sarong,” Luke replied.
“Even in front of the cabana boy?”
“No cabana girl, no cabana boy. It's only fair,” Luke compromised.
“And will you be naked a lot?” Lorelai laughed.
“I'll wear a strategically placed fig leaf,” Luke offered.
“Better be a big fig leaf,” Lorelai grinned, nuzzling Luke's cheek with her nose.
“Don't I know it,” Luke sighed, pulling Lorelai closer.
“Cocky,” Lorelai gasped
“I'll show you cocky,” Luke chuckled, kissing Lorelai.
“Dirty!” Lorelai laughed as Luke nipped his way up her jawline.
“That was my point,” Luke growled, catching Lorelai's earlobe between his teeth.
“Dirty again!” Lorelai giggled.
Luke flopped back against his pillow. “Have I mentioned how great it is not having to change diapers this morning?”
“It's been well over twelve hours since either of us have had to deal with poo,” Lorelai pointed out.
“Or drool,” Luke added.
“Only eighteen more years to go,” Lorelai noted, kissing Luke's shoulder.
“You really think the twins are still going to be crapping in their pants at their high school graduation?” Luke asked quizzically.
“Maybe not,” Lorelai admitted. “Not sure if they'll have the drool under control by then, though.”
“We'll invest in tissues,” Luke decided. “Keep them in steady supply.”
“Should I feel bad about the fact that I'm really happy you got snipped?” Lorelai asked.
“Yes.”
“I'm a bad mother.”
“The worst.”
“Are you sorry you got snipped?” Lorelai asked.
“I'm sorry I had to experience the snipping process. It still gives me the willies,” Luke shuddered. “But the concept behind it? Nah. I'm pretty satisfied with the family we've got.”
“No secret desire to have more?”
“We've done our part for the species. Six kids is more than enough,” Luke shrugged.
“At least Rory and April turned out well,” Lorelai said. “There's hope for the rest of the herd.”
“Rory and April have the benefit of not having to swim in the deep end of our gene pool,” Luke muttered. “The rest of the herd, they're drowning in our mutual weirdness.”
“Good point,” Lorelai nodded. “Hey, let's stop talking shop. We're on a vacation. Sort of, anyway. For the next two days, we are only two grown, consenting adults in a big house by the big ocean, with a big bed just waiting for us to do all kinds of grown up things.”
“No more kid talk,” Luke agreed.
“Good,” Lorelai smiled. “Here's the remote. I”m going to go take a quick shower, then maybe we can go out and find a nice diner and get some brunch.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Luke replied, turning on the tv and settling back into bed.
“Good. Be back in a jiff.”
Luke waited until he heard Lorelai start her shower. He sat up, pulled his cell phone out of the nightstand drawer, and walked out onto the balcony, checking to see that Lorelai was still in the bathroom. He walked away from the door and began to dial.
“Hello?”
“Emily? Hi, this is Luke.”
“Luke? Is anything wrong? Why are you calling?”
“Nothing's wrong, just, uh...checking in. How are the kids? Behaving?”
“They're just fine. They're on their best behavior.”
“That'll only last until about five minutes after you leave the zoo.”
“I'm sure they will be fine. Gracie is here, would you like to speak with her?”
“Sure.”
“Just a moment.”
“Hi, Poppy!”
“Hey, baby girl, how's it going? Having fun with Grammy and Gramp?”
“Uh huh. We're going to the zoo today.”
“I heard. You'll have a blast. Just don't get lost. Stick to your Grammy like glue.”
“Okay.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Cross your heart and hope to die?”
“Stick a needle in Roger Clemens's eye!”
“Okay, I'll take your word for it then. So...be good, and keep the smaller rugrats in line, okay?”
“Miss me, Poppy?”
“Miss you tons, monkey.”
“Miss you too, Poppy. Bring me a present!”
“Maybe. Okay, I'm going to go. Love you.”
“Love you too, Poppy.”
“Bye, kid.”
Luke snapped his cell phone shut and looked over his shoulder guiltily. The bathroom door was still shut, so he crept back into the bedroom and dropped the phone back in the drawer. Luke laid back down on the bed, idly flipping through the television channels until Lorelai emerged from the bathroom, drying her hair with a towel.
“Your turn,” Lorelai muttered. “Make it snappy, I'm starving.”
“Really? You?” Luke snorted as he headed into the bathroom. “I would have never imagined.”
“Ha ha,” Lorelai retorted as Luke shut the bathroom door. She sat on the edge of the bed and ran a comb through her damp curls. As soon as Lorelai heard the shower water running, she grabbed her cellphone off the night stand and dialed a number. Lorelai shot a wary glance at the bathroom door as she waited for an answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Mom, it's me. How are the kids?”
“Lorelai? Why are you calling?”
“I just thought I'd check in, make sure everyone is doing okay.”
“But, I don't understand, I just...”
“Are the twins being good? They're not too much for you are they?”
“They're fine, everyone is fine, I just told....”
“Well, that's good. You guys going to the zoo today?”
“Yes, the same plans we had five minutes ago are still in effect, Lorelai.”
“The house is great, by the way, Mom. Thanks again, Luke and I are having a blast.”
“I see. Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourselves.”
“Okay, well, I'd better go. Give my babies kisses for me.”
“All right, I will. You do realize you don't have to call every five minutes to check in?”
“Huh? What do you mean? I know that. I just thought I'd check in before we started our day.”
“Well, I just thought that Luke was...”
“Oh, hey, Mom, I have to run, Luke's getting out of the shower.”
“Oh, for the love of...all right. Goodbye, Lorelai.”
“Bye, Mom!”
Lorelai closed her cell phone and flung it onto the night stand as Luke came out of the bathroom. “What are you doing?” he muttered as Lorelai jumped back onto the bed.
“Nothing!” Lorelai smiled. “Get dressed, I”ll dry my hair and we can get going already.”
“Hey, uh...you don't think we need to check on the kids, do you?” Luke asked uncertainly.
“Oh, no, why bother?” Lorelai smiled. “They've got Mom and Dad and the entire Gilmore staff looking out for them. No need for us to worry. It's a grown ups only weekend, remember?”
“Yeah,” Luke chuckled. “No kids allowed.”
“Right, so every time you think we should check on the kids, just think to yourself 'what kids?', and then focus on your grown up wife. Things will go much smoother that way,” Lorelai grinned.
“Got it,” Luke nodded, figuring what Lorelai didn't know wouldn't hurt her. “What kids?”
“Exactly what I'm saying,” Lorelai replied, smiling as she grabbed her hair dryer. What Luke didn't know couldn't hurt him, after all.
Chapter 37: Fireplaces Are Good For Snuggling, Too
“Okay, this is definitely more like it,” Lorelai sighed, lounging back against the pillows she and Luke had piled in front of the lit fireplace.
“Good lobster,” Luke mumbled, his mouth full.
“Have we had lobster since the wedding?” Lorelai asked, licking her fingers. “And don't talk with your mouth full, you savage.”
Luke swallowed his mouthful of lobster. “Sorry, and no, I think that was the last time we had it.”
“Damn shame,” Lorelai muttered.
“Tell me about it,” Luke nodded. “And wine. When was the last time we had wine?” he asked, draining his glass.
“Couldn't tell you,” Lorelai replied. “You're kind of tipsy, aren't you, Babe?”
“Totally,” Luke grinned loopily. “I've had, like, a beer a week, tops, since the ki....”
“Ah, ah, ah,” Lorelai laughed, waggling her finger at Luke.
“Sorry,” Luke laughed. “Since uh...since we had to start renovating the house.”
“I'm feeling the wine myself,” Lorelai purred, stretching her leg up in the air and slowly rotating her foot in a circle.
Luke watched Lorelai's foot thoughtfully. “It may be the wine speaking, but that's really freaking hot,” he whispered.
“I think it's the sunburn talking, too,” Lorelai grinned, pulling her leg back down and rolling onto her stomach. “You're as red as that lobster you just inhaled.”
“My nose hurts,” Luke sighed, touching the bridge of his nose gingerly.
“So poke it, that makes sense,” Lorelai giggled.
Luke chuckled. “Poke it...dirty!”
“Pervert,” Lorelai smiled. “I like Tipsy Luke. He's funny.”
“I like Tipsy Luke, too,” Luke smirked. “Fire pretty,” he muttered, staring into the fireplace.
“Oh, give me a break, you're not that drunk,” Lorelai laughed.
“Close,” Luke retorted.
“So, good Saturday, huh?” Lorelai enthused. “I can't believe I actually got you into the water.”
“I can't believe you convinced me to wear shorts.”
“I still don't know why you put up such a fuss,” Lorelai sighed. “There's plenty of goofy looking guys on the beach making a spectacle of themselves in too tight speedos, and big floral swim trunks. And yet, my extremely handsome, masculine husband has body image issues.”
“I don't have body image issues,” Luke grouched.
“You can barely see the scars,” Lorelai replied softly.
“Stupid Frankenstein leg,” Luke grumbled, glaring at the evidence of his accident.
“Stop it,” Lorelai murmured, scooting closer to Luke. “All I care about is that they put you back together. I remember a time when your doctors weren't so sure you were ever going to walk well again. So, I'm pretty content with my pretty husband and his battle scars, and his only very occasional need to break out the old cane on rainy days and Mondays.”
“Does my rainy day whining turn you on?” Luke grinned. “Do you get all hot and bothered when I nearly pass out every time I manage to ram my rod into your...kitchen counter? Yes, I meant that to be dirty.”
“Mission accomplished,” Lorelai giggled.
Luke set his plate up on the coffee table and stretched out on the floor next to Lorelai. “So, still like your gimpy old fart of a husband?”
“As long as you still like your lumpy old fart of a wife,” Lorelai grinned, snuggling up to Luke.
“Show me a lump,” Luke groaned.
Lorelai flipped up the hem of her shirt and glared at her stomach. “No more bikinis for Bonzo, here,” she sighed.
“Pretty belly,” Luke muttered, scooting down to kiss Lorela's belly button. “I still like your belly. Don't start on that again. We've been here before, you know.”
“I recognize that tree,” Lorelai laughed as Luke nibbled lightly on her waist. “That tickles.”
“Pretty, curvy wife,” Luke whispered, running his hand across Lorelai's abdomen.
“Mmm,” Lorelai moaned happily as Luke caressed her. “You still know how to make me feel so sexy.”
Luke slid back up until he was laying next to Lorelai again. “That's because you ARE sexy, woman.”
“Aw, I love you, you dork,” Lorelai smiled.
“I love you, too,” Luke whispered, running his thumb along Lorelai's jaw.
“I'm glad we're married,” she sighed, closing her eyes as Luke kissed her cheek softly.
“Me too,” Luke agreed, trailing soft kisses along Lorelai's forehead. “You're absolutely nothing like the woman I married, you know that?”
“That's disturbing,” Lorelai chuckled.
“No,” Luke replied, shaking his head. “I like who you are now. I liked who you were then, but I have to say, I'm a big fan of the whole mother of my children thing. I get it now. I get what it's like to have someone you'd die for in a heartbeat. You, the kids, I'd throw myself in front of a train if it was necessary. And if anyone ever hurt any of you, I'd kill them. I'd tear them to shreds. You just wait until Gracie and Sammie start dating. The bodies are going to start piling up in Stars Hollow.”
“And when Xan and Doo start dating?” Lorelai asked.
“I'll beat them within an inch of their lives if they're ever stupid enough to cross whatever girl they settle on,” Luke growled.
“I love it when the old William Danes training comes to the surface,” Lorelai giggled.
“My dad would have taken a baseball bat to my head and put me in a coma if he had seen the stupid crap I did in our relationship before we got things right,” Luke sighed. “He would have jammed his foot so far up my ass I would have choked on his shoelace.”
“Interesting imagery,” Lorelai murmured as she snuggled up under Luke's chin. “Mmm. Now I see why the babies like it here so much. So warm and cozy under here.”
“My chin has many selling points,” Luke nodded.
“This is so nice,” Lorelai sighed as Luke pulled her closer. “I feel bad that we aren't taking advantage of all the dirty fireplace things we should be doing, but I'm really liking the cuddly fireplace thing, right now.”
“Plenty of time for dirtiness later,” Luke chuckled. “I can get behind the whole grown up cuddling thing. It's warm, and the pillows are comfortable, and nobody is bouncing on my stomach.”
“Well, I could do that, if you really want me to,” Lorelai laughed.
“No, thanks,” Luke sighed. “No pony rides for you, lady.”
“No fair,” Lorelai pouted.
“I'm only one man,” Luke shrugged.
“Want some more aloe?” Lorelai offered, sitting up and grabbing the bottle of green gel.
“God, yes,” Luke groaned, sitting up and yanking off his shirt. Lorelai maneuvered herself behind Luke and squeezed some aloe into the palm of her hand.
“Get ready for it, it's going to be cold,” she warned, rubbing her hands together to distribute the gel.
“Geez,” Luke hissed, stiffening as Lorelai smoothed the gel onto his reddened shoulders. Luke relaxed a little as he adjusted to the coolness. “Okay, that feels nice,” he decided, letting his chin fall to his chest as Lorelai spread the gel across his shoulders and down his arms.
“Moisturizing is your friend,” Lorelai murmured, gently stoking Luke's inflamed skin. “Poor Luke, all burnt to a crisp.”
“Just call me Cancer Man,” Luke grunted, wincing as Lorelai grazed the reddest part of his skin.
“Let's not and say we did,” Lorelai frowned. “I told you to keep applying the lotion.”
“I did,” Luke retorted.
“You kept going in and out of the water, and not reapplying religiously,” Lorelai scolded.
“Sorry, I'm not up on the Sun-Worshipers Code,” Luke muttered.
“Lean back,” Lorelai instructed as she crawled forward. Luke leaned his weight back onto the palms of his hands as Lorelai straddled his lap. “Gotta apply liberally,” Lorelai explained. “The bottle says so.”
“Gotta pay attention to the labeling,” Luke groaned as Lorelai began to spread the allow down his biceps, squeezing gently as she worked the gel into his skin. Lorelai squeezed another dollop of aloe into her palm and began to work it into Luke's chest. “I'm not burnt there,” Luke whispered, smiling at Lorelai as she silently continued massaging his chest, working her way up to his shoulders again.
She dipped her head and nibbled softly on Luke's throat., sliding her hands over Luke's arms. Luke sat up and grasped Lorelai's waist, kissing her softly. “You'd make a great nurse,” he whispered.
“You'd be my favorite patient,” Lorelai smiled as she gently sucked Luke's lower lip into her mouth. “Lay back, make yourself comfy.”
“A man could get used to this,” Luke whispered.
“Don't get too used to it,” Lorelai grinned.
“But...”
“Hey, I'm just saying, enjoy it while you can,” Lorelai explained.
“Want it all the time,” Luke pouted, pulling Lorelai tight against his own body.
“I do too,” Lorelai sighed, kissing Luke's cheek softly.
“Let's never,ever go home,” Luke suggested, brushing a lock of Lorelai's hair from her face.
“We have to go home eventually,” Lorelai whispered.
“No,” Luke murmured. “Stay here. By the fireplace.”
“So nice here by the fireplace,” Lorelai sighed, nuzzling Luke's ear with her nose.
“Very nice,” Luke moaned as Lorelai pressed up against him.
“Wonder how the twins are holding up?” Lorelai frowned as she nibbled on Luke's ear.
“They're fine,” Luke rasped.
“Do you miss them?” Lorelai asked, sitting up a little.
“Huh?” Luke asked. “Of course I do.”
“How much?” Lorelai asked, running her fingernails through Luke's chest hair.
“I smell a con brewing,” Luke sighed.
“No con, just concerned about your parental longings,” Lorelai smiled.
“What's the deal?” Luke asked suspiciously.
“Damn it,” Lorelai sighed, laying her head back down on Luke's chest. “I miss the little beasts.”
“Oh my god, you want to leave early,” Luke groaned.
Lorelai shrugged. “I'm having so much fun, but I feel kind of....off,” she admitted.
Luke narrowed his eyes as Lorelai tilted her head up toward him, a sheepish grin on her face.
“Maybe we can leave tomorrow afternoon...late,” Luke sighed in defeat.
“Really?” Lorelai squealed. “Aw, hon, you're the best.”
“Total sucker,” Luke groaned. “I can't believe you're already bored of me.”
“I'm not bored, I swear,” Lorelai argued. “Don't you feel it, just a teeny bit?”
“What?” Luke growled.
“Don't you miss them?”
“Aw, geez,” Luke huffed.
“Admit it, you dork, you miss them just as much as I do,” Lorelai pressed.
“Fine,” Luke shrugged. “Maybe I do. Just a teeny bit.”
“Aha!” Lorelai exclaimed triumphantly. “I knew it. You miss them. You big sap.”
“Shut up,” Luke grumbled.
“Okay, so we'll just pick them up tomorrow evening. But we still have the day tomorrow to enjoy our alone time. And tonight,” Lorelai said.
“You'd better make it up to me, big time,” Luke grumped.
“How ever could I make it up to you, my sweet, wonderful, understanding husband guy?” Lorelai asked innocently.
“Dirty fireplace stuff,” Luke demanded. “And you'd better make it good.”
“I'm always good, Babe,” Lorelai purred, allowing her hand to drift down Luke's stomach.
“That you are,” Luke grinned.
“I'm going to like this dirty fireplace stuff,” Lorelai giggled as Luke rolled on top of her, lavishing her neck with kisses.
“The things I let you talk me into,” Luke sighed.
Chapter 38: Fast Forward
“Choke up on the bat,” Luke muttered.
“I am,” Xander sighed.
“Good. Let's see what you've got,” Luke said as the pitching machine began to whir. Xander readied himself, narrowing his eyes in anticipation. A ball launched out of the machine and Xander swung. The ball hit the cage wall behind him.
“Damn it,” Xander grumbled.
“Watch the swears. Get ready,” Luke said, crossing his arms.
Xander swung again, getting only a piece of the ball. It bounced down into the square in front of the boy and rolled into the corner.
“You can't swing at just anything,” Luke instructed. “Watch it. Know where you want it to be. If it isn't there, let it pass.”
“Only get three strikes, Dad,” Xander retorted.
“Concentrate on the ball, kid, got another one coming,” Luke ordered.
Xander choked up on the bat, waiting for the next pitch.
“Watch it,” Luke reminded him.
“Watching,” Xander said through clenched teeth as the next pitch flew at him. He swung and connected with the ball. It sailed back into the nets behind the pitching machine.
“That's how you do it,” Luke grinned. “Know where it's going before it gets there.”
“It was gonna drop,” Xander nodded, readying himself for the next ball.
“You have learned much, Grasshopper,” Luke chuckled.
“You are my Zen Master,” Xander grunted, knocking another ball into the nets.
“Chicken winging it, kid,” Luke sighed. “Keep your follow through solid.”
“How was I chicken winging it?” Xander asked, exasperated.
“How are you concentrating if you're flapping your gums?” Luke shot back, hooking his fingers through the mesh behind Xander.
“Now I know how Tiger Woods must have felt,” Xander laughed as he let a high ball fly past him.
“Shut it,” Luke scowled as Xander stepped out of the batting cage.
“Toss a few?” Xander suggested, pulling off the batting helmet and grabbing the gloves.
“A few,” Luke shrugged as they walked outside to the ball field. Xander trotted a few feet away. “Far enough,” Luke nodded.
“Geez, Dad, why don't we just sit on the ground and roll it back and forth?” Xander sighed.
“Warm up your shoulder, first, Hot Shot,” Luke retorted. “Haven't I beaten that concept into your head yet?” he asked as he leisurely tossed the baseball toward Xander.
“Yeah, yeah,” Xander groaned, tossing the ball back. “Think I'll make the team?”
“Sure bet,” Luke assured Xander as they tossed the ball back and forth, slowly widening the gap between them.
“Coach kept yammering about you,” Xander laughed. “Dead Eye this, Dead Eye that.”
“I am legend,” Luke shrugged. “You've got big cleats to fill, little man.”
“Glad you're humble about your rep,” Xander muttered. “Don't forget, I've seen your goofy ass track picture.”
“Maybe be a goofy ass picture, but the only thing that matters is all the shiny trophies surrounding that picture,” Luke laughed. “Need another Danes man in that high school to start filling up the trophy case again. The hockey team sure as heck isn't going to do it.”
“Wouldn't it be cool if I could go pro?” Xander asked, whipping the ball a little harder now.
“Hey, don't get cocky,” Luke warned.
“I'm just saying,” Xander sighed, rolling his eyes.
“And I'm just saying, keep my crappy luck in mind,” Luke grunted as he caught the ball. “Damn, that one stung a little.”
“I'm not going to blow out my arm,” Xander promised.
“I wasn't going to either,” Luke replied, hurling the ball back. “You're going into high school this year. You keep your eye on the prize, and not just the baseball prize. You keep your grades up, and keep your options open. Don't be a putz, like I was.”
“I won't,” Xander nodded. “Turnin' it up a notch.”
Luke held out his glove, catching Xander's pitch. “Nice,” he grinned
“Come on, give me some heat,” Xander grinned back.
Luke threw the ball with force. Xander laughed out loud as he caught the speeding ball. “Geez, still got some sizzle for an old dude.”
“Watch it, Punk,” Luke growled. “It's getting dark, let's swing by Miss Patty's and meet Grace.”
“Sucks that the summer's almost over,” Xander sighed as he and Luke walked toward the dance studio.
“Summer's only over when the Sox close up shop for the year,” Luke replied.
“They're not closing up shop any time soon, looks like,” Xander grinned.
“What number do you want if you make the team?” Luke asked.
“Well, seeing as old Dead Eye's number is retired and hanging up in the gym, I guess I have to shoot for something good like 20.”
“Youk,” Luke nodded.
“You coming to my first game?” Xander asked. “You know, if I make the cut?”
“I'll be there front and center, screaming 'Tessie' at the top of my lungs,” Luke promised.
“You're way too Sox for this town,” Xander sighed.
“Don't I know it,” Luke grinned as they climbed the steps to the dance studio. Xander peered inside the door.
“The duck is almost dead, shouldn't be long now,” Xander reported.
“It's Swan Lake,” Luke groaned, punching Xander in the arm. “No ducks involved.” The waited until the dancers had cooled down and started to disperse. Miss Patty walked out to the door, lighting up her cigarette.
“Lucas,” she purred. “You're looking dapper this evening. Been working out?”
“Uh, a little, Patty,” Luke shrugged. “Throwing some pitches with the runt, here.”
“Hey,” Xander scowled. “I'm almost as tall as you are.”
“I'm sorry I missed it,” Miss Patty demurred. “Nothing could be prettier than watching the Danes boys lather themselves up.”
“Maybe next time, Patty,” Luke sighed.
“Oh, don't tease,” Miss Patty sighed. “Gracie, honey, your adoring crowd awaits you,” she called.
“I'm coming, I'm coming,” Grace huffed, dragging her duffel bag behind her as she left the studio. “See you Sunday, Miss Patty.”
“See you then, Sweetheart,” Miss Patty sang. “Bye, boys!”
“Come on, Duck,” Xander growled as he started walking toward the diner. “I'm going to get a burger. I'm starving.”
“Bite me, Dork,” Grace snarked. “Hi, Pop.”
“Hey, G, how'd it go?” Luke asked, falling into step alongside Grace as Xander trotted ahead of them.
“My calves hurt,” Grace groaned. “Miss Patty is like freaking Colonel Klink.”
“Hey, you spent all those years whining about never getting the good parts, now you're whining about getting the good parts and having to work for them,” Luke pointed out. “Can't have your cake and eat it, too.”
“Gee, thanks for the pep talk, Pop,” Grace moaned. “I really want some ice cream. I hate not being able to eat ice cream.”
“You can have a little ice cream,” Luke groaned. “You'd better not be turning into some anorexic diva. I'll put Patty in a headlock if she's riding you about that kind of stuff.”
“I'm not,” Grace swore. “I'm just not Mom. Or Rory. How do they eat like they do and still look like, I don't know, what's the word?”
“Sticks?” Luke laughed as they walked into the diner. “Twigs?”
“Yeah, that,” Grace giggled.
“It's because they're insane,” Luke explained, walking behind the counter. “Being nuts is very slimming. And you're just as twiggy as they are, so knock it off.”
“Fine,” Grace muttered, sliding onto a stool at the counter. “Bring me a cheeseburger, stat.”
“Coming up,” Luke nodded. “Your order in?” he asked Xander.
“Yup,” Xander nodded. Luke went back into the kitchen to get the kids' food together.
“You wanna work Saturday for me?” Xander asked Grace.
“Not especially,” Grace sighed, sliding off the stool and going behind the counter to get a drink.
“Come on, trade a shift with me,” Xander pleaded.
“Why would I do that?” Grace asked. “I'm a busy person. I've got people to see, things to do.”
“Got a game organizing, I need the practice,” Xander shrugged.
“Well, I've got plans,” Grace retorted, returning to her seat. “So suck it.”
“Suck it?” Xander mused. “Hey, betcha Dad would love to hear all about you sucking face with Dave McArdle at the BWR last weekend instead of being at Jen's party like you said you were.”
“Damn it,” Grace sighed. “What hours.”
“Here you go,” Luke grunted, returning from the kitchen. “What are you arguing about now?”
“Nothing,” Grace pouted. “I'm actually taking Xan's Saturday shift out of the goodness of my heart.”
“Yeah, right,” Luke snorted, laughing. “What do you got on her?” he asked the boy.
Xander shrugged, not replying. He shoved his burger into his mouth and took a huge bite. “Mof foo,” he explained, pointing at his mouth.
“I'm going to finish unpacking the deliveries before we cut out,” Luke sighed. He walked into the stock room as Grace and Xander worked on their meals.
Grace finished up her cheeseburger and walked into the stock room. “Need any help, Pop?”
“Just finishing up,” Luke replied. “Thanks, though.”
“Hey, Pop, can I spend the night at Andrea's after I'm done here on Saturday?” Grace asked, hopping up onto the table in the center of the room.
“Got an awful lot of sleepovers happening lately,” Luke noted, putting the last jar of pickles up onto a shelf.
“Summer's running out of steam, gotta get the fun in while it lasts,” Grace shrugged, swinging her dangling legs idly.
“Uh huh,” Luke grunted.
“What?” Grace asked, narrowing her eyes at Luke.
Luke leaned back on the edge of the table next to Grace, crossing his arms. “Small town, monkey,” Luke said softly.
“So?” Grace shrugged, biting her nails nervously.
“So, the bookstore? Not exactly your best attempt at discretion,” Luke sighed.
“Oh,” Grace whispered, staring at her shoes.
“Come on,” Luke continued. “Did you think that wouldn't make its way back to me?”
“I don't know,” Grace mumbled.
“Who is this kid?” Luke pressed.
“Dave,” Grace replied.
“Dave who?” Luke asked, staring at Grace.
“McArdle,” Grace replied, meeting Luke's eyes with her own, finally.
Luke shook his head at the stubborn expression Grace wore. “You don't see him again...”
“Poppy!” Grace wailed. “We're not doing anything, we're just hanging out!”
“Don't get your leotard in a bunch,” Luke growled. “You don't see him again until your Mom and I meet him, got it?”
“When?” Grace gasped, horrified.
“Soon,” Luke scowled. “Friday.”
“What about Friday night dinner?” Grace asked.
“Your grandparents have a dinner party, we're not going this week,” Luke replied.
“Damn,” Grace mumbled.
“Watch it,” Luke warned.
“Fine,” Grace sighed. “I'll see if he wants to come to dinner.”
“You'll see if he wants to come to dinner?” Luke echoed. “Uh, no, you tell him be there, or get lost. End of story.”
“Pop,” Grace moaned. “You scare the crap out of every decent guy in town.”
“If they're decent guys, they have nothing to be scared of,” Luke shot back.
“Aw, geez,” Grace muttered. “So I kissed a guy. It's not the end of the world.”
“As long as you're living under my roof, I get to have a say in whose lips touch yours,” Luke growled.
“Oh my god,” Grace wailed. “Please, just don't embarrass me, okay?”
“You mean I shouldn't wear my hip waders to dinner?” Luke grinned.
“Don't you dare,” Grace gasped. “Pop, I swear, if you scare Dave off...”
“Oh, shut up,” Luke laughed. “Invite this chump to dinner, we'll check him out, and if, and that's a very big if, we say it's okay, we'll discuss what the dating rules are, got it?”
“Okay,” Grace agreed.
“Of course, that will happen two weeks from now,” Luke continued.
“Two weeks?” Grace asked.
“You know, after you're off grounding for sneaking around behind our backs,” Luke grunted. “Do it again, and I'll make it a month, we clear?”
“We're clear,” Grace sulked.
“You're also working here for the next two Friday and Saturday nights,” Luke added.
“Geeez,” Grace groaned. “Can I go now? I get one phone call before you lock me up, right?”
“Two minutes,” Luke nodded, glaring at Grace. “Get out of here.”
Grace slunk out of the stockroom. Luke sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands. “Christ,” he muttered to himself. “Punk thinks he can grope my kid in public? He's got another thing coming if he thinks I'm going to let that one slide.”
Luke stood up and walked back toward the dining area. He needed to think. Plan something big. Somehow, this McArdle kid was going to get the fear of God put back into him. Luke didn't know how he was going to do it yet, but damn it, once he and Lorelai put together a plan, this kid was definitely going to wish he hadn't been born.
Chapter 39: Dave With A Side Of Fava Beans
“Watcha going to do to Grace's boyfriend, Dad?” Sammie asked.
“We're just having dinner,” Luke responded, sliding a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of the girl.
“You're so going to kill him,” Drew chuckled, as Luke place Drew's breakfast in front of him.
“I'm not going to kill him,” Luke sighed, walking around the counter to retrieve a coffee pot.
“He's gonna beat Dave with a spatula,” Sammie giggled.
“Gut him like a fish,” Drew replied, stuffing a forkful of pancake into his mouth.
“Stop it,” Lorelai murmured, stifling a smile as Luke filled up customers' coffee cups.
“He's going to choke him right after Dave finishes his pie,” Sammie continued.
“Help him swallow his last bite right before he kicks the bucket,” Drew cackled.
“Dave is so dead,” Sammie accentuated.
“Deader than a doornail,” Drew agreed.
“Deader than that worm you squashed this morning,” Sam shuddered.
“The worm got it easy,” Drew grinned.
“Yeah, Dave's screwed,” Sammie laughed.
“Knock it off, you two,” Luke growled as he strode by their table.
“I bet he's gonna kill Dave, let them bury him, then dig him up and kill him all over again,” Drew whispered to Sammie.
“Whack him in the head with a shovel,” Sammie snorted.
“And kick him in the leg,” Drew smiled.
“And then break his arm,” Sam added.
“Right before he kills him again,” Drew concluded.
“You two are seriously disturbed,” Lorelai sighed.
“You are the most morbid pair I've ever met in my life,” Luke grumbled. “Nobody's getting killed.”
“Are you gonna get arrested?” Sam asked innocently.
“If anyone gets killed tonight, it's going to be one or the both of you,” Luke scowled. “More coffee?” he asked Lorelai.
“Seriously, how long until you learn to just fill it up without asking?” Lorelai smiled, sliding her coffee mug toward Luke.
“Just following the script,” Luke sighed as he walked back to the counter.
“So dead,” Sammie whispered.
“Stop it,” Lorelai grinned. “You're going to get on your Dad's crap list for sure, if you keep it up.”
“Rory emailed me, she wants me to videotape dinner,” Drew chortled.
“Oh my god, that would be so cool,” Sammie laughed.
“We could Youtube it,” Drew plotted. “I gotta call April and ask her if she could...”
“Nooo,” Lorelai warned. “No streaming boyfriend slaughter, okay guys?”
“Aw, Mom,” Sammie sighed.
Xander walked into the diner at that moment, flopping into the chair next to Lorelai.
“Morning, Sunshine,” Lorelai smiled at the boy. She reached out and tucked a stray lock of hair back under Xander's baseball cap. “Glad you decided to wake up and smell the dishwater.”
“Can't wait until school starts,” Xander grouched. “Dishpan hands aren't my thing.”
“It'll put hair on your chest,” Lorelai shrugged.
“Something better do it,” Drew laughed.
“Shut up, Tweedle Dum,” Xander grouched.
“Not his fault you're all stunted,” Sammie giggled.
“You shut it, too, Tweedle Dumber,” Xander growled.
“That's original,” Sammie sighed, rolling her eyes.
“Yeah, come up with something new, Dork,” Drew pouted.
“Sorry, Chang, sorry, Eng, I'll do better next time,” Xander snarked. “Seriously, you had to have two morons at once, Mom?”
“Hey, knock it off,” Lorelai frowned. “Get up on the confrontational side of the bed this morning?”
Xander slouched down in his seat, adjusting his baseball cap. Lorelai grinned at the sight. He was wearing a blue flannel shirt, the baseball cap he wore was turned backwards on his head, a few tufts of curly brown hair poking out from under the bill. His arms were folded over his chest, and a downright surly expression settled onto his face. All Xander needed was some stubble, and it was Luke. Luke with a Beastie Boys t shirt underneath the flannel, but Luke nonetheless.
“It's only a three hour shift,” Lorelai pointed out. “It's not like your Dad is running a sweatshop here.”
“I hate getting stuck busing and doing the dishes,” Xander pouted.
“But at least you get to witness the big coming out party for Gracie and Dave tonight,” Lorelai offered.
“Yeah, that's gonna rock,” Xander grinned. “Totally have to record it.”
“Mom said no,” Sammie said with regret.
“Nice support system your sister has,” Lorelai grumbled.
“Hey, she'd be the one carrying the noose if it were me,” Xander argued.
“Evil. All of you,” Lorelai laughed. “Okay you two, time to get you to your science camp, and I have to get to work before Sookie throttles me.”
“Guess I'd better get my bucket,” Xander sighed, standing up with the rest of the family.
“See you tonight, kid,” Lorelai smiled, kissing Xander on the cheek. “Don't impale yourself on a steak knife or anything.”
“You leaving?” Luke asked, walking up to Lorelai.
“Yep,” Lorelai nodded. “Time to win some bread. Or something like that.”
“See you tonight,” Luke murmured, kissing Lorelai gently.
“Yuck,” Drew grimaced. Luke pulled Lorelai into a deeper kiss, and reached out his hand, covering Drew's face.
“Okay, enough PDA,” Xander moaned, and headed for the kitchen.
“Yeah, get a divorce like normal parents,” Sammie sighed, heading for the diner door.
“Bye, Babe,” Lorelai smiled as they pulled apart.
“Bye, brats,” Luke added, tousling Drew's hair and kissing Sammie on the top of her head. “Don't terrorize the other campers.”
Lorelai and Grace spun around the kitchen later that evening, trying to pull together an acceptable dinner. “How's the spaghetti sauce?” Lorelai asked, grabbing a loaf of frozen french bread from the freezer.
“Still in the jar,” Grace moaned. “We can't do spaghetti from a jar. It's so uncool.”
“Hey, when did I ever bother to learn how to cook?” Lorelai argued. “That's what I've got you and Luke for.”
“Crap,” Grace sighed. “Okay, I can make spaghetti sauce. It isn't that hard.”
“What do you need?” Lorelai asked.
“I need....uh, tomato sauce, onions, uh....garlic....and, geez, what else does Pop put in this?” Grace muttered, rifling through the cupboards. “Meat! Grab some ground beef out of the freezer.”
“Got it,” Lorelai pulling a package of frozen beef out of the freezer and smacking it down onto the counter. “Now what?”
