Christmas at the Crap Shack
Lorelai , groggy from sleep, rolled over and flung her arm over Luke. She opened her eyes when her arm landed on wadded up sheets. Luke was not in the bed.
"Luke?" Lorelai called out.
She looked toward the bathroom. No light on in there. Where was he?
Lorelai looked at the alarm clock, groaning when she discovered it was ten minutes shy of 6:00 a.m. Lorelai crawled out of bed, grasping for her Hello Kitty bathrobe.
She stumbled downstairs and blinked when she was confronted with an already lit up Christmas tree.
"Luke?"
Luke's head suddenly appeared from around the far side of the tree.
"Morning," he said. "You're up early."
"I'm up early only because my husband mysteriously vanished from the bed we share, and I came looking for him, afraid that he may have been kidnapped by Sandinistas," Lorelai said. "I was hoping to sleep in a little before Gracie-Lou-Who made her Christmas morning wake-up call."
"Technically, you did," Luke said. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor, his back to the staircase. "Gracie-Lou-Who started doing her impersonation of the Grinch at around 4:45, by 5:00 she was wearing about a half gallon of baby food, having only consumed about two teaspoons worth, and by 5:30, she had already had her first bath of the day. Your kid is a real slob.”
Lorelai squatted on the floor next to Luke. "Aw, hon, you could have woken me up to help."
Luke shrugged. "It's okay. I'm more used to these hours than you are. Consider it a bonus gift." Luke leaned over and kissed Lorelai. "Merry Christmas, by the way," he said.
Lorelai smiled back at Luke. "Merry Christmas, yourself."
Lorelai surveyed the scene before her. Grace was on all fours, meticulously removing the bows from each and every wrapped Christmas present laid out underneath the tree, and Luke was making no effort to stop her. Lorelai noticed that a bow was stuck to each flannel covered kneecap, obviously the handiwork of their daughter.
"You two are making a mess," Lorelai scolded.
"Mesh!" Grace agreed, and clumsily flopped into a sitting position to take inventory of her loot.
Luke reached over and stuck a big red bow on top of the messy blonde curls that framed the little girl's face.
"Toppit." Grace frowned, futilely trying to remove the bow that resided too far out of her reach. She shook her head, but couldn't budge it, so she gave up and resumed alternately crushing bows in her fists, and batting them around the floor.
Lorelai laughed. "Should have known better than to buy so many gifts for the kid. She's going to be more impressed with the wadded up paper than with the actual toys."
Luke nodded. "Just like her mother. Give her something shiny like a ball of tin foil, and she's a happy camper."
Lorelai punched Luke in the arm. "We're not that bad," she said half-heartedly as Grace watched them, thoughtfully chewing on a length of green yarn she had pulled from her pile of pilfered gift adornments.
"Look at all the presents Santa left for Gracie," Lorelai exclaimed, arms outstretched toward Gracie.
"Ho, ho, ho," Grace said and she crawled toward Lorelai's open arms.
"Lazy." Luke growled. He grabbed the passing crawler and stood her up on her feet. Grace scowled at her father as she was intercepted.
"Show Mommy some of that fancy footwork you've been working on," Luke said and he took the baby's hands and aimed her toward Lorelai.
Grace took a few wobbly steps toward Lorelai, with all the, well...grace...of your average orangutan.
"There's my little monkey." Lorelai giggled as Grace fell into her arms.
"Munk." Grace giggled back.
"And who's that over there?" Lorelai pointed at Luke.
"Poppy," Grace whispered.
"Daddy," Luke corrected.
"Poppy," Grace said with more conviction.
"Daddy?"
"Poppy!" Grace laughed, thoroughly enjoying the argument.
"She's made her choice, Luke, you're not a Daddy, you're a Poppy," Lorelai said.
"No." Luke moaned, burying his face in his hands.
"Face it, bub," Lorelai replied, patting Luke on the back. "Your daughter wants to call you Poppy. How can you say no to a face like this?" She squished Grace's cheeks so she resembled a fish.