“Geez, defrost it,” Grace laughed.
“I can do that,” Lorelai grinned. “Cooking is fun!”
Grace poured the tomato sauce into a pot, chopped some tomatoes up and threw them in as well. She turned up the heat and began maniacally chopping a clove of garlic.
“I can chop up the onion,” Lorelai offered.
“No chopping, slice it,” Grace instructed, throwing an onion at Lorelai.
“Why?” Lorelai asked.
“No clue, it's just what Pop does,” Grace shrugged as she grabbed some herbs out of the refrigerator. “Oh wow, are there mushrooms? I need mushrooms.”
“I'll get them, is this enough onion?” Lorelai asked.
“Yeah,” Grace nodded, “Pop them in.”
“Look at you, all Emeril. Are you going to yell 'Bam!' at all? Because that would be so awesome,” Lorelai giggled.
Grace shot Lorelai a withering stare. She picked up a pinch of oregano that she had just chopped and dropped it into the pot of sauce. “Bam,” she said in a monotone.
Lorelai looked Grace in the eye, contemplating the girl. “Such your father's daughter,” she sighed, shaking her head and returning to the side of the kitchen she was working on.
“Okay, seriously, did you get Pop under control?” Grace wheedled.
“Hey, I told him no baseball bats. That's the best I can do. Your father is his own man,” Lorelai shrugged.
“Geez, he's going to cause a scene, isn't he?” Grace moaned.
“Listen, I sympathize with you, I really do, but you brought this on yourself,” Lorelai scolded. “All you had to do was be upfront about this kid, and you wouldn't be up this particular creek without a paddle.”
“Pop's so mean to guys,” Grace explained. “Remember Danny?”
“Third grade Danny?”
“Yeah, Dad made him cry just because we were both sitting on my bed,” Grace reminded Lorelai.
“Okay, maybe he did overreact to that,” Lorelai smirked. “But Danny did kind of have a habit of trying to tackle you and kiss you.”
“We were playing Mousetrap,” Grace retorted.
“Sexy,” Lorelai purred.
“Aw, geez,” Grace groaned, stirring the sauce.
“Hey,” Luke greeted the pair as he walked into the kitchen.
“Burger Boy has come home,” Lorelai smiled.
“What's cooking?” Luke asked, sniffing the air.
“Taste this,” Grace ordered, sticking a wooden spoon in Luke's face. Luke tasted the sauce.
“Not bad,” he said. “You need some peppers in there, though.”
“Crap,” Grace gasped. “I knew I forgot something.'
“Watch the swears,” Luke growled.
“Sorry,” Grace muttered distractedly as she began to slice up a green pepper.
“How was work?” Lorelai asked, sticking the french bread into the oven.
“Uh, I poured coffee, I made burgers, I fried fries, I poured coffee, and I yelled at Kirk,” Luke shrugged.
“Another productive day,” Lorelai nodded as the doorbell rang. “I'll get it,” she sang as Grace whirled around to stare at Luke, wide eyed.
“No, let me,” Luke smiled. “You two get dinner finished up.”
“Poppy,” Grace said pleadingly, grabbing Luke's hands.
“Why are you so worried?” Luke chuckled. “Do you see a sidearm?”
“Poppy, please be nice,” Grace begged.
“Your sauce is boiling,” Luke grunted. Grace raced back to the stove and Luke turned on his heels, glaring at Lorelai as she pointed at Luke, silently warning him to behave.
“Is that him?” Drew asked as he and Sammie ran down the stairs.
“Sit down and chill,” Luke grunted at the twins as he went to greet their guest. He waited until the twins took their seats on the love seat. Luke opened the door and silently regarded the boy who stood there. Luke slowly looked him up and down as the boy scratched his head nervously.
“Hey, Mr. D,” Dave smiled, holding his hand out.
Luke gripped Dave's hand tightly and shook it. “No need to be formal,” Luke said sarcastically. “Please, call me Mr. Danes.”
“Uh, sorry, I meant Mr. Danes,” Dave said sheepishly.
“Come on in, have a seat,” Luke said, stepping aside. “Dinner will be a few more minutes.”
Dave entered the living room and sat on the couch next to Xander, who was flipping through a magazine. “Hey, man,” Dave nodded.
“Hey,” Xander muttered, not looking up. “Hope you brought your padding. It might get a little rough in here,” Xander smirked.
“Uh, okay,” Dave smiled nervously.
“So, Dave is it?” Luke asked, sitting down in a chair.
“Yeah, uh...yes Sir, I mean, Dave McArdle,” Dave stammered.
“Dave McArdle,” Luke mused. “I tell ya, that name sounds familiar.”
“Uh, well, I play football,” Dave offered. “Maybe that's why you've heard of me.”
“Not really a fan of football,” Luke shrugged. “Not my sport, if you know what I mean.”
“Oh,” Dave replied, looking at Xander for help.
“Hey,” Xander said, tossing his magazine onto the coffee table. “You like baseball, don't you, Dave?”
“Yeah,” Dave nodded gratefully. “You're a total legend in school, Mr. Danes. Baseball, track. I think you went to school with my coach,” he offered weakly.
“Really?” Luke asked. “Who's your coach?”
“Mike Peters,” Dave explained.
“Oh,” Luke grunted. “Yeah, I remember Mikey.”
“Cool,” Dave grinned.
“He was a putz,” Luke scowled.
“So what team do you like?” Xander asked. “Baseball, I mean.”
“Oh, I totally like the Yanks,” Dave said enthusiastically. “Jeter's the man, best player since Gossage.”
“Oh man,” Sammie whispered.
“He's toast,” Drew whispered back gleefully.
Xander smiled knowingly at Sam and Drew, betraying his set-up.
“Gossage is kind of an obvious choice,” Luke sighed. “But Jeter? Seriously, if you're going to compare one Yankee to another, which is a lost cause, in my opinion, at least show some respect to the pinstripes. Pull out a Munson, or at least a Gehrig. Jeter? Overrated.”
“Uh, Munson, Sir?” Dave asked, confused.
“You're a Yankee fan?” Luke asked suspiciously.
“Yes, Sir,” Dave nodded.
“And you don't know Munson?” Luke pressed.
“No, Sir,” Dave admitted.
“Munson, Thurman Munson,” Luke prodded.
“Sorry,” Dave shrugged.
“So the Gehrig/Munson connection was completely lost on you,” Luke sighed.
“Geez, even I knew that,” Sammie whispered to Drew. Dave glanced warily at the twins, unnerved by their mounting excitement throughout his grilling.
“Big Yankee fan, Mr. Danes?” Dave asked.
“Oh man,” Drew snorted. “Get the body bag.”
“Noo,” Luke replied slowly. “Red Sox, actually.”
“Oh,” Dave said, his shoulders slumping in defeat.
“I could mention Carlton Fisk here, but it...really wouldn't accomplish much, now would it?” Luke smiled.
“I guess not,” Dave sighed.
“Man, that was bad,” Xander smirked. “The Yankees. Sheesh.”
“Why don't you guys go out and help set the table?” Luke suggested.
“Aw, Dad,” Drew complained.
“All three of you, go, now,” Luke said firmly. The twins stomped out to the kitchen, angry at being shut out of the show.
Xander stood up slowly and clapped Dave on the shoulder. “Don't forget the emergency 'chute, man,” he grinned as he wandered out of the living room.
“So, Dave,” Luke smiled, crossing his arms.
“Yes, Sir?” Dave asked weakly, wiping a line of sweat from his brow.
“You want to date my daughter,” Luke began.
“Yes, Sir,” Dave replied.
“My Gracie,” Luke emphasized.
“Yes,” Dave whispered.
“I hear you two put on quite a show at the bookstore,” Luke scowled.
“It wasn't really...I didn't...It got blown all out of proportion,” Dave stammered.
“I hope so,” Luke nodded. “I've got a bum leg, you know, car accident years ago.”
“Grace mentioned that,” Dave replied. “Sorry about that.”
“Thanks,” Luke said. “I tell ya, I'd hate to have more surgery to realign the rod I've got in there.”
“Is that a possibility?” Dave gulped.
“It is if you ever feel up my daughter in a public place again, son,” Luke growled. “I'd hate to have to kick you around the block a few times. That would make me very cranky, catch my drift?”
“Yes, Sir,” Dave whispered shakily.
“And if you ever do that in private, things will get uglier still, got it?” Luke explained.
“Yes, Sir,” Dave nodded emphatically.
“My father raised me to respect women,” Luke began. “And I'm pretty damn particular about how I'm raising my own boys. They know I'd tear them a new one if I ever caught wind of them behaving...in a disrespectful manner, do you follow me?”
“Yes, Sir,” Dave gasped.
“Good,” Luke smiled. “I'm glad we're on the same page. Because if you're going to date my daughter, you'd better be playing by the same rules, got it?”
“Got it,” Dave nodded.
“Good,” Luke replied. “You ever hear that Abbott and Costello routine? The 'Who's On First?' thing?”
“Yeah,” Dave nodded. “Funny stuff.”
“Yes, it is,” Luke mused. “Let's use that as a little comparison for our dating ground rules, okay?”
“How's that, Sir?” Dave asked, swallowing hard.
“Who's on first?” Luke continued. “Not you. Ever. Never even gonna catch a piece of the ball, if you know what's good for you, kid. Got it?”
“Yes, Sir,” Dave choked out. “I would never even consider it.”
“Good man,” Luke nodded.
“Hey guys?” Lorelai interrupted, walking into the living room. “Dinner's ready.”
“Great,” Luke grinned at Lorelai as she narrowed her eyes at him. “Let's go eat, Dave, buddy.”
“Okay,” Dave gulped, getting to his feet.
“You hungry?” Luke asked as they made their way to the kitchen.
“Um, I was...” Dave mumbled.
“Gracie made it,” Luke beamed. “You're going to eat it, and you're going to rave about it. Understood?”
“Understood,” Dave tried to smile.
“I think I like you, Dave,” Luke chuckled.
“Really?” Dave frowned.
“Not really,” Luke admitted. “But Grace does. And I'll give you a chance because of that. But that's all you have, kid. Don't blow it.”
“I won't, Sir,” Dave promised.
“Good answer,” Luke smiled, patting Dave on the shoulder.
Chapter 40: Luke Lightens Up
Luke climbed the bleacher stairs and sat down on the sixth riser, figuring he had a good enough vantage point. The stands were dotted with a few groups of parents, family, and friends who had turned out to watch the Varsity and JV baseball teams in their first practice game against each other. Luke shaded his eyes with his hand and peered across the baseball diamond. He easily picked out Xander, who stood apart from the rest of the team, slowly rotating his arm and going through his stretching routine. Luke nodded, pleased. At the very least, the kid took Luke's baseball advice to heart, and followed Luke's instructions religiously. Now, if he could only get the boy to clean up his room, Luke thought with a smile.
A rowdy bunch of high schoolers sat on the bottom two rows directly beneath Luke. Luke glared at the punks, hoping they'd settle down before the game began. One kid sat in the middle of the group of loud, restless boys, staring thoughtfully across the field.
“What the hell are we doing here, anyway?” one of the boys asked.
“Dave wants to watch the game,” another boy responded.
“Since when is he into baseball? He isn't ditching the pigskin, is he?”
“Xander's playing,” the boy in the middle shrugged.
Luke looked down at the group again, hearing his son's name. The boy in the middle was Dave McArdle. “Sheesh,” Luke muttered. “Just what I need.”
“Who the hell is Xander?” another boy in the group shot back.
“Aw, hell, that's his girlfriend's baby brother.”
“That's so cute. He's babysitting for Grace. Does she make you change Xander's diapers?”
“Knock it off,” Dave growled at the group of taunters.
“Dude, the kid is a freshman. You can't hang out with a freshman, that chick has got you pussy-whipped.”
“Hey!” Dave said loudly, turning around to face the boy. “Don't start with me. The kid is good, I've seen him play over the summer, just thought I'd check him out now that he's on the team. Shut up, already.”
“Pussy-whipped,” someone tittered.
Luke sat upright, clenching his fists. He had a feeling he was about to cause one of those scenes Gracie was always convinced he was on the verge of starting.
Dave slumped down against the risers, oblivious to Luke's presence. “Just watch the game,” he muttered.
“So is Grace a screamer?” Another boy teased. “The girl is a little cracked in the head, I'll betcha she's a freaking banshee in the sack.”
“Shut the hell up,” Dave growled.
“Come on man, dish, we gotta know what we're dealing with once you come back to reality and start dating in your own league.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Dave asked, spinning to face the boy.
“Well, look at the chick. She isn't exactly the kind of girl you normally go for,” the boy shrugged.
“She isn't a chick, and she's the prettiest girl in school, assmunch,” Dave scowled.
“Yeah, okay, she's hot, but she's weird,” the boy retorted.
“She isn't weird,” Dave shot back. “If she was so freaking weird, why is she so damn popular?”
“She isn't all that popular,” the boy fired back. “And she's a brain. She's always walking around with some stupid book shoved under her nose. She practically walked into the lockers last week. Mrs. Carter had to run interference.”
“Totally weird,” another kid chimed in.
“She called Chris Stoner an automaton. What the hell is an automaton?” another boy laughed.
“Geez, so she has a vocabulary. You're right, she's completely insane,” Dave sighed, turning back to watch the game.
Luke grinned. At least the punk was sticking up for Grace. And if all she had a reputation for was being a bookworm, Luke could sleep a little easier at night.
“So, spill, already,” one of the taunters pressed, grabbing Dave by the shoulders and shaking him. “Is she a banshee? Or is she a total dead-fuck?”
Luke's eyes widened. He clenched his teeth and got ready to pounce.
Dave stood up and spun around, grabbing the kid by his shirt. “Take that back,” he bellowed.
“Take what back? It was a simple question,” the kid yelled back.
“She isn't like that,” Dave growled. “And you need to stop talking about her like that, unless you want my fist in your grill.”
“Hey, I'm just sayin', Matt Jeffries said she polished his knob pretty good last year,” the kid yelped. “Just making sure you're not getting any diseases from the slut.”
“Matt Jeffries?” Dave roared, pulling the boy closer. “Matt Jeffries? He's a pathological liar! He never even had the nerve to say 'hello' to Grace! And you're going to believe the bullshit that comes out of his mouth? He swore he was banging the girl's field hockey coach, for Christ's sake!”
“Get the hell off me,” the kid whined.
“You take it back now,” Dave growled. “You take back the slut thing right now. Grace isn't a slut. Grace doesn't play like that, so you take it the fuck back right now!”
“No!” the kid roared back. “You think you can get in my face because of some airhead bitch? It isn't my fault you haven't been able to tap that ass. Go get laid, and get bent, you asshole!”
“Fuck you!” Dave bellowed, pulling back his arm and punching the kid in his face. The boy flew back against the bleachers, howling in pain.
“You son of a bitch!” the boy roared, getting up and slamming Dave to the ground. “Your girlfriend is a fucking whore!”
Dave rolled on top of the boy and pummeled him with blows. “She is not!” he yelled angrily. “You take it the hell back, she isn't a whore!” he roared as the boy caught him with a solid hit right in the nose.
Luke sighed and stood up, hurrying down to the boys rolling around in the grass. “Okay, knock it the hell off,” he growled, whacking Dave lightly on the back with his cane. The boys not participating in the wrestling match jumped to action, pulling the two aggressors apart.
“Get him out of here,” Luke grunted at the group, glaring at the bloody instigator. “And you'd better keep your trap shut, if you know what's good for you, punk,” he added.
“Who the hell..” the boy began furiously. He was immediately silenced by the boys trying to drag him away.
“Shut the hell up,” one of the kids hissed. “That's Grace's dad, he'll kill you.”
“Shit,” another boy mumbled. “Smooth move, asshole.” They dragged the boy away, glancing warily back at Luke and Dave.
Luke waited until they had gotten far enough away to suit him. He turned around to look at Dave, who was bent over, grasping his knees and panting for air.
“You okay?” Luke grunted, as Dave spat a mouthful of blood out.
“Yeah,” Dave wheezed.
“Sit down, catch your breath,” Luke instructed. Dave sat down on the bench, wiping his bloody nose with his t shirt.
Xander trotted over to the pair, concerned. “What the hell?” he whispered to Luke. “Ben said Dave was getting his ass kicked over here.”
“It's nothing,” Luke replied, shaking his head. “Don't worry about it, go concentrate on the game.”
“Did you do that?” Xander asked curiously.
“Aw, geez,” Luke muttered. “No, okay? Just had ringside seats. Go on, it's all good.”
“Okay,” Xander shrugged. “Here, give him my water, I'll get another one.”
Luke nodded. “Knock 'em dead,” he offered as Xander hurried back to the dugout. Luke handed the water bottle to Dave. “Get your second wind yet?”
“Shit,” Dave muttered, taking a swig of water. “How the hell long were you there?”
“Watch your mouth,” Luke frowned. “Saw the whole thing.”
“Damn it,” Dave moaned. “I mean...shoot.”
“It's okay,” Luke shrugged.
“She isn't like that,” Dave suddenly blurted out. “Grace is...she doesn't...and I wouldn't...she doesn't do that kind of stuff. Not at all,” he stammered.
“That's the impression I've always gotten,” Luke agreed, sitting down on the bench and leaning back against the next riser. “She tends to scorn the...more free spirited girls, if you get my meaning.”
Dave nodded. “I know you don't like me, and that's okay, but seriously, Mr. D., this school is crawling with real...tramps. There's a lot of people here who just, you know, do it. Just for the hell of it. That isn't my scene.”
“I see,” Luke nodded. “There were a few of those types in my day, too.”
“Can I be honest?” Dave asked warily.
“You haven't been up until now?” Luke shot back.
Dave laughed ruefully. “Gracie and I talked about this stuff, okay?”
“What kind of talk?” Luke asked, narrowing his eyes.
“I gotta be straight,” Dave shrugged. “Under the circumstances, and all. We...uh...discussed this kind of thing, especially after, you know, when I first met you?” he chuckled nervously.
“And?” Luke pressed.
“I know you know it, and, um...Grace never...you know, she's never...” Dave explained, scratching his head. “And um, truthfully, I haven't either. Ever,” he emphasized, looking Luke in the eye. “I swear it.”
“Okay,” Luke replied thoughtfully.
“Listen, she drives me nuts, I'm not going to lie,” Dave laughed. “She's totally gorgeous, and she's funny, and she's so damn smart, and I just...she isn't like anyone else out there, you know?”
“I've noticed,” Luke smiled.
“She drives me nuts,” Dave said again, shaking his head. “I think...oh crap, I can't believe I'm going to say this to you.”
“Say it,” Luke grunted.
“I think...I think I love her,” he sighed, ducking his head to hide the blush that crept over his face.
“Crap,” Luke muttered. “Are you serious?”
Dave nodded, smiling at Luke sheepishly. “Totally going to kick my ass now, aren't you?”
“Nah,” Luke admitted. “I guess I have to give you a little credit, you got your ass kicked already today for sticking up for the girl.”
“No, I didn't, “ Dave argued. “I totally won that fight.”
“I think it was a draw,” Luke laughed. “You both fight like girls.”
“Man,” Dave laughed. “What do I have to do to get in with you? I just defended your daughter's honor. That has to score more than just a couple of brownie points.”
“Maybe a few,” Luke admitted.
“I'm not trying to make myself sound like a monk,” Dave continued. “I'm not saying it isn't...you know, difficult, but...I'm not really looking for that...not right now,” he said softly.
“Good to know,” Luke nodded.
“Gracie has plans, and I have plans, and we don't want to screw those things up,” Dave said. “Not too many dancers get their start by getting pregnant at 16.”
“And your plans?” Luke asked. “Pro football, I suppose?”
“Nah,” Dave replied. “Trying to milk a football scholarship out of this, but I want to go into Engineering. I'm pretty fly with the numbers, ya know.”
“Didn't know that,” Luke said. “Gracie is pretty hard core about her dancing.”
“She's really good,” Dave enthused. “I don't really dig the ballet stuff, but she's really good. You can tell she's so much better than anyone else at Miss Patty's.”
“She is,” Luke smiled. “And what if your plans and her plans don't mesh after graduation?”
“I know,” Dave said miserably. “Trust me, I obsess about that all the time. But I guess that's why we don't go...you know...too far. We still have to get through high school, and we don't know what's going on with college, so, I know that stuff could split us up, but I hope it doesn't,” he shrugged.
“I'm going to be honest with you, kid,” Luke began. “I made some decisions when I was your age, and they blew up in my face. I...I loved her, that's all I'm going to say. It wasn't a casual choice, but we were too young to handle the pressure it added to our relationship. Things didn't go the way we thought they were going to go.”
“I get it,” Dave nodded.
“And I'm not just saying this because I'm the guy who's going to rip you to shreds if you ever touch my daughter, because I will,” Luke grinned. “But if I could go back, I would have waited. I should have waited. Hindsight is 20/20, and I'm just offering you the benefit of that hindsight.”
“I'll keep that in mind,” Dave said.
“She's pretty crazy about you too,” Luke admitted. “Hate to say it, but she's nuts about you.”
“Really?” Dave grinned. “Cool.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Luke grunted. “You just keep playing by the rules, and you'll live to see another day.”
“Got the rule book memorized,” Dave nodded enthusiastically. “I'm not going to mess this up.”
“Better not,” Luke growled. “Now shut up already, you pansy. I've missed an entire inning because of your sniveling.”
“Okay,” Dave grinned, leaning back against the riser. “Xander's going to own the team.”
“Yeah, he is,” Luke smiled. “He has a killer fastball.”
“Yeah,” Dave agreed, watching the game.
The pair watched silently for a few minutes, as Xander faced three batters and sent them back to the dugout in defeat.
“Grace is whipping up some spaghetti tonight,” Luke noted.
“She makes some wicked good spaghetti,” Dave replied.
“You could swing by and eat with us, if you aren't doing anything else,” Luke grunted.
“Yeah?” Dave asked warily. “That would be cool.”
“Yeah,” Luke sighed, rolling his eyes. “Cool.”
“Numbers are my thing, not vocabulary,” Dave grinned.
“Just be there on time. We eat at six sharp. If you're late, you're locked out,” Luke growled.
“Got it,” Dave replied. “Thanks, Mr. D.”
“Uh huh,” Luke murmured, distracted. “Now shut up, Xan's batting.”
Dave shut up, and concentrated on the game.
Luke was silent for a few minutes. “You do right by my girl, okay?” he said softly.
Dave nodded. “I will, I swear.”
Chapter 41: The Opposite Of All Right
“Dad when can we go camping?” Sammie asked, rifling through her book bag in the backseat of the family SUV.
“It's getting kind of cool for camping,” Luke sighed, glancing in the rear view mirror.
“But we should go one more time before winter,” Drew chimed in.
“You're killing me,” Luke grumbled as he turned the SUV towards home.
“It'll be fun,” Sammie nodded.
“Fun?” Luke snorted. “You two always beg to go camping, and then when we do, you whine incessantly about not having any access to your MySpace pages.”
“We should go,” Drew argued.
“Why?” Luke asked suspiciously.
Sammie looked at Drew in defeat. “We kind of have a project for science class.”
“What does that have to do with camping?” Luke asked.
“There's a larvae thing we have to do,” Drew explained.
“Larvae?” Luke frowned. “There's no larvae in Stars Hollow?”
“Not the good kind,” Sammie moaned.
“There's good larvae?” Luke chuckled.
“We want better stuff,” Drew explained. “If we go up to the woods, our projects will be a heck of a lot better.”
“Yeah,” Sammie chimed in. “We can't get straight A's if we're just following the crowd.”
“You wouldn't want us to do just the minimum, right Dad?” Drew conned.
“You really think I'm falling for this, guys?” Luke laughed.
“Aw, Dad, come on. Everyone in class is crawling around at the lake taking samples,” Sammie pleaded. “Where else are we going to get samples, the diner?”
“There's no larvae at the diner,” Luke growled.
“But there's tons of it in the woods,” Drew noted.
“Aw, geez,” Luke moaned as they pulled up in front of the house. “I'll see what we can do. No promises.”
“Awesome,” Sammie grinned.
“You're my favorite Dad ever,” Drew said cheerfully.
“Gee, thanks,” Luke snarked. The trio got out of the SUV and made their way into the house. “Get upstairs and get cracking on the homework,” Luke directed.
“Hi Mom,” Sammie yelped as she scurried up the stairs.
“Hiya, Mom,” Drew added, running behind Sammie.
“Hey, lady,” Luke sighed, throwing his keys on the desk. “You're home early.”
“Yep,” Lorelai whispered, not looking up.
Luke looked at Lorelai, feeling a sudden surge of concern. “What's wrong?” he asked.
Lorelai shrugged. “Um, you know, Sookie started a fire in the kitchen, Michel was surly, my Dad died.”
“What?” Luke asked, rushing to Lorelai's side. “Are you serious? What the hell happened? When did it happen? When did you find out? Oh my god, Lorelai,” he choked out, sitting next to his wife.
“Um, I don't know,” Lorelai said quietly. She sat with her head lowered, staring at her lap. Lorelai sniffled, and rubbed her nose roughly. “I, uh...Mom called....and she's got her lawyers buzzing around, and she was all formal, and dutiful....he had a heart attack. Christ, he had a heart attack.”
“Jesus,” Luke whispered, grasping Lorelai's hand. “What do you need me to do, baby?”
“I don't know,” Lorelai replied, her voice cracking.
“Want to just sit here?” Luke asked, running his fingers through Lorelai's hair. Lorelai nodded, and lay her head on Luke's chest. Luke hugged her close, kissing her gently on the top of her head. “I'm sorry, hon, I'm so sorry,” he murmured as Lorelai tried to fight back her tears.
“Hey, Mom, we have field trip papers that need signed,” Drew bellowed, running down the stairs. Luke held up his hand as the boy approached. Drew skidded to a halt, and looked quizzically toward Lorelai. “Mom?” he asked, confused by Lorelai's demeanor.
“Hey, Doo, why don't you give your Mom and me some alone time here?” Luke whispered.
“No,” Lorelai moaned, sitting up. “Doo, go get your sister, we need to talk.”
“Now?” Luke asked uncertainly. “Sure you don't need a minute to...”
Lorelai shook her head. “Now,” she whispered.
“Get Sammie,” Luke nodded at Drew.
Drew turned around and threw back his head. “Sammie!” he bellowed.
Lorelai smiled wanly. “Atta boy,” she said shakily.
“What?” Sammie yelled from the top of the stairs.
“Come down here!” Drew hollered back.
Sammie clomped down the stairs. “What for?” she asked, looking at Lorelai and furrowing her brow.
Lorelai leaned forward and grabbed a tissue, blowing her nose. “We gotta talk, guys.”
“Uh oh,” Drew sighed.
“Didn't do it,” Sammie said.
“Something happened,” Luke sighed. “Uh...want to sit down, guys?”
Drew and Sammie plopped down onto the love seat. “What's up?” Drew asked nervously.
Lorelai drew in a deep breath of air. “It's your grandfather, Sweetie. He...he had a heart attack.”
“Oh crap,” Sammie moaned.
“Is he okay?” Drew asked, wide eyed.
“He passed away, Babies,” Lorelai replied softly, her voice wavering.
“Gramp?” Drew gasped.
“Oh crap,” Sammie sighed again. She grabbed a throw pillow and buried her face in it.
“Gramp?” Drew asked again, looking from Sammie to Lorelai.
“You okay, guys?” Luke asked.
“Gramp,” Drew whispered. Sammie sniffled loudly into the pillow, not raising her head.
Drew stood up and started to walk out of the room.
“Doo?” Lorelai whispered. Drew only shook his head, and walked out the front door, hands jammed in his pockets. “Luke,” she sighed.
“Just give him a minute,” Luke replied, stroking Lorelai's face. “He just needs to collect himself.”
“Gramp,” Sam moaned, her voice muffled.
“Come here, Baby,” Lorelai urged. Sammie got up and ran to Lorelai, squeezing between her parents, and lowering her head into Lorelai's lap.
Luke rubbed Sammie's back as she lay with Lorelai. “I'll go call April and Rory,” he murmured, kissing Lorelai's forehead. “Are you going to be okay?” he asked, his brow furrowed with concern.
Lorelai nodded, and Luke rose to his feet. He grabbed the telephone and walked out to the kitchen to make the phone calls.
Grace and Xander walked in through the front door. “Hey Mom?” Grace said. “What's up with Doo? He's acting weird.”
“Weirder than normal,” Xander pointed out.
“Guys, come over here,” Lorelai sighed. “Got some bad news.”
“Oh boy,” Xander replied, sitting next to Lorelai. “What's up with her?” he asked, looking at Sammie.
“Gramp,” Sammie muttered, swiping angrily at the tears that were rolling down her cheek.
“What about Gramp?” Grace asked, sitting next to Sammie. “Mom? What's wrong with Gramp?”
“He had a heart attack today,” Lorelai sighed, closing her eyes. “He didn't make it, Sweetie.”
“Jesus,” Xander whispered, raising his hands to his baseball cap.
“Oh,” Grace said softly, raising her hand to her mouth. “Oh, Gramp.”
Lorelai swiped away a tear that had escaped from her eye. “It was quick,” she explained in a dull monotone. “He probably didn't...you know...it probably...it happened quickly.”
Luke walked back into the living room. “Hi, guys,” he said softly. “Uh, Rory and April are getting here as quickly as they can, okay?”
Lorelai nodded.
“Rory said she will call you back tonight,” Luke added. “Give you some time to...I don't know,” he sighed. “This sucks.”
“Yeah,” Xander nodded. “This blows. Christ.”
“I'm going to go check in with your mother,” Luke decided. Lorelai looked at Luke quizzically.
“Okay,” she nodded. “Um...maybe I should go, too.”
“You stay here,” Luke advised. “I'll tell her you need to be with the kids, and I'm just going to make sure she doesn't need any assistance. We'll all go over tomorrow.”
“Okay,” Lorelai said distantly.
“We got her,” Grace said, grabbing a tissue.
“I'll be back as soon as I can, call if you need anything,” Luke replied, grabbing his keys and heading out the door. He stopped on the porch, watching Drew. “You okay, guy?” Luke asked.
Drew shrugged, wiping his tear stained face. “Fine,” he muttered.
“I need to check on your grandmother,” Luke explained. “Can I count on you to keep an eye out on your mother for me?
Drew nodded and got to his feet, walking past Luke. Luke reached out and stopped the boy, putting his arms around him. “Nothing wrong with being upset,” Luke whispered. Drew sighed heavily into Luke's chest.
“I hate this,” Drew muttered.
“Me too,” Luke replied. “Go take care of your Mom, okay?”
“Okay,” Drew nodded, and walked into the house.
Luke returned a couple of hours later. He walked into the house, frowning at the emptiness of the living room. Luke walked into the kitchen, but nobody was there, either. He peeked into the bedrooms on the first floor, but Xander and Grace were nowhere to be found. Luke climbed the stairs, looking down the hall at the twins' darkened bedrooms. “Where the hell is everybody?” he wondered aloud as he headed for his and Lorelai's bedroom.
Luke opened the door, and leaned on the door frame, silently observing the tangle of Danes family flopped on the bed. Lorelai lay in the center of the bed, a twin in each arm. Grace and Xander bookended the group. All of the children were fast asleep. Luke walked toward the bed and grabbed the blanket that was bunched up at the foot of the bed. He pulled the blanket up over Grace, Sammie, and Lorelai, then walked to the other side of the bed, covering Drew and Xander with the other end of the blanket.
Lorelai stirred, opening her eyes as Luke moved around the room. “Hey,” she murmured. “How is she?”
“She's okay,” Luke shrugged. “She's on autopilot.”
“Is she mad at me for not coming?” Lorelai whispered.
“No,” Luke said, shaking his head. “She said to just take care of the kids and she'll see us tomorrow.”
“But is she okay?” Lorelai repeated.
“Of course not,” Luke said softly. “But she isn't accepting it yet.”
“I should be there,” Lorelai sighed.
“She needs her time,” Luke explained. “She needs to deal with it on her own at the moment.”
“How did you get so good at reading people?” Lorelai asked.
“I remember my Dad when Mom died,” Luke shrugged. “And Buddy. And hell, me after Dad died. Sometimes, you just need to be alone to figure things out.”
“Thanks for checking on her,” Lorelai smiled.
“How are they?” Luke asked, regarding the sleeping children.
“Miserable,” Lorelai sighed. “Big fat misery club.”
“They love him,” Luke replied.
“Yeah,” Lorelai said. “They made me dinner, and made me watch some Ab Fab.”
“So they wanted to torture you?” Luke grimaced.
“I like our kids,” Lorelai said, her eyes welling up.
“They're good kids,” Luke grinned.
“Family takes care of family,” Lorelai replied softly. “Glad that rule always seems to stick.”
“We should get some sleep,” Luke pointed out.
“Gonna be a long day tomorrow,” Lorelai frowned. “I really don't want it to come. I'm not ready for this, Luke.”
“I know,” Luke sighed. “I'm sorry.”
“How did you do it?” Lorelai asked, a tear sliding down her cheek. “I mean, you were seven when your Mom died. How the hell did you do it? And you were barely a grown up when you lost your dad. How? I can barely breathe, and at least I have the slightest hint of comfort in knowing at least Dad lived a long life.”
“I don't know,” Luke answered truthfully. “You just...keep going on. I don't know how to explain it.”
“Come to bed,” Lorelai murmured.
Luke nodded. “Let me get changed.” Luke grabbed his pajama pants and a t shirt, and headed for the bathroom. He re-emerged in a few minutes.
Luke walked to his side of the bed. “Uh, Lorelai?” he asked.
“Hmm?” she intoned.
“Where the hell am I going to sleep?”
Chapter 42: Chuck Berry And A Funeral
The Danes family stood at the door to the Gilmore residence. Lorelai gripped Luke's hand tightly as Xander rang the doorbell.
“Okay,” Lorelai breathed. “I can do this. We can do this.”
“I'm right here,” Luke murmured, bringing Lorelai's hand to his lips, and brushing a soft kiss across her knuckles. “Not going anywhere.”
“Better not,” Lorelai said shakily.
The maid answered the door. “Mr. Danes, Mrs. Danes, please come in,” she greeted them, offering a sad smile to Lorelai. The family walked into the sitting room, where Emily sat sipping a cup of tea.
“Hi, Mom,” Lorelai whispered.
“Hello, Lorelai,” Emily said primly.
“How are you holding up, Mom?” Lorelai asked.
“Well, the flowers arrangements are nothing like I wanted, that insufferable funeral director has no spine when it comes to the florist, so I guess we'll have white lilies,” Emily complained. “Can you believe that? Very...predictable. Richard hates lilies.”
Lorelai stared at Emily. “So it's the flowers that are bothering you, not the Dad is dead concept?” she asked sharply.
Emily returned Lorelai's gaze. “Lorelai,” she began.
“Never mind,” Lorelai retorted, sitting down on the couch.
Emily was silent for a moment. “It's easier worrying about the flowers,” she whispered, nervously smoothing her skirt.
“I get it,” Lorelai nodded, relaxing a bit.
“Well come and sit, children,” Emily sighed, motioning for them to sit down. Luke herded the children the rest of the way into the sitting room.
“Grammy,” Grace said sadly, and sank to her knees, giving Emily a hug.
“Gracie,” Emily whispered.
“I miss him,” Grace sighed, her voice quaking.
“Me too,” Emily replied, kissing Grace on the forehead.
“Hey, Grammy,” Xander said. He bent over and kissed Emily's cheek. “This really sucks,” he muttered as Emily stroked his cheek.
“Yes, it does,” she smiled wanly. Emily rose to her feet. “Well?” she asked, looking expectantly at the twins. Sammie and Drew hurried to Emily and threw their arms around her.
“Thank you,” Emily sighed. “It's comforting having an infinite supply of hugs.”
“Rory will get in tomorrow morning, and April is flying in this evening,” Luke informed Emily.
“Good,” Emily nodded. “It will be good to see them. They both called last evening. I'm sorry they have to go to so much trouble.”
“It's no trouble, Mom,” Lorelai said softly. “It's just family.”
“Yes,” Emily replied. “It is, isn't it?”
“Have you eaten?” Luke asked.
“No, I haven't,” Emily frowned. “Cook doesn't come in until later this afternoon, and I haven't really considered any food.”
“Well, we'll go whip something up,” Luke offered. “Come on, brats, let's go wrangle up some sandwiches or something.” Luke led the children into the kitchen, leaving Emily and Lorelai alone.
“So,” Lorelai said, clearing her throat.
“This is odd,” Emily said, a distant look in her eyes.
“Yeah,” Lorelai whispered. “Mom...”
“Yes?” Emily asked.
“Just...I don't know, I don't know how to act,” Lorelai groaned. “I want to cry, but if I do, I won't stop, but I want the knot in my stomach to go away, and I don't know how to make it go away.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” Emily replied. She rose to her feet and moved to the couch, sitting down next to Lorelai. “I don't know how to do this,” she shrugged, tears welling up in her eyes. “I don't know how to not be his wife anymore.”
“Oh, Mom,” Lorelai moaned, laying her head on Emily's shoulder. “I don't know how to not have a father anymore.”
“I suppose we both have a lot to learn,” Emily murmured. “He was so proud of you,” she added, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief.
“Really?” Lorelai asked, not moving her head.
“All he ever bragged about at our social engagements was his beautiful entrepreneur daughter, and his restaurateur son-in-law, and the lovely babies they made,” Emily smiled. “He stole that from you, that awful 'Luke and Lorelai make beautiful babies' proclamation.”
“Some of my best material,” Lorelai grinned, swiping a tear from her cheek.
“He loved those babies,” Emily mused. “Every one of them. And he loved April, too. Just the same as he loved Rory and the rest.”
“I know,” Lorelai sniffled. “I loved that you two accepted her so easily.”
“She's family,” Emily nodded. “And you have a very thoughtful husband. I was shocked to see him last night. He was very kind.”
“He wanted to make sure you were okay,” Lorelai sighed. “I should have come, too, but I wasn't ready to face it yet.”
“I understand,” Emily assured Lorelai. “I think it would have been too much, last night. I needed to...not face it yet, as well.”
“Was he seriously still calling Luke an restaurateur?” Lorelai giggled through her tears.
“Yes,” Emily smiled. “He was.”
“I love you, Mom,” Lorelai murmured. “I know I don't say it, but I do.”
Emily rubbed Lorelai's shoulder thoughtfully. “I love you too, Lorelai,” she replied softly.
“I miss him,” Lorelai gasped. She buried her face in her hand. “I really miss him.”
“I miss him too,” Emily sighed, as she began to shed tears of her own. She reached for Lorelai's free hand, clutching it tightly in her own as they wept.
“Well, we have some semblance of a lunch thrown together,” Luke announced as he and the children walked back into the sitting room.
“Thank you, Luke,” Emily sniffled, wiping her tears away.
“Aw, Grammy,” Sammie sighed, and wiggled in between Emily and Lorelai.
“Pushy,” Lorelai laughed, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.
“Move it,” Sammie muttered, wiggling her hips to nudge Lorelai over.
“I'm moving, I'm moving,” Lorelai retorted. “Brat.”
“Did I mention how much this sucks?” Xander groaned, flopping on the couch next to Emily.
“Such a vocabulary,” Emily smiled.
“He didn't get to see me pitch,” Xander murmured, looking at Emily sadly.
“He wanted to,” Emily sighed. “He was really eager to be at your first real game.”
Drew plopped next to Lorelai. “Hey, Sport, how you doing?” she asked.
Drew shrugged and stared at his shoes, as Lorelai ruffled his hair. He leaned his head on Lorelai's shoulder and sighed shakily. “I know,” she whispered, wrapping her arm around Drew.
“Geez,” Grace moaned, and buried her face in Luke's chest. “Gramp.”
“It's okay, baby girl,” Luke soothed, stroking Grace's curls as she broke down.
“I could really use Bunbun,” Grace groaned. “Haven't needed Bunbun in years.”
“Liar,” Luke chuckled. “I saw you break out Bunbun when you were trying to get into Miss Patty's advanced class.”
“If you tell Dave about Bunbun, I'm going to kill you,” Grace wept. “Bunbun is classified information.”
“Only if you admit Bunbun gets busted out more than you cop to,” Luke whispered.
“Fine,” Grace admitted, her voice muffled. “Bunbun works under the table.”
“That's what I thought,” Luke smiled. “Bunbun is good people.”
Grace nodded against Luke's chest.
“Okay, so we're just the sorriest bunch of people ever assembled,” Lorelai sighed, wiping away her tears.
“Pathetic,” Sammie chimed in, wiping her nose with a tissue.
“Let's go eat, Grammy,” Xander urged.
“I don't think I'm very hungry,” Emily sighed.
“Just try, okay?” Xander pleaded.
“All right, I will,” Emily smiled.
Lorelai stood up and held her hand out to Emily. “Come on Mom,” she smiled. “Let's go get some grub, then we're going to organize one humdinger of a send off for Dad.”
Emily took Lorelai's hand and stood next to her. “I still need to select some music, would you help with that?”
Lorelai nodded. “Absolutely.”
“Chuck Berry!” Sammie yelped.
“At a funeral?” Emily asked as they walked out to the dining room.
“Absolutely,” Grace squealed. “Gramp would totally flip if we did that.”
“Flip?” Emily asked. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
“I think it's good in this context,” Luke laughed.
“Chuck Berry at Richard's funeral,” Emily mused. “I do believe he would love that.”
ooo
The family gathered two days later at the Gilmore private burial plot. Emily had chosen to have a church service for family and friends, but a private burial, with only immediate family present. The gathered family stood silently at Richard's coffin as the Reverend intoned the final burial ceremony. Emily and Lorelai stood together in front of Luke and the children, clutching each other's hand tightly. Rory stood behind April, her arms wrapped around April's shoulders as the pair sniffled miserably throughout the service. Luke stood with his arm around a silently weeping Grace, and his other hand on Xander's shoulder as Xander stared glumly at the flowers on Richard's coffin.
Luke studied Xander for a moment, realizing that the boy's intense stare was probably at least partially due to his desperate battle to not start sneezing at the pungent aromas emanating from the dangerously close floral arrangement. Luke felt a small smile twitch at the corner of his mouth as he saw Xander's reddened nose wrinkle up slightly from the effort. Luke felt a little guilty about the smirk he was trying to fight back, but figured Richard would be more than a little amused to witness the boy's battle with his own sinuses, and would forgive Luke his transgression.
Luke glanced beyond Xander, to make sure Sammie and Drew were doing okay. Sammie was leaning on Drew's shoulder, while Drew absentmindedly twirled a lock of Sammie's hair around his finger. It was something the boy had done since Sammie had first sprouted hair, and on the rare occasion that they were in need of comfort from one another, Drew tended to fall back on the old habit. As a baby, Sammie never sucked her own thumb, but Drew's thumb was always fair game. Lorelai and Luke had spent many a time howling in laughter as Drew tried to crawl away from the girl, only to have Sammie eventually tackle him and take possession of his thumb. Lorelai's absolute favorite photo of the twins as infants was a shot of the two sleeping side by side on the floor, each baby sucking contentedly on the other's thumb. The picture was still proudly displayed on the mantle in their living room, much to the chagrin of the twins. Luke sighed, grateful that the usually bickering duo still had no problem falling back on standard twin solidarity when the going got rough.
Luke turned his focus to his other side, narrowing his eyes at Dave McArdle. The boy was clearly out of his element in the suit and tie, and kept glancing nervously at the ground. Luke looked at him quizzically. Dave looked from the casket to the ground yet again. Luke choked down a snort as Dave shifted slightly away from Grace. Luke, just before the graveside service, had thrown out one of the random threats he tended to hurl at the boy just for entertainment value. He had gruffly told Dave to stay at least three paces away from Grace. Luke was pretty certain the boy had just realized he was slightly past the allotted distance and had adjusted accordingly. Luke shook his head, trying to refocusing on the Reverend's words. He made a mental note to go a little easier on the kid. As much as Luke hated to admit it, Dave had been nothing but a stellar boyfriend to Grace, especially in the last couple of days. Grace was having an especially difficult time dealing with Richard's death, and Dave was jumping through hoops trying to find ways to cheer the girl up. The twins had each other, and Xander spent a lot of time venting his grief at the batting cages. Emily had a herd of grandchildren more than eager to comfort her. Lorelai and Rory still had their best friends bond to rely on, and April's bluntness tended to keep her from bottling up too much emotion. Grace still was the most sensitive of the crew. Luke sympathized. She was cursed with the same fix-it gene he possessed, and he was more than familiar with that sense of utter helplessness when there was nothing that could be repaired. Luke was a bit overwhelmed trying to look out for Emily, keeping Lorelai from falling apart, and splitting the comforting father role amongst six kids. It twisted his stomach into knots to peek in on his sixteen year old daughter and find her sleeping fitfully, clutching that beat up old purple bunny she'd had since the day she was born.
The Reverend finished with his final blessing and Emily approached him to offer her thanks. Lorelai stood by herself by her father's casket.
“Hey baby girl,” Luke whispered. “I'm going to check in on your mother okay?” Grace nodded and unleashed her grip on Luke, wiping the tears from her eyes. Dave took a step back, eying Luke warily. Luke rolled his eyes. “Prop her up, will you?” he grunted at the boy. Dave nodded and stepped forward, putting his arm around Grace's waist and leading her away.
Luke walked up behind Lorelai, wrapping his arms around her. “How you holding up?” he whispered.
Lorelai shrugged, leaning back into Luke's embrace. “Daddy,” she moaned softly.
“I know,” Luke sighed, kissing Lorelai's temple. “Believe me, I know.”
“We have to take care of Mom now,” Lorelai choked out, tears still streaming down her face. “I don't think she'll handle this very well for a long while.”
“No,” Luke replied. “It's going to take her a long time.”
“So, we'll look out for her, right?” Lorelai asked.
“Of course we will,” Luke assured her.
“She said Dad told her she could go first,” Lorelai sighed. “It doesn't work that way, does it?”
“Nope,” Luke nodded. “The world would be a boring place if we got everything we wanted.”
“Huh,” Lorelai smiled through her tears. “See, I got everything I wanted, and life isn't so boring.”
“Yeah,” Luke agreed. “But see, we have to take our lumps in exchange for getting what we wanted.”
“This is one hell of a lump,” Lorelai said sadly. “Did it feel like this for you?” she asked. “Did it feel like you just wanted to stand in the middle of the room and scream until you didn't have a voice left?”
“Pretty much,” Luke admitted. “I did the next best thing, though.”
“What?” Lorelai asked, curious.
“I got really, really drunk,” Luke grinned.
“Really?” Lorelai smiled.
“Passed out in Liz's bean bag chair,” he chuckled.
“Luke was a bad boy,” Lorelai laughed softly.
Luke looked over his shoulder, making sure there were no prying ears. “Know what else?” he continued.
“What?” Lorelai asked.
“Liz gave me a joint,” Luke groaned, ducking his head into Lorelai's shoulder.
“Oh my god,” Lorelai gasped, spinning around to face Luke. “You? 'Only Dopes Use Dope' Danes hit the wacky weed?”
Luke shrugged. “It was a really rough night,” he offered weakly. “And it was only one time.”
“And let me guess, you didn't inhale?” Lorelai snorted, covering her mouth with her hand.
“Oh, I inhaled,” Luke admitted. “Don't let that get out, okay? I think even Liz forgot about that.”
“Well, yeah, with all the boozing and the drugging,” Lorelai snarked. “Did you snort a line of ants, too? Bite the head off of a bat?”
“No,” Luke sighed. “I just turned my Dad's hardware store into a diner. It was a pretty controversial move at the time. People were still asking me if I sold ball peen hammers three years after I opened Luke's.”
“Hey, Luke?” Lorelai asked, laying her head on his chest.
“Yeah?” Luke replied, stroking Lorelai's hair.
“Can we make unrealistic promises about death?” she asked softly. “Just so I can sleep easier at night?”
“Sure,” Luke smiled. “What kind of promises are we talking about?”
“You and me,” Lorelai explained. “Let's never, ever die, okay?”
“Okay,” Luke nodded. “We won't die. We'll just keep going on and on and on.”
“Good,” Lorelai sighed. “Because I don't want to go first, and I don't want to go second, so that leaves us in the difficult position of settling for immortality.”
“It's a burden,” Luke agreed. “I'm sure we can work something out, though.”
“Thanks,” Lorelai smiled. “I love you, even if you are a liar.”
“I love you, too,” Luke whispered.
Chapter 43: One Bad Turn And One Confused Boyfriend
Luke stared at Kirk, exasperated. “Kirk, by the time you get your order in, I'll be closing for the night,” Luke sighed.
“I'm having difficulty narrowing down my choices,” Kirk replied, frowning as he scanned the diner menu.
“Do I have to tell you how many years it's been since I've changed the menu?” Luke growled.
“It's been a while,” Kirk mused.
“So why are you having difficulty?” Luke moaned.
“I just can't decide between the grilled cheese and tomato soup, or the meat loaf platter,” Kirk explained.
Luke glared at Kirk, and began to scribble in his pad. “Okay, good choice, one hot roast beef sandwich coming right up.”
“What?” Kirk asked, looking up at Luke in confusion. “I didn't...”
“I'll have your order out in a minute,” Luke replied, turning around and heading for the kitchen.
“But I...I think I want meat loaf,” Kirk yelled after Luke.
“You snooze you lose, Kirk,” Luke yelled over his shoulder.
“Okay,” Kirk pouted. “Can I get extra mashed potatoes?”
“That depends,” Luke grunted. “Does Lulu like you better alive or dead?”
“Uh, alive, I think,” Kirk stammered.
“Then the answer is 'no',” Luke shrugged, grabbing the coffee pot and filling up the cup of a diner sitting at the counter.
“Okay,” Kirk said in defeat.
Lorelai walked into the diner and sidled up to the counter. “Hey, big boy,” she said seductively.
“What are you doing here?” Luke asked, frowning at his watch.
“What do you say we go for a ride, gorgeous?” Lorelai asked, flirtatiously curling a lock of her hair around her finger.
“Why?” Luke asked, looking at Lorelai suspiciously.
“Because it's a nice night for a ride?” Lorelai shrugged. “Because things have been kind of grim lately, and getting out would be nice?”
“What's up?” Luke asked as Lorelai nervously straightened up a pile of menus.
“Um, okay, just don't flip out on me, okay?” Lorelai began.
Luke folded his arms and fixed a penetrating gaze on Lorelai's face. “What...is...going...on?” he asked through clenched teeth.
“Okay, so, it's no big deal, but, um...Grace kind of took a spill at her dance lesson, and she twisted her ankle pretty bad,” Lorelai blurted out.
“Crap,” Luke sighed, “Caesar! I'm out! Emergency!”
“Okay, Boss!” Caesar yelled.
“Finish up and find a home,” Luke told the smattering of customers. “We're closed.”
“Calm down,” Lorelai sighed as Luke grabbed his jacket.
“Where is she? How bad is it? Is it just a sprain?” Luke asked storming out of the diner with Lorelai hot on his heels.
“In the car, I don't know, and that's why we're going to the hospital, for an x-ray,” Lorelai explained as Luke spotted Lorelai's car and headed toward it. “Calm down,” Lorelai repeated. “And I'm driving.”
Luke pulled open the back door of the car. “Are you okay?” he rasped, peering in at Grace.
Grace lay across the back seat of the car, her foot propped up on her bag. She waved at Luke and smiled sheepishly. “Oops,” she shrugged. “Big problem with the jette?”
“Geez,” Luke muttered, closing the back door, and getting in the passenger side door.
“We're fine,” Lorelai smiled, getting behind the steering wheel. “I figured you'd garrote me if I didn't pick you up, though.”
“Got that right,” Luke sighed. “Where's the rest of the kids?”
“Xander is heading up Operation Pizza Delivery/Con The Twins Into Going To Bed at the Crap Shack,” Lorelai replied.
“You okay?” Luke asked again, turning to look at Grace.
“Just avoid potholes, that's all I ask,” she begged as Lorelai began to drive toward the hospital.
“Can you move it?” Luke frowned, twisting around in his seat to try and see Grace's foot. “Wait, maybe you shouldn't be moving it. Is it swollen? Is it...like, black?”
“I twisted it, Pop, I didn't get frostbite,” Grace sighed.
“Did you hear anything?” Luke pressed.
“Like what?” Grace laughed.
“Like a 'pop', or a 'snap'?” Luke shrugged.
“I heard my butt hitting the floor, and I heard myself say 'Crap' and 'Ow',” Grace replied, rolling her eyes. “I'm sure I wouldn't be so chatty if it were broken, Pop.”
“Just checking,” Luke scowled. “I'm concerned about my kid. Sue me.”
“Give me fifty bucks over allowance, and we can settle out of court,” Grace beamed.
“Fat chance,” Luke snorted. “You at least need a blood transfusion before that kind of blackmail will work on me.”
“Will you two knock it off?” Lorelai laughed. “Seriously, being trapped in the car with the Bickersons isn't my idea of quality entertainment.”
“We're not bickering,” Luke sulked, sliding down in his seat.
“Hey, G, want your Pop to give Dave a heads up?” Lorelai asked.
“Huh?” Grace asked.
Luke pulled out his cell phone. “What's his number? I'll hand it off to you, I'm not really interested in making small talk with Doug Flutie there.”
“Oh, don't worry about it,” Grace shrugged. “No reason to call him.”
“What do you mean?” Lorelai asked, glancing in the rear view mirror. “Afraid he may throw himself on his own sword if he hears the fair Gracie has been injured?”
“Nah,” Grace said, shaking her head. “I just don't feel like talking right now.”
“To Dave?” Lorelai giggled. “You get the D.T.s if you don't get to school twenty minutes early just so you two can console each other over having to spend a whole ten hours apart.”
“Do not,” Grace muttered, setting her hair free from the loose bun she had gathered it into for her lesson.
Luke laughed out loud. “Gracie, I need you, I love you, you're the air I breathe,” Luke said in a deep voice. “Oh Dave, I can't possibly survive an entire round of REM sleep without you,” he continued in a falsetto voice. Luke lowered his voice again as Lorelai laughed out loud. “Take my jacket so you can inhale my football fumes. No, take my socks, my fungus will keep you company.” Luke elevated his voice an couple of octaves. “Oh, Dave, take my tutu so you won't be lonely. No, take my shower puff, it smells like my soap.”
“Pop,” Grace yelled furiously. “Knock it the hell off, I don't want to deal with him right now, okay?”
“Sorry,” Luke mumbled, flinching at the sharpness in Grace's voice. “And watch your mouth.”
“Sorry,” Grace sighed.
“What's up?” Lorelai asked as they pulled up to the Emergency Room entrance.
“Later,” Grace shrugged. “I gotta deal with my foot, right now.”
“Okay,” Lorelai nodded, looking at Luke with concern on her face.
Luke shrugged back at Lorelai. “Okay, kid, am I carrying you in or should I get a wheelchair?”
“Wheelchair,” Grace replied, picking at a button on her jacket. “Don't want you to knock the synthetic thigh out of whack.”
Luke nodded and got out of the car, in search of a wheelchair.
“Anything happen that should concern us?” Lorelai asked pointedly.
“Mom, it's no big deal,” Grace sighed. “Its just...we're not together anymore.”
“We'll talk about this later, right?” Lorelai cajoled. “Don't pull the Luke routine and clam up on me, Babe.”
“Later,” Grace promised halfheartedly.
“I'm sorry, Sweetie,” Lorelai offered sincerely as Luke returned with a wheelchair, opening the door for Grace.
Luke leaned into the car, gathering Grace into his arms. “Pop, be careful,” Grace hissed as he began to lift her up.
“I can handle two steps, G, I don't have a styrofoam insert in the leg,” Luke grinned, pulling Grace out of the car and sitting her gently in the chair. “See? No damage,” Luke grunted as Lorelai pushed Grace into the hospital. Lorelai glared surreptitiously at him as he grimaced in pain and fell into step behind the girls, trying not to limp noticeably.
As soon as Grace was whisked away for an examination and an x-ray, Lorelai whipped around to face Luke. “You're going to end up with yet another surgery if you keep doing dumb things like that, mister.”
“It was just for a second,” Luke sighed. “Momentary discomfort, I wasn't going to run in here with her slung over my shoulder, and spike her at the Admissions desk.”
Lorelai snorted. “That's an awesome image.”
Luke grinned and shook his head. “Get any dirt on the Dave situation? I was trying to give you time to grill her.”
“Good job, Poppy,” Lorelai gasped. “Always thinking ahead.”
Luke nodded, tapping himself on the temple. “Gotta cover all the bases.”
Lorelai leaned close to Luke. “They broke up,” she whispered.
“What?” Luke bellowed. “What did he do to her? Did he try to...Oh, I'm going to kill that putz, what did he say to her? If he laid one finger on her, I will rip his fucking head off. What the hell happened? Huh?”
Lorelai grabbed Luke by the shoulders. “Calm down, you're scaring the normal people,” she hissed. “Watch your mouth, keep your voice down, and I don't know, she didn't say.”
“Oh, he's dead,” Luke growled, slouching back in his chair. “He is so beyond dead. Death will be way too lenient for that putz.”
“Just keep your cool until we figure out what happened,” Lorelai urged. “They're sixteen. Boyfriends come and go, okay?
Luke stared at the wall as they waited for news on Grace's condition, plotting Dave's imminent demise. The time passed quickly as he ran through various painful scenarios in his mind. He had finally settled on vivisection with a side of thumb breaking when he noticed Grace being rolled out of the examination area by an orderly.
“What's the verdict?” Lorelai asked, hurrying to Grace's side. Luke followed Lorelai over and took control of the wheelchair.
“Sprain,” Grace shrugged. “Got some crutches. Not too bad.”
“I'll get the car,” Luke murmured, kissing Grace on the head and leaving the girls to handle the discharge procedure.
The threesome drove back to Stars Hollow in relative silence. Luke peered at Grace in the rear view mirror. “Feeling okay?” he finally asked.
“Sleepy,” Grace yawned. “Good pills they gave me.”
“Junkie,” Lorelai smiled.
“You stay home from school tomorrow,” Luke insisted as they pulled up in front of the house. “Need to stay off that foot for a day, give it a jump start in the healing process.”
“Okay,” Grace nodded. “Want my bed,” she smiled loopily. “Sleep would be...divinely.”
“Oh boy,” Lorelai smirked. “She's totally baked.”
Luke and Lorelai guided Grace out of the car and helped her into the house and into her bedroom. “Scat, Poppy,” Lorelai shooed, sitting on the bed next to Grace. “I'll help her get ready for bed.”
Luke walked out of the bedroom and stood in the middle of the living room. Xander was asleep on the couch, an empty pizza box in his lap. “Bottomless pit,” Luke sighed, narrowing his eyes as he saw a shadow pass in front of the door. Luke walked over to the foyer, grabbing his cane before he flung the door open. He stepped out onto the porch and looked around suspiciously. “Show yourself, punk,” he growled menacingly.
“Hey,” Dave whispered, appearing at the foot of the stairs.
“Don't hey, me,” Luke said icily. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Christie said Grace got hurt,” Dave shrugged. “Just wanted to make sure she was okay.”
“Okay?” Luke repeated through clenched teeth. He stomped down the porch steps, stopping directly in front of Dave. “Okay? Boy, you are one noble guy, McArdle. It's none of your business how she's doing, got it? Get out of here, go find yourself some easy tail.”
“What do you mean?” Dave asked, startled. “I don't...I didn't...”
“Whatever,” Luke seethed. “I almost bought your act, ya know? I thought, 'Hey, maybe the kid ain't half bad.' Boy, was I an idiot. You dump her less than a month after her grandfather dies? That's low, kid, you didn't have to kick her when she was down.”
“Listen,” Dave said tersely. “I don't know what she told you, but that's not the deal, okay, Mr. D.? I didn't dump her, she dumped me. Obviously it's news to you, too, so do me a favor, if she comes up with a reason for it, give me a call, okay? I'm really curious about the reasoning myself, since I didn't do a god damned thing wrong!”
Luke stared at Dave. He took in Dave's appearance, the flushed cheeks and the trembling hands. Hell, if Luke didn't know any better, he could swear there were tears in the kid's eyes.
“Shit,” Luke whispered. “She really did dump you, didn't she?”
“Why?” Dave asked helplessly. “What did I do? I thought I was doing things...right, you know? She's been so moody and down, and I was trying to give her some room, but she'd get mad at me, say I was being distant, so I tried to be all comforting, and she said I was smothering her. What the heck was I doing wrong, Mr. D?” he asked, his voice cracking.
Luke folded his arms and shrugged his shoulders. “Welcome to the secret life of girls, my boy,” he groaned. “I've been in the game for decades, and I have yet to figure out all the rules.”
“What should I do?” Dave asked. “I don't want to break up. I don't want it to just end like that.”
“Gotta respect her choices,” Luke sighed. “Maybe it was the right choice, maybe it was the wrong choice, but either way, she chose. You have to accept that.”
“Aw, man,” Dave moaned, scrubbing his face with his hands.
“Listen,” Luke grunted. He couldn't believe he was about to say what he felt coming to his lips. “I don't know what the deal is. She isn't talking...yet. So, maybe you should, you know, keep your distance, but be open if she comes around, okay? I have a feeling she isn't thinking too clearly right now. Maybe she did something impulsive, and will want to make it right. Just keep yourself open if she wants to talk, okay?”
“She's been really depressed,” Dave pointed out.
“She's been down since her grandfather died,” Luke nodded.
“But it's more,” Dave pressed. “I think she's really, actually depressed, you know?”
“What do you mean?” Luke asked, narrowing his eyes.
“I don't think she's like, on the verge of doing anything crazy,” Dave explained. “But I think you don't realize how really off she is.”
“You think I don't know my own kid?” Luke asked sharply.
“I think Gracie is good at acting like she's okay when she isn't, sometimes,” Dave shrugged. “You're always telling me you remember what it was like to be my age, so, did your Dad know everything you were feeling?”
Luke blinked. Damn, the kid had a point. “Is she doing anything?” Luke asked, a knot forming in his stomach. “Is she, you know, drinking? Or anything else?”
“No,” Dave said emphatically. “I swear it, she isn't doing anything like that. I wouldn't lie about that, okay? She's just off, and I guess...I'm worried, okay?” he sighed miserably.
“Off how?” Luke pressed.
“Off, like staring into space even when someone's talking to her, not paying attention in class,” Dave explained. “She's been kind of blowing everybody off lately, spending lunch in the library, and...crap, she's going to kill me.”
“What?” Luke asked.
“She ditched a couple of classes last week, and when I went looking for her, I found her behind the school.”
“Doing what?” Luke asked.
“Just sitting there,” Dave exclaimed. “She had a stick, drawing circles in the dirt. Nobody ditches to just sit behind the school.”
“She is kinda going all Unabomber,” Xander piped up. Luke looked up to see Xander standing at the porch railing.
“You think he's right?” Luke asked Xander.
Xander nodded. “She gets kind of phony around you guys, acting all silly, but she's pretty moody at school.”
“Why didn't you say anything?” Luke asked.
“Thought it was just me,” Xander shrugged. “And she is the PMS queen. I figured she was just quitting the Midol cold turkey, or something.”
“But Dave's making sense?” Luke queried.
“Yeah,” Xander agreed. “She's off,” he sighed, turning and going back into the house.
“Geez,” Luke sighed. “Okay. Okay, kid, you just go home. You keep your distance. Lay low, okay? Lorelai and I are going to figure this out, okay?”
“Okay,” Dave nodded, relieved. “I seriously just want her to be okay.”
“Yeah,” Luke said distractedly. “We'll take care of this.”
“Okay,” Dav sighed and began to walk away. He got as far as the mailbox before turning around. “Hey, Mr. D?” he called.
“Yeah?” Luke asked, turning around as he climbed the porch steps.
“If she needs anything, tell her to call, okay?” Dave offered hopefully. “Even, you know, if she just needs someone to talk to. Like a friend or something.”
Luke nodded thoughtfully. “I'll tell her,” he promised.
“Thanks, man,” Dave smiled and turned toward home
“Hey, McArdle,” Luke called.
“Yes Sir?” Dave asked, pausing.
“Thanks for looking out for her,” Luke grunted.
Dave smiled and headed home. Luke watched until the boy disappeared and went into the house and walked over to the couch where Lorelai sat.
“What's going on out there?” Lorelai asked as Xander emerged from the kitchen and quietly slipped past Luke, heading for his bedroom.
“Okay,” Luke sighed. “So, it appears we need to have a talk.”
Chapter 44: Gracie Gets Her Groove Back
Grace lay on the living room couch, her foot propped up on a pillow, idly flipping through television channels with the remote control. She looked at the clock on the mantle, groaning when she realized it was only ten in the morning. Grace was officially bored out of her mind.
“Hey, kid,” Lorelai sang. “One bowl of Lucky Charms, as requested.”
“Thanks,” Grace replied, taking the cereal from her mother. She crammed a spoonful into her mouth.
“Wow,” Lorelai said, impressed. “I thought I had a big mouth.”
“Hungry,” Grace shrugged.
“Obviously,” Lorelai agreed. “So, what's on the agenda today, gimpy girl? Talk shows? Soap operas?”
Grace held up the dvd remote control. “'Fame',” she admitted sheepishly.
“You rock on so many levels,” Lorelai grinned. “And what comes after 'Fame'?”
“Reruns of 'Degrassi',” Grace smirked.
“God, I'm so glad Luke didn't hog all of your DNA,” Lorelai squealed. “There's definitely some Gilmore in you after all.”
“Where's the sweat, Lisa?” Grace grinned.
“Baby, remember my name,” Lorelai solemnly replied.
“How much time did that take?” Grace asked, glaring at the clock.
“The only girl on the face of the planet, besides Rory, who treats a sick day like personal torture,” Lorelai giggled.
“I ams what I ams,” Grace sighed. “It's not so much being out of school, I'm not that Roryish. I'm just so booooored,” she moaned. “I can't go anywhere. My stupid foot hurts.”
“Well,” Lorelai shrugged. “You can call Dave, have him come hang out with you after school. Oh, that's right. You dumped him. How did that happen again?”
“Lorelai Victoria Danes, master of the subtle segue,” Grace said snippily.
“Your dad is the one who likes to use the subtle segue, not me,” Lorelai smiled. “I like to get right to the point. So what is the point, G?”
“I never said I dumped Dave,” Grace glared. “Are you seriously talking to him behind my back?”
“He's worried about you,” Lorelai sighed, sitting on the edge of the couch alongside Grace. “And we're getting there, too, okay?”
Grace picked at a fuzzy on the blanket she was wrapped in. “Nothing to be worried about. We just broke up, that's all.”
“You're ditching class, apparently you're turning into quite the loner at school, and Miss Patty says you've been completely off your game lately,” Lorelai pointed out. “So what's your damage, Heather?”
Grace only shrugged her shoulders.
“Come on, kid, talk,” Lorelai urged. “Is it Gramp? Is that what's eating at you?”
“I don't know,” Grace mumbled.
“Yes, you do, damn it,” Lorelai sighed. “Spill, kid.”
“I don't know,” Grace said loudly. “It's nothing. It's everything. I don't know, okay?”
“So pick out a few things,” Lorelai pressed. “Name one thing that's eating at you.”
Grace stared at Lorelai for a moment. “I suck,” she whispered.
“Suck at what?” Lorelai asked, surprised.
“Dancing,” Grace sighed. “I'm never going to be ready.”
“You have some more high school to go before you have to be ready...for Julliard, for anything,” Lorelai argued. “You work hard, you're the best to ever set foot in Miss Patty's, and you take it seriously. You'll be ready.”
“As long as I stop falling on my ass,” Grace said dryly.
“Gravity is a bitch, my dear,” Lorelai smiled. “Every great dancer's tush has met the hardwood, okay?”
“I can't worry about keeping boys happy and fixating on the lessons, the camps, the private training over the summer,” Grace continued.
“Dave has been nothing but understanding about those things,” Lorelai noted. “Has he ever given you grief about the time you have to invest in this?”
“No,” Grace sighed.
'Then where's the problem?” Lorelai queried.
“I don't have any say in anything!” Grace cried.
“Yes, you do!” Lorelai shot back. “Nobody forces you to do this. Your father and I support your decisions, but we have always left it up to you. The only one pushing you is yourself.”
“I don't feel like I have any control,” Grace moaned.
“Then you need to take a step back and breathe,” Lorelai said softly.
“I skipped our last Friday night dinner,” Grace whispered.
“Huh?” Lorelai asked. “We veered off track here, where are we? You were there last Friday.”
“I meant, the last time..you know,” Grace scowled.
“Oh,” Lorelai nodded. “With your grandfather.”
“'Cause I just had to get in some more one on one with Miss Patty,” Grace said bitterly.
“Babe, nobody can predict these kinds of things, you didn't do anything wrong,” Lorelai sighed, stroking Grace's hair.
“Everyone else is all right now,” Grace said shakily. “And I think I'm still totally back at the funeral.”
“Everyone deals with their grief differently,” Lorelai explained. “Just because you aren't there when we're having our moments, it doesn't mean those moments aren't happening.”
“I'm stuck,” Grace admitted, angrily brushing away a tear.
“I get stuck, too,” Lorelai told her. “I just tend to try to pull the 'Mommy's Just Fine' routine. Your poor Poppy is the one who has to sleep on a soggy pillow because I save it for bedtime.”
“You still get upset?” Grace asked.
“Sometimes hourly,” Lorelai replied. “He was my father, Grace. If I live to be a hundred years old, I'm going to be stuck back at that funeral myself every time I think of him.”
“Well, that's encouraging,” Grace snarked, grabbing for the tissue box.
“Hey, you aren't the only one good at getting stuck,” Lorelai smiled. “You forget who your father is.”
“Luke 'Dark Day' Danes,” Grace moaned. “Sometimes, I wish I didn't inherit his personality.”
“You can take it as a lesson,” Lorelai mused. “Your dad is more than willing to admit the pitfalls of perpetual brooding. He sucked it up eventually, and realized it was okay to be happy. He wasn't betraying his father's memory, if anything, he was honoring it.”
“I just keep obsessing about stupid stuff,” Grace sniffled. “I keep worrying about whether or not he was in pain, or whether or not it really was quick, and then I go off on some other weird kick.”
“Like what?” Lorelai asked.
“Like two weeks ago, the entire week was devoted to worrying about if and when Pop's going to get cancer,” Grace huffed, throwing her arms up in the air. “I'm totally insane. Just off the wall bonkers.”
“Nah, you're just a worry wart,” Lorelai insisted. “It's really typical Grace. You remember Miss Kitty?”
“Please don't bring up Miss Kittty now,” Grace sobbed.
“You spent months convinced that you killed Miss Kitty, simply because you fed her a Hershey's Kiss the Christmas before she...uh...went to kitty heaven.”