Luke regarded his daughter. "That face? I can say no to that face," he said.
Lorelai released her hold on the girl's face. Grace giggled and tried to squish her cheeks on her own.
"How about that face?" Lorelai asked.
Luke grinned, "That face may be a little harder to resist."
"That's what I thought, Poppy," Lorelai said.
Luke shook his head in defeat and pulled Grace into his lap. "Where's Daddy?" he asked hopefully.
"Poppy!" Grace squealed and pointed up at Luke's face.
"Oy, vey." Luke sighed.
Lorelai left the bickering father and daughter and went out to the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee only to find the Poppy/Daddy argument still raging upon her return.
"Okay, time to open presents!" Lorelai cried, hoping to end the debate.
"Open!" Grace screeched, flinging a bow into the air.
An hour later, the living room was littered with torn gift wrap, Grace was fast asleep on the floor clutching a ball of tissue paper, and Lorelai and Luke were sprawled on the couch, recovering from the morning's activities.
"Jeez," Luke sais. "How can one kid wear us out so much? It's not even 7:30 and I'm ready for bed."
"Just wait until she actually gets the walking thing down, you think you're tired now?" Lorelai yawned.
"I'm getting too old for this," Luke said.
Lorelai squirmed. "What are you saying, suddenly losing interest in having enough babies to fill the Twickham house?"
Luke smiled. "I'm perfectly content with having a miniature Lorelai Gilmore running around the house. I'm even getting used to always having the vague scent of oatmeal and baby powder clinging to my clothes."
"I am too," Lorelai said. "It's kind of sexy on you, you know."
"Ugh." Luke groaned.
"So did you enjoy our baby's first Christmas?" Lorelai asked.
"It's not her first Christmas," Luke said.
"It may as well be," Lorelai explained. "Last year she was brand new, and slept her way through most of the holiday. This is her first year as an active participant."
Luke shrugged. "It was fun. Even though I'm pretty sure that she chewed on enough ribbon to warrant a trip to the doctor tomorrow to make sure she doesn't have blood poisoning."
"I'm more concerned that she swallowed enough yarn to twist up her intestines and cause some real issues," Lorelai said.
Luke furrowed his brow and sat up, studying the sleeping girl. "You don't really think she swallowed any of that crap, do you?"
"Settle down, Cool Hand," Lorelai murmured. "You were so busy playing Staple and Fuzzies Nazi that she never had a chance."
Luke settled back into the couch. "This Christmas thing is a lot of work with a kid around.”
"Just think how bad it's going to be next year, with two of them to deal with," Lorelai remarked thoughtfully.
"Yeah," Luke said. "Can you even imagine the hassle that's going..." Luke stopped suddenly and stared at Lorelai, wide-eyed.
Lorelai grinned sheepishly.
"What..." Luke began, unable to finish his thought.
"I know, it's way too soon, and we weren't even thinking about it, and technically, we thought we were preventing it, but..." Lorelai started.
"How?" Luke asked, bewildered. "How could that happen so soon?"
Lorelai gave Luke a withering look. "If I have to explain this to you now, then you're a lost cause," she said.
Luke swallowed hard. "Wow," he muttered. "Just...I don't even know...just...wow," he stammered.
"Are you...upset?" Lorelai asked.
Luke looked at Lorelai. "No!" he exclaimed. "I'm just....stunned."
Lorelai exhaled sharply, relieved. "Somebody's awake," she said, pointing at the shifting pile of wrapping paper that surrounded their daughter.
Luke stood up and walked over to where Grace lay, picking her up gently and returning to sit next to Lorelai.
Grace yawned and snuggled up underneath Luke's chin. "Poppy," she whispered sleepily and jammed her thumb in her mouth, slurping contentedly.
Lorelai reached over and fingered a blonde curl. "What do you think, Poppy?" She glanced warily at Luke. "Can you handle another one of these?"
Luke smiled at Lorelai and wrapped his arms around the little girl, who had already nodded off again. "Yeah," he said. "I could get used to having another one of these around."
"Merry Christmas, Poppy," Lorelai said, and kissed Luke on the cheek.