“Chocolate is bad for animals,” Grace wailed.
“Miss Kitty died in August,” Lorelai groaned. “The chocolate wasn't the problem. It was the getting loose and running in the street that got her.”
“Oh, Mom,” Grace moaned. “Now I'm going to be depressed about Miss Kitty all over again. I need medication.”
“Why did you break up with Dave?” Lorelai asked pleadingly. “Just give me some kind of reasoning for it.”
“I didn't want him to break up with me first,” Grace said tearfully.
“But the boy worships at your feet, G,” Lorelai said in exasperation. “Seriously, I'm quite sure there's a Gracie shrine in his closet. With chicken feet, and incense, and a shrunken head.”
“Ew,” Grace shuddered. “That would be odd.”
“Why would he break up with you?” Lorelai pressed.
“Because I'm a total whack job,” Grace responded. “He's going to get sick of me being all mopey and moody, and borderline suicidal, so I figured I might as well cut to the chase.”
“Whoa, back it up there,” Lorelai said sharply. “Borderline suicidal?”
“Sorry,” Grace replied, shaking her head. “Figuratively speaking. Trust me, no wrist slashing is in the works.”
“Don't joke about that,” Lorelai sighed. “That's not something you think about?”
“No,” Grace said. “I don't. I just like to give myself ulcers, not plot to end things.”
“Okay,” Lorelai nodded, exhaling sharply. “So you broke up with Dave as a preemptive strike?”
“Yeah,” Grace moaned. “Told you I was psychotic.”
“Well,” Lorelai shrugged. “It was definitely...uh, a really goofy move, I'll give you that.”
“God, he must hate me,” Grace groaned, slapping her forehead. “I'm so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she said, slapping her palm into her forehead to accentuate each word.
“Nope, just your mother's daughter,” Lorelai grinned. “You officially have your own version of the two month rule.”
“Huh?” Grace asked.
“I had a tendency, once upon a time, to ditch all boyfriends, no matter how nice at the two month mark,” Lorelai explained. “The logic behind it is twisted, convoluted, and utterly insane.”
“Insanity runs in the family,” Grace mused. “Good to know.”
“It practically gallops,” Lorelai added.
“Aw, geez,” Grace wept. “I just couldn't stand the thought of him having to sit there watching me bawl one more time. I just got so frustrated, always falling apart around him, and stressing about my dancing, and whining about everything I've been whining about. I got so mad at myself, and all of the sudden, I started yelling at him. I don't know why I was yelling at him, but I was yelling at him, and telling him he was driving me nuts, and completely suffocating me, and then I hear my mouth talking completely independent from the rest of me, and I hear myself say 'I don't want to be with you anymore', and he's standing there, just staring at me with the puppy dog eyes, and the sucking chest wound, and I got madder because I said it, even though I didn't mean to say it, so I got madder at him, and I just lost it. So. Absolutely. Mental. Why did I break up with him, Mom? I didn't want to break up with him, and now he's gone and I'm going even more insane, because I just want him to come back, but it's too late, and I totally screwed up everything, and did I mention I'm totally in love with him? Because I am, and now it's just too late,” Grace wailed.
“Rant, Grace, rant,” Lorelai sighed. “Talk to him.”
“Noooo,” Grace moaned, burying her head under her pillow.
Lorelai grabbed the pillow and pulled it away from Grace's face. “Talk to him,” she repeated.
“I don't want to hear how much I suck,” Grace sighed.
“Suck it up, kid,” Lorelai shrugged. “You screwed up. Face the firing squad. But tell him you screwed up. At least give him that.”
“Where's Poppy?” Grace moaned.
“Oh, now you want your Poppy,” Lorelai laughed. “This is the part where Poppy melts and wants whatever makes his little princess happy to happen. Well, tough noogies, kiddo, I'm the one standing watch, and you know I'm speaking the truth.”
“Holla,” Grace muttered.
“Don't be a playa hata,” Lorelai grinned.
“Hate the game,” Grace grouched.
“Gracie?” Lorelai continued. “You need to stop holding these things in, do you understand? You can't just keep swallowing things down and pretending they're not there. You need to talk to us. To anybody. You can't hold it in. It will eat you up inside. If you're hurting, you come to me, or Poppy. If you're angry, you come to us. If you need to vent, you come to us. You keep carrying the little things around on your shoulders, you end up with a heavy load that you can't manage on your own. You have to learn to let it out.”
“I know,” Grace sniffed, attacking her nose with a tissue.
“If you're sad about Gramp, you let yourself be sad,” Lorelai lectured. “And if you want to cry, just cry. There's no shame in it.”
“I know, I know,” Grace whispered.
“So you're going to open up more from now on?” Lorelai pressed.
“Yeah,” Grace nodded. “I'd like to avoid future meltdowns.”
“I'm sure I speak for your father, and your brothers and sisters when I say we'd all really like to avoid having to cart you off to the funny farm,” Lorelai grinned.
“I'd prefer that, myself,” Grace giggled, wiping her teary eyes.
“Good girl,” Lorelai sighed, kissing Grace's forehead. “Call Dave tonight, see if you can offer an olive branch.”
“I will,” Grace decided.
“Good,” Lorelai nodded. “And Sweetie? You know you're grounded for cutting class, right?”
“The usual sentence?” Grace sighed.
“Yup,” Lorelai replied. “Your Pop and I agreed to let you go on your own recognizance until your ankle heals up, but once you get mobile, it's another two weeker. Better get your making amends with the boy in before that happens.”
“I think I'm going to call Amnesty International after I call Dave,” Grace grumped.
“They'll just tell you you're bonkers,” Lorelai laughed.
Grace scowled at Lorelai. “Thanks a lot, Mom.”
Lorelai beamed at Grace. “That's what I'm here for, Babe.”
Chapter 45: Everybody Needs A Luke Of Their Own
Sammie sidled up to the table, order pad and pen poised. “Good evening, and welcome to Luke's Diner. I am Samantha, and I will be your server this evening. Our specials today are a delectable ham steak served with a side of mixed vegetables and sweet potatoes, and a satisfying Salisbury steak served with a side of mashed potatoes and...um, mixed vegetables, go figure. May I bring you something to drink while you peruse the menu?” Sammie took a deep breath. “Okay, how was that?”
“You totally sold me,” Rory giggled. “You are definitely ready to rise to the position of part-time waitress.”
“You have flair,” Lorelai nodded. “Except you should have ended the monologue with 'Kiss my grits', you know, to make it more authentic.”
“See?” Sammie exclaimed, hopping up and down to emphasize her point. “I am so good at this. Why won't Dad let me be a waitress?”
“Uh, well, technically, I think it has something to do with child labor laws,” Rory reminded Sammie. “You're not even thirteen yet.”
“Oh, screw that,” Sammie huffed. “It's not like working a couple of hours on the weekend would be a hassle.”
“You should get points for not stuttering all over the 'satisfying Salisbury steak served with a side of mashed potatoes', very alliterative,” Rory laughed, stumbling over the words herself. “Try saying that three times fast.”
“Okay, so what do you want to drink, already?” Sammie asked impatiently.
“Coffee and a coffee, duh,” Lorelai replied.
“Uh, make mine decaf,” Rory interjected, avoiding making eye contact when Lorelai looked at her in surprise. “And bring on the cream.”
“Decaf?” Lorelai asked, confused. “Who are you, and what have you done with my daughter?”
“I'm still Rory Gilmore, just a Rory Gilmore who has found that full strength coffee after seven in the evening causes severe indigestion and extreme agitation,” Rory shrugged. “You forget I consume a whole lot more coffee than you do, with all the traveling and standing around waiting for news to happen.”
“Wow,” Lorelai whispered. “Coffee has turned against you. After all we've done for it, too.”
“It is a fickle lover,” Rory sighed.
Sammie brought the coffee pots to the table. “Decaf for you, madame,” she said as she filled Rory's cup. “And high test for you, old lady,” she grinned as she filled Lorelai's cup.
“Hey,” Lorelai scowled. “I see a wrinkle on Rory's face.”
“Well, duh,” Sammie replied cheerfully as she fled back to the counter.
“Where?” Rory gasped, grabbing her purse and pulling out a compact. Lorelai laughed as Rory inspected her face. “It's a crow's feet thing, I just know it,” she moaned.
“Relax, kiddo,” Lorelai giggled. “You're not so old.”
“I found a gray hair,” Rory confided.
“It happens,” Lorelai said in a comforting tone. “I found my first gray hair when I was 21, so it's not exactly an indicator of rapid age progression. Gray hairs happen.”
“I'm in my thirties,” Rory reminded Lorelai. “I'm not getting any younger. The clock hands are spinning, Mrs. Danes.”
“Yes, they are,” Lorelai sighed. Rory fell silent and idly played with her coffee cup. Lorelai watched her for a while, wondering what was plaguing her mind. “So spill,” Lorelai finally said.
“Spill what?” Rory asked.
“Whatever you're obsessing about,” Lorelai replied. “You have that face.”
“What face?” Rory laughed.
“The 'Rory is making lists in her head' face,” Lorelai retorted. “So make with the talking to your old Mom, here.”
“Oh, I don't know,” Rory shrugged. “I've just been thinking about making some changes in my life.”
“What kind of changes?” Lorelai asked, trying to read Rory's expression.
“Maybe it's just time to slow down, a little. Lay down some roots, find a real home,” Rory explained. “I'm not loving the life of a roving reporter so much anymore.”
“You want to give it up?” Lorelai asked, taken aback.
“No, not give it up,” Rory clarified. “Just...streamline things. Narrow the beat.”
“Is this a recent idea, or have you been thinking about this for a while?” Lorelai pressed.
“Been thinking about it for a while,” Rory admitted. “I feel like I'm missing out on some things. My most intimate relationship over the last few years had been with my laptop, and as much as I love my laptop, it just isn't good at foreplay.”
“Ew,” Lorelai shuddered. “Never use that word again, at least when it pertains directly to you, okay Sweets?”
“Sorry,” Rory giggled.
“Wait, 'had' been?” Lorelai queried. “Explain that little slip, will you?”
“What do you mean?” Rory asked innocently.
“This is SO about a boy!” Lorelai squealed. “I knew something was up with you, I just knew it! You have a boy.”
“A man, Mom, a man, okay?” Rory sighed. “What am I, Mary Kay Letourneau?”
“Who is he? What's his name? What does he look like? Does he have a motorcycle? Is he dreamy?” Lorelai asked excitedly. “Does he have pretty eyes? Does he make you feel all gooey inside?”
“Gooey?” Rory laughed. “Mom, please.”
“Answer me!” Lorelai wailed. “I need details.”
Rory shook her head. “Geez, Mom. He's...a nice person. We have a lot in common. He's been a friend for a while, and we've been sort of doing this long distance thing for a while. Testing the waters, so to speak.”
“And how are the waters?” Lorelai asked breathlessly.
“They're amazing,” Rory groaned. “I wasn't expecting this, and now that it's happening, I'm so scared, but I'm so excited.”
“Wait, is this serious?” Lorelai asked. “Is this boy...man...is he the reason you're looking to make these life changes?”
Rory nodded, blushing furiously.
“Are you thinking of going to him, or is he coming to you?” Lorelai asked, enraptured by the sudden resuscitation of Rory's romantic life. “Oh my god, are you in love with him?”
“Yes, no, and yes, actually, I think I really do love him,” Rory beamed. “No, I DO love him.”
“Oh, hon,” Lorelai gasped happily. “You love him.”
“And I will be able to see him over the holidays,” Rory smiled. “Since he lives on the East Coast.”
“Oh, yay!” Lorelai squealed. “You're thinking of moving back to our neck of the woods?”
“Close,” Rory admitted. “Really just a train ride away.”
“Oh, I love him already,” Lorelai moaned. “I miss having you here, Babe, I really do.”
“I miss you too,” Rory sighed. “And that's a big factor in the decision, too.”
“You've already decided?” Lorelai asked hopefully.
“Mostly,” Rory nodded. “Just one final test. If he passes, I'm on the next flight home, so to speak.”
“What test?” Lorelai queried. “Why are you testing him?”
Rory looked over her shoulder. Luke and Sammie were engrossed in conversation near the cash register. She hunched over conspiratorially. “Mom, you have to take this news quietly, okay? I need some Gilmore solidarity here for a while.”
Lorelai narrowed her eyes at Rory. “Hon, I can't keep secrets, not from Luke,” she sighed. “That was something we swore to when we got married. No secrets, no matter what.”
“Then if you have to discuss it with Luke, you need to keep this on the down low for a while, because I don't know how things are going to pan out,” Rory replied, her voice pleading. “It can't go any further until I know how things will have to be handled. It's not about keeping secrets, it's about the fact that I need privacy until some things get resolved.”
“What's going on, Rory?” Lorelai asked, feeling a wave of concern wash over her. “Is everything okay with you?”
Rory inhaled deeply. “Mom, there are other reasons I'm drinking decaf, okay?” Rory exhaled shakily, waiting for Lorelai to put the puzzle pieces together.
“Like what?” Lorelai asked thoughtfully. “Oh. Oh my god. You're....are you? You can't be.”
“I may be,” Rory shrugged. “I haven't found out for sure yet.”
“Oh my god,” Lorelai whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. “You're pregnant.”
“I've been eating apples,” Rory smiled. “Lots and lots of apples.”
“Why haven't you found out yet?” Lorelai hissed.
“I just want to get through the holidays without the gnawing horror that I definitely have to give birth in a few months,” Rory rationalized. “Or with a big hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach because I definitely DON'T have to give birth in a few months.”
Lorelai stared at Rory, her mouth agape. “So...is this...is it a good thing?”
“I think it is,” Rory smiled. “I think if I am, then I'm happy with this turn of events.”
“Does he know?” Lorelai whispered.
“Not yet,” Rory confessed. “But only because I need to tell him face to face. This isn't something you spring on somebody over the phone.”
“Do you think he will be okay with this?” Lorelai pressed.
“I do,” Rory replied. “I really do. If anything, if I really am pregnant, I'm pretty confident that I'm going to get an engagement ring within days of telling him.”
“But would you accept a ring?” Lorelai mused.
“I would,” Rory sighed. “Baby or no baby, damn it, I would. But only if it isn't the only reason he would be asking. Boy, I'm jumping to conclusions here. If he doesn't ask, it's okay too. I sound old fashioned, don't I? Not that getting pregnant, then getting married is old fashioned. It's been a topic of discussion before, so I don't think he'd ask just to make an honest woman of me. I think if he did ask, it would be just because it would be right. But I'm not expecting it. I wouldn't be hurt if he didn't ask. Well, maybe I'd be a little hurt. Oh my god, my head hurts.” Rory moaned, burying her face in her hands.
“Wow,” Lorelai whispered reverently. “You've got it bad.”
“I do,” Rory giggled, raising her head. “Eventually, reality sinks in, and you figure out who you belong with. It may take you forever to figure it out, but once you stop running, you realize it's been right there under your nose the entire time. You should know, Mrs. Luke.”
“You have a Luke of your own?” Lorelai smiled tearfully. “You really do?”
“Yep,” Rory nodded. “Minus the flannel shirt and the backwards baseball cap.”
“Do I get to meet him?” Lorelai asked, grabbing Rory's hand.
“I think you may be meeting him on Christmas,” Rory teased. “Maybe.”
“That's next week,” Lorelai squealed. “Oh my god, Rory, you have a Luke and you're preggers.”
“Maybe,” Rory emphasized.
“You're getting a test,” Lorelai insisted. “You aren't going to be able to hold out, you know it as well as I do.”
“I know, but I'm trying to delay the inevitable,” Rory laughed. “Mom? I really want to be pregnant, and I really want him to be happy about it.” she admitted shakily.
“Oh, I hope everything works out the way you want it to, Babe,” Lorelai sighed. “But there is one drawback here.”
“What?” Rory asked.
“You're going to make me a grandmother,” Lorelai frowned. “I'm not old enough to be a grandmother.”
“I think you'll make a terrific grandmother,” Rory insisted. “And sorry to burst your bubble, but you are old enough to be one.”
“You'd be one hell of a mother,” Lorelai smiled proudly.
“Well, of course,” Rory grinned. “I learned from the best, after all.”
Chapter 46: Just Your Average Danes Family Christmas
Luke hovered over the kitchen counter, prepping the turkey for cooking as Lorelai sleepily shuffled to the coffee pot.
“Morning,” she yawned as she poured a cup of freshly brewed coffee.
“Merry Christmas,” Luke smiled, walking over to give Lorelai a kiss.
“Mm, Merry Christmas,” Lorelai replied with a smile. She sniffed the coffee suspiciously. “Damn it, Rory,” she mumbled.
“What?” Luke asked, returning to the task of seasoning the turkey.
“Nothing,” Lorelai sighed. She leaned on the counter next to Luke, wrinkling her nose as she sipped the obviously decaffeinated coffee. “Hey, Luke?” she began.
“Yesss, Lorelai?” Luke asked, eying his wife.
“So, if your daughter confides in you, and you don't tell me about it, does that qualify as keeping secrets?” she asked thoughtfully.
“April hasn't done that,” Luke shot back. “Why do you think that she did?”
“Just posing a hypothetical question,” Lorelai murmured, glancing at the bedroom door.
“I guess it's not exactly keeping secrets,” Luke shrugged, working freshly chopped herbs under the skin of the turkey. “I mean, I guess the kids have to feel like they can turn to one of us to get things off their chests without worrying about being ratted out over your average teen angst, right?” he mused.
“Exactly,” Lorelai nodded.
“It depends on the subject matter,” Luke continued, pausing to consider the question. He suddenly spun around to face Lorelai. “Is it Grace?” he hissed. “Did something happen with Dave? Is she thinking of, you know...doing 'it' with him? Jesus,” Luke ranted. “I knew it wasn't going to last. The punk got too comfortable. He thinks I like him. He thinks he's in. If he thinks he's going to violate MY daughter and live to tell the tale, he's in for the shock of his life. I'll break his freaking neck. I'll make sure he never functions like a man for the rest of his life. I'll castrate him with a potato peeler, I swear to god...”
“Shhh,” Lorelai hushed Luke, giggling at the rabid expression on Luke's face. “Dave's still in possession of a healthy fear of the Luke beast. No worries yet.”
“Sheesh,” Luke sighed. “Then what are you talking about? You and hypotheticals rarely cross paths.”
“Um, well...” Lorelai began as the bedroom door flew open. Rory stood in the doorway, looking pale and distraught.
“You okay?” Luke asked, frowning at the unsettled look on Rory's face.
“Fine,” Rory gulped, suddenly finding her mobility again. She raced into the bathroom. Luke and Lorelai both cringed as they heard her faint retches drift into the kitchen.
“Yikes,” Luke muttered. “Sick on Christmas? That blows.”
“Yeah,” Lorelai sighed. “Really blows.”
Rory finally emerged from the bathroom and wobbled back toward the bedroom. “I'm just...you know...I think I'm going to lay down,” she offered weakly as she slumped through the doorway, shutting the door behind her.
Luke looked at Lorelai curiously. “You don't seem very concerned,” he pointed out.
“Come out into the living room,” Lorelai whispered, leading Luke to the couch. “Sit down,” she ordered.
“What's going on?” Luke asked as Lorelai sat down next to him.
“Rory told me something, and I didn't tell you right away, and I'm sorry for that, but she needed privacy,” Lorelai explained hastily. “She still needs her privacy, but I can't keep avoiding the subject with you, so before I tell you anything, you have to swear to me that this conversation doesn't go beyond us, not until Rory gives us the green light, okay?”
“Is Rory all right?” Luke asked, concerned. “Is there something wrong?”
“No,” Lorelai said. “Not according to Rory. She's happy about this, so we're happy about this, got it?”
“Got what?” Luke asked. “What's going on?”
Lorelai looked over her shoulder before continuing. “Luke, Rory is pregnant,” Lorelai whispered.
“What?” Luke hissed. “She's...are you sure? Who? Who's...is she even seeing anybody? Is the guy in the picture at all? Did he dump her? I'll kill him. I'll kill the son of a bitch,” Luke seethed.
“How you don't have an aneurysm every time the subject of the girls' love lives comes up is beyond me,” Lorelai grinned. “That vein in your forehead gets quite the workout, Cool Hand. Now simmer down. She hasn't told him yet, I don't know who this is, I'm letting her give me the details in little bits and pieces, but she wants to tell him face to face. She said she thought we may meet him today, but she hasn't brought that up again. I don't know, maybe he couldn't make it. She doesn't seem upset about anything, so I'm not pushing the issue. It's a delicate subject for her. Why? I don't know, but she's treading on very foreign territory for her, so I'm just making myself available whenever she decides to fill in another blank.”
“Jesus,” Luke groaned. “But is she okay?”
“She seems to be happy,” Lorelai shrugged. “She's making a lot of decisions regarding this baby, and Daddy, whoever that is, so she's got a lot on her plate. I'm not going to smother her with questions. She's a grown woman, she's been on her own for a long time now. She'll come to me when she needs to.”
“And this isn't bothering you?” Luke asked suspiciously. “You aren't going insane, not being able to jump in and be the Mommy?”
“It's driving me over the edge,” Lorelai admitted. “I'm scared, I'm worried, I'm hopeful, I'm downright dizzy over all the things I feel about this. But it's her life, and I'm not going to overstep my boundaries here.”
Luke scrubbed his face with his hands. “Oy vey, the drama in this family,” he sighed. “Okay, I have to get this turkey in the oven. Are you going to be all right?”
Lorelai nodded. “I'm just going to sit here and obsess for a few minutes,” she admitted.
“Okay,” Luke replied, kissing Lorelai on the forehead. “Just let me know when you need input from me, otherwise I'm going into see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil mode, all right?”
“Good man,” Lorelai grinned. “I'll keep you posted.”
Luke returned to the kitchen and put the final touches on the turkey, sliding it into the oven. He busied himself by peeling potatoes, but found himself glancing anxiously at the bedroom door every few minutes. He jerked his head up when he heard Rory run from the bedroom to the bathroom yet again. Luke watched Rory thoughtfully as she lurched back to the bedroom. She smiled sheepishly at Luke, giving him a small wave as she snuck back into the room, trying not to disturb a still sleeping April.
Luke sighed miserably. He was the fix-it man. He couldn't stand the thought of Rory having to suffer quietly through her very obvious morning sickness issues. Luke shook his head and began to brew some tea. When it was ready, he poured a cup, placed some crackers in the saucer and tiptoed to the bedroom door. Luke knocked very lightly and opened the door a crack.
“Rory?” he whispered.
“Come in,” Rory softly replied.
Luke walked in, grimacing at the sight of Rory curled on her side, looking more than a little green around the gills. Luke walked over to Rory's bed, and gently set the tea and crackers on the night stand. Luke sat on the edge of Rory's bed and leaned over. “Peppermint tea,” he said softly. “The peppermint helps. The aroma, it calms the queasiness sometimes,” he shrugged. “It always helped your Mom,” he sighed, silently conceding his awareness of his step-daughter's situation.
“Thanks, Luke,” Rory whispered, grabbing Luke's hand. “It's all good, I promise,” she added.
“Okay,” Luke nodded. He leaned over, kissing Rory gently. “You need anything...” he murmured.
“I know,” Rory nodded. “Thank you.”
“Anytime,” Luke smiled, and quietly backed out of the room.
Lorelai was standing in the kitchen, her arms crossed. Luke jumped when he turned around and almost ran into her. “Geez,” Luke muttered. “Hover much?”
“Mm hmm,” Lorelai replied knowingly. “That denial mode lasted what? A whole two minutes?”
“A new record,” Luke beamed.
ooo
Luke and Lorelai sat on the couch a few hours later, observing the chaos that swirled around them. The floor was littered with torn wrapping paper and gift boxes. Xander and Drew were trying out the newest video games they had received as gifts, and Sammie and Grace were desperately trying to get the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots game away from TJ and Doula, who had been hogging it for over an hour. April and Liz huddled together playing a game of electronic Battleship, while Rory and Jess thumbed through the pile of books they had both scored.
Emily sat on the couch next to Lorelai, smiling at the antics of her gathered grandchildren. “You're going to be buying toys and games until they're in the retirement home, aren't you?” she mused.
Lorelai shrugged, slurping contentedly on a candy cane. “What can I say? The brats are easily entertained.” she grinned.
“Rory looks wonderful,” Emily sighed. “She's positively radiant. I wonder what night cream she uses?”
“Must be something organic,” Lorelai replied, shooting Luke a glance.
Luke snorted at Lorelai's contorted expression. “Uh, thanks again for the bathrobe, Emily. I can't believe in all these years, nobody has ever given me a monogrammed....anything.”
“You're welcome, Luke,” Emily nodded. “And thank you for the...what is this again?”
“It's a Zen Garden,” Luke explained. “You...well, you do stuff in the....and it's all very Zen,” he offered weakly. “I'm not very good at gifts,” he apologized. “It's Lorelai's fault, she should know better than to leave me alone in the mall. She needs to supervise me a little more closely.”
“Obviously,” Lorelai snarked, holding up a pair of very matronly looking house slippers. “What am I, like ninety years old?”
“Hey,” Luke growled. “You got shiny things, too. Didn't hear you complaining about the earrings. Or the bracelet.”
“They're the only reason you don't have a house slipper jammed in your ear,” Lorelai grinned. “Thank you for my shiny things, honey.”
“Welcome,” Luke grunted, still wounded. “At least they're warm slippers.”
Lorelai leaned over toward Emily. “Trade you?” Lorelai muttered out of the corner of her mouth.
Emily contemplated the slippers for a moment. “We'll switch when he's distracted,” she whispered.
“Oh,” Rory exclaimed. “You have to see the article I'm working,” she informed Jess.
“Geez,” Jess muttered. “Like I don't read enough at my job.”
“Jerk,” Rory sulked. “Fine then, April, want to see my article? I need input.”
“Sure,” April nodded. “I think I've sufficiently slayed Liz at this game anyway.”
“I'm coming too,” Jess sighed. “Freaking women and their guilt trips.”
“Shut up,” Liz groaned, throwing the pillow she had been sitting on at Jess. “Someday, somebody is going to have to house-train you, you feral...whatever you are.”
“Then we can all hold hands and skip afterwards,” Luke deadpanned. “If ever a woman is created that would take on such a burden.”
Jess slumped behind Rory and April, holding up three fingers. “Read between the lines,” Jess cracked at Luke.
Luke grinned. “Same old Jess.”
“At least he's averaging only about fifteen percent surliness per gallon,” Lorelai laughed. “He used to operate at a ninety percent surliness level on a good day.”
“Baby steps,” TJ chimed in. “I figure by the time he turns sixty, he may be capable of cracking an occasional smile.”
“Lofty dreams, if you ask me,” Luke chuckled.
“Okay, it's getting close to grub time,” Lorelai sighed. “Front and center, Gracie.”
“Aw geez,” Grace sighed. “Why do I always get suckered into this stuff?”
“Because everyone else cooks like Lorelai,” Emily pointed out.
“Mom,” Lorelai whined.
“It's true,” Emily shrugged. “If Luke and Grace weren't here, you would all starve.”
“Not so,” Drew argued. “We know how to make Hot Pockets.”
“And Bagel Bites,” Sammie added.
“Sometimes we even figure out how to reheat pizza,” Xander contributed.
“Gotta work on the box thing, though,” Drew grinned.
“Yeah, pizza boxes catch fire in the oven,” Sammie informed Emily. “Go figure, huh?”
“That's why there are now two fire extinguishers in the kitchen,” Luke groaned as Lorelai pulled him to his feet.
“It amazes me that you've all lived this long without losing appendages,” Emily sighed, rolling her eyes. “Or at least it amazes me that the house is still standing after all these years, with only minimal fire damage.”
Lorelai pushed Luke out into the kitchen, Grace sullenly following behind them. They set to work pulling the Christmas meal together, Lorelai still trying to master the fine art of not-too-soggy instant stuffing, Grace manning the mashed potatoes, and Luke taking care of mostly everything else. Grace had at least mastered a few desserts in recent years, and proudly arranged her display of pumpkin pie, chocolate-raspberry cake, and assorted cookies.
“Soggy,” Lorelai whined, holding up a spoonful of slimy stuffing.
“Jesus,” Luke laughed. “Every holiday without fail.”
“I don't get it,” Lorelai cried. “I just don't understand it.”
“You don't have good cooking mojo,” Grace replied. “The stuffing gods know that you don't take it seriously.”
Lorelai grabbed the empty box of stuffing mix, pointing emphatically at the instructions. “It says one and a quarter cup of water,” she wailed. “Every year I put in a cup and a quarter of water. Every year I put in the half a stick of butter. Hell, some years I put less in. But no matter what, it always comes out looking like congealed oatmeal,” she cried, stomping her foot in disgust.
“We'll figure it out,” Luke smirked as he pulled the turkey out of the oven. “Someday, we'll get to the root of the problem.”
“Lucky we always have backup,” Grace chortled, ducking as Lorelai flung a clump of wet stuffing at the girl. “Gotta work on your aim too,” Grace teased, sticking her tongue out at Lorelai.
“Brat,” Lorelai hissed. “Brat, Brat, Brat.”
Grace looked at the clock on the coffee pot as a loud rap sounded at the front door. “Goody,” she squealed. “It's either Dave or Rory's mystery date,” she grinned as she ran to the door.
“Oh boy,” Lorelai grimaced. “This may be it.”
“Baby Daddy drama commences,” Luke sighed. “Guess we'd better start gathering the troops. I'll start carving, you start herding everyone in here.”
“Okie dokie,” Lorelai nodded, heading toward Rory and April's bedroom. “Hey guys, soup's on,” she called, poking her head into the bedroom. “Line up for the...oh crap,” Lorelai gasped as she processed what she had just walked in on. April had apparently left the bedroom at some point, and only Rory and Jess remained.
Jess sat on the bed, with Rory lounging back comfortably between his thighs. Lorelai had just enough time to witness the intensity on Jess's face as his chin rested on Rory's shoulder, his hand draped possessively over her stomach. The two scrambled away from each other as Lorelai stared at them, her mouth agape.
Lorelai swallowed hard, her mouth suddenly very dry. “Supper...it's...um, we're going to...you know, time to...turkey!” she stammered before she turned away, slamming the door behind her. “Crap,” she whispered. “Didn't see that coming.”
“What?” Luke asked, looking up from the turkey. Lorelai grabbed Luke's arm and dragged him out through the back door. “What the hell, Lorelai?” Luke yelped. “It's freezing out here.”
“Jess,” Lorelai hissed, smacking Luke in the arm.
“What?” Luke asked.
“Jess,” Lorelai repeated. “Jess. It's Jess. Oh my god, it's Jess.” she moaned, smacking Luke's arm repeatedly.
“I don't...” Luke began, staring at Lorelai's panicked expression. “Wait...you don't...no way,” Luke argued. “He would have said something. She would have said something. Someone would have...”
“They're together,” Lorelai insisted. “Nobody is that comfortable with just anyone. There was definite cuddling going on.”
“Holy shit,” Luke groaned. “I'm going to kick his ass.”
“No,” Lorelai said, shaking her head. “We're not going to say a word. No asses will be kicked. And I think he knows now. About the baby. He seemed...uh, I don't know, aware. And there was no hint of unpleasantness between them. Not that you can gather much in a split second of ogling, but...wow...okay, this is huge, Luke. This is really huge.”
Luke shook his head. “Okay, I really need to sink back into denial mode. This is just...Jesus. Okay, we have to get through this meal. Then I'm going to kick his ass.”
“Luke,” Lorelai warned.
“Okay, fine,” Luke conceded, throwing up his hands. “Denial mode on. I've got a turkey to carve.”
“Fine,” Lorelai nodded. She grasped the doorknob. “Game faces on,” she breathed.
“This IS my game face,” Luke scowled.
“Good point,” Lorelai laughed nervously as she opened the door and walked back into the kitchen. Luke followed and grabbed his carving tools, attacking the turkey with renewed ferocity.
Lorelai stopped short as Rory and Jess emerged from the bedroom. “It'll be a second,” Lorelai said shakily. “Start uh...scoping out the best trajectory for maximum plate filling.”
“I gotta...go this way,” Rory stammered, heading for the bathroom. Lorelai walked out to the living room to begin herding the gathered family into the kitchen.
Jess stood near the doorway of Rory and April's room, scratching his head nervously. Luke glanced up at the window. He saw Jess's reflection and couldn't contain himself. Luke slammed down the knife and spun around, crossing his arms over his chest and fixing a piercing stare on Jess.
“What?” Jess sighed, walking toward Luke.
“You're going to do right by her,” Luke rasped.
“I know,” Jess nodded, jamming his hands into his pockets.
“You're both adults. Too grown up for lectures,” Luke growled. “But you will do right by her, damn it.”
“Luke,” Jess sighed. “It's all good. I'm not upset.”
“Really?” Luke asked sharply. “That's really big of you.”
“Damn it,” Jess hissed. “I love her, okay?”
Luke softened, just barely. “Does she...you know...love you?”
“Rumor has it,” Jess smirked.
“This isn't something impulsive is it?” Luke pressed.
“No,” Jess whispered. “You know the deal, man. It's always been her.”
Luke exhaled sharply. “I know,” he admitted. “And this other development?”
“It's...right,” Jess shrugged. “Guess it has to be when your closet girlfriend drops the pregnancy bomb on you right before Christmas dinner, and all you can think is you can't wait to meet the kid.”
Luke nodded. “So you two are on the same page?”
“Same sentence, even,” Jess shot back, flashing Luke a crooked grin.
“Damn,” Luke sighed, grasping the top of his baseball cap with both hands. “This family is really fucked up.”
“Tell me about it,” Jess grinned. “I just found out I got my cousin pregnant.”
“Crap,” Luke moaned, turning back to the turkey. “Don't even go there.”
“It's the game the whole family can play,” Jess cracked.
“There's no blood ties,” Luke croaked, trying to concentrate on the carving. “Doesn't count.”
“But it will be a great story to tell the grandkids,” Jess laughed. “Or would that be the third cousins?”
“Stop it,” Luke growled.
“Okay, seriously,” Jess muttered, moving closer to Luke as the family began to filter into the kitchen. “I want this,” Jess said softly.
Luke laid down his carving knife. “Just take care of her. Of them.” he pleaded in a low voice.
“I will,” Jess promised. “I'm getting it right this time. I let her get away one too many times in my life. I'm not loosening my grip now.”
Luke rolled his eyes. “Does it ever scare you how much alike you and I actually are?”
“Terrifies me,” Jess nodded, smiling at Rory as she slunk back into the kitchen. “It could be worse, though.”
“How so?” Luke snorted.
“I could be just like Liz,” Jess chuckled.
“Bite your tongue,” Luke growled. “And go get your girl some food. She's eating for two now.”
“Damn,” Jess sighed. “That's going to take a while to get used to.”
“You just stay used to it,” Luke warned. “You're permanently invested in this now.”
“That's the plan,” Jess nodded, grabbing the plate of turkey and heading for the table.
“Poor kid doesn't know what it's in for,” Luke mumbled as he turned to join the rest of the family.