"Merry Christmas, Mommy," Luke sighed.
"Luke?" Lorelai called out.
She looked toward the bathroom. No light on in there. Where was he?
Lorelai looked at the alarm clock, groaning when she discovered it was ten minutes shy of 6:00 a.m. Lorelai crawled out of bed, grasping for her Hello Kitty bathrobe.
She stumbled downstairs and blinked when she was confronted with an already lit up Christmas tree.
"Luke?"
Luke's head suddenly appeared from around the far side of the tree.
"Morning," he said. "You're up early."
"I'm up early only because my husband mysteriously vanished from the bed we share, and I came looking for him, afraid that he may have been kidnapped by Sandinistas," Lorelai said. "I was hoping to sleep in a little before Gracie-Lou-Who made her Christmas morning wake-up call."
"Technically, you did," Luke said. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor, his back to the staircase. "Gracie-Lou-Who started doing her impersonation of the Grinch at around 4:45, by 5:00 she was wearing about a half gallon of baby food, having only consumed about two teaspoons worth, and by 5:30, she had already had her first bath of the day. Your kid is a real slob.”
Lorelai squatted on the floor next to Luke. "Aw, hon, you could have woken me up to help."
Luke shrugged. "It's okay. I'm more used to these hours than you are. Consider it a bonus gift." Luke leaned over and kissed Lorelai. "Merry Christmas, by the way," he said.
Lorelai smiled back at Luke. "Merry Christmas, yourself."
Lorelai surveyed the scene before her. Grace was on all fours, meticulously removing the bows from each and every wrapped Christmas present laid out underneath the tree, and Luke was making no effort to stop her. Lorelai noticed that a bow was stuck to each flannel covered kneecap, obviously the handiwork of their daughter.
"You two are making a mess," Lorelai scolded.
"Mesh!" Grace agreed, and clumsily flopped into a sitting position to take inventory of her loot.
Luke reached over and stuck a big red bow on top of the messy blonde curls that framed the little girl's face.
"Toppit." Grace frowned, futilely trying to remove the bow that resided too far out of her reach. She shook her head, but couldn't budge it, so she gave up and resumed alternately crushing bows in her fists, and batting them around the floor.
Lorelai laughed. "Should have known better than to buy so many gifts for the kid. She's going to be more impressed with the wadded up paper than with the actual toys."
Luke nodded. "Just like her mother. Give her something shiny like a ball of tin foil, and she's a happy camper."
Lorelai punched Luke in the arm. "We're not that bad," she said half-heartedly as Grace watched them, thoughtfully chewing on a length of green yarn she had pulled from her pile of pilfered gift adornments.
"Look at all the presents Santa left for Gracie," Lorelai exclaimed, arms outstretched toward Gracie.
"Ho, ho, ho," Grace said and she crawled toward Lorelai's open arms.
"Lazy." Luke growled. He grabbed the passing crawler and stood her up on her feet. Grace scowled at her father as she was intercepted.
"Show Mommy some of that fancy footwork you've been working on," Luke said and he took the baby's hands and aimed her toward Lorelai.
Grace took a few wobbly steps toward Lorelai, with all the, well...grace...of your average orangutan.
"There's my little monkey." Lorelai giggled as Grace fell into her arms.
"Munk." Grace giggled back.
"And who's that over there?" Lorelai pointed at Luke.
"Poppy," Grace whispered.
"Daddy," Luke corrected.
"Poppy," Grace said with more conviction.
"Daddy?"
"Poppy!" Grace laughed, thoroughly enjoying the argument.
"She's made her choice, Luke, you're not a Daddy, you're a Poppy," Lorelai said.
"No." Luke moaned, burying his face in his hands.
"Face it, bub," Lorelai replied, patting Luke on the back. "Your daughter wants to call you Poppy. How can you say no to a face like this?" She squished Grace's cheeks so she resembled a fish.
Luke regarded his daughter. "That face? I can say no to that face," he said.
Lorelai released her hold on the girl's face. Grace giggled and tried to squish her cheeks on her own.