Chapter 47: Flutie Fumbles The Ball
Dave sat idly on the bleachers watching the cheerleaders work through their practice session. He grinned as Grace sternly corrected the left half of the formation she was trying to perfect. Naturally, Grace was the squad leader. Anything that had to do with getting her groove on was fair game for Grace. Dave chuckled to himself. If Grace found any sense of rhythm in the way football was played, she'd have gone out for quarterback. He had teased her mercilessly the first time he ever saw her in the pleated skirt and striped sweater, but Grace had scornfully set his thinking straight, explaining that she needed to add more modern dance experience to her classical training. Julliard demanded a blend of dance styles for its applicants, and Grace was leaving nothing to chance. Unfortunately, Grace's skills far exceeded the combined skills of the rest of the squad, and her instructions were falling on deaf ears. It probably didn't help that Grace had chosen an old Siouxie and the Banshees song as the basis for the newest routine she was dreaming up. Dave was beginning to think that if had to sit through “Peekaboo” one more time, he was going to snap and do something violent.
“Oh my god,” Grace moaned. “How did any of you make the squad? Can anyone even do a cartwheel?”
Karrie Carter nervously raised her hand. “I can.”
“Can you do something more than a cartwheel?” Grace asked hopefully.
“Uh, I can do a split,” Karrie offered.
“Okay,” Grace sighed. “Geez, you guys are going to be a lot of work. Okay, let's just take a break. Five minutes, guys.” Grace slumped over to the bleachers and sank down next to Dave. “There's just no hope,” she moaned.
“This is Stars Hollow,” Dave laughed. “They're never going to be Laker Girls, okay?”
“I'm just looking for them to get through 'Two Bits' without screwing up,” Grace argued. “I'm not asking for that much. They're not fit for public performance.”
Dave rubbed Grace's back sympathetically. “You can cheer for me,” he offered. “I like watching you shake your pom poms.”
“Dirty!” Grace laughed. “You like my pom poms, do ya?”
“Very nice pom poms,” Dave chuckled. “Very....uh, fluffy.”
Grace arched an eyebrow at Dave. “Wow, that was just...weak.”
“Who do you think you're talking to?” Dave asked. “When have I ever had a good comeback?”
“True,” Grace laughed. “I never claimed to love you for your witty banter.”
Grace stood up and grabbed her pom poms. “I think I'm going to have to start the girls off slowly here, what do you think about this cheer?” Grace solemnly took position. “Ready? Okay!” she grinned as she began to dance around. “How funky is your monkey? How loose is your goose? Come on everybody in the stands, shake your big caboose!” she chanted, as she spun around, gyrating her hips.
“Geez,” Dave snorted. “Worst cheer ever!”
“But the caboose shaking?” Grace pressed.
“Top notch,” Dave laughed. “Finest caboose in all of Stars Hollow.”
Grace gasped. “I'm telling Pop you were looking at my caboose,” she whispered as she flopped back down onto the bleachers.
“Please don't,” Dave moaned. “I do want to live to see graduation.”
“Then don't look at my caboose,” Grace pointed out.
“You know, I don't think it's very fair,” Dave argued. “Your Dad is always acting like I'm poised to corrupt his sweet, innocent little daughter, and he has NO clue what an evil little flirt you are. You're the one always talking about your butt, and your pom poms, and doing stuff that just guarantees that I'm going to catch an eyeful of belly button, or you drop your books, and I catch a flash of pink panty, then you act all pure and virginal, and I go home and I stare at the ceiling all night completely panicked and frustrated because if your Dad ever finds out that I saw a centimeter of pink panty, he'd hunt me down and gut me like a fish. Stop flashing the belly button and the panties already, you harpy.”
“Poor Davey,” Grace sighed, throwing her arms around the boy. “I promise, the next time I drop a book, I'll be wearing white cotton panties, okay?'
“Geez,” Dave groaned. “Somehow, that's appealing to me, too. Thanks a lot for that imagery.”
“Sorry,” Grace laughed. “Guess I'd better get back to work with the squad. Go take a cold shower while you wait, if you have to.”
“Keep the pom poms in check, and I'll survive,” Dave growled as Grace stood up.
“Pom poms under control,” she promised as she began to back away from the bleachers. “Oh no,” Grace gasped. “I feel another cheer coming on. Firecracker, firecracker, boom, boom, boom!” she squealed, emphasizing each 'boom' with a seductive hip shake and a flutter of the pom poms.
“Go away,” Dave pleaded as Grace giggled and returned to her practice. “Jesus,” he muttered to himself. “I'm definitely going to go blind by the time I turn eighteen.”
“Dude, way too much information.”
Dave looked up as Xander sat down next to him. “Just pretend you didn't hear that,” Dave sighed miserably.
“Believe me, I'm trying,” Xander chuckled. “Wow, they really suck,” he noted, watching the girls work through their cheers.
“I don't even think Grace can fix this mess,” Dave laughed. “Why are you even here?”
“Wore out the batting cages,” Xander shrugged. “Figured I'd come here and check out some bloomers.”
“Such a pervert,” Dave grinned. “Which set of bloomers are you eying?”
“That one,” Xander admitted, jerking his chin at the petite girl with strawberry blonde hair on the right fringe of the formation.
“Nice,” Dave nodded. “She's cute.”
“She seeing anybody?” Xander asked, trying to sound casual.
“Not that I know of,” Dave replied. “That's Katie something or other.”
“Howard,” Xander nodded. “Katie Howard.”
“Dude, listen to how you just said that,” Dave laughed.
“Said what?” Xander frowned. “I just said her name.”
“You said it in a way that sounded like you want to bronze her bloomers and keep them on your night stand,” Dave teased.
“Aw, geez,” Xander sighed. “She's cute, that's all.”
“Ask her to the rally,” Dave encouraged. “It's all proper, there's no reason she'd say no.”
“Proper?” Xander scoffed.
“You know, she's a cheerleader, you're a jock, it's a pre-approved relationship by default,” Dave shrugged.
“Oh, because I'm such a stickler for clique etiquette,” Xander laughed.
“You're still lower rung,” Dave explained. “I was allowed to hook up with Gracie with minimal grief due to the fact that I'm the best quarterback this school has ever seen.”
“Your modesty is inspiring,” Xander said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
“It's downright admirable,” Dave shrugged. “So anyway, what's the deal with your sister? Grace was explaining it, but seriously, it all ended up sounding like pops and buzzes to me.”
“Which one?” Xander shrugged. “There are many to choose from.”
“Rory,” Dave asked. “Seriously, did I get the story straight? Your cousin is your unborn nephew or niece's father?”
“Man, I have no idea how it all works,” Xander groaned. “I'm beginning to wonder if Rory is my sister, or my aunt, or my cousin now. It's all too confusing.”
“So, your Dad won't let me within three feet of Grace, but his nephew can impregnate his daughter?” Dave chuckled.
“Hey, there's no blood relation there, for the record,” Xander argued. “I guess it would be weird if Jess and Rory grew up together, like if Mom and Dad got married when they were younger, but technically, Rory and Jess were originally together long before my Mom and Dad ever hooked up.”
“Really?” Dave asked. “So actually, your parents are to blame for the ick-factor.”
“Exactly,” Xander nodded. “Rory is my half-sister, she has a different father. I've only met him a few times. He's a real moron. My mom was married to him for like a minute. He has a kid with someone else, and that's Rory's half-sister, but she isn't related to us. Rory sees them once in a while, but she kind of treats my Dad like he's her Dad. So, anyway Jess is only related to me and Grace and Sam and Drew. Dad is related to Jess, but Jess is not related to Rory.”
“And April has a different mother,” Dave added.
“Yeah, we're related to April, but Rory isn't,” Xander explained. “And Dad didn't even find out about April until she was thirteen.”
“You've got a really messed up family tree,” Dave mused.
“It's more of a family hedge,” Xander shrugged. “I hope I never have to put together a family genealogy for any class project, because it's going to be really scary looking.”
“I'm glad mine's easy,” Dave smiled. “It's me and my Dad.”
“Yeah,” Xander nodded. “Grace mentioned that before. Did your parents split up or something?”
“Nah,” Dave muttered. “My mom died when I was a baby. Never knew her.”
“Oh,” Xander frowned. “Didn't know that. Sorry, man.”
“It's okay,” Dave shrugged. “It's always been just me and my Dad. I never knew anything different.”
“Wow,” Xander mused. “Almost like my Dad.”
“What do you mean?” Dave frowned.
“His mother died when he was a kid, like when he was seven,” Xander pointed out. “And his father died when he was nineteen, twenty. Something like that. He isn't big on details when it comes to that stuff. I just know Mom says that Dad had to grow up too soon. He and his Dad had to take care of my Aunt Lizzie, and money was really tight for them, so Dad had to help keep the hardware store up and running, and try to keep Aunt Lizzie in check.”
“That sucks,” Dave sympathized.
“Yeah, he's pretty twitchy about my grandparents,” Xander sighed. “You gotta walk on eggshells when you ask anything about them. He used to do this Dark Day thing on the anniversary of his father's death. Mom says he used to just disappear, and be all depressed. But then Grace ended being born on the whole Dark Day thing, so Dad let it go, sort of. He still starts out pretty grouchy on her birthday, but he sucks it up by the end of the day.”
“So basically, what you're telling me is I finally have some common ground with Mr. D, but I can't ever bring it up, because he'll kill me for talking about it,” Dave sighed. “Why can't you give me something more useful, like he likes microwave popcorn, I like microwave popcorn, let's like microwave popcorn together?”
“He hates microwave popcorn,” Xander snorted.
“Damn it,” Dave muttered. “I'm going to die a very frustrated guy.”
“Well, you could always trade up for a safer bet,” Xander teased. “Mandy Coleman would definitely end your frustration in a heartbeat.”
“But I don't want to trade up,” Dave sighed.
“Well, then you're screwed,” Xander laughed. “But only in the figurative sense.”
“I'm not out to screw your sister,” Dave sighed. “I just don't want to live in fear of getting busted with my hand too low on her back.”
“Well, Dad is sort of easing up on you,” Xander offered hopefully. “As long as you don't get caught copping a feel in the book store anymore, you're in the clear.”
“I learned my lesson,” Dave nodded.
“And you have a little reprieve, at least until my Dad gets back.”
“Where's Mr. D? Grace didn't mention that,” Dave frowned.
“He's in Philly with Jess,” Xander explained. “He's taking a week to lay down all kinds of threats, and help Jess fix up the place for when Rory moves in. They're converting Jess's office into a nursery.”
“No wonder she's been so evil,” Dave grinned. “The little witch is taunting me. I can technically touch without fear, but she knows I won't because I've been brainwashed.”
“Well, just for the record, if you get too touchy-feely, I'll have to kick your ass,” Xander replied. “It's part of the duties of being acting man of the house, nothing personal.”
“I'm bigger than you,” Dave argued.
“Yeah, but I'd still get in a few good hits before I went down,” Xander grinned.
“Aw hell, I'm not going to do anything,” Dave grumbled. “I'm practically a eunuch, anyway.”
“Wow, breaking out the two dollar words,” Xander laughed. “You must be feeling the pain.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Dave sighed. “Just do me a favor, will ya?”
“Okay,” Xander shrugged. “What?”
“Tell your sister to ease up on the pom pom shaking, okay? She's killing me,” Dave moaned.
ooo
Dave and Grace walked toward Dave's house, a bag of food from Luke's in tow. “So what were you and Xander yammering about?” Grace asked.
“Just stuff,” Dave shrugged. “Nothing of any importance whatsoever.”
“Come on,” Grace sighed. “Out with it. I'll start shaking my pom poms again.”
“Damn it,” Dave grunted. “Stop being so mean.”
Grace jumped in front of Dave. “Davey, Davey, he's my man, if he can't do it, no one can!” she chanted. “Down, down, down the court, up, up, up, the court...”
“I hate that you're a cheerleader,” Dave grunted, pushing past Grace.
“Why?” Grace asked. “Is it my super-cool uniform? My ultra-sexy saddle shoes? Is it because I'm so bendy?”
Dave stomped up the steps of his porch. “You know what? You suck. You know your Dad isn't around, and you're trying to tease the hell out of me. That is totally not fair.” He flung open the front door and marched into the living room, throwing the bag of food onto the coffee table. “I'll get some plates,” he grumbled. “Try not to get all bendy on the couch while I'm gone, okay?”
Grace scowled as Dave slammed cabinets and drawers as he retrieved plates and silverware. She stuck out her lower lip as he stomped back into the living room.
“Oh stop it,” he growled. “Don't try to use the pouty face on me, it won't work.”
“I'm sorry,” Grace sighed. “I'm just in a stupid mood this week. I thought you'd be glad I wasn't all depressed and mopey and going all Edgar Allen Poe over something for a change. I'm just excited for Rory and Jess, and I'm going to be an aunt soon, and it makes me feel romantic-y. I'm just going overboard with the happy, flirty stuff, I guess. I didn't mean to be mean.”
Dave sighed. “It's okay, you just drive me nuts, you know that?”
“Sorry,” Grace offered again. “When does your Dad get home, anyway?”
“Nine,” Dave shrugged. “He works late tonight. Maybe he has a girlfriend, and he's wining and dining her in Hartford.”
“Really?” Grace grinned. “That would be so cute.”
“Nah,” Dave replied. “Dad gave up on women a long time ago.”
“That's no good,” Grace frowned, attacking her cheeseburger with vigor. “Damn, I'm hungry,” she giggled, her mouth full.
“Gee, you?” Dave laughed. “Wouldn't have guessed it.”
Dave and Grace finished up their meal and curled up on the couch, watching the television. “I have to go soon,” Grace sighed.
“Not yet,” Dave murmured, wrapping his arms around Grace. “Just one more half hour of hair sniffing, okay?” he grinned, burying his face in Grace's curls.
“Okay, half hour,” Grace sighed, snuggling into Dave's arms. “Why does the cheerleader thing get you so cranky, Davey?”
“Stop calling me Davey,” Dave growled. “And how can you not know why?”
“I don't,” Grace shrugged. “It's not like I'm doing anything wrong, it's just...cheerleading.”
“Yeah,” Dave moaned. “With the really short skirt, and the legs, and the hips. Damn it, Gracie, you're not the only one with hormones, you know. Ever since you've started running around school in that getup, I'm averaging a porny thought every two seconds.”
“Porny isn't a word,” Grace giggled.
“It is in my sick little world,” Dave sighed.
Grace rolled and straddled Dave's hips, sitting upright. “You have bad thoughts about me?” she grinned.
“Aw, crap, get off of me,” Dave moaned, as Grace giggled and leaned down to kiss him. “Not nice to not share,” she whispered, trailing kisses across his jaw.
“Fuck,” Dave whispered, sitting upright and pushing Grace away from his lap. “Not cool,” he growled, his eyes gleaming.
“Sorry,” Grace muttered, leaning on Dave's shoulder. “I just like your lips. You have nice lips.”
Dave sighed miserably as Grace stroked his chest. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the roller coaster of thoughts in his head. “I like your lips too,” he mumbled. Grace smiled up at Dave.
“Then kiss me, dummy,” she laughed. Dave leaned over and kissed Grace ferociously. “Oh boy,” she gasped as they tumbled back onto the couch. Grace curled her fingers into Dave's hair as she pulled him into their kiss. She whimpered as she felt Dave's hands frantically seeking out the hem of her sweater, while Grace pushed her hands under Dave's shirt, exploring Dave's back with gentle touches. He hesitantly stroked her skin, moaning as he felt Grace's legs widen to accommodate his body. Dave broke the kiss, gasping for air, and staring down at Grace.
For once, Grace was speechless. She blinked rapidly, drinking in the sight of Dave's eyes, dark with desire. “Dave,” she whispered softly, gasping again as Dave lowered his head and began to lavish her neck with kisses. “Oh boy,” she sighed, squirming closer as Dave's hands roamed underneath her sweater. “Oh crap,” Grace muttered, her eyes widening as Dave's hand skimmed over her bra.
Dave groaned and pushed Grace's sweater up. His breath came raggedly as he slid down, kissing her exposed skin. “Gracie,” Dave rasped. “Jesus, you're so gorgeous,” he gasped, and moved up to recapture her lips. “I love you,” he panted as he covered Grace's mouth with his own.
“Dave,” Grace whispered against his mouth, panicking as Dave's touches became more insistent. He moved his head back to her neck, sucking fervently at the skin below her ear. “Dave,” Grace hissed. “You're gonna leave a mark, stop!” Grace slapped Dave's arm, causing him to rear up and look at her.
Dave glanced down at Grace's exposed skin and moaned, grinding his obvious arousal against Grace's hip. “Jesus,” he gasped, staring at Grace through heavy lidded eyes.
“Dave,” Grace pleaded. “It's too much, okay? I'm not ready. I can't. Geez, snap out of it,” she begged.
Dave closed his eyes and hung his head. “Fuck,” he whispered as Grace hurriedly pulled her sweater down. He shook his head hard and opened his eyes, blinking rapidly as he processed the nervous expression on Grace's face. “Shit,” he cried, pushing himself away from Grace and falling back on the other end of the couch. He grabbed a throw pillow and covered himself with it. “Sorry,” Dave gasped. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...I'm sorry, Gracie,” he whispered.
Grace sat up shakily. “It's okay,” she mumbled. “I kind of baited you there, didn't I?”
“Yesss,” Dave hissed. “You really did, damn it.”
Grace stared at Dave as he tried to regain his composure. He leaned back against the cushions, squeezing his eyes shut and covering his face with his hand. “Davey?” she whispered hesitantly.
Dave held up his hand. “Just...give me a sec,” he sighed. “Trying to think of....not you kinds of things.”
“Okay,” Grace nodded, grabbing her jacket from the floor and covering her legs as she curled up on her end of the couch. “Think about Kirk. Naked. Eating Jello,” she smiled shakily.
“What?” Dave cried, jerking his hand away from his face. “Gross,” he mumbled. Dave stared at the ceiling. “Gross, but effective,” he grinned. “Good call.”
Grace groaned loudly, slouching down in her seat. “Okay, we obviously can't handle the alone thing,” she sighed.
“Yeah,” Dave rasped. “Alone is really dangerous.”
“Do I have a hickey?” Grace asked warily, holding up her hair.
Dave leaned closer, inspecting her neck. “Shit,” he sighed. “You do.”
“No ponytails this week,” Grace decided, pulling her hair forward to cover the glaring evidence of their reckless behavior.
“I'm sorry,” Dave offered sincerely. “Hey, um...did I...I didn't scare you, did I?”
“What's so scary about being about two seconds away from having sex?” Grace laughed nervously. “You didn't. It did.”
“I'm really sorry,” Dave said again, reaching over to take Grace's hand. “I just was gone, totally in a zone, I guess. It just took a second for it to sink in that you were waving the warning flag.”
“I know,” Grace smiled. “You look funny when you're all worked up, you know that?”
“Shut up,” Dave growled. “I'm being serious. I wouldn't...you know, push the issue, okay? You looked scared, and that's really not cool. I didn't mean to scare you.”
“I know,” Grace assured him. “I get it, but we went way too far there, Flutie. We need to not go there again.”
“Oh man, don't use your Dad's nicknames,” Dave cringed. “This is so not the time to bring your father into the mix.”
“Okay, um, I have to go,” Grace said, standing up. “I think it will be a lot safer if I just run away right now, okay?”
Dave nodded, rising to his feet. “Want me to walk you home?”
“No, I need to go it alone,” Grace shuddered. “I need to take advantage of the cold air, and not be in touching distance of you right now.”
“Okay,” Dave sighed as Grace opened the front door. “Do you hate me?”
“No!” Grace cried, standing on her tiptoes to kiss Dave on the cheek. “Just a little afraid of your hormones, at the moment. And mine,” she added.
“Do I meet you tomorrow to walk to school, or should I stay away?” Dave asked miserably, staring at his shoes.
“Meet me,” Grace frowned. “Hey, we're okay, we just got a little crazy, that's all. No harm, no foul.”
“Counted several fouls, actually,” Dave muttered.
“I love you, dummy,” Grace sighed. “I'll see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Love you too,” Dave sighed, kissing Grace softly. “And I'm sorry. Won't happen again, I promise.”
“Ever?” Grace asked innocently.
“Don't go there,” Dave growled. “You've already gotten me into enough shit tonight, you wench.”
“Bite me,” Grace scowled. “Oh wait, you already did,” she laughed, rubbing her neck. “Sleep tight,” she sighed as she started down the porch stairs.
“Right,” Dave muttered. “Sleep. That's the last thing that's going to happen.” He watched as Grace walked to the end of the block, waving as she turned the corner and glanced back. Once she disappeared from view, Dave shut the door and slumped against it. “Dead,” he gasped. “The minute Mr. D. gets back, I am dead.”
Chapter 48: The Birds And The Bees And Seabiscuit
Grace opened the front door, peering in to see if anyone was around. The coast looked clear, so Grace quietly slipped into the living room. She had almost made it to the steps when she heard Lorelai's voice approaching from the kitchen.
“Freeze, kid,” Lorelai said sternly, pointing at Grace. Grace sighed, and stood at the foot of the steps.
Lorelai had the phone to her ear. “Rory,” she mouthed to Grace, holding up her finger. Grace relaxed, figuring that Lorelai just intended to give her a Rory update.
“Uh huh,” Lorelai spoke into the phone. “Okay, so when are you planning to do all this?” Lorelai listened for a moment. “Well, of course I'm going to come out there and help, hon, Jess is going to help, too, right?” Lorelai laughed, and looked at Grace. “She said Jess wants to move to Hawaii because Philadelphia is suddenly way to close to Luke and his constant baby lectures.” Lorelai turned her attention back to the phone. “Yeah, Grace is here. Rory says 'hey',” Lorelai smiled.
“Hey,” Grace replied, waving at Lorelai and the phone. She slunk over to the couch, waiting for Lorelai to finish up her conversation. Lorelai wandered back out into the kitchen, returning after she had said goodbye to Rory. Grace nervously played with her hair, trying to keep it so that it fell in front of her shoulders.
“Hey, kid,” Lorelai smiled, sitting down next to Grace. “A little late, aren't you?”
“Sorry,” Grace shrugged. “We were watching tv and downing massive quantities of cheeseburgers and french fries.”
“Mm,” Lorelai grinned. “I smell a trip to Luke's.”
Grace nodded. “The only way to get a decent meal when Pop is away. So is Rory getting set to move back East?”
“Yeah,” Lorelai sighed. “I guess Jess and I will go out and help her get packed up. Jess is going to head out next week, and I'll fly out in two.”
“So everything is going good with them?” Grace asked.
“Yep,” Lorelai nodded. “They're happy, and they're looking forward to settling in together.”
“It'll be nice to see her more often,” Grace sighed. “I hate only seeing her on Christmas.”
“And sometimes Arbor Day,” Lorelai pointed out.
“Yeah,” Grace laughed. “Guess I should get to bed, huh?”
“Grace?” Lorelai began. “You were an hour late. That's not flying in under the radar, you know?”
“Mom,” Grace whined. “Practice ran late, and I was really hungry. It was no big deal.”
“Then why were you trying to pull a Mission Impossible by sneaking in?” Lorelai pressed.
“Because I knew you'd go into meltdown mode,” Grace sulked.
“Your Pop isn't going to be too thrilled that Dave kept you out past curfew,” Lorelai said sternly.
“Well, Pop needs to just lay off Dave, okay?” Grace seethed. “Maybe if he stopped pressuring my boyfriend all the time, we wouldn't have to take an extra hour just because he left town. Maybe if Pop laid off of us, things wouldn't be so crazy, ever think of that Mom? And why is he always acting like Dave is just waiting to jump my bones? Last time I checked, my boyfriend loved me. And he's good, and he's sweet, and Pop needs to just see that a lot of guys wouldn't be as understanding as Dave is, you know? He puts up with a lot of shit, Mom, and most guys would just try to jump you in the passenger seat of their stupid cars. At least Dave has the decency to listen to me, damn it,” Grace ranted.
“Nice potty mouth,” Lorelai scowled. “Turn the obscenity volume down a notch, please.”
“Sorry,” Grace huffed.
“Where's that coming from?” Lorelai asked, playing with a lock of Grace's hair. Grace yanked her hair out of Lorelai's hand and lowered her head. “Grace?” Lorelai pressed, narrowing her eyes at the girl.
“Geez,” Grace moaned, whipping her hair off her neck. “Got a neck full of suck mark,” she pointed out, rolling her eyes.
Lorelai's jaw dropped. “Ew, Grace,” she cried. “Did Dave attack you with a Hoover?”
“No, Mom, he attacked me with his mouth,” Grace snarked.
“What the hell was he thinking?” Lorelai asked sharply. “What the hell were YOU thinking?”
“Mom,” Grace wailed. “This is hard!”
“What's hard?” Lorelai asked, her voice rising in panic.
“Waiting!” Grace cried. “Do you even remember how hard it was to not do things you really wanted to do? Oh, I guess not, you just got down to it and got pregnant.”
“You need to check your attitude,” Lorelai warned. “I have no problem discussing things your father would rather solve with a baseball bat and a shallow grave, but you'd better remember who you're talking to. I'm your mother, and you will calm down, and show some respect.”
“I'm sorry,” Grace moaned, holding her head in her hands. “This was a really rough night, okay?”
“How rough?” Lorelai cringed. “Did anything happen? With Dave? Was he being too....demanding?”
“No,” Grace sighed. “The problem is I'm a big, horrible, short skirt wearing, pink panty hinting hussy.”
“Uh, what?” Lorelai asked. “I'm lost here.”
“I've been teasing Dave like crazy this week,” Grace sighed. “I knew I was doing it, but I didn't think it was, you know, that effective.”
“How effective?” Lorelai groaned. “And where the hell do you stand in the waiting game, Gracie?”
“Aw, geez, we're still standing in the card-carrying virgins line, Mom.”
Lorelai exhaled sharply, obviously relieved. “Yay for the card-carrying.”
“But it was my fault,” Grace blurted out. “I got him all worked up, and I know you're going to tell Pop, and I'm really going to hate you for that, but you gotta understand, he tries really hard to not let us get into those situations, and how the heck is he supposed to keep it in check when I'm tackling him and acting like he's Seabiscuit?”
“Oh, god, Grace, don't use that kind of imagery,” Lorelai shuddered. “That's just weird.”
“You know what? I really wanted to mess around,” Grace admitted. “That's why I've been giving him such a hard time. I really wanted to wear him down. And I liked it. I liked what was happening, and for a minute, I kind of didn't want to stop, but I totally panicked, and pushed him away.”
“You're both only human,” Lorelai sympathized. “You have to play nice, though, Grace. It's not fair to instigate a situation that you aren't ready to see all the way through. And apparently, you are pretty lucky, if you have a guy who is willing to back down when you say you've had enough.”
“I hate hormones!” Grace screeched.
“Honey, calm down,” Lorelai smiled. “Listen, you're growing up. And I know Luke still sees a four year old little girl who insisted on dressing up as Mister Rogers for Halloween. But you're not a little girl anymore. To him, you're always going to be his weird little Gracie. But he knows you're growing up, too. And he isn't trying to hold you back, that man is just trying to protect you, and keep you safe and happy. Nothing terrifies him more than the thought that Dave McArdle, or any other boy for that matter, is going to break your heart. He worries about every one of you kids when you're out of his sight.”
“Pop is way hard-core,” Grace sighed. “He'd disown me if we ever...you know.”
“No he won't,” Lorelai sighed. “Kid, you can't be afraid to talk to us. We can't make your decisions for you. We can offer you our personal experiences and hope that you make good choices, but in the end, it's up to you. You need to be responsible, and safe, and think things through. Weigh the consequences of your actions. Eventually though, if you and Dave stay together, you may make the decision to take things further, and I can only beg you to come to us first. Talk to us, okay?”
Grace nodded silently.
“Grace?” Lorelai pressed. “Is this something you think may happen soon?”
“I don't know,” Grace whispered. “I think it may...happen.”
“Why?” Lorelai asked.
“Why?” Grace laughed nervously. “Isn't it obvious?”
“No, it isn't,” Lorelai argued. “If you think you're ready to go down this path, at the very least you should have reasons.”
“I love him,” Grace shrugged. “And I know everyone thinks he's just my first boyfriend, and I'm being naïve to think that we're always going to be together, but Mom, I really think there's something here, and I really think we're...he's not just my first boyfriend. I really feel things about him. And I want him to be a part of my life. And we work at it, you know? We make big, rational decisions about our future, and we worry about stupid things like do we raise our kids in Stars Hollow, or will we move away, and what if I don't make it as dancer? What's my fall-back plan? And what if Dave doesn't get any good football scholarships? We make plans, Mom. Jesus, do you know that Dave has spent the last two weeks trying to explain 401Ks to me?”
“Really?” Lorelai snorted, trying to contain her laughter. “That is the cutest thing I've ever heard. Have you discussed pork futures yet?”
“Mom,” Grace groaned.
“Okay, so you guys discuss your future. So go jump in the sack. Get down and dirty,” Lorelai sighed.
“It's not just that,” Grace retorted.
“Then what is it?” Lorelai pressed.
“I want to be close to him. I want to...I don't know. Connect with him on that level,” Grace shrugged. “I can't imagine it happening with anyone else but him. I feel safe with him, Mom. I feel like I'm with someone who really gets me. And I get him. There's just this thing when we're together. Like we fit. Totally.”
“Wow,” Lorelai sighed, pulling Grace close. “You really got it bad, don't you, kiddo?”
“I do,” Grace moaned. “I feel like I left a leg at his house tonight.”
“Is he your right leg or your left leg?” Lorelai smiled.
“Sometimes he's half my ribcage,” Grace giggled. “Or my right lung.”
“My girls are all getting their own Lukes,” Lorelai smiled. “How did that happen?”
“Sammie is still way out of the game,” Grace snorted. “I busted her watching 'Powerpuff Girls' re-runs last week.”
“And I busted you watching re-runs of 'My Friend Rabbit' two days ago,” Lorelai shot back.
“Catchy theme song,” Grace grinned. “Hey, I'll come to you before it happens, I promise.”
“Thanks,” Lorelai sighed. “I may actually be able to sleep tonight if you promise me that, at least.”
“And it's not going to happen in like the next week, so you don't need to worry about that,” Grace explained. “I'm not actually there yet. If tonight proved anything, I'm still definitely not ready to take that step.”
Lorelai nodded. “Don't ever do anything you aren't ready for, okay Gracie? Not with Dave, not with anybody. Ever. It's your life, nobody gets to make that call except you.”
“I won't,” Grace promised.
“Good,” Lorelai smiled. “I know you well enough to know that nobody can bully you into doing anything. If anything, you're the big bully.”
“Is there any way to actually brace Pop for this kind of thing?” Grace asked warily. “Any way that doesn't shave twenty years off of Dave's life expectancy?”
“I'll figure something out,” Lorelai promised. “I have no clue what that's going to be, but something will come to mind. I've known him for a quarter of a century. I can swing this.”
“My head hurts,” Grace muttered.
“Well yeah,” Lorelai laughed. “With the virginity threats and the greasy diner food, and Seabiscuit, you must be on the verge of a brain aneurysm.”
“And the worst thing is, you know what was really eating at me on my way home tonight?” Grace asked.
“Was it whether Dave was more McDreamy or McSteamy?” Lorelai guessed.
“Huh?” Grace frowned.
“Never mind,” Lorelai sighed. “It was a television thing...you were too young.”
“Okay,” Grace shrugged. “So this whole thing with Rory and Jess, what's the deal with that, anyway?”
“What do you mean?” Lorelai asked. “When two people love each other, they express it intimately. Many many years after they first get together,” Lorelai said pointedly. “Then, an egg travels down the fallopian tube...”
“Oh, cut it out,” Grace laughed. “I mean, so when the baby comes, am I the baby's aunt? Or is the baby my second cousin?”
Lorelai stared at Grace thoughtfully, twirling one of the girl's curls around her finger. “You know what, Sweetie?” she finally replied. “I have absolutely no clue.”
Chapter 49: Gimpy McGimperson Comes Home
Sammie glanced up as she saw a set of headlights shine through the window. “Dad's home!” she exclaimed.
“Oh, thank god,” Drew moaned, laying his head on his the textbook that lay open before him on the coffee table. “Maybe we'll get a real meal tonight.”
“Oh, shush,” Lorelai scolded, jumping up and peering through the window. “It is your Dad!” she said happily.
“So hungry,” Drew whispered pathetically.
“You just ate four Pop Tarts and half a bag of tater tots,” Sammie pointed out as Lorelai darted out the front door. Lorelai stood on the porch, watching Luke extricate himself from the car, leaning heavily on his cane as he walked back to the trunk to retrieve his bag.
“Overwork the bionic leg?” Lorelai asked as she hurried to the car to lend a hand.
“In a big way,” Luke groaned, leaning on the car as Lorelai approached. “It's been screaming for three days straight now.”
“Gotta be careful with that,” Lorelai frowned, wrapping her arms around Luke's waist. “Hi, sailor,” she smiled, tilting her face up to Luke's.
“Hey there, pretty lady,” Luke grinned, lowering his head to Lorelai's face and kissing her gently.
“Missed you,” Lorelai murmured against Luke's lips.
“Ditto,” Luke whispered, pulling Lorelai into a bear hug. “Jess isn't very cuddly on a cold night.”
“Ew,” Lorelai giggled into Luke's chest. “How's the nursery coming along?”
“Fully bedroom converted, painted, and ready for Rory's decorating enjoyment,” Luke sighed. “Hallelujah.”
“Christopher called,” Lorelai sighed, cringing as she felt Luke stiffen.
“What for?” Luke growled, pulling back to look at Lorelai.
Lorelai shrugged, looking up at Luke. “Just to vent about Rory being pregnant, and to see if this was something to be happy about,” she replied, rolling her eyes.
“After all these years, he still needs to be prompted on how to react?” Luke scoffed bitterly.
“Same old Christopher,” Lorelai frowned. “Just giving you full disclosure, Babe.”
“I know,” Luke sighed, pulling Lorelai closer. “Never going to not hate that schmuck. How long did it take him to get back to her on the subject?”
“Don't get territorial,” Lorelai smiled, fingering Luke's jacket. “Rory loves Chris, but she loves you, too. Chris is her father, who sends his congratulations via a belated email. You're her Dad, who gives her peppermint tea and crackers to make her belly feel better. Believe me, Rory's eyes are wide open when it comes to these things.”
Luke shrugged, burying his face into Lorelai's neck. “I don't want to be competitive about this stuff,” he sighed. “But it really irritates me when he puts on the five minute daddy show before he goes back to focusing on the daughter he bothered to raise.”
“Ancient history,” Lorelai murmured, stroking Luke's back. “You're going to be a terrific grandfather. Or great-uncle. Whatever that's going to be.”
Luke laughed and raised his head. “We need to hire a genealogist to figure this mess out.”
“But it's a beautiful mess,” Lorelai smiled, disentangling herself from Luke's arms and grabbing his bag out of the trunk and closing the hatch. “I'll get your bag, Gimpy McGimperson.”
“Glad to see I've got you well trained,” Luke grunted as they walked toward the house. “How are the troops? Did they go all 'Lord Of The Flies' while I was gone?”
Lorelai stopped short on the porch, slapping her forehead. “I knew there was a reason why Drew was running around in a grass skirt and Sammie was jumping on the couch screaming 'Kill the pig! Bash him in!'. I thought she was just having a bad reaction to 'Charlotte's Web'.”
“You're a beast and a swine and a bloody, bloody thief,” Luke said thoughtfully.
Lorelai spun around to face Luke. “Wow,” she whispered reverently. “A thousand million points for such a vague literary reference.”
“Hey, I was a boy once,” Luke shrugged. “It was a cool book. All the bashing and the beastie talk. I had nightmares for a week after I read that story.”
“And here I thought you only read 'In-Fisherman' as a child,” Lorelai laughed as they walked into the house.
“I am a multi-dimensional person,” Luke nodded as he peeled off his jacket. “You'll never really completely uncover the true essence of me. I'm too complex.”
“I think you're developing a complex, that's for sure,” Lorelai sighed. “Look what I found, kiddies,” she smiled.
“Hey Daddy,” Sammie smiled, running to hug Luke. “Bring me anything?”
“Uh, yeah,” Luke replied, handing Sammie his jacket. “Take it. Love it. Treasure it. And hang it up for me, will you?”
“Gee thanks,” Sammie snarked, carrying the jacket to the closet.
“Cook for us!” Drew cried mournfully, his head still resting on his text book.
“Good to see you, too,” Luke retorted. “Your hair is lying in a puddle of ketchup, by the way. I don't think you've been starving, kid.”
“I'm a growing boy,” Drew pouted, fingering the hair that was resting dangerously close to his empty plate.
“The way you eat, it's a wonder you haven't grown to the size of Jabba the Hut,” Luke grunted, sitting down on the couch.
“I'm so hungry I could eat Jabba,” Drew sighed.
“That's a disturbing image,” Luke replied.
“Pizza the Hut,” Sammie noted, returning to the living room.
“Huh?” Drew asked, looking quizzically at Sammie.
“Spaceballs,” Lorelai laughed, flopping down next to Luke. “It would be more appropriate for you to eat Pizza the Hut, not Jabba.”
“Pizza,” Drew murmured. “Pizza would be awesome.”
“Geez,” Luke sighed. “Is he gearing up for another growth spurt?”
“Looks like,” Lorelai smiled. “They always go into binge mode right before they shoot up another three inches.”
“I'm ready to start gnawing on the table,” Drew noted.
“That was Xander's thing,” Lorelai pointed out.
“Huh?” Drew asked, confused again.
“See that?” Lorelai asked, leaning forward to point at a few nicks in the coffee table.
“Yeah?” Drew replied.
“Those are Xander's chew marks. He really liked to snack on the coffee table when he was teething,” Lorelai giggled.
“Weirdo,” Sammie laughed. “No wonder he needs a retainer.”
Drew bared his teeth and lowered his head toward the coffee table. “Oh for the love of god,” Lorelai sighed. “I'll make you a Hot Pocket.” Luke laughed out loud as Lorelai went out to the kitchen to scrape up some food for the boy.
“Drama queen,” Luke chuckled at Drew.
“Simple but effective,” Drew shrugged, returning to his homework.
“You could just get off your lazy ass and make something to eat,” Luke scoffed.
“Where's the fun in that?” Drew asked distractedly.
“Good point,” Luke nodded. “I'm going to head up and turn in early, I'm beat. Enjoy your Hot Pocket, you brat.”
“I will,” Drew grinned. “Night,” he added as Luke ruffled his hair.
“Night, Dad,” Sammie said, craning her neck up to give Luke a kiss.
“Night, kiddo,” he sighed and made his way up the stairs.
Lorelai brought Drew his Hot Pocket and glanced around. “Where did your father go?” she frowned as she set Drew's plate on the coffee table.
“Bed,” Sammie mumbled, not looking up from her textbook.
“Geez,” Lorelai muttered. “It's eight o'clock. Keep trucking on your homework, I'm going upstairs to check on Sleeping Beauty.”
“Don't be gross,” Drew called after Lorelai.
“We'll be as gross as we want to be,” Lorelai shot back as she climbed the stairs. “You just keep holding on to your hard-learned lessons about knocking first.”
“Yuck,” Sammie sighed, shaking her head.
“Trust me, total yuck,” Drew shuddered. “Dad's a perv.”
“It was just kissing,” Lorelai yelled from the top of the stairs, turning to walk toward the bedroom. “Luke?” she called softly, opening the door.
“What was just kissing?” Luke mumbled. He was still fully clothed, laying on his side on top of the still-made bed.
“Us,” Lorelai smiled, crawling up on the bed next to Luke. “Drew was having a foreplay flashback.”
“Serves him right for not knocking,” Luke yawned.
“Why are you in bed?” Lorelai scowled, snuggling up to Luke.
“Tired,” Luke shrugged. “Hard work. Gets us old farts worn out.”
“Is your leg really bothering you?” Lorelai asked, rubbing the side of Luke's thigh gently.
Luke nodded. “Massive throbbing happening right now.”
“Dirty,” Lorelai whispered. “But not the kind of throbbing I like. Did you take anything?”
“Yep,” Luke sighed. “Waiting for the nice pills to start doing their job.”
“Hey,” Lorelai smiled. “Can we talk?”
“What about?” Luke groaned, wincing as he rolled onto his back.
“Just stuff,” Lorelai shrugged.
“Christopher?” Luke asked warily, narrowing his eyes at Lorelai.
“No,” Lorelai responded. “Kid stuff.”
“Oh,” Luke sighed. “Which kid did what while I was gone?”
“Don't flip out on me, okay?” Lorelai sighed. “This is serious grown up Mommy and Daddy discussing the fate of their children stuff, not crazy Poppy stuff, got it?”
“Shit,” Luke moaned. “What did Grace do?”
“We did some talking,” Lorelai explained. “About stuff.”
“Thanks for clarifying,” Luke muttered. “What are we dealing with here?”
“Luke,” Lorelai sighed, sitting up. “I think it's time for Grace to go on the pill.”
“What?” Luke cried, struggling to sit upright. “Why in the hell do you think that?”
“Because, hon, it's going to happen,” Lorelai said, grabbing Luke's hand.
“Like hell it is,” Luke growled, running his fingers through his hair. “It's time to kick Dave to the curb, that's what time it is.”
“We can't tell her who she can and can't love,” Lorelai argued. “She loves him. I know we like to think that she's too young for this, but Babe, she really loves him.”
“It's her first boyfriend,” Luke cried. “She doesn't know...”
“Let's talk about when you were sixteen,” Lorelai said sharply. “Who were you with?”
“Rachel,” Luke growled. “You know that.”
“Did you love her?” Lorelai asked. Luke only shook his head and scratched at his stubble. “Looking back now, do you question whether or not you really loved her, or do you stand by how you felt at the time?” Lorelai pressed.
Luke sighed miserably. “I loved her.”
“Exactly,” Lorelai shot back. “And I loved Christopher.”
“Don't remind me,” Luke snarked.
“It's real,” Lorelai insisted. “Maybe it's just her first love, but sometimes, people have only one love in their life. It's not realistic, but we can't discount that maybe they can work together. She thinks she has it, and you know and I know that odds are it won't last, but those kids are really invested in this thing, whatever it is. And as much as you hate to admit it, we both know that Dave really loves her. And he's a good boy.”
“How invested?” Luke asked, his voice cracking.
“Invested enough for at least one really close call this week, and you and I both need to be rejoicing right now in the fact that Gracie is with a boy who cares enough about her to listen when she says 'stop' awfully late in the game,” Lorelai replied.
“Jesus,” Luke rasped. “What the hell went on?”
“Apparently, Gracie went into Lethal Lolita mode and overloaded Dave's hormonal hard drive,” Lorelai explained. “He's in the grips of puberty, Luke, you remember that. She said 'go', and he went. What's important is that he stopped.”
“That little son of a...” Luke whispered.
“No,” Lorelai warned. “Your daughter was the one who made the bad move. You need to keep that in the forefront of your mind, hon.”
“Crap,” Luke moaned, laying back down on his pillow. “So, your solution is to put her on the pill?”
“I think it's the wisest thing to do,” Lorelai shrugged, laying on her side and facing Luke.
“That's giving them permission,” Luke argued. “You can't just say 'Fine, go have sex, just don't make babies.' They have to wait, they need to keep it in check.”
“Oh,” Lorelai nodded. “Because we did such a good job of keeping it in check when we were sixteen. When did you get in the game again, Luke?”
“Geez,” Luke sighed.
“When was that, Luke?” Lorelai pressed. “Because I'm thinking you got in the game before I did, and if I'm not mistaken, you were just barely older than Xander.”
“Okay,” Luke sighed. “You're right. We were fifteen when it happened.”
“Listen, we've done what we can,” Lorelai argued. “We've told them what they need to be told. And frankly, I'm delirious over the fact that Grace is talking to me about it. She's afraid to tell you. And I think you need to talk to her about this, rationally, so she gets over that. She needs to be able to come to you about Dave, too. She's being forthcoming so far. She's admitted that at this point, she's still a virgin.”
“She is?” Luke asked, his voice quaking. “For sure?”
“Yeah, but she also admitted that she doesn't think that's going to last much longer,” Lorelai sighed.
“Oh boy,” Luke whispered, covering his face with his hands.
“It's in their hands now,” Lorelai said softly.
“I know,” Luke whispered.
“We need to focus on keeping them safe, and on track,” Lorelai continued. “I need you to support me on this, Babe.”
“Okay,” Luke groaned. “She goes on the pill. But not until we sit down with them. Both of them.”
“Then we need to do that post-haste,” Lorelai replied. “And you need to be calm about this. No yelling, no accusations, no dumping bodies in the lake, and no locking Grace up in her bedroom until she's eighteen.”
“Can I punch him?” Luke asked. “Just once?”
“No,” Lorelai laughed. “You cannot punch him.”
“Can I kick him?” Luke sighed. “Just a little tap? In the shin?”
“No,” Lorelai said apologetically. “We're going to be grown ups, remember?”
“I hate being a grown up,” Luke growled. “And I hate that you want me to look her in the eye and give her the green light to do this kind of stuff. It's too hard. I don't want to let that little jerk take my baby, okay? I had plausible deniability with April. She didn't have Stars Hollow boyfriends. I didn't have some snake worming his way into my daughter's life right under my nose. This is Gracie. She's not supposed to like boys. She should still be reading 'The Cat In The Hat'. Not getting groped by....him.”
“We're not giving her the green light,” Lorelai argued. “We're just telling them there needs to be responsibility involved. And they need to...oh, Jesus, I don't know,” she sighed. “But we have to be there for them, okay? We have to make sure she keeps talking to us.”
“Give me a day to digest this, all right?” Luke asked tersely. “I need some hardcore denial for at least twenty four hours.”
“All right,” Lorelai sighed as Luke pulled his pillow out from under his head and covered his face.
“Starting right now?” she teased.
“Yes,” Luke replied, his voice muffled.
“She's growing up,” Lorelai said softly.
“No,” Luke growled from beneath the pillow.
“They all are,” Lorelai sighed.
“Nooo,” Luke moaned into his pillow.
“I miss my babies,” Lorelai said sadly.
“There's another one on the way,” Luke pointed out, peeking out from under his hiding place.
“Yeah,” Lorelai grinned. “It'll be nice to see another tiny one around here. And at least Rory and Jess are nearby. We'll be able to visit them, they'll visit us. We won't miss our grand baby growing up.”
“And we don't have to worry about boys,” Luke smiled wanly, slowly coming out of hiding. “That's all Jess's problem now.”
“Being grandparents will be fun,” Lorelai smiled. “We get all the fun stuff, and when the bodily fluids start erupting, we get to hand the baby back to Mommy and Daddy.”
“I think I kind of like the idea,” Luke nodded, pushing his pillow back behind his head.
Lorelai smiled and snuggled up to Luke. “I like your denial mode. It's fun.”
“It's a happy place, with fluffy bunnies, and rainbows and lots of beer,” Luke chuckled. “You should come visit with me more often.”
“I love my little represser,” Lorelai giggled. “Are there mojitos in Denial Land?”
Luke nodded. “Anything you want to be there is there,” he assured Lorelai. “In Denial Land, the Red Sox win the Series every year, and there are no parent-teacher conferences. Or taxes. Or Kirk.”
“Let's buy a vacation home there,” Lorelai gasped.
“Already got one,” Luke grinned.
“Is it pretty?” Lorelai asked.
“It is if you say so,” Luke yawned.
“I say so,” Lorelai laughed.
“Presto,” Luke muttered. “Pretty vacation house. See how easy that was?”
Lorelai sighed deeply. “Are you going to be okay with this?” she asked warily.
“Never,” Luke growled.
“But are you going to be okay with this?” Lorelai pressed.
“Practicing my sane face as we speak,” Luke groaned.
“Good boy,” Lorelai smiled, patting Luke's hand. “You're going to get the hang of this parenting thing yet, I just know it.”
“Just let me know when I get my 'certified' sticker,” Luke mumbled. “Can I have a beer now? I really need a drink.”
“No beer in the fridge,” Lorelai said sadly. “You just go drift off to Denial Land. I'll get the kids to bed, and I'll come join you. We'll kick back our heels and have some mojitos on the beach then.”
“There's a beach?” Luke asked sleepily.
“I say there is,” Lorelai shot back.
Luke nodded. “You're very good at the denial thing,” he slurred as he closed his eyes.
“Night, slugger,” Lorelai smiled, kissing Luke's forehead, and quietly getting out of bed.
“Night,” Luke whispered as he rolled over and drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 50: Paradise Lost
Luke sat in his chair, arms folded across his chest, eyes fixed on a point somewhere slightly above and in between Grace and Dave. He blinked only when his eyes began to get painfully dry, and he was no longer able to avoid the inevitable need for moisture. He must be frowning, he assumed, because he could actually make out a faint hint of his own eyebrows. He tried to relax his features, but somehow, he wasn't able to do it. Unfurrowing his brow would mean unclenching his jaw, and at this point, unclenching his jaw would only lead to a steady stream of hysterical obscenities flying out of his mouth, and Luke had already been sternly warned to keep that in check.
So Luke stared. At that spot. It was the safest spot to fix his gaze. If he looked at Grace, he'd end up on his knees, pleading with her to snap out of it. Grab Bunbun, pack her Hello Kitty knapsack, grab the tents and go camping. Permanently. They could survive on bluegills until she was thirty. It was a safe enough age. She still had that -teen thing happening. As long as there was a -teen thing tacked on to her age, there was no acceptable reason to be participating in this intervention.
Grace shouldn't be letting herself get sidetracked by this kid, Luke thought. She had dreams. She had goals. She had a plan. He couldn't understand when exactly Dave became part of the plan. When could she possibly even schedule in time to sit around and moon over this guy? Her plate was already full. Her schedule consisted of school, dance, cheer, dance, dance, work a shift at the diner, eat a cheeseburger, sleep, and dance. There was no room for boys. There shouldn't be room for boys. But somehow, this boy was always around.
Luke shifted ever so slightly. He was developing a crick in his neck, but didn't want to make any sudden moves. The barely discernible motion he had just made had caught the attention of both Grace and Dave. Luke didn't allow his eyes to waver from that spot he was focusing on, but his peripheral vision allowed him to catch the fact that both of their heads had jerked in his general direction. They definitely were hyper aware of their surroundings. Luke blinked slowly. Lorelai's voice droned steadily on somewhere off to his right. Luke didn't turn to glance at Lorelai, although he wanted to. He was supposed to be participating in the discussion, but after about a half hour of playing the part of concerned yet compassionate father, he needed a little down time. He allowed Lorelai to run the lecture. He really didn't agree with a damn word she was saying, but he had no real choice in the matter. His only opinions on how to handle the question of raging hormones were illegal, irrational, and mostly involved time travel. So, his only option was to allow the cooler head to prevail, and at this point, Lorelai was the only cool head in the union.
To be fair, Luke had participated. Actively. Vocally. Calmly. Rationally. He had practiced the rational voice quite a bit in the last couple of days. He had even said words like 'condom', 'contraceptive', and 'pregnancy' without bashing anybody's head in. That in itself deserved accolades. The urge to inflict pain was at its greatest whenever he was trying to be informative yet non-judemental. Especially to two wide eyed, pale-faced, completely cowed teenagers. If anything justified his insistence that this conversation should not be happening, it was the image of these two kids, sitting side by side, looking like they were barely prepared to run out onto a playground for a game of kickball, much less ready to take on the responsibility of a relationship involving sexual intimacy.
The worst thing was, Luke thought, that he was younger than these two when he first took that step. And hell, he wasn't even Rachel's first. But then, he didn't have to face his father before it happened. There was an uncomfortable discussion when he was eleven about a man loving a woman, which led to fertilized eggs, and possibly v.d., but it was quickly followed up with the basic statement that if Luke ever dared to treat a girl like a pound of chopped steak, he was going to find himself on the business end of his father's belt. It was an effective threat, to say the least, considering William Danes never had a problem with introducing that business end of his belt to Luke's ass, so the conversation was filed under the same 'Don't' list as all of William's other belt related threats: Don't smoke, don't drink, don't smack your sister upside the head, don't toilet paper Mr. Doose's house, don't cross the street without looking both ways, and don't tighten the knot on your fishing line without spitting on it first, otherwise it will weaken the line, and if you lose one more good lure because you didn't spit, your dad is going to get really pissed. But he certainly didn't consider approaching his father about the possibility of going all the way with Rachel. It was basically just understood that when it happened, Luke had better man up and do right by the girl. Luke knew his own intentions. He knew he wasn't going to treat Rachel like dirt. He had no clue what Dave's intentions were. And that's what really scared him.
Luke tried to remember what the real motivation was behind him and Rachel taking it all the way. Sure, it was lust, love, the whole forbidden fruit thing. But any kid jumping in the sack had some kind of underlying motivation, right? Something was always lacking in somebody's life to take that step. That's what all the talk shows implied. Liz's motivation for her rampant experience was easy. Blame it on the 'daughter floundering without a mother's influence' theory. It was certainly his father's favorite excuse for any of Liz's behavior. And Lorelai was a fish out of water, a girl raised in a sterile environment with ridiculous rules of etiquette, and the need to keep up appearances, damn whatever really lies beneath. She was rebelling, plain and simple. But Luke's damage? He could point to the loss of his mother, too, he supposed, but really, Rachel signified escape to him, more than anything. Escape from the pressure of trying to be a man and help out his father, when all he wanted to do was do ollies on his skateboard with his buddies. Escape from having to mother hen his stupid sister who was allowed to flake out as much as she wanted while he was expected to be responsible and level-headed, no matter what. Escape from living in an environment where it seemed nobody in his family could catch a lousy break. Time alone with Rachel meant not having to count pennies, worry about the bills, wonder if the house was going to get repossessed, or stress about the weird chronic cough his dad had developed. It was time he could just be himself. And feel good. Things he rarely got as a kid.
So what the hell was Grace's damage? The kid had a good home, parents who loved her, and each other. Brothers and sisters who barely offered only typical sibling rivalry and general annoyance. She was obsessed with the dance thing, but she never received pressure from anyone but herself. School was a breeze for the girl, and she had friends. She was independent, outspoken, and confident. She had no concept of what it was like to be an outcast. She only knew what it was like to have everything she ever touched turn to gold. The kid was a golden child, no doubt about it, and she managed to do it all without being a jerk about it. Her worst shortcomings were being mildly spoiled, and being capable of making her father bend to her will with only minor effort, but it was balanced out by the fact that she was a good kid, incapable of being mean to anybody, and not prone to a Veruca Salt caliber sense of entitlement. He couldn't imagine that she was simply caving to pressure from Dave. Grace led the kid around by the nose, basically. So why were they in such a rush?
And what happened to the best friend thing? From the time she could form a coherent sentence, the one constant in their lives was the profession that they would always be best friends. Even when they were mad at each other, someone would call a time out, ask to talk to their friend. An entire lifetime of pinky swears, inside jokes, conspiratorial laughter. How many times did Lorelai admonish him for 'playing favorites'? How many times did he try in vain to explain that it wasn't favoritism, that it was because they were too much alike? He loved his children in a way that he couldn't explain. Each one of them. The idea of a moment of unhappiness for any of them was enough to make him unable to sleep at night, not until the suffering party had found their way back to contentment. He could only describe the love for his childen as fierce, overwhelming. But Grace. She was the one who got him. She was the one he only had to look at to communicate with. Sometimes, Luke thought, Grace got him slightly more than Lorelai did. Because she was him. Genetically, emotionally, she was Luke, through and through. It's why he got her. Why he could read her like a book. Because being with Grace was like being with his mother again, his father again. But now his best friend had disappeared. She didn't trust him. She was afraid of what he thought of her. And so she had turned to Lorelai. Because she couldn't face her best friend. That stung, Luke mused. That stung so much worse than everything else. She let him down because he let her down. He wanted his best friend back, so much so that he ached inside.
Luke sighed softly. He definitely didn't understand kids anymore. Trying so hard to grow up before their time, not taking the time to just enjoy being a kid. He couldn't understand sitting here pointing out the pitfalls of sex, simply because a couple of kids decided 'Hey, let's have sex now'. Sex complicated things. If things were so great between them, why did they have to add unnecessary drama? He still didn't have the whole complicated web figured out, and he was well ensconced in a long, happy marriage. Dave didn't know what he was in for, that was certain. Just by getting physically involved with a girl, any girl, you were opening yourself up to buying a one way ticket to Bizarro World. Even after all these years of marriage, Luke still couldn't figure out all the things a man had to do to keep up with his partner. Women. Complicated. It was easy from a man's perspective. Insert Tab A into Slot B, thrust, repeat a few times, go to sleep happy. The part nobody bothers to mention is the fact this has to be done with a woman. A living, breathing, complicated woman. There was no four simple steps to achieving that moment of bliss. There were traps aplenty when it came to making love to a woman. A man has to gauge mindset, mood, water retention potential, distraction level, whether or not there was a fight in the previous three months that may suddenly be referenced about three minutes before climax, a sudden flash of insecurity, too much unflattering lighting, not enough flattering lighting, the ever changing hot zones, not enough foreplay, thinking what he's doing is foreplay, but she thinks it's just a conversation, beard growth, hickey potential, being too rough, being too gentle, not being loving enough, being overly emotional, saying the wrong thing, saying the right thing, but not exactly at the right time, trying too hard, not trying hard enough, not making eye contact, staring too long, leg cramps, sweaty body suction, inability to find the right rhythm, forgetting to cuddle properly afterward, the list went on and on and on. And to top it off, the kid was nowhere near the scariness of menopause. All this for the purpose of achieving the almighty orgasm. All this because you love the damn girl, and you'd do anything to be able to stay by her side.
Luke sighed again. Even he had to admit, he wouldn't trade it all for anything in the world. The damn kids were just on the verge of beginning to discover the roller coaster ride that love really was. And he was jealous. Jealous of the newness of it all for them. Because the discovery would be squandered. It would be missed, not appreciated. Because that was the curse of being young. You don't know what you've really got until it's long since passed you by. It's there only to be understood years later, long after you can make it right, make it last. Not that he was disappointed with his life now. He loved Lorelai. Every day was still a roller coaster ride. But when he had all that new information, all that energy and passion, the conviction that all you needed was love to see you through, she wasn't there to share it with.. It was squandered, dismissed, unnoticed, ignored. The knowledge that once innocence was lost, there was no going back, was painful to admit, but even Luke knew there was no way he could ever make them appreciate that with just words. Because the only way a person can ever truly understand the truth of what the world holds for them is to leave Eden behind. Innocence is paradise, but paradise is meaningless until it's lost. Maybe life wasn't really about fighting to find a piece of that paradise again, Luke mused. Maybe it was more about the fact that you finally knew what you were fighting for. Because if you're not fighting, you're not living. And you can't really live until you have something to fight for.
Luke blinked. And there was the rub, he thought sadly. The only choice he really had was to let her fall. Let her take her first steps all over again. There was nothing he could do to prevent it. He had to handle the figurative first steps exactly as he handled those first physical steps she made as a baby. Show her how its done, let her go, and stay close by, ready to catch her if she miscalculated. Because if he didn't let her go, the world would just pass her by. His only real choice was to let her live her life, for better or worse.
“Luke?” Lorelai said again.
“Huh?” Luke asked, pulling himself out of his reverie and turning to face his wife.
“Is there anything else you want to add?” Lorelai asked softly.
Luke stared at Lorelai, then glanced at Grace. He sighed miserably, noting the shimmer of tears in her eyes as she stared back at him, silently pleading with him to understand.
“Nothing comes to my mind,” Luke said quietly, smiling sadly at Grace.
“Then I think maybe it's time we call it a night,” Lorelai nodded. “David? Do you want me to drive you home?”
“Thanks,” Dave nodded. “I'd appreciate it.”
“Sure,” Lorelai smiled, getting up and retrieving her coat and keys.
Dave lifted Grace's hand and placed a quick kiss on its back. “I'll see you later,” he whispered.
Grace nodded. “Bye,” she smiled. “Olive juice.”
“Olive juice, too,” Dave grinned, standing up. He approached Luke warily. Luke silently rose to his feet. “Thanks for...talking to us, Mr. D,” Dave said quietly, holding out his hand.
Luke stared at Dave's hand. He extended his own hand, allowing Dave to shake it nervously.
“You do right by her,” Luke rasped.
Dave nodded solemnly. “I will,” he promised. “I love her,” he shrugged helplessly.
“I know,” Luke whispered, watching as Dave slowly turned and followed Lorelai out the front door.
Luke sank back into his chair as the door closed behind Dave. He propped his head up on his fist, staring at Grace mournfully. Grace quietly regarded her father in return. They sat silently, the only sound the soft, steady tick of the clock on the mantle.
Grace cleared her throat nervously. “Hi,” she finally whispered.
“Hey,” Luke smiled wanly.
“How's it going over there?” Grace asked, fussing with her skirt.
“A little loud up here,” Luke sighed, tapping his temple.
Grace nodded. “Kind of figured,” she admitted.
“Loud over there?” Luke grunted.
“Yeah,” Grace smiled. “Seventy six trombones.”
“Just seventy six?” Luke smirked.
“Let me check,” Grace smiled, cocking her head and pretending to listen intently. “Wait,” she murmured. “More like....seventy...two,” she decided.
Luke nodded. “Nice even number, at least.”
Grace distractedly straightened the magazines strewn across the coffee table. “Poppy?” she began hesitantly.
“What's up, monkey?” Luke said softly.
“I'm sorry,” she sighed, her lower lip quivering.
“Come here,” Luke whispered, jerking his head to motion Grace over.
Grace walked over to Luke and sat on his lap. “I don't fit anymore,” she said sadly.
“Wanna bet?” Luke growled, wrapping his arms around Grace. “Fit just fine as far as I can tell,” he sighed as Grace leaned her head on his.
“I didn't want to hurt you,” she cried softly. “I really didn't.”
“Don't cry, baby girl,” Luke sighed. “You know I don't handle that well.”
“Sorry,” Grace sniffled, playing with Luke's sleeve.
“Please be careful,” Luke whispered. “Whatever you choose. Just be careful.”
“I will,” Grace nodded, wiping her cheeks.
“I”ll catch you,” Luke said, choking back the emotion in his voice. “Understand that? I'm always gonna be there to catch you, G.”
“I know,” Grace smiled tearfully. “I love you, Poppy.”
“I love you too, Gracie,” Luke sighed. “To the moon and back and to the moon again.”
“Bestest buddies?” Grace asked shakily, holding up her pinky.
“Bestest buddies, always,” Luke grinned, linking his pinky with Grace's.
Chapter 51: Never A Dull Moment
Luke stood at the counter, shuffling through receipts. He looked over to the left side of the diner, shaking his head. He was in the midst of a late afternoon lull. That rare hour that occasionally came along when nobody in Stars Hollow was hungry. Yet. A lull this all-encompassing only heralded a vicious dinner rush. And yet, the diner was crawling with people. His family, to be precise. Lorelai was holding court on this particular Saturday afternoon, Rory at her side, planning her and Jess's forthcoming wedding. For the moment, everyone was interested in the planning. Even the boys. That would change within minutes, but for the time being, the entire Danes clan was united in the singular desire to convince Rory and Jess to hold their nuptials smack dab in the middle of town. Well, everyone except for Emily. When she wasn't desperately trying to convince the gathered herd to bow to her desire to see Rory married in a cathedral in winter, she was trying to convince herself out loud that an empire waisted wedding dress couldn't possibly betray the already starting-to-get-obvious pregnancy bump Rory was displaying.
Lorelai thumbed through a magazine, furrowing her brow at the various dresses. “What kind of veil are we looking for?” she murmured.
“I wasn't really planning on wearing a veil,” Rory shrugged.
“Why not?” Lorelai asked.
“It's going to be simple,” Rory reminded Lorelai.
“Simple?” Emily frowned. “It's your wedding. It shouldn't be simple. You select simple clothing for the purpose of taking a walk, or going to a fast food restaurant. Simple doesn't apply to weddings.”
“Geez,” Jess sighed. “We don't want a big wedding. We just want to seal the deal. A few flowers to make Rory happy, friends, family, a little food. No big ordeal.”
“Oh, it doesn't matter what you think,” Emily snapped, waving her hand dismissively. “Your job is to say 'I do' at the appropriate time. The rest of the day is for Rory.”
“Well, hell, what am I doing here then?” Jess asked, rolling his eyes.
“Because you got my daughter pregnant,” Lorelai pointed out.
“Mom,” Rory sighed. “Be nice.”
“I'm only stating the obvious,” Lorelai grinned. “I just take pleasure in torturing the man. Paybacks are a bitch, aren't they Jess?”
“I'm in hell,” Jess moaned.
“So who's the maid of honor, Rory?” Sammie asked impatiently. “I'm really good at planning parties, you know.”
“Sam,” Rory smiled. “You know Mom is going to be my matron of honor.”
“But what about the MAID of honor?” Sammie pressed.
“Be my flower girl,” Rory begged.
“That's a kiddie job,” Sammie pouted.
“No it isn't, you still get to wear a pretty dress, and you still get to walk down the aisle, you just don't have to stand up for the entire ceremony,” Rory pointed out.
“Aw, geez,” Sammie sighed. “Fine, I'll do the stupid flower girl thing.”
“Mighty big of you to do so,” Jess smirked.
“You're not going to do the cute twin thing are you?” Drew moaned. “I'm so sick of the twin thing.”
“No, Drew, I won't make you wear a matching ring bearer dress,” Rory retorted, rolling her eyes. “How could there be a twin thing in any of this?”
“I don't know,” Drew shrugged. “Making us walk together?”
“You'll walk in alone,” Lorelai reassured Drew. “No twin-ness happening.”
“So why exactly am I here?” Xander asked, fidgeting miserably. “I'm not doing anything in the wedding.”
“You're a groomsman,” Emily reminded him. “You have a role, too.”
“Yeah, stand next to Dad,” Xander sighed. “Yippee.”
“And I stand next to Mom,” Grace chimed in. “See? It's already a big ordeal. So there needs to be a veil. Oh, and a really long train on your dress. Rory, wouldn't you just die to wear an old-fashioned dress? Like an Elizabethan dress. Or a...oh my god, you could totally do a 'Pride And Prejudice' style wedding. Jess could look so Mister Darcy with a little bit of work.”
“There's no way in hell that's happening,” Jess said emphatically. “I agreed to a suit. That's it. I'm not budging beyond that.”
“And I'm going to be seven months pregnant,” Rory laughed. “So I'm going to find a very pretty maternity dress to get married in.”
“That's an oxymoron,” Lorelai mumbled.
“I heard that,” Rory shot back. “I'm pregnant, not deaf.”
Lorelai stuck her tongue out at Rory. “So have we properly worn you down about getting married in the town square?”
“Why?” Emily asked impatiently. “Why would you want a wedding in front of a gazebo?”
“Well, everybody in town wants to go,” Sammie explained. “So it makes sense to just do it there.”
“Less things to decorate,” Drew nodded. “I'm not making bows. I swear, if anyone tries to make me make bows, I'm gonna move.”
“Oh, calm down,” Grace sighed. “All we would need are a few flower arrangements, if it is in the square.”
“Why don't we have it at the gym?” Xander laughed. “Then the guys could just shoot hoops on one side, and the girls can have their pansy party on the other side.”
“Not such a bad idea,” Jess grinned. “I'm for it.”
“Absolutely not,” Emily gasped.
Luke brought a pot of coffee over to the table, refilling the various cups scattered around the table. “So have you decided if you're just walking down the aisle alone?”
Rory smiled. “Well, my first choice to escort me down the aisle is already busy that day.”
Luke frowned. “You mean...Christopher...he's not coming?”
“Oh, he'll be here,” Rory shrugged. “But you're already pulling best man duties.”
Luke blushed. “Oh,” he smiled shyly. “I could quit. I don't like the groom that much, anyway.”
“Thanks,” Jess snarked.
“No,” Rory argued. “I want you up there with us. I love that you and Mom will be standing up for us. And I don't like to snub Dad, but...well, it doesn't feel right having him give me away, when he was never really around in the first place. Maybe that's mean, but when it takes you a month to respond to your daughter having to leave you a voicemail to announce her pregnancy because you never answer your cell, you don't get to have giving away privileges.”
“So, then who?” Luke asked, trying to divert the subject away from Christopher and his lackadaisical parenting.
Rory giggled. “Grandma.”
“What?” Emily asked, shocked.
“You're giving me away,” Rory shrugged. “At least, if you'd want to do that for me.” She played nervously with her coffee cup. “If things were the way they should be, I would have asked Grandpa,” she sighed sadly.
“Oh,” Emily said softly. “In that case, I'd be honored to fill in for him.”
“Good,” Rory smiled.
Grace grabbed a magazine. “So on to more pressing issues,” she said, breaking the sad silence. “Flowers. Need flowers.”
“I need to go,” Xander muttered, standing up. “I'm going to hit the batting cages for a while.”
“No chicken-winging it,” Luke instructed, walking back to the counter.
“Got it,” Xander grinned, ducking out through the diner door.
“Can I wear a purple dress?” Sammie asked, thumbing through a magazine. “I'm into purple right now.”
“We'll figure something out,” Rory sighed.
“Hey, Luke?” Lorelai called, twisting around in her seat.
“What?” Luke asked, pulling excess money out of the register and placing it into a leather deposit bag.
“Bring Bert home tonight,” Lorelai said. “We have a loose board on the back porch.”
Luke nodded as he walked around to the front of the counter. “I'll bring him. It. Whatever. I'm going to run to the bank while it's dead in here. Sam, if anyone comes in, wait on them, okay?”
“Woohoo!” Sammie exclaimed. “Bring on the customers. I need a new pair of shoes.”
Luke stared at Sammie wearily. “And your point is?”
“Two more good tips and I've got them,” Sammie explained.
“She wants Heelies,” Drew replied, rolling his eyes. “So mature.”
“Shut up, dork,” Sammie scowled, poking Drew with her elbow.
“Well, you're older,” Drew sighed. “You should act it.”
“She's eight minutes older,” Luke laughed, shaking his head. “I'll be back in a minute. Hold down the fort.”
Sammie jumped to her feet and grabbed an apron from under the counter. She leaned on the counter, drumming her fingers impatiently and staring expectantly at the diner door.
“Okay, so maybe we should go to the flower shop, see if we can get any ideas. Who's coming with?”
“I'm staying,” Drew sighed. “I gotta bus in a half hour.”
“And I have some stuff to do,” Jess said.
“Book store?” Rory grinned.
“Of course,” Jess smirked, standing up. “I have nothing to offer in terms of flower selection.”
“I have to hit Miss Patty's,” Grace said. “But I can go for a few minutes, then I have to split.”
“All right then, girls, let's go shopping,” Lorelai smiled. “Will you two be okay until your Dad gets back?”
“Got it covered,” Sammie nodded. “He'll be back in five minutes, tops.”
“Think we can handle the rush,” Drew sighed, sitting on a stool.
“Okay, well call if anything overwhelming comes up in the next five minutes, and I'll pick you two up in a couple of hours,” Lorelai replied. “Forward march, troops.” The family went their separate ways, leaving Sammie and Drew and Caesar, in the back, to mind the empty diner.