"How about that face?" Lorelai asked.
Luke grinned, "That face may be a little harder to resist."
"That's what I thought, Poppy," Lorelai said.
Luke shook his head in defeat and pulled Grace into his lap. "Where's Daddy?" he asked hopefully.
"Poppy!" Grace squealed and pointed up at Luke's face.
"Oy, vey." Luke sighed.
Lorelai left the bickering father and daughter and went out to the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee only to find the Poppy/Daddy argument still raging upon her return.
"Okay, time to open presents!" Lorelai cried, hoping to end the debate.
"Open!" Grace screeched, flinging a bow into the air.
An hour later, the living room was littered with torn gift wrap, Grace was fast asleep on the floor clutching a ball of tissue paper, and Lorelai and Luke were sprawled on the couch, recovering from the morning's activities.
"Jeez," Luke sais. "How can one kid wear us out so much? It's not even 7:30 and I'm ready for bed."
"Just wait until she actually gets the walking thing down, you think you're tired now?" Lorelai yawned.
"I'm getting too old for this," Luke said.
Lorelai squirmed. "What are you saying, suddenly losing interest in having enough babies to fill the Twickham house?"
Luke smiled. "I'm perfectly content with having a miniature Lorelai Gilmore running around the house. I'm even getting used to always having the vague scent of oatmeal and baby powder clinging to my clothes."
"I am too," Lorelai said. "It's kind of sexy on you, you know."
"Ugh." Luke groaned.
"So did you enjoy our baby's first Christmas?" Lorelai asked.
"It's not her first Christmas," Luke said.
"It may as well be," Lorelai explained. "Last year she was brand new, and slept her way through most of the holiday. This is her first year as an active participant."
Luke shrugged. "It was fun. Even though I'm pretty sure that she chewed on enough ribbon to warrant a trip to the doctor tomorrow to make sure she doesn't have blood poisoning."
"I'm more concerned that she swallowed enough yarn to twist up her intestines and cause some real issues," Lorelai said.
Luke furrowed his brow and sat up, studying the sleeping girl. "You don't really think she swallowed any of that crap, do you?"
"Settle down, Cool Hand," Lorelai murmured. "You were so busy playing Staple and Fuzzies Nazi that she never had a chance."
Luke settled back into the couch. "This Christmas thing is a lot of work with a kid around.”
"Just think how bad it's going to be next year, with two of them to deal with," Lorelai remarked thoughtfully.
"Yeah," Luke said. "Can you even imagine the hassle that's going..." Luke stopped suddenly and stared at Lorelai, wide-eyed.
Lorelai grinned sheepishly.
"What..." Luke began, unable to finish his thought.
"I know, it's way too soon, and we weren't even thinking about it, and technically, we thought we were preventing it, but..." Lorelai started.
"How?" Luke asked, bewildered. "How could that happen so soon?"
Lorelai gave Luke a withering look. "If I have to explain this to you now, then you're a lost cause," she said.
Luke swallowed hard. "Wow," he muttered. "Just...I don't even know...just...wow," he stammered.
"Are you...upset?" Lorelai asked.
Luke looked at Lorelai. "No!" he exclaimed. "I'm just....stunned."
Lorelai exhaled sharply, relieved. "Somebody's awake," she said, pointing at the shifting pile of wrapping paper that surrounded their daughter.
Luke stood up and walked over to where Grace lay, picking her up gently and returning to sit next to Lorelai.
Grace yawned and snuggled up underneath Luke's chin. "Poppy," she whispered sleepily and jammed her thumb in her mouth, slurping contentedly.
Lorelai reached over and fingered a blonde curl. "What do you think, Poppy?" She glanced warily at Luke. "Can you handle another one of these?"
Luke smiled at Lorelai and wrapped his arms around the little girl, who had already nodded off again. "Yeah," he said. "I could get used to having another one of these around."
"Merry Christmas, Poppy," Lorelai said, and kissed Luke on the cheek.
"Merry Christmas, Mommy," Luke sighed.