Lorelai returned to pick the twins up as planned, deciding to stop off at Doose's to stock up on some groceries with the twins, while Jess and Rory drove Emily home. The dinner rush never really happened, so Luke turned the diner over to Caesar and his part-time night help. He headed home, hoping to get to work on the that loose board Lorelai had mentioned.
Luke set Bert the toolbox on the porch and unlocked the kitchen door, entering the house. He laid his keys on the table and stretched tiredly. He winced at the pops that emanated from his spine as it protested against the sudden motion. Luke looked up, hearing a noise coming from the dim living room. He looked at his watch, squinting to see in the dusky light that filtered through the window. Grace must be home from her dance class already, he figured. Luke walked out by the desk, about to turn on the lamp when he froze. On the couch, Luke could barely make out two figures. He heard a soft moan, that unmistakable sound of a broken kiss, and the rustling of fabric. Luke took two more steps and felt his blood turn to ice. There, on the couch he could barely see the last thing he ever thought he'd actually have to walk in on. Luke could make out the silhouette of a boy, pants around his ankles, his body hovering between bare legs. Framed by a skirt. A cheerleading skirt. He could hear whispers and heavy breathing, see roaming hands, comprehend the fact that there was definitely nothing good happening here. Luke swallowed hard. Dave. Pawing his daughter. On his couch. 'That son of a...' was the only phrase that came to Luke's mind.
“Grace!” Luke roared furiously, stumbling back to the desk and switching on the lamp. Luke kept himself turned toward the kitchen.
“Christ,” a male voice muttered in the darkness. “Sorry about this.” Luke could hear the pair scrambling for their clothing.
“You have ten seconds to get decent,” he bellowed, clenching his fists tightly.
“Oh my god.” Luke could barely hear the panicked whispers. “Oh my god, this sucks.”
“Is everything covered?” Luke growled.
“Yesss,” the boy hissed.
Luke spun around. “You little bastard,” he raged, stomping into the living room. “You have the nerve to come into my house and...” Luke cut himself off as he saw a girl with strawberry blonde hair desperately trying to get her shoelace tied with trembling hands, and Xander hopping madly about, trying to get his pants pulled up and zipped over his boxers.
“Sorry, Sir,” the girl wailed, grabbing her book bag and running out of the house. Luke watched her retreat, his mouth agape. He returned his stunned gaze to Xander, who was pulling his t shirt over his head.
“What in the holy hell did I just walk in on?” Luke gasped.
“Nothing,” Xander muttered, running his hands through his hair.
“Nothing?” Luke parroted. “Nothing? That was a whole hell of a lot of nothing that I just saw, kid.”
Xander stared at Luke's shoes, his cheeks tinged a blotchy red with embarrassment.
Luke blinked, and opened his mouth to speak. No words came out. He closed his mouth again, waiting for something, anything to pop into his mind. He almost had a coherent thought formulated, at least until his eyes fell on the still wrapped condom laying on the floor.
“Go to your room,” Luke rasped.
“It's no big deal, Dad,” Xander sighed, bending over and scooping up the condom. “We've been seeing each other for a while.”
“No big deal,” Luke laughed dryly. “You need to go,” he growled, shaking his head.
“Come on, Dad,” Xander said angrily.
“Go!” Luke roared. “I swear to God, if you want to live to see the sun rise tomorrow, you will get out of my sight and let me calm down, because we can do this right now, if you want to, but I promise you, boy, you will not like the outcome.”
“Damn it,” Xander hissed, grabbing his discarded flannel shirt. He stopped in front of Luke, staring him down. “Perfectly fine for Grace to get some action, but I can't?” he snapped.
Luke folded his arms and leaned closer to Xander. “I don't recall giving Grace permission to do anything. We gave her information. The same information you've gotten. We demanded responsibility. We demanded that they look at the consequences of their actions,” Luke said sharply. “And in case you haven't noticed, at the very least, your sister has been honest. She's been forthcoming. It may not be information I want to hear, but at least she had the maturity and the cajones to face the firing squad. And she is still a card carrying member of the organization of people not having sex, in general at all, but more specifically on my couch with someone who has never even been brought home to meet the parents.”
“Aw, geez,” Xander sighed. “You interrupted it before anything could happen, Dad, criminy.”
Luke stared at Xander. “Gee, I feel better. I prevented you from desecrating my couch. I'll sleep much better tonight now, thanks.”
“It's the little things in life,” Xander snarked.
“Who the hell was that?” Luke asked loudly.
“Katie,” Xander shrugged.
“Who the hell is Katie?” Luke pressed.
“I guess she's my girlfriend,” Xander sighed.
“You guess?” Luke asked, his voice echoing through the empty house. “You guess? Let me clue you in on something here, son, you need to figure that out before dropping your drawers, okay?”
“We were just messing around,” Xander argued. “I don't even know if anything was going to happen at all, we were just...you know...we got into it more than we thought we would.”
“You don't do that to a girl,” Luke said sharply. “I thought that I'd pounded that into your head by now. You don't treat a girl like that.”
“What?” Xander asked. “What did I do that you never did in your life?”
“You do not disrespect someone like that,” Luke continued angrily. “You do not put her into the position of having to scramble for her clothes in front of her boyfriend's father. You don't set her up to be embarrassed like that. You don't feel her up on your parents' couch and then get defensive about me not liking the fact that I walked in on you rounding third base and getting ready to slide into home, you got that, kid?”
“Fine,” Xander seethed. “I get it, I'm sorry, okay? I won't mess up your stupid couch.”
“How long have you been sleeping with her?” Luke asked tersely.
“I haven't been,” Xander yelled.
“How long?” Luke bellowed.
“We haven't,” Xander insisted. “This is...geez, this is as far as it's gone, okay?”
“Who before her then?” Luke pushed. “Damn it kid, you'd better start coming up with some answers here.”
“Nobody,” Xander moaned, rubbing his forehead. “I swear. Virgin alert up and running, okay?”
Luke sighed and walked past Xander. “I need to sit down,” he muttered, dropping onto the couch and eying the cushion beside him warily. “I'm getting too old for this.”
Xander sat down in the chair closest to the stairs. “We just got carried away with it,” he said.
“Then why the hell are you packing heat?” Luke asked.
“Geez, Dad,” Xander laughed nervously. “Every guy in school has a condom in his wallet.”
Luke stared at Xander. “Okay, I'll grant you that one,” Luke conceded grudgingly. “I remember the practice well.”
“So now what?” Xander sighed.
“What do you mean?” Luke asked wearily.
“Am I grounded? Am I forbidden to see Katie anymore? Am I working every Saturday night at the diner for the next six months? What?” Xander asked.
“You're too young for this,” Luke moaned. “Why can't you guys get this? It's too damn soon. Stop trying so hard to cause yourselves grief. You have a lifetime of it waiting for you, trust me.”
“Dad,” Xander groaned.
“I don't know what, right at this moment,” Luke sighed. “I don't know. I have to talk to your mother. Obviously there's going to be some serious talking between the three of us. For now, you're in. You need to go work on your homework or something. It's going to be a long night, get it done now.”
“Fine,” Xander muttered, standing up. “I'm sorry, okay?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “Now get the hell out of here, before I have a stroke or something.”
Luke buried his face in his hands after Xander went to his room. He sat quietly for a long time, allowing himself to process the latest turn of events. He only looked up when he heard the front door opening.
“Hi Dad,” Drew mumbled around the straw he was slurping his milkshake through. “You look rough.”
“I feel rough,” Luke retorted. “Do I need to have a talk with you, too?”
Drew frowned at Luke, still sucking on his straw. “Depends. What did I do?”
“Do you like girls?” Luke asked, a hint of accusation in his voice.
“Girls are morons,” Drew stated matter-of-factly.
“You keep thinking that,” Luke nodded approvingly. “Get cracking on your homework.”
“Oookay,” Drew shrugged, and dragged his backpack upstairs as Sammie and Lorelai walked in.
“Hey, Babe,” Lorelai smiled.
Luke glared at Sammie. “You, too,” he said sternly.
“Me, too what?” Sammie asked in confusion.
“Boys are morons,” Luke explained.
“Well, duh,” Sammie sighed, rolling her eyes. “So what's new about that?”
“Stay away from them,” Luke grunted.
“Roger that,” Sammie nodded and headed for the stairs.
“What's that all about?” Lorelai frowned, sitting next to Luke.
“Let me update you on our truly frightening children,” Luke sighed. “You may want to sit somewhere else for this.”
“Why?” Lorelai asked, laughing.
“Trust me,” Luke assured her. “You're not going to like where you're sitting in a minute.”
Chapter 52: Just A Gigolo
“What in the holy heck did you do?” Grace hissed, poking her head into Xander's bedroom.
“Why?” Xander grumbled, tossing a dirty sock at Grace and throwing his pillow over his head as he lay sprawled on his bed.
Grace shut the door quietly behind her and walked over to Xander's bed, sitting down on the foot of it. “Because Dad has the brain vein popping out,” Grace explained. “And he kept calling you a gigolo.”
“A gigolo?” Xander snorted from under the pillow. “Geez.”
“Come on, what happened?” Grace asked, curiosity getting the best of her. She shook Xander's leg. “Tell me, tell me, tell me.”
Xander pulled the pillow off of his face and crammed it behind his head. “Dad busted me and Katie messing around on the couch,” he groaned.
“Katie who?” Grace frowned. “Oh. Ew. Not cheerleading Katie?”
“Great, she's gross to you?” Xander asked. “Thanks for the rave reviews about my girlfriend.”
“I'm grossed out by the fact that you were feeling up someone on my squad,” Grace clarified. “She's your girlfriend? How did that get past me?”
“Because I'm sneaky like that,” Xander grinned. “And it's none of your stinking business.”
Xander and Grace looked up as Luke's agitated voice drifting under the door from the area of the living room. Grace cringed as Lorelai's muffled voice rose to meet Luke's. “Geez, they're both in full tilt rant mode,” she noted cheerfully. “And it's not about me for a change. Yay for me, but you're totally dead meat,” she grinned.
“Yeah, so what the hell is your deal, anyway?” Xander asked angrily. “Why is it you get a boyfriend, and they fling a pack of birth control pills at you, but I get a girlfriend, and all hell breaks loose?”
“Because I'm not dumb, like you, dummy,” Grace shot back. “I didn't get busted rolling around with Dave on the couch. And how the heck did you even find out about that?”
“You're the one who staked out all the good eavesdropping stations,” Xander shrugged. “Figure it out.”
“Nosy,” Grace grouched. “Well, just for the record, the only preventing those pills are doing is related to my complexion,” she added sulkily.
“Yeah, right,” Xander snickered, shoving Grace in the arm with his foot.
“I'm not doing anything with Dave,” Grace frowned, smacking at Xander's foot. “Seriously, okay?”
“Well, why not?” Xander asked, exasperated. “You've got the golden ticket.”
“I don't know,” Grace shrugged. “I don't think it's right yet. Too much on my plate. I'd probably have a mental breakdown if I added anything else to the heap right now.”
“You're such a goody-goody,” Xander moaned, kicking at Grace again. “You just love making the rest of us look bad.”
Grace grabbed Xander's foot and twisted it. “Not a goody-goody,” she muttered as Xander flopped onto his stomach, rolling with Grace's defensive maneuver to alleviate the pain.
“Ow,” he growled. “Quit it already.”
“Quit kicking then, dummy,” Grace scowled, releasing his foot. “So, have you?”
“Have I what?” Xander asked.
“You know,” Grace sighed. “It.”
Xander narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Yeah, like I'd tell you anything. Blabbermouth.”
“I'm not going to rat you out, either way. I promise,” Grace pleaded. She sighed as Xander cocked an eyebrow at her warily. “I won't,” she swore, raising her hand to her mouth. “Spit swear, okay?”
“This was disgusting even when I was five,” Xander muttered, spitting lightly into his palm and taking Grace's hand into his own. “Spit swear,” he relented as they shook hands.
“Blegh,” Grace shuddered, contorting her face as she wiped her hand on her jeans. “Okay, now that the grossness has been taken care of, spill. Have you?”
“Not yet,” Xander answered honestly. “Close but no cigar. And you seriously haven't either?”
“Nope,” Grace replied. “You shouldn't either, though,” she sighed, flopping back onto Xander's bed, her legs dangling over the edge.
“Why not?” Xander scowled.
“Hey, you got the same speech that I got,” Grace reminded him. “It's a big hassle, when you think about it. Do you even love Katie?”
“I don't know,” Xander replied, repositioning himself onto his side to face Grace. “We haven't been dating that long. I like her, but I don't...you know, love her yet.”
Grace laughed. “Man, you always did do things back asswards. You should at least love the person before you think about doing it with them.”
“I think it's really dumb that we keep calling it 'it',” Xander chortled. “And you're just a big sap.”
“Maybe I am a sap,” Grace shrugged. “Not such a bad thing, is it? And maybe Pop has a point. If we can't say it, we shouldn't be doing it.”
“Sex,” Xander said, trying not to crack a smile.
“Sex,” Grace parroted, her face turning a bright red. “Oh my god, I so can't say it out loud,” she gasped, giggling and hiding her face.
Xander snorted, unable to contain his laughter. “You're an idiot.”
“You are, too,” Grace laughed. “You're all purple, Barney.”
“Shut up,” Xander moaned, ducking his head. “This conversation is really disturbing me.”
“Anyway,” Grace sighed, her laughter dying down. “So what's so bad about thinking you should love the person? At least I know Dave loves me. He puts up with a heck of a lot of crap because of me, and he's really patient. And understanding. And other sappy stuff. So, when it does happen, you know...someday...it'll be special. Important,” she explained. “I don't want to just get doinked on a couch. I'll betcha Katie doesn't want to either.”
“Real poetic,” Xander laughed. “Get doinked.”
“I'm serious,” Grace frowned. “Take it from one of the girls who have to survive the halls of Stars Hollow High. It's a real pain to have all the guys staring at your chest, or your skirt, or trying to “bump into you”,” Grace continued, using air quotes. “Guys like that are a dime a dozen. They're all roaming around, just trying to get some touch. It's annoying, it's creepy, and it sucks having to figure out which guy really likes you, and which guy just wants to get some. Don't be one of those guys. They're...not nice,” Grace said glumly.
“I'm nice,” Xander argued.
“Just don't be a player,” Grace scolded. “You have a good enough rep, you don't need to be like that. You don't have to act like a scumbag because the others are acting like it. Dave isn't scuzzy, and he still has cred,” Grace pointed out.
“Geez, my sister the peer pressure police,” Xander groaned. “Dave may not be a scumbag, but he's the most frustrated guy in school. He practically vibrates, he's so pent up.”
“Oh, shut up,” Grace sighed, flicking Xander in the forehead. “I swear, you're such a dork. I'm in no rush, though. You don't need to be in any rush either.”
“I will take your words to heart,” Xander said solemnly. “Because you're my sister. And I love you. And I know you only want the best for me.” Xander stared at Grace seriously.
Grace stared back at Xander. “I only want my brother to be happy. I want...oh hell, I can't keep a straight face,” she giggled. “You're a moron. Do whatever you want.”
“You believed me for a second, didn't you?” Xander asked. “I love you, Gracie, you're my best friend in the whole world. Let's skip. And play hopscotch. And make daisy chains, and braid each other's hair, and tell secrets, and have tea parties.”
“Trust me, if I ever believed that crud, they'd need to take me in for medical testing,” Grace snorted. “Those words couldn't possibly come out of your mouth without something smart alecky behind them.”
The bedroom door opened. Grace and Xander looked up to see Luke hovering in the doorway, arms folded over his chest, and glowering at the pair.
“Skedaddle,” Luke grunted at Grace, pumping his thumb back over his shoulder. “He's in solitary. No visitors allowed.
“Hope you have an emergency cyanide pill,”Grace whispered gleefully. “You're going to need it.” She slunk past Luke and turned around, raising a fist into the air. “Attica!” she squealed, fleeing as Luke spun around and swatted wildly at her retreating form.
“See?” Luke grumbled, walking into the bedroom. “Girls are morons. Too much work.”
“Time for round two?” Xander asked miserably, sitting up on the edge of the bed.
“Almost,” Luke nodded. “Your mother is refueling with some coffee. Brace yourself.”
“I really am sorry,” Xander sighed. “I didn't mean for it to go that far, honest.”
Luke exhaled slowly, sitting down next to Xander. “It has been pointed out to me that I need to approach this...situation...a little more delicately than I've been doing,” Luke muttered.
“A little less yelling might be good,” Xander shrugged.
Luke sighed. “I'm not holding you to a different set of standards than I hold Grace to,” he began. “I'm sure you think we babied her, or caved with her. We didn't. Her relationship is a very serious concern for us, and this thing that happened tonight, is just as...concerning for us.”
“I know,” Xander mumbled.
“Maybe I'm too hard on you,” Luke said softly. “Am I? Do I push you too hard?”
“I don't think so,” Xander frowned. “What do you mean?”
Luke shrugged. “It's just...you know...I guess I fall back on how my Dad acted around me, you know, barking out orders, growling about stuff, being a grump. But I knew he really wasn't that way, he just was...a guy. Guys just don't know how to be anything else around other guys. And I never act the right way around the girls. And I know you think Grace has some kind of inside line that you don't have. But it's not true. You've got an inside line all of your own.”
“What's that?” Xander asked suspiciously.
“You're my son,” Luke replied. “You're my first boy. I didn't get to have that sense of starting a family with April. I missed out. In a big way. I love her, and I know she loves me, but we're never going to have that total 'thing' you get with the kids you raise from birth. There's always going to be this...I don't know...divide, maybe, between us. Grace was the first baby. That's a hell of a thing. I looked at her that first time, and I thought, 'Jesus, look what I missed.' And that made me cling to the kid. I admit that. But you,” Luke grinned. “Christ, you're my first son. And that's a huge thing to me. Maybe I don't show it well, but hell, kid, you've got quite the power position just because of that.”
“Cool,” Xander grinned. “Does that mean I'm not grounded?”
“No,” Luke scoffed. “That means you are in deep dog doo-doo because I hold you in such high regard.”
Lorelai stomped into the bedroom, pointing her finger at Xander. “You are so going on the pill,” she said tersely.
“Uh, I don't think I can,” Xander cringed.
Lorelai narrowed her eyes at Xander. “My couch? My couch? You were...and then...on my couch?” she choked out.
“We covered that already,” Luke said softly. “In the first volley, remember?”
“Oh, we're going to cover it again,” Lorelai spat. “Why would you do that? Why would you treat that...the...the sex thing...so cavalierly?”
“I wasn't,” Xander sighed. “I can't say that anymore. It's old news.”
“You owe that girl an apology,” Lorelai whispered. “She must feel so humiliated.”
“Probably,” Xander agreed remorsefully. “Can I at least call her tonight? Apologize?”
“Ten minutes,” Lorelai scowled, leaning against the wall with her arms folded over her chest. “It's too soon, kid. Too soon for you to go down this path.”
“I know,” Xander nodded sorrowfully. “I'm not going to do it again.”
Luke looked at Xander. “Give us something more realistic to work with.”
Xander groaned and ran his fingers through his hair. “It was too much.”
“Yeah?” Lorelai asked warily.
“I don't love her,” Xander shrugged. “At least, I don't know what I feel right now.”
“Okay,” Luke nodded. “And what does that leave you with?”
“I guess I should know that before I think about doing anything...like that,” Xander murmured. “I kinda pressured her, I didn't mean to, but I think I did. That's not really cool.”
“You'd better believe that isn't cool,” Lorelai scolded. “You treat your girlfriend with respect. You respect her wishes, you respect her comfort zone, you respect her needs, and you listen to her. You don't put your overactive hormones over what she's ready for.”
“I know,” Xander moaned. “God, I'm such an idiot.”
“No,” Luke sighed. “You're just a teenager. Welcome to hell.”
“Think about it, Xan,” Lorelai pressed. “What did she want tonight?”
“I don't know,” Xander replied softly.
“But you know what you wanted,” Lorelai continued.
“Yeah,” Xander nodded. “More than just a little aware of that.”
“Never put her into that position again. Ever,” Lorelai said firmly. “You have no right to do that.”
“This isn't the kind of thing you make a snap decision over,” Luke lectured. “It needs to be talked about, thought out, you need to think about how your actions affect everyone else.”
“Especially your mother,” Lorelai snarked. “Think about your poor mother when you're thinking about taking this kind of step.”
“That's a little creepy,” Xander frowned.
“Good,” Lorelai nodded. “Creepy is good. Kills the mood.”
Luke sighed and shook his head. “Okay, I think we've had enough excitement for one evening. You go call your girl and tell her what she deserves to hear. Then get to bed, got it?”
“Okay,” Xander said. “I'm sorry.”
“Ten minutes,” Lorelai scowled. “And make sure she's aware of the fact that you are grounded until you're thirty.”
“Give or take a few weeks,” Luke laughed dryly, pushing Lorelai toward the door. “We will talk more about this, kid.”
“I know,” Xander sighed as he slumped to the living room and grabbed the phone.
“Grovel,” Lorelai added, pointing her finger at Xander as Luke guided her toward the stairs.
“Bed time,” Luke said pointedly to Lorelai. “Night, kid.”
“Night,” Xander replied.
“Don't think you're out of the woods yet, kid,” Lorelai shot over her shoulder as she climbed the stairs at Luke's urging.
“Go,” Luke hissed, pushing Lorelai up the stairs.
“Stop it,” she muttered as they made their way to the bedroom.
“You stop,” Luke growled. “You're lecturing him in circles now.”
“He should be lectured in circles,” Lorelai pouted, opening her dresser drawer and pulling out her pajamas. “And he should be lectured daily. He shouldn't be doing this. He's too young.”
“Look at you,” Luke grinned as he sat down on the bed and toed his shoes off. “You were all logical and rational when it was Grace, but now that your boy is going down the same path, you're hysterical.”
“He's too young,” Lorelai retorted stubbornly.
“They both are,” Luke sighed. “But they may actually listen. Grace seems to have taken our talks to heart, thank god. Maybe he will too.”
“Lightning never strikes twice,” Lorelai sighed, pulling her pajamas bottoms on. “When did we get a houseful of raging hormones?”
Luke groaned and sank onto his back, arms spread open. “The real question is when did our kids start getting more action than we do?”
Lorelai laughed. “Oh, knock it off. You get lucky at least once a week. Ask around. I'm sure you're the only Stars Hollow resident in our age bracket getting as much nookie as you get.”
“Remind me,” Luke grinned at Lorelai.
“I don't know if I could get into it ten minutes after I've forbidden my teenage son from doing it,” Lorelai giggled.
“What son?” Luke asked. “I don't know what you're talking about. You should just come over here and make your grumpy old husband a little less grumpy.”
“Dirty old man,” Lorelai smiled, flopping next to Luke.
“Dirty old lady,” Luke shot back, rolling onto his side and pulling Lorelai closer. “Dirty old lady with a killer pair of...”
“Luke,” Lorelai giggled. “I swear, if you say 'boobies' I'm going to divorce you.”
“Boobies,” Luke whispered, rolling on top of Lorelai. “Boobies. And did I mention boobies?”
“We're so mature,” Lorelai laughed as Luke nibbled at her neck. “Are you going to touch my badonkadonk after you touch my boobies?”
Luke chuckled softly against Lorelai's neck. “There are many things I want to touch,” he rasped, teasing her throat with the tip of his tongue. “Which should I start with?”
Lorelai wrapped her arms around Luke's shoulders. “Oh, you can start anywhere you'd like,” she sighed softly. “How about some sugar, sweet thang?”
Luke raised his head and covered Lorelai's mouth with his own. “I'll give you some sugar,” he growled as he drew her lower lip into his mouth. Lorelai moaned softly as Luke deepened the kiss, his tongue seductively teasing her own.
“Geez,” she whispered as they broke for air. “You still really know how to curl my toes, you know that?”
“I have skills,” Luke grinned. “Want a refresher course on...”
The bedroom door swung open as Drew stomped into the room. “Mom, I need to get a....aw, geez!” he yelped, stumbling backwards and covering his eyes with his hand. “Not again!”
Luke burst out laughing as he rolled onto his back and Lorelai sat up, adjusting her rumpled pajama top. “You really need to learn how to knock,” she hissed at Drew. “One of these days you're really gonna regret it.”
“Trust me, I regret it,” Drew moaned, keeping his eyes covered. “I need you to look at my science project. I need something.”
“What?” Luke groaned as Lorelai stood up. “You're supposed to be in bed.”
“Just come on, Mom,” Drew sighed. “I'm missing something. Stop being gross and help me, please?”
Lorelai swatted Drew playfully. “You can uncover your eyes, you goof. You know, most parents fight. Some day you're going to appreciate the fact that your parents actually like each other.”
“I doubt it,” Drew shuddered, walking out of the bedroom. “I think I need a shrink.”
“Bye,” Luke said sadly.
“Duty calls,” Lorelai frowned. “Hold that thought, okay?” she pleaded as she followed Drew down the hall.
Luke threw his pillow over his face. “We so need a vacation,” he sighed to himself.
Chapter 53: Like Father, Like Daughter
“Why is Xan always on the bench?” Sammie asked, trying to alleviate her boredom by sticking her foot in Drew's face.
“Because he sucks,” Drew cackled, punching Sammie in the ball of her foot.
“Ow,” Sammie pouted, rubbing her foot before shoving it back into her shoe.
“He doesn't suck,” Dave sighed, lounging back on the risers. “He's just saving the mojo for the pitching mound.”
“Then why does he even bother with basketball?” Sam asked in exasperation. “I don't know anybody else on the team. This is worthless if he's just sitting on his butt.”
“Didn't know you were so big into Xander's sports career,” Dave snorted. “Guess he's just padding the resume.”
“She doesn't give a rat's patootie about seeing Xander play,” Drew groaned. “She just figured out that if she attacks Dad with Xan stats first, she can weasel a good diner shift out of him.”
“Why do you want to weasel shifts at the diner?” Dave asked. “Nobody else ever wants to work. Mr. D. usually has to drag Grace kicking and screaming all the way to work.”
“Tips, duh,” Sammie replied, rolling her eyes. “My allowance doesn't hack it. Need more money. And Dad keeps moaning about child labor laws and only lets me work once a week.”
“It is all about the benjamins,” Dave agreed, nodding at Grace as she took the floor with the cheerleading squad for their halftime rally.
“Sam's trying to suck up to the raa-raa girls, too,” Drew murmured. “She wants to be an airhead when she gets to high school.”
“I hope they put the jumps in tonight,” Sammie said, settling back to watch the girls on the court.
“No way,” Dave laughed. “Nobody can do them right yet. They'll break somebody's neck.”
“Grace said they were gonna try something,” Drew pointed out.
“Nah,” Dave argued. “They're not ready yet.”
“Don't tell them that,” Sammie giggled, pointing as the squad moved into their formations.
“No way,” Dave groaned as two groups of girls each pushed a cheerleader over their heads and launched her into the air. He grimaced as the girls fell into the arms of the girls below without incident.
“Cool,” Sammie grinned, enraptured by the complex routine the girls were executing.
“At least they have to have paramedics at all the games,” Drew laughed, watching Dave contort nervously with each complicated maneuver the girls pulled off.
“Shut up,” Dave muttered, flicking Drew in the ear. Dave sat up straight as the girls moved into another formation, and Grace and two other girls were hoisted up, balancing on one foot as they waved their pom poms over their heads. “Aw crap,” he gasped. “She isn't crazy enough to try that stupid...”
“Guess so,” Drew chortled as Grace was launched into the air, touching her fingers to her toes before falling back into the waiting arms of her spotters. The spectators cheered loudly, not noticing that the routine had come to a screeching halt.
Dave sprang to his feet. “Damn it,” he growled. “Did those morons drop somebody?”
“I don't know,” Sammie murmured, standing up. One of the cheerleaders motioned for the coach, and both team coaches trotted out to the floor. Dave sprinted out onto the floor behind them, pushing through the group of cheerleaders.
“Crap,” he moaned, dropping to his knees next to Grace, who was laying on her back, staring up at the ceiling with a stunned expression on her face. “You okay, Gracie?”
“Ow,” Grace whispered. “That didn't go according to plan at all.”
“Yeah,” Dave replied shakily. “You left a crater on the court.”
“Thanks,” Grace muttered, trying to sit up.
“No way, Blondie,” Dave said sharply, trying to hold Grace down. “Stay still.”
“Why?” Grace frowned.
“Because you totally bitched up your leg,” he sighed. “Are you in a lot of pain?”
“Uh, no,” Grace replied, her frown deepening as she pushed herself up on her elbows. She yelped loudly as she moved her left leg slightly. “Oh my god,” she gasped. “Okay, now it hurts.”
“Just stay still,” Dave admonished as the paramedic Drew referred to earlier pushed through the crowd and began to check Grace's injury.
Sammie and Xander wriggled through and stood behind Dave, gaping at Grace. “Oh man,” Xander whispered, staring at Grace's leg. “That's a pain that's gonna linger.”
“Aw, Gracie,” Sammie said sadly, squatting next to Dave. “Did you break your neck?”
“No, you doof,” Grace groaned. “I just twisted my ankle or something again.”
“Uh, no, you didn't,” Xander sighed, wincing as he glanced at Grace's swelling knee. “Is she gonna have to go to the hospital?” he asked the paramedic.
“Yeah,” the man replied, gently inspecting Grace. The minute he put his hand on Grace's knee, she screeched in pain. “I think she may have busted up her knee pretty good, here, she's going to need x-rays to see what kind of damage we've got.”
Grace started to cry. “Busted?” she wept. “How busted?”
“We'll find out, I guess,” Dave whispered, smoothing Grace's hair. “Guess we're getting an ambulance ride tonight.”
Xander spun around, facing the rubber-necking crowd. “Drew!” he called.
“What?” Drew yelped from somewhere in the mass of hovering gapers.
“Go get the parents, Grace boogered up her leg real good. I'll call as soon as I know which hospital she's going to,” Xander yelled.
“Okay!” Drew hollered, and ran to retrieve Luke.
ooo
“Okay, where is she?” Lorelai barked at Xander, stomping into the emergency room ahead of Luke and Drew.
“Getting the leg zapped,” Xander replied. “The nurse said they'll let us know when she either gets back down here, or if she has to stay.”
“How bad?” Luke frowned.
“Pretty bad,” Dave said nervously. “It's all swollen up and...it just looked really awful.”
“Damn kids,” Luke growled, pacing the floor. “Why in the hell do they let them pull stunts like that? Throwing themselves around on a freaking wooden basketball court. That makes sense. She could have broken her damn back. Or worse.”
Lorelai sat down in a chair. “She's going to have a fit over this, isn't she?” she sighed.
“Grace Danes, worst patient in all of modern history,” Luke agreed, sitting beside Lorelai.
“It looked really icky,” Sammie chimed in. “I'll bet she broke something.”
“Don't sound so torn up over it,” Dave frowned.
“I'm just saying,” Sammie sighed. “Didn't mean I thought it was a 'yippee' kind of thing.”
“Oh, it's so close to Rory and Jess's wedding,” Lorelai gasped. “She's going to be so upset if she's going to be on crutches for that.”
“I think she's going to be having more Julliard-inspired hissy fits at this point,” Luke sighed.
“She just got the audition set up, too,” Lorelai moaned. “Rotten, rotten luck. Poor Gracie.”
Luke scowled at the floor. “Glad to see the standard Danes family bad luck is still alive and kicking.”
“It probably isn't going to be so bad,” Lorelai replied, trying to sound convincing. “So she hurt her knee? A few weeks of healing, a few more weeks of getting back on track. It'll be okay.”
Luke looked at Lorelai warily. “I hope so,” he nodded. “I really do.”
“Family of Grace Danes?” a nurse with a clipboard called out.
Luke and Lorelai stood up. “We'll update you guys as soon as we find out the story,” Lorelai smiled. “Be good, Mike and Ike,” she warned the twins before following Luke and the nurse through the emergency room doors.
Luke and Lorelai were introduced to a specialist who detailed Grace's injuries. They were soon desperately trying to understand the jargon that was being hurled at them left and right. Luke stared at Lorelai as the specialist droned on about surgery. “He has to operate?” Luke hissed.
“Yes,” the doctor interjected. “Her injury to her knee is pretty catastrophic. She doesn't really know how she landed, but from what we can see, her knee absorbed most of the impact.”
“So you're giving her an artificial knee,” Luke sighed miserably.
“Oh boy,” Lorelai groaned. “But, how is this going to affect everything?”
“Everything?” the doctor queried. “She'll be able to live a normal life. The recovery time will be long, but ultimately, she will be able to walk, and do any low impact activity she enjoyed before the injury.”
“Low impact,” Luke repeated. “She's supposed to audition for Juilliard. She's a dancer. That's what she does. She dances. How far back is this operation going to set her?”
“I could tell she was a dancer,” the specialist smiled patiently.
“How?” Lorelai frowned. “Was she screaming about her dancing the entire time? Because I can really see that happening. The girl is not good with this kind of stuff.”
“Her toes,” the doctor shrugged. “Your daughter has feet that betray her interests. I'm quite the expert at spotting a dancer the minute they take off their shoes.”
“They are ugly feet,” Luke laughed dryly.
“Stop it,” Lorelai sighed. “So, how long until we get her dancing again?”
“Mr. And Mrs. Danes,” the doctor sighed. “She isn't going to Juilliard, not for dance. I suspect you would rather have the blunt truth presented to you both, rather than false hope. She will be able to waltz at her own wedding someday, but this injury is a career ender. This is a worst case scenario. That is just the simple truth. The surgery is necessary to repair the damage, but the end results are not capable of supporting the range of motion a dancer needs. The damage is just too severe. The end results only guarantee that she can walk on that knee. She will have a normal life, but not the life of a professional dancer.”
“Christ,” Luke groaned, rubbing his eyes. “Well, that's not going to sit well with her.”
“Does she know?” Lorelai asked quietly.
“She's a bright girl, I'm sure she's aware that surgery isn't good news,” the specialist replied. “I could explain the gravity of the situation to her, if you think that may be easier on her.”
“No,” Luke replied. “It should come from us, I guess. You set up the surgery, and we'll brace her for it.”
ooo
“Hey, kiddo,” Lorelai smiled as she and Luke walked into Grace's room. Grace lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling and nervously coiling and uncoiling a golden lock of hair around her finger. “G?” Lorelai said, waving her hand in front of Grace's face. “Earth to Gracie, come in Gracie,” she sighed.
“Hey,” Grace blinked, looking at Lorelai and Luke. “Sorry, zoned out. Pain medication. Good for that kind of thing.”
“How you feeling, monkey?” Luke frowned, trying not to look too closely at Grace's injured leg.
“Peachy,” Grace sighed. “So how soon until they give me the bionic knee?”
“Pretty durn quick,” Lorelai replied, planting a kiss on Grace's forehead. “We want to get you back on your feet as soon as we can.”
“Yeah, can't have a bridesmaid on wheels,” Grace smiled thinly.
“We'll work around it,” Lorelai said cheerfully. “Rory hasn't gone bridezilla on us, so I doubt she'll meltdown at cast potential.”
“Probably ought to tell the kids that she's going to lay down roots here for a while,” Luke interrupted. “Dave is probably going through Grace withdrawal.”
“Oh,” Lorelai nodded. “Can't let that happen. They may admit him, too, if he starts seizing. I'll go gather the troops for a quick hello before you settle in for the night.”
Luke waited until Lorelai left to retrieve the kids before he spoke. “So, monkey, what are you thinking?”
“Nothing,” Grace shrugged. “Just pretty much at the 'ow' stage still.”
“I'm sure,” Luke nodded. “That had to pack one hell of a wallop there.”
“You're telling me,” Grace grinned. “The 'thud' heard 'round the world.”
Luke smiled. “I know everybody says you're just like me, but damn, kid, you don't have to copy me, right down to dud legs.”
Grace giggled. “I figure I'm never going to get the unshaven look down, and baseball caps aren't really my thing. Might as well shoot for something more realistic. Now we can have matching canes.”
Luke raised an eyebrow at Grace. “Somehow, I see Hello Kitty walking aids in your future.”
“Maybe I can get Mom to dress up my walker,” Grace cackled. “Sparkles and feathers, and maybe some...”
“Gracie,” Luke sighed.
“What?” Grace frowned.
“You're a lousy actress,” Luke murmured, stroking Grace's hair.
“I don't know what you mean,” Grace replied snippily.
“You know where this leads,” Luke replied.
“Guess I'd better apply for the full time waitress position now,” Grace muttered. “You have any openings? Looks like I'm not going to be Miss Patty's crowning achievement after all.”
“I think you'll come up with a contingency plan that's a little better than waitressing for your old man,” Luke retorted.
“I don't know anything else,” Grace wailed, bursting into tears. “This was it. It was the only thing I wanted.”
“Hey,” Luke frowned, grabbing Grace's hand. “You're smart, you've got options. And a college fund, unlike me, when I was your age. You're not completely like me, you know. I only had one thing going for me when I was in this boat. My cleats were the only way I was going anywhere, and I bunged that up real good, didn't I? You aren't in that situation, not at all. You're just as much your mother's daughter as you are mine. And that woman is nothing if not resilient. There's hope for you yet, kid. We'll find a new road for you. You'll see.”
Grace wiped her cheeks and stared at Luke thoughtfully-. “Yeah,” she whispered. “New road. We can do that.”
Luke narrowed his eyes at Grace. “Already formulating a plan, aren't you?”
Grace smiled shakily. “Maybe. I'll let you know if it pans out.”
“That's my little overachiever,” Luke grinned, kissing Grace's hand as Lorelai and the rest of the group crowded into the room.
“We made a pit stop at the snack bar,” Lorelai smiled. “Want some contraband, Gracie-kins?”
“Got any Fritos?” Grace sighed. “I really need comfort carbs.”
Lorelai handed Grace a bag of Fritos as the kids swarmed around Grace, oohing and aahing over her injury.
Luke wandered over to Lorelai's side. “She's already pretty clear on the situation,” Luke sighed.
“How bad is she taking it?” Lorelai whispered.
“She's pretty miserable, but I think she'll survive,” Luke nodded. “Contingency plans are already being plotted.”
“It pays to be so Type A sometimes,” Lorelai smiled. “She'll find her way, right?”
“Yeah,” Luke agreed. “She's a smart kid. She'll figure this out.” Luke watched as Dave fretted over Grace, and the rest of the Danes children tried furiously to cheer their sister up. “She definitely has herself quite the support system,” Luke smiled.
Lorelai threw her arms around Luke's neck. “Thanks for giving me such nice babies,” she said softly. “They fight like cats and dogs, but when the chips are down, those kids know how to rally.”
“They're good kids,” Luke grinned, kissing Lorelai gently on the forehead. “Family takes care of family. At least we managed to beat that into their thick skulls.”
“Now if we could only beat some other things into those thick skulls,” Lorelai giggled, turning to face the kids.
“Like what?” Luke asked, wrapping his arms around Lorelai's waist and resting his chin on her shoulder.
Lorelai smiled. “Um, like cleaning their rooms, like not stuffing their dirty socks behind the couch cushions, learn to cook something more substantial than Hot Pockets. That kind of stuff.”
“Pipe dreams,” Luke grinned. “We can barely keep them on their feet. Just look at that poor kid. She's smart, but not so smart that she doesn't think that maybe getting hurled into the air by a bunch of goofball girls might not be such a great idea.”
“Everybody has their faults,” Lorelai nodded.
“She'll be okay, right?” Luke frowned. “She's not that much like me. She isn't going to get stuck in a rut for twenty years. Right?”
“You own your own business, you're married to the most beautiful woman in town, maybe even on the east coast, you have six awesome kids, and you're going to a grandfather soon. Or a great-uncle. We really have to figure that one out, once and for all. But that's beside the point. What I mean to say is, were you ever really in a rut?” Lorelai asked.
“Nah,” Luke grinned. “I spent half that rut just waiting for that hot lady to finally stop acting like a psychotic serial dater and figure out where she belonged.”
“She figured it out eventually,” Lorelai smiled. “It all worked out for the best.”
“Yep,” Luke agreed. “It really did.”
“Hey,” Lorelai gasped. “I just thought of something. You realize that Grace is going to be out of commission for quite a while now.”
“Yeah?” Luke frowned. “And your point?”
“My point is, no potential for Dave needing to die, if you know what I'm getting at,” Lorelai whispered.
“Hey,” Luke grinned. “You're right. There is a silver lining here after all. I'm glad I married such a 'glass half full' kind of woman.”
“Now you can focus more on keeping Xander off the couch,” Lorelai giggled.
Luke nodded. “Yep. Keeping Xander a virgin. That's my new vocation in life until Gracie gets mobile again.”
“Poor Xander,” Lorelai laughed.
Chapter 54: Wedding Bell Blues
Rory stood in front of the mirror, nervously playing with the delicate wreath of flowers sitting atop her head. “What do you think?” she muttered, standing sideways and frowning at her rounded belly. “Too 'shotgun wedding' looking?”
“You look gorgeous,” Lorelai smiled, hugging Rory tightly. “Can't believe this day is finally here.” The girls were crowded into Lorelai's office at the inn, using it as a makeshift changing room to accommodate the fact that Grace and stairs were not exactly friends at this point. The men were upstairs in an unoccupied room, preparing themselves for the wedding. Rory and Jess had decided on marrying on the lawn of the inn, and most of Stars Hollow had turned out for the event.
“Pretty,” Sammie smiled. “Only sort of fat looking.”
“Thanks a lot, you twerp,” Rory scowled.
“You look fine,” April murmured, playing with her bouquet. “You have that whole earth mother thing going on. Very retro.”
“It'll contrast nicely with my not exactly walking wounded look,” Grace complained, scowling at the wheelchair she was sitting in. Lorelai and Sammie had decided to add a festive touch to the wheelchair by threading daisy chains and ribbons through the spokes of the wheels. Grace was able to hobble around on crutches, but only at short intervals so far. Luke and Lorelai had both finally convinced Grace that the best way for her to get through the long day ahead was to stay in the wheelchair, avoiding any overexertion.
“Hey, you have transportation provided for the day, it's fine,” Lorelai sighed, fussing with Grace's hair. “I'm sure you'd rather avoid another surgery, right?” Lorelai frowned down at her daughter, feeling a wave of sympathy for the girl. Grace was doing her best not to dwell on her painful recovery, but in recent days, her patience had been wearing thin, and she was having difficulty keeping her own spirits up. Her inability to participate much with the wedding preparations only added to her foul mood.
“Hey, why not just go for it,” Grace fretted. “I mean, I enjoy missing out on all the big moments because of this stupid knee. Hey, who needs to go to their graduation, anyway? Overrated. I should just go home, pop a Vicodin, and sleep through the wedding. That way nobody has to worry about me running over their toes or anything like that.”
“Aw, Gracie,” Rory moaned, bending down to hug her younger sister. “I'm so sorry you got ripped off. You didn't get your cap and gown moment. It sucks. It really does. But if you scowl your way through my wedding pictures, I'm going to disown you, okay?”
Grace laughed out loud in surprise. “Yeah, you didn't turn into bridezilla at all. I'm sorry. I'm such a bitch lately. I'll behave I promise, just let me vent my rage and get it over with.”
“Vent away,” Rory grinned. “Then suck it up. I need all my bridesmaids to be peppy and bright. That way nobody's eyes linger too long on my massive gut.”
“You look pretty,” Grace sighed. “You really do. All glow and no water retention, I swear it.”
“Thanks,” Rory laughed. “Oh my god, I'm getting married,” she gasped happily. “I hope I don't go into labor in the middle of our vows. That would be awkward, to say the least.”
“But funny,” Sammie grinned. “You should fake a contraction, just to see if Jess is paying attention.”
“Mean,” Lorelai gasped. “But a tempting idea.”
“Where is Grandma?” Rory asked. “It's almost show time.”
Lorelai looked at Grace. “What?” Grace asked.
Lorelai shrugged. “Well, you two have been joined at the hip for the last couple of weeks, I figured you knew where she was.”
“Well, I don't,” Grace sighed.
“She was harassing the inn staff, last I checked,” April said. “Sookie had to chase her out of the kitchen twice.”
“Why are you two so buddy buddy lately?” Sammie asked.
“Just trying to figure out what I'm doing with, you know, life,” Grace shrugged. “Grammy doesn't pull any punches, so she's a help, okay?”
“Okay,” Sammie scowled. “Simple question. Geez.”
“Sorry,” Grace muttered. “I don't really try to go into head-biting mode. I'm just going to shut up now.”
“Thank god,” Sammie crowed.
Emily walked into the Lorelai's office. “I think we're about to start,” she smiled. “The boys are already taking their positions.”
“Oh boy,” Rory sighed nervously. “This is it then.”
Dave poked his head into the open door. “Hey, we're getting ready out here,” he confirmed. “You ready to get rolling, Gracie?”
“Guess so,” Grace scowled. “Game face on. I'm happy to be gimpy. Whee!” she laughed dryly.
“Cutest chick on wheels I ever saw,” Dave said shyly, ducking in for a quick kiss.
“Aw,” Rory smiled. “He's such a keeper, Gracie.”
“Yeah,” Grace smiled softly as Dave angled her through the door. “I'll keep him for a little while longer,” she added as they disappeared around the corner.
“He's a nice boy,” Emily nodded approvingly. “Very attentive, isn't he?”
“Yeah,” Lorelai grinned. “I think even Luke likes him now. Okay, everybody out. Except Rory. Shoo,” she smiled, pointing at the door. “I get a few minutes alone with my first born before she gets hitched.”
Lorelai waited for the girls to head to the foyer. She turned around and smiled shakily at Rory. “Ready?” she asked softly.
“Yes. No. I think so,” Rory grinned. “Are you?”
“I don't know,” Lorelai laughed, trying to fight the urge to tear up. “You're still my little girl, damn it. I never completely recovered from you setting out on your own. Now I have to watch my mother give you away. To Jess, no less. A little hard to get used to. Almost as hard as seeing you pregnant. My baby's pregnant. Oh my god,” Lorelai whispered.
“Oh, Mom,” Rory sighed as Lorelai wrapped her arms around her. “I love you.”
“Love you, too, Sweets,” Lorelai smiled, pulling back to wipe away a tear. “Now let's get you married off, already.”
Rory grabbed her bouquet and a small book of poetry. “Grandpa's,” she sighed. “Need Grandpa here today.”
“He is,” Lorelai nodded sadly. “He'll be right there beside you, I'm sure of it.”
Rory nodded, brushing away her own tears. “Okay, let's do this,” she said shakily as they made their way to the foyer.
Luke was standing near the doorway, waiting for the pair. “Hey,” he smiled at Rory. “Look at you. You're absolutely beautiful, know that?” Luke kissed Rory's cheek. “If he gets out of line, smack him upside the head. Or call me, I'll come kick his ass,” Luke scowled. “I mean it, just say the word, and I'll be on your doorstep with my baseball bat.”
“I appreciate it, Luke,” Rory giggled. “But I think I've got him well-trained this time around.”
“Good,” Luke grunted. He smiled shyly at Rory. “I love you, kid. I'd say break a leg, but there's been enough leg injuries in this family to last a lifetime.”
“I love you, too, Luke,” Rory grinned, hugging him close. “You're the best dad a girl could ask for,” she whispered into his ear. “ And a father that you never really had to be. Thank you for that. For everything. The birthday parties, the monogrammed towels, the unicorns, all of it. You were always there for me, just because. It always meant a lot to me to see you there all the time, when...well, you know...”she trailed off, not wanting to disparage Christopher.
Luke shrugged, blushing a little. “You were a great kid,” he smiled. “Kind of hard not to like you, you know. Now, if you had the jam hands thing happening, I may have reconsidered.”
“Oh shut up,” Rory laughed, swatting at Luke's arm.
“Congratulations,” Luke smiled, touching Rory's face gently. “And I meant what I said,” he scowled before joining Lorelai on the porch.
The soft strains of music floated toward the inn, signaling the party that the ceremony was underway. Samantha began to walk across the lawn between the rows of onlookers, primly spreading rose petals before her. Drew followed her, solemnly carrying the pillow on which rested the rings Rory and Jess were about to exchange. Following Drew was Dave, pushing Grace in her wheelchair. Grace waved forlornly at a stricken Miss Patty, who dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief, still obviously unsettled by Grace's sudden demise as a ballerina. T.J was next, escorting April down the aisle, as Liz and Doula were occupying the seats closest to Jess. Liz smiled up at her husband as he walked by her and their daughter, who had insisted she was filling the father of the groom role next to Liz. Lorelai and Luke were next, Lorelai beaming proudly at all their friends who had gathered for the event. Luke kept his eyes focused on the old chuppah that Rory insisted must be used for her wedding. He fought the sudden urge to reach out and slap Christopher on the back of his head as he and Lorelai walked past, thanking the gods above that Christopher was too far out of reach for Luke to be tempted. Christopher scowled and folded his arms across his chest as they passed. Luke snorted quietly, and bit his tongue as Lorelai murmured a reproachful scolding out of the corner of her mouth, even though she herself was fighting the urge to smirk. Luke kissed Lorelai's hand as they parted ways, Lorelai standing with their daughters, and Luke taking position next to a nervous looking Jess. Luke clapped Jess's shoulder encouragingly as the string quartet began the Wedding March. The guests turned to watch as Emily and Rory descended the porch stairs and walked toward the chuppah.
“Wow,” Jess whispered, smiling broadly as Rory drew near.
“Good answer,” Luke muttered, grinning.
Emily gave Rory a hug and touched the book of poetry Rory was holding before presenting her hand for Jess to take. She stepped back and smiled knowingly at Lorelai, who was already struggling to hold back her tears. Luke smiled at Lorelai as the minister began the ceremony.
“Who gives this woman to be married to this man?” the minister began.
“Her mother and I do,” Emily said softly, blowing Rory a kiss before sitting down.
Luke winked at Rory. “And me,” he mouthed. Rory grinned and winked back at Luke before turning her attention to the ceremony.
Lorelai listened to the minister's words as he intoned his first reading. Her gaze wandered to Luke, who beamed proudly at the couple. She smiled as she took in his appearance, loving how he still looked so handsome in his dark blue suit. His hair was a little thinner, a little grayer, but he was still the same old Luke. She loved how his crow's feet had deepened over the years, the most obvious sign of age on his face. And she loved how often she saw those crow's feet, his eyes always crinkling up with his frequent smiles. Considering how rarely Luke smiled before they had finally gotten together, it was a welcome flaw. God knew she had crow's feet of her own, not that she was complaining. She had long ago learned to welcome laugh lines, and other symptoms of a marriage full of happiness. She wore those lines proudly, and wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. Lorelai could handle the gray hairs, the lines, the inevitable sagging that came with the passing years. She had a husband who still looked at her as though she was in the exact same shape as she was before she had borne him four children. As though she wasn't standing next to their, god, seventeen year old daughter. Lorelai looked at Rory wistfully, hoping that her eldest daughter was on the same kind of path Lorelai had traveled thus far with Luke. She wished with all her heart that Rory and Jess would find themselves in her position, nearly twenty years later, and finally fully aware of what it was like to love one man with every ounce of her being, and to know without doubt what it was like to be loved that completely in return. Lorelai vaguely remembered a time, oh so many years ago, when she wondered if unconditional love was even possible. Now, she couldn't possibly imagine a life without it. There was no way for her to adequately convey how much she wanted that kind of love for Rory, for all her children.
Lorelai snapped out of her thoughts as Rory turned to her, handing Lorelai her bouquet and the book of poetry. “I love you,” Lorelai whispered, welling up as Rory smiled back at her tearfully.
“I love you, too,” Rory said softly before turning back to face Jess for their exchange of vows.
“Fairy wings,” Lorelai suddenly thought as her tears spilled down her cheeks. “She should be wearing fairy wings.” Lorelai smiled at the nonsensical thought, and wiped away the tears.
As Rory and Jess began to recite their vows, Lorelai looked up to see Luke smiling at her. She grinned as she noticed Luke's eyes shining with tears of his own. “I still do,” she mouthed to Luke as Rory said her own 'I do'.
“I still do, too,” Luke mouthed back to Lorelai as Jess said his 'I do'. They both returned their attention to Rory and Jess as the minister pronounced them man and wife. Lorelai sighed shakily as Jess kissed Rory softly, his hand automatically reaching to caress her swollen midsection. She blinked as the gathered crowd began to applaud.
Suddenly, Rory's arms were around Lorelai. “I'm married,” Rory laughed in Lorelai's ear.
“You really are,” Lorelai gasped, squeezing Rory tightly before letting her go to join Jess.
Rory and Jess walked back up toward the inn, Rory raising her bouquet in the air triumphantly. Lorelai felt Luke link his arm in hers as he guided her toward the inn. “How are you holding up?” Luke grinned.
“I don't know,” Lorelai whispered. “But I'm happy for her.”
“Yeah,” Luke smiled. “Me, too.”
Later that evening at the reception, Luke lounged back in his chair, draping his arm around Lorelai. “Long day,” he sighed. “I'm ready for bed.”
“Me too,” Lorelai nodded, resting her chin in the palm of her hand. She glanced down at the end of the table, where Grace sat hunched forward in her wheelchair. Dave sat facing her, his arms wrapped around Grace. The pair swayed slightly. “Have they been sneaking into the hooch?” Lorelai frowned.
Luke followed Lorelai's gaze. “Hey,” Luke growled. “What exactly are you two doing down there?”
Grace turned around and scowled at Luke. “We're dancing, Pop,” she explained before laying her head back on Dave's shoulder.
“Oh,” Lorelai whispered, covering her smile with her hand and leaning back against Luke. “Now, even you have to admit, that's just plain cute.”
Luke chuckled softly. “The kid has some good tricks up his sleeve, I have to hand that to him.”
“The game was lost the minute Rory and Jess rigged it up so Grace caught the bouquet and Dave caught the garter,” Lorelai laughed. “Even though that was the most awkward attempt to put a garter on a leg that I've ever witnessed.”
“It's a new tradition,” Luke smiled. “Garters on ankles are the new thing.”
“I think we're stuck with Dave,” Lorelai said, patting Luke on the leg.
“I know,” Luke sighed. “Looks like he's going to be around for a while.”
“Is that so bad?” Lorelai asked.
Luke shrugged. “I guess the kid has proved his worth. He sticks by her no matter what. I have to respect that, I suppose.”
“Good man,” Lorelai laughed. “I'm going to go find more champagne. Want another beer?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “Gotta keep the buzz kicking.”
Grace wheeled herself over to Luke's side. “Hey, Pop,” she smiled.
“Where's your left lung?” Luke asked dryly.
“He's around,” Grace shrugged. “So, can I run something past you?”
“Okay,” Luke agreed, a little suspicious. “As long as the word 'elope' doesn't come out of your mouth.”
“No,” Grace retorted, rolling her eyes. “Remember that little conversation we had about finding a new road for me?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “I remember.”
“I think I found a road,” Grace replied. “Hear me out before you say I'm nuts?”
“Okay,” Luke sighed, bracing himself.
“I'm not going to college,” Grace cringed. “At least not in the Rory going to Yale sense.”
“Why not?” Luke frowned. “Grace...”
“I'm buying Miss Patty's,” Grace blurted out.
“With what?” Luke asked. “Your good looks? Your two hundred dollar savings account?”
“Well, I've been doing some wrangling,” Grace admitted. “Miss Patty and me, we've been talking about stuff.”
“Go on,” Luke said.
“She wants to retire in a couple years,” Grace explained. “So, she's going to hire me, once I get on my feet again. As an assistant instructor. And I'll work for her until she finally decides she wants to retire. Then she's going to hand me the keys to the place. She's even willing to draw up preliminary paperwork. Like a promissory kind of thing.”
Luke stared at Grace. “But, how are you going to do this?” he asked.
“Grammy is going to loan me the money,” Grace replied.
“Grace,” Luke sighed. “I don't like that you're asking her for money.”
“I know,” Grace shrugged. “But it's my thing, not yours, so technically, you have no say. I'll be an adult when the transaction happens,” she added, sticking her tongue out at Luke. “She offered me the money, said she'd just count it as part of my inheritance, but I won't do that. I will pay her a reasonable monthly payment. With interest.”
Luke shook his head in amazement. “You're serious about this?”
“As a heart attack,” Grace nodded.
“Can I propose a counter offer?” Luke sighed.
“Okay,” Grace frowned. “What?”
“Go to school. Part time at least. Take business classes. That way you have training. Get an associate's degree, and if something changes down the road, you can build off of that. It's a reasonable request while you're waiting for this to happen,” Luke pleaded.
Grace looked at Luke thoughtfully. “I kind of intended to do that anyway. I just meant that I want to focus on the studio. I'll still have the backup plan. But, Poppy, I can't think of anything else. There's nothing else I want. If I can't dance, I still have to be close to it, somehow,” she sighed.
“I know,” Luke nodded. “I get it.”
“So you're going to back me on this?” Grace grinned.
Luke shrugged. “I don't really have a choice, remember? But, okay, I think I can support it. It sounds like a practical idea. I need a more precise plan though, to give my official blessing. I want a Powerpoint presentation at the very least.”
“Oh yeah, I'll get right on that,” Grace snarked. “Oh, the Chicken Dance,” she squealed. “I can so do the Chicken Dance sitting down. Be right back.” Luke shook his head as Grace wheeled herself to the dance floor.
Lorelai returned with her champagne and handed Luke his beer. “You suddenly look more tired,” she laughed. “I guess Grace sprung the big plan on you.”
“You knew about this?” Luke growled.
“Since this morning, that's it, I swear,” Lorelai promised. “It sounds...feasible. She did her homework.”
Luke nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, I think she did,” he murmured.
“She's making plans,” Lorelai smiled. “That's all that matters to me.”
“Yeah,” Luke smiled, leaning forward to kiss Lorelai.
“So, good wedding?” Lorelai murmured against Luke's lips.
“Very good wedding,” Luke grinned. “Do we get our own little honeymoon tonight?”
“Oh, you'd better believe it,” Lorelai chuckled, wrapping her arms around Luke's neck. “Because you're so dapper, and clean-shaven, and frankly, I'm just all kinds of hot for you right now, Mister Danes.”
Luke arched an eyebrow at Lorelai. “We could start the honeymoon a little early,” he growled.
“How?” Lorelai gasped as Luke nibbled at her ear.
“We could sneak into a room upstairs,” Luke said in a husky voice. “I know the owner of this place. I'll bet we could score a key and at least a good half hour to ourselves.”
“I like how you think,” Lorelai grinned, standing up and grabbing Luke's hand. “Let's go before anybody catches on to our plan.”
Luke took a swig of his beer and followed Lorelai to the desk. “Right behind you,” he grinned.
“That's not the only position you'll be in,” Lorelai whispered seductively.
“Just the starting point,” Luke laughed as Lorelai grabbed a key and led him up the stairs.
Chapter 55: Goodbye Grovers Corners
Luke hurried around the diner, serving up plates full of Thanksgiving meals to the gathered townsfolk. It had been a while since Luke's Diner had been open for Thanksgiving, but Luke decided to give it a whirl this year, for the heck of it.
“Hey, Luke?” Kirk ventured warily. “My cranberry sauce is touching my mashed potatoes. Can you fix that?”
“Suck it up, Kirk,” Luke growled as he ran behind the counter to retrieve a pot of coffee. He glanced up as the bell over the door jingled, smiling as he saw it was Grace and Dave stopping in for their Thanksgiving dinner.
“It's about time you two got here,” Luke muttered, faking a scowl. “I've been saving a table for two hours now.”
“The food isn't cold yet, is it?” Dave asked as Luke led them to their table and filled up two coffee cups.
“Nah,” Luke said, shaking his head. “Still piping hot. I'll be right back with the chow.” He headed back to the kitchen, serving up three plates of food and carrying them back to the table Grace and Dave sat at. “Soup's on,” he muttered, sitting across from the pair.
“We should say grace,” Grace frowned as Luke began to dig in.
Luke set his fork down and folded his hands. “Rub a dub dub, thank god I never had to deal with smallpox,” he intoned solemnly. “Or Pilgrims.”
“Interesting,” Dave laughed.
“The more pleasant prayers are overdone,” Grace giggled. “Is everyone still gathering at Xander's tonight?”
“Yeah,” Luke nodded. “Haven't heard any different, at least. I'm closing up shop in about an hour, and heading over then.”
“So, no Jamie?” Grace asked innocently.
“Jamie who?” Luke asked, stuffing his mouth with a forkful of mashed potatoes.
Grace glared at Luke. “Don't give me that,” she sighed.
Luke shrugged. “She's with her family. It's what people do on Thanksgiving.”
“Did you even invite her?” Dave asked, exasperated.
“She may swing by later,” Luke groaned. “Geez, guys, lay off. I'm a grown man, I don't need help with girl stuff.”
“Oh, just stop beating around the bush,” Grace scolded. “I want grandbabies. You're my only hope for this.”
Luke folded his arms across his chest and stared stubbornly at Grace, his blue eyes flashing. “Mom,” he warned. “Let it go.”
“Just tell her you like her,” Grace insisted. “What's the harm in that?”
Luke stared sullenly at Grace and slid down in his seat. Grace returned Luke's gaze, narrowing her eyes. “So much like your Grandpop,” she muttered, shaking her head and attacking her plate of food with her fork.
“Aw, hell, how am I like Grandpop now?” Luke chuckled.
“Stubborn,” Grace shot back. “Stubborn as a mule. A big, buttheaded, sulky, sullen, stubborn, cranky mule.”
“No wonder you two were so close,” Luke cracked. “Runs in the family, I guess.”
“Don't I know it,” Dave laughed. “Marry a Danes, get ready for the ulcer that's guaranteed to come.”
“Don't make me have to smack you,” Grace scowled at Dave, pointing her fork at her husband.
“Wouldn't want to scare the straights,” Luke nodded.
Grace faced Luke, still jabbing her fork in air to emphasize her point. “Talk to the girl,” she hissed. “Don't make me recount the legend of Luke and Lorelai Danes again.”
“Please don't,” Luke sighed. “I know it by heart.”
“Then pay attention,” Grace sniffed. “Don't wait eight years like some people we know. Learn from the past, or you're doomed to repeat it.”
“I hardly think it's the same thing,” Luke argued. “I've known her for a year. I just don't want to take the chance of screwing up a good friendship, that's all.”
“Yep, and suddenly, eight years from now, you'll be wondering what you've been waiting for,” Dave nodded. “Listen to your mother.”
“Oh my god,” Luke sighed. “New topic. Please?”
“Good turkey,” Dave murmured, chewing thoughtfully. “Almost as good as your Mom's spaghetti.”
Grace looked around the diner wistfully. “I'm glad you took over the place,” she sighed. “I was so worried it would close down. This town needs a Luke's.”
“And what's a Luke's without a Kirk?” Dave chuckled. “Or a Kirk Junior, at the very least.”
“It's like a time warp,” Grace laughed. “There is nothing that makes me feel more like I'm five years old all over again, than walking in here, and seeing you yelling at Kirk Junior so loudly that he practically cries.”
“Nobody deserves a Kirk,” Luke sighed. “I feel nothing but sympathy for Grandpop if he had to put up with even a fraction of what I have to deal with when it comes to that moron. I'm going to do a last call for coffee, you guys need anything while I'm up?”
“No thanks,” Grace smiled, sitting back to watch Luke work. “So much like Pop,” she sighed as Dave put his arm around her.
“Dead ringer,” Dave nodded. “Just as scary, too.”
“Stop it,” Grace laughed. “We definitely need to work on a way to get this Jamie issue resolved a little more quickly.”
“Stay out of it,” Dave warned. “You're going to piss that boy off if you meddle.”
“Not going to meddle,” Grace pouted. “Just find a way to give him the push he needs. That's the girl. I can tell. They just need a little push.”
“Let them figure it out on their own,” Dave sighed. “Things always work out the way they're supposed to, in the end.”
“Yeah,” Grace said softly. “I wish he could see this ridiculous family of ours now.”
“He was proud of you guys,” Dave smiled. “All of you. They both were. They got to see their family growing, got to see everybody find where they belonged. What more could you ask for?”
“One more day,” Grace sighed. “One more day with them would be nice.”
“They're here,” Dave replied, kissing Grace on the cheek. “Those two are in every nook and cranny of this town.”
“Yeah,” Grace laughed. “I remember once upon a time, Pop was convinced that Taylor Doose was going to take over the town. I wonder if he ever imagined that the day would come when Stars Hollow was literally overflowing with Danes family spawn.” She smiled at her son, her own Luke, the man who was her living, breathing reminder of her Poppy as she reflected on the family of which she had somehow become the figurative matriarch.
Emily had passed away a few years after Rory and Jess wed. Lorelai spent a week in bed after Emily's funeral, unable to wrap her mind around how devastated she was by her mother's loss. Luke finally called in reinforcements, and Rory and Jess brought their daughter, Victoria, in with both guns blazing, finally coaxing Lorelai out of her funk with her insistence that her Grammy take her on a fairy hunt through Stars Hollow. Lorelai caved in to her granddaughter's cajoling, and soon, she and the girl were sneaking through the town, both wearing tiaras and feather boas, and carrying a shoebox in case they caught anything.
Rory and Jess had given birth to another child after Victoria. They named that child Richard, and he was, as Luke had always secretly hoped, a mini version of Jess for a while. With every surly word that fell out of that boy's mouth, Jess learned to say a sincere “I'm sorry, Luke,” in his head. But eventually, the boy mellowed out, and managed to find an even keel in life. Victoria was a carbon copy of her mother, bookworm, listmaker, and Ivy League bound by the time she hit fifth grade. Rory had to offer a silent “I'm sorry, Grandpa,” when Victoria graduated from Harvard.
April married in her forties. She finally decided that maybe having a man in her life wasn't such a bad idea, but she never quite got the urge to have babies of her own. So she and her husband settled for a cocker spaniel, and settled down in Arizona, returning to Stars Hollow several times a year to catch up with the rest of the family.
Grace and Dave never got sick of one another, and Dave settled back in Stars Hollow after graduating from college. He commuted to his job in Hartford every day, and eventually worked his way into a consulting position in his later years so he could work from home. Grace took over Miss Patty's dance studio when she was twenty one, and quickly developed a reputation as a demanding instructor. But the girls loved her, and wherever Grace went, there was a girl sure to run up and hug her Miss Grace, while begging for the chance to be the lead snowflake in the Winter Spectacular. Grace married her Luke of her own when they were twenty five. Luke had even willingly walked her down the aisle, waltzed with her at the reception, and he wept without shame when Grace handed him his newborn grandson three years later in the hospital just minutes after Lucas Andrew McArdle was brought into the world.
Sammie decided to keep Luke's Diner alive and kicking after Luke had had enough of the burger flipping business. Taylor's Old Fashioned Ice Cream Shoppe morphed into a couple of short-lived shops after Taylor Doose had passed away, and when Sammie took over, she expanded Luke's into the next building, doubling the capacity, and doubling her tips. She married a man who came in every day just to order a cup of coffee to go. After two years, he finally admitted that he hated coffee and only came in to see her smile. Sammie had told him he sounded a little psycho for saying such a thing, but she agreed to go out with him, not willing to freely admit that her day didn't start until he came to the counter. They were married three years later, and pregnant with their son by the following Christmas.
Drew worked at the Dragonfly, taking it over when Lorelai retired. He had a knack for the business, and opened two more inns in the Hartford area. He married a girl from Groton, with Sammie standing in as his best man. They had twin girls and two boys, and bought a house three doors down from his twin sister and her family.
Xander went to Pepperdine on a full baseball scholarship, graduating with honors. He spent a few years in AAA baseball, and spent a few months on the Red Sox pitching roster as a closer before he developed shoulder problems. He never got the chance to be the star he hoped to be, but he had a Sox uniform, a rookie card, and he got to make eye contact with a deliriously proud, and slightly envious Luke from the pitching mound at Fenway a couple of times, so he bowed out gracefully with no regrets. He returned to Stars Hollow eventually, settling in as a History teacher at the high school and marrying the tenth grade English teacher. They had three children.
Lorelai was the first to go, and Luke never really recovered from her loss. He stayed close to the kids, and they all religiously kept him occupied with grandbabies and baseball outings, but the entire town knew that the moment Lorelai was laid to rest, Luke had received a fatal blow of his own. He followed Lorelai two years later, going to sleep one night and not waking up in the morning. Grace went to find him when he didn't show up for breakfast as scheduled. He was in bed, a peaceful expression on his face, Lorelai's wedding ring clutched in his hand. Grace figured she must have sobbed for an hour at his side before she could finally bring herself to let anyone know he was gone. The anniversary of that day would always be a bit of her own Dark Day. Not a day went by when something in that town didn't bring her to a stop, reminding her of her Poppy in some way. She couldn't ever imagine moving away, because she needed the everyday reminders of both her parents. They always felt close by, as long as she was in Stars Hollow.
The family had floundered a little after Luke was gone, but Grace stepped in and loudly demanded one thing of her siblings. “Family takes care of family.” That was the rule. She took it upon herself to redirect everybody back to their roots whenever somebody started to stray. Christmas in Stars Hollow was mandatory. Anybody who dared to make other plans suffered the wrath of their sister. Family reunions were a must, and her brothers and sisters knew that if a month went by that one of them weren't present for a dance recital, there would be hell to pay. They grumbled, they fought, but in the end, aside from Rory and April, nobody really could find a reason to leave Stars Hollow. And even Rory and April could never stay away for too long.
The kids had decided to put the Crap Shack up for sale about four months after Luke's passing, but Xander cracked, and got the family's blessing to move into the place with his own family. And there he raised his children, in the same “Would you please get your elbow out of my left nostril?” setting he grew up in.
Grace smiled at Dave, slowly breaking herself out her reverie. She loved this damn town, she thought. Nothing made her happier than knowing that her boy was the fourth generation of Danes men to grow up in this town. They were royalty, as far as the residents were concerned. She couldn't wait for the day that boy finally wised up about that Jamie, settled down, and got to work bringing on the fifth generation.
“You're getting sappy again, aren't you?” Dave murmured.
“Yes,” Grace sighed. “Just trying to sort out this goofy family in my head.”
“You ought to write a book,” Dave laughed. “You'd need at least four volumes to fill all the craziness in.”
“Not so crazy,” Grace pouted. “This is Thanksgiving. We're supposed to be counting our blessings.”
“Got plenty of those, too,” Dave agreed. “One hell of a gene pool you're swimming in there.”
“Yeah,” Grace nodded happily. “It is. Wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.”
“It suits you,” Dave smiled.
“What can I say?” Grace shrugged. “I'm my father's daughter. I may be in a rut, but what a rut it is.”
FIN